The Hermit Club
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Journey, we must have been posting at the same time. No you are not asking for too much! Yes you have the right to the peace of mind it will give you. Have the talk with your MO. Best of luck. I hope you get the scans you want scheduled soon.
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Welcome omeggo, sorry u'r here really but join us we do know how to hermatude well.
Bgirl u think u'r going to beat me out of 1st place. LOL I know what u mean tho exacrly. I usually say count me in, but don't count on it. This gives me an edge. And now that winter is coming talk about being a hermit. This will top the deal. LOL
Oh and the time change throws me off, I personally don't care it gets dark earlier now but it does make a long evening and I get more scewed up with my sleeping.---and in a few minutes I shall take a shower--OOOOOOO I have to leave my room-----LOL
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Okay hermits, I am going to throw this out there because I know you won't judge me and hope for a little feedback as you are a smart bunch of women. Will leave it up for a bit and then will probably delete this post as it is a public board. Never know who is lurking.
Bit of a long story but here it goes: My husband belongs to an organization and we do quite a bit of socializing with others. Have known this other couple for 7 years or so. They are about 15 years younger (35ish). The husband is a bit of a flirt sometimes, but does it with everyone kisses the women on the cheek when he greats them, very harmless. Wife is young, flirty, well endowed and likes to show it. Like most of the younger crowd at events they like to drink quite a bit. My husband and hers are good friends. Always seemed to get along with her although there didn't seem to be much depth or a lot to talk about. About a year ago started getting weird vibes from her, but really hadn't the time to think about it. At an event it Sept we saw them but didn't say much but hello goodbye. I guess post treatment I started to clue in a little more and just felt uncomfortable around her. I thought "does she think I have the hots for her husband?" and thought I was crazy. Well fast forward to last weekend's party. Her husband came over to say hello to us and others, didn't really see them the rest of the night. My husband I were leaving so because they are friends we went over to say goodbye (she was standing there too). My husband stepped away to speak to someone else and I said goodnight (he kissed my cheek - standard for him) as I went to walk away he said something so I leaned in because he was standing in front of the speaker on the dance floor so I could hear him and she says "isn't one enough". For a second I was like WTF and the I realized she thought I was going in for a second kiss so I guess I wasn't crazy. I just looked at her and walked away. She was pretty drunk and I knew if I said something back she would have gone all drama on me and I didn't want to create a scene. Went over and said goodbye to a couple of others and left.
For the last week I have been going crazy trying to figure out why she thinks this, have I done something? I think the husband and I have talked a sum total of 5 mins in the last year. I have on occassion joked back with him, but it always seemed no harm no foul, he still does it with others. We left a party early one night shortly after I finished rads because I was tired and stopped to say goodbye outside (they smoke) I said I was just so tired, he put an arm around my shoulder and told me it would get better (he was pretty compasionate as he had a favourite aunt with BC). I said thanks, he was just being kind. There were about 8 people standing around including my husband and his wife.
Another incident happened at a weekend we went away to visit others in another city. They went was well as 3 other couples. Didn't really see that much of them all weekend, but at the Friday night wine tasting they had for the women, a younger woman came over and sat with us (she was dressed like the construction worker she was) Well this person got it in her head that this woman (even though she had a husband) was gay and hitting on her. Insisted on leaving (which I thought was rude and I think she knew it). Did not see them over the summer at all.
So I am left uncomfortable and trying to figure this out and hating that I am wasting precious mental energy on this.
Did I cross some line inadvertently? Is she just looking for drama because she doesn't like me? I don't want to tell my DH and screw up his life. Nothing personal, but her husband is a little young and not exactly my type (prefer more intellect). Tami has stolen my estrogen and it is hard to have the hots for my own husband some days. Should I be flattered that she at least thinks I have the hots for him instead of her like the other poor woman? Is she pissed her husband talked to me?
So now you know why I don't want to go. Too much drama. Has she ever left high school? Don't was to deal with crap these days. But would miss a few people if I don't go, Should I let her cut me off from my social life?
Any suggestions or feedback appreciated. Once again sorry for the long post.
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Jane she sounds kind of nutty--but if this is the reason u'r not going don't let her get to u. Maybe, just maybe she thought u were flirting with her husband--I'm sure u didn't mean to, but her husband could have said to her something when they found out u had cancer--like how nice u are, attractive u are, and he felt bad for u and she considers u a threat. So any touchin by u is now an aggrevation to her. She should be used to him by now, but she's zerod in on u as someone who her husband showed kindness and she's not used to that. Maybe that bothered her. But really if that's the ONLY reason u'r not going--then rethink this. cuz if this group is a lt of u're social life than u can't let her interrupt it. When U see them don't actually o up to them just smile and wave and let them come to u. Unless u'r husband will wonder why, then u have show some politeness. Sounds kind of flattering to me, but I know u don't want the drama--not now--so as always it's u'r call, but I would go if I really wanted to and just for the most part ignore them OK to me that's 1 opinion. Since I look at things differently--I would actually ask her why she is treating u differently than before, if she thinks u've done something to offend her.And see whst she has to say so u can clear the air.That's up to u of course, bit if she's been seriously drinking say hi and walk away.
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Is it "her" insecurity? Is she doing this to others? Is it her drinking? Is she tired of her husbands "friendliness" with anyone (and it just seems to you that she is targeting you?)? It doesn't really sound like you have much interaction with them. Next time you are around them, make it a point to observe her and how she relates to others. That could provide you with answers.
Secondly, is your husband bothered by any of this? If not, is it likely just her...
Sorry you are having to sort through the drama.
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Hi, ladies... As you can see from my posting numbers, I'm fairly new in this community... but as bgirl pointed out--only a few on this thread, and it's safe, no judging... just understanding, so I'm thinking of spending more time here than on the few threads I've been browsing, in hopes of finding a place to be (I think you know what I mean)... It seems some threads are fraying with too much weight, and I love that those here seem to be able to smile through it and rise up through it--from putting up with notnice folks when life serves goth hair, and when the best coping strategy is an ice cream breakfast. (And bgirl--we just about share the one-year mark. Just a few days apart. I wondered, too, about celebrating. When I'm especially hermitty, I just want the five year mark so I can get off the anastrozole.) But... I'm happy to meet you all and look forward to getting to know you.
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Hi Everyone.
Good luck Bgirl. I have no words of wisdom on that one. There sure are some 'crazies' out there. My strategy is to 'keep my side of the street clean' and not engage.
I'm happy to be here in hermitude and thank you for the welcome. I do much better with the little threads or I get overwhelmed.
Have a nice evening and see ya around!
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Skittle and Omeggo - welcome to our little group. As you see there aren't many of us but we talk a lot!
Jane - she sounds like someone who is EXTREMELY insecure...and jealous. I wouldn't let it get to you. Sounds like someone you can be socially friendly too but not a friend by any means. And it sounds like she probably gets worse the more she drinks. She isn't likely to be really vicious and spread rumors that aren't true or anything, is she? That would be my only concern. But truly, a person like that, most people know how they are and what they are like.
journey - I always have heard knitting is harder, so if you can knit, crocheting should be a cinch! What a great thing you are doing to knit the scarves - I am sure people love them. I don't blame you for wanting scans -there is something to be said for reassurance at some point of being totally NED. If insurance/payment isn't an option, I don't understand an MO's reluctance to order a test.
camille - lol on your daughter and you both feeling like it on the hair coloring - my mom used to cut my hair and it was always a thing - I would want it done and she wouldn't want to or she would be ready to cut it and I wouldn't be in the mood.I still like the burgundy idea for ya!
markat - glad DH is feeling better - I know my dad has to have bloodwork repeated every few months even when he isn't sick. I hear ya on the sick wife thing - my DH is only 2 years older but he has had some heart issues (nothing too serious) but I always thought he would be the one who would have health issues. I also count my cancer date from the date of my diagnostic mammo - it was the day after V Day (the 15th) and even though I wasn't officially diagnosed until my biopsy results on the 17th, the radiologist told me on the 15th that he was almost postiive it was cancer.
FLWarrior - that's what I am afraid of - that this weird texture "furry" lol - hair will absorb the color differently and I will have a mess. I almost think I need to let it get long enough to trim the tips off the end before I do anything to it.
Well we did go out last night and ran some errands, used the last of my "surgery gift cards" at Red Lobster. I got all these supplies to make these Christmas ornaments - we'll see if they actually turn out! Oh and also yesterday, I started my dog hunt. I filled out an application and submitted it to a local chihuahua rescue group - they have a puppy that should be ready about a month that we are trying to adopt. We'll see if it works out. There was a couple whose house burned down a few weeks ago that actually was hoarding dogs and a bunch of the dogs died but the rest were rescued and sent out to various shelters and rescue groups.
I have 3 drs appts over the next 2 days. Tomorrow is Herceptin at the MO. Tuesday morning is my second opinion RO consult and Tuesday afternoon is another fill at PS office. Fun times.
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Welcome skittle and nice to see you back omeggo. These ladies are great.
Lisa I meant to say earlier that it is definitely not too much to ask. I had a bone scan, chest xray and pelvic/abdomial US to check for mets. No big scan for me as possible allergy to dye. But even the more basic tests can provide peace of mind.
Cami & Warrior thanks for the feedback. I think she is a bit of the younger generation that live on reality tv and drama. Add too much alcohol and gets crazier. Likes to be centre of attention I think. My sister suggested that maybe it was the talking, she isn't very intellectual and perhaps she thinks that it makes me a threat. Also she is voluptuous and I am small and thin (more like her husband), I don't look my age (or as old as the others that are our age) so maybe that is threatening too. She seems ok with him flirting with others that are the same age as they are. Weirdly, because they are much younger and hotter than I. Would talk to her but don't think it would help, probably just turn into some dramatic scene. DH seems oblivious, won't clue him in unless it gets worse. We just celebrated a happy 25 years of marriage so I don't think my husband would ever imagine of thinking I have hots for someone else. Think I will just avoid entirely at next event and see how it goes, if not will start making excuses, don't need the stress. My DH knows I think some of the younger ones are boring because all they can talk about is drinking and going to bars (some have very young kids at home) and I just don't get it. So maybe he will think that is why I am avoiding them.
Drugs are keeping pain at bay, so hopefully a few more hours of sleep tonight. Hoping you get some sleep too camille. Wishing you all a great night.
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Welcome Skittle---but I'm sorry u have to be anywhere here. But really this is such a cool thread--every one is so nice and we just shoot the breeze about whatever we want, any topic is not off limits with us. So we're all comfy here.
Klt---we just got a border Coliie today and he's so frindly and my Katie-Kat has to get used to him--She's been the queen around here so he can be the King, but she has to figure it out.
U've got a busy couple of days ahead--good luck with all of this stuff--Ick-=I don't like Dr. app't at all.Blah
I feel like it should be bedtime--it's been dark for so long here.
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Hi Skittle - welcome to hermit land. The ladies here are great.
Camille - You got a dog today! Oh, how fun! What is his name? As I've said before, I love my dog! She is a scottish deerhound and the most loving, faithful sweetheart!
kltb - "furry" is the perfect description! When I finally decided to get my first haircut 15 months PFC, I told the the hair dresser "we need to get this stuffed animal thing off of the back of my head". I swear the texture felt just like a stuffed animal. YIKES! Dinner at Red Lobster with gift cards, now that sounds like fun!
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Hi Fl-----HIS ( Ikeep on saying her, cuz my cat is a her) name is Sox--he's got white feet. But my Katie-Kst is my first love and she knows it.
I live with my dtr and SIL and grandson, so really this is their dog--but he is so sweet and friendly, but I need to give my kitty more attention now LOL
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I'm just going to reply to bgirl first then go back and catch up.
First of all, she sounds like what I like to call some people, Batshitcrazy.
The drinking and drama sounds like fun...not! Well, from my couch it kinda does
Ignore her! People like that thrive on drama! They create it when there is nothing to keep their drama filled lives busy.
Go and have fun and makeout with your DH in front of her!0 -
K- You are going on full speed! Good luck with your adoption. Try to find the laziest, non shedding, house trained dog possible
Hope the next couple of days go smoothly for you. I have MO and H on Tues.Journey- I can't believe they didn't scan you after the nodes? I would want one too, heck I kinda want one now, but my onc won't do it either, unless I have symptoms.
FL- *waving hi*
Camille- hope you had a great day and get some sleep tonight. Where's our pics? I miss them!
CSmommy- haven't heard from you in awhile, hope you are healing and doing well. Continued good thoughts for you.
Whaevah, Whaevah, Whaevah- I'm summoning you like Beetlejuice. Hope you're feeling good too. Did you watch Louis C.K on SNL last night? I thought it could've been funnier.
I had a good day. I went IN a store, went to my in laws, and ate a lot of food.
Edited to add: Welcome new posters!0 -
Markat hahahahahahahahahahaha
And U actually went INSIDE of a store--the whole way?
My D started again and as soon as I go my stomach sounds like a construction is in there building a mini-mall. One time I had a LE treatment and u're laying down, and the women giving me the treatment heard this noise and said OMG they must be moving furniture upstairs.
so I told her just keep on listening, then she realized it was my stomach and got some others to come in and listen--I was the morning joke. I laughed too,
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Hello my new non judging,say anything,understanding hermits..
May i respond to Jane?
JANE, i think you have been through enough and dont need to address this drama crap, you be who you are, you have done nothing wrong! You should not give it a shadow of a thought anymore! Its her problem not yours! we all know you cant reason with a drunk, but you know, in situations like this,for the most part, its nothing you did, Its what he said to her about you
and of coarse she will blame you because "she loves him" you take it as a compliment be yourself!!! HA!! you have real things to waste your precious mental energy on....if it gets too out of hand, look her in the eye and say grow up!! This your problem, not mine??
I know it sounds rude but....
I had that very thing happen to me while i was on chemo, and she knew i was on it!! In a walmart parking lot she confronted me, I said "do you really think that while im cutting off my boobs, putting a port in my neck, 8 months of chemo,over a year of hell and no hair, fighting for my life for my two young babies, that im thinking about your husband" Really?? And i walked away.. I wanted to drop her! But i was affraid my wig would fall off!! Hehe0 -
Thanks for the feedback everyone, I knew that you would all understand. Deleted the original post.
Never understood why some people go looking for drama, I think we have all found more than we want in the last year and would be much happier with calm, peace and some hermitude.
Welcome Chey - too funny about the wig - I can just see you ending up on the People of Walmart site.
Markat & K good luck with your apts.
K - your kids are going to love it.
Cami - dog sounds cute, our cats would be really ticked off if we got one.
It's 3 am and pill wore off faster tonight - not sleeping again - only supposed to take these twice a day... oh well got a few nights of better sleep.
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Cheyenna welcome to he world of peace and quiet. Yea u'd be arrest with u'r wig on crooked and picture in the news.Hahahaha That's funny that she came up to u--Oh like u realky hace that on u'r mind now.
Jane I'm sorry u had a bad niht I slept OK with my Katie-Kat and our new addition was really good last night slept in my DD and SIL's room on the floor at the end of the bed and is soo nice--He tries to make friends with Katie, but she's not ready but she'll stay in the same room as him after ony 1 day so I'm surprised at that.
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Jane- sorry about the sleep. Let us know if you hear anything from your docs today.
Camille- I did go inside the store and actually bought stuff. It was a grocery that isn't my regular place and they had remodeled recently. DH and the girls were waiting in the car. I couldn't find anything! I swear I almost called DH to ask him where the juicebox aisle was, lol! Congratulations on your new addition. I have a Collie, like Lassie. Don't be surprised if the border collie tries to 'heard' you or your grandson around. If you have steps, be careful!
It's cold here and I don't want to go to the onc, wah! Why should I drive 30min for a 5 min checkup? She won't even do bloodwork today. I am having some pressure/pain in my liver area. I think it's probably just fatty liver from weight gain and meds. I might bring it up.0 -
Markat - sorry about the drive. I'm lucky all my docs are close (10-15 min). I guess all that community fundraising for the new regional cancer centre (so people didn't have to drive to big city an hour + away) paid off. Never thought I would be using it.
Mention Liver - tamoxifen does a number on mine if I combine it with other drugs metabolized through liver. Like drug I am on now. Why PCP would only give me a 3 week prescription this time. Quick check can't hurt and might make the drive worth it.
It always annoys me when they keep rearranging stores. I think they do it so we will spend more time wandering around and buy more.
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Markat yes talk about u'e liver so make the visit worth it for u.
And of course hahahahaha u in the grocery store--u sound like me, I go so seldom my grandson knows where things are so he helps me hahaha
Jan I never thought why they change things around, but that makes perfect sense especially for those that are impulsive shoppers.
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I brought it up and she's thinking gallstones maybe. I guess that's pretty typical after tx. So of course I have a liver ultrasound in the morning, bright and early.
I was definitely that wandering impulse shopper last night. Since I couldn't find the juiceboxes, Katie ended up with organic chocolate milk boxes from the health food section. Probably better anyway.0 -
"It's showtime!" Heard my name...LMAO Markat...yes I did watch Louis CK and thought the same. That mountain sketch was useless. But the barstool face lick cracked me up.
Spent the weekend on Skype, face painted, nice top and pj bottoms. My mother needs to see me look well, had to try on new hats for her , now she wants them... nothing new there. Then sis, nephew and my great neice did ballet, all four years of her while her little brother licked the screen. Took phone calls all weekend, then considered changing my number so that can't happen again. Answered a few emails...one I .Bit. my. tongue. then. slapped.my.hand. Stupid people,yes indeedy.
Taxol muscle pain is making me bitchy, miserable and generally hateful. Percocet is acting like baby asprin and I have lost my taste buds completely. Had coffee through a straw yesterday, tasted like chit. Otherwise everyone is alive here, just hiding from me. Dunno why?
Will read back and catch up...
Fearful I may combust , so will post later.*waves* to all
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Welcome to Omeggo, Skittle and cheyenna! It's a comfy cave here, camillegal usually takes care of the entertainment but ever since that big cat ran the board amok, we hermits have been patiently waiting for a few jokes...to take the edge off or take me off the edge..whaevah.
bgirl...I missed something?! alcohol, drama and sounds like a tart was involved, but seems you all got it figured out , good and good riddance to trouble:)
ktlb...sweet, a dog! not enuff on your plate???LOl just kidding, sounds like fun. I actually considered adopting one a couple of years ago but got the hunter instead
FLwarrier...a haircut sounds divine , i can hardly wait!
journey4life...I had a discussion with my MO today , no scans will be done unless symptoms warrant it. I was surprised, thought I would have one before rads but she said that things show on scans that are not cancer but start the process of unnecessary procedures , pain and overall worry and anxiety. She explained that microscopic cancer will not show , and it will not make any difference in treatment whether a tumor is 1 or 2cm. OK, she explained it better but chemobrain only hears a little so I would have to ask DH to repeat. Also I think node involvement would warrant one, but don't quote me on that. However, if YOU want a scan, keep bothering them until you get one... NO it is NOT too much to ask. Send me the phone number, I am in the right frame of mind to get you one
markat...glad you DH is feeling better, and I think it was you who colored your own hair...ME TOO...I have 6 boxes just waiting (sale last year before the chit hit) and I am waiting for grandpa white to fill in on the sides...the mullet look is fast approaching . Think I will get the first color done by my hairdresser, just in case it turns black. While that would match my heart right now, it would be horrible to look at. Thanks for the warning
camillegal...hope you are feeling better and the D train has stopped. Please, pretty please, can we have some jokes?
if I missed anyone, sorry:(
Taxol#10 tomorrow, will be in hermitude for a few day, you all know the routine
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I have a joke, what do you get when you turn a blond upside down?
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whaevah - hope you get through the next one as easily as possible.
Drama was that someone thinks I have the hots for her hubby (he is 15 years younger than me) lol. I guess she thinks I am the tart. Really don't know how to deal with drama, was seeking opinions. Just makes me want to stay home from social situations where this couple are there too. Makes me not want to leave home even more.
Chey - have no idea, think I have heard the joke before, but unfortuately my memory has gone on a hike.
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I wonder who this is for??????0 -
Whaevah- that mountain scene was so stupid! The facelick was awesome.
Lol about the phone and Skype. I told my mom about my ultrasound tomorrow and I started getting texts from everyone in my family shortly after.
Chey, so what's the rest of the joke?0 -
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Wow. What a thread. Warm humor. Personal care and concern. Care, advice, patience. Soooo glad I stumbled across... Will try to personalize responses as I get to know you all, and learn a little. (feeling green) Glad to hear so many are pet people. Can't muddle through without 'em, myself. Wishing each of you hugs and peaceful moments. Hope all in the NE are safe from Sandy's aftermath and are able to start finding some sort of normal.
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