Time for hospice and Im really scared
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Sorry that it isn't working with having your mom with you. I do hope that there is someway to mend fences and agree to disagree. Glad that everything with the hospice seems to be moving forward - you need to be able to rest and relax without added stress.
((hugs)) and smiles
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Teri, glad to hear that hospice is finally coming out to get started helping you. I am so sorry that you and your mom are struggling, family dynamics can be so difficult. You don't need any added stress. Thinking of you and Duece. Sending gentle hugs.
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Your mother said what!?!?!? Memo to self: On the list of things not to say to an ill child, even if they are all grown up, put "bitch" at number one.
Granted, her heart must be aching, but still . . . .
You don't need the stress, do you?
Wish I could bring some cookies by, and sit in the stall with you while waiting for Deuce to drop in. How can we help you make this time better? Let us know, and by gum, we'll do it.
Jennifer
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It's time to follow Chele's advice. CHOCOLATE FOR BREAKFAST.
I know your Mom has to start distancing herself from you so it doesn't hurt as much, but she will regret this for the rest of her life.0 -
Just popping in to say hello and that I'm thinking about you. My mom came and lived with me during chemo so she could take care of my kids. It was really tough and she would never have called me a bad name. I think the dynamics when we grow older have just changed so much that it is hard to live with our parents as an adult! I'm very sorry that your relationship is tense right now, as I imagine that makes things even harder during an already difficult emotional time! If your doctor's office doesn't send something to work comp, can you get your claims adjuster to start making calls. I used to be a work comp claims adjuster in a former life and we would often call the doctors office directly to look for requests for authorization. Also, see if hospice will start making calls on your behalf too...squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that. I hope it all gets settled soon! I also hope that Deuce regains his confidence soon! Hugs!
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Oh Teri - I hate that things are so stressful for you right now - you need to be able to rest and have some peace - here's hoping your Mom has calmed down and apologized and that hospice has been for a visit. Sending more hugs and wishes for a peaceful time.
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Teri,
It's tempting to think that at the end of life, people will put their differences aside and transcend all the disagreement, disapproval, and conflict that is often part of life. What often happens is tensions escalate, old unresolved issues re-emerge, conflicts between value systems heighten, and new distressing emotions add another
layer to the already challenging situation. One of the assets of the hospice team should be a master's level counselor--whether social worker or other clinician with training--who is available to meet with you privately and together with your mother to help with communication, conflict resolution, and facilitating the best caregiver situation possible. Although your needs are primary right now, your Mother's needs also should be addressed by the hospice team. I wonder if she is experiencing fear and grief regarding the prospect of losing you and of your leaving this world without sharing her belief system, which can be very stressful to loved ones.
If you wish to remain at home through the end of your life and your mother is your only caregiver option, then I would suggest having a family meeting as soon as possible. If a home care arrangement is not going to work,
consider the option of in patient hospice, which not only would allow you the opportunity to receive care from people who are there for that role only but also would allow you and your mother to deal with any ongoing relationship challenges you might wish to address, outside of the caregiver/patient situation that sometimes presents its own share of challenges.
Whatever you choose, remember we continue to support you!
Holding hope for peace and comfort....0 -
Teri, I am glad hospice is meeting with you soon, and I echo the ideas above - they can help you AND your family deal with these end-of-life issues. I don't know what your relationship with your mother was like before this, but it is likely to be exacerbated right now. If it was a good relationship, her outburst may be a result of anger and grief at losing her daughter, and you were the closest target. I am hopeful she can see that - she may not apologize (my mom is not very good at apologizing for ANYTHING), but she MAY treat you with more love (my mom does this better now - she finally "gets it" that my cancer is very different from hers, that hers responded to chemo and she survived without major permanent adverse effects, and mine just didn't, and she finally understands that I really HAVE done all I could possibly do to fight this relentless disease - initially she just thought I should be getting MORE treatment, seeing MORE consultants, etc, but after spending a month with me this summer, she understands what my life is like, and she has been treating me with less judgment and more love) - and so I hope your mom and you can find at least some common ground of love to see you both through this very trying time.
That being said, we are all here for you! We are praying for the best for you. And my own philosophy: Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.
Sending love and hugs, and a little pat for Deuce if that wiley goat shows up soon!0 -
So sorry about your mum. Two women both trying to live together but not with the same values would be hard at anytime. Plus she's your mother and to her you are still her little girl.
Maybe in a quiet time agree to a list of topic not to be discussed cos neither on you would want this time to end in anger and fighting. That might help if she would agree to it and stick with it. Neither of you are going to change who you are at this point but you must love each other very much and that is what you want to focus on.
Sorry it that sounds preachy but not intended. Daughters and mothers; we arn't easy.
Moira
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Hospice meeting went fine. I'm all signed up and excited. They will send someone out to cut my toenails! (For those of you who can't breathe well, you know what this means.) They'll also groom and walk my dogs, as well as clean my cat box. Three things I have been neglecting badly. Things are looking up.
My mom and I are getting along again. She sat next to me last night and actually watched Modern Family even though there are them nasty gays in it! (My added sarcasm.) I thanked her for having an open mind and she said she really enjoyed the show. Huh. Imagine that.
Hopefully now things will settle down. Now there's just that Deuce-Goat to deal with. I haven't even been able to walk to the barn in 3 days. I'm going to tomorrow morning. At least that's my plan. My mom's going home tonight to water plants and such and will be back tomorrow afternoon so I get a little break. Ahhhh.
Teri
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Teri,
I'm glad to hear that things are going better. It sounds like Hospice will be such a gift! I'm glad you and your mom are gettig along again too. That's such an important relationship - at least for me it is. I hope you two can enjoy your time together as much as possible. Now if we could just get Deuce to get with the program... : )
Hugs, prayers, and love, Amy
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When will you be able to move into the hospice house? Do you get to take your dogs or cats? I can imagine they don't want Duece.
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Teri,
I hope you're enjoying the peace and quiet tonight! Hospice sounds wonderful, and imagine how nice it will be to have everything fresh and clean, without having to do the work. Yay! Having everything in order will help you relax. And I'm glad your Mom is trying. Now, Deuce-Goat better get on board!
xo
Rose.
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Teri so glad to here that things are moving on with Hospice and oh yeah! Those toe nails being cut for you!.......blissssss!!!!!!!!!!!........lol. Good to hear that they will give the fur babies a bit of pampering as well. Good luck with getting down to the goat shed, I do hope that Deuce-Goat is right there waiting for you.
Glad Mom and you have buried the hatchet so to speak, now is not the time for angst between you.
Love n hugs. Chrissy0 -
Teri, Thanks for the update about hospice and your mom. I'm very happy to hear that they are both moving in the right direction. It is good to hear that hospice will help out with your animals. It is something I had never thought about. I have 3 dogs now, and my cat died last year, so it is a pretty full animal house. I hope you are able to get out to your barn today for awhile.
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I found out yesterday that there is no inpatient hospice except for extreme pain control and as soon as the pain is under control you're sent back home.
I read a great book entitled Too Soon To Say Goodbye by Art Buckwald that is about his year-long stay in a hospice facility. So I assumed that all hospice programs had them. But the nurses that came out yesterday said there are none in Oregon so maybe it's a state-by-state thing.
I was really upset at first because I don't want my mother "changing my diapers" etc. But the nurses assured me that in most cases incontinence doesn't develop until maybe 1 or 2 days prior to death and I would most likely not care at that point. So I feel a little better about it.
Well, time to go goat huntin'. Wish me luck.
Teri
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Good luck with the goat hunting!
Sometimes I think that being in your own surrounding is better for you than inhouse hospice.......its somehow a little more comforting to be able to see and have your own things near.
Love n hugs. Chrissy
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How did the hunt go today Teri? I bet that little Deuce is enjoying this little game huh?
I do agree with Chrissy that home hospice may be more comfortable being in familiar surroundings. Also glad to hear that you and your mom are getting on a bit better. Have a good night.
((hugs)) and smiles.
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Any goat good luck? As for hospice, I don't think there is any state policy regarding delivery of services. It's probably just what's available in your region. My sister was in an in patient hospice and then improved enough to go home. When she declined again, she chose home based hospice as both were available in her area. Thinking of you.
Caryn0 -
Is Deuce home for dinner? I hope you got to see him at least! Thinking of you, Teri...
Rose.0 -
Teri, hope Deuce was waiting for you! If not, I guess you will get down there again in a few days. Have a lovely weekend!
Love n hugs. Chrissy0 -
I'm wishing you luck goat hunting -- although it's the middle of the night! I just couldn't sleep so I'm on the boards in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry that your plans are not working quite the way you thought they would. I don't know if we have the option for staying at hospice or not -- for me the decision has always been to stay at home.. The others have been kinder in trying to understand your mom and why she would call you a bitch. I don't have much wiggle room when it comes that particular word. It was cruel and selfish of her.
I just hope hospice will be a good mediator and give all of you some peace.0 -
Peaceful day and successful goat hunting
Be well
Nel
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Teri,
I think of you so often and hope that you're managing to find some joy in your day today.
I have a brother who thinks like your mom. He hasn't spoken to me for several years because I don't share his beliefs. Ostracism and criticism in the name of Christianity. Weird, right? I hope your mom is shaping up. What a terrible thing to say.
How can we best help you? Checking in, book recommendations? Take very good care of yourself today.
Sandy
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Hi Teri, just checking in to see how you are doing. Hoping that Deuce has finally given up and is in the goat shed.
Did your fur babies enjoy their pampering from the hospice? I'll bet they did......if they are used to being brushed they sure do miss it.
Always thinking a bout you and hoping you are having a good day.
Love n hugs. Chrissy0 -
Teri, just stopping by to say hello, hoping you are comfortable and free of pain.
Deuce just adds amusement to your posts, although I am sure it is much more stressful to YOU, and so I am reminding you to sit back and laugh at how outrageous this whole situation is for just a moment. Then get on with the goat-hunting .... I am sure it will be successful SOMETIME, maybe just not in the timeframe you want, more likely in the timeframe Deuce has decided!0 -
Teri, so glad that Hospice will be working with you now and I'm sure that it will be a huge relief for them to take over so many aspects of your care. But I'm terribly sorry about your situation with your mother. Hopefully with hospice, you can relax a bit and also keep contact with your mother on a more manageable (i.e. reduced) basis if that may help.
Sending very best wishes your way.
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Just want to checkin and send ((((((hugs))))). Also to thank you for sharing with us.
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Hope you have gotten your goat by now! Seems he has a sense of humor and independence. Glad hospice is working out for you and your Mom has calmed down. wishing you all the best. Keep us posted.
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Stopping by to say hi and hope your day has been one of peace and relaxation.
Love n hugs. Chrissy0
