STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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thanks Shell for sharing and know we are not judging your decisions as to whatever you decide, Unfortuantely have lived like that on numerous occassions and you can't argue with a drunk, and you cant make him stop drinking unless he wants to...make sure when you talk to him he is sober.....the twins father I had to get him before 11am cause after that the alcohol was flowing....your son is so brave and I am sure it was so hard on him to do that, but he did the right thing....and unfortunately you know that it will come back from your H yelling about how your got him arrested etc. just know you and DS did the right thing....in our golden years we don't want to have to deal with this crap and stress is a cause of cancer, which people in my house don't understand....My twins who are 19 have been abusing me verbally physically and emotionally for years...people want me to get them thrown out, and I feel so guilty cause they have no place to go and my other children don't want them.....One of the last times was 2 weeks before graduation and I knew if I called the police that he would go to jail, not graduate and would probably be there...my older kids are mad at me, but they know that I have to do it when I am ready....I am supposed to move out of where i am living cause it is too big and I can't afford it, the issue is whether to take them with me....I really don't want to but again no place for them to go, they have mental health issues....so I totally understand where you are....hang in there and prayers are always there....
NEXT
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Turtle story...I grew up in an apartment complex and we were not allowed to have dogs or cats.... I was also an only child and my play mates were little turtles that you used to be able to buy at the pet store...I even tried to "walk/run" them on a leash made out of yarn when I was very little...needless to say that did not work out to well.....
This is my chemo buddy.....
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Oh Blondie, I'm so sorry for the sorrow you have gone through, and all our other sisters. This problem is more common than I knew. Blondie I hear you, it would be impossible for me to abandon my son, at his age. If he were a problem child I would continue to help him until his early 20's, then if not making progress - out the door on his own. Life's great teacher.
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That is right Chevy....the rads is a more direct hit...chemo is preventative after surgery that is the way it was explained to me the first time...Chickie...3 more you can do it...
Shell so proud of you, and your H needs to understand that he is teaching your son how to treat a woman, but your reaction to is is teaching your son how strong women and b....you have each other....feel bad for him, does he or/and you need alyon (sp) I went it was helpful...the twins were on SSI and it stopped when they turned 18, they appealed and lied, they have no job, do not go out of the house, unless they are with a family member or their mental health people....I was doing their food shopping but decided I was care taking of them so now I make them go, which we will do this afternoon as I said...they are still verbally abusive but the physical stuff has stopped, if it does happen again will not hesitate to call the police and they or he will go, bye, and they are blonde blue eyed, they better watch themselves...hang in there, what is the plan for tomorrow, do you have one?
Chickie love it, I have a turle that is a puppet and my grandchildren play with it....Me too back then you could buy turtles at the store, wasn't allowed to have pets was an only child so turtles it was, and I adore them to this day...I will start taking my panda to chemo....the nurses at chemo bought me a pink boa and I wear it, will take pix of both and post...
Luv you guys bbl have to lay down, eyes are watering it is so annoying....
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Shell, I think your choices are what he needs. Would it be possible to have someone else in the house while you have this chat? Not in the room, but near a phone. You might also want to give his prescriber a heads up that he's combining alcohol with his opiates. Best wishes for a good solution that will get him sober and recovering. (((((HUGS)))))
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No one deserves to be abused by anyone, anytime, in anyway..... Abusers are "sick" and they need help, not pity.........talking from experience, but was not from my children.......under no conditions does a child ever put their hands on a parent......( unless you are protecting them from abuse, as Shell's son did)....,,,,,
Blondie with all you do, and all you go though from week to week, those boys should hang their heads in shame...you work, keep a home, take care of grandchildren, attend games, shop for them........all this while having chemo treatments and dealing with stage 1V cancer......how dare they.........sorry hon, overstepped my boundaries
, but I am appalled by what you are dealing with.........your a saint, this will not end till you stop allowing it.........send them to me, I will straighten their asses out in a NY minute.....my God.....how dare they......I better STFU......0 -
For some reason my LE arm is hurting today......damn this is not good......it never hurts, although yesterday I lifted a 2 lb weight about 10 times, over my head but we are supposed to do that....hit, better put my sleeve on.......
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Blondie......sorry if I'm overstepping the mark too, but I have to agree with Ducky!!!!
You are just facilitating them ......my God they are nineteen, help them to get there own place and take away their keys to yours. You deserve none of this ....do it Blondie....it won't end until YOU make it end......❤0 -
How can anyone put their kids in the street???
Feel the sorrow and pain more then u can imagine.
Get them help.keep tryin..and never give up on them.
Many of you might think I'm crazy but no one should have no place to live.
There is sooo much out there now..every corner u turn there is help.
I saw a show with Robert Downeys father and his bottom line was never ever give up on your kids.
I'm so sad for all parties involved.0 -
Gran.....your right...you never give up on them......you know from PM' what I have done for my grandchildren......I don't think parents have to take the abuse that kids either knowing or unknowingly give to them.....it happens, but if this becomes a way of life how much do they have to endure.......
Also....some kids want help, others don't and there are those who want the help, but think it is "whimpy" to cave in to parental pressure.....but no parent should ever be physically abused........that is the absolutely inexcusable.........
Help is out there......but you can't force a child past 18 to get it........sometimes parents have no choice but to give them an alternative.........my way, or the highway........especially when it gets physical...........the nightly news is full of families who had a tragic ending.......
However, I do believe discipline starts in the cradle......it is never to young to start setting boundaries.....what is not "ok" today, can't be "ok" tomorrow........you have to make "no" mean no.....inconsistency is the ruination of discipline.........from day 1 it begins........you cannot be a parent and a friend...........later in life.....yes, but when they need real guidance......no..
Kids want love and stability.....you can only do your best......but you never give up on them.....each child is a life worth saving.0 -
Oh we all kno I sleep ith 2 pillow pets--my GS's--but he was happy to let me, now they are mine--
Wow so much turmoil on here the last couple of days an shring too and so many of us have had so many similiar experiences and decisions were different but it's just strange to me.
Oh Blondie u'r twins are 19, but being mentally ill is a whole new ball game, I can't imagine having that going on--u said they don't socialize, go out or much else--I guess having each other is ll they need but they are not of help to each other. I had one who has been extreme mental illnes but when she was 18 I took guardianship over her and it made her stay in a hospital and special needs places--she absolutely hated me then) but what else was I to do. I don't know if u can do anything like that, so u'r boys can be properly treated (no doubt with meds) but unti they can reach them and help them there doesn't seem like there is another way. I don't know. It broke my hert but I knew I couldn't help her--now I live with her and she's doing very well. She doesn't work pressure of a job is to much for her and we all acept it--she's on dis. but she takes her meds all the time--if she didn't then it's horrendous. Again this is about u I know but living an experience similiar I can relate but my choice was different.
U u'rself can not change u'r boys--they need professional help--just treating u poorly is enough for that help and the rest is making it more clear---Bondie u'r a sweatheart and u can not continue to live like this--they are getting older and so are u---what's next? OMG all these decisions are so hard to make and u realy don't know if u'r making the right one ever for the men in our lives, for the chidren that we had. Then we all get BC--Geeze we shoud be called can't catch a break people sometimes. We;re quite a crowd here. But at least we do understand more than the horrible BC that everyone had or having--what a group but we are here for each other.
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Cam....2 of my sons each had a boy who got into drugs, induced by sports surgeries that got them hooked...(asked my son why they did not control the pill bottle)........or....let them deal with some of the pain......but instead they first did it for pain, and then cause they enjoyed it..........put my sons through hell....fighting, wrecking cars, got arrested, stealing from the house, .........now they are fine, but it took a toll on their households, and the family......but they could not have them committed, and if they could, it was only 72 hours, and then they are sent home,,,,
2 brothers are done college, back home, living under my sons roof......it is not easy, yet they can't afford their own place, plus while in college they bought rescue dogs......so they left as 2, but came home 4 to a house that had rules.......no dogs.........needless to say the dogs are loved by all, but my 2 grandsons have been tossed out twice, because my son got mad at the dogs.........who do you think got the phone call..........yep.....Nannie.......took them in till things cooled down.........and then they went back home.........when they left they said......."nan, thanks for taking me in" ..........I said.......bye.....until the next time" ............and there will be a next time..lol.......never want them walking the streets, or not have a comfy place to lay their heads at the end of the day.........0 -
Blondie you are captive to the two boys. I'm a twin. Twin dynamics are unique. Siblings very close in age can mimic twin dynamics. Follow what Cami said in the sense that pysch eval and treatment is a must------you likely have done this. Multiple places you elude to one being a problem. Which by deferrment means the other is less of a problem, but is following the first. You mentioned about wanting to move to a smaller place which would mean they might/would be excluded. A story
A Volunteer at the National Widlife Refuge at Cape Canaveral, Kennedy Space center is within this area, this volunteer since 1972 related this story in 2008 to DH and I. It happened within 2 years of the telling. Eagles have been known to use the same nest for years and years. There was one documented nest in the refuge that was 50 years old. An Eagle pair were fledging an eaglet. For three days they chased it from the nest, but it kept coming back. On the fourth day the parent eagles tore down the nest.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjPmmCtHmfE
My friend sent me this.... just gives you chills!
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Wow I have been trying to catch up since Friday after work in between helping Austin and cleaning.
Today at church I prayed hard for you Shellshine and Blondie. You both are so strong! Shellshine I think you are taking all the right steps to keep yourself safe and DS. Can you get all of the alcohol out of the house and have an intervention with family and therapist to confront H. This way you will be safe so he does not raise a hand to you. Geeze I can't imagine how much brain damage he has and dementia is not a good combo for someone sober let alone drunk. You are teaching your DS such valuable life lessons in your actions. He loves you so much and it shows!! I am praying and sending hugs.
Blondie geeze I do not know even where to begin. Are they taking meds to help with the mental illness? I can't imagine dealing with this on top of everything else. I pray that they will see the light and work on their actions. You are so loving and caring! They should be helping you and be nothing but gracious for all that you do. Are there any local programs that could help? It's a shame here in co they have closed so many mental health facilities there is no where to go for help.
I loved the pictures of the turtles. ChickaD your chemo friend looks soft and comfy. My hair follicles hurt too before my hair started to fall out. But just hang in there I am hoping it just thins. Chemo helps to target cells systemically and radiation helps treat the area locally. Kill the stinkin cancer!!! F-Cancer
Princess purple kantalope hope your back is better.
GMA I hope your day goes as well and your pain stays at bay so you can enjoy yourself. Any news from the Dr with a game plan.
Sending hugs to everyone... I do believe God does not give us more than we can't handle. Even though at times everything seems overwhelming I somehow land on my feet, thank God! I will be praying for everyone's comfort and clarity with hard decisions.
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Chevy thanks made me cry, the best of our best, our defenders, our hope against evil. Let us always support our defenders.
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Shells, going to be practical: Wipe out the bank accounts to the degree that the next two to three months bills can be met and open new ones with son either as a signator or transfer on death. Cancel all credit cards that have both your names. H's disability check will continue to be deposited to the original account. As soon as his check is deposited transfer enough funds to make sure that all economic needs are meet. Hopefully , you have been the keeper of the purse. He will not realize that you are protecting assets. Do not let any of your money be comingled with his. Contact a lawyer to determine your rights. Get a restraining order.
A threat that you can use with H. A case we had about 10 years+. The person was on disability, he was found to be addicted --forget what substance. He was disallowed from ANY medicare subsidy because of his addiction. He was determined not to be functional on his own. Took months to find a facility that would take him. He was what is termed a "border" patient. Way extreme to where you are, but store away as FYI.
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Chevy......that was both heart-warming, and brilliant......thanks
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Oh Shells, I just read back trying to catch up.. I will pray for you and your family.. I understand.. My brother is an alcoholic and has done bad things to me.. but he finally took the suggestions 18 years ago and made a change. We have a wonderful relationship now and loved him then and love him now. Sometimes the only way is tough love.. but it might just turn him around.. I am glad you had your DS there to help with the situation. ((((HUGS))))))
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Thanks veryone - appreciate your support. Very depressing day today. I feel like I have ADD, trying to get caught up on all the reading I need to get done for peds clinical, and getting ready to submit my practice logs due today - hard to stay focused, but it's 2 pm here so hopefully I will make progress. DS went to bring some things to his dad and hang out with him. What a great son. I'm actually very happy to have the house to myself today - need it.
My brother is coming over in a little while with a gun safe and to teach me how to remove the bullets. Just to be on the safe side with all of the drama.
Sas- my husband is very fair minded when he is sober, I don't need to worry about him "emptying the bank accounts" right now. It would do more harm than good. I need to focus on having him make the choice - treatment or moving out. Coincidentally this was my last week of severence pay. Jeeez - a little stress, ya think? Laid off 11 months ago: went back to school to pursue a dream of working in hospice. Got breast cancer: removed all breast tissue and finished breast reconstruction. Income ending: put a good financial plan in place. Husband whacks me while completely drunk: working on that one. Stay tuned, but honestly, I'm getting F$%!ing tired!
---- The Drama Queen
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Makes you wonder how much stress did play in a majority of our BC. on my way back to bed, Philly and I got run over by the same truck this week...
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Shellshiner, my heart bleeds for you, you are the blinding light of the good person, he is the antithesis. Sorry, don't believe based on story that you shouldn't empty accounts. Just have been around to many that could have and should have.......and then ended with nothing. We each are bringing to your heartbreak our known heartbreaks.
OH Shell, what we knew as love, that died, and we kept believing, diferent ways, our guys let us down. It's taken me two years to admit it. Still I love him, it hurts every day. But it hurt the day that he went crazy looking for pain meds, Not that long before he died. DS was home. Had DS not been home I don't know how I would have contained him. I counted the dispensed meds and he was wayover the top. I had already ratted him out, once i put together that he was getting pain meds from two sources. He never forgave me. He was in Hospice only less then 36 hours and begged me to help. They did every thing they could. .Then a strange peace after a restoril. shouldn't of happened because it's not that strong of a drug. But DH went into avery peacefuful sleep, for about 6 hours then died very peacefully. OMG those last hours., why were they the last hours. and I never got to say i love you
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Oh sas I'm sorry that all that happened.
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What sad stories we all have...my heart has been broken this weekend just knowing how many of us have suffered some sort of a loss....it is almost like a cleansing of our souls.....letting it all come to the surface, talk about it, cry about it......sharing things that some of us have told no others.......only we understand like no others can....I am grateful for the true love and friendship I have found here......I love you all........
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Sas......he knew you loved him......
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Ducky
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Shellshine - U R NOT the Drama Queen. You have some real life issues to deal with and although I have no stories that are similar, I am a 2 time loser in marriage myself. The first dumb a$$ ran off with my girlfriend and the 2nd. told me that he could not possibly take care of me when I got sick. Nice guys, huh? U be gentle with yourself and get the peds. thing done. THAT is very important right now. Remember to eat and drink throughout the day and breathe deeply when U need it. And ask ANY of us if you need ANYTHING. We are always here for you and love U lots. Peace, prayers and hugs. This week will be tons better for U!
Flowers
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So many sad stories....miss Sassywonderful.... they always know we love them....never torture yourself with that thought my friend.♥
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May this week be a better week then the past one.....going to bed, and say many prayers for my dear friends who have prayed for me and my family over the last 21/2 years of our friendship........it feels like I have known you all of my life.....thanks for the love.....goodnight dear friends........rest well....
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Peace Miss Duckie ♥
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