How to forgive family/friends who disappeared during cancer....
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Well said Mybee333 and Milehighgir!
@ Mybee333 I'm sorry about your boyfriend it's always hard to loose someone you thought was always going to be there for you. How are you doing now? Is it getting any easier for you? My ex of 25 years was an ass also. For him it was all about the sex and nothing else. He demanded it even when I was too sore to do it. He didn't know what NO meant. I'm glad that chapter of my life is over. I hope you feel the same.
Kat
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Hi ~ I am very glad that time of my life is done and I grew so much from moving past it. But it really changed me and some of my family relationships too. I'm just not the same person. I'm much stronger now but guarded too. I keep to myself now and am not dating. So it gets lonely sometimes. But I am glad I did get through it and am esp. glad I didn't have to be bothered with him during treatment. It sounds like you are doing well too. That's good. Funny how time goes on. This cancer sure shows you some things about people. And yourself. It's an eye-opener.
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Joining this group, like many of you my sister has dropped off the face of the earth. I'm grateful the people in my life that have given me support, just so hurt right now. I used to tell myself that I live in Hawaii and she is in the west coast, but I have friends in the east coast that send me txts & have sent cards. This past weekend I flew to the west coast to be in a cousin's wedding before I start chemo in two weeks, my family wore pink ribbons at the wedding, very touching, but my heart broke when my mom told me she wasn't coming some excuse worth her partner, she wasn't working and my mom told her that I really wanted to see her. I know I need to let this go, but it is really bother me.
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Hugs, ML. Sucks.
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ML40 - so very sorry...your sister may never be able to face it because it could be her and not you. I keep reading that the people who run from us are absolutely terrified to be in our place. It is their worst fear. It does not give them any excuses, however.
Of course you are soooo hurt.
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ML40 -- Just an idea, but it sounds like your info re your sister is through your Mom... this could (potentially) be a wonderful opportunity to re-open direct communication with your sister, and tell her how sorry you are that she won't be at the wedding -- and perhaps she could come visit you in Hawaii.. ? If she wanted to, and could make the time, but didn't have the money, perhaps your Mom/you could help her with the ticket cost (?)
We don't know what is going on with your sister... and therefore, the only way to find out is to actually ask her. This could be a huge opening in your relationship with her... if you feel up to the challenge.
One thing I found with my own needs (during my cancer, and during the death of my father the year before) was that I kind of expected people to understand what I wanted/needed, without my needing to tell them. My expectations were often not met, and I was frustrated. But rather than giving up, I realized that I had the power to change my OWN approach, and once I got over the apprehension of 'appearing needy', I actually got pretty good at not only asking for what I wanted, but learning to do it in ways that were 'open' -- meaning I would say something like "I am nervous that my upcoming surgery is going to limit my ability to travel, and I am going to miss your support/friendship during this scary time... do you think you might be able to come visit me?"
This gives your sister really valuable (and clear) information about exactly what you would like, and that you miss her and want her support.
She may still answer "No" -- so be prepared for "I can't afford it" or "I can't get off work" -- or whatever... but at least you will be having a real conversation about it, and your communication with your sister will be open again in a healthy way.
My sister didn't help much with my father's death... and I was hurt by her seeming lack of connection and limited time. I took Dad to nearly every doctor appt/chemo/radiation treatment -- and at my parent's home I cooked for them both and 'hung out' ... then actually moved into Hospice with Dad when that time came. I was frustrated that my sister just wasn't 'available' much.
Now I know that during that time her husband relapsed into heavy drinking. She was afraid to leave him alone for long, as her absence was a great temptation to drink. His own mother had died a few months ago (lots of unresolved anger in that relationship) and after 20 years of sobriety, he was fighting a real hard battle to regain control.
My sister didn't tell me any of that at the time -- she felt I had my hands full with caring for Mom and Dad -- plus, she didn't want to add to Robert's shame that he had fallen off the wagon.
My purpose for mentioning this is that I wasted time wondering why my (usually very helpful/loving) sister wasn't 'there' for me -- and my parents... when the truth was that for whatever reason, she simply wasn't available. It meant nothing about her love for me, or my Dad. But back then -- I "made it mean' that... and added to my own frustration.
When I was diagnosed with BC -- her reaction was anger. She was PISSED that cancer had taken Dad, and now had its claws on her little sister. She was PISSED at the medical community for not knowing exactly what to do to take care of all this. Frankly, her anger was really hard for me to bear -- she wasn't mad AT me, she was mad FOR me... but I had to limit the amount of time I spent with her, because her anger was like poison for me.
Again -- it didn't mean she didn't love me. It meant she has her own demons to deal with -- and her own lessons to learn in this life. I had to give her the space to "not be there for me -- the way I wanted" -- but I was thrilled to welcome her back into my life when she became 'herself' again. I found other people to love -- other people to help me when I needed to be uplifted/supported -- because she simply could NOT give me the postive support I needed. She was too wrapped up in her own anger. (partly caused, I think, by her regret about not being a bigger part of Dad's last months, and his death.)
Thing is, your sister is your sister. She is something that no one else can ever be for you -- and she is unique not only in what she can give you, but in what she needs, too. "Something with her partner" might be something really serious that she doesn't want to burden you with right now.
Just try to love her without many expectations -- and let her know that you love her very much and would love her to be a part of this amazing time in your life. That sometimes you are scared, and sometimes you are still silly and sometimes you are angry, and that the important thing is that you are still YOU and you miss your sister. That your hope is that your cancer might bring you closer, and that you are worried that she seems to be pulling away.
That could be an AMAZING conversation.
I will end by saying that I am now closer to my sister than ever before -- but it is a different (more mature) relationship now. I no longer feel I can "always count on her" -- I have learned that NO ONE can ever "always be there" for us, in every situation. I let her 'go' -- to do whatever she was occupied with at those times... and welcomed her back -- from a stronger-within-my-own-self and less-dependant place. I am sure that our relationship is far better than before... but even more importantly, her 'not-being-there-when-I-needed-her -- made me find new ways within myself to cope with my needs. Not-having-my-sister with me left room for my boyfriend to step up and made US closer than ever before. Not-having-my-sister left room for other friends to step up and share what THEY had to offer.
Best of luck -- this cancer experience offers us constant opportunities to become better people. It provides us an opening to love our loved-ones even more -- with a new respect for their individuality -- both what we consider their strong points AND their 'faults'. Love is always a gift. We don't get to define how others will package it -- or what they will offer -- or when -- or how they will choose to share their love. We only can say clearly what we hope for, be prepared for the occasional (or even continual) "no" -- and then leave the door open, knowing that whatever is temporarily keeping that beloved person from us is ONLY TEMPORARY -- and must have an extremely high importance to them in this moment.
You will do great -- either way! And staying "hurt" by something your sister does or doesn't do -- that you can't understand -- only negatively affects you and makes things worse in your relationship, and your day-to-day thinking. So give her the benefit of the doubt, and know that she is (and will continue to do) her VERY BEST given her understanding of the world and all the strains of her own life that are pulling at her...
All my best,
Linda
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Jaybird- my doctors always told me I had a choice, they did give their opionins and gave me the % for reaccurance but ultimatly it is up to you. My MO & Nurse knew I wanted the best option so I believe that is why they came to my husband's hosiptal room (their office was downstairs) I am healed from my lumpectomy and right node discetion. I feel great, so I am asking myself why put my body through chemo. Another person on the Sept board shared with me a little phase her husband says to her. "We are on a search and destroy mission, going to find and kill thos little #######" I had lymph node involvement, so that is why I decided to have chemo to kill any possible little #######.
I had my port installed today. Walked 2 miles this morning before I went to the hospital. I was really emotional crying and singing with my inspirational music. It was great to walk and get my emotions out. Having the port installed wasn't too bad, a lot of sticks then eventually pressure. Drs gave me a nice cocktail to relax, felt like I had a couple of margaritas
A little sore from the small insision but just took tylenol and I feel fine. I slept most of the day but believe I was exshasted from this crazy week in the hospital for my husband and has nothing to do with my port installment. 3 days until I go into kill any destroy. Hope everyone has a great weekend. 0 -
Thank you Linda, going to reach out to my sister this weekend before I start chemo.
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ML40, I am glad. You will know at least you tried. You wont ever have to wonder what might have been. Much love.
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My twin and I have always been very different people. We have gone for years at a time without contact I am very close with my older brother, who also chooses not to be in contact with her. When her husband divorced her after 20+ years she contacted me, after 10 years of no contact, to support her. She did support me for a short time , after my diagnosis two years ago ,but she is still the person I have always known, and is no longer in my life. Do I 'forgive' her?
There is nothing to forgive. She is who she is and I am who I am. We can only be who we are capable of being at this time in our lives
Can we be different because we are family? That has not happened for me.
However, it has been different with my brother, and I am so grateful for that. I don't think that it would have made a difference if we were family or not.
I don't think that this happened in my case, but I think that some people get "freaked out" and scared, and withdraw, or they don't know what to say, or can't deal with a diagnosis. It's more about them than you. We ALL have our weaknesses, and no one is perfect, least of all me. We are all just trying to cope with things that no one else knows anything about.
Of course, some people are just meanies. I hate meanies.
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I can relate to what you are saying about your sister completely. My sister has never called me, confided in me or made any real attempt at closeness. She went to two appts. with me but we are what we are. Breast cancer didn't change that, in fact it caused me to reevaluate our relationship. I was doing all the work. I questioned why I was doing that. I would rather put my time and effort into a relationship with some reciprocity and with someone who seems like they actually like me. With me doing all the relationship maintenance, I always just felt like I never measured up.
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ML40 -- How did it go with your sister?
Have you started the chemo yet?
Best of luck on all fronts... sending you good thoughts
Linda
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I think that it is not ideal to go ahead and disappear, but I also think it could be a form of grieving. For example, I have a mom that I never got along with. She has stage 4 breast cancer. To me, way before cancer, our relationship was lost. I honestly felt like a motherless daughter. I do think my mom, and other family members too, feel that she also has had some mental illness, undiagnosed bipolar disorder or unipolar depression, something like that.... When my mom got diagnosed, I was there despite all of this, but was pushed away. I figured that would happen and still tried to be there, show up at the hospital, ask how she was doing, talk about other stuff non-cancer stuff, but obviously, she just pushed further and further away. She was mean, angry, and still has not bothered to attempt to establish any sort of civility. When a relationship is lost before and this happens, I think it causes more problems and makes it harder to reestablish something new if the other party does not want too. There is nothing you can do until they come to you. Unfortunately, I think this affects other relationships, esp. when it is a mom, with other family members,like other people that stood in as moms - grandma's, dad's, etc..... Sometimes, staying away can make, in a sick way, a way to show support because that is all you can do. I think it is part of the grieving process sometimes. I think cancer can make one feel helpless and not just the individual with cancer, but others affected by it. Please appreciate the people that help out with others that have cancer.0 -
Hugs, Karij.0 -
Ladies, I just don't get it. I thought I had good friends. I thought I had a supportive family. What I have is squat.
Here's a bit of backstory: I was the co-founder/director of an improv group for years. Two weeks before I was diagnosed I got tossed from the group, each member saying they loved me as a person, I was family, but not onstage. Then I get diagnosed and of the entire group only two folks have been in contact, but barely at all. My supposed best friend for the last twenty years I've not seen since July, she called yesterday, first time in months, and said I should drop by the next time I'm out running around. Um, I have my last chemo next week and so I am lucky if I can make it to the garage and back.
So what happens when I do run into these folks in the future? How do I react when they gush and tell me how good I'm looking and all I want to do is glare at them and slap them silly? I live in a small community, it's gonna happen. And WTF about my family? My mom died from BC three years ago, you'd think when I get the same diagnosis that the family would rally but no, I'm a pariah to them too, even my sister in law who's been through this whole thing. I don't get it, I always thought I was a nice person but maybe not. I'm at my wit's end and now cry at the drop of a hat. What do you do? How do you deal with folks who you feel abandoned you when you were low through no fault of your own. I mean hey, if I had ended up in prison for some crime I would understand no one wanting to be a buddy. It's not like I went out and got cancer on purpose.0 -
Join the club - it sucks. Get through the next few weeks and what ever treatment you have. Then, come back. Right now, concentrate on you.0 -
I've thought a lot about this topic because it seems so common. I also have had a couple of people who ignored me or kind of dropped out of sight after my diagnosis. The majority are still very much there but I found on some days that those few who stayed away were bothering me and I found myself ruminating on it. We don't have very good emotional literacy in our culture and a real fear of death, especially around cancer. People don't know what to say and they feel scared in thinking about cancer so they stay away. I see a lot of articles online titled "What not to say to someone with cancer" and I think this creates a real fear of saying the wrong thing. Usually they are good people but just have no idea of what to do. I have one friend who I hadn't heard from since my diagnosis and mentioned this to another gal who knows both of us. It turns out that friend of mine had been agonizing over not contacting me and felt very guilty about it. She had confided in our mutual friend that she simply didn't know what to say and didn't know how to handle it. I chose to let go of my resentment and just contact her. Is it fair or right that I am the one who has to be the stronger person in this situation? Nope. But I get it. I remember what it was like to be around people who were ill before I got my diagnosis and I often worried about what to say and I'm pretty sure I fell into the cliche trap once or twice. I think it's also important to recognize that each of us has a different capacity for dealing with difficult issues. Some people run from their own issues at the first opportunity so there is no way they can deal with someone else's difficult problems. I'm not saying it's right but it's just how it is. I hope people don't take this kind of abandonment to heart. I know it's hard not to but I think that, in most cases, this is not about the person with cancer not being loveable enough. NOT AT ALL. It's about other people and their own capacities and abilities to relate and tolerate discomfort.0 -
Beeve -- Gildedcage has really hit it on the head. Everyone has their own fears and past experiences with cancer (and fear of death)-- and since your mom had it, too... your siblings (especially) may still be in shock/denial/fear ... so my advice is to try to keep that door open so when they snap out of it they know they still have access to you.
My sister, for instance, at the time of my BC dx, was still in deep grief over my father's recent death to cancer. So she was angry all the time -- not at me, but at cancer. I always felt drained after our calls. She certainly wasn't behaving the way I wanted her to, or might have expected her to, but it was easy to see her demons, and to not be sad or irritated that she wasn't giving me what I hoped for -- she was deep in her own pain.
She wasn't "there for the family" as much as I would have liked during my father's illness and death, either-- the bulk of care-taking fell to me (including caring for Mom, who was 'fine' but in deep denial about Dad's condition, so much that she was almost no help). Later, though, I found out that my sister's husband (a reformed alcoholic) was at that time relapsing and struggling with unsolved issues around his own mother's death, which occurred right as Dad became ill. My sister never shared any of that at the time -- but every time she came to KC to help Dad/Me/Mom -- her husband got crazy drunk and depressed... she felt trapped and torn.
But I think the biggest piece (especially around 'friends") is that people honestly (for the most part) have NO CLUE what is going in your life right now. They don't offer help sometimes because they have no idea what you need, and some may be concerned that you will need SO much that they won't be able to cope... (maybe some one in their past was super-needy) so they offer nothing.
What a shame, when all you really might want is a ride to/from a chemo session or doctor appt, or even to just go out for a movie some afternoon. We (for the most part) just want our friends to stay friendly!
Some (like my sister) may actually have their own huge events transpiring that they don't want to burden you with... (loving and losing-love, issues with parents, siblings, illness, confusion, depression, money-troubles... you name it ... can be all-consuming from time to time in anyone's life). It doesn't mean they don't care about you, only that they are swimming in their own concerns right now.
Or -- maybe they are simply not-very-aware people -- in which case they aren't 'bad' or 'wrong' -- they just don't have the life-tools yet to be a stead-fast friend. This could be an opportunity for them, too... and, if you keep the door open, both you and some of them may get the chance to become MUCH closer.
The way I dealt with this (wanting to stay connected without judging or being disappointed) was to let people clearly know what I wanted and needed... and what my treatment looked like, and how I felt. Not just one person, but several, through informative/non-threatening "updates" in email form every week or two or three, depending on when I felt like it. I kept the emails upbeat, let them know (via humor, etc) that I was the same person I always was, but there was BIG adventure happening, and I didn't want them to be left out, if they were interested in participating. I included photos, of me, of my hairdresser -- of beautiful mountain scenes, my dog. It helped me, too, to work through my feelings, to focus on the 'good stuff' I was thinking and feeling -- to put that in the front of my mind. Some people on my list never answered a single email. Others became much closer friends. But everyone knew that (at least from my side) the door to our friendship was still open.
Another friend of mine with cancer started a blog, and sent all her friends/relatives links to the blog, so they could join in and keep in contact...
I don't know what will work best for you -- but I do know that staying hurt/angry mostly hurts YOU. Negative energy/worry can have deleterious physical effects -- and our recoveries are our most important considerations.
If there are a few super-important people in your life, I suggest you reach out (in love, not in disappointment) and simply tell them that you miss them, and would sure like to see them soon.
No expectations, no "shoulds" -- this is a great opportunity to find our own strength-of-soul, and to learn to accept people exactly as they are, rather than as we think they "should be". Some people will drop away -- that's OK, though -- it happens throughout life that people drift in and out as they 'fit' into our lives... or don't anymore.
Life is amazing and wonderful -- and the people who drift in and out of our lives make everything even more interesting! But, just like Mom can't 'kiss this and make it all better' -- neither can any other person make this BC trip easier/better/happier for us -- we can only do that for ourselves. Personally, I have found the lessons and opportunities of this experience to be extremely enlightening -- and I know I am a (much!) happier and mentally-healthier person than I was prior to my dx.
We can do this!
Linda0 -
Stage 4 BC here.
Eleven years ago, when I was first diagnosed, I didn't care who had come through for me and who had not. Once the treatments were over and I was in recovery, I was just so grateful to be alive.
This time around of course, it's different. First of all, I'm sick (I never would have said that about myself eleven years ago). Second, I know that I'm dying, I can see that.
I am lucky enough to have a very supportive husband, and close friends who "get it". Mother, thank God, is dead. Sisters are struggling with their emotions; I was always resented. I've had to step back and not over compensate for bad behavior; they have to live with themselves.
But it's still not easy. You really have to cleave to the people who support you, and let go entirely of the people who do not.0 -
It will never be easy to accept and I don't think any of us are even looking for easy at this point. We are all evaluating what we thought we had, what we actually have, and figuring how to move forward with what we've got. Sherman3804, it is terrible that you are so sick again to the point that you think you are dying this time around. Illness is a very lonely road no doubt. Those of us that are strong enough to put our fragile egos on the line "just one more time" to reach out to our families/friends looking for what we probably never had to begin with...good luck. I have done it, albeit without success. But one thing I can vouch for...it did not hurt next to near enough as the first go round and perhaps the fact that now I know for sure that they are no longer interested in a relationship (I had my brother actually say to me last month after not speaking for 6 1/2 years "What is it you actually want from me?" I think he actually thought I might be asking him for money as I had just be discussing my three children that are now in college as I made nervous chit chat sitting with him in his kitchen). Sometimes the Mountain does have to make that trip to Mohammed, but try not to be too hurt if it doesn't happen for your yet again. I am not trying to discourage anyone as I was desirous as anyone to have family contact again...it is like being attracted to a flame...but when you reach out and touch it you can still get burned sometimes ;-(0 -
I think you are absolutely right about looking to these old relationships for something that was never there. I caught myself doing it again when I was first diagnosed with stage 4, and I had to stop myself.
People have all kinds of reasons for avoiding sick family members. In the end, however, you are dealing with adults who are responsible for their behavior. I would never cut off anyone who shows signs of caring, but neither am I going to do a lot of outreach for people who do not. Frankly, it's too late for that. My train is no longer making those stops.0 -
Ladies,
I too have had this with members of my family, My brother: 'I am only here on a Fri afternoon to help'. and nothing after that. My sister: 'I will do what I can' (nothing!!'), as I returned to a cold house/no food following neutropenia. Yet, she called the GP the very day I was dx asking for an urgent mammogram lest she might have breast cancer. My Mother: 'I do not need this'.
A very good friend told me they were so damaging and to stay away from them all, as it would be the worse for me. That's what I have done. I am particularly shocked at my sister, who I supported massively following the trauma of her 1st child's birth.
They were mad and dysfunctional before this, it was mad of me to think they might not be following my dx.
I try not to think about it too much as it disturbs my peace.0 -
It's hard tho' not to think of it isn't it? I went through a lot of similar family issues when my father died about a year ago. My Mom and sister seemed to turn into snarling dogs (my Mom is my Dad's ex-wife divorcing 42 yrs ago). I had just had it at that point. I felt that all our lives I was, if not the scapegoat, the one with the problem, the one who didn't quite fit in. My life complications were inconvenient to the two of them, and they are quite close. (My sister's mean words from over the past years, particularly over the past 5 or so, still sit with me and are haunting). This continued through breast cancer as far as that sense that it was all a little mystifying to them, like hmmm - she has another problem again; there was some support, but mostly it was a journey I took alone. I remember being alone for days with brief contact with my very busy teenage daughter. So much time to think. A whole summer. And I had 7 surgeries over 2 yrs., 6 for BC. But I bounced back, but yes, it is like the stove. I just feel I got burned one too many times. When I got repeatedly yelled at by them within the week my father died, I was done. I just can't seem to go back to pretending we are a family anymore. Everything in my being just says no. And they really don't understand. A lifetime of crazy has been too much for me. I am the only one who has had multiple health problems in our small family. I can only take so much. Sometimes when you reach out (and I have tried several times over this past year, in little ways) you do just get burned. People don't really change. With those kinds of family issues you can bet I chose men unwisely, repeating those patterns. At this point, I'm just trying to keep some stability and am single. But it is a lonely road at times.0 -
You are all right in different scenarios, but our disease has made us want to put ourselves first for at least a little while (for some of us it is the first time we have ever tried to be in that position!). The psychiatrist that I went to when I was facing surgery #3 told me that she treats hundreds of families just like mine. I only went for two sessions (insurance did not cover her...not in network) but boy did she give me some pretty good pearls of wisdom! She said I was the caretaker in my family and in essence they were "mad" at me for getting sick! We all think that perhaps a cancer dx will be a short term get out of jail free card, but if the relationship was not there to begin with the cancer dx will bring it all tumbling down! Being alone is certainly lonely at time, but being yelled at repeatedly is not healthy either. Get out and save yourself. Just because they are related to you does not entitle them to treat you badly.0 -
amen to that, Kdoole.
Hugs to all.0 -
Kd - I think you are right that perhaps our expectation that it will all change with the diagnosis, that the dynamics will be different, is just not the reality and can break our hearts, just a little. Interesting the psychiatrist noted having seen hundreds of families like yours. I imagine that is so. Yes, people do get mad if the roles have to be switched up. And family gets irritated when the caretaker is the sick one, at least in not so healthy families. Thanks for the encouragement and reassurance. It's nice to be validated Sometimes I forget that it's not okay to be yelled at, esp. for silly reasons, just because someone else happens to be in a bad place. Working on my friendships and girlfriends now. I have some pretty good ones who remember what I have been through and that has been nice. To be thought of with kindness is a blessing and something I now treasure after having gone through all this 'stuff'. I find I like to do for others now more too, in an altruistic kind of way. Now if the energy will just kick back in.........0 -
First step mybee333 is to love yourself. You are deserving of the love, as we are all deserving of respect and love. Nurture yourself in small ways and be sure and take care of yourself a little bit every day. Be in the moment, don't think about the past, and don't go too far into the future as this can overwhelm. Nourish your body, drink your water, exercise a little bit if you don't at all and a little more if you already do. Then before you know it, energy will start to return bit by bit and you will be a little better than before. It won't happen in a day, but it will happen
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I am at the beginning of my journey with BC. I am getting the "what can I do to help" offers.
My 7th grade science teacher just wants to make a dinner for me and the family. I will take it her up on it when I need it!
My sister is having a partial hysterectomy the day before my surgery. She is not handling it well. I will be on her phone, FaceTime or email every couple of days up to surgery then we will both be re-couperating at the same time (unfortunately she is 2000 miles away).
I have my younger daughter, 3.5 year old grandson, 9 month old grandson, and my DH who will be my main caregivers. When I have a few minutes I will reach out to my friends and rest of my family so they know it's ok. That makes it easier on them and allows them to feel comfortable enough to be supportive!
FYI My mom had a Mx when I was 12. She is trying not to tell me what to do but it is hard for her. Plus my dad had bladder cancer last year and had his bladder removed so she is still angry at cancer.0 -
Well mapgirl12, welcome to the club that you never wanted to belong to, but probably knew it was a possibility :-(
A big hug and center yourself. Those that offer take them up on their offer for dinners, etc. The best day will be when you can cook your own dinner again ;-)
In a way it may be a blessing that your sister is 2,000 miles away for this excuses both of you from trying to help the other, lol!
Keep telling yourself you will be fine, for that is so. It is not fun, but you will get thru it one day at a time. Before you know it you will have it behind you. There is lots of great advice here on the blogs of how to prepare for your surgery, chemo (if needed), etc. Read what you can here and only go on websites that are legit or of an academic nature. You can make yourself nuts, so be careful. I have found that I wish that I had tapped into the advice of the many that had gone before me as their words of wisdom to help one cope were quite on the money.
Good luck as your surgery will be here soon. Be kind to yourself as you get ready
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Hugs mapgirl. You will get through it.0
