Stupid comments ....
Comments
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Ladies,
Went to the surgeon yesterday for the final discharge. I have a hematoma but not bad, Im healling good.
I thanked the MD for calling me with the negative results promptly and personally.
His not stupid comment " I needed desperately to give someone some good news that week and to hear a smile ".
I can only imagine how bad any given week can be for an MD with a heart.
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RG, that is really sweet!
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Thanks for sharing that very human side of your doctor, RG. I'm sure that gave us all a lift. Hope the hematoma clears up quickly. Those are not pleasant. How was your concert weekend??
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Bride, thank you for your kind words! I sure never set out to be a "hero" but I'm thrilled to be in any way encouraging or supportive to my sisters here.
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sb
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Ariom - I just love "if I throw a stick will you go away?" That's one I think I can file away and remember to say when needed and, as Hopeful said, it's clean and to the point.
Beachbum - I really like your comeback, too!
Jackbirdie - glad you are doing well and congrats to Jack on his accomplishments - that's awesome!
RG - wow - what a super kind doctor...if only all of them could be so compassionate!
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Here's another
not stupid comment from a doctor. My husband and I were meeting his RO for the first time. He came in and introduced himself and then asked if we would mind if he could leave and come back in about 20 minutes. He had to give some difficult news to a patient: a young woman waiting in a room down the hall. He hated to make her wait even though her "work in" time was after our appointment time. He said if we were in a hurry though, he could see us first. We of course said he should go ahead and talk to her.Yes, there are definitely compassionate doctors out there and yes, it would be incredibly difficult to give people bad news about their health and future.
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Elton John slammed the piano non-stop for 2 hours. The Amway Arena in Orlando holds 20,000. It was packed.
We had a rockin' good time.
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Hopeful
Not only is he compassionate, kind and skilled he is so good looking I could swoon.
I have a bit of a schoolgirl crush on him
Only downside, he is expensive but I dont intend to need his services again.
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Was totally ignorant...but when I heard someone saying s/he has cancer, that 1st thing I said would be "Im sorry" and didn't know what else to say when in reality I want to find out more, but didn't know how to go about asking....like the one my neighbor had....my younger sister would not let me talk to her because she has nothing nice to say about that lady....well, now I have it, she would imply that I have it coming for not eating healthily. It doesn't make me feel good, and because I am staying at her home while getting treatment, I tolerate it and let comments like that float our through the other ear....I just want to get the surgery over and done with, get my 6-8 weeks radiation, decided to forgo chemo and get out of there so I won't be a burden to her....after all, she took care of both our parents when they were ill. I think she must feel overburden, and me getting cancer is not making her life easier...so I try to overlook her comments remembering she has a good heart inside..though once in a while, I would counter comment...0 -
Hi everyone! This comment has been bothering me for a long time and perhaps getting it off my chest will help me move on. Someone I have known for over 20 years and knows that I have breast cancer and a recurrence sent me a Xmas card and said "I can't believe your still here!" as in I thought you would have been dead a long time ago! Anyway I let it go but she called me a couple of months later and said it again! Not sure how I should respond because I know there will be a next time. I am so disappointed by the stupid comments people have made ( and believe me there have been some doozies) but this just put me over the top and I can't get over it. I'm tired of sucking it up!
SusanAnn
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SusanAnn, I am so sorry and amazed at the things we are told, listen to etc. My "friend" asked me when I told her I had BC if I knew how long I was going to live. I told her longer than you! Ah, reload.
Then she sent a text a few weeks ago, "are you still there?" I replied "NO". Sigh no answer this time.
Sometimes I think our job is to comfort others......
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Beachbum. terrific way to respond to that ridiculous text. It is clear you will live longer than her as she will be getting many a$$ kickings, pimp slaps, junk punches for her stupidity.
MsP
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I love this thread!
I have heard it all. And seen it all too. I've had strangers come up to the grocery store with the pity look, oh do you have cancer? These are freakin strangers. I've been bitchy and said no. Staring blankly back at them. Then I've had well-meaning and well-intentioned people I guess, telling me the part about the new perky boobs at Cetera.
Frankly I'm ready to smash the next person right in the face. They have absolutely no idea what it is like.
I really hope that I'm the last person that ever have to go through this but I know I'm certainly not. I guess it's the kind of thing that you just don't understand till you're in it. It's a little easier to keep that in mind now, only after chemo surgery and radiation.
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In the 3 years since my diagnosis, I have had a lot of awful comments. Some of them make me laugh now, others don't.
Recently, I was at the post office in a very small, rural area. The lone female clerk and I got to talking. Somehow, we got on the topic of breast cancer, and I mentioned I was a survivor. This woman who was extremely large breasted without hesitation said: "Well, I know what I will do if I get breast cancer - chop them both off because they never can match them up anyway -- and the whole while she was looking back and forth over my top - her eyes going back and forth like she was watching a tennis match to see if my boobs matched up!!
I was horrified. It took me so off guard, I walked out the door and have never gone back there!
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Beachbum1023 thank you for trying to make me feel better. I guess unfortunately, we all seem to be fair game! Is it because people don't know what to say or are just plain thoughtless or stupid? It is so hurtful to be on the receiving end. Don't we have enough pain/anxiety in our lives? Who needs a "friend" like that?
Denise it does take you off guard - you can't believe what you just heard! Wow that woman was totally out of line!
SusanAnn
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SusanAnn, I got two words for your "friend". One begins with a "F" and one begins with a "U".
I love it Beachbum!!!!! I will have to remember that.
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Not too long after my diagnosis, DH says "wow, I always thought I would go (die) first, not you"; me= stunned silence. Not too long after my BMX, DH says "I mean you went through all this because of such a small area of cancer"; me=stunned silence even though in my head I'm screaming "BUT YOU KNEW MY REASONS -ILC IS HARD TO DETECT, USUALLY BILATERAL, ETC." JEEEZ. Needless to say I don't feel a lot of support around here!
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Wow! Some of these comments are so horrid! I can't belive people let those things come out of their mouths.
I have a couple that have irked me. When I was doing chemo, one of my friends asked how I was feeling. When I told her I was so exhausted, she asked me why I didn't just drink more coffee. That's when I realized if you haven't gone through it, you just don't get it.
About a week before starting chemo, my best friend called me and said she was going to be too busy to help me when I went through chemo because she was starting a new job. Really?!? I'm sorry I "planned" my cancer at such an inconvenient time. What was I thinking? This is the same friend that told me she knew how I feel when I was venting about my body image struggles with losing both my breasts. She understood because she was gaining weight and felt unattractive as well. Good intentions, bad delivery
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My first day back to work after my BMX and the first chemo treatment, a psycho-bitch I worked with greeted me with, 'I hope you are feeling better and you do realize you are exposing the rest of us to our chemo toxins'. I was completely stunned! While I didn't have a witness to the comment, I got something better - she complained to the firm HR partner that I was a danger to the office staff!
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The person my daughter msrried (n that is how i refer to him as) said s couple of years ago..."so what u have cancer, nobody cares, just deal with, it isn't a big deal anyway, get over it" needless to say i was stunned, cant stand him, n we don't talk, not just bc of that
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Blondie, I am so sorry you have to contend with that lugnut of a SIL (who raised him???).....I feel so much love for my SIL and am lucky.
MsP
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Oh yes I've heard that comment "I always thought I would go before you" from my husband. And my mother was angry you'd better not go before me as if I could control that.
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Blondie, I hope you told your SIL that yes, you WOULD like to get over it! (On the other hand, he probably wouldn't have understood, so maybe better not to waste your breath...).
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Denise, I laughed at your description of the clerk looking at your boobs. It seems the minute you say "breast cancer" people have an uncontrollable urge to look at your chest. It got to the point where DH and I made a game of it. We'd watch for "the look" and afterwards rate the lookers on speed and subtlety. Sounds like your clerk would have gotten bad marks in both categories!
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Dillion 222
If DH is disappointed that he may not go before you, that can be changed....its called homicide or suicide which ever he prefers. Cancer is equal to a bullet in the head, even a small bullet is not good..
Guiltrunner, OMG what would her comment be about radiation. You ought to rub against her as often as possible.
Blondieex46 Someday he WILL eat his words. So from now on whenever he comments about anything you ought to say, You need to get over it. No matter what it is. Steak overdone. Get over it. Working too hard . Get over it.
Faye33 On the day of my DX I called my best friend. She said and I quite " If you die can I have your car?" Then she laughed real nervously and weird. It was too much for her. I think shes going to be alright now.
DeniseG- That comment proofs that the ignorant believe that BC is only about losing a body part.
Beachbum I am not excusing your friends remark but there is actually a cancer support group called "Im Still Here". It was founded by a woman that was given only months to live but went into remission instead. Everytime she visited the MO she would greet everyone with an "Im still here". I have started email to my friends that way too but I think the big difference is that I AM saying it about myself not someone else saying it to me.
SusanA - You needed to return the card to her with a big F U on it.
Nat_Singpo I will quote my amazing DH. He said he knows that he is going to do or say something stupid so he asked for forgiveness in advance. Gotta love a guy like that. By the way, he never once said anything wrong, not once.
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Raidergirl I absolutely LOVE your responses. You're awesome!
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I found one of the best responses to bold ballsy thoughtless remarks is an innocent face and saying, "what do you mean?" Ha!
There will be back pedaling with "Ah, uh, never mind."
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Mbmarj, you hit the nail on the head.
"What's your prognosis?" (I have learned to truly dislike this stupid, ill-informed, insensitive question, and people ask it all the time.)
Look innocent, confused. "Why...what DO you mean?"
And let them go ahead and try to explain their nosy crassness.
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I sometimes find it hard when people say things like - "You were diagnosed early weren't you" - I want to say - I have no idea and I hope so - but I think people just want to hear the good news and don't actually hear that we actually don't know our 'prognosis'. Today I told my hairdresser that I found another lump (albeit stage 0) and needed to bring forward my reconstruction to have a MX for the lump at the same time. I also told her I went for a CT scan yesterday, and she said - 'Oh everything is great, no worries then' - I tried to explain I hadn't had the results yet - but its an example of people not understanding that its a long old journey and nothing is certain but we hope to move to a more and more secure place as time goes on. Its hard to put this into the category of stupid comments - but I wish people didn't try to tell me 'I'm out of the woods'. I suppose I would have never understood how complex this experience is before being diagnosed.
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