Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients
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This coming from an appt. desk at my surgeons-we're trying to fill in appts. Just bring your 2 year old grandson with you after chemo so we can take your stitches out of your shoulder from port placement! ha-yeah right.
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Quote from a tech administering my radiation: "Cancer is no big deal. If I got cancer, I would just give myself radiation and then go on with my day. I wouldn't be a baby about it".
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Surfdream, I don't like tattlers, but I hope you reported that person. That is beyond unprofessional. That person should not be in that job.
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surfdreams--OMG I can't believe such a stupid comment came from anyone let alone a tech---what an idiot.
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On my facebook today from my friend's mother (it's my birthday)..."So glad you are still having birthdays"
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Kelloggs, she probably thought she was being supportive!
Happy Birthday.
Leah
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY 0 -
OMG Camillegal that is hilarious! Thanks, I needed that!
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Had an appointment with my onc today, then lunch with my mom. I've got to stop doing that, she ruins my day every freaking time I talk to her. Anyway, she asks what the plan is. Told her scans next week since it's been over 6 months. If nothing new, we go on to rads, if there are new mets we find a new AI.
She starts going off about "When are they going to do something!?" Told her again, for the 100th time, the damn pill is doing something. When this pill stops working, there is another one, till they all stop working, then chemo till that stops working, then I'm just screwed. She still didn't get it.
I don't know what she thinks they should be doing, but she insists they are doing nothing. She acts like I'm just blowing it off. Then she went on to tell me what a rotten parent I am for the next half hour.
When I go back for my scans, I'll be skipping lunch.
HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY Kelloggs!!
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STORMY--SHE ACTUALLY SAYS U'R A ROTTEN PARENT. OMG u poor thing. I'm sure u'r not, u sound caring so u can't be rotten or bad. And besides I don't think there is any such thing as a perfect parent 100% all the time. So why does she torture u like that. I do hope it doesn't bother u.
So relax with that remark, she's u'r mom and moms can be critical sometimes and she's probably frustated cuz of u'r cancer.
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I wish that was all it was..but no, she's just a bitch. She was and still is a horrible parent, that is really the only reason I get so mad at her for judging my parenting skills. She was a crackhead for 30 years, she had no clue where I was or what I was doing most of the time. I lived with my dad for the majority of my childhood and only seen her on my birthday or when I went looking for her and we lived in the same small town. She really was a worthless parent.
Her biggest complaint is that I'm to nice to my kids and that they are spoiled. Yes they are. If they want something and I can give it to them, I sure the heck do. They are not brats about it if I say no, they understand if we can't afford it or whatever, but I'll spoil them as much as I can and she can kiss my butt!
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Stormy I'm sorry she was like that, I'm surprised that u even see her--see u are kind, and I don't blame u with u'r kids. I did the same thing if I could afford it and when I couldn't it was OK. My dgts are in their 40's now and they are lovely women and are very dear to me. So keep on doing what u'r doing sounds good to me.
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Stormy, I'm not sure if you want her to say you're a good mother. Her standards are, shall we say, not exactly the same as yours.
Good luck on the scans. Have lunch with someone else for heaven's sake.
Leah
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I'm used to the rotten parent comments. She always has something like that to say about everything. When I told her I had found someone new after my divorce, her reply was basically "what's wrong with him that he would want to be with you?" Because I was divorced with kids I guess someone would have to have issues to want to be with us?
I don't know how to get her to understand that the AI's are doing something tho. She thinks I'm just sitting here doing nothing about it. More proof that I am a rotten parent of course.
I think I'm just going to give up and let her think whatever the heck she wants. One thing about this cancer crap is it has made me realize how much time I've wasted on people who are not worth it.
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"How soon they forget..."
Last year I had chemo, lost my hair, wore a wig for a few months, then stopped wearing it when my hair was about 1/4 inch long. Spent about a year with little to no hair. These days my hair is pretty much its normal slef.
One of my sisters comes to a family gathering yesterday. Had her hair cut recently and it looks great. Longer in the front, down to almost her shoulders, a little shorter in the back. She is b.i.t.c.h.i.n.g because she hates it. She says, very meanly, "I cried for a week about it."
Uh, really? I mean...really? You wasted a week of your life crying about your haircut?
Sometimes I honestly believe she has a bigger problem than I do.
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Dysfunctional families never seem to change. Same shit, different day. I agree that the only way to protect yourself is to absolutely limit the contact as much as possible.
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"Congratulations! You made it to Christmas? " Um geeez thanks. Say that again and you won't.
Friends new boyfriend to me at a party I am hosting. "How are you doing?" Me "fine and you"
Dumb boyfriend "No tell me how are you really feeling?" WTF?
"You are going to beat this. I don't care if only 2% survive this you are going to be that 2%!!!" my dear dad.
"You have to truely believe you will beat this or you won't"
"Don't leave your family in the poor house." my step mom after our vacation to Oregon this summer.
"My sister had that, they had to cut her arm off" (that conversation went on and on it was horrifying) said by a spouse of one of my husbands coworkers at the office Xmas party dinner. We were assigned to sit beside them. So I couldn't get away.
"Cancer picked the wrong gal. Your going to kick it's butt!" cause the rest of the people were the right people?
K I probably could go on but those are the ones that stick out.
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i hate it when people tell me god will heal me. it pisses me off. why didn't s/he heal people who really matter, who actually did some good in the world? why me? why not ann richards? why not molly ivins? why not even elizabeth edwards? hell, at least long enough to divorce the guy, right? i don't believe in god. i think all this is completely random, and if there's someone out there who claims to love me who gave me this crap, i don't want to know. my mother was always telling me they love me more than anyone ever will-and now all she can do for me is tell me they're all very sad, and i probably have brain mets. i'm styling myself an orphan these days, by the way.
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my daughter used to tell me how i should be happy because i'm alive-said i was a total downer. she was 21. almost didn't make it to 22 with that. then she would tell me i smelled like chemo, and it was awful. i did a lot better when i just relied on myself.
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My MIL has told me on many occasions that it's too bad I had to be terminal for us to start getting along. Funny, I haven't changed at all, maybe a bit more bitchy according to my DH. So she's the one that changed. She hasn't liked me from the start; maybe it's because I took away her baby boy. I don't really know, but I think she likes me more now that I'll be out of the picture soon:)
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So I flipped out on my mom. She says to me "we're all gonna die someday" and I lost it. I'm so sick of hearing that shit.
The fact that you are going to die someday, probably much later, after your kids are grown and you get to be a grandparent is not the same as I'm 37 and statistically not going to make it to 45!!
That and YOLO. Just shut up with that crap! UGH!
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Tonight my parents are celebrating my last (!?) Taxotere infusion..
Ebru
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I became friendly with a woman who was diagnosed the same time as me. I was IIa, she was IIIa. We had the same treatment - unfortunately, I progressed to IV and she has stayed at 3. We went through our chemo, staying friendly. I encouraged her a lot, because she found the chemo much more difficult than I did, as well as our year of herceptin. Then I progressed and went back on chemo and herceptin and had liver surgery and got c-diff which made me critically ill. Yet, through it all, I encouraged her, with her fears of becoming Stage IV, with her surgeries to perfect her breasts, to all the things she went through.
Nearly 3 years down the road. We are not good friends but we are texting and chatting. She's been done with treatments for years and I'm still doing it, but she never asks about me. Nicely, she gave me a bunch of old scrapbooking stuff she didn't want anymore. It was very nice of her, she was done with the hobby. Then, a few months later she wanted some of it back, she had decided to do one more book for a niece.
I was willing to give her the stuff back and asked her what she wanted and I'd send it to her. I was too tired to have her come over looking through my stuff at that point. That's where we ran into problems - she wanted to come over and pick it up. In fact, she insisted. She had given it to me and she didn't understand why she couldn't come and get it.
She refused to hear of me sending her stuff, she wanted to come over and go through it. When I said, no, that I was too tired, the room wasn't organized (it's my son's homework room too) she got mad at me! She actually said something like
"Oh, I get it, you just think your stage of cancer is so much worse than mine. Well, I could be Stage IV anytime too, you know."
I hadn't mentioned stage of cancer, only that I was tired, recovering from c-diff. And, at that moment, yeah, I did think maybe I had it worse, as I was still doing chemo and she'd been off for two years - hair grown back, dyed, eyelashes, energy, etc. But I hadn't said any of those things or thought them until she put it into play, I just didn't want her rifling through my house.
So, I realized even a person who had cancer could be the wrong kind of friend. I unfriended her on facebook, went into the room, picked out everything that was for a little girl, and mailed it to her. Cost me ten bucks. Never heard from her again as far as thanks for anything, so I assume she felt she'd been in the right.
I feel like iin that relationship, as in many of my relationships, I had given more than I had received, emotionally. I didn't want to do this one thing - let her over at that particular time to go through my house and pick up MY stuff she wanted and that made her angry, not understanding. So, I gave up the friendship.
Maybe I expect too much? Anyway, another story for your collection.
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I know my very supportive DIL just wanted to say something positive when I told her my onc believes that my six lung lesions are mets. (Having a bx this week, but onc already starting discussing treatment plan, so it does not look good...) She replied with, "Oh no, but at least they found it early". I did not have the heart to tell her that by the time six lesions show up, with symptoms, it's usually not an early diagnosis....So, I just said, "Yep, it's good".
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Stormy - I know what you mean, "We are all going to die someday" is a very lame statement for any of us to hear! My ex-"boyfriend" (I'm 58 - saying "boyfriend" sounds juvenile to me), of 15 years (dumped his a@@ for many stupid cancer comments), told me "We are all going to die of something" - jerk....
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I was at a hotel pool visiting with a friend I hadn't seen in several years and we were discussing my diagnosis/treatment regimen/prognosis, etc. Part of my treatment was a 7-level spinal fusion which left a long scar down the middle of my back. My medical situation should have been clear to anyone in our proximity and I am sure a nearby woman overheard our conversation. She turned to me and told me that the surgical scar on my back (I can't see it) was really grossing her out and that I should cover it up or leave. Needless to say I wasn't going to do either. I told her if she had a problem with it she could leave.
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33: should've told her that her face was doing the same.
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While having chemo, a man I work with said to me, oh, I know how you feel. I've had kidney stones.
I'm thinking, well, that's EXACTLY like having chemo. And cancer.
Oh dear.
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stranger and stranger and stranger!!!!!
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Wow, Coolbreeze, that one takes the cake for me. I don't like people (especially people I'm not close to) coming into my home for ANY reason, let alone to take back something they gave me! Some people are just tacky beyond belief.
I think part of the reason these comments hurt so much is that for all of the pink-ribbon, "We're going to beat this!" crap, it really is a lonely road that we are on. People can't and don't want to understand it. We remind them of their mortality.
But oh, well, we're reminded of our own mortality every minute of every day, so if they have to think about dying for a few moments of their lives, tough luck. Kind of hard to be sympathetic.0
