Stupid comments ....
Comments
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Hi RaiderGirl, good to know that you went to work, a little normal goes a long way! I guess we all have to look at ourselves and know that we are never the same when BC touches our lives. We are still the same person, but there can be a fair amount of damage left behind. I am so sorry that the nurse was so insensitive to your concern. That was not the time for her to say anything, something positive would have been so much better. Our clothing is important to us!
I hope that you receive excellent news. And feel better soon.
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bobogirl, you are amazing to teach us 4 most powerful words.
MsP
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When I was dx with BC, I happened to watch price is right on BC awareness day and one lady was wearing a tee shirt that said "yes they are fake, the real ones tried to kill me" which for some reason struck me as funny. I don't know if I could wear the shirt but I like the statement! It's easy to say "who needs them" when you have the choice of keeping them.
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kayb....you don't need to be a better person....you already are!
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Kayb, I agree with our MsP. Instead of trying to make yourself a better person, could you please make my mother a better person?
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We all seem to suffer from stupid comments, not sure about you, but the only "silver" I see is needles and scalpels. I keep trying to find the silver lining though! I just hope the stupid people don't really mean that I am still here. If that is it, I'm in trouble! Or maybe they believe in an eye for an eye, truthfully I am almost out of parts to trade..............
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Becs511
Oh no she didn't!
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" ... Sadly we cannot fix stupid, we can only reload! ..."
How. Beautiful. Is. That. So stealin' it.
And, I suppose, we can all relate to the "well-meaning" advice that we were deluged with once we were diagnosed? One beauty was "... I hope you're not planning on having chemo 'cause that stuff will kill you faster than the cancer will ... " I'm still floundering with that one.No, there's no cure for sizzlin' stupid.
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Bobogirl
I been thinking why this scar (which is so much less than the others) has effected me. I think its because I don't see where ends. Perhaps you can relate.
I see a long series of biopsies and tests until I eventually die.
Really I ought not to post when I am feeling so foul.
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Selenawolf,
I want that on a t-shirt.
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Raidergirl:
That is a thoughtful explanation for why you are upset about that particular scar. BMX was inevitable for me -- I hope it has put an end to most of the biopsies.
{{{Raidergirl}}}
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This exchange between myself and the (male) shrink at the cancer center might prove illuminating:
Shrink: So. You still cannot look in the mirror.
Me: I would rather not.
Shrink: But you should. You should practice doing it. You should make yourself look everyday for a prescribed number of minutes. Then, you should build the amount of time you spend looking each day.
Me: Go fuck yourself.
END SCENE
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bobogirl... BRILLIANT.
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Bobogirl, OMG, I laughed out loud, you are a riot!!
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RG - I hope your intuitive dx is 100% accurate.
I am sorry about the scar and I do think you have a right to feel sad about it. No one likes having visible changes forced on them, especially ones we can't help seeing every time we look in the mirror. So yes, do mourn it, do come here to vent and let it out - and do talk with your doctor about it, too. Maybe not right away, but before too long. I think surgeons need to be reminded that placement - and a clear understanding of what it will be - does matter. No matter how lovely and precise their handiwork, we don't want to admire it daily.
Additionally, I'd call the hospital (maybe the patient advocate?) and discuss the nurse's remark. Professionals do lose their sensitivity to patients' concerns and they occasionally need re-education. You would be doing others a favor by making that call.
In the meantime, heal up and take care of yourself. Thanks for checking in.
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Excellent advice from Hopeful! Especially agree about following up regarding that nurse.
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OMG LOL - you Ladies make my day! Post as much as you can, come here to scream and shout, let it all out. We all get it, and we probably have already said the same things. But to get a laugh, a smile priceless! I am still laughing.
bobogirl - next time you could answer with a junk punch?? WTH? Look in the mirror? I only do to put on deodorant since my armpit is numb and it has moved. I just wonder how I am supposed to shave my armpit that is now partly on my arm and the other part is sliding down my side. Crazy for sure.
Have a great evening!!
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OMG! My armpits have moved too! I am like, WTF?
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Oh thank goodness, I thought I was crazy when I tried to shave and put deodorant on. A little here, a little there. WTH! is right!
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Yes, and where? ??? am I supposed to put the deodorant exactly?
People do not know what we deal with. I swear, if Ms P were to give me a junk punch, she would not know exactly where to put it.
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LOL!
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RaiderGirl - hang in there! Sending good thoughts your way!
Thanks for this thread - I can relate to many of the comments. Even if I don't actually "junk punch" someone, you can bet I'll be thinking about it the next time I hear a stupid comment and I will be able to walk away with a smile on my face!
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I get the relocated armpits too ...... I'm using my electric shaver now, as I could probably cut my arm off and not notice ... and a mirror, ... or taking my glasses so I can focus there, and turn slightly toward the window so the hairs are silhouetted ..... sigh.
The thing about where to put deodorant stumps me too. In my left armpit at least half my hair follicle and sweat glands were wiped out by the radiation, so my right gets smelly when my left does not! (TMI???)
Other thing ... just having had flaps from my abdomen .... I found what was distinctly a PUBIC HAIR growing halfway down the outside of my left "breast", and another underneath..... Now I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry!
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Morwenna, not only have I had the pubic hair experience with my DIEP flap...the stretch marks on my "breast" are abdominal stretch marks from my twin pregnancy. Now they go diagonally, though, instead of north and south.
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what a great thread. I have been transfixed, saddened, and amused, thankfully. Hummingbirdlover, i actually was feeling very sarcastic one day and had a couple of t shirts made that say. Yes. Fake. My real ones tried to kill me. The fabulous radiologist who did my initial follow up ultrasound, then the guided needle biopsy told me about one she had seen. After my double double, i went back to the hospital to thank her and the tech who took such good job taking care of me at such a very difficult time. We had a good, but bittersweet laugh
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ugh. So sorry about the deodorant issues and errant pubic hairs and stretch marks. I cannot look much at my body still either, after months. I had reconciled myself to a flat chest like a boy. Instead, I feel I am quite disfigured from excess tissue. He warned me about dog ears under the arms. Which I never see. But failed to mention to the little pouchy "mini boobs" of excess tissuean inch apart from the center of my chest. Which I see every time I look in the mirror. Quite awful. And that at which is not numb still feels like a body cast made from barbed wire.
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Hummingbird, I love that shirt!!!! I almost bought it, but instead bought one that says "survivor" across the front of it.
SelenaWolf, after I told my mother I had BC and would be doing chemo and radiation, she told me "I would rather you didn't do chemo and radiation, that is putting poison in your body", so I can relate to that comment.
Bobogirl, my MO wants me to do a "survivorship" appointment. I have basically told them that I am not doing it, because I know what I have survived and didn't need anybody telling me what I have been through. I am going to borrow your GFY statement, if you don't mind, next time they tell me it is required.
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Nomatterwhat - did your Mother have another treatment in mind? Like we all want to do chemo and rads! And who doesn't want a mastectomy? WTH! And a survivorship appointment? More like one last co-pay. Grrr!
For anyone interested in the Fight Like A Girl merchandise - it is based in Westlake, Ohio. I stopped in when I saw the sign to see what it was all about. They have nice quality tees, hoodies, mugs, etc. They are online. But I actually was at the plaza because the Pepperidge Farm Outlet store is there. Cookies and Goldfish!! I love that place.
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Nomatterwhat - did your Mother have another treatment in mind? Like we all want to do chemo and rads! And who doesn't want a mastectomy? WTH! And a survivorship appointment? More like one last co-pay. Grrr!
For anyone interested in the Fight Like A Girl merchandise - it is based in Westlake, Ohio. I stopped in when I saw the sign to see what it was all about. They have nice quality tees, hoodies, mugs, etc. They are online. But I actually was at the plaza because the Pepperidge Farm Outlet store is there. Cookies and Goldfish!! I love that place.
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LAstar and bobogirl,
Sorry for not getting back here sooner -- I had to have some dental surgery (gotta love those chemo SE) and the lovely pain meds turned me into an incoherent mess.
LAstar, Marcia Ball is amazing. Course finding another fan of hers on BCO is sweet. Music is my avocation, who else do you enjoy? My DP and I will happily drive 3-400 miles for a concert. We've got Fleetwood Mac, Joan Armatrading, and Bette Midler over the next 8 weeks. Yippee!
Bobogirl, I was a history prof for 30 odd years. The lower level classes would be through their first exams and the upper level kids would be submitting paper topics. And just for kicks, one of my grad students would be in crisis. Actually, I loved the academy and still vaguely miss it. What do you teach? Are you surviving the grading?
bride
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