Stupid comments ....
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New stupid comment from SIL...my hair is gone, we are having dinner for DH's birthday. So I come in with hat on, she knows it is gone DH had told her, SO she says "cute hat, can I see your hair?" I said "hell no, I haven't looked in the mirror". She of course was appalled that I swore, and even more so when I took my order to go. I have yet to decide if I will ever speak to her again even though she has spent the last 24 hours sending apologies through DH. She hasn't figured out he is as pissed as I am.
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Sounds like something my idiot SIL would say.
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I was out with my friend who finished chemo today. She is still tired from her last treatment, anemic too. She needed a ride to get some groceries and then we went to eat after. She was wearing a hat and I thought to myself "I bet she will be glad that her hair will be growing back in soon." But I said nothing, because I can already tell people are expecting her to just go back to normal. I offered to help her this weekend because I know she is anything but that yet.
She took her hat off when we got back to the house and just said "it will take about six weeks after the last treatment for my hair to start growing back in." And I said that will be a good day when it happens. That was all we discussed about hair.
We talked about all kinds of other things, including jazz which we both love. One thing I know for sure is no cancer patient wants to talk about cancer stuff all the time, right? Too bad more people don't understand that. Some of my friends do, they are so careful to bring it up, and only talk about it if I bring it up. I like those friends, they just get it.
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When my hair first feel out I heard a woman standing in line behind me very loudly telling her husband how sorry she felt for me because I was dying so young. Who the hell said I was going to die?
I was in line buying dinner when and man asked me what kind I have. I said what. He said, you have cancer right? I annoyingly said yes. He then proceeds to tell me how his wife has stage 4 cancer and begins to cry. Ugh, everyone around us was staring at us in horror. I just told him I was sorry for him andleft. I couldn't take that.
I get this a lot: "cancer doesn't have you, you have cancer".
One guy never said anything he just came close and looked at me with his jaw wide open.
I think the worst is what people never said to me. The people who always spoke about family and then never reached out to me. That hurt the most.
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MeToo-wow on your stories. That woman in line was the one at risk of dying young. Someone will take her out one of these days with that kind of behavior. So many people to the cancer = death place. I also enjoy that they seem really immortal as they share those comments.
I agree with people talking about you and not to you. No one likes to be talked about, very hurtful. They might get a better take on what is really going on if they went to the source, eh?
I hope you are doing okay through treatment.
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I tend to walk away from the cancer death stories, it is rude but I need positive energy. I worry enough as it is. My life and everything I would miss flashed in front of my eyes when the radiologist told me.
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tjh - "My life and everything I would miss flashed in front of my eyes when the radiologist told me."
I felt exactly the same way, I think we all do. It must be the first stop on the road to hell. Then we start treatment and just want to be done because we have so much living left to do. They should follow that statement with now go get a life!
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Well I'm back. First thank you for all the support and especially the garden (hugs to Beach Bum) and a huge {{{{{HUG}}}}} for all your kind words and for all the unkind words we've endured. Reading 5 pages to catch up made me laugh, weep, and way pissed off. My BCO sisters are my heroes.
After my mets scare, I had to stop dealing with cancer so I ran off to music concerts. And am still adding concerts...especially when a woman I have seen daily for over 20 years managed to blurt this out: "What do mean you're not through with cancer? You've been being treated for over a year! Why do you keep going to see the doctor? You need to just let it go."
What I said: "Um, cancer is a chronic condition."
What I wanted to say: listen, you jackass, I'm dealing with truncal lymphedema, some cording, a MX scar that has adhesion problems, a royally screwed up shoulder blade so I'm constantly in spasm, peripheral neuropathy, cognitive issues like no freaking short term memory, and, oh yeah, my lack of side effects to my AI may indicate that I'm at a 60% higher risk for recurrence. Let it go, my ass.
Thinking I'm glad to be back,
bride
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OMG, Bride. "'What do mean you're not through with cancer? You've been being treated for over a year! Why do you keep going to see the doctor? You need to just let it go.'"
Yes, what a bunch of hypochondriacs we all are!
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Bride-welcome back. I am glad to hear you are enjoying music and concerts. I love both myself. Anybody great you saw? Big time performances, or local artists, or maybe a bit of both? Music soothes the soul like nothing else.
That person you ran into is just purely rude. I hope if you ever see her again, you can either avoid talking to her or say a hello and keep walking. I don't feel a need to be nice/polite to people anymore who are awful to me. These are the types of people I refuse to engage with any conversation with respect to my health.
I remember when I was going through a family loss of a sibling who died young, I used to get the "you have had a year to grieve, time to move on." I have had similar comments about being "done" with everything after my primary treatment, and given that same year schedule. No I am not done with my 5 years of follow up, or my 5 on the AI drugs, or the side effects from those, or the Prolia shots to keep my bones from crapping out while I get through the AI treatment. Most people have no idea. Too many people want to just control the situation. Bye bye now!
Keep doing those concerts Bride! Enjoy your summer.
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Ugh, bride. Some people just need to be slapped. You can taunt us with your concert list! \m/
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bride, all I can say is Wow! And commend you for your polite response. I guess we give polite responses when we are so gob smacked at the complete stupidity AND insensitivity of some comments and questions. Maybe we should exercise our middle finger salute more. No real need to have a canned response, but that finger can say a thousand words.
MsP
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welcome back, Bride,, and UGH for those stupid comments. I too want to know what concerts you have been to,, and are planning to see.
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I was walking quickly to a patient room last week and passed by the aide and the person that she was orienting while they were doing laps (wonderful idea wish I had thought of it instead of actually doing my job *sarcasm intended*) and I was told that I "couldn't join their club because I don't have the right equipment." No, I don't have $150 extra that I don't know what to do with to buy a fitbit as I have surgery coming up. My response was "oh darn" as I passed by them to do my job.
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Welcome back, Bride .. still reading all the latest replies and I'm stunned at all of their ignorance and stupidity. Some people should keep their trap shut.
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I was picking up my 7 yr old granddaughter from after school daycare yesterday. Teacher asked for my ID, which is required since I didn't know her and she didn't know me. She says "you look different with the hat on, hard to recognize." I didn't say anything BUT granddaughter says "Gramma has chemo so she doesn't have hair but it will come back when the cancer is gone, that is why she has a hat". My granddaughter is not known for her filter....but you should have seen the look on the teachers face...it was priceless. AND granddaughter got to make cookies with Gramma. Stupid grown ups:
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I walk on my prep hour for 15 minutes...it clears my head for the afternoon which is usually my students' worst time of the day. There are several staff that seem to have prep 5-6 times a day
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tjh, just want to hug that granddaughter of yours....and give her a big cookie too. Love the mind of children
MsP
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Tjh- from the mouths of babes. Your granddaughter rocks.
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Had lunch with former co workers. Hadn't seen one for several years, she knew I had ca.
Her So how ya doin with the cancer? Is it gone?
Me ok for today. It can come back any place, any time.
Her. Stunned look, jaw hanging. No further comment.
Priceless.
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From a woman who clearly gets no sexual pleasure from her nipples:
"Just do a double mastectomy. If you don't have kids to nurse, breasts serve no purpose other than looks anyway."
/facepalm
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Ok, since this is about the dumbest stuff people have said to you....I guess this is a good place to be. Here's my Saturday story. A friend moved away from where I live, a few years back. Well this morning she's back visiting for the weekend, She showed up at the place we go every morning for coffee. She'd also been following my post about my bc on Facebook. She gets me in a bearhug asks me how my health is, and then tells me about her friend, who had a lumpectomy and a year later was back, and then she had a mastectomy and a year later was back, and then two years later she was dead! Good morning to you too!! She is such a f*****g Asshat! Who says that kind of shit?????
Oh and there was the friend who asked me if I'd leave her my Max Mara coat in my will..WTF! That was the day before I started chemo.
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Friends? Not much longer, I hope!!!!
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Spookiesmom,
No kidding! A friend who had had BC was telling me she was at a dinner party, someone asked how she was and another woman there said "Well, I'm glad I don't sit on my anger!" And the stupid just keeps comin
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Suladog - you deserve a SECOND Max Mara coat for that comment! I find retail therapy helps chemo SE's tremendously, even though the sizes are a bit bigger now! I find shoes, handbags and jewelry really ease the pain
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Scarlett,
Ha! I treated myself to some big old pearl earrings when I finished Taxol, perhaps when she sees them she'll ask for them too, they go great with the coat
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Here's one, when I started chemo I bought myself a new 2014 Cruze. My brother said "WHY?" Bite me.
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Beachbum,
I love it!!! Retail therapy trumps chemotherapy any old day
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Having nothing to do with cancer,,, but when my 82 year old neighbor's old dog died,, she got a puppy. People were scratching her head that she would get a puppy at her age. She was like: "Why not?" What, she should get an older dog cuz she is 82? That pup keeps her active! She goes to the dog park, and has several walks a day.People got something to say about anything and everything. I say: screw them and do what you want. Buy that car, eat that piece of cake. And Suladog, I hope you are enjoying that coat!! Damn,,,,,,,
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Cheesequake,
I heard Its just breasts
I replied" Its not just breasts, Its MY breasts, on MY body . The same body that moves me through this life and carries my soul, so its important.
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