Stupid comments ....
Comments
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Wow! That sounds like something my mom might have said. Ugh!
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Actually, ever since I heard the story of a woman whose womb fell out years ago, , I have been wearing granny pants. I didn't need a visual to scare the bejeezus out of me.
MsP
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Umm, how does a va ja ja fall out? I have hear of bladder prolapse (I had some friends over to see my new house I built in 2004 and one of the women had to tell me THAT story in detail, TMI).
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Cheesequake, OMG that is TMI. I didn't even SEE the hand gestures and I can't unsee it! Why do people think we want to hear that crap? Some days I wish I had a really good poop story to share...............or something worse. But what is worse than that?? They probably wouldn't get it anyway.
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LAstar, so glad you wrote the letter to the bra store owner. Good for you for writing a thoughtful letter, and good for her for responding the way she did!
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Actually, the uterus thing is called prolapse. I know of much older women, with pelvic floor muscle issues...and whoops, the cervix protrudes from the vagina.
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I don't have a poop story but...When I was pregnant for our youngest I was 44 and my DH was a colonel in the Army...We were at a formal retirement dinner for one of the generals and I was about 7 months along, so pretty big. After about the 6th one of them shockingly laughed, chuckled or asked "How do that happen?" I calmly said..."It might have been on the couch, or the kitchen table or it might even have been that time on the clothes dryer"....then the conversation turned to more appropriate topics:)
Has anyone else developed a yeast infections? What I'd you use for it
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TJH- now that is funny!
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reading these gives me a strong desire to do some KEGEL EXERCISES.... I have had an atrophied vagina for some time now, frankly. It works fine though.
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tjh - hilarious, but I hope all that did happen!
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It took us 7 years to have her so you never know😁
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From my earliest years, my mom said a woman should not mow the lawn because it makes her uterus fall out. I'm not kidding.
This made for a reasonable excuse to avoid the task throughout my years. After all, my MOTHER said it, right?
And if I DID mow the lawn, and my uterus fell out unnoticed, and I ran over it with the mower...well, what a mess.
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sbelizabeth, at first, I thought "mowing the lawn:" was a euphemism for woman-scaping....then I realized you actually meant....mowing the lawn. LOL. I could imagine one's mother telling her daughter not to do that as well. My mother told us to never shave our legs or our leg hair wouldn't grow back.....hmm isn't that a good thing??
MsP
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My mom wouldn't let me go to bed with wet hair because I'd get pneumonia and die.
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The ones that bother me the most....drumroll please...
"They're just breasts."
"You're done having kids, so they don't really serve a purpose anymore."
Grrrrrr
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Debutante- who says it, men, women or both?
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Had to jump in here (sorry. hope that's ok). Been reading along quietly for several weeks now.
After my lumpectomy and axial dissection, I was crying about my "deformity" and the scars. I was 38 and newly separated from my husband. My mom, tower of support, said to me "What are you crying about? It's not like anyone's ever going to see it again."
*sigh* Sometimes people would be better to keep their lips closed.
Thanks for letting me share.
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You know, debutante, that was pretty much the attitude I had toward my breast. I'm way past needing them to feed babies, and it tried to kill me, so hey, I have no use for it. But good grief, I would NEVER dream of saying that to someone else!!
The stupidest comments I've gotten were the ones that asked why I didn't choose any recon. "Why wouldn't you want a nice perky new bigger set?" They have NO clue what's involved.
Not to mention that is waaaay too personal and it always seemed to be the casual acquaintance who said such things!
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kebab....hugs. I am a mom to an adult daughter. I hope I would never say something so insensitive to my dear daughter.
You are loved, MsP
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Spookiesmom, MY mom said the same thing. Dry hair before bedtime was critical to ones health.
And, no baths in the morning. It would open your pores before going out into the germ-laden world and you would get sick.
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People just don't understand the difference between breast augmentation and breast reconstruction. When I was diagnosed, I was fortunate to have a choice between MX and LX. My plastic surgeon consultations scared me straight toward the LX. But....and I hope I don't offend anyone. If I was guaranteed a cure with a mastectomy, I would have taken that option in a heartbeat.
MsP
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Stupid comments off topic. Many years ago my baby daughter died. We lived on a short cul-de-sac, so we all new each other. I was in front of my house as a neighbor and her husband walked by. When I told her of the death she replied, "Oh I know just how you feel. We are out walking because my husband recently had a heart attack."
Recently word got around the extended family that my eldest daughter was expecting via In Vitro. Nephew's wife corners me and asked who had the "problem." Told her I didn't know and didn't care.
I'm sure I've made insensitive remarks to people before, but I sure hope I have never been this brazen.
Hang on friends, Jan
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Debutatne8, I have had to restrain myself from punching people who say things akin to "they're just breasts" or "they don't serve a purpose anymore." Sorry, but my breasts and nipples are a damn big part of my sex life!!
And yes, I think people have no idea the difference between augmentation and reconstruction, and especially don't realize that reconstructed breasts have no feeling.
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The only thing I have told my adult daughters since my diagnosis is get a mammogram. They are not quite old enough but the 37 yr old had enough income they are paying if the insurance won't, the 30 yr old has had 4 biopsies done, all negative, but has dense breasts. She works for the medical system I am being treated at so with her Dr and my oncologist they sent paperwork in so hers will be covered yearly. Both were clear.
Kebab...I would never say anything like that to my daughters...cyber hugs.
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Kebab- that is a tough thing to hear from one's mother. However, I have a mother who would have said something like that to me in the same situation. I hope you are doing well these days. Hugs sister.
Jan69- of all the things in life one may go through, I believe the loss of a child is the absolute worst. I have seen several people go through it with children of all ages, including my mother who lost a son at 40. I heard some of the absolute worst things from people during that time I will likely ever hear in this lifetime. I hope you are doing okay. Hugs to you as well sister.
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Aw, kebab -- I just want to give you a big hug. I hope you've proved your mother wrong many times over.
Jan, I'm so sorry for your loss and for having to endure such comments.
I had no idea how different reconstruction and augmentation are before I went through this, so I try not to judge when someone assumes they are the same. In fact, I rather enjoy describing both processes in detail and seeing my friend's eyes get increasingly wider. It's hard to appreciate how crappy all the options are until you go through it.
I had to toss a card yesterday for a friend who was just diagnosed with lymphoma because my thoughts didn't quite come out right. These things are tricky.
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Well, I had to respond even though I only got my IDC dx this morning (I've been on this site before though for ADH with subsequent lumpectomy).
I pretty much knew I was going to get the dx because my ultrasound and mammograms all said BIRADS - 5. So I had already told a couple of friends: 1 gave me a blank stare and changed the subject; and the other said "Well it's good thing it's early days!". Hm, is it really early days? Well, I hope so, but I don't know that so how could she?
But I'm really posting because I too lost a child (albeit adult). My 25 year old son passed away 6 years ago. I don't talk about it much because I cannot stand the responses. But the worst was "Well, I can relate. My wife had a miscarriage at 5 months". What????
I shared my sons life for 25 years. Where is the similarity? <Sorry if this feels like a downer, folks>Having said that: I have for the most part enjoyed reading these as they are really quite ironically funny in retrospect.
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Welsome, NorthernCanuck!
Sorry we had to meet this way...again. Kudo's to you for posting so soon after dx...I was shell-shocked for days.
So, so sorry about your son. As a mom, it's our worst nightmare. Take my parents, take my spouse, but not my child.
Keep us posted on your progress - we're here for you.
PS: Banff rules.
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Thank you Jilly59. I appreciate the comments, and yes, Banff rules!! (Jasper too)
I came home after the dx and spent the day reading up on it (I called work to say I had to go home ... I kept starting to cry). I feel so much better having spent the last 6 hours (yeah, crazy, eh?) reading, reading and reading. I've learned so much and instead of having a huge, amorphous fear hanging over my head like a malignant cloud, I feel like I'm getting a better idea of what I'm up against. It's not necessarily a worst case scenario. It could be just a bad scenario. I can see it's going to be a long haul but there is potentially a light at the end of the tunnel. And I might not necessarily lose my hair (should be least of all my worries, right?)
So also thanks to everyone as there is a lot of hope on this site.
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