2013 Survivors!!!
Comments
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Joanne_53,
So happy to hear that there are wonderful, generous healthcare professionals still out there.
Sheryl
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Joanne, I had one of those this week too -my LEist (on his lunch break- no cost - his visits usually are $350) helped me make some pads to go under the arm where my swelling seems to be. He doesn't want me to be charged for anything, that is why he consults with me on his lunch
There are wonderful practioners out there and I thank the Lord for them!!!
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joanne: doesn't that put our faith back in human kindness... how wonderful.
301724: thanks for the tips... maybe I will start walking faster. Remember in the 80's when jogging really became fashionable. Well I loved the fashion and bought all the gear and really looked the part... I run out my door... up my road and thought 'this sucks' and turned round... but I looked good
marian: woo hoo for last chemo - wonderful feeling.
Off to get ready for work again ! Have a wonderful day ladies... I really am going to try and check in from work.
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This is a little off the current topics, but this has been bothering me for awhile with my husband.Right now I keep getting this weird vibe from him, almost like he hates me or just puts up with me. He goes out almost nightly to a bar, on this he said he wanted to be away from breast cancer or anyone that knew I had breast cancer. When I talk to him he either gives short snippy, answers or doesn't answer at all...and the silliest thing to me that bothers me, if I sneeze he does not say bless you or God Bless you. I still have just very white fuzz on my head, loosing my brows and lashes, still have the extra chemo weight and I feel like he feels like he got more than he bargained for. I was very fit, pretty, long natural curly hair, maybe he feels ripped off....Sorry did not mean to turn this into a vent, just wondering if anyone else having similar situations with their husbands.
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Butterfuly: I am so sorry you are going through this. I haven't had that experience with my DH, but know many women who have. I believe it could be because men want to fix everything and this is something they cant..... plus they find it harder to deal with than us women who are going through it. If he only married you for how you looked, that's pretty shallow anyway... remember your vows "in sickness and in health" blah, blah !! As for his comment why he goes to the bar... doesn't he think you'd like to get away from cancer too. Sorry, but he's a selfish bastard and needs pulling up by his socks. sorry again, you dont need me ranting about him do you?
But we are here for all your ranting and we'll join in the pity party anytime you want.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs to you xxxxxxxxxx
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Butterfly - vent all you want, that is why we are here.. I understand what you are going through. My DH goes into his office and plays shoot-um-up games and swears alot.. That is when I know he can't take anymore of my illness. but he usually comes back out. I also thinks he gets tired of hearing me say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen" - He does our finances too and worries about how we are going to pay the bills each month.. Tells me, God will get us through, but I think he is having a hard time believing it. I have gotten to the point, I only whine and vent on here or with a friend and try to do one nice thing for him everyday.. Usually, making his coffee in the morning. I didn't have to go through chemo but radiation burned me pretty bad and that is when he got standoffish and blurted out - "Maybe you shouldn't have done Radiation" - But 1.5 years later we are still together and chatting (of course we have been together 38 years) and he still goes in his office... and I hear alot of swearing in there...
I hope things get better.. just keep on telling him, you love him...
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Thanks Tazzy, i appreciate you. One of his new games is what can he find to complain about. For instance my car is in the shop, had class on Monday, used his car. yesterday morning came back in from on his way to work to make a speech that even though I would not listen and do what he asks, if I use his car again, I should move the seat back because I am making more work for him. Not only this, but other things that he would normally not care about but he finds fault in now. Spend a lot of time trying to keep ahead of what is going to piss him off, and right now don't need the added aggrivation from him on top of cancer.
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butterfuly. No you certainly dont need the added aggrevation and why should you. Fucking men are like spoilt little kids when things are not going their way... makes me mad. He really is just picking on things so he can get pissed off rather than focusing on the matter in hand (your bc). I am sure he loves you so much which is why he cant deal with it... as gma said just keep telling him you love him. Hugs and I hope it gets better for you.
Ok I have to go to work now
chat later. Love and hugs to all xxx0 -
Okay, I've been following this thread for a while now and think you guys are a great bunch of women. I haven't posted until now because I haven't really felt like a survivor until now. I'm finally done with all of my treatment (with the exception of tamoxifen) but I would love to join this wonderful group of women...although I have found that you guys are a talkative bunch! I think I'm up to the challenge.
Butterfly- I'm sorry you are having to deal with a husband that sounds selfish. Sounds like you need to have a talk with him and find out exactly what's eating at him. It's not like you asked for this crap.
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Welcome SonSon, this is a great group.
Butterfly, I can't even imagine my husband treating me that way. It is probably just his man way of dealing with something that scares him and he has no control over. Hope you can talk through it. We are all here for you if you need to vent.
Joanne, Very neat. There is some compassion left in the world of medicine.
I am taking a snow day off work today after having 57 degree temps yesterday. Crazy weather. Now if the power will quick going off and on. Going to enjoy the day with my 12 yr old. She is off to play in the snow for a while so now I can get a few things done around the house.
Have a great day Ladies.
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Butterfly- I agree with both Tazzy and Gma. Unfortunately men are jot built the same way women are. We women get pissed off cry then deal with the situation. Men get pissed off and start lashing out at anyone they can find. My DH gets mad because I bottle things up just so I don't piss anyone off. The bills my DH takes care of, because I know that I'm racking up A LOT of money right now and I can't help that. I didn't choose to have BC it picked me. I have to get my wedding band resized because of the LE it won't fit (but I keep wearing it) that's 150.00 for the resizing and for a ring guard on it. I think some men need to lose their balls to feel how we feel. I have lucked out the second time around and found my soul mate, he's my everything.
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Butterfly, He needs to find someone to talk to, but my DH only once has lashed out a me with his hurtful remark.. If he has somewhere to vent it would be good.. It makes me sad what some husbands do instead of saying - "I don't know what to do and feel helpless" That we can work with.
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Welcome Sonson...glad you have the rads behind you...keep loobin
Butterfly, you should not have to deal with this along with BC! Think he is frustrated but his target and venues for letting this out is just wrong! Hope he is willing to discuss it with you and work through it.
Lifeonitsside..thinking of you, how goes it?
Mcook...tick tock...almost there. Hope you found your quiet time!
I am meeting a friend today at the local rec center to get a tour of the torture machines there known here as the B#^*#@ and get introduced..Since Shoulder dr. gave me the ok to do all but arm out to sides weight bearing...I am gonng start to expend a calorie there.
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Welcome sonson, these gals are a talky bunch and sometimes hard to keep up with.
especially for me who doesn't get to pop in often.Tazzy glad to see things are going good for you.
butterfly-sorry your having problems with dh hope it gets better soon.
marian-congrats of finishing chemo!
Sending hugs out to all.
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Welcome sonson! Yes we do love to talk! And keep our cheerleader Scottie on her toes and she loves us for that! Haha
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Aruba I love it... Mcook - tick tock, tick tock!
Mcook; are you finally getting excited?! I was SO EXCITED to get that rock out and my squishees IN! I have trouble remembering how uncomfortable that rock was now. The memory is starting to fade and I'm so happy with my final outcome that it was well worth it.
Butterfly; Here's my 2 cents (well maybe 10 since I'm so opinionated). But this is just my opinion as I have no experience with this exact situation, but I can identify. My DH has been AMAZING every step of the way. He's held me when I've cried and not complained about anything. We just (litterlly an hour ago) refinanced our debt consolidation loan from 2 years ago, which was almost paid off, to include the credit card debt incurred by perscriptions and picking up the slack whilst I was on disability. I went a month with no salary. SO we are back to where we were 2 years ago in terms of debt, but hey - $9500 is nothing and we paid down $6000 in two years... we were so close to being done and looking to buy a house or condo. *sigh* maybe in 2014.
But ok - about your situation. Here's my thoughts... I agree with the other ladies - he needs someone to talk to and probalbly wants to fix, manage and control and feels totally helpless. However, when someone says that a behavior is "unacceptable" that means they are willing to walk away and terminate the relationship (and this, and it's just for me, applies to all relationships in my life). Unacceptable is UNACCEPTABLE so I don't use that word unless I mean it.
I can also see that you might want to approach him and tell him how he's hurting you and you understand that he is in pain too; and can't you perhaps go through this TOGETHER? Pain shared is pain lessened. BUT I would not tell him that he SHOULDN'T, or use any word that is confrontational unless you are willing to handle the outcome. I know it's scary - to confront someone you love and tell them that you have expectations and they are not meeting them. I know that you risk being even more vulnerable and getting hurt even more deeply. I know that the FEAR is that they will say ... "ok, well I can't meet your expectations, I'm sorry I'm disappointing you, but this is just too much for me and I'm outta here..."; so you say nothing at all. You eat your feelings and continue to have your self esteem and self worth pushed further into the abyss. I'VE BEEN THERE! That's a large part of the reason I got high for 25 years. Becuase I had relationships (and I mean friendships too) with people who I ALLOWED to make me feel like a piece of shit.
So what is the point of my diatribe here.... What you are really trying to do and need to think about is this: What are MY BOUNDRIES, and HOW DO I SET THEM and then STAND BEHIND THAT. That is a journey that you might need help from an outside professional to go on. I would highly recommend it, and perhaps your DH would go with you?
In any event, hang in there. Know you ARE VALUED and LOVED and that your perception is NOT always reality. and your FEELINGS are also NOT REALITY. They are just feelings, and they will pass.
BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK back to work for me....
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P.S. Sonson - welcome to our ever growing group of chatterboxes!!!
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Butterfly, quick 2 cents from me too. I have had some ups and downs recently with my DH too. He is incredibly supportive but we have a lot on our plate for this year with my treatments going on and on and he is likley to leave in late June for 6 months to move our boat from Turkey to the Caribbean without me. (BC and plans change so I can't go as planned). Maybe this added to the stress already going on but I get the silent treamtent at times when I have said something I can't even remember and he goes into his office and plays spider for hours. Last week I wrote a lot of pages in my journal and then decided it was time to talk. I wanted it not to be confrontational which is hard for me but I did get across that I am not willng to put up with feeling like I am doing things wrong and taking on guilt associated. We tend to both be competitive in different ways but I think he got it and no doubt there will be more issues we need to deal with but for now I am standing up and staying strong on what I consider important. Also I did go to a free counselling session at our cancer agency on my own and will go monthly. He can go too but for now I want those hours. He is never too keen anyway to go ot professionals!
But for you I feel your pain. Especially as he is going to the bar at night leaving you with all your thoughts which can then go go dark places while he is out having "fun." Sounds like time to manage some converstion no matter hard that may be to orchestrate.
As for my cheerleading role, I have been pretty quiet, but I know Tazzy is keeping track and Scottiee is dign a good job of cheerleading! But you are all in your own way working slowly toward personal goals.
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Yes, Welcome sonson! We want everyone to end up in the Survivor Group. Although you also look so young. I hope you will enjoy our chit chat about every subject imaginable!
Butterfly - so sorry you have to deal with a DH that is treating you that way. I am horrible at giving advise but I thought what Juneau wrote was very profound. I hope you can work out any difficulties. Not that you need any more difficulties right now. I run from confrontation - so I truly feel your pain. Let it out here until you are ready to take a stand. Our boobs maybe real or not but we all have big shoulders!
MCook - hope you are enjoying some alone time. Let everyone spoil you! Enjoy it, they will all go away soon enough.
Scottie - miss your scoulding - I guess we are all being good. I just got off the Beast! I do feel thinner - I won't weigh again until Friday morning. I hope I'm finally be under 160.
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Hi all,
I am going to post this message on many of the threads please help me share it as I found out about it here.
They will send a free head wrap/scarf. It took about 4 weeks but the wait was well worth it. I like the one they sent me better than any others I have. They even have a little fairy with wand in crystals on the edge of one of the tails. Too cute! They do accept donations too of course but it is absolutely free even the S/H is paid by them and they send a best wishes card signed by the staff. Just overwhelmingly generous and compassionate.
Thanks, Sheryl
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Sonson...welcome...these gals are a Godsend. Feel free to just read or chat. Congrats on being all done TXs. Many of us are done and still take Tamoxifen or Arimidex.
Marian...Yahoo on being done..
Joanne...that is great what your dentist did for you...talk about sensitive.. how wonderful.
I just came from my dentist an hour ago after getting the permanent crown on and we are getting hassled by Paul's insurance company. He called HR and she got a hold of the rep and NOW they say they will pay. LOL...I only had $500 left of the limit left anyways but I am going after it!
Scottiee...where did you send for your angel bracelet? I can't find the site.
Butterfly...I am so sad for you. Perhaps your DH is scared out of his wits and is too "manly" to admit it to you.
Try not to say anything you can't take back although I am sure you feel like it! Once your hair grows back and you begin to feel more like yourself (and it WILL take time) hopefully things we be more like it used to be.
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Susan, the bracelet came from Believe...her mother makes them. The website is www.angelbraceletsforyou.com.....they are all so beautiful...hard to choose.
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Sonson welcome to our crazy group. Glad you are finished with TXs.
Butterfly.....it truly pains me you are going through this with your husband. I wonder if seeing a therapist together would help????
Believe...thanks for the reminder, but you're giving the new gals a bad impression of me....lol. I think I need to give everyone a break this week as some are going through
TXs or finishing treatments, however LAYOFF the martinis ladies and did I read that someone ate their son's MacDonalds ....hmmm. A gentle reminder that it's weigh in
week..💃....Oh God, I think I'm going to get thrown off this site too.
Everybody else...hope you are all ok!!!0 -
Ladies - quick post as today has been busy with appointment and such.
Butterfly - I can't respond much right now and I am sorry you are dealing with this but I will respond with my thoughts later ok Hun hang in there! You can only control u and if someone is not good at supporting etc or whatever his situation is that is not your fault it is who he is but I have only skimmed you post! You are strong and you will either figure this out! Hugs!
Ok guess what! I sent in my application and I got accepted to be part of the fund raising team! Check out coasttocoastforcancer.org to see what I am talking about! Holy crap what did I just get my self signed up for I better start training mentally because the physical part will never be ready by June to do this:) I will send a link to my page when I get it! I am doing this for team sisters 2013! You all have inspired me so much this year! Check it Out and maybe if I run through your state you can come cheer me on!
Oh yes and crappy weather hampered any of my family coming here tonight for my surgery
it is ok I have all you in my pockets so I will be just fine:)
Juneau - got ur PM and will respond soon! Hugs!
Lots of love ladies! I am so grateful for each and everyone of you!0 -
Mcook, yes we will all be in your pockets despite the lovely weather we are having. ((((mcook)))
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Mcook; careful what you wish for, right? You wanted to be left alone...and now you are.
(Well only PHYSICALLY). I can't wait to hear how much better you feel next week when you can sleep comfortably again for the first time. OH THE SHEER JOY!!!!! 😁
Scottie; where's your whip?!
No need for it here anyway. I was so fucking good this week that the mother fucking scale better fucking move! I weight in at work at the noon WW group. Then run off to do the Pilates class they have there with Sheryl (who is a BC survivor).
I have exercised every day but last Friday. I have had not had even one cheat day and I changed my age (i added 20 yrs to make me 65) on my calorie counting program (loseit) to hopefully account for the lack of estrogen now. It lowered my caloric intake by another 100 calories as a result. So like I said... (I know its vulgar but its how I feel) THAT MOTHER FUCKING SCALE BETTER MOVE! Mine at home today went down 1.5, so I'm hopeful.0 -
Mcook....good luck tomorrow....will also be in those big pockets.
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Mcook- Good Luck tomorrow!!!!! I'm so excited for you. Can't wait to hear how your feeling in the next couple of days!!!!!
Juneau- Whips?????!!!!! now your talking! hahaha jk
Scottie- How are you doing my love? Hope you are doing well.
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Chrisrenee....I'm fine. I've been MIA a little, obviously with all the boozing that's going on here😡 Juneau....brilliant....I hate using that whip so one less is good...way to go.
To be honest ladies, I been a little down, although trying to stay up. I have become very close with someone on the boards here. She reached out to me when I was at my lowest last summer. She has become the sister I always wanted, my soulmate...sadly she lives an ocean away. She was just diagnosed last week with mets to the lungs, and is waiting
for results to make sure it is nowhere else. I am trying my best to support her, say all the right things, and just basically be there for her, if she needs me. Just sucks , I 'm still in shock myself, so you can only imagine how she is.
Love you all and have been trying to read at least and post a little.
I promise to start cracking that whip soon. 🍆🍓🍎🍇🍌0 -
Scottie- I'm so sorry about your friend. It must be so hard being supportive to your friend while dealing with your own battle. So proud of you for being you, people like you and the rest of the amazing women on this thread is what makes people like me happy to be part of an "exclusive" club.
I will keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers and will hope it's not anywhere else. Much love Ms. Cheerleader (whipmaster)0
