STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
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444, I love the banter, advice, support & true friendship this thread has.. I read a lot of the posts, mainly cause I love the topic STFU...I am 2 months behind you in treatment......I chose to cut ties with my mom at 19, moved 1000 miles away & basically started a new life.....I agree with Shellshine, you deserve a quiet, happy, stress free day...tell her you will make plans later, maybe Easter.....your kids have seen you in enough pain this year....moving on, my house is dusty, so I will clean tomorrow, put up Xmas stuff, no tree yet...last Taxol on Black Friday....omg...LAST chemo, I am smiling...
Di, I have been reading all your posts, good for you, wish I had the courage, at least to do my gobble neck...0 -
Hi Holeinone!
I have seen you on some other threads! Welcome here. You are correct! This is a super great group of ladies! After all, they took my crazy self in!
Congrats on the LAST chemo!! I actually found chemo easy. Don't say that often because so many have such a tough time with it. I have been truly blessed getting through all of this easily. I hope it has not been too hard on you.
You will be completely through before you know it!0 -
Shellshine --thanks for being in my Pocket.. Know I can count on the rest of you hoolies too! Well I will try to drop in one more time tomorrow night before my reconstruction surgery. I am going to work tomorrow and then will report to the hospital at 5:30 AM on Tuesday. Shellshine -you and others say this will be easier. I hurt so bad after the MX,, I am not looking forward to this. Just continue to pray for me.
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(((((dwill))))))))) strong healing energy and pain free serenity being sent in huge waves till this coming week-end and more if needed.
Lilli0 -
Got it Lilli! God don't know what I would do without you ladies! (((((Hugs back to all)))))
Going to bed now--will let you ladies know how I am healing after Tuesday.
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Dwillette - what time is your surgery scheduled ?..... so I can send you healing energy0 -
Good aim on those eyedrops Chicklette, but so sorry you tossed it up afterwards. It will get better. Please keep us posted about his vision. Oh you hoolies -I feel sorry for myself sometimes, then I connect with you all and realize how we all of our burdens to carry......and I miss Veggy.
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Morning gals! Jackie, what you wrote, was so beautiful and true. We could just see into your soul.
And you are right... you always are! Your Sister was REALLY "one" wasn't she? She didn't deserve you.....
And yes! Karma? Sooner or later, it takes care of things.
And Ducky, you said it best..... "Stay home".... 4444444, you aren't doing your family any favors by taking them around her.... Not to mention what you are doing to yourself.
You wouldn't go around "friends" that would act this way towards you and your family.... Your Mother never even called your Son for his Birthday!
I would like to come out there, and just smack her silly! She has no right to expect you to be even CLOSE to her.... especially with your family. And I would tell her so...
If you can't SAY it, write it down and mail it.... I would be done with that abuse in a heart-beat.
She knows what she is doing.... and she feels entitled. She rules her world, and you along with it.
And don't feel bad because your kids can't have her close.... Believe me, they KNOW what is going on. And they probably feel bad for you. You are trying to "give" them what they can't have.... your Mother's love. YOU can't even feel it, and you don't have to fight for it. So just protect that family of yours... don't go around.... we said so.
You know my MIL was a bitch. She never even took my little girls for the day ONCE! Never to a park, or for a hamburger! She was just a selfish woman! I know I was supposed to love her, because she was my Husband's Mother.... BUT..... She couldn't care less about me or my family.... Just her Son.
And my Daughters' thought the world of her! They would come over, and she would play Grandma, but that was it. Some to think of it, she didn't EVER take her 2 Grand-sons anywhere either!
Why do we try so hard to please people that don't give a hoot about us? We have to learn NOT to be their stomping grounds.
So Holeinone! Must be a golfer, right? I'm just quick that way..You were very smart to cut those ties at 19.... Saved yourself a lot of heart-ache and stress.
I'm glad your chemo is almost over.... ! I have courage enough for my neck, but I am old enough, that it just goes along with the territory..... Ha! I would rather spend my money on compression stockings, hearing aid batteries, hair color, and well, you get the picture...
Dwilli! You rest now.... we are all with you! Just let us know how you are coming along... take drugs.... I'm praying for you.
Morning Shells! And Sass must be sleeping.... along with Cammi! Chicken-sittin starting tomorrow! If they're not all frozen stiff.0 -
Shell Veggy is sure missed.
444444 I totally agree with everyone too. I always thinks that u can love someone but not like them very much--there would draw my line---My memories are happy, fuzzy and lots of laughs, so I can't speak to nhappy families cuz as u know we are very close, always were and still am.--so I can't address that---But 444 guilt is a wasted amount of energy for u to put out--u've been thru enough so have a happy holiday with u'r family and stay home. I'm sorry u'r mom has so many problems, but why expose u'r children to all that. U are a mom with u'r own responsibilities and now need to take that long overdo stand for u'r family--no guilt 4, just caring for Number 1--u'r family and u being well. I feel bad that there is a choice to make but u have to at this point and bring happiness to u'rs--U'r mom is you're mom and has a place is your heart, but u left her to be a mom--Of course u treat u'r mom with respect but just back off. I guess it's time.
Chic o Chic u'll get used to this whole procedure---u'r a tough lady whether u know it or not. And most definetly get that paperwork for u'r DH WC, find out what is needed and go with it and right away. Ducky gave u great advice and know all of that too, if u need any help u know u have it here.
Juliaanne I'm so glad u'r DH will be home and he'll feel better just being home and u will too.-u had to be so scared thru all of this.
Well u all know I went to lunch with my sister, cousin and GF--let's just say we changed tables 4 times laughing thru it all so that was the theme of the day. It was great. and when I got home I had voice mails for work so I had some work to do and took my pain meds--really needed them and just relaxed.
Chevy u take care of dem critters ya hear now. Their lucky to have u and u'r DH.
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$$44444444, please, reread everyone's posts until the words break through, and the same with your own words. Everything is there. You're miserable. You stress out and hate the season b/c of your mom. You clearly adore your kids and raised them to care. They are successful children and near young adults. Do it for the kids, if you can't do it for yourself.
Think of it this way. Do you want your kids to approach the holidays every year with an undefined sense of foreboding? On a conscious level they might think GM was mean and hurtful, but they may not recognize it on an emotional and subconscious level.
I 've talked of the polio experience and said the date was Sept 19th 1952. 2yrs/2mos. BUT I didn't know that date until after I was 30 years old. Blew me away. It explained so much. Every September part way through, I would get into this weird state. The technical term was Fugue state. I felt I needed to flee, I was wildly unsettled emotionally. It was horrible. Lasted for weeks, then it would be over.
Now would be dx'd as PTSD. That diagnosis didn't exist then. People in the absence of knowledge will make their own conclusion/rationalization. I was first aware of it around your DD's age. Every year seemed to get worse. I thought it was b/c school started. Even kids rationalize. The only thing that didn't click is I loved school.
At 19 I tried suicide. I was lucky it didn't take. I still didn't understand the why of the Fall thing, but worked through it every year after. I controlled it, it didn't control me. When I finally asked when polio occurred it was explained. The details of the trauma were not something that was talked of until we had this chat. Mom had no idea the impact of being ripped away from her for several months, no contact with her until out of isolation for unknown amount of time. Her stories of looking through the glass, at us being tied down even though we could hardly move. AND Freud would love this, had to poop/pee in a diaper when we were already potty trained b/c the nurses refused to potty us.
The point being is it was seared in memory. It had a very long term affect.
You are such a good Mom. You are doing everything to raise happy kids. Do you want them to have a foreboding of the most beautiful part of the year because of your hateful Mother?
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Dwilli,in your pocket :)L&H&P's sassy
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Dwilli, see you on the squishy side! In your pocket for sure.0 -
Miss Dwillienilli.......in your pocket!
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Shells, we were in Lahaina. It was NOT a greatvacation and I think hubby is turned off Maui for life. If we weweren't so busy right now I'd write more. But we are still moving PLUS hubby's family de chit ided we should have Thanksgiving at our house. I'm 'xausted. Ill write latrr....
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GG, ughhh. If I lived closer I would cater for you!
Julia and Chickee, hope the men are better today than yesterday!
Dwilli, in your pocket too! Is it an exchange? I can't wait for mine next month. I want to be able to roll on my side and not bounce back!
Lilli, your writing is always so heartfelt and eloquent. Thank you!
I hear all of you, I really do! This hasn't bothered me this bad for a long time. I think it is just worse this year because I thought in light of this years events she might just start to come around and realize what she was missing out on. Or my dad might find his balls. But if their kid having had cancer isn't gonna do it I don't suppose anything will!
Ughhh, can't believe it's Monday already. Hitting the grocery today. Don't want to fight the crowds later in the week! Suppose I should clean the kitchen too!
Have a great day Hoolies! I love you gals!0 -
SAS, Being separated from your mother at that age is really serious. I'm haunted by a film which showed children evacuated to the interior of England from London. The look on the child's face calling for his mother just spoke volumes. They learned from that and decided to leave the little ones in London with their Mothers and just risk bombing.0 -
4......the cancer doesn't matter.....once they think your out of the initial shock, biopsy, surgery, treatment, it is business as usual...........the concern, love, care, and attention fades once bullshit is over....well for them it's over, for you it's "big girl panty time"........and you better add suspenders because no one is there to help you hold them up...........it's "get over it time".........except for you.........
So care and concern would gave been short lived anyway.......hugs from someone who truly cares......0 -
Ha! You are assuming I got any of that during treatment!! I got criticism and told if I needed any help I ad to ask for it? I think they wanted me to hold their hands. It has been about what happened to THEIR daughter and how it affected THEM. They said so in so many words and in emails to others.
As for big girl panties! I have pretty much had them on from the beginning. The day in May that they cut the shit out, that was the last day in my life I ever plan to have had cancer! I have kept my docs on a very short leash and very tight time frame to get this done in 2013! ONLY year this shit is allowed to invade my life!
I don't think about having HAD cancer nor do I really think about it much any given day. Delusional ? maybe! And I have told my children from the beginning that the ONLY thing they had to believe was that I was strong enough to kick this shit to the curb. I was/am NOT SICK. I refuse to see it that way. I was invaded or infected, not sick.
Sorry, got carried away! You hit a nerve
They are the ones that need to get over it!
Thanks Ducky, I DO know you care. That goes for the rest of you nice ladies too.
Sas, I can't imagine what you went through especially with the polio. I was so lucky to have that vaccine available when I was a kid and very blessed that my kids generation has not had to deal with thinks like that. They have made enough problems for themselves
Ok, let's move on to something fun.....
What is you favorite side dish and dessert for Thanksgiving Dinner?
Mine is Pumpkin/Pecan pie. You get a little of each with every slice, pumpkin on the bottom and the pecan pie on the too!
My favorite side dish is probably Cranberry Pear Crisp, grandma's recipe. Really like sweet pots and rutabaga too!0 -
4444 I completely understand what you are going through. For me it's uppsidownsie of you though as the troublesome person in (or actually out of) my life is my daughter. It really sucks, but sometimes no contact is the best way to go.0 -
Wren, yes, I knew when my mom told me the stories after dear son was born. She stayed with me for months b/c she had her cataracts done. We had time for chatting like we never had in our life. As soon as she told me it was--- OMG, I knew all those troubled Falls were directly related. Polio so consumed our lives after that, but there was never a mention of period, dates, and hospital occurrences. It was jaw dropping for me at the time. I was a few hours shy of a major in psychology, knew immediately the damage. Then when she talked about the diapering and pottying, lordy once a wee one is trained, it's an issue.
When I snuck into that old building as a student nurse and walked those halls, it's was very unsettling. No idea if my subconscious was reacting to anything. I remember standing and looking through the glass windows and feeling nauseous. Up to that point the three of us SN's were having a wickedly good time.
Hadn't heard that about the babies in England. It's nice to know that they recognized it and dealt correctly with it. Interesting that they did.
sassy0 -
In the space of all time and the problems that everyone are having right now, my little piece of celebration right now is a little thing. I HAVE A TOILET IN THE BATHROOM THAT FLUSHES, AND A SHOWER THAT HAS WATER. Zack the plumber will have his name added to the Thanksgiving day prayer.
The project manager from Home Depot who checked out the caulking problem, found another problem which may lead to a redo on one wall because of a bad cut. But today and this week I'll do a Scarlett O'Hara-----I'll worry about that tomorrow.
Thank You, Home Depot for living up to your warranty. I'll tell allot of folks
Then I, also, will tell allot of folks that the motto of "Thank you for Trusting the Hartford" insurance company MEANS nothing. Find a different company. They will finagle however they can to not pay a claim.
Jan
sassy
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Yikes! I have my liability insurance for my catering shop with Hartford. Never had to use it, thank goodness!
Yeah for working toilets and hot showers!! Mine all work, just need eternal cleaning!
Gumby, sorry to hear about things with your daughter. It does suck! My moused to complain about the "games" my grandma played. Well she may not have liked them, but she became a master at them!
We have gone 25 years or more now with little or no contact. I go with it when things are up and run from it when things are bad.
Much to be thankful for again this year though! Nobody is taking that from my family!0 -
Sass.... as I told you, the Hartford Home Owners Insurance is useless! They will always find a reason why "this" or "that" is not covered! Especially on an older house, like ours.
We were better off to get about 5 estimates, and choose from them, and we cancelled our Homeowners Policy, AND our Auto Insurance with the Hartford.
It was just a fiasco, trying to figure out WHAT we were supposed to do! But we took our time, figured out a lot by ourselves, and "fixed" the problem temporarily, and we had an honest guy finally come out, and he said we don't have to jack-hammer the sidewalk, or the porch, to get under the tub, to the pipes.
DH put the section of wall back up, with the Insulation, and we probably finished it better than having someone ELSE come out.
I remember the Polio shots.... even the sugar cubes with the vaccine on them? We all had to be vaccinated..... and they closed the dirty lakes we all used to swim in! Thank God for the Salk Vaccine! My Brother had Rheumatic Fever, but outgrew it I think.... without any lingering problems.0 -
Sas it's weird how somewhere in u'r brain time stood still--but I always believed that traumatic events stay with u and come out when it's time and then cover up it's head and go to hibernate till the next time.-Well t least u know why now, as awful as that was--u do know why that time of yr is so saddening for you. I remember growing up and every Christmas my mom just got sad and would say she couldn't wait for it to be over and when it ws over she's always litterally say thanks to God--she was religious--anyway I just thought it was from all the work, but when I was older she told me her mom died around Christmas and at the time my mom was 20 and very close to her. and as my dad said was was a very nice woman, even nicer than my mom--Oh my Dad said it like it was---anyway she really got sad and then I understood why and it lasted until she died at 88--so that triggers u mind in the time of so much sadness..
44444 my whole point is don't let the Holidays be overrun by sadness and confusion, and let them as adults want to have the holidays over with--it's their turn now and u take u'r stand for u'r kids, if not for you. U'r dad will understand and who knows maybe he'll take his stand. Please take charge u.r the MOM now.
GG I'm sorry u have this problem--split families are unbearable, but when things have to be done, u have to do them--so many families have this problem--my one GF hasn't seen her son in yrs--she has no idea if he's living or not but she couldn't take the whole drug scene anymore it was horrible--we all tried to help and we couldn't That's her life now and she's made peace with it. As best as she could.
Ooops I'm little busy today and can't understand these people on the phone--I have a hard time with certain accents on the phone, well even in person OOOOOOO
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Chevy and $4$, the Hartford was good for maybe a week or less. Then when they started with Replacement Cash Value is determined by actual cash value(ACH) minus depreciation that then becomes replacement value(RCV). They determined ACV-DUH. The house was built in 1988. For this size house--2200 sq ft., they put in some serious upgrades. The Hartford declared them standard by today's standard. Then they gave me half of the replacement $$'s and said when I submitted paid bills they would release the rest of the money Chit this is Florida. Getting a contractor to show up is difficult----it's a standard joke here in Florida.
I was just feeling human again after all the four years of trouble and feeling good finally after the brain sx. Well the Hartford game threw me down into the basement again. So, I could have acted more timely on things, but head wasn't screwed on tight. Actually I'm being to hard on myself. I had no responsibility to act differently. Mr Richard at the Hartford main office told me that would not be a problem when I talked with him in March b/c we were progressing.
Retrospectively, should have given it to DS the lawyer and said handle it from the beginning. His company does insurance work almost exclusively. But didn't give it to him until I received a letter from the Hartford in August that said "Balh,balh law says we don't have to be responsible for a claim after so many days".
Plus, I only know as time went on and talking to folks that once replacement value was determined, others received a check for that amount. They didn't have to prove the work occurred.
Well I got knocked into the basement again worrying about Thyroid and Hoohoo --bx's effectively at same time. Then the Hartford letter.
So, hopefully DS will get the rest of the money out of them.
I was asked in the 90's to take the Total Quality Management _TQM course at work and be a facilitator. One of the biggy rules taught was the rule of 1-10-100. One unhappy client will on average tell ten other people who in turn will tell ten(total100) other people. LOL I just realized that's one hundred eleven. but 1-10-100 sounds more interesting.
I am continuing to try and get the word out about how bad the Hartford is, then we have Chevy saying the same thing.
As Spookie will likely concur, to just change insurance companies in Florida is a big deal. Allot of insurers have left the state b/c of hurricane hx. The Hartford through AARP has played us well, by promising no cancellations once insured.
Relatively, my problem was small--a bath and contiguious areas in BR, damaged carpeting and contiguous areas in two other rooms, and some furniture. Good Lord, how would they be after a hurricane with serious damage.
My Future need to do: is a video of whole house and contents and put it in the satey deposit box and a copy to a famliy members sdb up north
Also, on the todo list is --go on the AARP site and leave a blog, and find a new insurer
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I only got Hartford at the shop because choices were limited and I could afford it. I am losing my shop due to all the fun I have had this year, so will be losing the hartford too. I just have not had time or physically (me or DH with his shoulder) been in shape to clean the place out, so I keep scraping together enough just to not get evicted, yet. It's coming soon though since I have lost most of my business and ambition!
We have Travelers for house and car and used them multiple times always with great luck. They are not the cheapest by any means but easy to deal with and have always covered everything and timely too. Because of all the storms and weather here too premiums have gone way up last few years.0 -
Sorry, but not sorry, I have had the replacement vanity in the living space, the countertop on the dining table, andthe toilet on the deck for months. Chaos. My whole adult life has revolved around making home life enveloping. Since so much of the polio hx gives a greater sense of that -----This small thing that Home Depot did for me today. 1-10-100. I called HD and gave Amber and all involved today ATTA GIRL and ATTA GUY's..........for making it happen.
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It is just so special when people go out of their way to make us happy! I'm so glad you acknowledged them! We did to our Plumbing guy too! I know how good it made me feel when I would get commendation letters at my job! Makes everything worthwhile!0 -
4, so sorry about the shop and all. It just soooo sucks. But at least you know now there are better insurers than the Hartford. Definitely, better than having a claim that then you find out--they suck. I've had them since 1998 and never made a homeowners claim. For the car there were two claims and they did good on those---plus no hassle.------hmmmmm different divisions, different bosses, different attitudes.--------------Thanks will look into Travelers. They do allot of advertisement here in central Florida
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Krips Chevy I had to stop myself from crying while talking, sure made Amber feel good......................
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