Maybe a dumb flat question?
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I'm so sorry DP. It's scary. We'll be here to hold your hand. When is the biopsy?
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Hiya everyone I am pretty new to the site and had my treatments 2012/2013 Anyway i followed this threat and wanted to give my support to DP Hang in there girl! One day at a time!
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thanks for your support bluebird, Zils and lee. I so wanted to be done. Not scheduled yet. MO recommended that I skip the PET and go straight to biopsy but there is still the possibility that they may say it is too small to perform. The larger spot is 13mm and on bc side. Up from 4mm in August. I was on Halaven from October through January and my mind wonders.... Did it grow during chemo? During the two month break between taxol and Halaven? Heck, in the last three weeks while I've been off Halaven? Was Halaven not an effective treatment for me? Is it from smoking? Or is it not cancer at all? Did rads cause it to grow? Will a biopsy collapse my lung? And on and on... I want to shut my mind off and just sleep. I hope I can. Have to get up at 3 am to go to kohls, not to shop. Thanks again ladies. This is the first place I came today. Have not told family. Only bf and work fam.
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Try to sleep well. Benadryl or other sleep med if necessary!
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Do you have anxiety meds like Valium or Xanax or Ativan? I used them during chemo at night to sleep. I'm sure the dr would give you a Rx.
Hang tough and stay busy. Crank the radio loud. The waiting is the worst part. Can you enter another contest? That will keep you distracted. Who knows you may have a new career.
Gotta go. Poop emergency for 5 yr old. What a way to start the morning! We're here for you to cry, scream, rage.
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I dont post often here but do read it everyday, sending my support to DP, Zills give the best advice!(( Hugs))
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DP we are all hear for you !!!! Hugs !!!
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DP so sorry to hear your news! Sending you prayers and lots of hugs!!
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DP, what a time you're having. I hope you can get some sleep and stop the whirling mind. There's nothing worse than that non stop thinking! Ugghh, it is so exhausting.
As shitful as the waiting has been, all will be revealed soon and you'll do whatever it takes, again.
Big hugs and fingers crossed that it IS something else. Don't you be giving yourself a hard time now. You've been amazing, doing all you do, and keeping up with all the treatments.......Take care of you! M x
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I stayed super busy today and didn't have time to think. Thinking I should be able to just crash tonight out if exhaustion. Throwing a 50th anniversary party for my grandparents next Saturday. So I have lots to keep me busy if kohls were to decide to give me a break. Lol. Thank you all for the support and wishes. It really is so comforting to see people care. I deal everyday with mostly the most negative part of human behavior so it is nice to be reminded good, genuine people are out there. Hugs
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DP, I am here for you too. F0ck those stupid tests! Our Z has excellent advice. I would follow them to the letter. Ativan or X, radio, fave movie, cry, scream, rage! Anything goes. And we may have great results. Fingers crossed, but I am still holding your hand.
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Thinking about you DP. How's the party plans going? Making anything special, award winning?
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DP, hope your party planning is keeping your mind occupied. Thinking about you!
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have had no time for party planning all weekend. Been at kohls nearly round the clock since Thursday. Will be doing payroll all night tonight. Tomorrow I have to go by the venue though and pick up the keys and pay the bill. I need to take a other look at it too so I can figure out the decorations. I've just been picking up random things for a couple of weeks. So I need to get it all out of the bags and figure it out. Hope it doesn't end up looking mish mosh. We are doing two chicken dishes; chicken parm and stuffed chicken rolls with some veggies and pasta. Mexican shrimp cocktail. And having the wedding cake duplicated. I am making a slide show of all the old wedding pics... Need to work on that too. Also need to think of something to keep the kids occupied. There are more coming than I expected. Any ideas on that? My idea of corralling them in the tennis court across the parking lot was frowned on. Lol. I was thinking we would only have around 30 gears total but it is looking more like upwards of 60. I keep getting late rsvp's that say they will either be 2 or 6 people. So it could be 50 people or 100, who knows. Still waiting on a call to schedule te biopsy. I'm going to try to wait until after this weekend to tell my family.
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whats Mexican shrimp cocktail?
Maybe put a couple of tables back by the wall covered in white paper with crayons and stickers for the kids to create. Or you could tape the paper to the wall. Have them make a giant card for grandma and granddaddy. They love balloons. Small dishes of goldfish and boxes of raisins so they can snack while waiting. A tub of kid friendly drinks. No pouches. Maybe the small bottles of water. Little ones can be entertained for minutes! with a box of raisins and a balloon. The boys will probably chase each other but they are their parents responsibility.
Good luck.
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Mexican shrimp cocktail is so good, if you like spicy. You use smaller shrimp and put it with diced avacado, onions and cilantro and put it in a sauce (or kind of soup) made with clamato or spicy v8 with some other spices. It is best served on a patio with margaritas on a breezy summer evening. I got shrimp on sale for 1.98/lb and it should be easy to make a large batch. I got really lucky to find boneless skinless chicken breast for 1.19/lb too. Thanks for the entertainment ideas. I had not even thought of kid friendly snacks. Your such a good mom. Lol. You can look at Facebook.com/skelton50 if you want to see some of their cute wedding pics. I swear my grandpa looks like he is about 14
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Those are awesome prices. Is the shrimp precooked? I've been craving good shrimp. It's like $6-$10 a pound here.
Kids get into trouble when they are hungry or bored. Waiting is the hard part and they may not be interested in the toasts and such. They are still their parents responsibility.
I don't want you to go crazy about them. Will there be dancing? That should keep everyone entertained!
I just looked at Facebook. That is so cool. They are lucky to have a granddaughter like you. Are you ready for this? That looks like my mothers wedding dress that I wore too. Cue the twilight music:)
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Zills, you are ever the source of great ideas!! I really like the idea of the paper on the wall and all the kids draw a card! What a great memory that would be!
DP, that shrimp cocktail sounds yummy!! I'm going to have to try it!!
Hugs!
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I live about a mile from a mostly Hispanic community and the Mexican grocery stores have great sales all the time. They also have the best produce. This shrimp is raw and it Is actually large shrimp diced into smaller pieces which is perfect for the cocktail. They have all sorts of interesting things there; like live catfish, pig and cow heads in the freezer, chicken feet. I was so sad for the poor cow who still had all his teeth and looked like he was trying to bite his way out of the glass. My mom told me that one time she went they had a whole pig in the butcher counter.
I don't know if I'm ready. I work pretty well under pressure so I figure I will wing it on Saturday. We can get to the venue as early as 7am an the party starts at 3pm. They have a kitchen so we should be able to decorate while things are cooking.
The hospital called today to Schedule my biopsy. It is next Thursday.
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Send the recipe please. So what can you get into next week to keep you busy?
We have some small Hispanic shops. Have been in one to get bread. Not real comfortable going in as i don't speak or read Spanish well. Most of ours shop at Walmart.
Mine would be fascinated by the heads. I can't imagine how many questions that would start. I've seen a pigs head and of course we live on a farm. DH grew up slaughtering but mine always came from the grocery wrapped in plastic.
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I refused to go to El Rancho by myself. Only because it is always so crowded and I don't like going to new places alone or anywhere where there are a lot of people anymore. But I think I could go by myself now that I figured out how most things work there. It is quite overwhelming. The music is blasting and everything is so vibrant and colorful, and it's all asses and elbows (even outside if the meat counter, ha). They have the most beautiful bakery cakes I have ever seen. A restaurant inside, a tortilla factory, a huge seafood counter and miles of produce. It's nearly as big as a Walmart. But the people were pretty polite an oddly enough, not that many kids in there, as opposed to Walmart I have refused to go into a Walmart other than at odd hours of the early morning for many years now. I've always said I was a city girl but for a couple years now and especially lately, I've been thinking I would love to live in a tiny town- one like you might see on City Confidential- without whatever terrible murder took place there of course.
I think work will keep me busy next week. It will be the longest weekend after though, waiting to get the results. I've pretty much resigned myself that I already know the results though. I think I already knew on the day that I went for the scans. It's the "what now" that keeps my mind buzzing. Twice already I thought I knew what my plans were and now they will all change again.. I guess. Should I go on with recon? Will I have more chemo or surgery? Should I keep working? Will I ever have sex again in my life? Lol. My mind never shuts off, but it never has before all this either. When I had a full time employee covering the night shift at jc penney, years ago, I would call her in the middle of the night and talk for hours because she was the only one up and my brain wouldn't let me sleep.
I will look for the recipe I found online a while back for the shrimp cocktail. There are a lot of them, but this one I found was closest to what I make. It will give me something to do other than ramble. wink
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ok. Here is your first Spanish lesson. This is Coctel de Camarones estilo Mexicano. If you ever want to move to Texas and do light industrial staffing, all you need to know is "Trabajo mañana" or "no trabajo mañana" and "un momento".
http://www.grouprecipes.com/8829/mexican-shrimp-cocktail.html
For The "hot sauce" I use Chalula or Tapatio but if they don't have that there, you can use Tabasco, but it isn't quite the same. I also always throw a little garlic powder into nearly everything I cook. And I don't always put in celery. I think it's kind of gringo. Enjoy!
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Thanks so much for the recipe!! I live alone so I will scale it down, but definitely going to make it!
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My brain whirls too like a record going right round. Have you tried yoga?
Yes you can have sex again. You may need to explore new stuff. If you have pain, don't be afraid to ask for pelvic floor exercises. You can google them but will have to see a PT if you're willing.
Maybe you should look for another contest to enter and be creative next weekend. I find it easier to let it go if I've walked. Go to a dog park or somewhere you all can run and play.
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I don't think I have the patience for yoga. Too much quiet time. Ha. I can usually zone out with qvc on but lately I'm irritated with my qvc "friends". They are so excited about putting flameless candles in dark corners while I'm worked about real issues, like you know, having cancer. But I'm cranky this week.
I know I can have sex, my wonder is will I? It's a log and complicated story but bottom line it's been since before surgery. Shortly after my second AC treatment. A loooong time ago. A friend from work wants to take a trip up to Oklahoma to be casino next weekend. Maybe that's a good idea.
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Do you like casinos? It might be fun. Would be different.
There was a long time for me too. Almost a year. Then DH was afraid he'd hurt me. So. . . It just takes time. You may have to schedule it. Don't give up. Unfortunately treatments take priority and the worry and SEs don't make us feel very sexy.
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I'm glad there is still hope. I am just worn out mentally and physically. I really want to have a good sex life again, but the reality is "I'm just not that into it". Hubby totally avoids touching me on my torso at all. (And if he did I wouldn't feel it anyway) it's such an awkward thing anymore. And in the heat of the battle, once I'm reminded of losing my breasts, I just deflate. It's depressing.
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I do like the casinos. I had some free nights at the hotel for February so I called last night and booked it. I normally just drive up for the day and have never stayed there overnight. Thinking I am due or a drink or ten. I think I am PFC long enough now. I used to be a pretty heavy, every day drinker which slowed down to nearly never when I moved in with bf. he is almost 4 years sober. I've only drank twice since diagnosis.
The sober date was actually the beginning of the bedroom troubles. So they predate bc but since, it has been nonexistent. Bluebird you said the perfect word. Avoidance describes it all, and makes everything surrounding intimacy (not just sex) uncomfortable and depressing. He too avoids touching my torso. I avoid initiating anything to avoid perceived rejection. And we both avoid the entire issue altogether. But it is completely depressing when I let myself think about it.
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(((Zills))), (((Bluebird))) (((DP))) so sorry for the intimacy iissues you endure besides all the bc carp!! Guess I was lucky that I was a widow when all this hit the fan. DH passed 16 years ago, and I have had no desire to go looking for any one else, bc or not!
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I'm so sorry girls. I initiate now. I did get turned down in the beginning. Was told I only want it because I think he did. Not true. Don't have any magic formula.
We are going to counseling and it's a topic I plan on bringing up. He says it doesn't bother him but he doesn't touch my chest either.
DP I envy your time away. I hope you have a wonderful time.
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