STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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Those are really pretty.So was the view from your o.h. I would sit in there too.
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o.h.??? The view is from my office window.. Love this place... Going to have to leave it someday, just not now, I hope..
here is a zoomed in view taken just outside my window this morning.
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Oh my bad, I thought you said o.h
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Oh Miss GmaFabulous.......they are so pretty.....and extra padding sounds wonderful! Love the all purple one on right....♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡
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Here is my new little boy, Cooper, (lol mini Cooper) at 8 days old....my Onc did a letter certifying him as my new Emotional Support Animal......so he can go anywhere..
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What a sweetie....
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Gma those are so cute and the double padding is a good idea too.
MaryWTFdidhesay----Is that for real--the guy is not an a**hole--he's not good enough to wipe one.
Oh Blondie this has to be double hard for u, I can't imagine how u r feeling, except so sad and troubled--please take care of u'rself and the not ever talking to u--won't happen I'm sure and maybe u do need to live separately--It might be a good thing. Are they on some kind of disability cuz they might be eligable for help in getting a place to live and be on their own--Maybe that is what they do need. ??????
ChickaD I'm sorry this time wasn't better---just take whatever u can to help and rest, if u can do any walking??? see that u do.
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Gma, those are lovely!
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Oh Phylosicko u must feel bad--that's all u had to say--or is u'r foot swollen and the bracelet hurts? Keep u'r feet up and body down and drink alot--I mean alot wash that chit out--u too whoever is getting chemo. 1/2 of u. and take a walk around u'r home every so often--ugh it's supposed to help--u know endorphin stuff--yea right but that's what THEY (whoever they are say) Of course it could be a myth I don't know if u can see endorphins so how do they know. HMMMMM
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Hi, sorry Blondie for the trouble stay safe, Shells stay safe; Chickie, Philowiththebracelets, marywary all feel better; Cami i have blue, pink, and orange hair chalk and I love them; Kathindic wrote a very nice synopsis on the supreme court thingy, asked her to repost here. it was from Breast cancer Action a group out of calif. I may be able to google article.
Ducky, My outlook on Jolie is different , but I also had staggering cancer stats on paternal side. I wrote the following, during the jolie discussion, on another thread.
May 16, 2013 11:36 AM, edited May 16, 2013 12:13 PM by sas-schatzi
In (edit June) 2008, I started through the Elective PMX process because of family history. First visit to the Mo, I gave him a cancer tree. The numbers of cancers on paternal side are staggering. 12 of 21 women: 3 aunts/7first cousins/1 twin/me; 9 BC, 1 uterine, 1 rare ca of lung found on thumb but not in lung, 1 liver; 5 of 12 have died; BC 3 premenopausal and 6post menopausal. Only three tested for Braca-neg. Most were pre-braca test available. If you caught that i was part of the stats, good catch.
After the diagnostic Mammo, I received a NED report, and still have the letter. Next step was a diagnostic MRI. There was a delay from Aug till Dec between the two. There was no imperative b/c of clean mammo. BINGO MRI picked up an IDC. BX Jan 23rd 2009 Grade 2(6), BMX Feb18th Grade 3(8). No sampling error at relook of BX slides. Not even a month and i went from a 6-8. Very aggressive. So, I became a statistic in the family cancer tree. Presumptive, but I maintain I wouldn't be here if I hadn't been on the PMX track.
As I wrote in my post from this morning I support Jolie. I'll add, I think she has done more this week for BC than will ever be able to measured. Only so much can be written in one article. To pick her words apart is disingenous. It's her story as others have pointed out. Not my story. Not your story.
Her story will be told and retold everytime the media writes something about her from here on out. Each time it will change lives. (end)
I thought about a prohy from 1996 when twin had BC. Thought about and discussed it with PCP for three years before I finally started process. In 2008, I felt I needed to do it. You can see from the repost, what the numbers and outcome were. I can tell you it was very hard to think about doing something so drastic.
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OODLES OF HUGS to EVERYONE. You are just the greastest bunch of ladies and Charles.
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This article is from the Motley Fool which is an investment newsletter. What's nice about Motley is they give pro and con from an investment view. They do a nice job of explaining the economics for the whole industry. I used to read them allot, so, was pleased to find their review of implications of the ruling.
http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2013/06/14/supreme-court-lets-the-gene-out-of-the-bottle.aspx
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This link is to Breast Cancer Action, it written okay, but Motley gives a better explanation of the ramifications on the whole industry. And the scope of the ruling. I think this is the same news release that Kathindc posted on another thread.
http://bcaction.org/2013/06/13/victory-supreme-court-outlaws-human-gene-patents/
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The following link is a snapshot from the 1980's. The reason we are in the mess we are today with gene's being patented is because our legislators and president passed laws that allowed it. So, Myriad may be seen as the evil perpatrator, the blame really lays on the shoulders of our government. Not that I support gene patenting at all. I think our government sold us down the river over the last several decades. I think that the media has not cast enough light on this aspect. The biotech companies are taking the heat in the news now versus our legislative branch. The Supreme Court did some correction on decades old BAD legislation. Only the future will tell if the breadth of that correction has solved the problem.
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22 hours ago I signed off "Sleep well Hoollygirls." Went to bed at 10pm for a nice early start at peds clinical today, but DH's grand mal seizure at 1:30 am changed plans. He had a fever of 103.4. Called EMS cause we couldn't move him into the car - he came around as they were getting ready to move him out of the bed. They wouldn't take him to Kaiser so we saved $50 ambulance fee and lots of stress by transporting him ourselves to Kaiser ED. Going to the other hospital would have been a hardship for all of us. He was able to walk but mentally out of it. Got to ER at 2 am and he was admitted with pneumonia to a private room (perk from my past work here) at 9 am. Tried to get DS to go home and sleep during the night but he refused, stayed with me from 2 am till 10 am. Went home to nap this morning and back here to sit with him a couple of hours ago. His hospitalist thinks that the seizure is related to high fever and going off alcohol a week ago - lowered his seizure threshold - (has a history of seizures). So....... two steps forward one step back. The good news is that he is very committed to sobriety. I've never seen him this adamant, we shall see. Since he's a 100% combat disabled vet, I've decided to start getting some VA home help on the government's dime. I'm kinda tired!!
Blondie - do we call you Purplie now? Love your picture - you did it!!
Tomorrow is Jazzercise, brunch for Father's Day with my parents, then pick DH up from hospital and bring him home. Did I say I was tired? The main thing for me is living a "non-dysfunctional life." Boundaries, not being an inabler, getting the help we are eligible for and need. Tired of being tired!
DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME!! I am fine, feel strong, love you girlies (and guy), really really do love all of you.
Really, really enjoyed reading all your posts. Very interesting discussions.
Michelle
P.S. Do I qualify for the title "Drama Queen, yet? If so, you can call me Queenie cause Princess is taken.... or Queenieshell. I'm getting silly cause I'm tired - did I tell you I'm tired, yet?
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Ok, Queenieshell, we won't worry about you....we'll just be concerned. Please try to get some rest this weekend.
Charles, good to hear from you..how's the weather in your part of the country? No fires, I hope.
I had a busy week and I'm happy it is over. Tomorrow will be attending the ballet with youngest daughter.
Take care hooligans. Keeping you all near to my heart.0 -
One of my best friends forwarded this essay to me. I thought of all of my hoolifriends here who have gone through so much pain, fear and loss with breast cancer. Some of you may like it, some may not. It really spoke to me and the journey I am on.
Thank You, Cancer. By Katie Jay, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery www.nawls.com
Alanis Morissette wrote a song called Thank You a number of years ago, and when I first heard it, I played it over and over again. I knew it had something to teach me. The lyrics include:
Thank you India
Thank you Providence
Thank you Disillusionment
Thank you Nothingness
Thank you Clarity
Thank you Silence
Despite my attraction to the song, I didn't have complete certainty about its meaning. Maybe I wasn't ready to understand it. I had not wandered yet so deeply into my own transformation, my own enlightenment.
I was a "wanna be." Perhaps a kinder assessment would be that I was a "seeker." I wanted more from my life, but that gift seemed illusive.
I yearned for a deeper understanding of the world and my place in it. I longed to know what my purpose was and how I could serve the Divinein my small, human life. I dreamed of finding true contentment, ofbecoming emotionally pain free, and of being unburdened.
Of course, we all know what people like me do when faced with pain and burden. I stuffed those emotions down with as much refined, processed, sweet, carb-y sedation as I could hold. I was confused and afraid.
In looking back, I am saddened to realize I was destroying my body so that I could shut down my fear, shame, and despair. (Another Alanis song is titled, Isn't it Ironic...)
In her Thank You song, Alanis spoke to my longing for relief. Her words were calling me toward something beyond the miserable life in which I was mired.
I answered that call and set foot on a healing path - a LONG, healing path, I might add. My path to enlightenment; or my path to acceptance, peace, love, and a deep gratitude for life; has given me more than I ever could have predicted.
Even as I embarked on my journey, my fears and pain were like blinders. My possibilities, my hopes, my potential had become limited by what I saw as my "lot in life."
My "lot" included obesity, food obsession, grave loss (of loved ones,of opportunities, of self-worth), emotional and physical pain (oftenself-inflicted), trauma and shame, disappointment, dissatisfaction,disillusionment, and longing.
But my path to personal transformation has given meaning to my suffering, and, in time, a deep gratitude for everything. Yes, everything.
Like Alanis, I want to share with the world my belief (and my experience) that enlightenment, or transformation, is possible for anyone. It is possible for every trapped and miserable soul, just like it is for me.
My lyrics would be:
Thank you betrayal
Thank you cruelty
Thank you pain
Thank you loneliness and shame
Thank you alcoholism
Thank you depression
Thank you miscarriages
Thank you special-needs child
Thank you eating disorder
Thank you obesity
Thank you autoimmune disease
Thank you bowel obstruction
Thank you saggy skin
Thank you weight regain
Thank you every failure along the way
Thank you raging codependency
Thank you imperfection
Thank you breast cancer.
There, I said it. With tears in my eyes, I already know, down to my bones, that breast cancer has given me much more than it has taken away - my illusion of immortality, my breasts, and for the time being, my hair.
It's given me an opportunity to put into practice everything I've learned along the way. It's given me the courage to actually live and do the things I was convinced worked - but hadn't fully assimilated.
It's given me things like: communicating with the people in my life in an honest, loving, and connecting way; practicing extreme self-care without apology; allowing all my thoughts and feelings, riding them like a wave, instead of trying to annihilate them.
It's given me the courage and clarity to admit to the world what I need, and to accept love - even from myself.
It's helped me make decisions based on what I value - not on pleasing others.
Thank you, cancer, for being a gift that offered me the vision and the choice:
To live as fully as possible;
To finally stop using self-destruction as a way to rid myself of pain;
To be present for, and to find the beauty in, each moment;
To be with myself as I suffer, but not to define myself by my suffering; and most of all: To see my life in vivid color and to LOVE what is.
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Oh Miss QueenoftheNightShells.....more drama and prayers for you xoxo
Pain keeping me awake and so so tired.....
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OMG QueenShell---what a couple of days u have had. I hope that u have gotten somerest and u;r r really feeling OK--as bad as this sounds it almost sounds like a good thing. Medically no---but mentally yes--It seems u'r DH is trying to honor his promise to u and it's taking a toll but I'm sure in the long run it wil be worth it for all of u. He needs a lot of understanding and care--which is not a problem for u but of course hoping he's seeking outside help so the burden will not only be u'rs. This is a difficult path for him to take and keeping on it is a wonderful truimph---and a complet turn around for u. It seems sometimes we need to have bad times to be able to recognize the truly good in life in general and personally--then pray for balance to be abe to enjoy our lives. U sound like u have founnd that, but I think u started it ur'self a while back--but if u'r family is with u then it doubles in serenity and fullness of our lives. So now rest and get reenergized and look forward to what wil be.
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Going to the shore....no idea why....really don't want to.....would rather just stay home and do nothing......never thought I would see the day when I said that.......
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Ducky I don't know why I laughed when I read that--sounds like what we said years ago.. I'm sorry I would not enjoy that aanymore, but maybe once u get there it will be more than what u expected. Have a fun day--u deserve to. And I bet when u come home u'll be happy u went.
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Morning Hooligans! Blondarooni and Shells.... It sounds like you guys are living similar lives! Blondie is feeling stuck and miserable and guilty for wanting to just move away and get better! And you are torn between those kids and a new life! Almost like they are punishing you just for being sick, and compassionate towards them. They want to rule you and everything in their way....And right now they are in control.
Can you find another family member, or friend that will take on the responsibility of moving you to a "safe" place? I don't blame your Daughters for not wanting all that turmoil in their home...(is that what you had said?) But maybe you alone? Or can YOU go to a friends house, or a shelter until you can get it together? Without them?
I think they will always find a way.... kids just do...but they can't drag you down with them.
Shells, I'm sorry for what happened, but it's all so familiar. My Dad got back with my Mom when HE started throwing up blood, and it was coming out of every place on him! Of course "someone" blamed it on no alcohol for that short period of time. Meaning if I could have kept drinking, this wouldn't have happened..... So he was hospitalized for a time.... quit smoking...(oh, maybe it was the SMOKING that caused my whole body to just implode!) (Couldn't have been the lifetime of drinking everything I could get my hands on)
That idea carried on a few months.... never started smoking again, but gradually added either vodka or whiskey.... even bourbon to his daily ritual. But hid it better... Would tell Mom "that's WATER in that glass...NOT Vodka."
She lived all her life like that...him drinking.... Those drunken rages! WE couldn't do anything to help her...she wouldn't leave him. So Mom died first.... Dad was still drinking.... and falling down, and his body was shutting down also.... But at least I was on the outside looking in.
I felt so sorry for him, when he finally was so sick he could barely drink... and cried out for help! His one old neighbor guy helped take care of him. I was 1500 miles away, and didn't really WANT to be around him... until I heard and saw what was happening to him.... Then I became the Daughter he could care for... He was too full of himself for 50 years to care... But I found out I cared for him, because he needed me.
So he finally became my Dad... someone I really did love! He put us all through hell... broke my Mom's heart over and over again... but he reached out to me, and I think God had a lot to do with this. I would go see him every few months, talk to him, and laugh about everything we talked about, and I knew he loved me.
I lost him too... but I finally got to know my Dad ...... This man who I could hardly wait to get away from when I was little.... Don't know why I'm even writing this... but what you guys wrote, just made me think about this.
Shells.... stay strong! Don't want you to go through any more misery.... you can't hide it like my Mom tried to do.
And Blondie.... YOU have to get strong! This family drama will pull the rug out from under you, unless you get away, alone..... Prayers for you both! xoxoxoxo
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I'm sorry Ducky.... Maybe going to the shore will get you back to your normal happy place? You lost your MO-JO! Too much going on for you.
My DH had an awful night.... His teeth again, started hurting.... The penicillin is probably working for the infection, but the "nerves" in those broken teeth are really making his mouth hurt. I don't know if he can wait until Wednesday to have them pulled now... I'll call Monday to see if we can do it sooner... I just hope the Aleve works for him.
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Chevy what a kind dgtr u turned out to be--I would think that very difficult to do. And now his teeth are hurting oh just call Monday and see what they say--that is so painful. Hope he can get help soon.
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I have a lot of catching up to do but off to work. Hugs everyone!
If anyone wants a scarf, let me know your favorite colors while I'm in the mood and have the pattern out. My gift you don't have to pay me, it's my thanks for you being here!
Oh BTW - you can fold the headband over if you want a thinner one.0 -
HUGS and prayers to everyone today from my sick bed. Came down yesterday with fever, body aches, chills, cough and sore throat. The fun just never ends here. No one else sick in the house here expect my BIL. He is SICK IN THE HEAD! Hope that it is not catchy! I bought him a Father's Day present - a great wine holder with glasses, corkscrew and aerator. I can just see him returning it to me tomorrow to maintain his Captain, smart ass attitude! Hope he does not because I will just have to smash him right in the face with it! Hate drama tho.
That's all for now. Time to pop a few more Tylenol and maybe some Airborne and roll over 4 a nappy. Yucky, yuck, yuck!
Flowers
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Yep Cam that really was for real about ex-sil. he always has been an a-- -hole. Never saw what she did in him anyway, except he was a bad boy and she thought she could change him. Didnt happen. The only thig good that came out of that relationship was my gs. Such a sweetie, I hate to think hes got to grow up with him as a dad...Chevy, I thought about you this morning, I was listening to Janis Joplin. Well off to Lowes and Target to spend money I dont have to spend...Today I just dont give a chit..Im going to get something for myself before I have to give it to the government for my healthcare
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Well I am here......wishing I had stayed home......my GD, DD, and SIL left for the beach......they sit there for 4 hours, and I just can' do that anymore.....being on a Statin, and being on Hydrochlorizide I cannot be in direct unlighted.....a SE is Photosensitivity, so it means sitting in a beach chair under an umbrella for the 4 hours............
My daughter said....well what are you going to do, sit here in the house, and watch TV, or stare at your IPad the whole time....then said.......we are going to the beach tomorrow too, every time we come here we will be going to the beach, and I can't tell you we won't be staying long......then said "put your bathing suit on, we will wait".....,,,."you would rather sit here then go with us"
Felt like saying......STFU....."you don't think I would love to go with you, to the beach, shopping, walking along the sea wall, do all the things I use to do............in my F/N head I am 25 again, but my body says......"no your not".........finally said...."go, just go",, and they left.....but I knew it would be like this......that is whyI would rather be home .....this daughter is tough.......think 1/2 the time she thinks I'm just a whiner,........maybe I am....
So here I sit, alone again, naturally.........just drove 2 hours to do it.....one day they to will be older........like we really enjoy this bullshit life we have.......0 -
Thinking about my petty bullshit, I forgot to say prayers and hugs........No one ever told us life was easy........just never imagined it would be this tough......but many are worse off then me, so I will suck it up, and move on...........love you all.
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Blondie, Nineteen sounded so young until I realized that I was a mother at 19 and DH was 20.
Ducky, I didn't know those drugs caused photosensitivity. I'm on both also. Still, I've never tanned (too fair) so I'm always covered up. Yes, that was me sitting on the beach in Texas with long pants and long sleeved shirt. Managed to burn the tops of my feet and ears.
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Hi Miss Duckster.....I want some peace for you.....maybe you can enjoy the solitude inside today...sometimes I really like when no one is around...like today...in so much pain and all I kinda do is sigh a lot...seems to help me and no one has to listen to me whine....make ipad and tv an enjoyable thing and just embrace yourself today. .ITS ALL ABOUT YOU ♥♡♥♡♥
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Thanks a chick, that is exactly what I am doing.....watching the Us Open, rooting for Tiger Wood , I know, but I am rooting for Tiger the golfer....not Tiger the cheater, and took a nap from 1-3.........in between shots....
Funny you would mention sighing....I do that all the time...my daughter calls it huffing...turning a positive into a negative......however, I read where it is very healthy to huff, or sigh.....take your pick.....lol
One of my sons owns a home in North Wildwood about 11 miles from me....we are going to see him tonight....I am in Cape May Beach.
Hope your feeling better today....hugs0
