Moving On......After the Flap
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This is a first for me.....losing one of our BCO friends. Is there a forum here where we could appropriately start a thread for our thoughts and memories of FierceBluebird? Someplace where people from all the threads she was active on could share and support each other and express our sympathy?
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bailey.....not the first for me, unfortunately.
I have seen threads that have the subject line like: "Fierce Blue Bird is an angel"........that seems to be the way the word is spread across the board to various threads. I will start that thread now for her, if no one else has already.
hugs to all.
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Ohmigosh thank you, Nihahi, I figured someone would know. Thank you for starting it. I don't know if I can post tonight. The thought of her as an angel started the tears again.
Holli she was 49. I'm not certain about the kids.
Gnite dear friends.
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My close friends and I have lost many family members to cancer in the past few years. The last time was in March when I lost my sister to fbc. So I should be used to this. But for some reason this smart, funny, spunky lady in New Jersey who I never met got to me and I desperately wanted her to win.
This really sucks. I hate FBC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Gwenny, I'm so sorry about your sister and your other losses. I wish I had more comforting things to say for us all.
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OMG-I am so sad right now.......my heart breaks for Kristine and her family....Why???? And my mother keeps on keeping on......there is no fairness OR justice.......
Do we know Kirstine's DH's name? I will putting a card in the mail, tomorrow. Her necklace will probably arrive next week......I hope she has a daughter.......maybe she will wear it, and think of her awesome, fierce, funny, sardonic Mom......
Fly free, Kristine...........you will be missed.
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All my love goes out to Kristine's family. Such a tragic loss to the world. She was a beautiful person and she touched all of us in a way that will keep her spirit alive forever, for which I am thankful.
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Movie, her family will know she is loved, that's for sure, with our gifts arriving in the mail, cards, etc. I have a card ready to send tomorrow, but I don't know the family members' names or how old her kids are.
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Did not expect FBB to succumb so soon, and that it was this serious. So sad for her family . . . she was a very special person. No more words here. RIP, our beautiful BB!
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I haven't posted in awhile but saw the post on FBB. I am sad and tearful and thought of you all. BC just sucks! Peace and hugs to you all.
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Like all of you, I was shocked and gasping by the suddenness of BlueBird's passing. She was kayaking on the 4th, and telling us that although she was in the hospital, she was soldiering on and would write more when she got home. Then...she was gone.
I know that we all have our own faith and belief about life and death and a higher power. My own faith lets me believe that God is in control and calls us home when the time is right. I don't understand why my 90-year-old mother, or Movie's mother, have been left here to struggle through extreme age and debility, while our beautiful BlueBird flew away, leaving a young husband and family grieving.
Nevertheless, although I am sad and shaken to the core, my belief is that she was gathered up to our Heavenly Father according to a plan that I can only see small glimpses of.
When I step into heaven, whether it's this afternoon or fifty years from now, my imagination has me wiping the sweat from my forehead and inquiring, "is it over?" And God will say, "no, my child, it has just begun."
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Bosum......hugs going out to you. Why isn't this the time or the place??? Sharing our memories, fears, tears, and smiles is what brings us together, while we sit on the "raft" together. I don't think it disrespects her, if that is your thought. I think Kristine would want you to feel your connection to her strengthens your connection to us....not splinter you away. Life doesn't always make things easy to understand. Kristine passed away on July 22. That "date" is the same as the date I buried my mother, several years ago. My tears are for both Kristine and for my mom. July 22 is also the birthday of Morningsun and myself......just goes to show that each day contains happiness and sadness....we have to chose what to "participate in". Some days are just much harder than others.
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There is a ball of cotton in my throat...
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I'm sitting here in tears, myself.
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Me too, beautiful, comforting words, Nihahi.
And completely understandable and just fine words, Bosumblues.....nobody is going to judge your grief here. Stay with us.
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I met Bluebird on the Triple Negative board, she and I share the same diagnosis and she reached out to me, as was her way, her gift. I share your grief, your sadness.
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I was friends with Kristine on her Bluebird Acres Facebook page. I found her husband Steve's message very comforting. It seems fitting to share that with you all, so I have copied it for you to paste here. I will also put it on her tribute page.
Bluebird Acres
From Kris' immediate family: Steve ( i'm not Facebook savy but Brie got me here ), Brie and Brett -
Thank you all for your support and your companionship with Krissy.
She loves all her family, friends and acquaintances.
Though she fought a long, brave war with cancer and lost this ( relatively brief) battle her spirit cannot be vanquished as long as we remember her.0 -
BB, it's not disrespectful or selfish at all. As her friends and "comrades in arms" battling this wretched disease, our grief over FBB's loss is made even more poignant by the fact that all of us were diagnosed with what took her life. I bet we're all frightened and have spent some time in that dark place--I know I am, and I have.
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I am grateful I have a place to turn to, with others who mourn the passing of Kristine......I appreciate all of your wise and thoughtful words......our life raft is full today..........I sent out a card this morning to Steve.....the necklace will be arriving sometime next week.....I said we would be honored if their daughter chose to keep it, as a memento from women the world over, who loved her mother.....got to go find the kleenex box...can't stop crying.
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Thanks, Meadow, and Sharon. Sbel, your words are a comfort. BosomBlues, we are all grieving in our own way. Your feelings are perfectly legitimate. One of the things I love about this thread is that we can be honest and trust that we will be accepted. This is true for you. You are thoughtful to not want to bring anyone "down" but don't worry about it. You have been through a lot and the fact that your medical care was so close to Kristine's makes this more shocking for you, of course. As Sbel says, we all go to that "dark place" sometimes, especially after this. You are seeking to take care of yourself and that is important. Tears are good. After a little time passes, I am going to once again "Punch Fear in the Face," something I read recently. I am not a violent person at all and I never swore before FBC, but we all do what helps us through. Having said that, I am sending love and a warm hug to each of you, my dear sisters.
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My love and warm hugs are added to yours, Jeannie!
For me, the image of us all supporting FBB on a life raft while she rested is a good one. It's cold in deep water, and the waves can splash over our heads. Wrapping our arms around each other keeps us all warm and afloat.
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BB -- What brought us together has taken FBB's life. I think its impossible not to link mourning the loss of her without also considering our own mortality. When I was first diagnosed, a friend introduced me to someone in my city who had breast cancer. She was treated at the same hospital, and by the same surgeon. Her husband had just retired from where I work. It seemed like we were meant to meet. She was a lovely, kind person and we immediately connected. We visited and emailed often. She had also been diagnosed with mets 6 months before we met. In February of this year, she passed away. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She was the first person I had met since being diagnosed that passed away from breast cancer. I still tear up thinking about her.
I remember reading FBB saying that she had a complete pathological response to chemo -- so why then just a year later is she gone. I find the randomness of this disease is very difficult to take. I remember thinking during my diagnosis, it just all seemed to be the luck of the draw -- size, spread, hormone receptors, margins, oncotype, etc, etc, etc.
So stay here and share your thoughts when you are ready -- I doubt that any of them are not ones that some of us are also thinking.
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BB- I agree with all the other responses. To tell you the truth ... I thought (am thinking) those same thoughts as you. I just wasn't brave enough to put it into words. Thank you for putting into words what many of us probably feel.
I'm feel so empty. Again, I was gone for a while to the chemo/rad thread... But I remember FBB from my time on the DIEP board. I hate that you feel like you've won and then find out the fight isn't over. On her Facebook she mentioned that 2013 was the fighting year but that 2014 she was going to get back to enjoying life. The kayak picture looks like she was able to.
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Sadly, I have known too many women who have passed away from this disease, both young and old. It was a hard thing to watch my grandma die a slow death----she didn't seek treatment! But I also know so many who haven't died, like my mom, and right now that includes all of us here! I share Sbel's faith and that helps tremendously. I am not at the place of my good friend who has incurable lymphoma, though, who says she's ready to go to heaven today, even though she is doing very well. As her dad says, "I'll wait for the next bus!" Each day is a gift, that's for sure. Sbel, I like the raft idea....but not sure I want to get my hair wet! Jk
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Ridley, my sympathies to you in the loss of your friend.
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Just some random thoughts here....I have to go to a funeral (seriously) so I don't have a lot of time, but the reason we are here on breastcancer.org is obviously because of cancer. You can hash it up any way you want into various treatments and diagnosis and ages and stages and specialized discussion groups, but the root cause remains the same. We are all fighting cancer. And even when it's gone from your body you still fight cancer.
I went through my cancer treatment as a "lurker" here at bc.org. I didn't want and didn't think I needed a group. I'm not a joiner. And it wasn't until shortly before my diep that I said a word. But I found my tribe on diep 2013.....and on Movin' On. I love the support and being a support. I love my friends here like any of my friends in the flesh.
And my days aren't filled with the full time job that treatment and recon can be.....but I know cancer will never leave me. It is part of my life now. You don't get to go back. But I work really hard at living well with it. I work really hard at living the cancer free days well and so if the bastard does show up again I have no regrets.
I work really hard at making sure cancer never occurs on my spirit or on my soul. It's hard work, especially at times like this, but for me it's necessary.
Gotta run, love you all, thank you for being my tribe.
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Yes, BB, as many have said, we share in your thoughts regarding our own mortality. You had an even closer tie to Kristine than most of the rest of us. Thank you to the ladies that are so good at putting thoughts into words. My husband thinks I can't cry anymore since I found Effexor. It isn't true when something is truly sad. Losing a friend is truly sad. Bailey, as you said, Kristine is my first bco friend that has died. My faith also lets me believe that we will be reunited some day. Nihahi, I will look for your thread. Thanks for just being there ladies!
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ladies, I hope it's an appropriate time to ask a question. In the midst of sadness, I was going to wait to ask but I'm hurting and was hoping one of you would have some advice. I had phase2a on Tuesday. Two abdominal binders on. They hurt. Any suggestions on how to make them more comfortable?
Thank you
Holli
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holli - this is def the time and place. Have you considered wearing a thin tank under the binders? Or do they hurt because of the tightness? You are probably still swollen and they may be more comfy in a day or two. Just move slowly and gently.
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