STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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I'm sorry, but I'm going to say something that I'm sure no one will agree with but just imagine we're sitting around having a glass of wine talking OK? I to this day don't understand how anyone can really love someone tht treats them horribly or not nice at all in any form of abuse. I mean when I got married to my 2nd husband I totally loved him like a craxy lady, but in time--not that much time I couldn't love him anymore he hurt me to much. And it took a yr but I lived the way he wanted and I planned how I was going to do everything him not having a clue---and then I told him I want a divorxe and got him out quickly and he was shocked and thought I was always going to be madly in love, but no and I told him so--I just wouldn't take it--he promised all kinds of things was as nice as coud be but I didn't even see him again--He'd cal and tell me he's paint the house and make it the way I wanted and (cuz that was under his control) and I told him paint it black for all I care I was done. I moved where their was a buzzer he knew, I never buzzed him in just talk for a minute on the thing and that was it. So I have difficulty feeling the emotion but I love him---only cuz i couldn't that's all I mean.
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Cam....I think when they are nice you are so happy for the peace, calm, and serenity, you believe at that moment it will change forever.......but it never does.....I truly believe it is a mental problem, and they have no chance of ever changing without expert help......I also believe that underneath that hard, tough, abusive behavior is a very insecure person, who lacks self esteem, and the only way they can feel confident is by bullying, controlling, and degrading the ones they are suppose to love........I would not allow myself to be put down, but paid the price for standing up to him....
I was wrong to stay......and so is anyone else who allows anyone to abuse them.......no one ever hits you once.......it is a pattern.......it stops when you take a stand, and get out......
Cam....you did the right thing.......I should have too.......I don't know if later years would have changed things.......I never had the chance to find out.......he died at 57, from Pancreatic cancer........he told me he got the worst type of cancer because of the way he at times treated me.....of course I knew that was not true........
I do however believe he grew up in that kind of environment......his father was a bully too.....and my MIL allowed it.........you learn what you live........thank God I preached to my boys how to treat a lady........0 -
Good for you Camille....I did almost the same thing...i moved,changed my car,changed my job.when enuf is enuf you know it.
All iwant to hear is that Shells went to take care of that blow to her head.
This is about her right now...
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Oh Princess I know it's about Shell but I just had to expain why I don't understand the love thing. Shell are u around or are u resting maybe--U must be beside u'rself--u said he never was this bad. Oh boy this is awful Shell and I hope u can somehow get some help with all of this.
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Shells,
Please get your head checked. You know how important that is. I know as nurses we think we can help everyone. Sometimes we are too close to the issue to think rationally. Don't blame yourself, just be sure you and your son are safe. Then you can help your husband find help. I'm praying for you.
PPK and all the hooligans, yes, rough times today, but we have the strength of friendship to help each other through this. I know I count on your support and you can count on mine.
Take care.
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Camille---i know what you meant about your story...i put mine on too...and yes i agree with you 100%
I just want shells to have that head checked...
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I am so tired, but can't get Shell out of my mind...need to take my meds and get some rest.....knees are killing me, and my LE arm is not looking good tonight.......
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day or all of us........Dear God I hope so.......0 -
Will be up early o have coffee with my best friends.......provided I even get to sleep.....goodnight
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My Dear Bright Shell....please take care of YOU and your son and be safe...I am praying that God gives you the direction and peace to carry on ♥
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Your art work is so pretty! You have such talent! Hope u continue! Gorgeous!!!!
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Im with Ducky...my eyes are closing and my body hurts BUT my brain will not shut off.
Please Shells if you are reading this please check that head out.
im shutting this off for now...
i just may be back later.
praying
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Miss WilliNilli...thank you if that was meant for my artwork!
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We love our shell shine, hope you get some well deserved rest tonight.
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My Chicadee, Glad u got that message! Wasn't sure and deleted it because I thought it was posted in the wrong place. Saw your response only after i deleted my first message. Still mean every word I said though! Your work is beautiful!
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Chit I'm awake again, thinking--I'm sorry we sound like nags but Shell u did say u can't see u'r husband til Monday??? right? So u hve time to get everything checked out if u don't want to let everybody know. That's all, u would advise someone else to do that. That's all we're doing.
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I had a stfu moment just the other day that caught me like a deer in the head lights. You only had stage 1, it was still small, you only had a lumpectomy and only radiation. Well it was like not having cancer at all.
why yes da it was a walk in the park. Bless them Lord for they forgot to take their foot out of their mouth0 -
Cami,
Sorry you can't sleep. Have anything planned for Sunday? (still Saturday here). The weather is supposed to be nice here. I'm trying to get motivated to clean out my closet-not having much luck. Hope you can get some sleep tonight.
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Hi Judi--they should just keep their foot in their mouth so they can't say things like that again. OMG Only!!! That deserves a big STFU
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I really have more, I thought I would carry around a tape recorder but I thought if anything got out of hand it might be considered premeditaion. Your right they need their feet left where they are
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Welcome Judi- Sounds like they should learn to engage the brain before putting the mouth in gear.
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Just had someone knock on the door. Nothing I expect at 11 PM. I live in a quiet neighborhood. It was a police officer. One of the neighbors reported a loud noise-thought it was a gunshot, so he was checking it out. I heard it but it sounded more like one of the loud firecrackers that are illegal here, but available in Washington State. Such an exciting Saturday night!? Is this what happens when I hang out with hooligans?
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Dear friends, I am really ok. Bad news: I have been living with a smart, kind, once handsome man for 25 years who has progressively gone downhill since an accident 12 years ago.... had a broken neck, partial spinal cord and head injury when he fell 25 feet while picking avocados on our property. He has always been a risk taker, and I still blame him to this day for taking that risk, and many more since then. He gets loaded, does stupid things, then gets hurt some more. I stayed by his side day and night during his recovery. Got him social security and Veteran's 100% disability so he brings in a decent income. His debillitating neuropathic pain has been worsening as he ages, made even worse by escalating use of alcohol to manage pain. When he's trashed he falls a lot, further injuring himself. He's now 65, I'm 58, and tired tired tired. The past 5 years he has beendeclining, both cognitively and physically.
I have been a good wife, but now the constant falls, drinking, combined with prescribed narcotics and cognitive decline have been very difficult. I am very negative towards him when he is drunk, happy and supportive when he is sober. It is an up and down existence.
Yesterday I left home at 6:15 am and got back home at 6:15 pm - H was trashed - had fallen down several times. He didn't drink so much when I was home studying last semester. He does much better when I am home with him. DS was worried. He got him to bed, picked me up at the bus stop, I made an easy dinner for H to eat out of a bowl, got him up on the couch with a big towel on his lap. I was not happy and it showed. He got obnoxious, after DS and I scolded him repeatedley while we were watching a movie he got an attitude and stomped off, banging stuff in the bathroom while he took a long time to get ready for bed. DS got so pissed that he picked him up and threw him in the bed. H was so out of it he called 911 before I knew what was happening, absolutely incoherent. Police showed up, I let them in, they assessed the situation, saw no one was in danger, and left. DS and I hid the phones.
When I went to bed at 11:00 I told H what a complete asshole he was. I was tired and pissed. When DS was woken up by our arguing, he had just had it, and restrained H when he went to open up another bottle of liquor. I went over to help DS and got socked in the brow, hard. DS let him fall to the ground and we sat on the couch for a while, trying to get him to calm down - but couldn't. Usually when I am alone with him I can get him settled, but last night things went too far. After much discussion we warned him that with my bruised face (ice pack was applied immediately) he would be arrested if he didn't settle down. He didn't, was screaming and yelling so DS called police, he was arrested and taken to the hospital for eval, then to police cellblock. One prior assault on me 6 years ago when he slapped my face (I did not report it).
Sad, sad story, repeated endlessly across the world over the ages.
My brother is a former cop, is coming over tomorrow to pick up the guns in our home and give me the card of the domestic violence legal advocacy service. H is at the Y, comes home on Monday. I will sit him down and tell him that he needs to a) go into treatment, b) move out or c) I will get a restraining order and prosecute. Tough love. Hard choices. If, at any time, he gets nasty, we will call 911, have him arrested again.
Tonight DS and I are watching a movie, it's peaceful. So, so hard when you have been family with someone for so many years, so kind and smart but turns ugly with alcohol. It has not always been this bad, but we have crossed a line this weekend. I'll be OK. I'm smart, strong and a survivor. I feel so sad for him, but I can't go down with him.
My head is fine - I stayed awake for about 3 hours to make sure I was ok, ice applied constantly. Only slept a few hours, would wake up and check my own neuro status. DS kept checking on me, too.
Please pray for my family as we navigate our way through this difficult time.
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Of course prayers will come u'r way---U sound like u really are handling this, I think that's what we all wanted and if u'r sure u'r all right that's what we want too. And again I go against the norm but, most of the time when a man isn't working because he's unable to he can change drastically over the years, for some reason even tho they are bringing in money most men find this very usettling and that they have somehow failed. And in someway destroy themselves. I'm not making excuses for him, I'm just saying how this is what needs treatment--to make him feel his worth in life. U know I think out of the box and Shell we just care about u and safety and u'r son. It woud be wonderful if he took care of himself, I know u would stand beside him, but if he doesn't u and u'r son can't be dragged into this web he's creating. (((HUGS)))
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Shell, Thanks for letting us know you are okay. It's amazing how connected we have become. You and your family are in my prayers.
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Shell.....thank you for letting us know you are ok. We will be praying for your family of course. I grew up with an alcoholic father .....when he was good he was good but when he was bad....look out. I'm so sorry, you and your son don't deserve this. Thank God you are a strong woman and have your son there for support. Will be praying for you daily......❤
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Good morning hooligans....we've had a rough few days here and my heart is heavy for all who are going through physical and emotional crap. I wish I had a magic wand to
make it all go away. You are some of the strongest women I have ever met and I know
Your/our time is coming when we will be able to put all this behind us.
My dream is that we could all get together for a few days somewhere and just eat, drink and be merry and forget all our crap, physically and emotionally....I said it's a dream.....lol0 -
Miss Shell....your story makes me sad and I want to be there to hug you and hold your hand......you do sound amazingly focused with hard choices ahead....I hope the answer comes easy for you and your son...all my love ♥
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Morning Miss Scottie!
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Morning Chick......is it you and me this morning?....how are you feeling?
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Still feeling pretty good...2nd chemo not till Tuesday so I'm taking advantage of every good day... how about you my friend...losing more hair this morning and my scalp kinda hurts.
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