Stupid comments ....
Comments
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This morning someone came into my office and started the discussion about her son, who has cancer.
She declared, with all the authoritative tone in her voice that she could muster, that cancer cells are secreted in urine and you can get cancer that way. " You would not believe how many people get cancer this way!"
I was with another customer the time and could not adress her. I think she is very lucky that I could not.
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JustJean,
And are these people who "get it" drinking the cancer patient's urine or bathing in it or what? That's one of the craziest things I've heard!
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JustJean She talked that way in front of a customer. Is the customer still a customer? A pox on her. What an idiot.
LaStar (instead of LAstar)think Jeff Dunhams Woosil Peanut saying it
Thanks. hasn't been easy. DBF has problems, but it's more good than bad. Get's too bad I put his clothes over the gate. Varied from folded in a basket to clean on left dirty on right. He straightens up. 0 -
here's one for the record books.
It's late Sept, hot as blazes. I'm bald, wearing a pink baseball hat. Take hat off to wipe my sweaty head. Waiting in traffic for light to change. Punk pulls up next to me with his stereo blasting. I shoot him a dirty look. He yells FAGGOT.
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SpookiesMom - Noooooooooo! I would have tracked him down somehow.
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Not for those with a weak stomach...
The very day of my wife's diagnosis a co worker decided to share a story that went like this: "You know. You can get breast cancer on the outside of your breast. My cousin had it. There were scabs falling off of her breasts and her kids were following her around the house and pickin em up and eatin em!" I am not kidding! This idiot actually thought she'd share that! People are WHACKO!
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ALHusband - sounds like a Jerry Springer episode to me.
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Ewwwwww don't get me going in Springer. He was Mayor of Cincinnati when I lived there.
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WHY? What is wrong with all those people that produce stupid comments! When I get asked health questions I stare at their face and ask if they are feeling well, they look so pale. Then just stare..............all of a sudden they have "something" and a worried look and change the subject.
My favorite - when they ask if I am going to die, I remind them they may die before me, uh reload! And stare until they "have to run" busy, busy! Like I am going to chase them for a longer conversation?
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Beachbum, lol, that's my technique too. "How ARE you?" (said with pity face and perhaps a hand pat) gets "I'm fine, but how are YOU?" (brows furrowed in concern).
This backfired once when the friend replied with surprise, "oh, my back is feeling better but it's still pretty stiff."
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glennie, been thinking about your question regarding how what I experienced as a different reaction after Dh died.
For my entire life I have included single friends in my life. Our life. Early on my twin who has been single since before 1980, commented on it being unusual. Her comment was always that many married women would feel threatened. She was very complimentary. I thought it bizarre. I didn't understand. Still don't
When DH died. I first observed a change in behavior with my next door neighbor. Her husband and I talked across the fence like we had for years(18). She came running up and grabbed his arm, and quite gabby which she had never done before. Multiple behaviors that were odd to me. But no question I understood the meaning. Took awhile to change back. Then at church people that I hugged for years, would look around --as if they were looking to see who saw. Those behaviors caused me to change my behavior. Less hugging, talking..........stopped going
I was so surprised by the behaviors. I figured, I just didn't want those people in my life.
Then DBF came into my life. We go to church on Christmas, maybe Easter. He's not Catholic. Odd he met many of his customers at the first Christmas. Lot's of handshaking.
What I believed for my whole life and how I acted, was another shattering scenario of Dh's death. I wrapped my arms around folks in the world, then had to be careful. Shock. Another loss of who I was. It was too much for me. Withdrawing was simply easier. I still had lot's of stuff on my travel. Brain tumor, thyroid, and other stuff
Lucky enough to have met some here. Great experience each time. Still a few pre BC that I keep in contact with.
Not sure why , kinda know why, haven't been able to open Christmas cards since Dh died. They all are faraway.
They are a lifetime away....................
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Those who pulled away were not true friends. I had some similiar reactions after my divorce. Some women feel like you are after their husband. HA. If they only knew. I had just gotten rid of one,,, why on earth would I want another,, especially YOURS? (thinking of certain people) I did change the way I interacted with certain people. Now, after so many years post divorce, they all seem to be used to me being single and deal with it OK. Still find the behavior appalling.0 -
me too.
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What is DBF?
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"Dear boyfriend," I assume.
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HHaving been through both death of husband and divorce in previous life, I have witnessed those isolating reactions. People just don't know how to react Much like when they learn you have cancer. Husbands wouldn't like their wives hanging out... divorce might be contagious or I might be a bad influence.
I miss those things but we all change and I need to look for the commonality and not focus on the differences. Too kind.
Ha ha on the abbreviations. Yes DBF stands for dear boyfriend... When first learning the blogging jargon thought DH stood for d~k head... Suppose it depends on the prevailing wind.
I have isolated myself to the smallest footprint possible after 15 years I am inching my way back out and embracing the hugs and trying to find my voice. We all have something to offer.
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rosesrx, I love that DH can mean dear husband or d--k head. That cracked me up!
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okay, I'm back... I had my shoulders locked down as part of a very weird but effective PT treatment. It was impossible to type…
Just spent a couple of hours catching up, laughing, raging, you know, the normal stuff this thread brings. sbelizabeth, sas-schatzi, Glennie19, Beachbum, RaiderGirl, LAstar, Spookiesmom, Shetland Pony, Suladog, ksusan (I'm one too;) among others, you make life richer!
So I have some new stupid comments and some happy things.
First the happy things. Yesterday, I had my first haircut since Nov 2013 – I went commando and was kind of shocked when my hair grew back really curly. So now I have a styled curly haired head. In a way, being bald was less shocking.
Then today I got invited to a concert given by the trio of Roseanne Cash, Emmylou Harris, and Lucinda Williams. Dam, all three performing together, I'm in heaven.
And now to return to our regularly scheduled people are frigging stupid program. A friend (?) I've known for decades stormed up to me and said "I don't ever want to hear again about you having cancer until you die." Well, golly gee whiz, I don't want to have cancer, in fact, I never wanted to have cancer. Get a freaking clue asshole…
Last weekend I was at one of those partner's kid's in laws thing and some in law aunt or some such person started to rift on about a "dear friend" of hers who had been DXed with BC but is too afraid to get treatment. This woman would not shut up about her friend. She asked what she should do, how to convince her to get treated, who she should see (said in law aunt lives in a different state), and what treatment should she have. WTF??? Was I supposed to throw my hands up in the air and send psychic messages to her friend? I was floored by what auntie in law thought was appropriate. This was way beyond me. I'm still shaking my head….
bride, typing again
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Bride welcome back. YAY able to use arms. After my crani, I couldn't wear glasses. It's hilarious to read what I typed.
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Welcome back, Bride! Nice to "hear" your voice! The shoulder thing...NOBODY told me that breasts are connected to your shoulders, but after cooking my chest with radiation my shoulder became an immovable solid object that required months of PT to fix, and it's still stiff and a little wonky. I'm happy your PT was effective.
My hair grew back in soft curls. I totally loved it. After a lifetime of stick-straight hair, it was a beautiful reward for taking my medicine like a good girl. The curls didn't last; I'm back to stick-straight. Oh well.
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I just started reading this thread and just as I suspected, I'm LMAO...laughing. It is a serious subject and not so funny at the time when it's happening. I noticed shortly after my dx that people started treating me differently. Some in a good way, some not so good. I realized that they didn't know how to act or what to say around me. Kinda like when you see someone in a wheelchair negotiating a door. Should you help them and possibly insult them, or do you let them be? So I wrote these "Rules of Navigation". I gave a copy to my friends and family. I even shared them with my boss and some coworkers. It has helped me, and them, tremendously. When someone says or does something stupid I just tell them, "You're not following the rules". They understand and correct their action. No one has taken offense to it. I live by myself, so I really leaned on my friends. They were there for me and they knew how to navigate.
RULES OF NAVIGATION
--I am subject to spontaneously breaking out in tears for no apparent reason. Just wait, tell me to breathe until it passes. Don't say “It's OK", “You'll be alright". Just wait and tell me to breathe. It'll pass. Covertly pass me a tissue if I don't have one.
--I'm like a landmine. Ready to explode at the drop of a hat. What can I say?
--Feel like you're bothering me? Don't. I want to be bothered, even if I say differently. Talking, emailing or texting brings me out of my slumps. It keeps my mind moving. An idle mind drifts to dark places.
--Waking up in the morning or the middle of the night, are the worst times. I wake up calm and peaceful from my dream, unless I had a bad dream, and once the dream fades away, I remember. Oh shit! Text me, email me. Snap me out of it.
--It's OK to ask me, “How's it going". Mostly my response will be “Same ol, same ol", “OK", “Is what it is" or something like that. That means I don't want to talk about it. Let's move on. If I want to talk about it, join in the conversation. You don't have to dance around it or walk on eggshells.
--Don't be afraid to overstep. I'm sure you will and I'll let you know. Just let's move on. I'd rather you overstep than pull away. When people pull away, paranoia creeps in. I start to think that no one cares. Overstep.
--I may call you a Bit@h, say F* You or Kiss my A$$. That's just my way of saying, “I love you."
Regarding IT….
--I want to laugh. I want to cry. I want to hate it. I want to own it. I want to cuss at it…..a lot. I want to make totally inappropriate jokes about it. I want to talk badly about the idiot doctors that screwed up the paperwork and delayed my notification. Why didn't they make me stop doing the things I did that led me to here? Believe it or not, anger takes away the sadness. It makes me laugh.
--I don't want to hear “You'll be alright". “You're gonna be OK." You're not a doctor. That just makes me mad. Not at IT, but at you or God. I know God is there. I know He's giving me what I need, not what I want. But He's not gonna change what is. I'm not going to wake up in the morning and IT's gone. It is what it is. He's going to give me the resources, people and support to get to my destination, whatever it is. He determines my destination, not me, not you. Just keeping it real.
--I don't want to hear about so 'n so that is a 10 year survivor. We all know someone that survived; the question is “How"? I just need to know HOW to make it through the next 24 hours. What questions to ask, decisions to make and actions to take. And after that, the next 24 hours.
It's a complicated journey. There will be many decisions to make along the way. Every time I make one decision, there will be another. There will be a lot of ups and a lot of downs. That is what my friends and family are there for; to help me through this journey.
--Just remember….
---Don't forget to laugh
---Don't forget to cry.
---And most importantly don't forget to remind me to breathe.
Upon re-reading this, I think I was a lot angrier back then. I still have my moments, but not as much.
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I like your rules! Well done.
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bride: welcome back !! Glad you can type again. And what a awesome concert that will be!! *tiny bit jealous* And your *cough* "friend",, I mean, seriously??? I would delete her phone number now if you haven't already. Geeeez,,,,,0 -
After telling a coworker that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and that my breast surgeon felt a lumpectomy was appropriate for me, she put down her coffee cup, stared at me for a minute or two and said "what if they go in there and just keep finding more and more cancer and you wake up without a breast?"
I went back to my desk and shook then ran to the lady's room and puked.
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oh Pbrain,, that was so insensitive. People need to engage their brains before they open their mouths.0 -
You know what I hate? When people say radiation is a sunburn. It is NOT a sunburn! How about I go to the beach and YOU get under the linear accelerator for 33 treatments? . . . No? I didn't think so!
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Pbrain..........chit
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I was telling my mother how nervous I was about starting Tamoxifen since I am very premenopausal and I am expecting some serious hot flashes. My father overheard and said, "oh, hot flashes are nothing." I was like what?! How would YOU know? He said he hears women all the time saying, "It's hot in here. I think I just had a hot flash". . . I had to explain to him that ALL women joke around like that - including me - who has never had a hot flash. He still repeatedly insisted hot flashes (and the side effects of Tamoxifen) are nothing. (When did he get ovaries and start taking Tamoxifen?!) He always trivializes everything anyone else goes through, but he gets arthritis in one finger and he boo-hoos.
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I used the bathroom today at the hospital where I am receiving radiation. (I know fascinating stuff!) And there was a sign over the toilet that said "1000 pound capacity" - what were they planning on putting on the toilet?! LMAO!
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Fastwalker.......stealing from sas...oh chit that's one heck of a loaf to pinch off. bwah ha ha ha
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