Stupid comments ....
Comments
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Kay, the monopoly $$ is the perfect finishing touch - thanks for a great laugh.
Beachbum, I get my kicks by coming up with surprising, somewhat old-fashioned ways of expressing the same thing. It throws people off, which I enjoy. My sister and I are very lady-like (verbally) but that doesn't mean we're mealy mouthed.
(I will, however, sometimes write "F...K cancer" or "Screw Cancer". It usually shocks my friends, most of whom don't know about my dx.)
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Morwenna: swear all you want! I too have potty mouth. the F word falls out of my mouth constantly.MsP: I LOVE that you call the dicktors by their first names. That is awesome. I really must remember that.
Nurseshark: That HR person needs a junk punch. How the hell are you supposed to take care of patients when you feel like crap? I don't think so. 12 hour shifts SUCK.
kayb: Loving the rotten fruit and Monopoly money idea! Dear "Larry",, once upon a time, you were probably a nice little boy. WTF happened??
We are learning many new words. How educational is this forum!!
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OMG Kayb, that's fantastic, I'd chip in, to send that basket!
"Hey Diktor, I think you misread Hippocratic, for Hypocrite"
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Yay Glennie, I agree, Nurseshark, I'd like to see Ms Human Resources doing your shifts for a while, even without the rads and no major chest surgery, I bet she'd fail. Hitting forehead with heel of hand at her stupidity and calousness!
I am constantly amazed, that it is actually other women, who are saying these ridiculous things to us. I have mentioned before, my ex co worker who had ,had the same Dx and a Mx 3 years before me, she asked me what kind of recon I was having, when I said I had decided not to have recon, she spat back at me " Oh ! How can you bear to look at yourself!" Really???? WTF, I still just shake my head, at that one.
I didn't have a smart retort for her, but for the record, I actually have become very accustomed to my scars and I don't mind them at all, they are all, just the road maps of my life.
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The day after my first chemo treatment, I had some friends come over to commiserate with me. These are people I went to high school with (I'll be 48 soon) and one of them I have not heard from since. I know she asks how I'm doing through mutual friends but she has not reached out to me at all since then.
At work, I walked past a man (that I don't know) who was outside on a smoke break who asked me "what's your prognosis?" I gave him dead eyes and said "probably better than yours".
Also, my hairdresser bought a wig for me and offered to have me come in so she could style it for me. I thought this was a wonderful gesture and was really excited about having it done. At the time I went to see her, I was retaining quite a lot of fluid and rather puffy looking. Before I even sat in the chair she commented on how I didn't seem to be having a problem keeping my weight up.
Also, the "you look good!", "how do you feel?", and when it started growing out after chemo, "you look great with short hair!", "are you going to keep your hair short?" My hair is about 1/2 inch long. I'm just glad it's growing, not concerned yet about how long I might let it get.
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M: I agree,, what is it with these women saying these crazy things?? One day, they may be in our shoes,,, or MX bra!
Gingercake: Good for you giving him the dead eyes and smart retort!!
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When I went to get my plates for my new car I had to present my drivers license. She looked at it and asked me if I had changed my hair. I said sure did it all fell off when I started chemo. Sorry it doesn't match my picture! I felt like a criminal with a fake ID. I haven't tried that since high school!
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When I went to get my plates for my new car I had to present my drivers license. She looked at it and asked me if I had changed my hair. I said sure did it all fell off when I started chemo. Sorry it doesn't match my picture! I felt like a criminal with a fake ID. I haven't tried that since high school!
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Forgive me if I have already posted this here.
I was in a local clothing boutique a few months ago and there was a woman in the change room area with me and we were both looking in the large mirror. This woman is pulling at the top she had tried on trying to flatten her, fairly average, size boobs, but she was whining about how much she hates these boobs, they are always in the way, etc etc.It wasn't till she said "I wish I could just cut them off and be done with it!" That I even really took any notice. Still facing her in the mirror, I pulled the right side of my clothes down and said "What like this?" OMG, the reaction was priceless, then she went into apology overdrive and I told her it was OK, I really did, just do that, for the comedy value, but she should be careful what she wishes for!
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kayb- love the addition to the rotten fruit basket. Monopoly money with questions like does making fragile women cry make his dick feel bigger just like Pinocchio's lying?
I laughed out loud literally....reading your other monopoly money questions. My dog keeps looking at me funny. But I think he's glad I'm laughing. I'm glad I'm laughing too!
And Gingercake- it's very sad how people you thought cared about you, loved you even, just slink off after your dx. It's happened to me. In some cases it was easier than in others to say "good riddance. I thought I knew you". But the truth is, sometimes it just continues to hurt. Why wouldn't someone I know for 30 years, someone who has called me sister by choice, find a way to deal with it? I don't have the answer. I just know some people can't. And it's sad.
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Am I the only naive one. I had to google both junk pump & pimp slap. DH says I'm "pop-culture illiterate". Probably true. I have no idea who any of those people in People magazine(in doctor's offices") are.
Nurseshark-I recieved similar bullshit from HR at the hospital I work at as a RN. What I found was that when I drove over & talked to them in person, they were less severe & actually helpful. They didn't really mean that I had to come back immediately or lose the job I worked at for 20+ years(like the registered letter they sent me said). It's just too easy for them to forget they are dealing with real people in letters & over the phone. Hope everything works out for you.
I probably shouldn't be posting. I'm still slightly gorked from anesthesia. Had the hysteroscopy/D&C/polypectomy thingy today. I think my post is coherent enough.
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and Ariom- it's official. You are my hero for pulling your top down and teaching that little missy a lesson! I guess we all need to watch what we say (except here, of course, where we have freedom without filters). It is a shame that such s high % of all this stupid stuff comes from other women. I suppose if I had better recall, and a much better reason to do so, I could come up with hundreds of stupid comments and insensitive moments committed by yours truly. But I am learning.
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rg--glad you are feeling better. Keep resting! Thanks for starting this thread. There is one on the stage 4 forum, but it's been quiet for a while...but yet the stupid comments continue to flow.
I want in on the rotten fruit basket, Monopoly money comments, and the personal delivery to give a double junk punch! Holy shit that diktor is incredible! I am one of those people who really, really want to have a fast, whitty, smart ass response...unfortunilty I am the one who just smiles and then stews over what I should have said for the next 10 waking hours! I will work on my monopoly saying and get back to you.
Thank you ladies for posting.
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Today I met with my MO for a surprise farewell. I've always had a weird relationship with her. So I drive three hours to get my second to last Herceptin infusion and, as usual, first saw my MO's NP who is simply amazingly good. I had my usual list of questions, culled and refined by the collective wisdom of my BCO sisters. One thing I am confused about is why I seemingly have three different DXs. The guy who did my biospy told me I had IBC. But the path report based on his biospy DXed me with IDC. I live in a tiny town so set up Emory as my treatment center. The first thing Emory did was a rereading of my biospy slides. They confirmed IBC. I was NED when I had my MX and ALND so there was no new info from that. My treatment protocol was for IBC, but my most recent paperwork says malignant melanoma; unspecified. Both the NP and I thought asking for clarification was reasonable. In comes my MO with that question and others I had written out and says, "I'm leaving here in two weeks to enter private practice and I think the best way to have your questions answered is for you to have a survivorship meeting. I've scheduled one for July and one in six months with your new MO."
I freaked out. This foolish bitch expected me to say fine, I'll wait till July to meet with a NP whom I've never seen and sure, I'm cool with having no MO as I finish treatment. Wrong, oh stupid doc. Er, we had words (I'd rather have slapped her) which ended with me telling her to sod off. I'm supposed to wait on decisions like removing my port, monitoring my use of Anastrozole, among other stuff? This was the most egregious display of a doc's indifference I've ever experienced. I'm outraged and feel abandoned -- my hero, my RO is off procreatimg and now WTF am I to do? Why would I want a NP who has never seen me handle my treatment? And have no MO for half a year? Get a clue, doc, you're an idiot. I can't meet my new MO because she too is off procreating (it must be contagious). I'm in shock, furious, and just feel totally lost.
The only good bit was that my MO didn't know what sod off means -- it's the Brit version of fuck off. Well, I also loved my DP for saying "don't let the door hit your ass on your way out."
Can I contract a pimp slapping? Does anyone have any useful advice because I sorely need some.
arrrgh
bride
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Another candidate for a rotten fruit basket, methinks! Is the good NP leaving as well then?
Shame! I don't have any useful advice, but totally understand you feeling abandoned!
I was surprised by the use of the phrase s*d off! (Please note my use of appropriate asterisks
), as its not something I've heard this side of the pond! I can understand your not wanting to delay 6 months for a decision on your port. I was very pleased when my MO told me mine could come out....
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Morwenna,
Thank you. I finally got to laugh. The good NP is staying but, by law, has very little power. I'd give her the good fruit any day. What got me laughing was the thought of handing my MO a mass of rotten bananas.
RE: sod off, I was a historian specializing in the Victorian era and spent enough time in the UK to have a perfect middle of the ocean accent.
bride
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You know where he can stick the $20! What a first class dickhead.
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Well said Meow!
I love that term, Bride, I am a Scot living in Australia, we use it a lot here too.
What planet are these Diktors on? who in their right mind, suggests that as a workable and fair plan?
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Kayb, I sincerely hope you are planning a REAL rotten fruit basket, with REAL monopoly $20 bills. It is just too good. And then I think you should take a picture of it, post it on Twitter or Instragram or whereever, with his name clearly on it, and I believe it will then go 'viral'!
Bride, no advice, just hugs. Well, here's some advice that may not be possible: can you just totally switch practices? Find one where everyone is not pregnant? Yikes. The whole thing is just galling.
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bobo, I thought of you the other day while shopping! I read on a thread somewhere that one of your New Year's resolutions was to "look better in lounge wear" and I loved that! I am trying to do the same....channeling Bobo....
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Bride. Your MO is outrageous. As a Brit, I agree she should sod off. To me this definitely doesn't need asterisks, it's a good old saying not quite a naughty swear word. Old fruit baskets and pimp/junk punches/slaps deserved. I hope you get a new one soon. You need and deserve answers to your questions. My surgeon said that IBC a is diagnosed clinically - I just see it as IDC going a bit off plan and not forming a lump. Mine did once chemo started. But you do need your 3 Dx's clarified. What is it with doctors, my MO is out on maternity leave (I'm seeing a stand-in today) and my PS is heading out on mat leave in a few months and I'm trying to get scheduled for recon before she goes. Sarah (edited for typos)
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Birde,
Pimp Slap was a term from my old neighborhood which I have used always.
You MD is an idiot. She apparently has already left the practice and left her patients.
How easy will it be for you to find a new ONC?
My other expression when people are stupid on the phone is " don't make me come over there" Thats gets their attention too.
Sending you the best possible
RG
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Just for the record I can swear in 3 languages well and practicing the 4th.
Comes in handy.
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Bride, I can't imagine that your oncologist would be fine with her own mother or sister waiting 6 months for an explanation of her diagnosis or port removal discussion... Is there another practice that you can switch to? Does your Good NP have any advice?
I too love the image of insincere oncologists receiving baskets of rotten fruit - complete with fruit flies.
This thread makes me smile. Thanks to all.
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Bride, I'm so sorry that your MO is leaving you hanging like this. When my MO left, he referred me to two other local MOs so that I could continue care. I hope you find someone else quickly. No need to carry that port around all summer!
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My best friend cried every time she saw me for the first few months after my diagnosis. At one point after crying, she turned to me and said, "We're going to be OK." We have moved beyond that phase - I think that she really will be OK.
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Hey all,I haven't commented for a while but have been reading everyone's comments while smiling and laughing. When I began treatment, my best friend in the whole world told me that she was worried she was going to say the wrong thing. I thought "OMG, I'm THAT person. The one everyone is afraid to say something around?". I know in my past I have said the wrong thing, so although I've heard some real doozies and I am not impressed at the time, I shrug it off. The important thing is that they stick around. The friends and family that are there with you throughout treatment are the real keepers, no matter what they say or don't say. The one I am most upset with is a friend of 20 years who I have been with through two of her "accidental" pregnancies, her single motherhood, her father's death, breakups, etc. When I got cancer, she disappeared (even had someone else drop off a card & flowers). She never came over until I was finished all tx...told me she was giving me space WTF? Nevertheless, I have made some new very close friends with people that I didn't know very well at all that showed up for me when I was sick. Anyways, thanks for the laughs. You are all amazing women and you all "look so good with short hair" (LOL).
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CanuckMom
I loved your post and it is very on spot. I too had lifelong friends go missing in action. They resurfaced when all was better. I wonder if I should call them if the path report comes back malignant. I sort of think I wont.
My husband said on day one " baby I know that I will say or do something stupid along the way. So forgive me now" Theres alot more to the talk that day but I loved it that he knew that its impossible to get it right all the time.
I too found and made friends that are amazing.
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daisylover
I can see it clearly. You recovering while patting her on the back and reassuring her that she will be ok. Too funny. Perhaps she needed get well cards.
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Canuck Mom, Daisygirl, and Raidergirl-
Beautifully said. I cannot add to it, instead, I applaud
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