Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients
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At the breast cancer conference talking to a "survivor".
"so where do you have cancer?"
(me) "in my lungs. In my bones. In my liver"
She "oh it went on quite a wander, didn't it! Hahahaha"
Me ( weakly) "yes. Hahahaha"0 -
I'm going to have to think of a line for Saint Apple.. one that will shut people up... of course i am Mary in Kansas.... not too memorable.
I was totally stumped, talking to my friend who has stage 3 bladder cancer. I didn't want to ask him any details and he obviousy wanted to 'talk'. I let him ramble for a while (I have it good really) and promised to add him to my prayers. He is doing well actually.
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I had an ex employee call me. She heard I am dying so she thought she'd be able to buy my business really cheap. She was fired 2 years ago for theft.
Okay.
I was polite
but my favorite saying that is very common is.....You look to good to be sick!
Some of the people who tell me this will say....This is the best I've seen you look. YOu looked really bad last week.
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Here's one that is already causing holiday stress this year, even though it occurred last Thanksg-Christmas. When I arrived at my son's future in-law's for T-giving diinner, I was surprised to see that one of their guests was a previous co-worker of mine. The man would not leave me alone - questions - personal, serious questions about my cancer were asked, right in front of my son and grandchildren. I ignored him and spent most of the day, out in the snow, with my grandchildren. I never even had a chance to visit with my son. I have a gently way of discussing my condition with my family. I know they are fragile and I am very careful. The idiot teacher did not even consider this as he blabbered away.
To top it off - my son's future mthr in lw. -who is nice, but thinks she is a Dr. now that she has a 2-year nutritionists degree-started asking questions as soon as we sat down to dinner - my God - everyone at the table was staring at me - sitting there bald, waiting for answers. My son is having T-G dinner at his house this year - I am very close to my future-dil, so I plan to ask her to talk to her mother about a disease-discussion-free Thanksgiving. If my wishes are not honored by some guests, I wil make a general announcement that the day is for celebrating family and friends - not for discussing illness.
Part II of 2011 Holidays - sorry this is so long, but important piece of it....Due to the challenge of T-Giving dinner, I did not attend Christmas dinner at my son's house, as I knew the same guests would be there.(The teacher-guy is single and son's in-laws drag him everywhere with them). I sent my regrets and stated that I did not feel well - I never feel "well", so that was true. My daughter, however, felt badly that one of us did not show for dinner, so she went - briefly. The teacher-guy actually started asking her very personal questions about me. She took him aside and let him have it when he stated, "I believe that many women get breast cancer because they are no long "satisfying" a man". WTF? I got cancer because I don't have sex? How did he know if I had sex or not? What an idiot.
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In writing the previous post, I realize that I just cannot deal with that guy this year. I am going to invite my son, his fiancee and my grandchildren over for a quiet dinner with my daughter and I. I will tell my son that I just can't deal with a lot of people right now. He will completely understand. I cannot even imagine what the teacher-guy will have to say about my mets dx! He will probably state that I need to find random, meaningless sex to cure me! lol
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Ew, Reality! That dude sounds creepy to the max! If I was at Thanksgiving dinner with him, he might end up with the contents of the gravy boat in his lap!
The idea of letting your DIL know ahead of time you'd appreciate a discussion-free dinner this year is very good. I've done things similarly myself, it's a very tactful approach. If someone doesn't honor it, I've learned to consistently steer the conversation in a different direction, or get up and go into another room. Or knock over the gravy boat. (Ha, ha, just giving you a suggestion, lol).
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Reality, he sounds like a perv. Maybe he likes you, in a wierd sick way. Dinner at your house sounds like an excellent alternative. It will give you tons of things to think about and plan for too. For me, that is part of the fun. That guy angers me to the max. I'd like to give that guy a punch in the nose for you. Oh UGH!
You enjoy your holidays with your family. Try your best to not allow him into any conscious thought. He does not deserve another one of your precious thoughts. Have a wonderful beautiful holiday with your family. What are you going to make?
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Thanks, Divine Mrs. - I love the gravy-boat idea! Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling previous post - I can feel the holiday stress building and am doing my best to keep that from happening. Thanks, again.
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....I do not think my son has a gravy boat....hmmmm- may be a nice house-warming gift as he and future din are remodling an old house together...Yep- he has to have one!
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lol, Reality, that's being proactive!
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I do believe you would have to buy two gravy boats, since you know you will break one!
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Maybe you should have a good supply of gravy boats...
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Oh - too funny - you guys are awesome! These posts are just what I need today - love you guys!
Sherry
Darn- just fell outside - feel free to check out my story on "Dumb things people say...", its too funny - painful, but just too funny...
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Reality - not too many things make my jaw drop. That one did! I can't believe that idiot said that to your daughter!!! Have you considered telling your son's inlaws what this jerk said? I don't think anyone would ever blame you for avoiding those get-togethers if they knew how horribly rude he was to you and your family. Make sure that gravy is extra hot! Of course, then he might get cancer because he may not be able to "satisfy" a woman for awhile. What a horribly indecent #!*%#!
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Thanks, surfreams. My daughter and I are seriously considering talking to my son about the situation because it was not just someone saying something dumb - He was persistent. My daughter told me that she did not even tell me all the pervert said.
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Reality, since what she told you was so awful and it's not even all of it, I agree your son should be told. He and your daughter would have to decide how much to tell her parents.
Her parents are probably nice people who haul this guy aroung because they feel sorry for him that he has no place to go for the holidays. We all know why he has no place.
Leah
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Switch the topic. I think you should come up with some awful, gruesome story about a guy with testicular cancer. Maybe his balls swelled up so much that every time he took a step, it felt like he was getting kicked in the nuts. It was an emergency surgery without anesthesia. Lost both balls, but accidents happen during surgery and they nicked his "goods" and it doesn't work anymore. Lives with a catheter, etc. any other cool stuff you can think of. He he he.
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OMG Spamgirl - too funny - I love it. You guys are definitely helping me get through the pain I am in after taking a bad fall in my yard this a.m. Thanks to allk!
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Reality, I think you need to come up with some doosey or do a "SUGARBAKER" moment. Remember the show Designing Women? When the Julia Sugarbaker would go on a 4 minute "tell someone off' rant that was perfect.
I can just see the entire table with their jaws hanging open.
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Oh and remember the best advice from Ann Landers, when someone asks you something, you reply that is personal why do you want to know...
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Fitz, Designing Women was one of the best shows ever! Great writing, great acting, loved it!
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I love this thread. It is so hard to respond to someone who seems to mean well. I usually say, "Oh, health talk is boring, lets talk about something else." Or, "I need a break from talking about it, if you don't mind." And usually that does it. But if it's a creepy jerk, it would be hard not to unleash. I agree with Fitz and say something like, "You seem really obsessed with my personal business. I wonder what that's about."
I have a huge arsenal of increasingly outrageous responses if you need them. I will even type them up and laminate it so you can bring it to your dinner and wipe off the spilled gravy as you read down the list.
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lol @ Surly.... Please share some of your zingers!
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Suggested responses to the idiot:
"Hey, look! There's room at the kids' table for you."
"I wonder if you're equally obsessed with people who have other kinds of cancer, like lung or pancreatic, or if you simply have a breast fetish. Are you still nursing? Your poor mother!"
"The turkey is really going to taste awful if you don't pull your head out of your ass pretty soon."
"Hold on. Let me grab my iPhone. I want to record you so I can enter this in The World's Biggest Jackass Video Contest. I'm going to be RICH!"
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Hello to all - Surly - you are awesome! I am absolutely hysterical.
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Fitzwins - I can definitely do Julia Sugarbaker - I was born in Maryland, but was raised by my aunt who was from W. Virginia. She could go off on four minute tirads at the tip of a hat! Great suggestion.
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"You don't look like you have cancer, you're too heavy." I have ascities. I almost hit the woman with my fist.
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Surly -- all good. Especially love #3!
Hotandcold - I'll bet Surly would have a quick comeback for yours too
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Hotandcold, I'd want to slug her too! How obnoxious. I can think of a few verbal punches, but I'd be too gobsmacked to come up with them on the spot. But these come to mind:
"Where did you say you went to charm school?"
"You're really working hard to win me over with sweetness and flattery, aren't ya?"
"And you don't look like a moron, but we all come in different kinds of packages, don't we?"
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Omg, Surly, GREAT comebacks!!!!!!!!
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