Stupid comments ....
Comments
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Jackbirdie, I had a UMX on the left side and lived that way for a year before I did recon. My scar was hideous. There was nothing about my chest that was smooth or flat on that side. It was lumpy, bunchy, had divots and pouches and something that looked like a flesh-colored mouse sticking out the front side. Ugh.
Since I was going for recon, I just lived with it, but if my plans were to go flat, I would have insisted it be fixed. It's possible for a plastic surgeon to remove all the unsightly extra skin and leave a smoother profile. In fact, my mom had it done, twice. She wanted to be flat, so they gave her flat, not bulgy and lumpy.
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My MX scar is fine but my chest wall keeps changing so that some days I have various lumps and other days I have caved in areas. It has been over 6 months since my surgery. I'll be seeing my SO in about a week and my CLT told me to ask for orders for scar relief (whatever that is). My CLT says exercise and massage can make a big difference. Anybody had success with this? It's not a question of extra skin, just loss of tissue. Thanks,
bride
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bride, I haven't seen as many shows since my daughter was born, but I try to catch a few concerts. In the last few years I've seen Gillian Welch & David Rawlings, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, & Alabama Shakes. I sing Turkish and Middle Eastern music and just joined a reggae band as a back-up singer. Music has always been a big part of my life, and one of my goals for post-BC is to enjoy it more often and get out and support more local musicians. I love your vagabond spirit! I caught a lot of Grateful Dead shows in my 20s and loved concert road trips!
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Loving reading this thread! Hey Bobogirl, you're a badass!
Bride, I massaged every day with essential oils in a carrier oil base and used Scar FX strips for minimizing the scar,every night. I saw a massage therapist who did myofascial release on my chest. It all worked wonders for me. I also exercised to build my pec muscle up so my deep concave didn't show too much, under my bra or camisole. I also had a revision surgery, over a year after my Umx, to remove a "Dog Ear" which was driving me mad with the tingling and zapping from cut nerves inside it. It looked like a fleshy shelf under my arm, every time I sat down and relaxed. Yuck! I did the same routine for that scar and it is so fine now, you can barely see it.
Sbelizabeth, you made me laugh out loud with your description of the "Flesh Colored Mouse".
On the topic of Stupid Comments...... I had a friend, who asked to see my total scar, which is now over 13 inches long and curves up around my back. It was soon after my revision and I was pleased as punch with the result, well you know what I mean, much better than the damn Dog Ear, and she says "OMG, Moira, it looks like they tried to cut you in half!" Me: Speechless!
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LAstar,
We have to talk!
I've seen Gillian and Dave a couple of times, drove 400 miles to see Brittany Howard and the Alabama Shakes. Have you heard their new cut from the forthcoming CD? I'm a bit disappointed -- they've tamed way down. First time I heard Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings they killed the audience for Cyndi Lauper, saw them again last year. I was never a Deadhead but did see Janis Joplin bust an empty bottle on some guy's head who had jumped onto her stage...that was pretty memorable. I'd love to hear about your singing. Well, hear your singing, too.And actually, the interaction between artist and audience has always fascinated me, I've spoken to a few artists about it, but you've an unique point of view as both an artist and, like me, a music lover.
bride
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Oy, bride! Janis live? I'm so jealous! I see you live in GA. I spent my first 24 years in Alabama then moved to Oregon. I thought Alabama Shakes killed it in SNL this weekend! Maybe we should PM so as not to divert this awesome thread.
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I hate the scars too.the side under armpit looks like a seam that was sewn with the tension messed up. It is puckered like. My plastic surgeon says you don't see it but it bothers me isn't that what matters how I feel.
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Hi Meow, I have a mastectomy and I am waiting for recon. It was supposed to be done as immediate, but there were issues so the PS closed without it. So now I have a scar that looks like a roadmap. Some goes across, some goes down, and the rest sticks up. And I have a pit left in the underarm. Try to hide that hot mess, maybe a turtleneck? When I went for my BS check up, she said "that is looking good"! Huh? It would maybe look good if it was a new boob. And that really, really matters to me. Physically BC is a nightmare, mentally it is exhausting!
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Meow, gotta love a PS who says, Don't worry, you don't see it. ??? Is that what you pay a PS for? **junk punch*
'Survivorship appointment'? That is not going to happen. Nomatterwhat, I wouldn't give a reply of GFY to someone who called to set up that appointment. It isn't quite appropriate. I think the complementary response to 'We're calling to set up your survivorship appointment' would be something more like 'Eat me.'
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How about, "I survived. I don't need an appointment to tell me that".
Leah
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Leah is classier than I am!
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I had a lumpectomy and a SND. You can't see my breast scar, but - in summer clothing - you can, sometimes, see the scar from the SNB. It's never really bothered me; I have scars elsewhere from various sports injuries and the like, so I just forget about it. It's pretty small scar in comparison to the one on my breast. Until my sister had a fit one day at a family barbeque. It was blisteringly hot and I had on a cool, sleeveless cotton sundress. She came rushing at me and hissed, "... you'll have to cover up, I can see your scar!!!"
I'm like, what?!?
She hissed louder, "Your SCAR. You have to cover it up."
I'm like, why?
"Because it will upset people."
Really?!?
Now, remember what I said earlier about losing my mouth filter? Yeah.
So, says me. "Hey! Everybody! Does my scar upset people?"
[Blank looks from family.]
"Thank you very much, Do carry on."
My husband choked. Then sputtered. Cleared his throat a few times. Then said, "aw, hell" and cracked up.
Yes, losing my mouth filter has been wonderfully freeing.
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Selena, you are a bad-ass!
Ms.P, I would like to order a junk punch for Selena's sister.
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Ariom
There is proof once again that people have no idea what bc really looks like and then reality punches them in the face.
I'm glad you feel better with the scar revision.
My scars are either angry red or nearly disappear. As for the new scar, I am getting friendlier with her. I am very think skinned and very pale so now its a wait and see which one this one will be.
I love this forum. Its only only place I can go and read what is real and post reality too.
RG
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Beachbum
I now know I should have stayed home. By late afternoon I felt like I was eaten by a coyote and pooped off a cliff.
The nurse called to check up on me and I was reprimanded like a school girl for going to work.
I told her I didn't know I was supposed to stay home. She said its all in "writing" in the discharge summary. It specifically says one week of rest.
Me " I didn't think that applied to me"
Nurse " Really RG, you didn't think YOUR discharge orders applied to you"
See, I can say stupid too
I'm home today.
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RG, I think it is good that you were scolded for doing too much! Put your feet up!!
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RG- I hope you have a peaceful and restful day today. Treat yourself nicely. Katy
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Oh wait...I thought of another....when I was trying to get my MO to tell me my chances of recurrence or what my prognosis looked like she says..."Well, you could walk outside after this appointment and get hit by a bus". I am still not sure wth she was trying to say.
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Sbelizabeth- thanks for the input on scar revision. I think I might have it done. I think I'll get myself through chemo first, starting day after tomorrow, then start the HT and see how much more I can bear. I feel I was a very bad patient. Low threshold of pain, high tolerance for pain meds. I beat a path to my surgeon's door asking for refills. The MO has taken over prescribing, and he has obliged me once more, but says it's not something that can continue. I am 2 1/2 mos out from surgery, and still feel a lot of pain, but try to take the meds only in the late afternoon and at night when it bothers me so much more. I'm no drug addict. The pain is real, I am aware of the dangers, and act accordingly. Responsibly. But it is so scary to think of voluntarily submitting to the knife again when I am so obviously a bad candidate.
Re: stupid comments. A very good friend. Who I love, keeps telling me about yoga retreats and massage therapy she attends regularly. I used to love massage in my previous life, and partook frequently
She says she wishes I would get a massage soon.
I say, WTF! I can't have somebody pulling on my shoulder and neck muscles! It hurts to chew!
Why "they" cannot get it, after repeated explanations, I do not know. I think mostly it must be too scary to really take the info on board, and some self-preservation mechanism gives them an amnesia filter.
But it's so very helpful to have this outlet here to mentally junk punch them all!
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tangandchris- agreed.,very stupid. And unprofessional, coming from that source. Really
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RaiderGirl, I hope you are resting, or shopping. If I followed all of their instructions, I would run straight to a nursing home. I worked 10 hours the day after my port surgery and I got scolded like a 2 year old. But then they tell us that the rads side effects will look like a sunburn. Uh not really, I would be in the ER if I looked like that from going to the beach.
Put your feet up, and watch a movie!
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SelenaWolf The scar upset her thus it must upset everyone.
Maybe she thought you would be upset if the scar showed, but then she should have said something like -SelenaWolf, the scar shows, are you ok with that? 'Cause its all good for us"
Either way, I am trying to remove the mouth filter too, maybe others wont like it but I might feel better.
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Tangandchris
I will pimp slap the next person that hands me the stupid comment -"could get hit by a bus"-
Reply #1 the bus scenario is a hypothetical situation. the cancer is real
Reply #2 I didn't get trade the bus scenario for the cancer scenario. I have both"
Reply #3 I can see my special express buses headlights heading straight for me. Every day I dodge it. Do you even think about it"
Reply #4 STFU !
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Last night while I was working, I read this entire thread. It is simply AMAZING what some people say!I did get the "oh, now you can have a tummy tuck and a new boob job" comment. Of course, that was after a radiologist and my BS swearing to me: "That doesn't look like Paget's. I'm sure it's not Paget's." Well, if they had a crystal ball, it was broken!! My other favorite was my BS telling me: "Oh, you won't get lymphedema. I only took 6 nodes and you are slim." Again,, broken crystal ball. Why say these things when you cannot for a fact KNOW it??
I love the term "junk punch" and will find ways to use it. Selena, you are a total Bad Ass with the way you handled your sister at the BBQ. Excellent job. I want to buy you a drink. Bobo: that comment from your brother was really damn bad. I will be happy to junk punch him for you.
RaiderGirl: REST!! You just had surgery. Please indulge yourself for a week and watch crappy TV while eating bon-bons or whatever makes you happy. You are in Daytona Beach area?? I am not too far away,,, I'm in GatorTown!
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Oh wait,, forgot the most recent one: "You have so many problems. I'm so glad I'm not you."0 -
tangandchris, I was consulting with an oncologist when I was trying to decide between lumpectomy and mastectomy (back when I thought I had a choice), and I asked her if I could get a scan. She said, "Oh, if you get a scan, we'll just find some other cancer in another part of your body and then you'll be mad at me." Jaw drop. This woman also scoffed and literally laughed that I would have any concern about my widespread high-grade DCIS. To her, if it didn't require chemo it wasn't cancer, so why should I even worry? She was immediately fired.
A dear friend of mine was complaining about a health issue she was having, then stopped herself and said, "Why am I complaining? You are the one about to have her breasts cut off." A little brutal to hear but she said it right in front of my 4-year old daughter who I'd been trying so hard to shield from any upsetting discussions. Her kids were right there too. I was speechless.
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I can't believe how you girls mke me laugh and cry at the same time.
I think for the exercise everyone is recommending, I will practice "shadow junk punching" and "shadow pimp slapping" like I am preparing for a prizefight! I will make them STFU
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I think they have to memorize the line about getting hit by a bus in order to pass their boards. They lose points, too, during residency if they fail to use it on more than 1% of patients.
RaiderGirl - when do expect to get your results?0 -
LA Star- good for you for firing that onc. To me, that borders on malpractice. Aside from having horrible bedside manner, she was.......er........WRONG. I think some docs think they can say anything they want so long as they are correct. This is not ok. But when they are also WRONG, they shouldn't be doctors at all.
I realize they can make mistakes. That is one of the primary reasons they should act as partners in our care. And not have attitude such as your former onc displayed
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My previous (fired) MO is a very well-known "brilliant" guy at Dana Farber who supposedly receives the most fruit baskets among BC oncologists at the Holidays. He arrived at an appointment with me prepared to tell me my OncotypeDX score of 9. He never looked at my chart to realize that I was returning to surgery and had positive nodes... We had to inform him. (My chart is a click away on the computer next to him.) At the conclusion of this awkward meeting, I asked if I had questions that were not answered how should I reach him. He told me, "You can open your wallet, take out a twenty dollar bill, write your question on it, and mail it to Dana Farber. You can do this as often as you like." He did not follow this up with any other more appropriate advice... I chose not to keep him on my team. I was not amused.
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