How to forgive family/friends who disappeared during cancer....
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HI MARA.. I JUST POSTED A LONG UPDATE ON ME & MY SON..NOT GOOD EITHER..BUT I WANTED U TO READ IT.. I HOPE U ARE STILL DOING OK.. WISHING U THE BEST IN THE NEW YEAR.. XOX ~HOPE
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My only child stopped bothering with me 7.5 years ago.......a few months after cancer diagnosis.....there were problems before but nothing that merited this....if he drives or walks past me we are like strangers. I have not told him I am stage 4 now nor all the problems I have.....I am afraid my heart has said goodbye to him as he would only add stress to my life......
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Mwbirren, I just wanted to say that it sounds like you are a wonderful support for your wife. My husband was my rock and I love him so dearly, even more after my diagnosis.
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hi Lilly.. i believe that you are correct about him just adding more stress & anxiety into your life at this time..if he is anything like my son..He wouldnt care if I was stage 10 cancer !!! It wouldnt phase him at all..And YES..THIS IS MY FINAL GOOD BYE TO MY SON.. HE WILL NOT EVEN KNOW ABOUT MY UP COMING SURGERIES IN JANUARY. I AM FINALLY DONE..& YES IT HURTS.. BUT I HAVE TO CONSIDER THAT I AM A REAL PERSON & NO WAY DESERVES THIS TREATMENT FROM HIM..PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU !!!!!! ~HOPE ** MY BIGGEST LOSS IN THIS MESS IS MY 2 TEENAGE GRANDCHILDREN THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 2 YRS.ON XMAS.. I MISS THEM SO DAM MUCH..
KEEP IN TOUCH IF U NEED TO VENT..~HOPE0 -
Having been on the opposite end you are, I believe I'm able to answer this. It's because they were not able to cope with the pain. Which anyone knows the person who has it the worst is the one going thru it. It's extremely scary and painful. I've been like one of the people that wasn't very present and would hope people would be there for me. But, at the same time I'd get why they weren't there. If you think they cared about you before the illness then I bet they really did. Here is the true answer and I hope that brings some kind of peace and closure to people in this difficult world.
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Having been on the opposite end you are, I believe I'm able to answer this. It's because they were not able to cope with the pain. Which anyone knows the person who has it the worst is the one going thru it. It's extremely scary and painful. I've been like one of the people that wasn't very present and would hope people would be there for me. But, at the same time I'd get why they weren't there. If you think they cared about you before the illness then I bet they really did. Here is the true answer and I hope that brings some kind of peace and closure to people in this difficult world.
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Thanks, kelly. I think that is true for many people -- if their relationship was solid pre-diagnosis, then the family member may be dealing with fear and pain in their own way, which is hurtful to the person with cancer.
And of course, there are a lot of people who didn't really have a good relationship before, whether or not they realized or admitted it. For me, as it turns out, my daughter-in-law has apparently never liked me, though I really don't know why. My husband and I are very low-maintenance in-laws, in general! But she's not feelin' it, and my son is in the middle with an angry wife and a bewildered mother. Since he lives with the wife, that's who he needs to appease. Fortunately, our relationship with him has improved some since Christmas. And our relationship with her is close to non-existent right now, which maybe is fine since it's lower stress for everyone concerned. The bad part is we are barely getting to interact with our baby grandson.
So I think it is mixed. Some family members shut us out because of their own issues that have little to do with us. Some have fear and pain about our diagnoses and can't deal with it directly. And some just plain don't like us!
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Hi all,
Just popping in here to provide some helpful information on this topic:
We hope this helps!
—The Mods
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