Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients
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I had someone ask me "what is your prognosis ?". I said "excellent until I am dead". That shut them up. Lol
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Hotandcold - how awful - what an insenstive remark for someone to make! How dense can some people be? I lost a few pounds while going through AC/Taxol last year. My EX "boyfriend" of 14 years (My choice about him being EX-his insensitivity really shone through when I was diagnosed with cancer!), stated that I should not be concerned about losing weight as that's what I was always trying to do anyway. Jerk - he didn't get it at all. I was concerned as losing weight easily was definitely not normal for me and only confirmed the fact that I was ill. He was such a charmer when I was sick - I did not feel much like being affectionate while going through chemo and six wks. of rads. I finally told him to leave me alone as I was sick. He has COPD as he is a chain smoker, so he responded with, "I'm sick too, but do you care?" My response:"Let's think about that one - nope, I don't really care that much as I begged you stop smoking for years! Wonder how much your second hand smoke contributed to my condition - do you care? I never smoked and guess what, I have cancer". Due to repeated selfishness on his part, I was never "affectionate" with him ever again and never will be!"
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I have laughed so much today I have an ache in my side. This is the BEST thread ever, particularly those first few pages from you wonderful funny women, the comment that anyone could be hit by a bus, but that it was unlikely to drag you around for five years first....magic! Thank you. Cheered me up when nothing else could.
Love Aussie Angela0 -
Oh diana - I love it! 'best prognosis I have ever heard.
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When I told my mom what is going on she says .... Oh no you can't die before me!!!! I haven't even got my results back!!!
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Ok so not something said, but still incredibly stupid in my opinion. Yesterday in the mail there was a letter from the hospital... reminding me that it is time for my annual mammo. Says some crap about how important screening and "catching breast cancer early" is, so I better make my appointment ASAP. I was thinking about giving them a call Monday to "discuss" my appointment.
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I get those every year from my health insurance company. I don't really take offense since they are just alerting people to the fact that mammograms have no co-pay.
*susan*
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There is a difference between the mass mailing from the insurance company and the hospital who cut your breasts off. The hospital should be a little more sensitive, especially the breast cancer center.
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So, what's new with your cancer?
At least you don't have to buy anymore tampons.
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SPAM,
Good point, as usual. This is one of the side effects of HIPPA, I think. The marketing department is, by law, unable to access your medical records. They have has no idea WHY you have been a patient, or even if you are still alive. They just do a query for Female, age ≥ 40 and send out a mailing. It would be nice if we, as patients, could opt out of these kinds of mailings. And now that I think about it, my hospital has never sent me any mailings not directly related to my care.
*susan*
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I've heard this one:
"Well, you know, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow...so, you never know."
Uh, really? Except, yes, I do know, and that bus you mentioned? It's driving through my lungs and bones right now, as we speak. Like, now. Right f'ing now.
My other favorite: Um, I'll talk to you later (said in a very dismissive tone). SERIOUSLY? I would not treat a dog this way. What the hell is wrong with people?0 -
The one I hear every gosh darn day is.....well, you look wonderful! and You looked awful last time I saw you, now you look fine!
I look like a troll. I'm working on losing the 30 pounds I gained. I'm finally growing back my hair but its everywhere an inch here an inch there. Why do they keep saying this to me? I used to be very pretty. I know I am not now. So, I wish they would stop.
what do they think cancer patients are supposed to look like? In my clinic, most of the women look just fine. Normal looking...I don't know.
I did see a beautiful woman at the clinic yesterday. She was tall, in her early thirties, bald, beautiful, great makeup. Now, she looked good. She was planning her wedding. Not to listen in, but some talk loudly
I'd like to sometimes start a thread....beautiful life enhancing moments at the clinic. Another lady was in her 80s. She had a neck brace on. She was in a wheelchair. Her makeup was impeccable. Her outfit was gorgeous. Her husband held her hand when he sat down. That was beautiful too.
Sorry to get off track, but this I look so beautiful thing is making me nuts!
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Soliel, that's a great idea for a new thread, 'life enhancing moments at the clinic'.
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They are putting their SLAP on. I can only do it on certain days. Congrats to those that can do it everyday.
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Oh, where to begin? Of course, I've gotten the standards...
"You look great!" (read: wow, I'm surprised you don't look like total crap)
"How many more chemo treatments do you have?" (hell if I know)
Recently a friend came to visit me because she wanted to spend time together. I was feeling tired and not well, and she didn't lift a finger to help out around the house. Here's what she told DH:
"I came to visit as a friend, not as a caregiver."0 -
Wow, violinfingers; just wow! I think I would make sure that friend never visited again.
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That story about the perv is something else. Scary that guy can be a teacher! I would not want to be around him either and would definitely think of remarks in advance to change the subject if it turned to disease and health.
I was on the news recently for Cleaning for a Reason, and the anchors back at the station were going "She looks really good." and I'm going, MMMmmmHmmm...I know the end of that sentence "for a person who is dying."
TV and movies are to blame for this. All those sickly pale cancer patients, beautiful until the end but with gray makeup on and dark, dark circles under the eyes. TV doesn't know what it's like to be dying and most people take their cue from that.
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I think people just want me to get better. They don't really know what to say, so they say things like. Of course, you'll beat this and the you look so great stuff. I think they say that because they just can't imagine that I won't get better.
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Ive been following this thread for awhile......so I know what not to say to my friends who are in this place. I came across this quote today.....thought it might be appropriate:
"When your fear touches someone’s pain it becomes pity; when your love touches someone’s pain, it becomes compassion." ~ Stephen Levine
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Shayne that is so perfectly, succinctly put.
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This man has written some pretty amazing books. Both he and his wife have terminal illnesses. One of his books, A YEAR TO LIVE: How to live this year as if it were your last - is quite amazing! For those who have the time - this is a great interview with he and his wife:
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Shayne, you've piqued my interest....I plan to read the article when I have time and see if I can get the book from my local library.
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I have it on hold thru my library right now.......... and the interview is a bit long - but so worth reading when you have the time. Really touched my heart and soul......
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Hi Ladies, I luv this thread. I had something happen while in the hospital and thought I'd share it with you. I went to the hospital with a sudden fever of 102.5. I was taking Abraxane at the time. Long story short, I was admitted to ICU after my vital signs and blood counts plummeted. I had sepsis, pneumonia, immunity was .02 and was spose to be 2.0, BP was 40/30 etc. One of my oncs came in the room to ask me if I wanted CPR if my heart stopped etc. I said as long as it was a temporary measure til my body could sustain itself. The onc actually tried to convince me to be DNR ( do not resuscitate). I had forgot my papers at home. My hubby was with me and he also told her I was to be resuscitated. That onc had already decided that I was not going to live thru it. After that, one nurse after another would ask me the same questions and act like I was a freak for not agreeing to be DNR. Well 5 days later I was transferred to the cancer floor from ICU. I wasnt in good shape but had survived. The nurses on the cancer floor did the same thing. I finally had to get a little nasty with a head nurse to get it to stop. I told her that it was clear what my wishes are and that to tell the nurses, and docs to lay off. After 6 days I went home. It really bugs me that they were so convinced I was going to die and didnt want to bring me back if my heart stopped from low BP etc. I also thought I was going to die for awhile and I was scared. But they made me feel like I didnt have a chance...when I did. I may not be in the best shape but I'm still alive and am happy that I am. HUgs , Mazy
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Wow. Just Wow.
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Yikes! Mazy, thank heavens your husband was with you. Thats shocking. I am glad you proved them wrong. Are you going to switch oncs?
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Macy, what a story. If it were me, I'd have to register a complaint with the higher-ups about that kind of treatment. I mean, once you were asked that question, the answer should have been marked on your chart and they shouldn't have continued to ask you. I'd be pissed.
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The onc that said that isnt my primary onc but I was shocked about the whole mess. I did let the hospital know about it. All the docs involved in my care were shocked that I made it but only 3 of those were pushing DNR. My gp who has been my doc for 32 yrs and knows me well said he didnt think I would make it but knew that if anyone could live thru it , I could. I'm thankful for the ones who didint give up on me. Luv and hugs
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"You will lose so much weight of the chemo treatment!"(my sister which is a bit obsessive about weight and i am chubby)
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Radiation dr when i queried why i should see him every 2 weeks during a seven week radiation treatment plan:" You must remember you got cancer not flu!"
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