Light from around the world for LongTermSurvivor/Stephanie
Comments
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Dear Stephanie ~
My friend sent me this picture and I couldn't help but think of you. It was taken in Nashua, NH at daybreak. A simple neighborhood, no fancy camera work, an unexpected sight. Could this be a glimpse of the veil? The endless blue sky above, the bubble surrounding the earth below, thinly separated by the radiance of light....a subtle rainbow shining beauty above and below?
As the eye follows the path of the road ahead a crossroads comes into view. A place for contemplation? A choice of which path to choose?
Oh Dear Teacher; you have taught so many, so well. Love, kindness, wonder, humble awe at all that surrounds us. And most importantly......when it is time to pause at the crossroads, all paths lead to peace.
The Universe awaits to embrace you with love, peace, comfort....adventure and joy.
Thank you for the power of your words, the wisdom you have shared. Thank you for teaching us to be brave ourselves, to reach out to one another with love and compassion.
Blessed be your transition, your journey to new wonders.
Comfort, Peace and Love,
Shep
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Dearest Stephanie,
After a long period of lurking, you made the decision to join bco where you have shared so much of yourself. Your wise and gentle posts have inspired and supported so many, and your community of friends now spans the globe. After your transition, your words and spirit will linger forever, as will your kindness and memory.
Thank you for all you have done.
Go in peace, dearest friend. And may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
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Thank you Stephanie for all your words of wisdom, understanding, support and love. You have aided so many of us and our families. Much Love Bev
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Stephanie,
You have forever changed all of us. A piece of you is in all of us. As a result of that, all those that come in contact with us will be impacted as well. What a life!!!!! I wish I was better with words. But coming from my heart.
I love you
Mary Anne
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Praying for your gentle wings today, Stephanie. Godspeed.
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Thinking of you, Stephanie.
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Praying that you feel the healing touch today, no matter what happens.
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I still have a few minutes to write...looks like I won't physically die today, though definitely dying to many parts of life, undergoing dramatic inner upheaval invisible to most...ok, behavior is different. No interest in the outside world, even the presidential election as reported here in Deux and at Joe My God queer news site. It all looks like the same old to me.
Also, I had a few weeks of practical preparation, nesting, where I did everything from set-up my end of life care kit to writing copious instructions to teaching/learning caregivers how to navigate my cottage and personal care. I felt I had to cull out my caregivers to include only those I feel emotionally trusting to care for me how I wish. Was surprised to drop many old, intimate friends and even those who've taken good care of me for months now. Part of my intuitive weeding out was based on their ability to be centered on me, not themselves.
This is my final adventure of life and I've had to be a bit ruthless in getting an inner circle who can work well together to support me!
Really helps to trust the remaining caregivers to "get my back".
Life would be so much simpler, should I have a trusted mate who'd do these things.
But I live alone and have several caregivers, not many.
This is my grand finale.
I liken it to having trained for months for it, like Dancing With the Stars (I've never watched TV, but saw bits of the season's grand finale with my ex who was a ballroom dancer and taken with that episode. I read a book and came in periodically to cuddle with her. Why watch dancing, when one could let the music take one?)
Anyway, I'm ready to do and die and die trying to die.
Although physical death hasn't come to me, my dying on many levels culminates today. You can read about it on my personal blog update written a few hours ago titled, "Love You Forever, Bye for now." Just click my avatar or name to link to blog.
If you thought I wrote a lot at bco, you'd be surprised to learn not.
What would you do with the final minutes of your life?
Probably not a stream-of-consiousness writing like I've chosen.
Friends, I've learned so much about faith, service, light, love, life and death with you. I've learned about when members chose aggressive treatment out of fear of death and when they choose for love of life, often to serve those they love. Mothers of young and/or differently abled children still make me cry - I wish there were a time bank where I could donate hours of my life to these loved, loving and beloved women, mothers.
I understand so much better the fear and loathing of death that govern our modern culture and have appreciated your acceptance of me for showing my love and tending of both life and death.
Being able to tend that paradox for you to witness is a great joy. Watching it flow through my life only strengthens me.
If I survive the night, as I physically will, I expect to wake with my deeper, soul-spirit essence polished up a bit. What draws me are fun, play, laughter, being with those I love in a lighter way.
I can still sit with the mourning, grieving and loneliness who think they must endure without me. Long story, but many of my friends are well into their 60s and 70s and consider mortality the enemy, not an intimate friend.
Well, I've only minutes left and I want to spend them chuckling in prayer, promising to come home soon and to be patient and serve and laugh and play while I patiently wait.
Apologies in advance for typos and unclear thinking.
I've got better things to do than proof read. I will enjoy them loving and appreciating you too, dear friends of the soul. Thank you for your en-courage-ment.
Thank you for this place of love, caring and sharing, Stephanie
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Oh Stephanie, again I thank you for sharing your thoughts and spirit with us.
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Autumn looks initially like a time of death and decay.
But it is really a time of culmination and promises fulfilled.
A time of ripeness and harvest
Of bearing fruit and shedding.
A glimse of paradise.
These are all photos from an Irish Autumn taken yesterday.
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This family stopped to say goodbye before migrating wherever they go. I do not wonder where that is as I know it is a better place. I do not ask why as it is the flow of life which is beautiful and mysterious. All wonderful and beautiful things eventually come to an end in this life moving on beyond our understanding. I breath deeply in gratitude for the beauty I experience in life today. You, Stephanie, are part of that beauty. Your knowledge, peace, love, sharing and accepting thoughts are a blessing to me as well as others who have come to love you. Rest peacefully dear Stephanie waiting for the next glorious stage of your being. Hugs, Juli
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Stephanie - Thank you for teaching me that death is part of life. Nothing to fear, just something that brings intensity to the moments we have here. My aunt reminds me frequently that the veil between this life and the next is thin. Enjoy your wings and keep in touch. I'll be looking out for you.
>Z<
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Stephanie
Thank you for all you've done for all of us. May your wings come soon, as you wish .
Bab
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High Flight
John Gillespie Magee, Jr
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, --and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of --Wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air...
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark or even eagle flew --
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.0 -
I just wrote this and sent to my belly mets sisters. I want to share my joy with you, because it's so seldom spoken or written about by those at the end-of-life.
xxx
Sending great waves of love, appreciation and healing for all at bco.
Though I'm the sickest of us, am at death's doorstep medically speaking, I feel like I may be among those with the highest quality of life.
A recent turn of events has led to a rebirth of my full self. Have dropped the recent problem finding and problem solving approach to life. Have admitted my mind can't do that now.
Underneath is love, joy, fun, appreciation, gratitude, humor. I feel as though my light has emerged from beneath a bushel basket, to get all biblical on you.
I wish you such feelings while you continue to investigate and pursue aggressive treatment options.
This isn't most folks' path, but I'm having a wonderful time of life.
Of course, I'm healed by my Circle of Care, hospice team, spiritual practices of decades and god working through human acts of love, kindness and caring.
I am so grateful!!!
Loving kindness, Stephanie
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Thank God! You are fantastic Stephanie.
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Thank God for bringing Stephanie into our lives and showing us all how to embrace what life we have left and rejoice at the thought of soon returning to our heavenly Father with joy and love. Praying for a beautiful peaceful passing for you to the next wonderful life with Our Lord.
Love and prayers to all, Faith (in the future)
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Morning Clouds this morning.
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Stephanie - Thinking of you several times a day. Your light is very very bright in this world even as you step off into the next.
>Z<
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Stephanie, there are no words for your beautiful light. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Brenda E
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Stephanie: Your light and love is amazing. I have seen and felt it since I first knew you, through this site, and I will see and feel you forever in the sun and stars. Peace and love, love, love to you. I am striving to learn what you have learned. You are a being I will always know, in some way, and I am grateful I encountered you in this world. xo
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Thinking of you tonight and wishing you peace and comfort. It's a hard road and you showed us so much grace. There's a star out there with your name on it. Shine on. Sleep well.
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For What Binds Us
There are names for what binds us:strong forces, weak forces.
Look around, you can see them:
the skin that forms in a half-empty cup,
nails rusting into the places they join,
joints dovetailed on their own weight.
The way things stay so solidly
wherever they've been set down—
and gravity, scientists say, is weak.
And see how the flesh grows back
across a wound, with a great vehemence,
more strong
than the simple, untested surface before.
There's a name for it on horses,
when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh,
as all flesh,
is proud of its wounds, wears them
as honors given out after battle,
small triumphs pinned to the chest—
And when two people have loved each other
see how it is like a
scar between their bodies,
stronger, darker, and proud;
how the black cord makes of them a single fabric
that nothing can tear or mend.
Jane Hirshfield, "For What Binds Us" from Of Gravity & Angels. Copyright © 1988 by Jane Hirshfield0 -
Stephanie you made it to November 8th!! Susan B Anthony will be smiling. You will see the results of years of hard work. Blessings to you and great peace. I saw that despite being at death's door you posted. Just like you to reach out. ((Hugs))
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Stephanie - thinking of you. Glad to have one more day to say thank you.
>Z<
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Morning sky.
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Deep, deep love and awe for all.
I realized that being at death's doorstep for years has made me an amazing metabolizer and healer of difficult emotions and challenging symptoms and unwanted treatment effects.
The election in the USA spun me through cycles of grief which felt like stunned, disbelieving, sinking, powerlessness, looking for explanations and solutions to what is beyond my knowing or control and then to faith, love, trust, reaching out for the spirit and my loved ones to say, thank you, I love you, we need one another now more than ever.
I will hold you in my arms, offer hand hugs, reach across the artificial distance of the internet and keyboard. And when I'm dead, I will work with you across death's threshold, just as I've worked with "my dead".
In the vast arc of history, this is another challenging period that will last for many years....and love still may prevail over hatred and fear.
I believe in democracy and don't take it for granted, am willing to work for life, healing, love and connection.
And I'm willing to stay the course with the emotions coursing through my body-being.
so much love & light, Stephanie
PS, as my body digests itself, ketones are released into my blood stream and I'm euphoric or in ecstasy from those ketones....think of fasting religious devotees of many millennia who seek and see god through fasting. That's what's happening chemically for me now, lest I sound like I'm inebriated. I neither imbibe or inhale, but am metabolizing myself, my flesh, my muscles and what I thought was me.
Ah death, you've given me a life worth living.
big love, Stephanie
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Ah, Stephanie, I hear you about the election. This is not the place to discuss it, and I won't start, but I definitely hear you. I'm going to be talking to you about it a lot. Be prepared.
Ketones. Interesting that when I am eating properly, I produce them because a low carb diet will put you in Ketosis. For me it's a good thing (properly managed). It's hard for me, at this time, to get into that state but yes, you do get a "feel good" from them. Enjoy it. You certainly do NOT sound inebriated at all. You are still the ever-peaceful voice of reason, and I am so glad that we "met" here.
In sisterhood,
JJ
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Hi Stephanie - I just went with rum to get me through the night. It's good to know starving myself into ketosis-induced euphoria is an option.
We do need each other more than ever right now. Glad to see your note tonight. Amazed you can write so eloquently about dying and bring us along. Thank you.
>Z<
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