STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Thanks for all of your comments on the friend who didn't respond to my email with BC news. With her child's graduation party tomorrow, I finally called her this morning and left another voicemail, and she called back. Lots of drama--oh, I didn't know how to reply to your email. Whatever. At least I can show up at the party tomorrow, and then, with that over, either the friendship will continue, or not. Thanks again, y'all. Thought I was losing it--good to hear others have had this experience. Well, not good, exactly. But affirming.
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So....I'm finding out that BC helped me grow a pair (and not boobs!!!). My MIL from hell was here last night. Had to burn some candles after she left. She found out that we are probably going away for Christmas and threw a fit and I just don't care. Last year we booked our trip (before dx) asked our kids (who didn't want to come) and anyway...it turned into a recovery trip as my surgery was only 3 wks before. We own a pretty little condo in Costa Rica...it is Our dream and be damned do I want to sit in snow to my ass to have Christmas with her. During my entire treatment this woman did nothing for me. No dinners, no driving, no offers to help..but she did offer her opinion that this process was hurting her son and that I should just get it cut off and be done with it. She also made comments that I was milking it by not going back to work full time at first. She has been unbelievable hurtful. I told her last night in a calm sweet voice that we will be going...and our Dds too. I'm not putting my life on hold for anyone anymore. There is no guarantee of good health in retirement and I'm not waiting til I'm 65 to "live"!!
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YAY, JJ you go girl. Had MIL like yours. Toxic and controlling. Have the greatest Christmas
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Good for you JJ!
Still looking to find my Inner Voice.
Was awakened to a phone call this morning. This is so and so from such and such...as you know we are coming near breast cancer awareness month.....REALLY THIS IS FLIPPING AUGUST!!!
Can I just say B...please I gave and am still giving at the office. No I didn't but did hang up.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Rose, Hmmmm, consider adding this to your favs. Pinktober Revolution. We start to get riled this time of year and it goes till the pink goes out
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/791442?page=67#idx_2006
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True sassie, hate pink
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Hey Blondie, yup me too.
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Thanks sassie, I added it to my fav's. Been lurking lots of places really enjoy the Insomniacs thread too.
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Rosesrx drop in on Insomniacs----social, lovely group. Don't drop in here as much as I want too. b/c I'm a fixer by nature. I see this space as a gut wrenching scream get it all out space. I did this thread for a friend, who's in this mode right now. If I drop in too often trying to fix things or think I can fix things, it takes the "drop it off and go find a nice thread" energy out of the rant.
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You know it is men like Dr McGowan that pissed me off. Women don't "fully understand" the need for taking hormone therapy as a reason why they quit. It the GD side effects you idiot.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/side-effects-may-lead-breast-ca...
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Meow This is as stupid as it gets. Thanks for bringing the link
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}Side effects may lead breast cancer patients to skip drugs
[img class="provider-img" alt="Reuters" src="http://l.yimg.com/a/p/us/news/editorial/d/0c/d0c3eb8ca18907492a4b337b5cec5193.jpeg">By Kathryn Doyle 12 hours agoContent preferencesDone
By Kathryn Doyle
(Reuters Health) - Breast cancer patients who report more side effects of their hormone therapy drugs and less confidence communicating with their doctors are more likely to intentionally or unintentionally miss a dose, according to a new study.
“Endocrine” therapy, given as a daily tablet that acts to prevent hormones from helping the tumor to grow, is an important part of treatment for some types of early breast cancer. But many women do not stick to the medications over time, the authors write in The Breast.
“We were surprised that so many women admitted to nonadherent medication-taking behaviors,” said lead author Gretchen Kimmick of Duke Cancer Institute at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina.
“There are many reasons that women may choose not to take the medicine,” she told Reuters Health by email. “The most common reason is probably because they notice side effects.”
The researchers studied 112 postmenopausal women with early stage, hormone-receptor positive breast cancer who had completed surgery, chemotherapy or radiation and were currently taking an endocrine therapy medication like tamoxifen.
Endocrine therapies for breast cancer can cause side effects like nausea, hot flashes and headaches.
The women answered survey questions about their levels of general pain, fatigue, hot flashes or night sweats, and nerve pain over the previous week. They also rated their confidence in their ability to take the medicine as prescribed, their ability to communicate with their doctors, their beliefs about hormone therapy, and their medication behavior.
Women rated from “never” to “very often” the frequency with which they forgot to take medication, skipped doses, or reduced or stopped medication when feeling better or when feeling worse.
On average, the women had been receiving endocrine therapy for about three years. More than half said they had missed some doses unintentionally, due to having a busy day, being away from home, or problems getting refills.
A third said they had intentionally skipped or changed the dose, often because they felt worse or had side effects, and sometimes because of cost.
Women with less confidence in taking their medications and less confidence talking with their doctors were more like to miss doses, the researchers found.
Colin McCowan, professor of health informatics at the University of Glasgow, who wasn’t involved in the study, told Reuters Health by email that women might not usually receive advice, support and monitoring for adherence during endocrine therapy.
Failing to take these drugs as directed increases the risk of cancer recurrence, death, lower quality of life and also higher health service costs, said McCowan, who was not part of the new study.
In the U.K., about 70 percent of postmenopausal women with breast cancer will be prescribed endocrine therapy, which blocks cancer cells from growing again after chemotherapy or surgery, he said. Only around half of women complete their five-year course of endocrine therapy, he said.
The side effects can cause “huge disruption to women's lives,” and women who don’t understand the benefits of the medicines may be less motivated to take them, McCowan said.
Having regular conversations with your doctors about taking endocrine therapy and any side effects, and trying to incorporate the pills into your daily routine, may help patients stick to the medication, he said.
SOURCE: http://bit.ly/1hCovR0 The Breast, July 16, 2015.
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I posted the entire article.... it's not the study.......This stupid person writing about the study---------thinks they know-------thinks they understand............a pox on them, clueless espousing a line.
What's dangerous about this brainless piece of garbage, is a woman may believe the dribble. We are subjected to poison. The poison causes harm. To diminish that harm as side effects that we should be able to tolerate. ..rip their balls or labia off
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Good for you JJ!!
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While my level of anger has diminished over the years since diagnosis/treatment (four years), I find that it doesn't take much to bring it to the fore. And, as I've mentioned before, cancer destroyed my mouth filter. Now, stuff just comes out that I would NEVER have said out loud in the years prior to cancer. I am, also, less prone to tolerating screamin' stupid. Didn't realize how much I was internalizing, until I started letting it out.
Anger is a valid emotion. Don't ever feel awful for being angry. Don't ever let anyone else tell you that you are awful for being angry. Anger can motivate you. Anger can inspire change. Anger can keep you going when everything else has failed. Anger is only toxic when it has no focus, then it can eat you alive if you let it. But anger is what kept me going through the last few rounds of chemo (and that horrible Neulasta shot), when the pain was horrendous and I just felt that I couldn't live through one more day. Anger helps me survive the annual stupidity that is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month". Anger helps me cope with the comments about karma, and "positivity" (is that even a word?), and opinions about what I should (or shouldn't) think/eat/drink/wear/do.
Someday, I may achieve some sort of serenity and state of zen, but - right now - I'm accomplishing too much by being angry!0 -
Ugh. The neulasta shot. I had an awful time with that too. During taxol, I had a lot of trouble with my sciatic nerves also.
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Yes, anger works for me too - love this jerk from Scotland - WTF is health informatics anyway - and a man to boot - how's about going to the patients and actually publishing what they're saying - I'd love to talk to one of these researchers - why don't they just get on BCO and read what we write??? Arrrrrrrrrgh!
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I am seeking suggestions for responding to someone who is always urging me to "stay positive." I don't want to be rude or offensive. I just want to shut it down quickly because I can't bear to listen to it any more.
Here's the situation: I'll be seeing a small group that includes her during the evening later this week, and I expect she will use the occasion for a lecture about how I need to keep a positive attitude. When I see her, I will be about halfway through rads. I'm already feeling quite tired at night, so this will be difficult.
She recently sent me an email telling me that this "unpleasant experience" will be a learning opportunity that will teach me how strong and capable I am! I haven't replied because I can't think of anything polite to say in response. I don't want to be harsh because I used to consider her a close friend. I don't want any drama anyway.
I would appreciate your suggestions!
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Hi Chicago
Why don't you try politely saying something like.
... 'Thank you, but Cancer doesn't have the brain cells to care either way what I feel about it....'
But I'm sure others here will have better ideas on how to reply to your friend.
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Not easy when it has to be clean and not dramatic. Thinking of the high road and haughty.
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Chicago, That is a good suggestion that gp gave you but I think I would shut all conversations about it down by saying something like, "I can stay more positive if I don't talk about and if I am not reminded about it." And if I were you I wouldn't discuss anything about your cancer with this particular friend, this is unfortunate but this is what happens...you will learn who you can lean on through this and she doesn't sound like she is the one of those people.
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GP, Sas, MusicLover: Good advice. Thanks! I've already learned that I can't rely on her for support, so I avoid the subject with her and I've stopped initiating contact with her in general, preferring to spend time with friends who are supportive and do get it.
But sometimes I can't avoid seeing her and she brings up the subject. I've been patient so far, but I'm getting so tired of her lectures and dismissive comments that I'm afraid I'm just going to let lose and tell her how I really feel one day soon!
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Try -"I am POSITIVE I have cancer. And I am POSITIVE my attitude is NOT going to change that fact. Thank you in advance for not bringing this up again."
Cancer has made me snarky. I am much more concerned about my own feelings now, and shut people down quickly who offer me advice I do not appreciate.
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BayouBabe: Love it! I am so tempted . . .
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Feel free to use as needed. No copyright infringement concerns! 
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"Thank you for asking. I prefer not to discuss it at this time".
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Queenmomcat: Sounds like the most mature answer, even if not as satisfying as some of the others. But if I really don't want any drama, I need to exercise some self-control and say something life: "Thanks for your concern. I'd rather not talk about it."
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"thank you for your concern. If you need assistance in finding a counselor, I'm here for you." .then turn away.
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not the high road. The positive one does hit that Mark.
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You could try, "Until you are in my shoes, the subject is off limits."
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Chicago: there are many things I'd rather be saying too! But a variant on the cool "I prefer not to discuss it." is what I've been trying to do. At least for the first time. If they press, then escalate a bit.
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