Time for hospice and Im really scared
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I haven't come by here in a while, but I am glad that I did. I definitely do not think it is morbid to be wondering about what comes next. It's a very natural thought. If it is of any comfort, I think the end is as someone said a bit back, a bit like childbirth in its feeling of naturalness, of rightness, though I would add, a lot less active than childbirth.
I was with my mother when she was sent home in Hospice's care. I was given several pain medications to give her, a schedule to follow for them, Hospice phone numbers to call if I had any questions, then left entirely in charge of her. My cousin in another state had much the same experience with her mother. Both of us found it to be a very peaceful, gentle, loving and profound time. We each spent a lot of time talking to our mother's, saying all of the things people forget to say, and I enjoyed touching her and holding her hand as I sat by her bed. I did my best to be sure that she had enough medication to keep her comfortable as she was in pain, and Hospice left that judgement up to me. I could give more if I felt she needed it,
Once on my own with her, I realized that it would be very easy to help someone go faster and I believe Hospice is well aware of that also, though nothing was said openly to me about it. The pain meds, drops by mouth, made my mother sleepy. She spent most of her time drifting in and out of sleep before she went into a deeper sleep as I gave her more pain meds when I could see her in discomfort. I will always wonder if I did hasten my mother, in giving her extra pain meds, but I would not have given her any less. I believe I stayed within acceptable parameters as nothing was said about how much had been used when the Hospice representative came afterwards. She carefully checked all the medications with me before we flushed the unused portions together. Hospice is very careful about the powerful medications it gives to caregivers and wants to see them disposed of personally. I do not think it makes judgements about how much is given. So, I think the answer to a question you had earlier is, if you need more, you can be given more.
The end of my mother's life was very peaceful when it happened, and seemed the most natural thing in the world. Thanks to the meds given on schedule, she was in no pain. She just seemed to slow down and relax. Her normal breaths slowed and came farther apart. There were several times during her last two days that those sitting with us and I actually thought she might have breathed her last, the pauses were so long, but she hadn't. She would just quietly start breathing normally again. Watching her go so softly took my fear of dying away. It truly is like going to sleep.0 -
Afternoon Teri!!!
I'm just loving all these escapologist animal stories! My little dog (she's a miniature poodle x fox terrier) is as smart as a whip........when we moved to our present house I thought the yard was dog proof as it is surrounded by a six foot stone wall and other than the double gates at the back entrance and a small walkway gate at the front I thought there was no was she could get out........that was until the butcher asked me if that cute little scruffy fluffy thing that passed for a dog was mine? I laughed and said yes and asked him when he had seen her.
Well, the story goes that apparently when I went out (making sure that all gates were closed and locked) she would get out and go exploring and visiting the neighborhood including the butcher shop! I couldn't for the life of me work out how she was doing it so hunted my yard to find her escape hole.
Behind my little laundry building and the stone wall was a very narrow gap that she could easily walk through but I didn't know was there........so, I found some timber and closed that gap.......the whole time I was doing it I could feel these two eyes boring into my back........I could feel the discontent as I closed her exit so there would be no more visits to the butcher for her! She has forgiven me but it did take a week or two........lol.
This is my girl and her name is Tinkerbell.
Hoping your day is a pleasant one.
Love n hug. Chrissy0 -
good morning Teri!
I haven't been posting much lately; I had an operation on my knee last week and it seems that since I left the hospitals life has been a whirlwind of nurses to change dressings and PT sessions! Still have all the visits but thankfully I'm starting to be mobile again so things are getting back to normal.
The escaping animals are hilarious!! We used to have a black Labrador, and she was always very content and calm while in the house, but as soon as she was let outside anything was possible! No matter how often we plugged up her escape routes, she always found another one. One day, when she couldn't find a way out, she dug a hole under the path so deep we couldn't see her and spent 4 hours searching the neighbourhood. My dh said she was trying to reach Australia.....
I'm still watching out for goats, but all I've seen locally this week is wild boars- they're coming out of the forest looking for food because it's turned very cold. It's a bit scary to see them pushing the bins over to have a root!!
Hope you have a good day,
Nicky0 -
Hi Teri,
Sorry to hear that it is frigid cold and no snow. It seams that if it is that cold there should be snow, to make everything pretty. One of the cities close to me, (Syracuse) just made #1 in the "5 Worst Winter Weather Cities" put out by the Farmers Almanac. Just north of where I live they just got 3 feet. I like the snow and cold up until January then I'm ready for it to be over, and unfortunately sometimes it isn't over until April or May.
I hope there is a Deuce sighting soon, I love the image of him as a reindeer!
I hope and pray for peaceful days for you.
Michele0 -
I'm enjoying the stories of all the escape dogs
. I have 3 labs and an old, grumpy Jack Russell. My chocolate lab, Hazel Nut, is our resident escape artist. We have just about given up on trying to keep her contained. I find cool dog toys in my yard often......toys I never bought. Obviously, she's a bit of a cleptomaniac when it comes to her canine neighbors! There is a hillside avocado orchard that I can see from the front of my house. Sometimes, when I notice she's gone again, I go out front and I can see her running wildly through the orchard. She always comes back within 10 minutes or so.....and usually has an avocado to munch on, or some cool dog toy. Of course, she goes straight to teasing the other 3 dogs with her loot. She's a nut.....as her name so aptly is!0 -
I recently took a trip to Philadelphia and at the airport this woman was going through security. I saw her fold up a stroller and put it on the conveyor belt to be xrayed and then she started going through the scanner and I kept looking for her baby. I couldn't see one and kept wondering where is her baby..who is holding it? Then when I passed by her I saw a little tiny Yorkie pup in her arms...they where hand scanning the puppy because the scanners kept going off when they went through. The poor puppy was shaking like a leave. It never occurred to me her stroller was for her furry baby. My dog is way to big for a stroller but I thought the Yorkie in the stroller was adorable.0 -
Teri,
Thinking about you, tho I have not been here for a few days. Love the idea of Deuce as a reindeer. I think given our circumstances we all think about what the end will be like, at least once in a while. I know I do. I bet there is a social worker who can help process all of this for you. It may be that the nurse just isn't comfortable with the discussion, which given her occupation doesn't make sense -but may still be the case. If you have questions, I would make sure you can get them answered. Be restful and pain free.
Nel0 -
Afternoon Teri!! Just a quiet day for me as I am planning on driving down to my grand niece's second birthday tomorrow and then to the city on Tuesday to my grandson's fifteenth..........November and December are so busy with birthdays.
Sorry I didn't answer your question about my town but I will do so now. Where I live is a little historical town where all the old buildings are protected by our National Trust so the exteriors have to be maintained in their original condition. It was founded on copper mining and populated by the Welsh and Cornish miners and the homes that were built were of the style that they left, small, low ceiling stone cottages with iron roofs rather than thatch. I live in one such cottage that was later extended (original building 1845 the extension 1890) so I have two ceiling heights one the original low and the fashionable of the time of the extension, very high.
There are a few shops here but they can be very expensive so I usually drive to the next valley town which is 40km away to do my major shopping. That town is called Clare and is quite a large town as it is the centre of a wine growing area.
This is my cottage.
Hope your day is a pain free comfortable one.
Love n hugs. Chrissy0 -
lovely picture Chrissy! Years ago, I works in the valleys in South Wales, in a cottage hospital. The stonework of your house is exactly the same as the miners houses there!! It's the type of house I lived in while I was there.
Teri,
The weekend starts! I'm going to spend my day today decorating a traditional Christmas cake to take with me to the chemo room on Tuesday. I made one for the nurses last year and they're still talking about it! When I say traditional, i mean a traditional Irish Christmas cake. They don't have anything remotely like it here. Then tomorrow, my youngest DS has a fencing competition about 200kms away, so we'll be leaving the house at 6.30am. You can be sure I'll be watching out for Deuce on the way!
Have a good day,
Nicky0 -
Such pretty stone work! I love reading the posts on the dog/animal antics. I lived in Switzerland for 4 months (after high school) and just loved the old narrow winding streets and stone houses that were built in the 1600s! In particular I was smitten with their gorgeous doors! They were works of art! America just doesn't have the history and buildings that Europe does. The closest we can come to are the Colonial townhouses in old Philadelphia and Boston etc. They are lovely. (I am from Philly) Nicky your cake sounds yummy!
Well my PCP will tank me up with 2 unit tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a great day, pain free and doing something they love.
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Hi Terri I hope your keeping warm and enjoying all these wonderful funny dog story's.
Chrissy your cottage looks like the one's in our Devon town it's amazing how the designs travel
Nicky your cake sounds very tempting are you Irish ? or is it just the recipe.
Mara x0 -
good morning Teri!
It's 6.40am and I'm off to the competition so I'll be keeping a lookout!
Mara, yes, I'm Irish. Made my cakes back in October, and I've been 'feeding' them with whiskey once a week since then!!! The nurses think this is hilarious, there's no equivalent here in France. I haven't told them about my Christmas pudding that's loaded with whiskey and Guinness.....
Nicky0 -
cristina194- while it is really great to hear of new therapies or " better Onc group. Knowing when enough IS indeed enough is a different situation for all of us. Only a couple of days ago this supposed new medication is the "latest BC treatment". It turned out to be Arimedex that I was already on a long time ago and it failed. There will always be research going on for new treatment. I am at the point where I have been thru it all and now able to let go and not punish my body w/much more of the same. Anyone who determines this along w/their DRs is making a brave decision. Call me selfish but only I know what I have endured and still enduring. I am a retired RN and have also cared for hospice patients. It was the most rewarding work I ever did and this after coming from a background working with kidney transplants.
MD Anderson is indeed a very good cancer center but so are many more in this country and overseas so I am very pleased you have the care of physicians you trust.
Capriness_ I -have been offline for a while but pleased to see you are still telling us of all your new Deuce tales keep- em coming.
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Good morning, Teri! Just checking in from coastal California to let you know that Deuce the Red Nosed Goat has not been spotted here. I am thinking that a day of pjs snuggling under a blanket on the couch watching old movies is my plan for today. I hope you have a relaxing, pain free day!0 -
hi Teri! I haven't posted here yet, but I have read this entire thread. I have to say I was in a funk and thanks to you and these amazing ladies, I am just in awe. Thank you for bringing everyone together. I really love to imagine everyone sitting around together, drinking tea and laughing! The love and support here has blown me away. As to duece...I met a horse named duece. I'm told he's a really good jumper and he has a goat that hangs out with him in the stable...keeps him calm...hmm. Teri--I think you are incredibly brave. Thanks for trusting and sharing your thoughts. Wishing you a pain free day and night. Gentle hugs to you!0 -
Hello there from Eastern Long Island next to the stormy Atlantic! Thinking about you today.
Went down to the beach today to look for Deuce, no sign of any goats there. Not even some tracks in the wet sand. Headed back inland to my farm just before sundown, which is so early these days, again no sign, but there were foxes barking and screaming out behind the orchard. My DH rounded up the barn cat and we tucked her safely into the barn for the night. Foxes have the weirdest voices.
Came inside and my daughter's hedgehog was tucked up sound asleep, they are nocturnal. I can hear him starting to stir now that it's after 9pm. He does his best to hide in his cage, although he is not an escape artist. I can hear him digging as if he were making a new nest in the ground. He roots around underneath the thick bedding as if he were tunneling through leaf litter in a hedge row. Cute little guy.
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Our first snow is over. It melted, and the refroze so we have a nice sheet of ice. Since more snow is expected on Tuesday, I am considering hunkering down after collecting a few essentials tomorrow. Well and some stocking stuffers at the dollar store.
No pictures, but one of my four-legged housemates discovered my pill bottle tops. They have been batted around, with accompanying click-clack sound, all over the house. Hard wood floors do make a good pill-bottle-top surface.
*susan*0 -
Afternoon Teri!!!! Wow, what a day yesterday, long but wonderful! Up early, showered and set off for grand niece's birthday party........she turned 2! What a little cutie! Her YaYa (grandmother, my sister) gave her a dolly and pram and she promptly named it Halley.......that poor doll got dragged into and out of the pram for hours on end.......lol. I am so lucky as I also got to hold my newest four week old grand nephew for the longest time.......what bliss to feel that little body in my arms!!!!!
I also got to catch up with both my sisters as well as a good portion of their families.........I just love occasions like that!!
I am unfortunately paying the price for hanging onto the baby and playing with the birthday girl as my arm and shoulder are giving me hell........all I can say is thank goodness for pain pills!......lol.
Hoping your day has given you something to smile about and has been as pain free as possible.
Love n hugs. Chrissy0 -
Well...I haven't gone anywhere. I slept all day and I can assure you all that Duece is definitely not in my bedroom.
Keep searching...
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SuperFoob, you would KNOW if there was a goat in your bedroom. I have no doubt about that! *susan*0 -
I haven't seen Deuce over here, but he would look cute with this Santa hat!
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Hello Teri,
I also have been following and very much enjoying all the Deuce stories here. In late September my sister and I took a trip to see our Mom (we live in northern Canada now) and she lives in Tennessee. We flew into Lexington, KY and drove to her house 4 hrs away in TN. She told us about some goats that keep escaping down the road from her, and first thing I thought of was Deuce! I then looked for him from the Smokey Mountains back to the Bluegrass state of KY when we left, but sadly the wily beast was no where to be seen, but I thought of him!!!!
Hugs from Canada, Patti
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Love that camel in a Santa hat! Where did you find that! That hedge hog is SOOO cute! We saw one at the zoo and just loved petting it, such adorable faces. No goat sightings here. SuperFob- I hear you I slept most of Saturday. Sleep is great.
Take care everyone. May we be pain free, anxiety free and engaged in something we like. Teri the fog is something this morning isn't it?
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I have been keeping an eye out for that silly Deuce here in the bayous and swamps in Louisiana. Unfortunately though, no sightings.
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Teri,
Thinking of you this cold snowy day in Minnesota. It sure feels and looks festive and as long as I don't have to go outside in it, I could be a hermit until Spring. I hope you have some Christmas decorations and perhaps some music on to brighten your day. I watched for Deuce all the way from Vegas to Minneapolis but no luck...only on the buses I saw but they wouldn't stop to let me check. Stay warm and pain-free dear one.
Amy0 -
goodnight Terri from the rainy UK
I saw some Llamas in a field today very cute but their necks were too long to be deuce.
Stay wam
Hugs Mara x0 -
Oh I really want a hedgehog now! But then I'd have to find it a home now wouldn't I? That would be dumb. But he's sooo cute! Maybe I could rent one?
You guys fill my soul to the brim with love and tenderness. When you say it feels like we're all sitting around the fire chatting maybe having tea (I'm an American so "tea" is kind of a strange ritual to me) I feel so calm and peaceful.
Thank you! Here's to many pain free days. At least through the holidays.
Teri0 -
hi Teri, reporting in from New Zealand here. We have hedgehogs in our garden and one often used to come in the evening and eat with my cats. He just loved cat biscuits. The cats soon learnt to leave him alone.
I looked for Deuce on my walk today but no joy. I did see some Pukeko though. They are a flightless bird native to New Zealand. They are quite the comedians and I always smile when I see them. It's early summer here and there are still funny looking babies tearing around the park.
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thought of you today Teri as I was driving to my mom's house. She has had a rough time the last couple months--taking care of me, my dad, and both of her parents...it's a lot of stress. She is a hallmark freak! She has enough decorations to fill up the biltmore house! I decided to go help her decorate. We live in Western North Carolina and it was a beautiful day today. A true carolina blue sky with the sun shining through the car window, riding through the valley we live in, surrounded by mountains...it warmed my heart and gave me a lift. That's when I thought of you...wanted to send the love, warmth, and light your way.0 -
Shazzakelly - fabulous birds!
Teri - As you like animals, I thought I would post some pictures of the critters around here. This is what my DH found outside one summer. He had to move it while mowing the pasture. Hard to believe they are so small.
We also had a white squirrel. It was not an albino, but a squirrel with very little dark pigment
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