STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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Yes I know Sass.... It was magical! We stayed in a condo right there on the beach. My oldest Daughter likes to go there, and just stay alone, and have time to herself.... walk out on that beach, and maybe watch a turtle come up on the sand, and go to work digging that nest with her front flippers, or whatever they are.... I would like to go there with my DAUGHTER's and not my DH! They do NOT appreciate magical things like that.... especially at midnight!
So I don't see any problem with BFFFFFF or whatever he is.... He cares about you.... Just doesn't want to be near anything resembling a "rule." Just enjoy what you have, and don't expect anything more! You know you don't want to be with him constantly, right? HE sounds magical.... I would just go with what you have..... He probably loves your brain and your stability, and whatever ELSE you do.... Ha!
Sounds like he would like to put some distance between him and his kids.... I just wouldn't act like a wife to him....
I'm now using a new ointment... Halobetasol..... I KNOW it is very strong, and will only use it very sparingly, and once a day. She said it was for bad outbreaks... and to use Fluocinonide in the meantime..... Everything with gloves, but not after that ointment.... No dish-soap, shampoo, without gloves...
Spookiesmom! I KNOW...!!!! It's just hard to believe, that some people will go to that extreme to be THAT different! I mean Gay is one thing, but changing everything...... is just hard to understand. I think I am pretty liberal.... but it's just that.... Oh hell.... what do I know? I don't HAVE to understand.....
Okay bye....xoxoxo
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Julianna, I know you know this stuff, but for all particularly VEGGY. I have extensively edited my response today 6/9. The management of Veggy's MIL was negligent and should be evaluated by a lawyer. Veggy's MIL after being taken to the second hospital was found to have more pelvic fractures then were determined at the first hospital. I rewrote my answer to Veggy and will C&P it to her by PM. So, I cleaned it up for her, family and lawyer to read.
Veggy and family: Some questions that should have been asked prior to her discharge from first hospital. You were not responsible for these questions or answers. The Respondeat Superior--responsible superior, in this case, it is the physician. The physician may delegate this responsiblity, but he is ultimately responsible for whatever occurs. This is a PATIENT safety issue. There are many medico-legal concerns in this case. I believe a lawyer should be consulted. Complaints should be made to the County medical Society against the ER Physician. A complaint could be sent to Joint Jommision on Hospital Accreditation. Medicare would be very interested in this case except that MIL is not under medicares umbrella b/c of age.
The following questions are considered when a patient is being discharged. These questions , also, apply at the nursing home level and homecare level when a patient is discharged from NH to home, and discharged from homecare to self or family care.
Determination for appropriate level of care for discharge by the responsible superior.
1. Based on patient present condition is there a ready, willing, and ablely qualified care taker?
2. Based on patients present condition is the patients participation in the activities of daily living difficult, taxing, and takes a great effort.
3. Based on the patients present condition is there a continued need for care.
For Example. Veggy may have been willing, but she wasn't ready or able. These aren't judgementant factors. Just practicle because her own condition precludes her from being ready and able.
If there is not some one that meets the three criteria , then the patient CANNOT safely be discharged. The discharging person, can be open to abandonment charges for allowing the patient, to be moved to an unsafe environment which falls under "discharge to unquallified place of care without evaluation of safety and continued medical/nursing care is necessary"
The criteria above for determination of discharge is based on Standard of Care.
The standard of care(SON) , in this case does not meet the above criteria. SON for all patients is applied when the patient is transferred from one level of care to the next. Initial scenario of MIL's fall, EMS is called and she is taken to a hospital. This is her entry into "CARE". Ems delivered her to hospital, next highest level of care. The apporpriate next movement was admission to a hospital bed which would be an equal level of care. But she was sent home without provision for even a minimum level of care at arrival to home. Did this ER doctor abandon his patient?
The burden of determining abandoment is 1. Did the ER physician have an established duty to the patient (yes) 2. Was there a continued need for medical care (yes) 3. Did the Er doc allow patient to receive care by an equal qualified physician at discharge (no). 4. Did the transport to home and then to another facility increase stable or hairline fractures to change.(needs to proved) 5. Could any reasonable practicing physician have forseen these needs and further injuries.(yes) In addition was there aready willing and abely qualified caretaker present at the home to recieve the patient. (no).
a. a ready care taker was not present. Family could not be deemed ready. Family has not been trained. No one was at that house to properly access the house safety for having a bedridden patient with the injury the patient had sustained.
b.Willing family, but none possessed skills to safely care for this patient with the injury present.
c. Family was not able b/c they are not trained. Training would included, but not be limited to the following: how to recognize or what to do in an emergency. Management of personal care. MIL was delivered home to a lower standard of care in an unstable condition, with no qualified caretaker present at arrival,
HER PCP understood all, and had her taken to another hospital. The admission to the second hospital meets the standard of care appropriate to her condition.
Previous to knowing she was admitted to a second facility, I stated that I would have liked to see her in the hospital to make sure of stability of any co-morbid problems. Comorbid means other disease or conditions involving other body systems, for example, heart, head, lungs, vascular, kidney. diabetes. The four biggest problems with a pelvic fracture are bladder and potential urinary disruption, constipation, pain, all complications of reduced mobility, thrombophelebitis and or emboli events. No family member knew any of these because none were trained.
Plus, medicare requires a 3 day stay to qualify to go to rehab. Depends on MIL fracture as to activity level, but today's pelvic fracture patients do allot more than 20, 40,60 years ago. The activities allowed are designed to prevent the complications of prolonged immobility conistent with pelvic fracture management. Medicare covers a 21 day stay in a rehabilitation facility. Most insurances follow Medicare's lead re:rereimbursement. MIL likely not on SS, but as I've said most insurances use Medicare as there guideline.
Quagmire: 1.You may want to call me val or have DH talk to me when the EMS and private ambulence bills start coming in. I calculate she had four trips. Money wise that's huge. I can help reduce substantially. You just have to use the right words. First right words "Don't pay anyting until you talk to me regarding the buggy rides"
2. How the insurance is going to fight covering the bills of Ems tansport, Hospital and admission to second hospital. The battle will be is that she was discharged to home and then went from home to second hospital, all in less than 24 hours. There will be Lots of back room meetings on this one. None of this was MIL fault, but will take some strong negotiations.
FOR everyone NEVER sign the GUARANTORS section of the admission form. ONLY the patient should sign even if they are your spouse. If they are unable , still refuse. Otherwise, if you use your name, you may have just committed to pay their bill. If signed as POA, that is done as the patients personal representative. That does not make you responsible for the bill. Minors are different, parent or guardian are responsible.
EDIT 6/9 Veggy PM'd me that MIL was taken to a second hospital by order of mil's doctor.
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Been in bed all day...The ixempra kicked my arse. Feel like Ive been run over by a mac truck. Going back to bed, will check in later tonight.
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Sas......girlfriend, forgive me, but isn't your self worth, and your dignity more important then "good sex"...........he knows you don't mean what you say, and keep this in mind......what would you have left that would be meaningful when the sex is gone, and we all know that happens eventually.........he knows a good roll in the hay is all it takes for you to welcome him home, regardless of how much you bitch at him when he finally arrives.....he knows you are grateful, and will never stop till you prove you WON'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
Come on girlfriend, hire a good handyman for big and small jobs, tell him there is a laundromat a couple blocks away, and show him the door, and mean it........your loving, caring, compassionate, and far to intelligent to accept playing 2nd fiddle to his buddies..........sounds like he has to get out of the "sandbox", leave the playground, and start acting like a "real man"...........YOU DESERVE BETTER.0 -
marywh - feel better Sister. I just got back in bed because I have terrific pain in all of my joints. What the hell?? I thought this mess was all over after my last chemo and shot on May 1 and 2. I guess it will linger on for as long as it wants, huh? Well peace, prayers, love and blessings to you and ALL my fellow Sisters. I INTEND to feel better tomorrow so that I can attend Church!
Flowers
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Oh sure Ducky! You make much more sense than I do...Ha! But I don't think Sass is ready to give him the big heave-ho.... at least not yet. My Mom took so much crap from my Dad.... So many years.... filing for divorce even when I was graduating high-school.... He moved out a FEW times, finally to California... Mom found out he moved there with one of his girl-friends.
She finally left him, and Mom moved out to California to be with him.... Always took him back. Stayed married 62 years.... sometimes happy, most of the time not. BUT she said she would rather have him part of the time than not at all. He put her through hell.... but they loved each other.
And when she passed away, he grieved for another year, and finally died himself... He just didn't want to live without her.... The point is.... It was her choice.... her man.... and she couldn't see life any differently. So she put up with his alcoholism, and his cheating... My Brother and I were just "there"..... caught in the middle, with no place to go.... and they scrambled to try and make a life together, and Dad wanted to do it HIS way.
I know that is not my idea of a good marriage.... but I know in my heart they did love each other.... along with every one else....
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So sorry Mary. Ix sux. I've been in bed most of the day also. Blech
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Chevy....I understand exactly what you mean.....lived it too "at times". Honestly when either one dies, I don't think you grieve for the "loss", you grieve for the life you could have had, but for the stupid shit that always got in the way of a "real life"
My husband never, never cheated....he had no respect for men who did, he never drank, never missed a day of work, or was never late a day.......so you say......"Hey, then what's your bitch".......,.,.plenty........try "moody".....,,maybe had he cheated, or drank, I would have thought that a good reason to "end it" .......I didn't.....I stayed cause back then we thought that was what you did.........so who suffers.......YOUR KIDS......back biting, arguing over stuff so stupid you can't even say "I'm sorry", cause you can't remember what the f-----g argument was about...it was that stupid....
Did I truly love him.....I am not sure now.......I just know we wasted a lifetime of pure happiness, over bullshit......I know there was a time I worshipped the ground he walked on, and those are the days I try to remember........I never expected to be "the Brady Bunch", or have a marriage made in heaven........all I wanted was respect.........like I say to my kids........you don't have to like me, but you damn well better respect me........cause in the end I believe "true love" is born out of respect.......
Sas deserves that no matter how hard walking away is..........
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Ducky you are right. Chevy you are right. I haven't reached the point yet to end it permanently. If he had problems like drinking that would make it easy. This sandbox thing(good analogy ducky). I'll just have to see. He's almost home. I've taken all that you've said to heart and head. And womever said "Follow your Heart, and Guard your Soul" PHYLL?. It's on the frig in big letters. He got the meaning first explanation after he questioned it.
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Hi guys---Some of u aren't feeling well and I'm sorry --I know how miserable it is. Just stay in bed and have chocolate--it helps.
O great I already forgot the last page, chit the Tshirts wait --Dana I remember that now --Oh I've heard that that Alaska cruise is wonderful--I know a few people who went and they said it was the best---So that should be fun.
And I loved that picture of the turtle, I thought it was going ro be another chicken pic.
OK Ladies here's my 2 no not even 1 cent worth about our Sas.--Sas u'r BF sounds like an OK guy but he wants to do what he wants to do and if u truy accept that fine---but u can't accept it cuz u want to be first--I don't blame u--but he doesn't make u feel that feeling u want. So when he's there in bed he gives u that feeling, and u want it, so u need to accept what ever he does as part of him. If u'r happy at least 4 days a week that's not bad in our lives if u can handle that if not the u know what u need to do. But if u are willing to be hppy sometimes then just know u won't all the time and let it go so u don't waste time arguing--Don't count on him for 7 days of happiness--just think well he's OK and it is what it is. And of course u deserve better but u can't make that happen with him so this is u'r pattern of u'r relationship and he seems to be OK with it but u'r not. It's up to u, u really can't change many people unless change come from not being able to do what they did before---rhen u feel obligated to care for them--so......I'm in between Chevy and Ducky-smack in the middle.
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Cami you are right too. All three of you have hit every key point--EVERY one. Such smart friends. Be back
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Yes, we are all kind of right.... I know what you and Ducky are saying Cammi.... sounds like we have all been there, done that. We want to feel like they love and want us as much as we want them. And when that happens, life is perfect......
If we want them, and they can't make that same commitment, then we really have to think about if it is all worth the heart-ache..... I don't think a break-up is ever easy, whether it is temporaty, or permanent... like with a divorce.
Geez Sass, have we helped at all?
I'm so worried about my Husband right now.... His teeth are SHOT! I mean they are all really bad, and he is not one to have them checked, or fixed, until it is too damn late. I can't be mad. He hurts right now.... So Monday I am taking him in, even if it is to a car-garage, to get them fixed! We have a Dentist, that of course is out until Monday. They must be infected, because they hurt! I hope I don't have to take him to an emergency room....
I mean they can't be fixed.... they have to be pulled.... SHADES of Princess Kantalope! I just wish they were all pulled, and he could have perfect teeth like my upper plate!.... Talk to you all later... xoxoxox
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Sas..I was in your shoes for a long time.
What finally cured me after 10yrs was reading books like smart women foolish choices,pulling your own strings...it made me realize I do deserve better and if I cannot find betta ill stay alone.
You do deserve betta...
Sure a good roll in the hay is great but after its all said and done...what have you really got besides that? Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.
I wish you the very best..0 -
Sas.........whatever it takes......just remember.......your someone special......demand that treatment........settle for no less...........sometimes it's better to be the one "happy while standing on the pier waving , then being the sad one in the boat setting sail with someone just to not be alone"
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WTF? SIX PAGES of notes since I last posted. No way can I catch up right now. Peds clinic is coming along. PH likes me now, no surprise there. Lots to learn, not the best environment. It's 12 hours with bus travel, 14 on Jazzercise nights.
Not so DH is going down hill fast, alcohol, severe chronic pain, plus opioids = dementia. He punched me in the head last night he was so out of it, my son had him arrested for assault. He bailed him out for $1000 a few hours ago, and helping him get settled at the Y. He's in very bad shape. I have a bruise on my brow, on blood thinners so kept ice on a long time, was worried about head trauma and brain bleed. By law he needs to stay away from me until Monday. In 25 yrs of marriage he has never gotten this bad. The pain is killing him. My son is staying with him this afternoon until he is settled. I haven't seen him cry in years, but when they handcuffed his dad he cried after. So, so, sad. But getting slugged in the face is a wake up call. This is a hard time for us. Pls pray for my family. I'm trying to keep my center and do the right thing, it just kills me to have done this to him, but enough is enough. I won't put my life in danger. He needs to get help.0 -
WTF I never knew it was this bad Shell---what can I say. U always sound so up and ready to go---U've come out of a battle of u'r own to shine and BTW I knew u would be liked--who can not) But all this drama I feel so bad and for u'r DS how hard this is. I never had the patience to put up with a man that wasn't an OK guy very long so therefore I've been divorced a couple of times, so it realy is hard for me to say much---but I was younger (of course) It's so not easy and u'r trying to get u'r own life together so it's worse for u. I would think. I have no advice just think about everything and u'r son and u'll do whatever u need to do, I'm sure.
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Oh Shell, Im so sorry, been there done that...Dont have any great words of wisdom, wish I did, but you did the right thing. It took more than 1 punch for me, but it did get better. Took dh 15 years to realize he was the problem and he finally did get sober and has been that way for 15. Sending you hugs, you too Sas sometimes it takes a long time for a boy to become a man....
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Oh Chevy I think having one tooth ache is horrible but having more is the most pain I'v ever been in my life, but that's just me--be kind and get him whereever he has to go ASAP and knock him out if u have to.
Phylomatic will bring her sharp shooter with her and get him where he has to go.
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Shell I don't know what to say, other then, been there too........only difference is my husband was not a drinker or a drunk.........that was worse, cause there was no excuse.......other then he was a very angry man, who thought he was pushed into doing what he did......don't know why I stayed.......6 kids maybe....but the goo times were always more then the bad.....but that made up for nothing........had he left, I would not have been sad, but that was not about to happen.......so I stayed and just dealt with the bad along with the good..........only good thing that happened was I raised...3 very strong daughters, who take no shit from no man.......and I mean no man..........I taught them....keep your own bank account, check book, and live each day as though tomorrow you might be supporting yourself.......and they have......all have high paying positions, and could make it on their on......my sons are successful too, but I made sure my daughters grew up strong, depending on no man.......
Just be safe, and think of your son........hug0 -
She'll, meant to ask......what is the pain from.....and if I can get personal.......how old are you to be taking a shot to the head....I feel so sad for you.....God help you.
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Shell, you did nothing........don't go there.......please never blame yourself, you did nothing wrong...that is one brave young man, and God love him for taking care of you when he had too...that is an amazing boy, who loves you very much, and was the man of the house when he had to be........
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Shell......I didn't realize either things were so bad. You are amazing at faking....So so
sorry this is happening to you....thank God you have your son at hand for support.
Please keep venting here when you need to..(((((()))))0 -
I am so worried about Shell.....
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Shell -(((((hugs)))))
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What in the world is goin on?
somehow i missed the part of Chevys hubby....OMG shades of princess...God help him...if he is lucky they just might pull them all out and put new ones right in...check that out.If he dont have any infections he just might get it...good luck sista..im prayin for you and that hubby you do love very much.
And Shells...I dont know what to say to you except im prayin real hard for you...yeah right now and all nite...somehow things do seem a bit brighter in the morning....you have pain..you should have it checked...yeah and right now too.seriously...a blow to the head is not good for anyone.please check it out....
This thread took a turn for the worst....please everyone pray things settle down for all of us.
im not likin this one bit...and yes im scared too.
please who ever is reading this we need prayers right now....if your here please post and say prayer.
a huggg will do just fine
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Prayers for everybody,always...
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Prayers for sure===WTF this is rough times today=Princess I don't like this either.
Ducky I'm so glad to hear u'r Dgts are so independant---that is so important for u and them to know that--if they need to be they can be.
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This is gonna be an all niter....i think i just might join you...
Please shellls go have that checked.
prayin real hard.
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Shell been thinking about this too---and I do agree with Granny just to be safe.
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I'm so sorry little Shells... I've watched this happen also... I don't know what to say, except stay safe.... You and your Son. I know you probably love your Husband, but you don't like him right now... You would be told by any womans counselor, or a hot-line, to get away.... Either him or you has to leave, before something else happens.
I know it hurts your Son.... the kids suffer the worst, because they love both of you. He has to get help.... like the other gals have said... He needs some kind of meds...
My DH flew into a rage, one time when I left... Broke up everything.... Police took him to the hospital, then to the mental wing... Was there for 72 hours, then held for another week. I finally came back home, helped getting HIM back home, and things were better for awhile. It just takes an act of God to help you through this............. I know. Can you go to classes for abused women? Whether mental or physical, abuse IS abuse.... and there is help out there.
I'll be back in the morning.... have to look up pain, and what to do before we can get to the dentist... xoxoxoxo
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