My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️
We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!
Comments
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Micmel, I am not sure how old you are. I was in my early 50s when diagnosed. It took me a long time to process my changed life. One way I dealt with the sadness was to keep a journal, writing three pages in the morning of any and everything on my mind. It helps get thoughts in order and I can't recommend it highly enough.
I think if I go before my husband, he is the type to find female company. I see it happen a lot in our small town. I have mixed feelings about it, but it is what it is. And I think dh is the type to have a woman take advantage of him, so he may not weather the new relationship thing so well.
But I most often do not even think about it.We have been married 25+ years and there is love and respect and a history we have together. As I continue living with this disease, I am more about me. Yep, I lovemy husband, son and all family and friends, but I am still allowed to have a life and live for me. I seek meaningful interactions with people I am close to and like trying new things, even simple new things (like going to the pool today by myself for the first time) and continuing to havenice times and memorable times with my loved ones. I simply cannot spend much time worrying about that which I cannot control.
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Divine~ Thank you, I am 47 and was diagnosed at 45. The bottom dropped out of my world and while it was spinning, the only one who held onto me, was him. He has been the only constant thing in my life, since I have been gifted and blessed enough to find him. Even though he drives me crazy sometimes. I adore him like no other. They say there is only one. I know for me it's him. Always has been right from the day I laid eyes on him. I may try a journal, sounds like a good idea. I have to find someplace to put all my sadness and emotion because the grief makes me feel like I am not able to really live any sort of life, because I am always so deeply broken and sad In the inside. And sex.....? Another thing I am just so broken. I can't seem to pick myself up. And live this life that I one day just woke up with. Thank you for sharing how you cope. It means a lot. Hugs ~M~
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Divine~ Thank you, I am 47 and was diagnosed at 45. The bottom dropped out of my world and while it was spinning, the only one who held onto me, was him. He has been the only constant thing in my life, since I have been gifted and blessed enough to find him. Even though he drives me crazy sometimes. I adore him like no other. They say there is only one. I know for me it's him. Always has been right from the day I laid eyes on him. I may try a journal, sounds like a good idea. I have to find someplace to put all my sadness and emotion because the grief makes me feel like I am not able to really live any sort of life, because I am always so deeply broken and sad In the inside. And sex.....? Another thing I am just so broken. I can't seem to pick myself up. And live this life that I one day just woke up with. Thank you for sharing how you cope. It means a lot. Hugs ~M~
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MicMel- do you have children? I have a different concern about DH, I love him dearly but he is definitely the type who would need to have a partner by his side in life, no matter how old he may be when I am gone. My concern is how to create an inheritance for my kids-in our system he will inherit the $$$ and the house, and can do with it as he wishes. Most likely, he will re-marry someone who already has kids, and my children would then only inherit a portion of the estate that I leave behind, and then only after his death and/or potentially the death of his second spouse ( if she even decides to leave anything to my kids). Legally I am surprised to find that there seems to be very little I can do about it, unless I want to get a divorce, it's crazy.
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I don't believe that is true If you are in a community property state. Your husband legally inherits half of your estate in that case. You can do what you wish with the other half. You can leave it in trust for your children and have a 3rd party as the trustee (like a sister). Please do see an attorney.
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Micmel, this is one topic that not only breaks my, it drives me crazy. I met my husband when I was 14. We have been together every since. Obviously we have our disagreements but other than that I have had a fairy tale life. The thought of another lady moving into my space haunts me. We have discussed this multiple times. He says it will never happen, I think it will because he's a good catch. Plus he is still young to think he will not want a partner. He's 58. I can't say I don't think about it anymore, but like Ms Divine says, you can't control it. It might have became easier when I went on anti anxiety and antidepressants. If you are not taking something, I strongly recommend it. I also have mixed emotions about this. I want him to find happiness cause he deserves it. If that helps then maybe that eases the pain. I'm not sure there is a good answer to this. I can't wait to see what others say. Wishing you the best. Enjoy the moment.
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Kandy~Cureious~minus two~ Thank you for all of your responses. I wrestle with this every single waking moment. I had to make a thread about it, to see how others cope and maybe what the heck I am doing wrong. I do have children, one DD who is 21, one DSwho is 20, and a SS from my DHs prior marriage. who is 16. We have a beautifully blended family and with our kids blood means nothing. It's a sweet loving caring family that We have made. I don't come from a close family at all, so for me this was it in many ways. My little oasis. I try to talk myself out offthe ledge everyday and I can totally relate to the estate issues. I want to make sure my kids are well taken care of and I don't want some other woman reaping the joys of my family. I never even thought about that until you just brought it up. As you can see I am newly into this line of thinking. It sends me into a dark panic room and no one has the key. I don't want to be selfish and say I want him alone because that would be mean. But I also don't want to think of a time where he would just be ok without me by his side. Like I was never there. I am also afraid I would never Rest In Peace without loving him. Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I looked all around for a thread to express these emotions. Wether they are emotional or relationship anger, confusion, sexual frustrations or anxieties about trying again after treatments. I needed a place to talk about these things with people who understand. So thank you all. 💐💐gn ~M~
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Micmel, I too struggle with the thought of my husband being alone and sad when I die. I love and adore him, he is my lover, my husband, my best friend. We are together 24/7, and never run out of things to talk or laugh about. We live in a remote area, we have no neighbours, his children (adults) live in a different state. It breaks my heart to think of him being so alone, no one to talk to, no one to hold him.
This is where our paths diverge. I want him to get married again or at least find a partner. He will probably live another 25 years or so, way too long to be alone. He says he doesn't want some one else, and will be fine by himself. I think humans are social creatures, we need companionship and physical contact. I want someone to love him and care for him.
This whole subject is the only thing that DH and I disagree on. I tell him, if you find someone new and she moves in, let her redecorate if she wants to, let her make it her home too, promise me you won't turn the place into some sort of shrine. If you meet someone a week after I die, go for it. All he says is that there will never be anyone else, that depresses me.
Anyhow, I hope you don't mind me joining your thread. It is something that is causing us both angst, even coming at it from opposing views.
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Freya~ I need any view and every view for me to able to live through this awful sense of loss that I have already. He tells me the same things. That for him, I am it , and he doesn't even mind being alone. I guess either way I look at, it shatters me into splinters that cannot be put back together. I have always wanted nothing but happiness for him. I wanted nothing More that to Be that one forever, and My heart cannot be told another ending or it will just cease to exsist. You're a wonderfully uplifting and strong woman. I appreciate your feelings and thoughts and would want any opinion, any thought and shared suggestion. I just believed that this was one topic i noticed wasn't a part of the stage four forums, this topic scares me more than any procedure, and I have always known I could never be on this earth without him. With this happening, and changing what we thought was our future together sends me into a dark place alone. Because at the end of our lives, we all go alone,And all I have ever wanted was to be with him. Always. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. They help tremendously. ~ M~
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Micmel - your post could have been written by me when I was first diagnosed almost 3 years ago at 41. I've never been a jealous person, but I couldn't stop thinking about someone else taking my place and living my life. It made me more sad than having cancer! I even had a dream once about my husband bringing another woman to a party. I woke up so mad at him!
These feelings are natural. We have so much to digest, and leaving our loved ones prematurely is a difficult one. I can say that over time I started thinking about it less and less. I can't say I'm thrilled by the idea of him meeting someone else, but I wouldn't want him to be alone. Now I try to concentrate on enjoying today, making memories, and basking in his love for as long as possible. What happens after is up to him.
I still get jealous of old couples though. I want that so much.
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"I still get jealous of old couples though. I want that so much."
OH me too. I want to be 80 or more and strolling down the street holding hands. Mind you at this stage, getting to 60 would be wonderful (7 years away).
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I can't even handle watching the damn commercials that always are couples themed. The sandals commercials where the water is so blue you gasp, or the hikes in the mountains, where you stop to take in the sights and look over at your person. And smile, lost in that moment. Like WTF???? I found him, and we fell in love. I don't want that to change. I want to love him forever and I want to run on the beach with him and feel that happiness and laughter as we get along wonderfully like we always have and do. Nothing gets to us. Nothing. We are strong and I mean strong. We have had both families coming at us during our divorces at the same time. We were both going through an awful divorce and found each other. Here we are going on year 15. And we never looked back. He is everything I could imagine as that young girl wondering about her prince coming to save her. Well that really happened with me. He did save me. Literally. I come from a crappie family and they are basically non existent, so I made my own family. Now look? Idiot x husband who lives in mommys basement, and still pays me child support for a 21 and 20 year old 🤢🤢. I know it's that bad. Then I find an actual man who for the first time does what he says he will do, and loves me unconditionally? I am Forced with loosing? We all hope we are that one or one hundred that ibrance stretches over the projected medium. But I just can't imagine this has happened. Thank you all for sharing. Sometimes putting it out there for my eyes to see helps me process. Everyone loves , everyone matters, I want everyone to share here their fears or triumphs in relationships and families. Because sometimes it's damn hard. Hugs ~M~
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For me, I choose not to dwell on the possibilities that may occur after I am gone. I have told dh it is okay to find someone new, but don't go around bragging about having lots of sex. Because several older men in our small town have done that after their wives passed and they got a girlfriend, and a bunch of us women were like, "Eww...." And I even suspect dh will go looking for sympathy sex, you know, "poor me, my wife died." Its not above him. I told him I don't want some woman taking his money, and said if that happens, I will come back to haunt him. I want my son to inherit what was ours. Dh doesnt understand that a woman might see he has a good pension and a house and latch on to him. Men can be clueless at times.
Rather than picture someone else in my place, tho, I get busy doing things with dh and we have had many, many, many good times and done all kinds of wonderful things since mbc, not because of mbc but in spite of it. I am not going to give mbc the satisfaction of robbing me of my life before it is time to go. I stay as present minded as I can, something I have gotten better at these past few years.
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mcmel,
Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. I haven't had the luck to find that kind of love and it's doubtful that I ever will, but I do have lots of love and happiness in my life. Your feelings are completely normal and recognizing that is a good thing. Have you had any counseling? One thing that seems important, to me, is dealing with those feelings but then learning how to enjoy life despite bc. I just hit the 6 year mark and am as happy and fulfilled as anyone with stage IV can be. I did not know I would live 6 years beyond my dx and have no idea how much longer I've got but am so glad I let go of what I couldn't control and chose to seek happiness (even if it was not what I imagined my life would be like). Antidepressants and the occasional Ativan help too!
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Micmel, I know it's easier said than done, but I would concentrate on doing all those things you want to do together, make as many memories as possible. Enjoy the moment. There is plenty of time to worry about stuff when/if it happens.
So go run on the beach, dance by moonlight, and give an extra hug and kiss every day for no reason.
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Thank you ladies from the bottom of my heart. I thought this thread may help not only myself, but anyone else who has those fears and worries or just want to let it all out when someone who is in your life pisses you off, upsets you or even thrills you to no end. I wanted to share the sweet things as well, and hearing each and everyone of your thoughts matter to me because, you all understand. I think the only way to find unconditional understanding is a place where each and everyday we are faced with maybe a new thought or emotion. That's how it has been for me. Without this place in life, I would feel as if I was waiting for a ride to begin, and it doesn't ever begin because, I am the only One holding a ticket to this specific ride. But you ladies understand. I have been to counseling. I truly believe something this deep and heartbreaking has to be gone through in real time, I can't sit in front of someone and just feel better. I need to learn from people who are walking along with me. Make sense? ~M~
Thank you again ladies.
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Micmel, It is truly amazing in some ways how our minds work. It takes us to dark places so we get a glimpse, and then we can work through that and hopefully find some peace or come to terms with it. You are right, we do need to work though these things. The time to be concerned for our mental health is if we get stuck in these dark places and can't find a way out.
It is hard watching someone go through so much pain, your posts were so raw and heartfelt. The first instinct is to want to take away the pain and make someone feel better. That can come across as cheap platitudes, not what was intended at all. Emotions, they are such a minefield. I never know what to say, other people on here are so much better at it. In life, I hug a lot and don't say too much
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Freya~ I thank you for the kind words. I enjoy reading people's thoughts. It helps me with my thought process. I don't think I'll ever be ok with not being with my DH, and I don't even know if I would everrest in peace without him. Part of the torture is the unknowns. But if I am honest everyone lives with unknowns.....sick or not! I think you're pretty good at conveying your thoughts!! ~M~
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I go through the same thing, I dwell on it. But our youngest two are special needs and at least one of them will be in the house forever, so inorder for anyone to step in they would have to want to take on that. I also worry about if that person will be good to them, I hear so many evil step mother stories. Our household is tough to run and I really worry how he will do it on his own, I don't work and just taking care of stuff is a full time job. SO it would need to be someone really special to step in here...not sure how he would find time to date anyway with these two,,,
Yes I don't need it to be a shrine to me here, but I don't want to be forgotten. It is tough to think I will not be growing old with him and someone else being there..
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Keet~ I can understand the kids dynamic, mine are older but they look at him as their father. I get worried that whoever he ends up with would isolate my children. I don't want them alone in this shitty world because somehow it was decided I would die way earlier than one would ever expect? Grrrrr. And you're precious children same thing. Makes me so mad. Thank you for sharing that with us, that is a very deep issue! Hugs ~M~
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The issue is real deep Micmel, Our middle dd is non verbal and has a cognitive disability, our youngest has a genetic disorder (same one that caused my breast cancer,) she is Emma. Emma has 9 brain tumors and has had 23 brain surgeries in last 10 years, she also is legally blind, has lots of issues from the TBI, she also is legally blind. we never thought we would see 15 with her, so not sure what the future will bring..The issue is REALLY big...like not sure how he would keep working when something happens to me not alone dating..
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Keet~I want to say god bless you and your family for facing these odds, no less having had something like this hit your entire family so hard. It's times like this that question my faith and make me wonder why on earth any being or god would anyone allow such pain and trials in one persons life, or one family. I mean enough Is enough. I would also like to say that god doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I Am sick of hearing that myself, so I just can't even even bring myself to say it to you because, that would be hypocritical. I will say you're an amazing woman, and whatever my prayers can do, I will and am certainly offering them. Thank you for sharing with me. I know sometimes talking about things can be easy for some, but for others. Like me, facing this harsh reality is where I would like my other best friend denial to take over. I don't know which one is worse. I am sending gentle hugs. ~M~
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Life is full of trials and it seems that some of us get more than our share. You're right in saying that sitting in front of someone and talking won't, in and of itself , make it better but it can give you tools to cope with your feelings and get the most out of life even with stage IV bc. Finding the right person or group is key. My point is that although your feelings are valid, finding a way to enjoy life in spite of stage IV is very good for your health, your family and all of that love you have.
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I join in with y'all having a special needs child. My youngest has Down syndrome and will live with us until both are gone. This is even a worse topic for me. She will be devastated when something happens to me. It does bring up a lot of other issues as far as someone else taking care of her. And how could he date. But everyone loves her so any decent person wouldn't have an issue with her. I think the whole situation is heart breaking. Take care ladies. Enjoy the
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It is amazing how so many lives are touched by this evil disease. I always have a broken heart when I think about children that have a parent that is thee one that has been there since birth. The one who does everything for the family day in and day out. My kids are older. 21,20,16. I always thought in my mind at least they didn't have chubby fists and sitting in their high chairs. I realize for some ladies and men that is exactly what has happened. I don't for one second forget that. It makes my heart bleed. As if my heart hadn't been kicked and torn apart, bruised, ripped in two and left beating on the floor throughout all I have been through and witnessed here,and here we are still fighting like women with everything we have. Through whatever cloud is over our heads, you are all amazing creatures and I appreciate all the insights and any single thought you may have throughout this hard walk we walk. That is such an issue, one that there once again are truly no words. Just feelings of sadness and despair for you all. I would never want worrying to be apart of everyone's day more than it has to be. The bottom line is cancer sucks and I hate it. Hugs to you strong women. ~M~
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I met my husband almost 20 yrs ago through a mutual friend and we've been married 17 yrs this x-mas eve. He is 8.5 yrs older than I and is the outgoing, adventurous one, while I am shy and practical. I got so lucky with him as he thinks I'm the greatest thing ever and should be worshipped. We have dogs instead of human children, so thankfully that isn't a concern but I fear that my passing will cause him to stop taking care of himself completely (I have to nag him more than I like about diet, sleep, etc) and he will descend into depression, isolation, illness and early death. My friends will be ok, my family sucks so whatever but I worry for my DH and at 42 and 50, we still have lots of living to do.
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I feel the same Mae, I love my DH. Sounds like you have a keeper also. I think you should be treated as a goddess we all should. That's a long time to be together and I pray we are all here to love our family. I was just laying here with DH making sure to remember every line of his face. I hope time helps me with my constant sadness. I need to find a way to enjoy my days. However many I am given. Thanks for sharing your story! ~M~
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today my DH, the angel he is sat with me and talked to me about how I am his person also. Tears flowed like they had no way to be turned off. The love that I felt for this man is of nothing I have ever known. His gentle ways, his sweet kisses. My best friend in the world. I don't know honestly how one woman could be so cursed and so blessed in life at the same time. I have a beautiful family that I adore. I had met my DH online. We met on MSN chat. And we would talk for hours and laugh. But we waited over a year to ever meet, things back then were new with the internet and such. He came to fix my computer, because it was on the fritz... I wasn't happy and was in the midst of a divorce and much to my future , so was he. It was as they say love at first sight. He treated me like a queen, really showed me what a man should be like and how a man who has his shit together should actually behave. I was blown away and still everyday I find new things to be in love with him all over Again and again. He made me want to be a better woman. He still does. I wish there was a way he would know how deeply in love I am with him and how much loving him and him choosing me has meant to me without just words. He has never been about just words. He's been about actions. Which is how real men are. He has shown me happiness and security I never knew I was missing until him. Not as a child, not even my first marriage. But I found everything in this one beautiful man. I will spend every waking breath loving him and feeling so honored, that I have been loved like this during my life. I have told him this "if I die in your arms, I will have died in heaven already". He means more to me than anything I've have ever known and he is the best person I have ever known in my 47 years of being on this earth. I pray all of you have felt this kind of love. I just am on a journey separate from cancer to find a way to let it go and not lose my mind or give up actually living while I am still able. I am paralyzed with fear of leaving this precious man. Of mine.... rest well ~M~ Bless all of you and your beautiful families.
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Micmel,
You wanted to hear about stories behind the person. I am married to my best friend, soulmate and super-mom. I'm a Canadian and she is from Taiwan, we met in Canada, then I moved to Taiwan to teach English. We started dating, fell in love, got married and had kids, though not necessarily in that particular order haha. After 4 years of marriage she still makes me laugh, we still hold hands and we recently had a second baby. We pretty much live in one bedroom and a living room but we were happy.
My wife was recently diagnosed stage 4 cancer. (de novo, which means she had it before her check up)... Just came out of nowhere, no history, no symptoms, generally healthy, 29 years old. Her prognosis is luminal B cancer, a quite aggressive one. It sucks and we spent the first three weeks straight crying and desperately searching for spirituality, thinking about the worst case scenarios. It gets better though. After the emotions flood forth, it leaves you stronger than you were before.
Excuse me if you've heard this before, but I think this anecdote is apt in this case. One day my daughter came to me telling me of how hard her school life was. She desperately wanted to give up, so I took 3 pots, filled them with water and put them on the stove. In one pot I put an egg. In another I put a potato and in the last, some coffee beans. When they had cooked, I took them out and asked her to look at each one. Some people are like the egg. They starts soft inside but when things get difficult, it becomes hard inside. Some people are like the potato. They start hard inside but after things get difficult they get soft and weak. The coffee beans however come out just the way they were put in, but they were able to change the situation around them. This is what we should strive to do.
Soon, you'll accept what life has dealt you, as we did. It could take some time; there will be good days and bad days. But after a while, I really believe this experience can summon your inner fortitude to enjoy each day, never hold back, and make amazing new memories with your family. You'll cherish the small things even more and when you get enough good days, you'll realize how actually you were strong enough all along to fight that ****ing cancer. It creates a positive feedback loop because your mental health and positivity increase your ability to fight cancer, which creates better results which makes for more positivity. Just keep fighting abd don't stop until science has an ACTUAL cure, not just a treatment. Maybe even carve out some time to read the articles. These are not "fake news" These are taken from scientific journals which have been cited. Bear in mind that in none of these articles do they say they are "close" to finding a cure. However the words "promising, ground-breaking, within reach" are thrown around. *I'm apparently not allowed to link the articles, but you can just google them.
-Salinomycin as a Drug for Targeting Human Cancer Stem Cells
Promising results from preclinical trials in human xenograft mice and a few clinical pilote studies reveal that salinomycin is able to effectively eliminate CSCs and to induce partial clinical regression of heavily pretreated and therapy-resistant cancers. The ability of salinomycin to kill both CSCs and therapy-resistant cancer cells may define the compound as a novel and an effective anticancer drug.
-Advances on immunotherapy in breast cancer
.... Several large clinical trials have tested the use of various forms of immunotherapy in breast cancer such as checkpoint inhibitors, adoptive T cell therapy, vaccines and adjunctive immunotherapy, all of which have shown promising results. This review article highlights the advances of immunotherapy in breast cancer and discusses the future research needed to be conducted to unveil the full potential of these drugs.
-New possible target for cancer treatment
....The scientists turned the gene switches off by removing this region from the mouse genome, and found that its loss has no effect on normal mouse development and growth. Although removing the gene switch region brought down the levels of the nearby cancer gene Myc, the mice remained normal and healthy. However, the mice were strongly resistant to the formation of breast tumours and tumours in the intestine. According to the scientists, these results show that normal cells can function and divide without the genetic elements that are needed for the growth of cancer cells. The study therefore highlights the possibility of developing highly specific cancer drugs.
-Checkpoint Inhibitors in Breast Cancer: Hype or Promise?
....I think that checkpoint inhibitors are extremely promising in breast cancer. First, these agents have relatively few significant side effects compared with cytotoxic chemotherapy, which is important from a quality-of-life perspective. Second, for patients with breast cancer who do respond, the responses seem to be durable. This is completely unlike conventional chemotherapy, whereby drug resistance occurs in a relatively predictable way over time. To see durable responses in patients with chemotherapy-resistant triple-negative breast cancer, for example, is a tremendous innovation. Women with chemotherapy-refractory triple-negative breast cancer typically have a poor prognosis, and so the observation of responses in this setting that are durable—potentially beyond the 1-year mark—is remarkable.
We are still learning how to apply and refine immunotherapy strategies for the treatment of breast cancer, and the successful identification of biomarkers of response is needed. However, the data reported to date are certainly encouraging. The possibility of durable, tumor-specific response—and thus, cure—now appears to be within reach.
-Two years on for our pioneering TRACERx lung cancer study
.....The second trial, DARWIN II, will offer people a range of drugs targeted to faults in other genes, such as BRAF or Her2, to see if they can help. And patients whose tumours don't carry any of these faults, will be offered treatment with one of a new class of immunotherapy drug called 'checkpoint inhibitors'.
And it's this area – immunotherapy – that Swanton thinks holds immense promise.
"In the last couple of years, we've really seen how drugs that target the immune system can produce dramatic responses in some patients and they're becoming standard treatments in lung cancer. So the work we're doing with Sergio Quezada's lab at UCL is something I'm really excited about," says Swanton.
"If we can work out how to harness the knowledge we're generating in TRACERx to find immunotherapies that benefit more patients, then I think we're really going to be onto something big."
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GLim~ I adore the fact that you found your person. It makes me smile to hear how love finds one another. It's the only thing keeping me going if I am honest. The love of my precious family. Sounds like your family is preciously special as well, every story is beautiful, every story gives me hope that truly there is goodness in a sea of worry and pain for some of us as we battle this disease. I too, was basically stage four at diagnosis, they just didn't know all the scan results at the time. It all came crashing down and we were left sitting in a pile of rubble, which was the life we always knew. Blown up within two weeks. Thank you for taking the time to share with me, I enjoy hearing love stories. I am a hopeless romantic! I also enjoyed all the information on what could quite possibly save our lives in the future. Bless you all ~M~
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I have been speaking to many people everywhere I go about this, and I guess like everything, it's a split down the middle , some break apart and lay on the ground at just the thought of leaving their loved one behind, along with the the reality of them eventually finding someone else. Some were ok with them finding someone else to love, and that the overall consensus was for the ones that were ok with their partners finding someone else, was they didn't want their spouse to be alone... I have been thinking about this set of circumstances and how for me this topic is in fact harder for me, than the actual having of cancer itself. Harder than loosing my hair, harder than not ever knowing what happened to My breast and why it had to be taken from me and in such a harsh way? Left with a scar, and an abdomen that looks like a road map. Removing the one isolated liver tumor because I am "sooo" young. It's all a big blur, the chemo that would stop a train, and did. My toe nails that probably will never be the same. Have no clue what eye brows are anymore. But through all the fog, through all that horrible disfigurement,(because that's what it is) there HE was. Still the same, still tripping me as I walked by him on the way to bathroom, because He knows it has always made me crack up. Or the big huge pot of homemade chicken soup he makes for me because it's my favorite. He was still my sweet man. Never faltering for one second NEVER. He has been my rock, my soul, my breath for going on 15 blessed years, I want 40 more. I am more in love with him today, than I have ever known in my locked protected heart. I haven't had good men as examples in my life to compare or see in action, ofwhat a man should be. Took many failed, bad endings to find the one good, beautiful love, that I simply cannot Be without. I cannot control the sorrow I feel, I cannot look at every woman that walks by, and not think to my broken heart "will she be the one , when I am gone?" Not only Is my body broken. My entire person Is broken, I feel as if I have already died, but Am forced to wake up in this pit of despair as my eyes open and it crashes right back, like an ocean with seaweed left covering me in it's wake, so strong as it leaves me behind in my own personal island hell. ~M ~
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What a heartfelt post Micmel
Your pain and feelings of isolation come right through your post here and your recent one on Steam Room for anger.
Strangely , I have always felt like that too, seeing the pain of the world very keenly, right across the natural realm (including the human one).
You can become almost too sensitive. We need to guard ourselves in order to get through life, (not preaching to you) just saying what has often been said to me.
Don't go to the dark places, don't think too much!!!
If you do, this world will surely disappoint you.
I pray you find your peace and can stay with your wonderful DH for many, many, many years to come.
Hugs,
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wow all of this is how my brain is working as well I have been married to the love of my life for 30 years. We have 3 wonderful kids in their 20,s. I always imagined I would at least make it to my 70's like the other women in my family, many in their 80's. I will likely be the youngest to die. I have so many mixed feelings about my husband. I get so sad and jealous about him moving on. I get worried like Divine that he is the type to get taken advantage of. I already see local divorcees sniffing the air so to speak. To imagine him kissing hugging and having fun with another has me twisting in the wind. Yet to imagine him alone, maybe drinking too much being sad is awful too. I worry that some woman will come with other grown kids who will rip off My too kind husband. Or alienating my kids. Taking what isn't theirs. Changing the will. I think of him married to another that pur shared friends just LOVE! I am afraid she will seem so fresh and lovely after all my illness. I am afraid I will slowly fade from memory i keep making photo albums for my family as well as individual journals And new art pieces but nothing right now eases my pain except to try and not dwell on i
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Good~ you hit the nail on the head, I have absolutely become toosensitive to the entire subject. No matter what I say or think, nothing helps. That is why I started this thread because I want to hear of everyone's love stories and precious family. I decided this is my journal place and all of my heart wrenching days will be here for me. If anyone has some they need to let out or share. I am right here to understand and yell with or cry with. I believe that what I experience is PTSD. And some days I am just lost. I see familiar faces, but they all look at me the same. Blank and scared. Often even looking to me to reassure them in some way. I feel like everything has been taken from me. I don't know why. I feel like I have nothing left, and cannot imagine this type of mental suffering for however long I have left. It's a deep seeded Terror we all have. Just my problem is I am facing it decades sooner than I ever ever imagined possible. My worst nightmare has arrived a year and a half ago and I am helpless to stop it. Slowly it kills me. Not only physically, but mentally, and devastatingly emotionally. I am helplessly left with little hope for the future. Just simply exsisting day to day. ~M~
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I so agree with y'all. This subject is one of the hardest things to work through. I met my DH when I was 14. We have been together every since. We are fixing to celebrate our 37th wedding anniversary. Boy does time fly by. It hurts terribly to think about him loving on another woman. What's worse, is I wonder if that happens if he will love her more. And wish he had met her years ago. Such a sad thought. But then again, like others, I don't want him sad and alone for the rest of his life. So torn with emotions. But, I really try not to think about it. When that time comes, I won't be here, so I won't be a part in the decision of what he will do. I do worry about someone marrying him for money. Also, how would someone treat DD3. I have told him that if he decides to remarry, which he says will never happen, that he is to have papers drawn up by a lawyer, that she can not get anything before the marriage occurred. I be dang if she reaps the benefits that I also contributed to. He keeps saying I have nothing to worry about, but as we all know time changes everything. I sure wish it was me that was growing old with him. All those dreams were shattered
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Kandy~ I agree with you completely. Sounds like a fairytale that you have with your DH. I feel the same way about mine I think about each and every Line of his face and smile, his crystal blue eyes looking at me. I also have my house that I have owned for 18 years that he became part owner of 12 years ago, I don't want someone else taking my equity earned. That is for my children and my DH only. I don't want someone near my bed. You brought up an excellent point that we'll be gone, and if that should happen. I really don't want to be of any conscious mindset, if I am. I know I will never Rest In Peace because I will always be searching for him...or a feeling of waiting. Never resting without him. I send you big hugs Kandy, thanks for sharing your love story, you've known him forever, been together what seems even longer! God bless you both ~M~
I also worry about my kids. Since they are step children I worry some woman would come in and push my Kids out, I know he says he wouldn't even want anyone ever again. Like you said time changes things.
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oh ladies.....what a difficult topic...my husband and i have been married for 27 years this august.....from the day we met we have been able to finish each others sentences....since we met i have felt like i have always known him (never even thought of reincarnation before we met) and i cant imagine a world without him....i dont want my husband lonely when im gone and for some reason i feel that he would only be by choice (i can see them lining up already, getting his number(for updates,right), taking him to dinner to take his mind off things...we always allowed each other any friend who is a friend....the first time one of his friends saw me without hair , she turned away sobbing almost like she had wished this on me then felt terrible for it.....in an odd way i feel sorry for anyone my husband ends with....they will always be in my shadow , im in that place in his heart that nothing can touch..not time, or hardship, or lose..I know this because he holds a place like that within me...if I lost him tomorrow nothing or no one could ever touch or change that place within me that he will always have.....if I reverse rolls with him now , this is what i see...no matter what i have left to experience nothing can ever touch the love i feel for him and i know he feels the same....remember with this person who is loving you thru this life there is more to our love than just our physical bodies or someone whould have left a long time ago, dont you think....my husband says he would never remarry and after children I see no reason to get tangled up in more legal papers and just because you have those papers it wont keep that person by your side if you get sick and need them even more , only LOVE can do that.....LOVE truuuuuu LOVE (princess bride lol)....so yes the ones that come after us will always live in the shadow of that special place inside each of us where we keep that which is too dear to share.....keep shining brightly from your special place....LOVE .....1 -
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Nan~absolutely beautiful! I am sitting here in tears reading this, because that is how I feel also, you are a beautiful woman. What a striking photo, I can feel the love from your words. That is exactly why I started this thread, I wanted a place where all of us ladies can claim our DH and tell the beautiful story behind it, because we all have a lovely one to tell. Yes it is an difficult subject, and yes every time I hear of a love like this my heart breaks and shatters because love is so obvious. Sodeep with that one who is truly your person, and your true love. You are so correct in saying, that they are with us through being sick and that does speak volumes. I loved your post! But then again I always enjoy all your posts. Your picture is truly beautiful and so are you and your husbands love story. Thank you for sharing. This thread is for our loves. Our men, our families. And our lives ! God bless you and your DH Nan. ~M~
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Artist~ I went back and read your post. The heart wrenching thought of all of what you had mentioned is something my heart twists and turns also about. Just looking at him, makes me cry. He's so wonderful. It sounds to me like you have also found your person, I hate the mere mention of divorcees sniffing around, I so much feel that way., it even happens when I wasn't sick, he works in a large school district and all the teachers are always flirting with him. He's never never even cared, we've always been so happy together. I have never for one second ever thought of anything except growing old together happily. I thought yeah. Here he is. The one I have searched for my whole life. Sounds like you have yours also. Thanks for sharing ~M~
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Michel - I love this thread! Your love stories are so beautiful and so familiar. I was introduced to my Dh by mutual friends. We were both coming out of horrible relationships and not looking for another. That night we met we spent all night talking. We started dating and29 years later here we are still.
I too worried about other women, especially since he worked with several. I was shocked to see a couple actually making a play for him. He is so naive, he didn't realize until I pointed it out. Then he was horrified someone would do that while I am still here.
I have finally realized he has loved me and stood by me through all this. That says everything! I too don't want to see him alone, he is only 56years old, however I worry he will be taken advantage of, he had such a good heart. I do worry about strange women, but more than that I worry the biggest one who will try to take advantage will be his own mother. I have never met a more selfish woman, she even surpasses my mother in that dept. And that's saying something.
We both come from dysfunctional families and have always been each other family with our son. That is our family. I so worry about this that I have spoken to our ds about it. He says he won't let it happen.
Like Nan, I almost feel sorry for the next one. She will have huge shoes to try to fill. He is my heart and I am his. That will never change. I think that's how it is with your dh also.
All we can do is hope if they do meet someone that they will be a good person who will love him and care for him and help keep our ds, dil and grandsons close.
Sorry so long, but we are talking about my best friend and love.
Hugs and prayers
C
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Bigbhome ~thank you for sharing. I believe the longer the posting, the more of the feelings you want to get out. I love that there are many many relationships that are happy and solid. I love seeing that side of this cancer thing, that is what I am choosing to focus on. That is the thing that will make me fight like crazy through this cancer. I know I won't be growing so old that I wont be able to see straight, which if I am Honest , I wouldn't want to be that old anyway. But I would have loved to be at least 80 with him. I wanted the chance to love this beautiful man that has been placed in the most special center of my very heart. If I look back on other relationships even my first marriage. There is nothing there for anything, other then my husband and I already knew in my heart even before I was sick. That nothing would ever be more important than this man that I love. If something were to happen to him, for me I knew in my deepest soul, there would be no other for me. I don't have any desire to even think about any of that. What I love is the history I have with him. Finishing each other's sentences like someone mentioned in this thread Nan I believe it was. To me that is what living is all about. Without love, there would only be sadness and meaness that is taking over the world. I refuse to give up one damn second with my sweet man. Thank you for the stories. Keep them coming. Oh how they make me smile. I always enjoyed telling my love story. I hope you all feel the same. Hugs ~M~
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Sometimes I just don't understand how something's work. Over the past six months or so my DH has had this pain in the top of his foot, now being the man that he is, he never wants to go to the doctors. I mean he will go, but just really is one of the busiest people that I have ever met. Some days it really bothers him, and others. It's not so bad. Last week, he finally went to see the doctor, first he had an X-ray, the X-ray showed a "growth", so now onto the MRI, which he had on Monday. The doctor didn't seem overally worried, but I hate any words like that. Especially when they are talking about the most important person in your life. Most likely it was injured, ligament, or small fracture that healed over wrong. But he comes to me And says,I am so sorry I never understood how it made you feel every single time you had to have and scan or test. That anything associated with the word growth would send you reeling. He said I feel sick just thinking about something I thought I was such an expert in. I am not. I am sorry. Just another reason I love this man with my entire soul and heart. Results tomorrow, but I think they would have called if something was wrong! But what a shit stew living life can be. It can be the most wonderful experience at times and then other it seems when you are on bended knee pleading for a break, a break in your body isn't really what you had in mind. Hugs to all ~M~
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Living with cancer is such a roller coaster. Every emotion sends you in a different direction. One minute you say, I think I can do this, then the next, one mention of something , a song in a store, or a commercial where the continual theme is couples. A lot of times I change the channel. I wanted to travel with him to those blue island places, instead I am isolated in my own body. I wanted to hike and drive our endless road trips going down to anywhere and everywhere we could. Got our puppy together since we both knew we were done having children.... way done. So many plans. So much to do after the kids had moved out. The kids haven't moved out and I don't know If I'll see any of my kids marry, or ever have grandchildren to love and have them know me. Where do we go? Will I ever see my DH ever again? I need to go back to what used to be, I need to be who I once was. Not this stranger when I look in the mirror I don't recognize my own face. But he does. He does. He smiles and kisses my neck, takes me In his arms and tells me how beautiful I am. No matter what. He does those things for me. That I realize is real love. That is to be celebrated, but how does anyone celebrate anything after a cancer diagnosis? Even being in the moment brings me To my knees, because I immediately think of the time when I won't be having anything. No less feeling love,the love I feel for my DH and family. I want so much to be with my DH forever. If there is even such a thing. ~M~
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M....there is such a thing as forever love....and i think you can feel deep inside that this is true....we search and search for it from the time we can remember liking in that loving way.....how could we not love forever if we are born with a need for a forever love...how do we all know instinctively that a true love is out there for us (even if we cant find it this time, we all know)...we all have baggage and bad habits so our loves may never be perfect but maybe we agreed to help each other thru our faults to become a better soul at the end then we'll laugh about how hard it was this time to make our souls just a lil more perfect and promise each other, that if we have to come back to try this again , that somehow we will find them and help each other out....i know i couldnt do this whole cancer thing without him, or so many of the other challenges life has thrown our way.....i know our souls promised to somehow find each other or i could not have accepted this lifes challenges...i believe its not just our partners either, i have connected so deeply with others that for me nothing else(but always knowing their soul) makes sense to me.....my close friends feel this way when we get to talking bout "just how did we become such close friends,we dont even have that much in common" maybe thats still the point, to learn new things from souls we trust on some deep level..... . shine bright my dears.....
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I just wanted to add that I'm not so young and pretty as my first pic on here... that was about 30 years ago...total 80s hair lmao .......so here is one about a year before I lost my hair
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Nan~ I am sitting here in tears. God bless you beautiful woman. You're beautiful hair and smile and looking so content and happy. Is that your love next to you? I loved what you posted. I am struggling. I am so riddled with sadness and fatigue. If you aren't from BCO or someone I am very close to. I don't even bother. I don't want To talk to anyone who isn't sick and won't ask me that, when are you done treatment? Um never. My DH is the blood that runs through my veins. And on some level I do know that love will outlast anything, I just am so scared when I am forced to leave that I will be in heaven waiting for him and that he should find someone else during that waiting. (And why shouldn't he if I'm honest. He's utterly amazing) am I going to be waiting for nothing? Will he be waiting for me too ? I just don't reconcile this in my heart or brain. I will never give up fighting. I will never not keep fighting to love him and remain here. My kids and loving them is part of this as well. It's grueling to imagine them not having their mother at least until they are older, and I have my gray hair and am walking next to my DH leading to the porch to our chairs. That's all I have ever thought of. Since the day I met him. My future was there. Crystal clear. In front of me. I had no doubts I was only positive. For the first time in my life I wasn't afraid of anything. I knew I had my partner in life and I could get through anything. Then this happens. I bet you are still just as gorgeous as you were 30 years ago, you have a way about you in your postings of someone, like I have known all my life already. The kindness and the joking funny tones to what you write. You help me though my day. I always smile when I read your words. Thank you my friend. It's almost like we are having coffee together ! Thank you for sharing your sweet thoughts with me I had to create someplace to talk about our hearts desire!! Big hugs ~M~
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I've read all of your lovely posts with tears in my eyes.
I want my husband to find soneone to share life after I am gone. But of course I wish I could pick that person.
I want him to have someone that can look after him if need be and be a partner in the final quarter of life. He deserves fun with someone after I am gone. He is 70. Hopefully number 2 will not have any type of cancer.
And of course, I wouldn't be happy if he went around telling people he had his soul mate like my uncle did! I'm not sure how my adult children would feel about him remarrying.My dad was lost when my mom died and never remarried and was very lonely. My husbands dad died of pancreatic cancer....his mom is 94 and never considered even a date. My mets are stable right now, but we all know how quickly that can change.
I'm actually more sad thinking about not being around for my children...no grandkids yet and I hate to think of not being here to help, love and support them as they have families. I had wonderful parents and still miss them even though they have been gone for years.
I really want to pick my cousin for him....lol! Not sure either of them would ever consider that....
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Beatmom, lol! That you have your cousin all picked out for him. I don't want my husband to be sad or lonely either. I told him the weekend I was diagnosed that he could get remarried (my mind was everywhere) but he said no, you only do that once. Whatever he does, I hope he's happy.
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It is such a hard subject. We give our hearts so carefully. I don't think of him like a possession or anything. But I feel like we belong to each other. He says the same thing Mae, about just taking care of the grandkids and being with our children. (My two and his one). He's known my kids since they have been 7 and 8 years old. They are now 21 and 20. His son was 3 when I first held him in my arms. He is Now almost 17. We waited a few years to even introduce the kids together. Just wanted to be sure. We were sure. It worked beautifully and still does. Those kids are family. Brother and sister. Through and through. So sweet to watch them together.
Beatmom~I am torn, so torn about others near him. He's so particular. He's says to me. Baby it took me 38 years to find you, no one else ever understood me. No one else ever got me. I don't think I want to find anyone else, because. I have had it all. Once you have had the best. How can anyone ever settle? He said he would fish. And buy His boat that he wants. And keep our second home here that I live in during the week when he's gone working all week. He wants to keep it because he believes that's where I will be with him. It breaks me in two. I wanted to ride that boat. That's MY husband. I searched my first part of being an adult for him. I need him to be whole. When I found him I foundmyself. I would rather know nothing about what happens when I am gone. Or I'll never ever Rest In Peace. Hugs to you sweet ladies. ~M~
Mae~ how can you say that and be so strong ? I envy that strength! I want to feel like that. Ugh!! Kicks feet around on dirt on the ground 😕😕.
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Micmel, The love that you and your husband share will outlive you both. It is there in both of you and in your children. That kind of love does not come to everyone. You and I are among the lucky ones. I met my DH when we were 16. His cousin introduced us because she thought we were a good match. She was so right. He is my world. The title of this thread really hit home for me since it reminded me of the words I had inscribed in my dh's wedding band. It says, "My love, my life, my world." When I was diagnosed two years ago, I was in shock. I just blurted it out to my poor DH who immediately put his arms around me and told me we would handle it together, no matter what. We shed our share of tears, but we somehow found strength in each other and decided to just enjoy our lives together. We had just settled back into life, when lo and behold, five months later, my DH was diagnosed with stage 3 kidney cancer. His was a particularly difficult case, and he underwent 10 hours of surgery and required 20 units of blood. He was on a respirator for two days and in ICU for a week and a half. He had serious complications including internal bleeding, temporary kidney failure, sepsis (twice), pancreatitis, infected gall bladder, heart arrhythmia, and on and on. I was terrified that I would lose him. After a month in the hospital, he was released only to be readmitted two weeks later. He was in and out of the hospital for two more months. During those three months he had several additional procedures. Through it all, I felt that I wanted to take all those health issues upon myself so he would just be healthy again. I would gladly have given up my life to save his. Why am I telling you all this? Because during that nightmarish period of time, I realized more than ever that I want my DH to live, be healthy, feel good, and be happy. I don't think he will find another woman after I die, but if he does, so be it. Okay, so maybe I will come back and haunt them both if that happens, lol. In the meantime, our goal is to live for 20 years after my original diagnosis. That gives us 18 more, but wow, time is flying by. I worry about a recurrence of his cancer as well as the chronic kidney disease that he now has, and my DH worries about how quickly my MBC will progress. Funny, but we don't seem as concerned about our own conditions. How do we get through each day? With humor, love, and a good dose of denial. We cannot change what has happened to us. All we can do is move forward as best we can. My DH is my strength, and I believe that I am his.
I know you are concerned about your children. My sister died when my nephew was 11years old. I can tell you that he has not forgotten his mother in spite of the fact that he had a stepmother. Your DH might never remarry., but if he does, you must know in your heart that he could never truly replace you, nor could he ever marry someone who would try to overshadow you in your children's lives. He sounds like too good a person for that. My nephew is now grown with children of his own. His children know all about the grandmother that they never met because he tells them all about her. Truth be told, he probably makes her even more wonderful in his stories than she was in life. Haha. They live in Europe, and my nephew has taken his wife and children to visit my sister's grave in Paris. The children have left her gifts - pebbles, hot wheels cars, miniature dolls, etc. My nephew still misses his mother, and he treasures the times they had together.
I hope that you live to be old and gray. I think it is a real possibility.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne~ wow! I have tears streaming down my face, that is a beautiful and tragic story, I don't even really have words to say how lovely reading that was for me. It makes me realize that there are such good love stories out there, that need to be told and put in a place for it to be forever here. Even if we aren't anymore. I agree I'm aiming for the 20 years. I pray everyday that we all see it. I honestly do. You ladies have become an extended family and I wanted to know all the happiness and support Around you all, because love a lot of the time is what gets us through everyday. I know for me it truly is. My DH is such a beautiful creature both Inside and out, I have never loved another, so now, I think it would seem.I love that you support each other and love unconditionally, that is what good things are made of. I know I feel like sometimes when I am here on these boards sometimes. It's always talking about side effects and scan anxiety and worries. I wanted there to be a place for us to tell funny stories about our loves, our families, our lives, outside of this dreadful, clear, bee inside a jar life we've been sucked into. Here I want us to laugh about funny things they do to us,or the romantic things they do for us. Our kids funny stories. Or just plain not the medications or illness results. I hate them!!! But love all you guys and want us to feel like here. We are sitting around a large table together having coffee or wine or whatever our hearts desire. Because we deserve it. Hugs Lynne. And thank you. ~M~
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wow...with all the fighting yelling and horrible divorces' there are, it is absolutely wonderful to hear about these love stories that will outlast all of us....please dont let me be the only one to post a pic,(DH and me 30 years apart, no more 80s hair) i would love to see all your yesterday and today pics (i just snapped a pic of the pic with my iphone to post it)...got the idea to post it from when lita posted that old pic of her and her love (just warms your heart)....
my biggest worry is that something that happened to my dad would happen to my DH...my mom passed from BC at the age of 48, they met here in the USA but are both right off the boat from germany....my dad had quadruple bypass surgery the year my mom passed(dad age 49) his heart actually broke...well he met who we thought was a nice german lady who took good care of him for 14 years until my dad had a massive stroke at age 60...after it was determined that he would regain nothing (like a closed head injury with 1/2 your body paralized) and he would need 24 hour care forever, she wrote him a dear john letter saying "we each need to get on with our lives"....CAN YOU IMAGINE!!!....he took such good care of her, he took her around the world, and she wrote him a note that he could barley read....to have your heart broken like that was worse than if he had been alone all that time...im sure some ladies/guys on here have gone thru that kind of pain with their cancer dx but they probably arent reading this thread...the crazy thing was i never asked her for any help caring for him, she never spent one night to help out nor was she asked to....she begged him and begged him for an engagement ring, he dropped $3,500.00 on one 2 weeks before his stroke and she never put it back on...what she did to him when he needed her the most still breaks my heart, and i could still go on and on about it.
I'm sorry that wasnt a happy story but never take your love for granted....tell them every day how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate their love and friendship....that is what i fear for my husband, to be left alone when he thought he had a friend he could count on....i would definitely haunt that bitch then..lol
please post those pics....lets see how true love grows
p.s. mic, lets meet up in heaven and haunt any snakes going after our hubbies (that would be a fun way to spend our waiting time, and shine our love on our sisters still battling this disease) we can look after our babies and their babies too till we meet again......p.s.s..how is hubbys' foot?...
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lynne, im so happy that you two have each other....there are some things just to hard to do alone.....imho cancer is one of them, even tho i will only let a few in like DH, DD, and all my cyber soulmates just from BC.org...i agree with micmel in that no one else truly understands....why is it that with all the "others" you end up comforting them instead of the other way around....cancer is such a lonely disease....I'm gonna haunt everyone and really scare the shiit out of a few ...LMAO
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Nan - LMAO at that vision!! I am so on-board with that! Poor women don't stand a chance! First we loved them well and then we haunt any future potentials, while keeping our hands firmly on their shoulders.
That's what I see. As sure as I'm sitting here, I know my father put his hand on my shoulder on a very dark day. That is what I will do for dh.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Nan, here you go.... We haven't taken a photo together in a while but on the left is us in 1999 and on the right are from this year. We still have fun despite cancer, we recently got busted playing doctor with the medical equipment on the wall when the oncologist walked in, I was looking in his ear, it was awkward but we just laughed.
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You ladies are a trip!! I actually did lmao and I haven't done that for a long time without my DH being the cause of it. Nan we certainly will be friends in heaven as we are right here honey! I'll dig out some pics. I don't have any on his phone because DH got me a new phone for xmas, iPhone 6+ which I wanted so badly. He bought it for me xmas eve. Which is his birthday. He's so thoughtful and romantic. Words cannot express. He got the results back and his foot has some ligament issues. Thank god that is all it was. He said he needed to be ok, to take care of me. He just kissed my forehead and went upstairs to our bedroom. I will sleep down here tonight, because of my lymphedema Is pissing me off so I need the good old hospital bed. Another parting gift from Mr cancer himself. I am also way in on the haunting, lmao. I mean that is classic! I am up for some haunting. Thank you Nan for asking about his foot. That is very kind. I would like nothing more than for us to someday, somehow be able to tell each other in person how many days you have helped, what otherwise would have been a mental breakdown day. There is so much love on this thread and I hope everyone will keep sharing their stories and love. My DS has a nickname for me and it is Pretty Face. He has called me that since he was like three. Today he came home from work, and said Hi Prettyface can I have a hug. This is a 20 year old young teddy bear of a man. Warmed my soul. Made me smile. I love my family. I love my DH. I love you guys too. Good night ! Hugs ~M~
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Mae~ I love it!!! Beautiful lady and your handsome Love of your life. I am so enjoying seeing this part of you all and knowing the things that make your souls shine. Like my sweet man does. He is the air that I breathe. I absolutely love how you also rock hats!! I miss doing fun things like that. I never have the energy anymore. But I am really working on it, Ritilan helps some days. You ladies are a lot of fun. Huge group hug! Wish we could all throw away our cancer in some garbage bin outside a local pub and all bring our loves and sit together and just be friends! No problems, no worries, just laughter and good company. That is my prayer. To go to sleep on tonight. Thank you ladies for making this thread worth starting. 💜 You all! ~M ~
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illimae....for a minute i thought you wrote obstetrician (dont ask me why)....and you got caught playing .....lmao, im still giggling ....i need my old lady glasses
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The idea of women trying to angle for someone's DH while she is still here is just shameful! Some people have no shame.
I would want DH to find someone else so as not to be alone (so it isn't as if I fully ruined his life). I have a young child (2.5 years) which is the hardest part. I hate the thought of missing all the milestones. I am not even sure I will make it to a point where he would be old enough to remember me. He is deeply attached to me and we have so much fun together. So sad he may remember none of it. I would like my son to have a mother figure when I am gone. My only request for DH would be he finds someone who loves my son and would be a good "mother" to him.
I don't so much worry about someone else having a better connection than we had. No one can take away the experiences we have had so far. Each relationship is different. Sure, there could be things about the next woman that he likes better but it is so difficult to find someone you truly connect with and can create a life together with for years and years. I don't see anyone erasing that special bond. We have been married nearly 9 years.
I have a friend who married a man after his wife passed of cancer. She has always felt like she can't compare to his first wife and that he will never love her as much as the first wife. There were many years in the beginning where he resisted getting married because he was not over wife's passing/not ready to get remarried.I suspect that type of scenario is more likely than a new person coming in and the prior wife simply forgotten.
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I am sitting on the porch right now with my DH and my dogs and the breeze and sunshine. I may not be old and gray yet. But I am still sitting on the porch. I looked over at him and he smiles and says. I love you baby. My heart just oozes out the side of my chest and my smile turned right into happy tears. I said, We are sitting on our porch. That was one of my saddest moments. He said we will sit here every weekend morning together. From now on. I never knew that was one of the issues you were dealing with. Let's not wait to sit together. We will enjoy it more now anyway, because we can still get up to get our own drinks. We won't have to play Rock Paper Scissors to see who the sucker is to have to get up lol. We just sat and laughed. His laugh is like music to my ears, I don't know how I'll never be able tohear it again. My heart just can't take it. But over all this weekend has been lovely. He made smoked ribs and a roast for me because my mouth hurts from meds. So something soft it is!!! He says. I love him sooo very much. I hope everyone is loving on their DHs also!! Such precious creatures. Hugs!~M~
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jfl....i'm so sorry that you even have to contemplate leaving your little one....the hardest goodbye of all is to the little ones....they just dont understand, and neither do i....i'm so sorry if my sense of humor struck you the wrong way....i would do absolutely anything to stay with my loved ones another day.....being dx at what should be the happiest time in your life must be pure hell, and my heart is breaking for you...i think my first priority would be to my child and wanting to make sure that they are loved and cared for...i think we feel that way about all our loves that we leave behind, i would want them to be loved as much as i love them(oh especially the little ones)...my father was not loved that way after my mom died(he didnt know it until he really needed her) and it left him a broken man....i pray that you have many more years with your two true loves (take lots of video) i know that even if you are to little to remember many details, you will always remember how much you are loved,(have you thought about writing out 20 birthday and christmas cards? my daughter is 25 so i have started a journal for her, my grandbaby is 4 so i think she will get hers when shes 13 when things will make more sense), thats the only way i can think of to be there even if its only on paper....i know that our loves will always hold us in a special place in their heart and i feel what you are saying that if we want them to be truly happy then we need to let them go and find something of what they lost when they lost us....thank you for showing me this.....but i will still come haunt you if you dont love them right lol....jfl, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers....and i really wish we could all go to that pub with micmel and leave all our troubles outside.....STUPID CANCER!!.....big hugs to all my cyber sisters , i'm so thankful that you are here to listen and understand....no one else does
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JFL, my heart breaks for you. I lost a dear friend 6 years ago, all she wanted to do was to live long enough for her son to remember her. That was her one wish.
BC sucks, but it seems even more unfair when it's mothers with little ones or those with special needs children. I cannot imagine the fear and pain that must bring you.
((hugs))
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JFL~ I am sitting here with yet another round of tears running down my face. Yes effing cancer once again, that back breaking heart crushing asshole that doesn't research the lives of those he destroys. I have nothing but sorrow thinking of your heart and how that must feel with such a young child. It makes me so damned mad. You fight, with everything you have, you just do it. That little precious baby WILL be the reason you are going to be one of the ten to twenty+ year survivors that we read about. Yes you are. Here come my prayers so get ready! Huge hugs to you sweet woman. Huge hugs ~M~
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another week here we are. Since I read a lot of threads, I realize that finding your one love is exceptionally a beautiful thing. I know and am realizing more and more, that there are also A lot of jerks out there. I don't forget that. I had one for 11 years that I married as well. So I am sending some prayers to those who have had the challenge of this beast cancer, and dealing with someone close to you and your life,that hasn't been supportive or helpful with your cancer diagnosis, to those men. I say. Wake up please. You will regret your behavior and it just might be too late. Wake up people! Hugs everyone ~M~
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~M~ .... i'm sorry to say that youre wasting your breath on these superficial people....for one thing they dont care enough to read any info on it so that for sure includes this site.....they are to self absorbed , fair weather friends , and only respond positively when someone mistakenly thinks that they are giving "all they have"into caring for their sick loved one....if they only knew how embarrrassed these people are to be seen with you in all your "just hatched bird(no fluffy down)" glory.....thats how i look right now,naked puffy eyes with some pin feathers lol....so anyway what i mean to say is we are not all lucky enough to marry our true great love or soul mate but that doesnt mean that they are not in our lives, they could be anyone from a aunt, uncle, sister , brother parent , or friend, or even a child or grandchild, they could be with us a day, a month , a year , or a life time(think about this)....the important thing is they touched our soul and connected in a way with us that we can only call true love because what ever happened has stayed with us and always makes us feel better when we think of it/them....it is so sad that the world is so full of this kind of selfish person (reality tv is creating a whole gen of them): i was unfortunate enough to learn this young (if you dont look good you wont make me look good) my husband was a breath of fresh air for me......keep shining that beautiful light from within my dear cyber friends
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I have a doosey of a bug 🐜! Like knock me on my rear end sick. Stomach issues, headaches, chills, sweating worse than the normal crap sweats. Which already make me feel like I've showered again. My taste buds are shot. I mean the chemo has destroyed them, I don't like anything anymore. But taking a boat load of medicine on an empty stomach is awful. So here i sit in my hospital bed, because my mattress Is like sleeping on a slab of concrete for my lymphedema, and this gel mattress curves to it. It's the only thing I can sleep in. So much has changed since this cancer shit. My poor DH is a precious angel. I don't know what I would do without such love in my life.
Nan~ I always feel like some people are just out right mean. I made this thread to celebrate every happiness and every relationship that makes anyone happy. I am sick of negativity and anger all the time. When I need to rant I'll rant lol if you need to rant, please rant! Anyone let it out, but at the end of the day I hope it's love that keeps us fighting! I want this to be like us sitting together, talking about our families and our lives. No matter what form that love or life takes. I myself have a shitty family so that does nothing for me. I am envious of that kind of love and affection, I have never had that. But I would never be slighted from someone who had! They are lucky but in a different way! Hugs to you Nan. ~M~
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Nan, Freya and Micmel, thanks for the kind words!!!
Micmel, I must say, I had to reach out and touch the screen when I saw that insect (ant?) in your post. It seemed 3-D ish and I needed to make sure it was not real! Maybe I am just tired and it is late, which is not helping.
I agree with some of the prior posts that it is incredible and humbling to hear the stories of such strong love, admiration and companionship with spouses in this thread. It is usually only the divorce and bad stuff that makes the headlines.
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ugh! Now I gave the bug 🐜 to DH and DD, all of us are down for the count. Yuck! I have changed clothing three times during the night. Awful!! My poor DH takes care of me and then gets it himself. Dizzy, headache, chills. Be warned peeps it's out there. I am certain that dogs know when people are ill. My one dog always wants to lay with me on the side that I have my bone mets in. He always is very aware of how I am feeling by the tone of my voice. They really are very smart creatures. My dogs areanother thing that brings me happiness. They don't care that the cancer medicines pack weight on you like a donkey carrying its load. They don't care that your fingernails are discolored, or you have no hair. Mine is growing back like wild fire. And I am pleased but....(there is always a but huh?). It used to be half way down my back. Now not so much. My beauty is lost. This cancer has aged me. Will I ever resemble who I once was. ? Then there is DH saying to me. "I honestly don't mind. I think you're beautiful no matter what, I just want you. That's all I want". Here come the tears again. Screw you cancer you're messing up lives and families here. So you bug 🐜 🐜 off!!!! Hugs for all ~M~
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Oh M, I'm so sorry you and your family have this...I wish I could help somehow. Ok, throw phantom and pink Floyd out, maybe some nice soft jazz. Thinking of you and your family. Had the bug when we were in NC taking care of18mo gs. Thought I was going to end up in ER, but I made it through. The shaking was horrible and could not get warm, then break out in cold 😓. Imagine we are all sitting here with you and holding your ✋.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~ I don't know how you could manage to take care of someone else with this awful bug. My stomach is so raw. Can't get out of bed. It been almost two full days. Yuck! Also icky head ache! So dizzy!!Problem is I can't tell what is cancer aches or what is sickness aches!! I miss who I used to be. Love is strong. But I am scared cancer is stronger. Every ache always makes me worry, 😰Is this more? What was that pain? It's all sometimes too much to take. I want to stick my head in the sand and search for who I used to be. Hugs ~M~
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I am gathering all
The love stories I can here. Family's love. Partners love, mother, fathers, husbands, bff, you name it. I want these love stories and support of care givers to be remembered and always have a place to live! So much love to hear about. Please share ! Hugs to all. ~M~
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hi M.....i would like to find my old old self too, this stupid C has aged me beyond belief ...i dont think i left me in the sand but i would like to put my toes and ass in the sand right about now....I couldnt even walk down the beach with DH at this point.....oh well, thats why they made dune buggys , lol ...please feel better soon....ps. when my taste buds got shot the only thing that tasted like it was supposed to were pickles do you like pickles (homemade ones especially)? even icecream tasted like some wierd metal....sorry youre going thru that
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Nan~ I somehow have the feeling we are a lot alike. I love the beach too and often wonder if I'll ever even see it again. My DH and I always wanted to take that trip together. But we always said we save money now for the kids college, then we travel. Didn't even see this coming, never imagined, there would ever be a chance that he would be going with someone else. Even just typing that makes me cry. Like NO! That's my fuc*ing husband. Makes me so infuriated! I just want it to go away. I just want to hear, it's gone!! I hope you get to ride in the dune Buggy, sounds fun. I am not sure my Skeleton could take all the bobbling around though. I only have a few mets but they do hurt from time to time. We all need freedom from this disease and physical awfulness and emotional trauma. Freedom!!! No more cancer! Repeat,no more cancer!
I want to say a prayer for our Senator And war hero John McCain and his beautiful family, I hate hearing of cancer period anymore. There is just too much of it. May god helpHim through this path of cancer and give him and his family the strength everyone of us needs to battle this asshole of a disease. I am keeping them all close in prayer. Right along with all of you MBC sisters here. Big hugs. ~M~
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There once was a woman who would jump out of bed and decide our was a good day too ride her 🐎. So she would call horsey friends and put together a day ride. She would also decide the weekend would be great for camping and trail riding. Again, more phone calls and a camping they would go. I miss her!
A friend asked the other day, if I had ridden that week, I said no. In this heat, I would get my horse all tracked up and then have to go lay down awhile.
We are planning a trip to Big South Fork in October, something we have been trying to do for10 years. I so hope we can make it!
Ok, no more negativity. I sure am enjoying our new pool! I love swimming and when I get tired I just float. Great way to take weight off pressure points! Any others who can float with no aids? Also found when back hurts to sit in zero gravity chair! What a relief !
I sure hope you are feeling better M. Your husband and dd also. No fun having everyone ill.
I love the beach also. The 3 of us should load up my Jeep and run over for a day! It's about 40 minutes from here and we can drive the Jeep on the beach to where we want to set up. So no schlepping stuff through parking lot to beach! Picture it!
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Gm everyone, still feeling yucky. But I need everyone to help me say some prayers for some beautiful MBC ladies. Dianarose has been in the ER all night with terrible pain and then was sent home,but has to go back it's so bad. Things are looking rough for her. I am terrified. Sitting here in tears filled with anxiety and worry for her. She's precious and one of the closest people to me here on these boards. I'm scared for her. I have come to love her.
The other dear lovely friend that holds some of my heart is Gracie. She hasn't been around at all and she's having problems as well. I'm deathly scared for my two close friends, please please please pray for them both. They need all the help they can get. I love them both. This is so hard to deal with ! I'm a mess. Sick and worrying
Claudia~ loving the pool action. I grew up with a pool, miss those days , also grew up with two horses. Those were the days. I didn't have cancer then. 😭😞💔. Stay strong ladies. Although sometimes it's just impossible to do. Hugs to all. Prayers to all. 💜To all. ~M~
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finally feeling a little better phew , however, one of my close friends from here is in the hospital and I am a worried person. We go through so much with this battle it scares me to even think of progression. How does one file that into your mind? when you know that everyday you're fighting this beast with everything you have ? only to be told that it has moved? You go through hell and take these medicines that really do nothing that we can see, but make us feel awful, but by taking them, we feel like we have something, some sort of control or sense of feeling like we are doing something to beat it back. I can honestly say, I don't want to suffer. I honestly do not. I have been watching a show called Tyler Henry Hollywood medium, my mom has me hooked, because I need to know something is out there. I need to see ideas and thoughts for myself. This show gives me something that I needed. I have been searching for a way to deal with this fear of leaving my husband. My family. I am scared to death. It's almost to the point of non functioning because everything makes me cry. This person has to be real. He just knows too much. I watched it because I was curious and needed to get some answers someplace. I feel lost at any given time. In any given place or song or thought. My heart is just broken💔. It's all there is too it. I am learning to adore people here. I am realizing that, I could very well have my heart broken in that arena also. I just don't like this anymore. My DH is the air that I breathe, my kids are my part of who I am,my soul, my babies, even thoughthey are 21 and 20 and 16. Loving close beautiful family. This just isn't fair. None of this makes any sense. Since diagnosis I can officially say most of my days have been spent crying in such emotional agony and pain of fear, loss, many surgeries, horrible ones and the unknown. What a shit deal this is. God help us! ~M~
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Happy that I feel a tad better tonight and my good friend is home from the hospital. Phew😰 Not fully what we wanted to happen by any means, but at least she is home! And semi pain free for now at least. Today was hot hot hot, I feel Like I have no energy. No matter how long I sleep, I still feel like a fatigue zombie. I Am finishing my 8 round of ibrance. And I am just achey all over. Every freaking ache and pain worries me. I am so sick of it. I always before just avoided thinking about cancer. I knew I was scared of it, who isn't. I just never dreamed I would bedealing with this at almost middle age. 😞 Just not fair. I want to excerise like crazy and run like forest gump. This waking up feeling over ten years older than I am. Is for the birds. It's like I hear a clock ticking in my ear. And the beginning of days of our lives. "Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives." Geeze. I watch that everyday. Have for years. Now that is so literal for me. How shitty is that! Peaceful night everyone or anyone. Hugs and prayers. ~M~
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I am slowly coming out of my slug. I feel so tired all the time. All I want to do is sleep. Part of me thinks that's ok. Then I don't have time to think. I dream of being who I used to be and my hair is what it used to be. I could go out for day trips and never skip a beat. Not so much anymore. Just too damn tired. I do believe in the fall, it might be easier for me. THis heat kicks my heat flash ass all over the place. I look like I just got done swimming. Never mind that I have nothing to wear ever because I am fatter from this cancer treatment bull shit. I have my third eye staring out at the public (my medicine port). My lymphedema sleeve is also so very sexy. I have to wear it everyday. No matter what. That adds style. Trust me!! My feet hurt so my foot wear leaves a lot to be desired. So all In all, by the time I solve all that crap, I'm too tired. A day in the life of cancer! Have the best day you can. ~M~
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I mean this as respectfully as I can say it, have you thought about anti-depressants? it might make things more manageable, know I wouldn't be good with out mine.
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lol yeah I have tried them and they don't help with emotional turmoil and PTSD. Which is really what I have. I just like to let my emotions out in one place that anyone who reads them may understand. Or even one day may be feeling the way I do. And look here and say yeah she gets it. My clear mind comes and goes, and one thing I realize is that cancer has so many ins and outs that even if a therapist can give you tools to stack in your tool box. if that tool box has come apart the tools just lay all over the place in a mess. That mess has become me. This month has been hard, I was hit with a doosey of a flu bug in my stomach and two weeks before that it was an ugly horrible monster cold sore. Yuck! I have tried antidepressants before and I honestly didn't see any changes. I guess I could ask for another go round. I don't really need anymore pills to take. I take about 13 pills a day. Already. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I appreciate the kind words. Hugs to you !~M~
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dear micmel,....i tried anti depressants too and they made me so forgetful (forget why you're so sad?) ....worse than these brain tumors do...i felt like one of the walking dead....then once my doc thought i had adult ADD(i complained of being a scatter brain) and he gave me some kind of ritilin and i felt like i had been poisoned and passed out on the couch the rest of the day....i have decided to just feel whatever i am feeling and ride its wave, weather happy or sad or anywhere in between....to me thats better than not to feel anything at all....
claudia,....your jeep, the beach, friends who understand......sounds like paradise.....you are so lucky to live so close to the ocean....are you near the gulf or to the east? i miss having a pool but honestly i dont have it in me anymore to maintain it....you must have lots of help but if i had summers like you do and could use it more than 3 months a year, that may be a different story..i'm sure it makes you feel so good...
big hugs all around!!!
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Nan~ I am already in a lot of fog. If it would help me I would try anything. A lot has to do with the heat, it makes me sluggish. I enjoy fall and the cool breeze and the trees. The leaves, The smells, and not sweating every fifteen minutes. I used to love the heat, the beach, the sun, now I can't handle ten minutes. I don't even know if I will ever see the beach again. I just want to go back. To a time to where I wasn't sick. How on earth do I ever process something like that? I try everyday to count my blessings. I honestly do, you guys help tremendously! Hugs to you my friend! ~M~
Claudia~I am in awe of your beach access. If I could walk outside of my house and have a pool it might be a lot easier to keep cool. I miss those days of being cancer care free . I always felt so physically strong always. No matter what I was strong. I want that strength back!! I would love to hop in your jeep and go 🚙 🚙! Hugs ladies
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Hi Ladies, Micmel, glad to hear you are feeling somewhat better after the bug. I don't know what is going on with me, I was awake for all of 3-4 hours yesterday. I am so tired, just cannot stay awake. I hate it, it makes me feel like I am lazy, and that is something I have never been. So frustrating.
My hairdresser and friend called yesterday during one of my awake moments. She is getting divorced and moving into town from their rural property. She has 2 miniature horses, one is 63cm, the other 70cm. They are adorable and behave like the dogs, they come into the house and lay in front of the fire any chance they get.
She asked if I could take them as she needs to rehome them. My first thought was "Oh yes", then reality set in and I realised I would just be making more work for my husband. Still really want them, but I will let my head rule my heart on this one
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Freya~ I would want those little cuties also. Then reality would also kick in and I wouldn't be able to take care of them. I have trouble taking care of my two dogs. I grew up with horses, they can be very expensive to feed and the vet bills only get more expensive the bigger then animal. I hope your friend will find a nice home for the little cuties. I can relate to the fatigue issue. I know that doesn't help my mindset when all I want to do is feel normal again. I slept pretty much all weekend. I am just happy that I am able to just sleep whenever I need to. I can't imagine the weeping I would do if I had to work. I'd probably have a breakdown! Ugh! Hope you feel stronger !!! Hugs ~M~
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micmel.....i was going t ask if you write in a journal to get all these thoughts out then i realized that is just what we are doing and this is so much better cuz our journals give us some great understanding feedback.....way better than plain old pen and paper....someone left a link on a study they are doing on why some women with MBC survive for so long (about time) and one woman said "well, i know i have today and most likely tomorrow, the rest i just dont think about" ....thats my motto with out a doubt....i learned very young that no one is promised tomorrow so if you get up and you can still pour and fix your coffee, everything else is just bonus really....dont get me wrong, a lot in this world really sucks but i feel so ashamed of myself when i feel that way and then i meet or speak with some one who's life sucks worse than mine(i just caught them on a good day).....and you know, i dont think it matters a bit if you are in physical or emotional pain...it all hurts just as bad to the person who is hurting.....oh i wish the hurt would stop just for a few days...months...years....decades...take your pick, i will take any or all of it and im pretty sure we could solve world peace...just us gals with mbc saving the world....come on and try bitching to us about those problems...we'll put that into perspective for you real fast lol....shine just a little bit more... big ((hug))
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Nan~ It's always so very nice to see your name here. I always enjoy reading your words. I am having a really hard month. I am just so tired and depressed. I have been dealing with this diagnosis for 18 months now and it seems like forever. I have no energy and I am useless for things. Every month I take these meds, I live more and more in a fog. I spend a ton of time crying and when I am done crying, I look over at a large bottle of pain pills that have at least 100 in them and actually ponder swallowing the entire bottle and Checking out of all this mental exhaustion and physical pain. The reality is I haven't even begun to feel the terrible pain and I'm already exhausted. One of my closest friends on this board is suffering. She has two blocked kidneys and she has been so sick for the last month. I am so upset with worry about her, but I am also seeing a mirror. I can't help her and I can't help myself, I realize That will Very well end up being me. I don't really want to suffer no I don't. I hate the word cancer, I hate pain, I hate chemo, I hate pink, the only place I get any relief is to sleep. I love my DH and kids. If it weren't for them. I'd be long gone. I know I can't be the only one who has ever felt that way before. Everyday has become a mental and physical challenge with fatigue being the main problem. Every pain I worry about ohh. Is that cancer ? I am just so sick of feeling badly. That I have forgotten what it's like to feel good anymore. It's a faded memory that I'll never get back. You ladies are fabulous and thank you for all the suggestions and words. You're all very important to me. In so many ways ~M~
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Nan812 - I live close to the east coast. I love that I can go to the beach and drive on it. There is no schlepping stuff. That just exhausts me. I honestly don't think I could stand to live any father away than this. Every once in awhile we will take our rv over to a beach campground that has the Atlantic ocean on one side and they intracoastal waterway on the other side. It's great! It's only 45 minutes from our house, but makes a great little getaway. I so love camping with our horses also but not in summer...too hot for them and us!
Micmel - I try everyday to just focus on the good! I think a lot of people have had that thought at one time or another. However, having been raised strict Catholic, not an option. Also, what if I missed something really special like my second grandson , whowas not planned on. I would have never gotten to hold him and laugh with him or watch his face light up when he sees me. Nor would I have been a part of first grandsons life! The little guy who adores his grandfather the way his daddy adored his! We marvel at that all the time!
So many other special things I would have missed! Plus dh and ds would be devastated that I left them before I had to!
There are so many little moments that have brought so much joy I can't imagine having missed any of them!
Dh poured our pool deck today, while I had my scans. 🙌 you are welcome at my house to swim our go to the beach anytime! I will take a picture tomorrow after we get back from mo's office so you can picture being here. Just know it lo refreshing out there but its 95 degrees and 95% humidity. Also, don't pay attention to the ugly barn be hind the pool.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~ I agree and was smiling with every word you have said, I also was raised catholic,completely understand. My moments of weakness are plenty I won't lie. I loved the way you mentioned things I may miss along the way and agree. I don't know. I just don't. Thank you for taking your time to share those needed thoughts with me. I do love them with all that I am. (Family)I just hate seeing so much pain and suffering everywhere I look. I wanted to say that I will be praying and waiting to hear for good news on those scans. I will be praying for you as I do each night for all my sisters here. I am hoping you see nothing but blue skies ahead with those scans!! Please keep me posted! I can't wait to see the picture, I could use some good visuals. My DH keeps telling me I need a change of scenery, I am starting to agree with him. I may enjoy that more. Than I am aware. How I loved the beach.
Nan~ I do look at this as my journal. Like today I was in the pits. And Claudia and you came along here and helped me say, yeah shit yeah! She's right! We all have thoughts and feelings. And by my putting them here, if they can help someone ever at all or even one time, feel better like she and you do for me here, I couldn't ask for more. It helps me to talk to people that understand what something like this is like, I enjoy seeing you both because I feel like this is our little pub! When one is down the others say hey. .... look at it this way. To me that is way healthier than holding it in some books no one may ever read until I am gone. At least this way I can leave my password and log in for my family and they can read here how I felt and the wonderful friends I have made,while going through something so very awful. Hugs sweet ladies. ~M~
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mic, i'm not sure if i will leave my info for this site with my family....some things are only for those who understand completely what this whole shit show is all about and i wouldnt want anything to get taken out of context....at times i even watch what i say around here and im sorry for that but its like my first night after getting my first dose of chemo(abraxane) i woke up shaking uncontrollably with the worst headache i have ever had (and i get 3 day migraines) i grabbed my husband, looked him straight in the eye and BEGGED him to shoot me...i never wanted anything more in my life(oh there was lots of sobbing and snot and "you would do this if you loved me") he threw the quilts in a hot dryer then wrapped and held me till i passed out....how can you chime in and say heres my first experience lol..not....it worked for a while (3 months) then they had to switch me....i know my odds right now, i'm triple negative and i feel like i cant even post on some threads because it even scares people here...i also take it hard when someone takes a bad turn but does that mean i should stop posting....i dont want YOU to, but if it will hurt you to much i can...thats the last thing in the world i would ever want to add to and its not like it hasnt happened before....i have a brain mri on friday then maybe its time to take a break from the boards.....love you all , my cyber sisters
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i would never ever want you to leave the boards. I've been through it. I have had abraxane, it was horrible, I understanding completely!! You are my friend now Nan. I want to know exactly what is going on with you. Without updates I will do nothing but worry. Now I realize, in all your postings that has never shown through. If you take a break from the boards honey, that is your choice. Sometimes if it better ourselves, then I totally get it. I would never want you to be really upset by posting anything. But because I said I am realizing that my friends I have made here are wonderful people And I have grown so fond of many. I realize ALL Of our odds at some point my friend. I want to be together, because of the reason, I understand, we understand together. I have been through Abraxane, it isn't easy. But I learned that every infusion it does get easier. The headache thing I got on my first one. You need to have them slow down the drip. (Instead of 30 mins ask for 45) also eat the entire time and drink also. It helps break up the density of the toxins as it enters your body. Also. Take claritian everyday from now on to alleviate unneeded swelling and irritating agents. Also Aleve!! The day before , the day of , and the day after, after I learned the hard way. I used all those tricks and it was a lot better. I am not saying it's a breeze, by any means. But it did knock some shit out!! I love you too dear friend. Even if it's one word. I still look forward to seeing your name posting your smiling words and attitude, we all have our moments as you can see based on my pathetic rambles! Let's hang on to each other. Never let go! I am so sorry you're going through this hell. I am praying for you. It seems to be all I do anymore. But if it helps just a little. I am going to keep right on doing it. I am feeling what you felt. I feel what you feel !! I haven't had abraxane in a long time. But one never forgets that. Also watch the neuropathy, I had 9 infusions and it started to get really bad, so he told me I was done. I pray this is your answer. Loving you my friend. Thinking of you. I have been there. Big but gentle hugs. ~M~
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p.s. I do not want you to watch what you say here!!! That's why it's here !!!! Rant, any reasons, crying. , any single reason you may need. I am not one to be driven away because someone expresses how they feel or they are at their wits end, my post yesterday included visions of my lovely pill bottles that I was eyeing for a fast exit. I get it. Boy do I ever!!!! Please know you are loved a great deal here. I'll be waiting to hear how you're doing. Really waiting ~M~
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Nan812 - I'm sorry you have had negative feedback on other threads. Your diagnosis nor your thoughts and feelings offend me. Nor would your wish to end things. When you get to know me more you will find I am very much live and let live. I may encourage you to re think your decision, only to be positive. Once you firmly and consciously make a decision, I am by your side till the end. We are all different and some of the things we have lived through others could not. Just as some of what others have lived through we could not. When I say not an option for me, that's me, that does not include any one else. I actually admire some end of life decisions others have made. Like I said, no judgments here.
I completely understand if you need a break from threads. I took 2 weeks off end of June, then took a few days of last week, not due to anyone here, just for me. I needed to remember why I was fighting so hard. You do what you need for you! I do want you to know, you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am holding your hand through your MRI Friday. Concentrate and you will feel it. If you would please let me know what happens i would really appreciate it. If you want to pm me, please feel free to. You will only get concern and support from me.
Now on lighter note, pool not too much work since we put in salt system and auto vacuum! This has been wonderful, I am such a water baby! Always have been!
Saw mo today. Almost all great news! Scans were great! Rads shrunk tumor from 6.2 to 2.6. Yay! Nothing new, Ibrance, letrozole still working. Pain on left side is because my colon is full of s×$!t. Trying new approach to constipation. All other symptoms related to not hydrating enough. Going to get better about that. We discussed many of the new drugs coming up and he feels confident about me staying of chemo longer.
Micmel - Here is pool ad promised! I don't known where
you or Nan812 are from, but if you need a beach escape or pool escape, you are welcome here anytime! We have 2 guest bedrooms!
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Claudia, I love the pool, makes me miss being normal and just thinking hey I'll swim today instead of, how much pain will I have today. I feel aches today. All over. Its like jumping beans. This is just down right miserable! I hope you enjoy your beautiful surroundings. If ihad a place like that outside, I would be out as much as I could. But the heat does effect me like you mentioned. So.... that one plays a part of how long I can stay outside. I grew up on a lot of property and peaceful tranquility of a pool. But that was long ago. Take a swim for me please my friend! Thanks for sharing, that's my new happy place! Hugs to you lovely ladies.
Nan~. Still waiting for you. Hope you're feeling a least a little better , thinking of you! Check in at the pub!!! Hugs beautiful! ~M~ my DS Was rear ended last night in a three car accident, his was the middle car. He has some pretty good whiplash. Hope you're doing ok.
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Micmel- So glad your ds is going to be ok. I bet that was terrifying!
I want to let you and nan know I am going offline for awhile. You both are more than welcome to pm me anytime. I am here for both of you always.
It is hard not being one of the chosen ones.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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do you mean chosen as in the other threads ? I really want to know what that means my dear. (Which Is one of the reasons I started this thread a feeling of not belonging. Or being answered.) Don't go anywhere unless it's for your own peace of mind. Your own!!! Hugs hugs and smiles at the pub. Right now we are sitting at your pool. Happy place happy place hugs. Sighs tears. Don't gooooooo! ~M~ You DO belong here. Yes indeed you do. I mentioned my sons accident in the threads because I was upset. But no one even mentioned it I was like ohhhok that's how it is. But maybe it was just over looked. So now I journey here. Love you guys. Nan that means to you as well. Claudia.(wraps my arms around you tight but gentle.)
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That is exactly how I feel. It is morale sucking and no one needs that.
I have been concerned for your ds, sometimes whip lash can have latent effects. When I was younger, I was rear ended and thought all was well, until a few days later, I turned my head and paralyzed my left arm. Had to have physical therapy for months. It originated from the accident. Who knew!
Anyway, don't freak out, just keep an eye on him.
Yes, we have been having a great day at the pool! I hope the 3 of us will meet someday! I will stay here, but only here. Hope your evening is great! I can't wait for Deadliest catch tonite. I am hooked! Have been for a long time! Now dh is too! Its like a soap opera without all the sex!
Anyway, Good night my friends! Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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I love that show!! I am also hooked lol. I have it scheduled tonight! I will be watching it tomorrow morning. I wish they would bring back Josh Harris and the Cornela Marie. They were part of the heart and soul of the show all of those seasons!!! Then when He had that heart attack, it was very sad. But what isn't sad anymore!!!! Ugh! I know how you feel about the other threads. It's ok. We can become like family and really have someplace where we are loved., and genuinely cared for through good or bad. (Nan) I have felt how you feel. I would offer encouragement. And kind words. Nothing. Zero. Nada responses. My son went to the doctors today, they said something is going on and they want an X-ray if the symptoms don't dissipate within a week. It's always something ?!!! Love you Claudia. Thank you for caring. Hugs ~Melissa~
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Sorry about your son Melissa, (some how had in my mind your name was Michelle...)
Hope you don't mind me hanging here too...I often feel the same way in threads...
I have Chemo tomorrow...2 weeks we are headed to SC as a family cant wait for some beach time....
I try really hard to keep a positive attitude, some days it is really hard though. But I look at my DD who has 9 brain tumors including a 7cm that encapsulates her brain stem, on paper she shouldn't be functioning, as a matter of fact 7 years ago we never thought we would still have her, and yet she is thriving, does she have issues well yah....we have never talked what ifs with her and I firmly believe that is why she does so well...wish I didn't know what ifs...0 -
Keetmom~Please know that anytime, you want to be here the door is always open. Always. I want to have a place where you feel like You are more than welcome. Of course. I look at it this way. We all have our moments and days. Your precious children matter and I thank you for mentioning my son. We all have our weaknesses and children to me is a huge one! Brings me to my knees immediately, I would do anything to protect children. That Charlie Gard thing is so sad also. So please by all means know that whenever you are here. You will be like pulling up a stool with us and letting out what the day needed letting out. I'll be praying for us all. The bigger the family here the better. More shoulders to lean on, when we need it. Hugs to you sweetie. ~M~ I hope you have a blast on your trip. You go girl!!! Heres to an easy chemo tomorrow friend!
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I love that Micmel! So true!
Welcome keetmom, we will be thinking of you tomorrow when you are having chemo. So sorry to hear about your dd's challenge. I am extremely happy she is doing so well! You won't be ignored here and we want to hear everything, Good and bad! Feel free to let it all hang out.
Enjoy your family and the beach! Something so soothing about the water!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Keetmom~ thinking of you today as you have chemo. Think of us all around you, I hope it goes fast And you're back home with your precious children and another chemo down and history! You and your family are in my prayers.
Nan~Still waiting darling.
Claudia~ hope you slept well. I had my XGeva shot yesterday and ugh!!! Just sucks what little energy I even had away, and a nice headache parting gift. Now today I'll try to figure out what I can choke down my gullet. I have no taste whatsoever. Bland bland bland. Texture becomes a major issue.
Hope you all have a good day. Love you guys !
~M~0 -
Good morning! Micmel, ugh I don't miss those xgeva shots at all! Hopefully you will start feeling better soon. I remember first 2 days as rough.
Keetmom hopefully chemo is over soon.
Nan - thinking of you constantly.
I want to share somethings with you all. Last evening I was feeding the horses and I looked up and saw 2 beautiful butterflies flitting around our bright red Mandeville growing on our fence. 1 butterfly was a monarch, the other I didn't recognize, but both so pretty. I immediately thought of you and wished I had my phone to take a picture.
This morning while I was making coffee there was a hummingbird feeding on the flowers out front, then a beautiful Cardinal landed on our fence! What a beautiful start to the day! So blessed! It doesn't take much to make me happy!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Good morning Claudia! I am trying to sleep off the effects kicks my battootty! I'm going to be resting luckily today so that should help. Now if I could only eat ! Sounds like a lovely place you have to wake up at. Sounds tranquil. I wake up to my two dogs yelling at me to feed them. One happens to be a very loud Hounddog. When He gets going. It seems like a fog horn went off. Need to figure out something to eat. Cloudy day here helps the sleepiesHope you have a bright day at the pool. (So jealous!). Hugs ~M~
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I hope everyone has had the best day that they possibly could. Cloudy and dreary here. But got a rental for my DS's accident. So that is taken Care of. Doctor said it's in his neck and arm so they are looking over him. And Monday if its not better he will be getting an X-ray. Hopefully that won't happen. He couldn't work today so he's going to be reimbursed for his lost wages which is a lot to a twenty year old. So hopefully he will be getting his money back fast. These things sometimes move snail like.
Keetmom ~ hope you're chemo went ok as far as chemo can go. Glad it's done and gone.
Hugs ladies ~M~0 -
We had some port issues, got blood and premeds done and then it wouldn't draw back, so re accessed so we tried TPA and then re accessed again...got home 2 hours later then planned on..
Then My sister went with me and we were coming home and I said I am just emotionally exhausted, some of it Emma, and some the what ifs of living with STage 4 cancer, and the what ifs...I said Take care of Jim if something happens to me, she said "We don't have to worry about that it wont happen," "Um yah it probably will eventually that is just how it is, she sayd:I cant deal with this!" I hold your hand.....
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I sometimes have those same issues. They always have to use the port cath cleaner. It has to sit sometimes for over an hour! What a pain in the rear end. I know living with this is hard, you're not alone. Every feeling you have we have had or at least darn close. I'm sorry your day was longer. I also hate what ifs. But we must go forward. We have no choice, it's our only option! I am sending hugs and I understand chemo intensifies those feelings of helplessness! I pray you rest tonight and awake rest to fight with us another day. Gentle hugs ~M~ One day at a time is all we can do.
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Tomorrow Emma is getting her room redone from a group called Special Spaces...so they are sending us away for the night...luckily it is a dex day.
So tonight we went to get KFC, handed the cashier $$, he said Um it is 22.00, I'm like yah, you gave me 15, handed him another 5, UM still need more, handed him another 5. and said just got done with chemo, said to DH one time it is good to go out in public bald.0 -
keetmom~ love the name Emma! I use my cancer card whenever I can. We struggle. How wonderful that her room will be getting done! What a nice thing that's very special for your family and precious DD! I can imagine. The reaction.! I had Olive Garden, my son wanted a big meal to take his medicine for his neck issues. Yum! KFC yum also! I hope that you'll sleep well tonight and regain your strength from chemo today it sure doesn't wipe you out mentally and physically!! Stay strong my friend. You're amazing!! ~M~
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lots of hugs for you! Lots and lots! So sorry chemo got so screwed up. As if it's not bad enough that you need it. Those darn ports! I hated mine from the day it went in till the day it came out. Never worked right, always hurt!
Such sad things we think about. Some days you just wonder how do you keep doing it. So on those days you just do it because...you have so much on your plate, you are a walking miracle! I could only hope to achieve your awesomeness and don't think I could even come close.
Take care of you tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!
Micmel, thinking of you and Nan also. Keep an eye on the ds.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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I just do what I have to do....luckily my DH is awesome and has been with me through the hell of the last few years, not sure how he will handle it with out me, I need to be ok....at least for a while...everyone today told me how great I am looking so that helps some I honestly am feeling better then I have in a long time..
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keetmom~you're one tough cookie. A wonderful mom as well. I am so happy to see you have such a deep love for your DH. I am a romantic at heart. You're a very lucky woman to have found your person. I am sucker for happy couples. I am part of one myself. Love of my life. I thank god everyday for this wonderful man. In my life, to go through thickness and thin with me. How Can someone be so blessed and so not blessed at the same time. Such a hard time to go through, rest well. ~M~. hope you feel better tomorrow!
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well i just woke up after a not S o wonderful sleep. I don't know if it's because it's my week off of meds or not, but my bones hurt! My back hurts and the side of my hip area hurts. Like I need something else to remind me of this shit. Having one missing breast isn't enough? Let's pile on some teeth grinding bone pain instead. I don't ever remember it being this bad. Wtf I am so sick of dealing with this tears just aren't enough for how this makes one feel, the anger and frustration that builds up in you!!! No where To go with that ??? People who don't have cancer say ohhhh don't give up. When really it's all I want to do. ??? Nan, if this is how you're feeling. I am sending my love. I wish I could do something to help our sadness and this go away. I am just so distraught some days. I don't know how to even lift my head. I have to take a shower today which I hate. It's like a job anymore. I don't feel awake ever. I'm always on medicine. Never get a break from Meds bone wise, it just seems to be getting worse. I am starting to realize I am watching myself disappear before my eyes. Each month I get weaker. And more dull with my movements and I haven't jogged in well over a month! i am not sure at this point if I ever will. If this is what my 47 years of life had lead to. Why wasn't I given a choice? I didn't sign up for this agony. Not a good day for me. I need hugs. Today ! I am going to try to snap out of it. But I don't know today..... rough day and night. Ok rough week. I don't know how I am ever going to make it through every day Of progressively getting worse as time goes by l, we all know that's very possible . When can I get off? When do we have the right to say enough of this I'm done ? New pains popping up always scare me ! If it wasn't for my family who I love so very much, I am not sure where I would be. I need, we all need a miracle. My complaints are not lost in saying for Keetmom, that I can even have the right to complain when you have young ones at home with challenges, forgive me for bitching. Your precious ones mean so much. And so do us all. I thought since it was only in my bones (for now of course) I would able to fight either longer or harder. I'm not sure what I even thought. I guess I will never get over the shock of having this disease, no matter what. It's been over 18 months since diagnosis and I am like a roller coaster. Up and down always. I'm so sick of it all. Already. God bless you my friends and my MBC sisters. I genuinely love you. Strong beautiful women ! Hugs because I need them too. ~M~
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Micmel - I am so sorry to hear about your rough night and morning. We should have pm'd each other! I had what I call the twitches last night! I just cannot lay still and get comfortable. I was up until about 3am, then back up at 6. That is one negative about this treatment vs chemo. At least on chemo I knew how many days down, then when improvement started and then really good just in time to do it again. This treatment is so random...I get these twitches every month, but never around the same time. I get fatigue every month, but not in any predictable way. My great uncle, who was very old, would always say it was a good day because he woke up on this side of the grass! He owned the local funeral home... It used to crack me up! Always a smiling face, always a kind words. Whenever I picture him saying that I smile.
Do you like tea? I find chamomile can be very soothing. What about a nice bath with some scented bubbles and candles? I but this stuff called bath therapy, I soak in it when I'm sore and it usually helps.
Lay on the couch and watch a good movie...or a trashy show you wouldn't normally watch! Try one of those "don't know who the father is"! Or go to you tube and watch funny videos.
In the meantime, I have you and Nan and keetmom wrapped up in a huge hug!! I am going to go groom the horses for awhile. It soothes me and them. I will send peaceful thoughts your way.
Don't forget prayers for nan, her mri is today! Hope you feel better soon. Winging hugs and prayers your way!
Claudia
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good morning Claudia. So nice to see your shining face this morning. I took my meds and forced myself to get up and do some over due errands. It felt good to get out. I am in awe that you still groom horses. You're amazing on this thread. I am of course praying for Nans MRI!! Was saying prayers last night for us all. I miss her beautiful smile here. Petthose lovely horses for me. I am sooo jealous of where you live. Reminds me of when I was a kid. 😞😢
keetmom~ hope all is well today after chemo and you're feeling better then yesterday. Sending prayers and hugs your way. ~M~
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Micmel - those poor horses don't get near as much tlc as they used to. I just can't handle it in this heat. But once the temperature drops a little, that is usually where you can find me. All our friends know to come straight to the barn when they come over unannounced.
Like you I decided to run errands, what a waste of valuable time and energy. Stores did not have what I needed. Fresh markets fish and produce looked worse than Walmarts. I had my heart set on Ahi tuna for dinner. Now got no plan. Stores didn't have phbalancec water I wanted. Nor the plants I wanted to get to replace the ones our house sitter let die, after promising she would water them....sigh. Oh well. I'm glad you are feeling better!
Keetmom, how about you?
Nan, still with you in spirit! Check inn soon please.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~ hello beauty, I tried to make the most of my day after getting the best yet tumor markers I have ever had. I was floored. I am praying this continues and we all have this happen for us. That we all have days like this to pull us out of our slumps. The nurses and doc seem to think my pain is muscles. Because I'm laying down too much!!! I think that makes sense. I haven't been feeling well for three weeks and have been in bed because of it. I was sure it was bad. So now I start round #9.
Can you tell me the names of your horses? How many do you have? I love them. Please take pics of you can. I love animals. So very much. Are they quarter horses? I used to ride like the wind. Two years ago my DH and I drove down to West Virginia to Cacapon and rented two horses and had a romantic picnic in the mountains and tied off the horses. I had fallen in love all over again with my DH. It was a special time. It was a smaller palomino. I loved him HisName was whinnie. I miss those days. Never realized how special that ride eally was until now.
Nan ~ we love you. MRI is on our mind honey.
Sending hugs and prayers. My friend.
Keetmom~ hope all is well with you ! Hugs to you all ~M~
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Had a marvelous day,the group redoing Emma's room sent us to Green Bay for the night...spent all day at Lambeu Field... I am feeling good today, steroids make a world of difference....
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what a special day for you And your family. I love love the pic. Look at your awesome family. Brought an instant smile to my face thank you so much for sharing. I love to see good things happen to good people. May you have many many more day like that one, so glad you were you were feeling up to all of that. What a day you all had !! That's so cool. You're a trooper. Thank you for sharing. Made my day! Hugs ~M~ I have never been down on the field ever. That is so special. Something you'll never forget as a family. Wonderful day!!!!
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Micmel - We have2horses. I will get pictures of them tomorrow. Maddie is our mare and BigB is our gelding. We have had Maddie for 10years and we had BigB 7 years ago and bought him back in March. Hence my name BigB home. I have always regretted letting him go and was so grateful to get him back. On our farm, they were stalled side by side and always turned out together. They remembers each other immediately. I cried happy years! Actually, Maddie was a phenomenal high performance show horse. That ended at dx, not so much for physical reasons, but the combination of demanding training and stress of showing. BigB was show horse but I bought him to be my go to horse. Every once in awhile I would show him in small local shows for fun. Never expected anything from him except a good time. They areTennessee the Walkers. I gave up all Saddlebreds after dx. Needed smooth rides.
I love them to bits! They keep me sane.
Anyway, Good night .
Hugs
Claudia
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Micmel - I wrote that last post last night and was so tired at the time, I completely forgot the most important part. YAY on your TM!!!!! Doing the happy dance for you!! So absolutely wonderful!
Keetmom - How special was that! What a treasure for your family! Beautiful memories, that's what we all should be making!
Nan - still here holding you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you are feeling some soothing quietness.
I will get those pictures today.
Three of my favorite boys!!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia ~ hi sweetheart!! Thanks so much. ! I feel pretty good today and wish I could help you with those horses!!! Is that your DS and grand children? (The adult looks young!!)😍😍😍💜 my heart is so warmed by seeing that. I feel like I already know you. I did notice you got some responses in the ibrance thread. Which I was happy about. You're too special to be not responded to my friend!! I pray everyday I will be able To reach a point to where I see my grandchildren. Someone I am close to here on the boards said to me yesterday. You need to start living your life. You have lazy cancer!! It made me smile and ever since I have been uplifted and smiling. You ladies here are such a part of me now. I pray to see Nan soon. I'm getting worried. But do not want to intrude if she needs her space and time. But I so care. I can't wait to see the horses. And thanks for he good wishes about the TMarkers. Phew!👍😌😰. Love you guys lots! Here is my hound dog Deeohgee. I loved to see your precious family in your lives that warm your heart And such Special people. I'll drag together some pics as well.Thanks also Keetmom for sharing your special day out atLandau field. What a ride that must have been. And you guys so desperately deserve all the good things that come your way !! Much love ❤️ ~M~
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Micmel -
Thank you for sharing! This is dh and Skittles from when we were camping. Yes, that was ds and Grands! I will tell Ds you said that, he is 36 years old. Gosh that makes me feel ancient. I am going to be the big 60 in a couple of weeks. I can tell you, on most days I don't feel it, then on others I feel 90. Horse pictures do not look good. Will have Dh take a couple for me this weekend.I love that your cancer is lazy! Mine is a bully, pops up and threatens to get me, then when we start fighting back it runs off with its tale tucked between its legs. Thank God!
Woke up today and having rough day. I have two terrible character traits, 1 I am very sensitive and my feelings are easily hurt, 2 I am extremely empathetic so I feel everyone's suffering and happiness(grateful for that) to strongly. Since I am feeling worn out today, I am going to respond to a couple of posts and then take a break for a couple of days. Know that you are always going to be in my thoughts and prayers. Nan and Keetmom, also. Love you and will be back in a couple of days.
Stay strong! Hugs, hugs and more hugs to you! Have a great weekend!
Prayers
Claudia
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hello melissa , claudiia and amie....i made it thru my scan then chemo yesterday( thanks for being there in spirit, it helped ), then the whole nite with out a call from my doc....my last brain scan was the one that showed i needed that emergency brain surgery so that must have been in the back of my mind this whole time....i see my brain doc tuesday so hopefully there are no new little ones either (just hate that damn halo they use for the gamma knife treatment, its like a horror show)....yesterday my hemoglobin was to low again so i got a double dose of procrit to build it back up( had a dose last week too), i think that must b messing with my mood or maybe its the new chemo or the parp inhibitor(oh a butterfly just landed on me ,huge yellow and black one, just what i needed for a true smile)...i have more CTs scheduled in 2 weeks to see if this new treatment is working....my daughter is getting married in september and im so happy for her but i cant do anything to help with it, in fact im out of the loop when it comes to the shower and all the other fun stuff i just dont have the strength for anymore ( its so sad, she is my only child)...i picked up some sleep aids at the health food store this week ( i also get twitchie at night ) and i have gotten 3 really good nights sleep so i really am feeling much better and mentally stronger....i'll never understand how i can just nod off during the day then lay with my eyes open half the night and i wont let myself nap during the day just for that reason but my eyes close anyway....M- i'm so sorry to hear about your son and i really hope there is no lasting damage....A- i have a friend who started a chairity in our area to redo rooms for kids in the fight since they spend so much time there and the work they did just blew me away...i would love to see pics when its done....C- i'll meet you back here when you are ready.....thank you all so much for not forgetting about me, i really feel that alot of people in my life would rather not think of what i've got going on, no not everyone thank God....I never thought that i would ever be the person who could bring the whole room down just by walking in ( oh i dont feel that right here ) but i can feel the whole energy change when people see death so close , its to weird.....cancer is such a lonely disease......i promise i wont leave any of you lovely ladies feeling alone any more....thanks for being there and try to keep shining bright....love you, Nancy
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Here are some pictures from the room reveal...it is AMAZING..... she is SO happy....Emma LOVES doing crafts and LOVES duct tape!!! We had an amazing weekend...didn't sleep much last night in hotel so think I will crash soon...we eventually have to figure what to do with everything they took,out of her room, but that is for another day..my bed is calling...
Amie
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Nan~!!!!!!Hi sweetheart! I am so happy to see you beautiful! Welcome back. We missed you so very much. We were so concerned and worried about you. The butterfly sounds lovely. I haven't seen many lately and always wonder why Or where they have gone. ? When I was little they were in abundance!! Love seeing your name here 💜💜 huge hugs Nan. We love you so glad to hear you're feeling better. I needed to know you were ok!!
A~ Omfg!!! That room is awesome and that desk is so damn neat. I am so happy for you and your family. That is really something to see her smiling face on her bed with such happiness. I am so smiling seeing such a beautiful smile on her face. The precious. Baby!!! Love the carpet. Walls. Bed! Everything. That is such an amazing thing you had done for your family. It is so amazing what good out there, there still is. I am so thrilled you found some. I hope every day that room brings her some much deserved joy! Way to go mom and dad!!!! Hugs hugs love you!
C~ your place is always waiting here. Rest your body and mind and we will be here thinking of you. And waiting to see your beautiful smiling face back here with your friends. Your DH looks so kind and sweet. Warms my heart to see all the wonderful people we share out lives with, I am still working on my phone and transferring pictures. Love you all. ~M~
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Both are sooo true!!! Wow. What a statement. These days even more. No one wants honesty anymore. It's all pretty picture paintings of what people think people should do and be. Nan~ if anyone's has issues with you and what you're going through. They are not worth your time, I think people can really suck sometimes. Like I said. No one ever understands u less they walk in your shoes. Hugs all ! Much love!! ~M~0 -
the weather has been lovely. I have felt better on my week off of medicine, but now my tongue is really back to hurting and no taste. I am watching people I care about suffer and it is not fair. Sometimes I just don't understand why people are out on this earth, only to suffer. I hope everyone is well. Haven't heard from you all! Hugs ~M ~
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M - I am praying for DR. It is horrible to be in such pain! Where is Mo in all this? Why isn't he helping her. He is the leader of her team. He should be doing something. I am furious she is being allowed to suffer like this! This is completely unacceptable! She needs a really strong patient advocate! I am praying like crazy and going to make some inquiries as to how to get better help for her! I refuse to feel helpless and am determined to find her a strong voice!
Your tongue pain is so strange. Can't they figure out the cause? I have no pain and my taste buds are not numb. I will say, things don't taste the way they used too and it can be a challenge to want to eat sometimes. When I was on Faslodax, eating meat of any kind, was rough. I had to substitute eggs, cheeses and beans for protein. It was challenging. Now the struggle is to find something that is appealing to me. Some days it is rough.
I hope you have a great day and your tongue feels better.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~Hi there! The ibrance is the reason my tongue is the way it is. That oral chemo kicks your butt. With fatigue and sometimes sores and irritation in your mouth. It feels like I ate some hot pizza and burned my entire mouth. I hate it. But I'll take it over and over again to have Diana ok. I also wonder who is in charge of her case. No one should suffer ever dealing with something like this. Making a cancer patient wait behind 30 people, when they have a tube inside their body and it's extremely painful. Uh no!! I'm waiting to hear from her. I am happy to see you here. Thank you ! God bless us all.
Nan~ hope you're ok! Thinking of you !
Keetmom~ hope your family is all rested from your wonderful experience! Hugs ~M~
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Im around..recovering from wknd...car wouldn't start this am so needed a tow...leave on vacation in 10 days so attempting to think about that...feeling pretty good today though..
Amie
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a big hello to all....amie, i just love what they did with the room..and even making those flowers to match her comforter Amazing!! it inspires me to clean out and organize my art corner.....why are artists so messy? every one i know.......M-i completely agree with you and Tupac ( it is very wise) the only quote i can think of right now is from Alice " I give myself such good advise, but very seldom follow it "....so i read that the monarch butterfly population is down by almost 80percent ( they plant GMO crops that cant be killed using Round-Up, they spray R-U on crops to get a larger harvest and destroy all the milkweed which is the only plant a monarch caterpillar will eat. this practice is also destroying our bees) how do you stop this kind of destruction/Money?.....C- finding food is tough for me right now too, i find myself getting picnic foods like fresh mozzarella and red grapes or fresh avocado with chips cheese and fresh salsa. its a great time of year for eating fresh.....keep your bright lights on!!....
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Hi all, Amie, dd's room is awesome! Her smile is one of pure joy! You can't help but smile with her! I'm glad you enjoyed your weekend...yes resting up sounds like a great idea for you. So sorry to hear about your car, hopefully it's nothing serious.
Nan, I did not know that about the Monarchs, we have had quite a few this year. But we plant almost everything with the idea of getting lots of butterfly, hummingbirds and even bees( I am highly allergic) to keep everything pollinated. We also have a few lagustrem trees and crepe mertles. All I can say is we are doing our best to keep these beauties alive. I have been told to only eat non GMO foods. I do a fair job of that! You are so right about the fresh fruits, they have been a godsend for me! I keep a lot of it on hand. One of my favorite things to eat is fruit and cheese!
Z - Glad you were able to find a way that works for you! My employer made the decision for me after I was told I could not longer lift heavy items due to the abundance of bone mets inn spine. My employer decided to let me go because "Icould no longer perform the job for which I was hired" totally not true. Lifting was a very small part of my job, but what can you do? But Dh let his bookkeeping service go so I have something to feel like I'm contributing. Yay!
DR, storming the heavens with prayers for you is exactly what we are doing for you. Hoping for relief for you!
To everyone having scans this week, you are in our thoughts and prayers!
Micmel, how about fruits and cheeses for you? Hopefully the fruits will feel cool and refreshing on your tongue!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Good evening ladies.
I have been sucking on ice and eating some smoothies with fruit like you mentioned Claudia! I am loving ice cream all of a sudden. Anything cold for this hard boiled tongue. DR is home thank god and not in pain for once finally !! Thank you very much.
Keetmom~ I am sorry that your car is having issues. Seems to be a theme here as well. My sons car got hit. And the same day that happened my air conditioning in my van took a crap. I can't go anywhere without air conditioning. I will self combust ! Hope it's something minor and is easy to fix. Thinking of you all
Nan~Love seeing your name here, no wonder I never see any butterflies anymore. That is sad. Such fluttering beauty and grace. If only life were that easy.
Love you ladies. ~M~
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I don't know what's going on with me but I am keeping my fingers crossed that I am continuing on this path! My mind is clearer than its ever been. Since diagnosis. With just a few small words from a friend and my infusion nurse. The nurse told me that I have lazy cancer. I never thought I would ever be happier to hear the word lazy before. But I was thrilled, sometimes things Just hit you! Then my good friend DR says. "You have to start living your life." I've been hiding and sulking. Pity party for myself. I admit it. I can't help it. It's depressing having cancer. Constant worry. Constant fear like the floor is going to drop out from under neath me at any given blood test. My mastectomy is healed. I have been considering seeing a surgeon to have reconstruction on the left and reduction on the right. Maybe they can even salvage actual nipple. I am feeling strong. No pain since Friday. It's like a switch has been thrown. Not as much napping. More awake. More alive. I am going to hope that this ibrance is really doing is work. It has to be. The tumor markers said so right ? I want to believe that. Why does our mind seem to play tricks on us ? I am ok with one day at a time. If you really think about it. That's how we lived before we knew. The only difference is we have a good idea that...we unfortunately know how. Love you guys! ~M~ Have any of you had reconstructive surgery?I need some advice on it. I'm a big chicken. Bok bok bok!!!
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I got my car back, with a fresh battery....300 later...we had to have it towed there, and then the battery is in wheel well so there is no way to change it yourself...well maybe you could but there would be lots of swearing going on..well not me but DH..
Hanging in AC..it is muggy here today, supposed to cool down later this week...need to start packing for Vacation next week or atleast thinking about it...
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great thread.. love is GOOD.. we are all so blessed.. nothing else matters..
Ebr
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Keetmom~$300 isn't chump change these days. I am glad though you were able to fix it before vacation. I am jealous that you're hitting the beach!!! Lucky family who deserves it!! Be safe and have a blast. Make many many memories! Hope you have beautiful weather.
EBR~ welcome. Hope this finds you well. We are like a little town pub that is like cheers so. Everyone knows your name. We are collecting love stories that make families special and build a thread where everyone's love stories and families that make our world go around live on forever!Welcome to the thread. Hope you'll hang with us. And share your happiness and stories that make you and your family unique!! Hugs~M~
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Micmel - I am so, so happy for you! There is nothing better than peace and clarity! I read your post as I was leaving Publix, and did the happy dance all the way to the car! And happily hummed the whole way home! I would have posted sooner but I am baking a "special" chocolate fudge brownie cake for my bc yoga class tonight. I am used to baking the cake, but they requested a "special" ingredient that I have never used. I am hoping it turns out well. We obviously have a very open group! Anyway, I am still smiling from your post!
If all goes well, we will be having a very happy yoga class! Oh, and my support group for caregivers is a definite go! I am so excited about that!! Wish I could be a fly on the wall! But I will settle for these people to get the support they need! I feel so good about this! Words are not enough to describe how happy I am for you!!!!
Keetmom - so happy you got your ride back! $300, ouch. Take your time packing. Sometimes I wear myself out packing so much I start my vacation exhausted. Be kind to yourself.
Its a beautiful day in the neighborhood today!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~ I am wondering, what that special ingredient that may be. Yum yum! I hope your yoga goes extremely well. I am getting my own brownies next week looking very forward to how much they help. I am only in need of relief for my poor tongue. Yuck! Just annoying and it hurts. But if this is the price I pay for this medicine working I'll take it with. A smile and a tall glass of water to wash it down!!! Hope everyone had a great day. It's humid and hot here today....indoors kind of day. I pray once I figure out my foob maybe I'll be able to swim again. Ahhhh thoughts of the beach! Such memories of myself, in a small bikini with actually two boobs. I miss that. Hugs lovely ladies ~M~ I'm binge watching game of thrones. Makes me realize my life isn't that chaotic compared to a life style back then. There was no ibrance in those times. My palliative care doctor told me , honey you're in the time to where, if you're going to get cancer. Now is the time to be able to have the best treatments out there. She said. There is so much up and coming. I just want all my MBC sisters to benefit from all that's out there. Now!!!!
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I will admit that not much yogaing got done. Lots of giggling got done though!
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OMG that looks SO SO good
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That looks delicious🤤! I want some !! I have to wait for mine until next week. That sounds like a lot of fun, I am smiling at the thought of you giggling and trying to steady your control lol,Id be falling over,not to mention my bones are weak ! They offer free yoga classes here through the hospital. I am debating wether or not I am going to tackle it or not. I'm clumsy. I would most like pop a joint (no pun intended)! Or fall over randomly. I used to be so strong. I have no idea what happened to me. One day I just woke up and was told I had cancer. How the hell did that happen??? Hope everyone sleeps well I can't wait. Sleep is the only time I feel like I don't have to think. Goodnight ~M~ 💤 💤💤
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Slept pretty good. Hope everyone is feeling their possible best today! Really wanted some of that brownie cake! Feel pretty good again today. My palliative care doctor told me to take a pill of low doseage of methadone, and make it dissolve into a paste on my tongue and try to focus on the sore spots on my tongue. It seems to be slowly helping. Every night before bed I ve been doing it. Said something about the properties in the saliva mixing with the active ingredient in the methadone. It tastes like crap but if it helps. I'll try it. Hope everyone has a good day. As good as possible. Hugs ~M~
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my joke for today. Lol. Silly things make me laugh! Hope everyone is doing well. Hugs ~M~0 -
hahaha!!
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hi girlfriends/fellas?....i was going to wait till i had both scan results before i posted on this thread because i just wanted to double the good news but i cant wait and my CT is tomorrow and my brain MRI from last friday came back with NO new growth....i was so nervous this time because of the way everything had taken off growing but it stopped in my head at least....my doc is amazed (not sure how to feel about that),and they all get a huge smile when they see me (at least someone is lol) i guess it feels good to them too when something is working, my RO kept saying "wow, can you believe it's been over 2 years?" well ummmm, yup i lived it so i believe it, i think they forget that we cant leave it at the office the way that they can....it just keeps following us around.......big hugs
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That's great news and yes, I think they probably have some sense of accomplishment or it's like they're winning when something works.
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Nan - I am so happy for you! News news made my day! I can't even imagine the relief of getting that monkey off your back! Wow! Just, Wow!! I'm thinking a celebratory get together in the pub is what you need now! I pulled up my chair and grabbed a drink (ok its just water) now I'm ready to party!
M - I liked your joke today! are you at the table?
Illimae - I just love your emogi! Don't ever think you use it too much. It always brings a smile to my face! I'm so jealous though, I want one!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Bigbhome, it's an app called bitmoji, I love it. Can't get enough, it cracks me up.
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Nan~ Wonderful wonderful news my friend. I am smiling and thrilled to hear good news. I wish we could all hang together and celebrate some well deserved news! You have been through a rough month!!! We held your stool at the table ! I can't think of much more to Smile about, then hearing how happy your team Is with how well you're doing. Big hugs my friend!
Mae~ so nice to see you here! I love your posts!
Claudia my dear. I am here. My sweet DH is home for an extra long weekend, which makes me happy. Today is a good day. Nice to see you all ladies. Love you guys ~M~
Keetmom ~ hope all is well!
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Nan-- good news!!! Keep those good scans coming...mine is in about 6 weeks..
Every morning I get up and think I will start packing today...and then I don't..Have a week and I will have to be ready..a week from now we will be trying to get some sleep so we can leave at 3 am for the Beach...Looking forward to some drinks with little umbrellas....and our whole family together our 21 year old is coming with us..she has been working a ton so we haven't seen her a ton this summer....(of course she turned 21 over winter so she will want drinks with little umbrellas too)0 -
Keetmom~I remember packing for a long vacation, I always ended up wearing the same thing everyday. My bathing suit with a comphy cover up with my favorite shorts and sandals. I hope you all have great weather and the best memories one could ever make. You are a wonderful mom and person. I can't believe it's already August. Where did the summer go? I don't want to rush things by any means but I am not a happy sweating kind of gal. I need the fall to arrive so I can feel active again.
Claudia~ hope all is well in your world, we have had three good news scans here this month. Let's go for every scan being awesome ladies!! I hope everyone has a great Friday, and weekends. I think we are cloudy today. Which is fine with me. I am not a sun goddess any longer. Cancer took care of that as well. Now not only am I one boob down, I am pale as a ghost while I'm at it. Yuck!
Nan~ still riding the effects of your good news wave. I hope every second for a good long time to come. You can smile and say. I'm kicking cancers ass!! I love you guys!!
Mae~ welcome to the thread! Hope you will join us and share your thoughts of your day, and know we are always here with a stool with your name on it. Love those emojis.
Love you guys. Sisters always! ~M~
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Good morning everyone! Last day of 23rd cycle of Ibrance! Still going strong...ok not so much...tired. Cloudy and rainy here today, but I am not going to wallow in it. I have paperwork i have to tackle today.
The news here has been awesome...let's keep it up!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Thanks for the welcome, although, I've been here before (pages 1 & 2), it's just been a while. My husband is back out on the road again, so I'm pretty much on my own until October. We will miss each other even though we speak every day but we also seem to make each other lazy, so these breaks are actually very productive times for us individually. His cooking and naps = weight gain
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I remember seeing you here before Mae! I am sorry but I have to lol at you saying you make each other lazy. lol that's perfect. It means you're so comfortable with each other. I do however totally relate to the gaining weight thing because of DH cooking. Although ibrance doesn't give me my functioning taste buds. Ugh! Nothing has taste anymore. I hope your DH will be safe on his travels. My DH goes to Our other house all week and comes back Home on weekends. I miss him a lot during the weeks. But I also think it's part of the reason I am doing so well. I have to do things on my own. Although I do love love it when he is here. He's here until. Tuesday this week. So let us say ....welcome back!
Claudia~ hello my dear. Cloudy here too. Paperwork is not fun. I am still dealing with all that with this accident. They totaled the car Like I thought. Why is it. They never seem to give you quite what you put into it?? Sucks! Now we play the settlement on an amount of worth for the car from the loss department. That should be such fun!! Grrrrr. Hope you will have a good day when you're done the paper work!! Hugs to all ~M~
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okay Claudia I just went back and read. Did you say 23 round wow. That's amazing. I'm truly thrilled for that. That is something else. You keep going on this medicine. You're amazing. God bless you darling ! ~M~
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Rainy and cold here too..its actually below 60...got our suitcase and started packing..
Claudia 23 cycle...that is great..I did 12 would have loved more....0 -
So I was supposed to be doing paperwork...did this instead. Darn, it won't come up. Says not enough memory. I made an emojis. Oh well...I have to figure out how to send it
Keetmom - I wish you could have gotten 23 also. I agree with Michel, a bathing suit, cover up, comfy shorts, comfy tees and flip flops! Your packed! You are going to have a great time! Beaches and family...always a winning combo!
Nan- have an awesome weekend, you deserve it! I wish I had a fraction of your strength!
Mae - I have to figure out how to get this to work. Thanks for sharing where to get the emojis! I thought my dh used to travel alot! That must be rough.
Micmel- Enjoy every second with your dh! Mo said he knew a couple of women from the Ibrance trial still on it! That's our new goal!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Hello! It turned out to be a hot one today. Humid and nasty. I don't know how I used to be in the sun all day long. My days of sun bathing are long gone. That makes me sad. I love the pool and the feel of the sun on my skin. I agree the emojis are a lot of fun! I spend a long time looking for them also. I'm not as technical as Mae either. Lol. I am still Game of thrones watching! Perfect thing to do inside the house on a hot day outside. It's the weekend. Anyone have good plans? I know keetmom is going away for vacation. We will miss you! Hope your family travels safely.
Mae show uswhat you got with those emojis!! More more!
Nan~ hugs sweet friend.!! ~M~
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Got to have dinner with our 21 year old today...her sisters were very happy
...a week from now we will be through the first day of our drive..the weekend needs to be spent shopping for last minute stuff for the trip...IE snacks for in the car to make the trip easier..though we will still probably buy stuff at gas stations...0 -
For the GoT fans
And for those who still laugh at childish things
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Raises her hand and admits the child still lives inside of me. Lol. DH will love that one. lol those are really cute. ~M~
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I woke up feeling fine and pretty good physically. My DH is so active, I feel like I am the hole in his bucket. I hate that feeling. I just can't do what I want or what I am used to doing. Then it hits me again. There is a strong chance he will go onto meet someone else. Then my Heart is ripped out beating on the floor again. Such pain that brings me. How the hell am I supposed to just accept that I am going to be leaving him way before either of us ever imagined? How am I supposed to just accept any of that.?I hate cancer so much. I hate feeling like i have already died. But yet I am still here. I suffer everyday with this heavy feeling of loss in my heart. It just never goes away. I wanted to travel with him. I wanted to grow old with him. I love him. He loves me, why did this even have to happen? I don't understand. I know I never will. Hope everyone else is doing good. ~M~
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Micmel - I hope you feeling better today! I hope you are just enjoying your time together and not thinking about the future. But if you are... I read your dx and your treatments and you my friend are probably going to be here for years! We have the same cancer and are on the same treatment (I know everyone is different) and here i am over 5 years later and going strong! If I can you , you can. You are young, you are otherwise health, and to quote my xmo, if you have to be stage 4, this is the best place to be. Bones only. So my plan is to be here a long time.
We have been crazy busy the last few days and by early evening we have been exhausted. Last night we had dinner with a group of friends and laughed and had a great time! Feeling good today and plan to enjoy the day.
Illimae - I think you would be a hoot to hang out with! I built my emoji but when I try to send it i get a not enough memory to complete the process. I even dumped a bunch of junk of my tablet to create more space and still can't do it. ..sigh.
Nan- How did your scan come out? I hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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bigbhome, bummer about the app and I have my moments, I do find humor in many things
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I did it!! That's me!
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Hahaa! Nice, love it!
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1 off my bucket list! We did this 5 years ago after radiation!
Where are you Micmel? I hope you are having a great day!
Claudia
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Claudia~. Yay! You did it. Awesome. I am going to have to see how the heck to do that.
Mae created a monster! Lol. Glad to see everyone here. I very much enjoy your good spirit and laughter Mae I hope you'll keep coming back
Nan~ where are you darling? Hope all is well. Keeping your seat warm for you!
Keetmom~hoping your vacation is as awesome as you and your family had hoped.
My sweet friend is at the cancer center again. Dianarose, I am praying beyond prayer at this point to help her. She's an angel I found here along side of you wonderful people.
Hugs to all.
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I love that pic Claudia. Look at your beautiful smile!! You look so happy. I can see why it would be your bucket list item! I love swimming! I have DH here and he was making homemade pasta. I was spending some quality time with him. I adore that man!! Where were you in that picture!? Loving it! Hugs and prayers !!
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.....I really have to learn to heed this phrase everyday. I am my minds worst enemy! Love you guys. Now I am going to work on learning those awesome emojis! ~M~0 -
Good morning Micmel, we were at Adventure Island in Florida. I loved the dolphins! I am such an animal lover! The beauty of nature, and the beauty of animals, never fails to put a smile on my face! A lot of our trips are focused on those two things!
Grandchildren, nature and animals never fail to bring smiles and a feeling of peace!
Good morning to everyone! Nan?
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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I want to go there !! Looks like fun. I love dolphins as well. I also love the water. Not sure if I'll ever get to an island with my DH like we planned. I am feeling pretty good these past few days. Today I crashed. Slept two naps and I think I am going on nine hours of sleep. Hope I am able to sleep tonight. My medicine does help mellow me out but I did get sleep for all of us today! Hope your day has been good. Where is Nan?? Nan, Nan? Hope everything is ok darling. Haven't seen you in a few days or more. Keetmom. Preparing to leave soon for your trip. I am worn out thinking about it. God bless you guys! Mae~ hope you're having a good day also. I can't believe it's almost over already and I slept Most of it. Hugs ! To all !! ~M~
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Micmel - you're so funny! Adventure Island is in Orlando, Florida! It was not my first choice but we could not afford Aruba! Actually, it turned out to be fun, especially if you love water! I would do it again. If you go off-season , you can get combo tickets for Sea World and Adventure Island. It is extra to swim with the dolphins! Also, it's not so insanely hot!
Every summer ,we ask ourselves why we stay here, and every winter we say this is why. It's not just winter , though. From October to end of April is great! May is a struggle, then June to October is miserable. No place is perfect.
Hi Keetmom, Nan and Illimae!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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hi bigbhome and everyone
Hope everyone is well. This is a week of adjustments for me, started back to work yesterday, I'm happy, I was so bored at home but I hate getting up to an alarm. I would sleep in and just come in late but I start radiation tomorrow and will be leaving early every day for the next 6 weeks.0 -
Mae~ I haven't had radiation yet and I don't really know too much about it, I know it's a lot of consecutive appointments to have and time consuming to travel for some. I hope you're going to sail through it with little side effects. You're in my prayers.
Claudia~I have been trying to get out at least once or twice a day. Even if it's just a ride. I am looking forward to fall so I can start walking again. I enjoy the cooler air and weather. I have always wanted to go to a tropical island. I have never been to Florida. But I have been to Berumda and Hawaii,. So I guess they qualify as islands lol but those weren't with my DH. We have been focusing on raising the kids and making sure they have a good home and life. My divorce was pretty nasty. Then I found the love of my life! Everyday has been a blessing. I am watching game of thrones and then I guess I'll see if I can sleep. Ugh! Naps some days aren't a good idea! Hugs to everyone and prayers coming your way. ~M~
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My dog Deeohgee got his head stuck in the trash can lid a few weeks ago. Lol I just had to share ! Good night ladies ~M~ If any of you have pets. Please post them. I love dogs and animals. They always make me smile. Like Claudia said!0 -
I love that, what a funny guy. Here's my boy Biggie, he's the last remaining of our pack and just turned 13!
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Mae~💜Biggie. He looks like he is just sitting in your passenger seat talking to you like it's an everyday Occurrence! He looks calm and collected talking with his mom, nothing else could be better in the world for him. Adorable!!!! And he's looking fine for 13!! Deeohgee is 8 but the walker coonhound in him, has him up to some dastardly things. He's like a cat, when he wants you to pay attention to him. He means it. But otherwise please leave him alone lol. Meow! We say! Love him though, dogs make me smile every day. They are crazy sometimes. We have two dogs. Ones a rescue. The others name is Tag. He is a great loyal doggie! Thank You for sharing biggie. He's perfect! Have a great day Mae! I love your sense of humor! Everyday! Hugs ladies ~M~
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I woke up Feeling pretty good. Most days anymore I wake up feeling pretty darn good. I am not complaining in any way. I just want my breast back. I also don't want to Feel so old, when I move or try to get into a small space. I just don't understand how all of this has happened. I look in the mirror and I don't know who or what is looking back at me. I hate the phrase new normal. But I do think it's a true statement. I hate what this does to people I love and care about. I hate how it just invades every cell we have. All we can do is just go along wondering and really not knowing. It's just not fair. I will never accept that this has happened. I'll never be ok with having cancer ever. I can never adjust to feeling this sick and I haven't even done anything yet. It's like a fog and syrup that we have to trudge through just to walk a small distance, then we feel like a nap. I have some left over residual side effects from the Abraxane and the nerve damage and neuropathy that it gifted to me in my feet. It sucks. My balance is shot, I feel like I could fall any minute sometimes. When I try to do things. I was never like this before. Some times I can feel My feet just fine,others. It feel odd and tingles. I really didn't agree to sign up For this shit. None of us have. None of us!! Hugs ~M
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Micmel - Those dogs are so cute! I'm glad you can still have bigger dogs! Many of the MBC group have had to give theirs up because they could no longer handle them. We lost our Dixie last year and I would love another one I know I can no longer handle a dog of that size and energy. Glad you are having a good day!
Mae - Your boy is a doll! Like M said, just sitting in seat riding with mom! He looks great for 13! I'm glad you are happy about going back to work.
Have a great day!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Mae~ I am awe of you even considering going back to work, there is no way I could do it. You're an amazing woman. I hope that it will be something that you enjoy and it's not going to stress you out in anyway. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Claudia~ you have horses. Lol that is bigger than a dog! These two dogs are well behaved. My DH made sure of it. Deeohgee is a handful. But tag is quiet and loyal. Very observant doggie. Always watching his masters. Making sure all is good. I hope you are feeling good today as well.
Nan?
Keetmom~ hoping your preps are all done for the vacation snacks! Those little hidden items add up!! Be safe on your travels !
~M~
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I need some prayers for my good friend Dianarose. She's been struggling this month and is really not doing as well as we have been praying for. She's been in And out of the hospital and cancer centers for the past month every week, I am worried beyond worry for her, I can't even eat my stomach is in knots. She has become a special friend to me and I adore her. Please send up some prayers if you can. I dont know what to Do. I feel So helpless for her and I am really scared this time. She's back at the cancer center receiving the big guns treatments again through chemo. I didn't want her to have to go through this again. None of this disease is fair. I hate you cancer, you hurt people I love. You hurt good innocent people who are loving and kind. I feel sick as I write this. I don't know what to do. I can't even see her or help her in anyway. Ugh!!!! So frustrating, this sucks so badly. There are just no words whatsoever. To describe how frustrating this is all for us. God bless us all. Much love ~M~
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Illimae - You crack me up! How was radiation? Work? All is going well I hope!
Micmel - praying like mad for Dianarose! I hope the a/c works!
Claudia
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Good night ladies. It's been a rough day. Mae~ love that good vibes thought. Please keep the good Thoughts up. My good friend is not doing well, I am scared for her. She doesn't deserve this. No one does. I don't want to have her suffer, or any of us for that matter. It's all so scary and unknown.
Claudia~ thank you for the prayers for her.... for us all. I wish there was an answer to all of this pain, mental anguish, and suffering. She's already been through this heavy chemo once. It worries me behind imagination that this could very well happen to us all. I am praying my little heart out. For us all.... for a cure... for something positive to turn this disease around. Sleep well ladies. ~M~0 -
bigbhome, radiation itself didn't happen today, more planning and mapping. I have 3 different colored sharpie markings on me, I look like i passed out at a party, fortunately none of the drawings are penis shaped, lol. I'm told tomorrow is the day, for real this time. Oh and I have to wear a "mask"to keep my head turned to the right, I call it a face cage, the staff seemed to find the term very amusing.
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hello everyone!!!!....i took a peek at my scan results online (doc appt is fri) and it sounds to me like the results are good....they do speak a different language on there tho....i'm crazy tired and catching cat naps thru the day and night and i'm finding it very difficult to read right now...my DD wedding shower is this weekend and i'm feeling a lil overwhelmed right now.....big hugs
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Nan~Hi sweetheart!! I am so glad to see your name here. I am thankful you're doing good and that your results look good. That is certainly something I needed to hear. I desperately needed to hear something good. I am hoping that your reading issue bugs off like now! We love you very much. Always
Mae~lmao at I looked like I passed out at a party. Lmao! Your sense of humor is catching. Lol. I am going to be thinking of you and praying that your radiation is quick and does the trick! Are you having bone pain?? I ask because I know you and I are similar with the limited bone mets? I am curious as to how the pain progresses and where you're having pain? I wish you nothing but the best! I don't have any pain anymore to speak of, and lately over the past month I have been feeling really good. Not anywhere near where i was,but the tumor markers have plummeted and are within normal range if that is possible even. I am just curious as to the process in case I should ever need the radiation. I want to educate myself. I am assuming mapping means the places where they will administer the radiation!? Sorry if I am a fury of questions lol you just got up. But....at least it's Not waking up with an image of a penis on your head!!!! TFF!
Claudia~ good morning darling. Hugs to you sweet friend. Hope you have a good day, I have to pick up my DS from the airport tomorrow, he went to Florida on a mini vacation. I'll be glad and waiting for his plane to touch down safely. I am such a mother hen. He is 20. You would think I would get used to them growing up. But I am still so protective of them. I don't know if that will ever change. Being a parent is hard already. Being a parent with cancer is even harder. As some of you know! I guess age is just a number when love is involved.
Keetmom~ hope everyone is having fun!! Thinking of you all having a blast in South Carolina. Hugs.
Love you guys. ~M~
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Hi Nan, Good to hear from you! I'm so glad about the good scans! Wish you were feeling better! Enjoy the wedding shower ! We will be here when you are ready!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Good morning ladies, I hope everyone has a good day. Shower day is always such fun. I get to see the horror I have become. It's really sad. I no longer see any beauty. I see a train wreck. Someone who will never be whole again. Damaged physically and mentally. Never to fully recover. I am thankful for you ladies. I am here every day. I enjoy reading your words. I enjoy sharing everyday with you all. Youre funny. Clever, witty and so kind. I just wish MBC didn't bring us all here. Think about how many of us there are. It truly rips my heart in two. My friend is struggling and I can't do a damn thing. It is a helpless disease. I just don't know why things are he waythey are for us. So many unanswered questions.Then one of you will share good news and my steps lift. And I can smile. So please don't leave me in This journey and I'll truck along right along with you. Kicking and screaming the entire time. Much love! ~M~
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Micmel, my radiation is part of the standard protocol, post surgery rads to left breast and affected nodes. I won't be having radiation to my hip bone met at this time as it is healing and not painful. In fact, in never bothered me and was a complete surprise. If it wasn't for the lump, I would not have believed anyone saying I had cancer, much less stage IV. I was the healthiest I've even been, eating well, getting 150-200 minutes of activity/week and had lost 40 lbs in 11 months. Then boom!, hit by the cancer truck but I'm up, on my feet and continuing down the path I was originally on, just way more cautious.
And yes, by mapping, I mean where the Mark me up to ensure the position I'm in lines up with the machine. Here's a pic, I look like children's artwork.
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Leaving tonight for vacation,Emma ended up in hospital over night this week,, she is doing better now...but not what you want to do 2 days before vacation, esp when hospital is 2 hours away. Good thing I had a lot done ahead of time.
Micmel sorry about your friend..
Mae good luck with radiation0 -
Keetmom~ I hope Emma is ok!!!! That is scary. You have so much going on. You're an amazing family, please drive safely and have an absolute blast. Nothing like that sweet family time. God bless you and your family!
Mae~that is a lot of lines. I hope that it comes right off for you and you're not going to be in too much pain, how many will you have to have.? I pray it will be over and done soon for you! You're a tough Cookie, we all are! I wish I had more energy. To travel and do things. I hate my heat flashes. They are not just annoying. But embarrassing also I get all red faced and sweat real bad, Ineed a rag to clean myself up! I hate this disease! Hate it! Love you guys though!
Claudia ~hope youre feeling better today my friend. Rest up and we will be here waiting. I'll be here going crazy! Hugs to you too Nan. 💜~M~
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For my good friend Diana. Love you my sweet friend. Holding you close in prayer and sending you love from my soul! I am sorry this is happening and I hope the heavy chemo knocks it back! ~M~0 -
Micmel, I think this is my new look, at least for the next 6 weeks (30 sessions). No tattoos, I'm ok with that either way, I have several of my own already.
Hopefully, you'll begin to feel like your old self soon and your friends condition will improve. Enjoy your evening.
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Thanks Mae~ I know with me mine is more emotional! I am exhausted and that heavy chemo kicked my rear end, but that ended in November of 16. My feet and fingertips still feel the neuropathy and when I shave my legs I can feel some on the ankle area. Very faint, but it's there. I am also a victim of fatigue. I know I hate that word. But oh is it real. As we all know. 30 rounds of radiation, wow is that everyday?? I hope you live close !!
I read something today as far as statistics go for marriages and a cancer diagnosis. Over 55%of marriages with diagnosis ended up in divorce. In a different survey:: If the woman was sick it was higher for men leaving then women. 65% men left. That number is huge! If the Man was sick, it was 35% women left the marriage. I Cant imagine not having my sweet DH by my side. Life is hard! Cancer just makes it harder! Have a great night! ~M~
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......To our lovely DHs and family. That make worth fighting this battle or war! I don't know what I would do without my DHs love and support. He takes care of me. Always has since the first day I met him. He is my best friend and my love. I am fighting to be with him and my kids. My precious family. Your precious families. God bless them all! ~M~0 -
It's so weird how some days you wake up feeling pretty good and other times you wake up feeling like ass. I know headaches are a symptom of ibrance and all hormonal medicines. But when I get a headache I freak out. I get a arm ache. I freak out. I am so sick of hearing the word cancer, Seeing the word cancer, knowing all that it does to you and the load road ahead and the struggle we all seem to face. I just never hated anything quite like this before. Usually when you hate something you can find ways to avoid it . Good tastes like shit, you Don't eat it. An outfit doesn't flatter you, you don't wear it again. Sneakers wear out, you replace them. Why cant we just get rid of this cancer too?Why do we have to deal with this.? While good people all over the world suffer from this horrible disease. You loose people in your life that can't deal with cancer or you. So they fade away. They don't like cancer so they avoid it. They avoid you. I have had that happen with one fair weather friend. "Oh we don't care about your hair, we love you, we'll find a wig, you'll be ok ". Um not really, it's spread.....crickets. Crickets, nothing since that day. Nada! Some people have no balls. And yes I mean men too. I've been so annoyed at that study I read. Why would anyone leave someone they love because they got cancer.? Do they really think this was their choice? Do they really think we choose to have this happen to our bodies.? Our minds? It makes me sick. I just wish I could go back to the time where they said oh. It's a cyst, I wish I would have said no. Get it out now. I am just a shell of what I once was. I was so fit and lean. How can that be just gone ? The best shape of my life? How can that possibly be? So now I am forced every day to live with this monkey on my back. I love my family more than words. As well as you all of course love your families. I have never hated anything so much in my life. The worst part is. I can't run from this, I can't outrun this disease that has grabbed a hold of me, and won't let go. I cant avoid the cancer centers. I can't avoid my onc, or those shitty ass outdated statistics that we are sick of hearing about. I am going to fight you shit head cancer. I am not going gently into thy night. Not by a long shot!!! Love you guys. Stay strong with me. I need you guys!! I am praying for my dear friend, and all of us everyday. ~M~
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my good friend had to go back again to the cancer center. 😰😭. She is having blood pressure issues and heart issues. I'm literally crying and shaking with worry. I love you Diana. I am holding your hand tightly and loving you always. I don't like this at all. Such helpless feelings. I just don't know what to do. For her? Her lovely family For me, for us all. I just don't think any of this is fair. I am so angry and sad right now I don't know If I Am coming Or going!! I went out to the store with my DD. I had to sit down two times because of stupid heat flashes. I was hot as hell. THis weather sucks! I ranTo Walmart and homegoods and out to lunch and you would think I was out running twenty miles or more!! Now I am so tired and soaked from the constant sweating! Any ideas on how to battle these awful heat flashes ? !!? It's like swimming, without the water. Ugh!! Yuck!!! ~M~
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I hope everyone is doing ok. I am still waiting for news on my good friend. Some days having this place to write helps me. I have to have somewhere to get my thoughts out. This disease is so ugly. Every single thing about it is ugly. Except the relationships. You build are real. They are intense real and forever. My husband and I have grown even closer and are more in love than the first day we were together. That's is the one thing cancer hasn't taken from me. The one thing! He's my precious angel. But who would have thought that precious angel would be getting his own angel. Way before we had ever thought possible. So hard to digest. Such a hard jagged pill to swallow. C-can't ever a-answer any questions n-never nice never-c-couldn't wish on my worst enemy e-enemy of us all R-resistance is all we have. Eff you! Cancer
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We went 1000 ish miles...through 6 states..stayed in Wythville VA...now today to the beach...a lot less driving...
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Micmel - I was shocked to read about Dianarose! I have been praying for her and for you. All we can do is pray that God has his hands on her. I'm quite sure he does!
I don't have time to explain what has been going on here, but know that I am fine and will talk to you when I have a break.
Keetmom - Wow 1000ish miles!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~ I hope you're ok. I have been wondering how you have been feeling, and am concerned to make sure you're doing ok? I know this disease is like a sea saw! I am praying for you all as well and always will be. I will wait to hear from you. Hugs my friend.
Keet~ wow you're such a busy bee! I hope that you're not too worn out. You have been burning the candle from both ends for a little while now. I hope you're at least getting the rest that you need. Don't wear yourself out!!
Nan~ we love and miss you! Hope you're ok too!
Mae~ hope radiation wasn't too bad for you. All of you are in my prayers always.
~M~
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Today sucks ass. That's all I can say! I am sick of having cancer and I am sick of living this horrible way. I don't want to do this anymore. Family or no family. This is just no way to live. For any of us. I hope you're ok Claudia. God knows I am not. Why Is it that somedays we feel half decent but then wham. A shitty day makes us realize we are sick. And it's not going to get better only worse. Ive had about enough of it all. It's living a slow torture is what it is. God help us. Because we are going to need it.
Much love but sadness ~M~
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Good morning from the beach....beautiful day here...enjoying listening to wave...took walk on the beach this morning..and ate some amazing seafood. Here are a few pictures..
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Keetmom~Hello beautiful! Looks like a place I would love to be. The sun is shining and look at that water. Love love seafood. That is what the beach is all about. I am so happy thay you're with your family on this wonderful trip. I am amazed at your strength and stamina. You go girl! Thanks for sharing the feast pic. Now I am hungry for seafood lol. Please be safe and hug Emma for me. That special young lady deserves a great time. You're a wonderful mom, wife and person. Enjoy every second of Your time away. Prayers for you and yours. Hugs ~M~
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keetmom, looks like a wonderful time!! I grew up at the beach and miss it dearly, now I wanna find some sand to stick my feet in too. Enjoy!
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I want to go to the beach!! lol I love your emojis Mae! My friend came home from hospital today! I am happy about that. Today is a little achey. But the marathon continues. ~M~
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Yay, glad to hear your friend is home. I want the beach too, surgery and rads have made it impossible this summer. It's a bummer summer
oh, well, when rads are done I'm gonna swim until I can't stand it.0 -
My most favorite place is in Virginia. It's called Chinchoteague and it has a four wheel drive beach. We used to go and spend hours alone with the kids on the beach. There was no one around for miles and we had our own space to spread out, play games, search for whole conk shells. Endless blue skies. Separate reality from anyone around. I loved it and have had some of the most beautiful memories with my DH and kids there. It breaks my heart. I remember one day I was visiting my father in the hospital after a heart episode. We are estranged and have been for years. I went because it was serious. He looked up at me in the most fragile state I had ever seen him and he said "life is fleeting". I had no idea how right he would be. Several years later. I am in the fight of my life. I just want to find who I used to be again. I honestly never thought I would die like this. As we all do we pray to go in our sleep next to our love. I do notwant to have this happen anymore. Don't you ever get weak Mae? You always seem so strong and so upbeat. I want to be like that. ~M~
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Micmel, if you ask my DH if I ever get weak he'd say "hell no! She's a badass!" The truth is not yet. I'm only about 9 months into this diagnosis and still working on completing my first line of treatment and I never had any pain, I still feel good and normal. I do understand the reality of my situation though and know pain/progression could happen at any time. Until then, I will push on, be the good patient and do my best to enjoy things like I always have. Fingers crossed I can be stable or at least get back up when I'm knocked down, I would like to see my 50th birthday.
I've always felt like a lucky person and somehow I still do
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Mae~ I think that is pretty amazing. I think you're a pleasure to be around and I am so glad you found this thread. I hope that you're always doing this well. I don't have a lot of pain. In my mets. But at the end of the cycle of ibrance I get tumor flare. Crabbie pains that ache. But then again it could be anastrazole , which Is also known to cause back pain. So who the heck knows. I have wicked heat flashes. That blows also. I pray we all stay progression free. For many many years. Hugs ~M~
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Thanks Micmel, we just gotta try and do the best we can
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Mae~It seems like you're a glass half full kind of person. Which is a lovely trait to have. Your hubby is a very lucky man. I think you have one of the good ones. My DH is also a gem. How long have you been together. ? If you don't mind my asking. I love your sense of humor. I hope its contagious!! Have a great evening and sleep well!
Claudia ~ 💕Hope all is well.
Keetmom~ hope your beach day was awesome. From the looks of it, it was! Be safe!
Nan~ miss you. Hugs
~M~
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We've been married 17 years this Christmas Eve and together for 19. He is a keeper, poor guy has a history of sympathy pains and has experienced some of my chemo SE's. We are very much in this together.
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Mae~ seventeen years is something else. Congrats on that. I have been with my DH 14. I can't imagine a day without his sweet loving self. I know what you mean when you say we are in it together. He tells me that everyday. I am happy that you have such a great love. That is what this threa is all about. Love for your family. Love for your friends. But most of all love for Your other half, the one that makes your heart skip that beat. The one you would work Miracles for , which is what I am hoping we all receive out of all this treatment and pain and. Mental anguish we all feel from time to time. You're a good woman. So happy You have found your one ! Hugs Mae. ~M~ The thread also has love for friendships and support everyday. Which I have needed quite a lot lately. Have a good week my friend !
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Hi everyone! I have been off for awhile. I had the perfect storm happen a week ago Sunday, after I cleaned my house. My back, which had non cancer issues, flared up big-time. My knee also which again not cancer related. But all those pains caused my left hip to flare up. I was also dealing with extreme constipation, followed by extreme diarrhea. Then with it being my week of Ibrance, I got chills and headaches and weakness x 2 this cycle. So with all that going on, I was a mess. I am finally feeling better today! I am going to Ortho Dr for my knee finally. This has been going on for over 4 months.
With a'll k that going on , there were good things also but so tiring dealing with it all, by evening I felt like a wasteland. I haven't even been able to read much. My eyes weren't focusing well. Enough about that.
Keetmom - Your pictures were great! I hope you enjoyed every minute!
Illimae - You are where I was 12 years ago. How is radiation going? You will start feeling some fatigue from that. Be kind to yourself. You're such a hoot and your Dh sounds great! 50 is a good goal. I never thought 5years ago, that I would see 60. I Just need to make it 3 more days and I will have made it.
Micmel - I didn't mean to leave you hanging. I read up and have been praying for all of us. I have been praying fiercely for Dianarose!
Nan - Thinking about you too and hope you are feeling good!
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bigbhome, today will be my 3rd or 30 rads, fine do far but I know that changes at it goes on. I was active during chemo and plan the same approach with rads, if possible.
Sorry about all the pain/injuries lately, hopefully it all improves soon.
FYI, I started celebrating 1/2 birthdays (before ), next Friday and Saturday are my 42 1/2
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Claudia~so very happy to see your name here. I was getting worried but knew you said you would keep us updated. I am so glad you have emerged from your collage of issues. You poor dear. Sounds like you have also been through the ringer, sounds like the month for it unfortunately! I am just glad your ok and someone is going to have a Birthday🎉🎂💕🎁🎊 (sorry can't compete with our Mae! And her emojis lol loving them!) 60 freaking years old god bless you my friend. I pray I'll see sixty. Not quite sure though. I am only (nods to Mae again) 47 and -1/2! Long time to get there for me. I hope we can make it that long. I pray so hard it hurts! Keep us posted about your knee. I know I had some flare ups myself this weekend. Now nothing! This disease is like cloak and dagger! Ugh!
Hi Mae! Hope you're having a good day!
Keetmom~ still wishing I was where you are !!!
Nan~ love and miss you!
Hugs to all ~M~
Luckily Dianarose came home yesterday. They are still trying to keep it at bay and hit it with more AC! Thank is for the support. You ladies are fabulous!0 -
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She did it !!!!!! Yay Claudia! I thought you said you weren't technically savvy. I beg to differ. Lol yay! You sound like you're in better spirits. I have missed you!! Hugs darling ! ~M~
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Good morning , I hope everyone had a nice sleep, I did I think, just wake up a lot to go to the bathroom, I am continually drinking water because of my self combustion issues. Then I am up twice or three times a night going to the bathroom. Who knows what time I actually fall asleep because my mind decides it needs to think more about my cancer. I tell you all that is the only thing that I tend to know that come rain or shine, will always be that gnat flying around my face. But this gnat has decided to stick around for the rest of My life. There isn't no swatting This gnat away! Life is already hard, throw a cancer diagnosis in the mix, and wham, you understand that, before cancer, now that you realize, things could Be handled. Now it compounds every little problem. I have no tolerance for things going wrong anymore. I just don't have the energy to deal with things that In the grand scheme of things pale in comparison to what we battle daily. Love you guys ! ~M~
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I think this says it all regarding hot flashes...
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Good morning Claudia~hope you're feeling better and having a good week. My DH will be up tomorrow, so I am really looking forward to that. He brightens my life. It's a rainy day here so I am napping. Sometimes sleep is the only place i have peace and don't find myself filled with anxiety or worry. Hugs to you friend! ~M~
Nan~😞 Miss you
Keetmom~ hope your vacation is awesome !
Mae~ hope radiation is moving along safely. And you're doing well!
~M~
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Greetings from the beach...having a wonderful time...did some shopping today..I bought a Coach Purse at the Outlet..it was on clearance so 50% off plus another 40% off....we spend enough time at beach don't need more trinkets...they Have a Tanger Outlet, it is really HOT not logging much beach time because avoiding the sun because of my Taxol, last night DH went on a fishing charter, I caught a HUGE flounder, DH is making it for dinner (nice part of staying in a condo...) now I am just cooling off in the AC...playing some on lap top..here yet tomorrow and then spending a day in Charleston, then home..probably Saturday.
they Have a Tanger Outlet, it is really HOT not logging much beach time because avoiding the sun because of my Taxol, last night DH went on a fishing charter, I caught a HUGE flounder, DH is making it for dinner (nice part of staying in a condo...) now I am just cooling off in the AC...playing some on lap top
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Keetmom~ is there anything you can't do? Look at you catching that flounder!!! Way to go. I am speechless! All I want to do is sleep and you're fishing !!!! On a very big boat!! You make it look so easy. And you look so pretty!! You and DH are adorable. Thank you so much for sharing that awesome time with us !!!! I can't imagine doing all the things you're doing. I think you're wonderful. You and you're darling family deserve these memories. So happy to see you smile like that! Big hugs for you Aimee!! Yay you! ~M~ P.s.i want a coach purse!!! lol awesome. I have to say that pic of you and your hubby is precious. Honestly. That is what this thread is all about. I love it. Thank you for sharing that with us. Love you guys !
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Very cool keetmom! I plan on fishing in the Gulf with DH and bestie in October. So much fun
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It happened quick..really am not a big fisher person.. it was lots of fun...boat wasn't really that big....it was hard to balance...I'm tired tonight..but honestly I feel SO much better when I am active...
So this went to a friend of mine because we joke about how DH gives me a hard time about my purse problem..of course he took the picture
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Oh Keetmom, that looks like you had a great time! I'm so glad you are enjoying your family! Thanks for sharing your pictures! I envy your fish catching ability, I have never been able to catch a fish. Caught a duck when I was young. Very traumatic experience! The duck lived! Enjoy your last few days!
Illimae - October is a great month to be in Florida, not too hot, not too cold! One of my favorite times to ride!
We are taking the horses camping in Tennessee in the middle of October this year! Can't wait! We want to enjoy the fall colors on horseback. I have to get my butt in gear and stay legging them up.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Keetmom~ lol at your purse problem. Lol we all have our vices. I think you look adorable. How can someone look so good in a scarf?. But you honestly do. You have natural beauty. I think you're amazing. I would have loved to traipse through the store with you. I am also no fisher man. My DH is however, but then again he can do anything and everything. He's my amazing rock. I can't tell you how much seeing all your pictures makes me want to go on a trip with my DH. I have Set a goal to go somewhere with him in late fall. Just him and i. Even if I have to rest a lot more than I would want to. I need that time with him. I love your purse. Sounds like an outlet I need to go too. Please be safe as you travel home. I can't believe we are already seeing back to school commercials and the summer is already ending. Amazing how time really does fly by. Hugs to all ~M~
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M- try to get away...it is mentally healing...our family does stuff at our own pase...my middle Dd is also special needs, so we do things our own. Way, take breaks as needed...maybe don't do some of the exciting things people with "normal" kids our kids age do...we seize the moment and do what we can..and make memories as we can...
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keetmom~we talked about it tonight, we are planning a small trip together in the middle of October. We are going to rent a cabin and just relax together alone. I love to read and sit on a porch with a blanket and a book. If he wants to golf , that is fine. I will be in nature and my book and reading. Then we will build a fire and spend some good time together. I love the changing of the leaves and the smell of the crisp fall air. I can't tolerate the heat like i used to since the heavy chemo. Taxol is considered aggressive chemo!!You're amazing. Thanks for the inspiration!!! I love that you don't let anything keep you from doing things on your own speed. I am always so exhausted. This ibrance gives out some major fatigue. But I am going to do it !!!! Yes I am. Have fun for the rest of your trip, and I love your pics! Be safe traveling home and keep the pics coming ! Hugs and prayers to your special family! ~M~
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M- Im gonna be honest with you, I feel better on IV chemo then I did Ibrance, Xeloda or Affinitor...maybe a day here or there where not feeling great but I am doing every 3 weeks so I have plenty of time in between to enjoy life
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Keetmom~I have heard that ibrance does that, I feel tired all the time and I am finding out that each month brings a new layer of exhaustion, I am getting ready to start my tenth month of taking it. I can't even begin to really complain because, it seems to be working. My tumor markers were normal last month and am praying for that to continue. I am So thrilled that you are able to do what you want to do. That is so imperative for our mental stability! I always think ugh. Maybe next month it won't be so bad. I am thinking it's starting to be accumulating in my system and never lets up an inch. The only week I notice any difference is my week off, but half way into that week off I have to have my XGeva shot, whic opens up Another set of whoopass on me as far as side effects. Talk about being tired. Ugh! I sleep all day and feel aches and pains the next Few days after. By the time I am done with that, it's time to begin again the new months cycle. I just pray it keeps working for me. People ask me sometimes what I do for work. These days I say I have career in cancer, somehow they never bring up that topic again. Grrrr some people so annoy me. Have a great rest of your trip. So glad you're feeling well! Hugs friend ~M~
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Hope everyone is doing good today. DH is coming today which I am thrilled. I am hoping Nan's shower went well and that she is making many memories. I am holding her seat for her. Wishing everyone a pretty good day. I am feeling pretty good today so I am thankful!! Hugs to all and much Love! ~M~
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Claudia~ you doing ok my friend ? Are are you having a heat flash??? I am thinking of you guys ! Lol at you figuring out the emojis lol you're persistent , I hope everything is ok. I'll be waiting to hear from you !! Hugs all ~M~
Hi Mae~ Hoping radiation is going ok and you're still not feeling any pain. Hugs my friend.
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Keetmom ~ hoping the rest of your vacation is as happy as those sweet pictures you've posted! I am going away. , I think I can I think I can!!! Hugs ~M~
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Good morning everyone. Hope all is well. Mae ~ how are you feeling ?? Today is lovely outside. DH is going for a bike ride. I am taking a short nap. Always so sleepy anymore. Thanks to lady ibrance. Hope all is going good for everyone. Big hugs ladies!! ~M~
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Micmel, I'm doing good, rads #6 just moments away. Today is one of those days when I feel great and wonder how I can feel this good with cancer but I doubt ALL those tests were wrong. Anyway, I hope it lasts many years.
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Mae~I am sitting here smiling. I am pleased that you're having such a good day. I myeldalso have days like that, but then I have a heat flash and I am Reminded that the side effects sucks. For me somdays it can run in blocks, I wake up feeling good and then wham. I am not as good and need a nap. I am happy number 6 is beyond you! Way to go!! I hope you continue on this path of feeling so great for many years as well my friend ! Hugs ~M~
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Good Friday morning! DH cooked me some yummy edible brownies and they do relax me wonderfully! I recommend trying them to anyone who has some nauseous issues. I had a lovely night hanging with my DH watching television and just chilling. It's a cloudy one. DH wants to take a ride. I find myself not even wanting to go outside sometimes. If I hide in my house then maybe this really hasn't happened To me And my family. Screw youcancer. Any other time I would be going someplace this weekend. Hiking and driving all Day trips and weekend jaunts. Now the only jaunt I feel like is getting my nap in. Have a good Friday ladies. Hugs ~M~
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Happy weekend. Spending time with my DH. Hope everyone is ok. Claudia? Keetmom? Back yet? Mae~ hope are rads are going ok for you! Do you get. Breaks on weekends. Miss and love Nan!
Hugs guys. Anything good you did this weekend ? Hugs and prayers! ~M~
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I don't know what is with me today. I am very sad today. I get into these tail spins that I can't get out of. I hate this disease. Every single show I watch has to have a couple in it. Has to involve sex. I hate myself and how I look now so why on earth would I want to remind myself of that?!? I am a shell, broken and left behind on the beach from a strong wave leaving me behind,alone. I don't know how long I have. I just am lost even inside my life and even when I am laying In his arms. All I can think about it that there is an almost certainty that someone else will be there at some point soon. I die inside over and over again with this thought. It's like why wait? Why am being tortured this way loosing slowly and still being so mentally being sharp to know what's going on? Why would I want to remain feeling like a place holder for something else that will be taking my place when I am gone. Who can really feel loved and safe when you're going to be replaced.? Only at some point to be forgotten? . Someone else gets to live in my Place, I get to die. What a great life this turned out to be. Why on earth would I want to continue to suffer when I already know the ending. To me It just seems cruel.its mental torture for anyone to have to go through. I am so broken inside of my body and my heart so basically I am left with nothing. Just nothing. If I really think about it. I am so lost and feel so alone. Even in a room filled with people. Those people aren't sick. In five years their All Still Going to be Sitting in the same place talking. But I'll be gone. How is any of that fair ? My home, I worked hard for. My family. I raised since birth. My DH I searched a life time. Gone in one lump. One day. One second. One lifetime. For what? It's just unspeakable really. Hope everyone else is doing better. ~M~
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We got home at 3 am...drove all 20 hours in on day, nice thing is we have today to get back to reality and still have tomorrow...it was a LONG ride..but it was great to sleep in our own beds..
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Micmel,
I am so sorry you are feeling sad today. I'm not married so I can't relate exactly to your grief over imagining someone else with your husband but I do know what it feels like to be erased from my old life. I am trying to adjust to this new normal but really I want my old normal back most of the time!
Maybe I have a very optimistic oncologist but she told me last fall that I might live a good life for several years even though I was "grossly metastatic." So far she has been right for these past 11 months. You might outlive your husband-seriously! None of knows our future but since you reported that your tumor markers are down, why not hope for the best? The best way to fxxx this cancer is to live today with gusto, the best that we can, and not let cancer ruin days that could otherwise be perfectly good. I am glad you are planning a getaway with your DH in October.
I really related to an older post of yours of not wanting to go back to your old health club-but maybe until the weather breaks you can exercise indoors at home-running in place, to videos, etc until you can get back out there jogging. I wish you all the best. ((Gentle hugs)).
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Micmel, I'm sorry you're having such a down day but your not a place holder, your impact on people has nothing to do with your lifespan. DH and I have had dogs for many years, at one point we had 6, mom, dad and 4 babies, we kept and raised them all and now have only one. The first born was a boy we named fat and I adored him. He used to stare at me with the sweetest eyes, I was his whole world. He had a rare disease and had to be put to sleep a few years ago after he refused to take IV fluids and eat, he was 10 years old. Our connection wasn't dog/owner, it was soul to soul and I am still heartbroken. Ive had dogs before and after him but he was never a placeholder, he was extra special. He was and still is beloved.
As for me, I'm very well, work and radiation have kept me busy. Today I'm cleaning as my dough rises, making homemade pizza tonight.
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Chicago~ welcome and hello. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. It really is such a shitty disease to have to deal with. I appreciate your kind words and needed to read something like that , and there your post was so thank you for that. I used to go to the gym every week roughly five days a week and and hour and half work out with 6 miles running and weight training. I was a tank. I don't feel like Telling everyone what is going on, and say no I'll Never be done treatment! Then one day a lump appeared? Then my life as I knew it was in my memory only and that's where it still is. The cancer kills you and The treatments steal your youth and beauty and self esteem and every other thing that is good.i try hard to keep a good attitude but somedays it just hits me. And I hear myself saying out loud "I have cancer " it's like it's not real even after all this time. But it seems like we are fighting long but 18 mons compared to decades I could loose. Makes me so mad. That I just can't function sometimes because I am so gutted from this diagnosis! I hope you will come Around and pull up a seat here and join us! We scream cry yell share comfort each other and all genuinely care for each other. Hugs to you !
Keetmom~ you go girl. I am so envious of Your trip. How is Emma doing.? And mom? You a tired bear or what? Back to reality, loved your beach pics and thanks for taking us along With you. You were like our weekend beachside update reporter!! Lol.
Hugs and much love ~M~
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Thanks Micmel for the welcome and the hug. I used to be really fit myself but now I am too self-conscious to go to the yoga classes I loved because I can't do half of what I used to. But I practice alone at home, and day by day am making slow progress. Today I decided to risk taking a hike with a "meet-up" type of group b/c I have been getting stronger. I was able to do the 10 miles but was so far behind the rest of the group-no one waited so I was hiking the whole time by myself. So I can definitely relate to wanting my old body back but I am trying to appreciate this new body which is trying so hard to be well and healthy again.
Hope the rest of the weekend is good!
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Emma is doing good..we did have one incident of vomiting while on vacation, I am wondering about Gaul Bladder..I will call her NP next week. I'm good, just tired today...don't do well on 4 hours of sleep, so I will be in bed soon catching up on dvr...
I SO agree with Chicagoan, its tough but try to live for today, I will be honest with you if you had told me 7 years ago Emma would still be with us, and not just that thriving...I wouldn't have believed you, but she is....we have never talked what ifs with her and I am sure that has a lot to do with it, because on paper she shouldn't be doing as good as she is...but she shocks the medical professionals...0 -
Chicago ~ Its a hard pill to swallow. But how awesome is that, that you're hiking ten miles? !! I am in awe, that is quite an accomplishment! I am going to get out and try to walk a lot when the weather gets cooler outside, and the leaves start to turn. I love the crisp air. Not to mention the crazy ass heat flashes, with this heat! I am inspired by you and your ability to even go hiking at all. Honestly wow! Before summer I was jogging roughy 11 to 13 miles a week. But then the heat came and not so much. What is it that you do to be able To hike like that. ??
Keetmom~I am happy that Emma is doing well. That's so important, I am so glad your family took that vacation together! I am also looking forward to going away in October. I just hope I continue to feel good, I realize my issue is more emotional and centered around my husband. Thank you for the advice, god knows you and your family have so very much to deal with. I realize I am still feeling grief over the entire last year. Basically it's been a fog. You mentioned Emma got sick? Is she feeling better now? I hope!!!?
Much love all ~M~
Claudia 💜
Nan💕
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Mae ~your post snuck in there. I see the doggies !!! I always wanted one!!😌😌💜of the bulldogs!! THey are precious little guys. I wish I had enough property to have a rescue facility and help dogs. It makes me so sad to loose them. They do feel like family. I know I can't be replaced per say. But I just don't want to share my most special closest person in my life. They say that one is cliche. But For me. It is honestly truthful. I believe it is for you and your DH too! Great on the radiation! Number 7!? This Monday? 💐 ~M
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I think when I was diagnosed, if I think back to that horrible time when the humming was still in the back round and I saw the doctors lips moving. If I search back I remember little tid bits of warnings for things that could happen as a result of the actual Treatments. Lymphedema, other primary cancers , nerve damage, bone breakage due to lack of hormones. Which we can't avoid. We have to take the Medicine. If we don't the doctors look at us like we are nuts. If the cancer can't be cured then why bother. It's only prolonging the suffering of so many, that even think they have beaten the evil "C" when I only believe it's dormant someplace else laying in wait. They really never explained very much to me. Even the port, that I realize I'll never be with out. Another parting Gift that I didn't ask for but received. Only until I had a problem (lymphedema) were they like oh yeah we mentioned this originally. Oh right you mean that Nano second of a mention during the worst time of my life??. Who would Have thought to make the actual patient or care givers really understand what to look for? They just don't take enough time to explain the possibilities and educate us on what is happening to our bodies. Not theirs. Our bodies. We are like cattle in and out. Next time you are at your oncs office. Look around. There are so many people dealing with cancer. What is causing it???Environmental? The food we eat? Are they injecting the animals we eat with un natural hormones? Something is happening. For sooo many people all over the world are having this happen to them. Otherwise healthy people ?!! It doesn't make sense !! Grrrr so annoying ! Have the best Sunday possible. ~M~
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I hope everyone had a good weekend! This is my week off of ibrance. Wednesday I get my XGeva shot and blood work. I hate walking into the cancer center after not being there since last month. The smells just get me. I usually do pretty good on my week off! But theshot makes me so tired for a few days after. I will take the week off and feeling good. Hope everyone is ok today! Hugs ~M~
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...... I very much agree with this wholeHeartedly ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ~M~
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.....for anyone dealing with this. I know what it's like. I'll be heading there tomorrow for blood work and my Monthly shot of XGeva. I hope everyone knows the support here is real. Love you all hope everyone is ok. Starting to worry !!!
I think someone should hand you a manual on how to go through cancer without not Wanting to strangle someone or feeling like taking a long jump off of a short pier!
Mae ~ hope your radiation is going well. Hug the doggie for me please. ~M~
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On my way soon to bloodwork and my XGeva shot. Yuck another constant reminder of what I have inside me. I sleep and try to eat. Sometimes cry, sometimes I don't know where I went wrong or what road I went down to end up in Cancerville. There were no directions. No signs,nothing except a small bump. Then it was a pothole. Now I can't get back to my home Base of sanity and feeling normal. I used to love to drive to the gym. Thinking how happy I was and how much I was settling into my age and my life finally was what I wanted it to be. I am still in such shock when I see pictures of who I used To be. It makes me so mad. I have no emotional strength at all. Talking to myself about wills and arrangements. Even though they haven't said anything like that. Other then the all too willing stats they present you with and end "with its treatable". But don't tell You the treatment knocks you into oblivion on some days. They don't tell you that The AI's suck the stability from your bones and joints and all you can do is sit by and watch and wait and worry. The three W's. You can tell Me how precious life is and I agree it is. But when you're handed this type of diagnosis, can we even apply that to our lives anymore? Maybe someone else's life is precious, but now a days mine are spent alone, stuck, having a perfectly good mind? But a waining body that struggles to keep up with the slightest activity. Equipped with the knowledge that I have cancer. The knowledge that today won't be the last blood draw or XGeva shot. That I have to keep going Back to that place that it all Started over a year and half ago. My worst fear. Anyone's worst fear. Has happened. There is nothing I can do about it. Nothing.
Claudia and Nan~worriedabout you guys. Hope all is ok and I love you guys
Keetmom~hope you're recovered from your awesome trip. I am so envious of your energy and stamina! You're a wonderful Mother and person. Love you too.
Mae~ I am guessing round 8 or 9 by now. Of radiation You're our room trooper! Show us how it's done!!!! Give us some of your ssuper strength!! Do you ever feel down or weak? Ive never seen a hint of that from you. It makes me jealous lol that I am so pathetic.
Chicago~hope all is well with you as well. I can't believe the summer is already basically over that kinda sucks. But I love fall. Maybe because I sweat for a living now. Hugs to everyone. ~M~
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Good morning ladies!
Today is rads #9 and I do feel better than I rightfully should. I appreciate my normalcy but it also confuses me (why don't I hurt, could docs be wrong, etc) and I hate to see so many others in pain. I attribute my upbeat attitude to having low expectations generally and remembering that things could always be worse.
Have a good day all
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Good luck today Micmel with your Xgeva shot. I had mine on Monday-there was a new tech who was really great-it was painfree and she talked to me like I'm a normal person which I always like! Hope your experience is good today too.
Illimae-hope your rad treatment is short and sweet and does its work.
I'm feeling good today. I started swimming again in August at the park district pool. First time I warned the life guard-I just said I hadn't swam in a long time. I did have to stop in the middle of each lap-they are 50 yards long but I felt good and free. Yesterday was my fifth time and I made it through every lap without stopping so it gave me a lift. After all my spinal mets it feels good to swim-like things are getting put back to the right place.
Hope that everyone has a good day with some nice surprises and blessings!
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Mae~ I always enjoy your positivity and I am hoping it's contagious. lol I need some of that. I always hear people say attitude is everything and I agree when I look atyou and your attitude and uplifting tones all the time. I think It is wonderful that you feel so great !! Mine I know is more mental, Because I have very little pain. I just miss the way I used to be, but we all know we as human beings aren't really good at change. I know I am not. Especially one this harsh. I hope #9 goes smoothly and you continue down this road of good feeling!! Hugs!! To you !!
Chicago~ good afternoon! I used to love to swim. When I was in middle school and high school,I was in the water show and was in the pool for hours at a time. It is very full body activity, if I had a pool, I would be in it daily! Shot is over and done with. Didn't hurt at all, just hate the port access smells. So I learned just not to breathe until they were finished!i also had a good nurse as well. She did a Good job and it was fine! Just hope my meds prep was adequate enough to prevent joint and body aches! I hope you all have a great day. Much love. ~M~
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Micmel-Glad your shot went well! Fingers crossed for no joint or body aches. Hope you have a good afternoon.((Hugs))
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Chicagoan, congrats on the swimming! I love love love the water, can't wait to get back in after rads.
Micmel, the port access smells don't bother me but the taste of the saline does, I have a bag of sugar free candy with me and pop one as they unpack their kit.
Things are changing and happening fast today. I picked up DH who is in town for work today and had planned to go to Austin Friday for a retirement party but Tropical Depression Harvey won't have it! I'm already getting work related texts and the Austin trip is cancelled. I work on contracts in the transportation industry, so flooded roadways are a big deal for me, when the emergency operations center is activated, I am on high alert but waiting. I prefer to be in low stress mode but can't sit back and watch others struggle to do the things I know so well. Ugh, gonna be a busy week/weekend.
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Its a beautiful day here in WI...it is in high 60s with no humidity. Back for Taxol tomorrow and my Xgeva shot..thinking we will scan in 3 weeks..feeling pretty good though, started back in my stay strong class today...
Stay safe Mae..
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Keetmom~so nice to see you. Glad You're recovered from your trip. I so much want to start my running again butthe weather is a bit too hot for my liking. Good luck at your class. Way to go !
Chicago~ hope your day is pain free. And in the pool!
Mae~ great idea for the mint snacks. I think I'll try that next month!! Thanks. I can't believe the Summer is over. How many rads are you having? Sorry if I asked that before !?
Claudia~ really hope you're ok. Miss you and Nan lots !! ~M~
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Hi all, I feel like I have been gone forever! We have so much going on with our yard upgrades, especially since the original plan had to be completely scrapped. Honestly, the stress had been horrible, 4 migraines in a week last week, 2 of them the worst I have had in decades. But today, feeling better and the projects are taking shape. I think we might make our end of year deadline.
Mae, you stay safe. ok. So glad rads are going well. You may be like I was...I went for weeks feeling great, then one day I woke up and felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck. I got to do that day and they all said finally, we have been waiting for the fatigue to hit. I would puncture the tires on that Mack truck for you if I could!
Keetmom, so glad your vacation was good and so incredibly jealous of your beautiful weather!
Chicagoan, I was so happy to see swimming brings you the same feeling of freedom I have. It seems like nothing hurts in the water and we could swim forever, with little breaks, of course! It's so great you found that pool! Now that we have ours, I always want to invite everyone over to enjoy it with me!
Micmel, have you thought about getting out more? I know its taxing, but what about a yoga class. Restorative yoga is easy on the body and you will feel like a new person afterwards. Also, what about having friends over for lunch, or going out to lunch? Do you belong to a church? Could you maybe do something there? What about a book club, I know you like to read? Do you have a community pool in your area, or a YMCA? Swimming and water aerobics are awesome! Before we built our pool, we had the rubber ones from big lots, we would get a new on every year and I would get in and do water aerobics and float. I loved it! Wal-Mart has them marked way down now. A thought. Can you go with Dh when he is out of town? Im just offering suggestions because honestly, it sounds like you are alone too much and that making it harder for you! Please know im not criticizing or making light of your feelings. I had this same problem awhile ago when Dh was traveling all the time. It got pretty bad until I started forcing myself to get out of three house and find things to do. I hope your xegeva shot is not bad today, I can honestly say that I don't miss those.
Did you see deadliest catch last night? Omg, I cried! Do you think Jake will make it back next year? Or Sig? So beautiful, what they did for Jonathan!
Hugs and prayers everyone,
Claudia
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Claudia~yay! To see you here. I am thrilled to know you're doing ok. I agree I need to go out more. I have beensetting a goal to do something each day, wether it's just a drive alone. It does help me get my mind off of things. I agree with everything you said. My mind does seem to play tricks on me sometimes. Thank you for the advice and kind words.
Keetmom~hug Emma for me please and can't wait to hear how your class went'. I may try something of a yoga nature. I'm clumsy though lol don't know how that would go over.
Chicago~ you're a lovely addition to our family and hope you'll share anything you may need to let out. Family zone here!
Mae~ I am going to think of you tackling #10 and I am hoping Against hope you do not experience any fatigue from the radiation. If any one can do it. You can!
Let's say a prayer for our fellow MBC sister Lita. She has had some major progression and she's scared and suffering in shock. I hate this disease. So much I can't explain.
Sleep well and many prayers and gentle big hugs. ~M~
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.....just little humor to start out our day. Love you guys! It is seriously like that though for women, so I thought I'd share the laughter! Hugs to all! Thinking of you Lita💐
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So true!😅
Claudia
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Thanks for the great laugh to start my day-I practically spit out my water! Wishing a wonderful day to all.
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Lol you guys are great, I am so happy to have all of you here. It helps to know someone laughed and smiled like I did when I saw that. Hugs guys!! ~M~
Hope everyone has a great day. Strong day. Have a Love filled day.
Nan~ I miss you.
Claudia~ i did see deadliest catch. Of Course I cried at the end when they did they flares for him. I want Jake Harris to come back. I miss him and that history of the ship with his dad Phil. Who I adored from the show. It's such a. Good show. Like you said with out the sex, like the soaps. !! Much love to all. ~M~
Keetmom~ hope all is good with your class!
Mae~ waving hi to you!!
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Class was good yesterday, I have crappy balance and they work on that....it is at the YMCA and free....and you get a free membership.
I had an appointment for more Taxol today...oncologist said my liver numbers were perfect everything was with in normal..which is the first time in a long time...scan in 3 weeks but he was confident that the scan will show stable or better...so that makes being bald worth it! Now I am gonna relax for a while...we had a new patio poured this week...cant wait until we can use it...will add pictures when I can get in back yard
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Chicago ~ I was looking at your diagnosis and I'm wondering if you meant 2016 diagnosis vs 2017 because September of 2017 hasn't happened yet. I hate those roll down selection drop downs! I was thinking we were diagnosed around the same time! Am I seeing things ? Hugs ~M~
Keetmom~ I have no balance whatsoever ever either. I am proud you're going. I might do something like that when the weather isn't too hot!! Please show the patio. I love seeing where you all live. Shame we all can't all sitdown together for real. It would be so special. Like old friends.
Hugs everyone. ~M~
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It is 16x24....we need to build a step so Emma can get out easily...we originally talked doing a deck but they came back at $17,000 for same size deck...this was less then 1/3 of that...
So I will share a story with you, In 2015 we started looking for 1 story houses because our old house had lots of steps, was 100 years old, DH had to help Em up and down stairs she was a prisoner in her own home and then around this time we found out my cancer was back and in my bones, I had a compression fracture in L2 and was told no more carrying laundry baskets up all the stairs, 3 weeks later we found out Emma had MAJOR progression and needed to start chemo, she was started on a clinical trial and given a drug that the get 25 mg, and she was getting 175, it knocked her out and made it even harder for her to get around.
My family stepped up and started a fundraiser for our family,by early Feb we were able to buy and move into this house, it has a first floor laundry, bedrooms on first floor, it has a finished basement so oldest has room to go when she is home, it is PERFECT and more then we could have ever asked for, it taught us how wonderful people are, it was really hard to put our selves out there that much but we will be forever grateful that we did it...(I am in WI so I know you wouldn't be able to buy a house in many areas of the country for what we got this house for)
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Micmel-Thanks for pointing out I had the wrong year! I fixed it now. I was diagnosed last September, so it's been a little over 11 months now. I pretty much knew I had cancer but didn't realize it had spread so much until I got really sick. I just didn't want to be a "cancer patient" and was trying a lot of alternative stuff. So for me, getting into treatment has been good-I feel so much better than I did a year ago.
Keetmom-What a great looking patio! Should be the place for lots of fun and relaxation.
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Chicago~ looks like the treatments are also the same way. 2017. I can never get my treatments to show either and they seem to repeat a lot of what we already selected. Anyhoo. What a pain cancer is period! The day I was diagnosed I had ran 6 miles in an hour. I was like the wind. I did have some on and off back pain. I just thought I was because I was back benching 130 pounds. I was weight lifting? I still Can't believe this has even happened. I worry now if I even tried I might snap in half! How did you know you had cancer if you don't mind sharing ?
Keetmom~ ❤️Love love ❤️ that story. There should be more stories like that. You have a wonderfully amazing family and you so deserve to have that home for your family. Emma deserves to be comfortable in her home. I teared up when I read how people'sGenerosity made that happen. There truly is good in many people. I believe a lot are here! 😊 I love sitting outside in the fresh air. I think the patio was a nice choice. Decks are hot hot and the wood even breaks down a lot faster than concrete would. Congrats on your patio! Love it!
Hugs to all ~M~
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Micmel-I had a lump for at least 9 years and tried alternative treatments throughout that time. I had always been so healthy so I thought my immune system plus the alternatives might cure the cancer. I had a cousin who died in her early forties from cervical cancer. It seemed that the treatments weakened her so much and I thought she might have lived longer with less discomfort if she did nothing. That's partly why I so resisted becoming a cancer patient. For most of the 9 years I was strong, energetic and healthy. In early 2016 I noticed shortness of breath when I ran up stairs with a backpack in cold weather so I didn't think too much of it. Then as the year went on my shortness of breath got worse, I was coughing all the time, getting weaker and having trouble eating. I was still working but it got to the point where I could barely turn myself over in bed at night. Friends and family noticed so I finally saw a doctor. I am grateful to be alive, given that I let things go for so long. I honestly don't regret my choices. My doctor tells me there are lots of things to try if the Ibrance fails so I feel optimistic that I may have many more good years. I'm hoping to see the next eclipse-in totality next time! Thanks for asking.
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That is quite a story. I have to say! I can't imagine having that in my body for that long time period, you must have had one of the best immune systems around! I just wish there was never anything such as cancer. It's quite scary. I have had some of the heavy chemo already and it's a doosey. I know some tolerate it better than others, but I hated it. I just pray we stay stable on our current treatments until remission is told to us. What kind of alternative Meds's where you trying. I'm curious because someone I know that my DH works withs wife is also trying that as well, unfortunately I don't think it's working too well for her which is sad. So scary all these young women dying too early. I myself am only 47. Scares me to think that my time may already be running out. So lame. Thank you for sharing. Sleep well.
Mae~ hope number ten went well and that you're doing fine today! Hugs you strong woman you! I'm surrounded by amazing women here. I feel honored. God bless you all. ~M~
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#10 done, potential flying projectiles in the yard secured, now I am cautiously optimistic that Hurricane Harvey will be less of a beast than we fear. Tomorrow rads bumped up, so employees can go home early, I don't blame them, I'll be semi on-call this weekend
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Mae~ thank goodness you're doing ok with Rads and that you're safe with that crazy storm. I know with your job you must have been awake late late Into the night, another amazing fact about you.. you still work.
Good morning Claudia beautiful!!! Hope everyone has a good day. I am off to see my
oncologist today. Hope everyone has a pain free good day. Much love everyone ~M~0 -
Mae - I just heard the new forecast re:Harvey, please stay safe and know that we are thinking of you and praying for the whole Gulf Coast in Texas. We have a family member in Katy and our dils best friend is in Houston. So we are watching. I'm sure that like people in Florida, you are prepared. Gas, batteries, food, water, radio, generator, cash, an evac plan, notification plan, bulldog plan and can I repeat, water. Sorry, old habits die hard. I am always shocked at the number of people who are not prepared. We were so prepared for Matthew , other than no power and lots of limbs down, we barely noticed. But we were ready for worse. Please take care and try to check in now and again.
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sorry but lmao at bull dog plan!! Too funny. I went to onc today. He said no more monthly XGeva, or monthly blood work. Moved out to three months!! He said I am doing great. Scan though in November, which would be 6 months out from last scan, so poo poo on that. But my tumor markers were 18!!!! Normal he also said I have minimal disease in my bones and that he is more than pleased at how I am doing so I don't need to go back to the cancer center for three months. I feel I am dreaming. I am so thankful there are no words. I pray we all all hear those words. Remission or cure sometime soon. Thank you all for always holding me up when I fall into my worm hole. I was sad though because my favorite onc nurse assistant was leaving, today was her last day! I cried my eyes out. This woman is wonderful and she has helped me so many times when I was down and when i needed some pep talking. She was there. I adore her. I was so sad. I'm going to miss her so much. She had breast cancer at age 18 and went to her prom bald. She knows what it's like. I feel like today has been the best day I've had in a very long time. ❤️Love you guys
Be safe Mae!! Hugs. Please lets us know you're safe. I hope you keep your power.
Claudia. That was really cute about the bulldogs lol
Keetmom~ enjoying your patio??? Beautiful!!
Chicago~ you have shown me that people can live a long time even without the commercialized Treatments'. Now that you're in treatment. May you get decades more my friend.
Nan~ 😰😰😞love you Miss you. Lots. Keep waiting to see your beautiful face here!
God bless you wonderful ladies. ~M~
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Micmel-What great news! Here's to life!
Mae-Here's hoping the storm won't be too bad for you Texans. You all are in our thoughts and prayers.
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I'm ready and have everything but the generator, fortunately, my neighborhood's power is underground and we were only out for 8 hours during Hurricane Ike, which was a direct hit. I don't expect too much wind from Harvey, just rain. Oh and I absolutely have a bulldog plan, lol. He has his own go bag with a week supply of food, meds and a jacket, if he gets cold. I have everything I need to, old habits from growing up in California and having a disaster box for earthquakes. I'll check in periodically, thanks for asking
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good morning everyone.
Mae~ was thinking about you all and hoping you're doing ok. And safe. I was watching the headlines in the news and it looks like a hell of a storm. So scary. I just hope your home and your family are doing ok. You're all in my prayers as always. Love to you all !! Hugs ~M~
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Good morning, everything is ok here. I slept well enough, woke briefly to thunder and lightning but that's a normal Texas summer, Hurricane or not.
I did just see an interesting email from my mother, who actually said "I'm am worried about you this weekend. Cancer is just a minor thing compared to Mother Nature."
Maybe I'll try some of that denial in my coffee, it must be delicous
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Mae~Hi so glad to see you here and posting. Was praying all was safe with you and your family! That is an interesting email honey! I think things can be rebuilt, but our bodies can't! Ugh! My mom is the same way!! The river denial! Hugs and safety sweet Mae!! Please keep us posted, so that we may make sure you're ok! 💙You ~M~
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Keetmom~I just went back and saw your good news! Yes being bald is worth it !! Congrats on your great news. Seems like we have some strong women here! I am so pleased you're on a good treatment and I am praying we all are going to find exactly what works for us! How is Emma and everyone not else in the family ? Hugs ~M~
Claudia~ where are you darling ? Hope all is well. Hugs sweety ~M~
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hi sisters.....i know its been a lil while since i checked in last but i've been so tired i really cant see straight....my hemoglobin has been so low that at my last 4 chemo tx they gave me double doses of procrit (med to boost blood) and i've had 3 blood transfusions in the last 3 weeks...honestly, i still feel so tired i'm kinda worried they may discontinue some of my tx....i do iv havalen and a daily parp inhibitor called lymparza....my last set of scans didnt look to bad so these meds must be doing some good which is probably why i'm getting the blood instead of stopping tx...i'm just not sure if they can pump it in faster than these drugs are eating it...i found a dress for my daughters wedding and i just hate how i look right now, i spent the extra money to have it altered to fit perfect but i look like uncle fester again (no hair, lashes or brows)...my family hates all the wigs that friends have let me try but they are used to seeing me this way and say bald is better than a frumpy wig...maybe i'll look for a light blue or baby pink one cuz even tho the dress fits well i still feel like i have a tiny pea head (gabba gabba hey) and a way to large body...i need some balance here....this is such a huge event, she is my only child and i just dread those horrible photos with me in them.
MIC!!!!....scans every 6 months is such awesome news!!!..i'm so very happy for you...i'm doing the dumbest happy dance ever!!!....my dogs are just looking at me real funny, lol....you are such a sweetheart for always remembering me...now that your scans are clear will you still be here to talk to?
i was putting that dr seuss quote in my notebook for my daughter and i came across one i wanted to share with all you dear souls.....
"i would like to remind you, when you are having a particularly rough day, that your track record for surviving particularly rough days is 100% percent.....and that is pretty damned good"....you all can do this.....love you, nancy
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Not using the patio because it is rainy here and suppose to rain all day tomorrow...
Nan- I too hate wigs..got lots of cute hats...
Hope you are safe Mae
Mic-Emma and gang are doing good...Our oldest came home for a bit today...filled her up with food from my Costco Pantry....
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NAN~ 😭❤️I am so happy to see you. You made my day. I was waiting to see your loveliness here and here you are ! I want to say I know exactly how you feel About clothing, I hate the way I look now. I gained so much weight with going through this Chemo. I am going to be our holiday ham. I am sure you will be the beautiful mother of the bride. I am thrilled you're going to be there. Like my DH told me today, "you have to stop Being so hard on yourself". So I can understand exactly how you are feeling. Nothing I wear looks attractive at all I am filled with water retention like a water bag.
I am not going anywhere!! I may have no measurable disease, but I am still stage four and still fighting right along side of you All, I adore you Guys. I love reading all the posts and sharing. We need each other !!! It's still in my bones very small non evasive areas notbig enough to even measure. But I just pray the medicines continue to work for me. I don't want it to spread. That is the key. I pray for you every night. For all of you!!
Claudia
Keetmom
Mae
Chicagoan
We have a wonderful nice group here. I'm not going anywhere. So wonderful to see you Nan. Hope everyone is ok and Mae is safe in the storm. Hugs and prayers. ~M~
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Micmel - OMG! I am over the moon happy for you! What absolutely wonderful news! Are you still doing your happy dance, I would be! I'm glad you thought bulldog plan was funny. I was actually being very serious. We have go bags for our dogs and a tub of packed items for our horses in case we have to bug out due to a hurricane. We have 2 evac routes, depending on which way the hurricane is going, with 2 destinations that will accommodate our horses. I take the safety of our selves and our pets seriously. Things can be replaced, but lives cannot. Enough with the serious stuff! You go girl!!😅
Nan - So happy to see you back at the table! I am very sorry to hear about your struggles though. That sounds rough. I a.m. glad your last scan was good, though. Do you like to read? There are some wonderful audio books I listen to when my eyes won't focus well enough to read. That quote is so true! I need to write that one down and put it on the frig!
I completely understand about the wedding, but I know, as sure as I'm sitting here, that your daughter will be thrilled that you are there and see your smiling face when she looks at the pictures in the future!
Keetmom - Your patio is just in time to enjoy the beautiful fall weather! I don't know what I enjoy most about fall...the cooler temps, the beautiful color changes or all of the above equally. So happy for your good results! I hope you and Emma are doing well. So glad to hear you like your classes.
Chicagoan - You are one strong woman!
Mae - Sounds like we are alike in preparedness. Being prepared takes away a lot of the stress of the storm. Sounds like you might luck out with Harvey! Take care of you!
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Claudia ~Good Morning lovely to see you here! I hope that you're having a good pain free weekend! I also hope that no otherness hurricane makes anyone have to prepare for anything so scary. I remember sandy, and I wasn't even on the coast, it felt like my house was moving. It was scary! God thing you guys are preppers!!! Hugs
Mae~ haven't seen You in a little or so far today! praying your home is safe and all pets and family also. You are in my thoughts and I'm waiting to see your name here so I know one of my sisters is ok! I'll be checking all day to see if you're ok ! Be safe sweety.
Chicago~ How are you today dear? Hope all is well with everyone in your world. It was such lovely weekend weather my DH has been dragging me out both days. He's good for me though!!! I hope your weekend was a good one!
Keetmom~ haven't seen you in a few days. Everything ok with you guys ? Emma?? Thinking of you !
Nan❤️❤️ So happy to see your lovely name! We have missed you! So happyYour scans were good also. We need all of us to be ok!!
Love you all ~M~
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I'm good. No street flooding in my neighborhood but many areas in town are flooded badly. Starting to wonder how I'm going to get to radiation tomorrow or if they'll even be open but I have a dry home, power and plenty of supplies, so no major complaints here.
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Mae~ your radiation is everyday?! That is a good concern, I can't imagine anything being open considering this awful storm. I guess you'll have to call first thing am! Also the traveling, geeze I'm sorry. Please don't take any risks though. It looks really bad in Houston. I feel so sorry for all those people. My prayers really go out to them. I am so happy you're ok and your home and area isn't too bad. The news shows awful areas. I sit there and wonder oh. She better be ok!! Thanks for checking in. How long is this supposed to last for you. ?? I saw on the news like 2 more days stalled above you?? Yikes. ! Thanks for letting us know you're ok! Our on the site reporter! Hugs ~M~
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Yes radiation is daily and the weather is forecast to be a big issue through Thursday. Now I've been asked to start working on emergency stuff, I'll check in later
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Mae~be safe if you have to go out please. I think you work at home ? I am hoping anyway. Don't want you out in this ! (I sound like a mom lol !) I am so annoyed that people left their dogs. That makes me sick. How heartless can someone be. You be safe and I hope you're not working too many hours because of this. Be safe hugs ~M
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Rainy day here today.. nothing like TX but still a good day to lay low so we got a pizza and some movies and this is our view right now.
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Keetmom~Hi honey! Glad to see you're doing good on this Sunday afternoon. Can I come and watch. ? I'm a sucker for Disney movies. Hugs for you and Emma! How are you feeling ? Hope all is well in your world! Big smiles! ~M~
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Feeling fine.. enjoying a quiet day....
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Micmel, my office is closed tomorrow and radiation is cancelled. I will attempt to go in to work on contracts for the clean up once the water recedes but I'll be super careful and if I can't get there, I'll do what I can from home, unfortunately, I need things in my office to complete the process. No worries though, safety first, always.
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Mae ~ have you ever had to miss rads before ! Does this mean you'll have to make them up? I know nothing about rads sorry ! Hope you're not going to work too many hours. I know safety always first, but please know we are praying for everyone's safety out there! So be careful if you go anywhere! Geeze looks terrible I feel so bad for everyone. We had sandy. But nothing like that flooding, further out from the coast, we did have floods, but nothing like that !
keetmom~ glad you're feeling good today and good to see you relaxing and enjoying the kids!
Another week ahead! Maybe it won't be so hot so I can try to get some walking in. I hate always being indoors. Someone suggested walking in the mall.!lol I'll go broke. Need to stay away from the stores. I used to like to shop. Now I don't really because my feet get tired from neuropathy! But it is getting better! Today DH and I went out to breakfast and then to the awful grocery store. It was mobbed! Yuck! But all loaded up with snacks! Priorities! Lol hugs to all ~M~
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I haven't missed one yet but I don't have radiation on the weekends, so I think missing 1 or 2 won't be too big a deal and yes, they'll add it to the end. I am careful but it's crazy out there. Several bayous are now above the 500 year flood stage!
This is a major highway below!
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Mae~😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 my goodness! I so hope people got out in time. That looks terrible omg, please stay inside! I have honestly never seen anything like that before. I am jaw dropping right now wow! Yeah I wouldn't go anywhere near that. My gosh! Thank god your house and family is safe. So awful. Your still feeling good though right ? You said you weren't having any side effects and I am hoping that is still the case! This weekend I actually did things! Now I'm gonna watch game of thrones ! Be careful! Prayers for all down south!~M~
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Micmel - there are a lot of rescues out there helping and getting the dogs. I could never leave mine no matter what either. I'm donating to several of the rescues.
Diane
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That's great and generous Diane.
Micmel, yes, still feeling good, which is lucky because I need a lot of energy to get into and stay in emergency mode. Roadways and traffic signals need to be repaired quickly, not when I feel up to it. I am a cog in a big wheel here, time to get to work.
I am actually taking my bully boy with me to work, I don't want him to be alone in with this weather and tornado warnings, etc.
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Edwards~it breaks my heart! I am so glad to hear that some wonderful volunteers are on the scene for the dogs. I am such an animal lover. But especially dogs. They know when you feel bad, they react when you cry. Those people should be banned from owning animals in the future. That is just cruel. And welcome Edwards to the thread. So nice to see you here with us! We have a nice supportive group of sisters here that help us through our days. I hope you will join us. Are you from Texas?? If you are i certainly hope you're doing ok and your family is also safe and sound. Hugs! ~M~
Mae~ love you! Please be safe. I'll be checking in for your safe return! Looks terrible out there !
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Mae - Wow! That looks awful. I'm glad you are ok and you are taking your bully dog with you. So far, Katy relatives are safe. I need to call dil about her friend, we have known her and her family for years. Sounds like you and I have the same belief re: these storms. Prepare for the worst, pray for the best. I will never understand the people who abandon their pets. They give us un conditional love. It is our job to keep them safe and secure. Stay safe!
Micmel - I am so glad you are enjoying your weekend!
Keetmom - pizza and a movie are always awesome! We had a rainy day also.
Nan - I want to tell you a story. When I was looking for a dress for Ds wedding, Dil came shopping with me. I finally found a dress I felt pretty in, but I did not want to buy it because my port scars were completely visible and I never wanted to show them. My Dil thought that was completely ridiculous, that those scars were a badge of honor and I should not feel self conscious, but feel proud. I am sure that your daughter feels that way about your baldness!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~ Hi beautiful! I hope you also had a good weekend, it was kinda surreal being able to actually do things with my DH, I constantly feel Like a zombie usually, but hearing that oncologists words just lifted me out of my funk. I am praying that this ibrance will burn out the only spots I have. He told me flat out , "your disease is too small to measure". "The spots you have are so small and non evasive, that you are doing remarkable and your bloodwork has always been beautiful" i almost fell off the examination table in the horrid and ohso flattering pink freaking gown. I looked over at DH and I saw him tear up and his eyes were red. When the doctor left he came over and held me and we had such an endearing moment. It was a sweet romantic weekend. One We haven't had in over a year and a half. I have been so sick recovering from everything. So.....please ladies never give up. Never. Women are amazing creatures. And this group we have here are some special strong ladies, I am proud to know and grow to love you each as good friends. Somedays you're all I have. I post because it helps me. And thank you for being here with me through this torturous journey! Sleep well ladies. Big hugs ! ~M~
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Wonderful to hear Micmel!
Have a good evening all.
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Hi Mae~ good morning ladies! I hope you're safe. Still looks pretty bad down there. I pray you're neighborhood is safe from flooding and problems. That pic you posted was scary. I can't believe the storm has stalled over you! Crazy storm. They were saying no one has seen anything like this before. That says a lot. I just pray not too many people loose their lives in this awful Harvey. Praying for you all that this storm will pull away and disappear for good!
Good morning to everyone and hope This is a great week for everyone! Miss all you guys ❤️💜 ~M~
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Micmel - Good morning! Again, what awesome news! Have you seen how well Gracie is doing now? She finally got her depression reined in. Such great news! Also, animalcrackers was asking about you. Have a great day!
Mae - I know you are working hard, just don't forget to take care of you!
Today is a good day so far! I had an appointment with my Pc on Friday, the knee and hip pain are out of control. They x rayed and I am supposed to get an appointment with ortho, but it seems there is an insurance problem I have to resolve first.aaargh! Oh well. Anyway, I reminded him I have a high tolerance for pain and I had reached my limit. I too had a great scan in July, but suddenly my knee and hip have become intolerable. I am also have more and more pain in my lower left side that cannot be explained. What h???
Not going to dwell on it, just felt like venting my frustration! Hope everyone has a happy Monday!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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I'm safe and working from home today, doesn't look like I can get to work or anywhere really.
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Whoa, that's bad! Glad you are safe!
Claudia
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Mae~ wow wow!!!! I have never seen anything like that! I hope you have a lot of groceries!! That is really awful, so thankful that you're ok though! Didn't want you out navigating that Terrible flooding. The pictures on television look horrible. Makes me feel so bad for people and pets.
Claudia~ I know what it's like to have pains pop up here and there! I am going to pray that you're just doing too much, you are also always on the move. I told my onc about my extreme exhaustion and he told me to take those ritilan!!! He said it wouldn't hurt me only help. It does help but I hate taking them every day. It's like an engine that keeps running. But I also wanted to share something else he put me on, it's called Effexor! He said it's an anti depressant that is known to help with heat flashes,and help me with my sadness issues. I almost lept off the table and yelled sign me up! I have taken four pills I think, I don't know if it's in my mind, but I have had like four heat flashes, and none of them were nearly as bad as I am used to. He said it would work faster for the flashes than for the depression, that would take perhaps a few weeks to notice. But I wanted to share this information just in case it could help anyone of us !! Those are part of the worst side effects that i have!
I am praying for good scans or news for us all for a very long time ! I have spoken to Gracie I think on Thursday not sure if it was before my onc appointment or after. And where was animal crackers ? That's very sweet ! Hugs
Love you guys! ❤️~M~
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Animal crackers is on bone mets thread.
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Omg~I started my 10month of ibrance on Saturday and I am so tired. I literally slept all day. I fell asleep for hours. I feel so drained and tired. The fatigue could stop a train. I didn't take my ritilan today, I have taken it for the past few days and I just wanted to give my body rest and I guess it needed it ! I just hope I sleep tonight. Hope everyone is doing welll!! Hugs ~M~
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Just checking in, still all good here
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Mae~I was just going to write how are you?? Lol great minds. I saw that it was supposed to get worse again and it was going to wrap around and hit you guys again 😲😰! I hope you are feeling good and your house is still way far from the flooding. I saw some really scary pictures of the highways. I can't even comprehend! My DH and I are donating to the fund. Is there a specific one that you know of ? We feel so sad for the people. They are all in our prayers as well as you Mae! Give bulldog a hug for me. ~M~
Claudia~ hi sweety. Are you getting some rain and storms also? DH says it's a mess in Maryland today! Hope your pain is letting up, I know you said you were having problems. Love you darling !
Keetmom~ hope all is well with you. Hope Emma is enjoying her lovely digs. I forgot to ask you if she is loving that art station. I love coloring. If I was a kid I would have flipped.
Nan~ miss and love you honey. Hope all is well.
Chicago~ hope you're also pain free this week and all is well. I can't believe school is starting again and we will be thrown into fall. I love the cooler temperatures!
Have a good day and all
Be safe. Maybe I won't sleep today for six hours!💤💤💤💤.
Stephen kings movie IT is coming out next weekend. My entire family is all going together to the movies. It will be the first family outing together, since I was diagnosed. I'm so excited!! I read the book years ago and I am so excited to go and see how it is on the screen, I am not a big fan of clowns but I loved the story!
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Micmel, still feeling good and the rain finally let up for a bit on my side of town. Work is closed again today but I'll be doing my part from home. There is no water covering the street, I have power and we had a minor repair to our roof a few weeks ago, which was great timing. I can't recommend any specific organizations but Red Cross is probably the safest to avoid being scammed. And my bulldog gets big hugs and treats, he has gone potty outside in the rain this whole time, I'm so proud.
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Mae - What a great dog! My Westie does not like to get his paws wet! I have to go out with him to get him off the concrete! Also, watch the clock to be sure he gets out lol. I have been seeing horror stories on fb, about people abandoning their horses, chickens and cattle. I just can't understand that. Before Matthew hit here, there were fb and phone calls requesting help with moving there horses. I volunteered as we have a trailer. Farms and ranches happily opened up there doors we when all other areas were full. It was pretty amazing! Having horses and having had cattle, I know all you have to do is pick up the phone or go on fb and someone will come help. That's something you can count on when you own animals. We are a very giving bunch! Stay safe and dry and hug that dog for me!
Micmel - I am glad you are having a good day! Stephen King... I love suspense and psychological thrillers, but I read It and it scared the cr?? Out of me. I haven't read anymore of his books except the Stand. Crazy scary! I do however, love Dean Koontz!
I have bloodwork today and appointment with PN. 2 more days left in cycle and woke up this morning exhausted! Now I have hour drive to
Mayo, then get out just in time for rush hour traffic, which means probably 2 hours home and yoga at six. I don't think I will make that. Darn, its my bc yoga. I just love those women! Oh well...
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Mae-Glad you are well and have power so you can help others with that mess in Houston. Unbelievable!
Micmel-I am so happy to hear about your great report from your oncologist and that you have a family outing planned for this weekend! Fantastic!
Claudia-good luck with your appointment today. Hope they can figure out what is causing that odd pain and especially hope it's not related to cancer.
I had a good weekend myself-saw the friend who has been great during throughout these past several months, unlike other "ghosts"
. I tried a different group for a hike this Saturday-I was still the slowest but people made a point of slowing down to walk with me. Had a lot of fun and then saw a group of cousins and aunts, who much to my surprise, have also been very supportive. Today I've been on the phone with my health insurance thanks to a surprise $2,800 bill I received yesterday for a hospital stay last September! Fingers crossed-it may be a mistake and they are going to reprocess it.Hope everyone has a good day!
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Claudia~ you be safe in the traffic! I hate traffic! I didn't hear about horses and cattle being left also. I can't even bear to think of that. I had horses when I was a young girl. I could never imagine leaving even a hamster no less a beautiful horse or dog. I will admit that this entire thing is beyond scary, like you said. Some people obviously should have prepared better!
Mae~ my dogs both of them do not like their paws To get wet either, they pace on the concrete slab back and forth until I go outside with them (Claudia!) to make sure their business is done. I am thrilled your property and home is safe. I keep seeing neck level water places, and with them saying it will wrap around, is this going to effect you this time ? I pray not. And for everyone effected. Red Cross is it. Thanks Mae!
Chicago~I wish we were all able to hike together, then no one would feel left behind, we would be all battered up and walking together! I am happy that you have groups that care enough to not be ghosts as you stated. Boy did that hit home with me. So true! I am inspired by your hiking and am hoping to get out when the weather breaks again !
Edwards~ you never said if you lived in Texas or not. If you do I pray you're safe as well, since we haven't heard from you since last post.
Keetmom~. Sending hugs and hoping family is well. I have heard a 🐜 bug is going around since some schools have already started! Hope no one brings anything home to you! Wash those hands!!
Hugs to all !
I woke up at 736, And then fell asleep at 930 and woke up again at 11:11. When my son came down to inform me of his impending hunger. I have been exhausted also! I also love Dean Koontz. Nice choice. Have read many many of his books. ! Stephen King books I have also read almost all of them. I enjoy thrillers and mysteries, another favorite is David Baldacci! Fabulous!
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Claudia ~ just checking into see how your doctors appointment went. I hope your pain is getting better. Do you have a palliative care doctor ? Mine helps me tremendously! I am praying for you and hope your ok. Hugs my friend. ~M~
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My neighborhood is still dry this morning but I'll be monitoring things today as I could be impacted by the addicks resevoir overflow. I did see the sun for the first time in several days yesterday and this very cool butterfly
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I am praying you will not be effected Mae!! I am so thankful you're ok. This storm has been so awful, there really are no words to say how bad it looks and how sorry we are for all the damage. I am praying the waters recede soon and people can get back to restoring what they can. So sad. I haven't seen many butterflies at all lately. They seem to be in short supply lately. When I was a kid they were everywhere! Now not so much. I wonder why that is ?? Thanks for letting us know you're safe. I was watching the news and hoping you were on the Back end of this. Hugs to you! ~M~
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Mae - ditto what Micmel said. That is a beautiful butterfly! We have 4 monarchs in our bottle brush. They really like those.
Micmel - read bone mets thread, I told what happened yesterday. You will be, never mind. Having a rough week and sometimes the best thing to do is keep quiet.
I hope everyone has a nice, pain free day!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~I want nothing more for you to feel no pain! I take 5mg Percocet everyday just keep at limit my joint and muscle pain, some people don't like narcotics. But small doses do not seem to be a bad thing. I have about 14 pills I take daily, and honestly I have a vapor oil pen that I also use for pain, it relaxes me and I am thankful Pa is now a medicinal state. Marinol works wonders as well. I have a great palliative care doctor who helps me a lot with lidocaine patches and ointment. I haven't needed those in a long time. But they helped tremendously with the pain. I am thinking of you! Love you 💕💕~M~
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I too have a similar story, My husband and I have been together since high school, 38 years. We've been married 34, have 4 children 2 sons 31 and 22 ,and 2 daughters 30 and 27 We also have 3 grandchildren, 1 granddaughter almost 8, and 2 grandsons (brothers) 6 and 4 1/2. I was originally diagnosed at 43, in 2005, stage 1 (found on a routine mammogram). I took the Oncotype DX test on my tumor and it came back that I had only an 8% chance of recurrence in 10 years and chemo would drop it to 5%. Needless to say, I skipped chemo. I had a lumpectomy, sentinal node biopsy (no cancer in the nodes) and 6 weeks of radiation. Since the tumor was estrogen positive and I was premenopausal, I had a complete hysterectomy (everything is gone) to get rid of those estrogen ovaries. I was then put on aramotase inhibitors. I lasted 3 1/2 years on them. I couldn't take the awful side effects anymore. In 2012, I was having back pain. After an x-ray and MRI, they found I had a compression fracture in one of my vertabrae (I've since had 4 kyphoplasties to repair them), and many tumors in my spine and lungs. It's also now in ribs, pelvis, skull, other bones, as well as my liver. 5 years stage 4 and still kicking. My husband has been wonderful throughout it all. I too worry about him (his currently 54, I'm almost 56). I asked him to wait at least a year after I pass before seeing someone, and never remarry. I know it's a lot to ask, but I too get upset thinking of how his future will be, and I don't want someone else taking over my spot. I worry about the kids too even though they are all adults now. Our older daughter has a lot of health issues, and I think she will be with him forever unless she finds someone. Currently she lives at home as well as our younger son. Everyone tells me how lucky I am to have a husband like mine. He's a jack of all trades, and does most of the housework too. He'd be an awesome catch for anyone, and that's the problem I'm having. I also don't think he could be on his own. He could do it no problem, but mentally, I think he needs someone. I told him I'd haunt him if he remarried. I know I'm not being realistic, but that's just the way I feel. He's the love of my life. Thanks for listening!
Lynne
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Lynne~welcome! I know exactly how you feel! I have layed awake crying many nights filled with grief at the thought of leaving this perfect man. He is my person. Just as yours seems to be as well. He cooks he cleans he loves me like no other. He and I have had similar talks about if I were to pass. He says he just couldn't do it all again. That once you find that one,nothing else matters. I'd like to think that would be the case because i know if the roles were reversed I would not even care to date . I know that deep that it would just be who I am. He says he has the kids and that he already does his photography when he hikes and that he likes doing his own thing.i cannot hike like I used to. That sadnesses haunts me. I am nothing like I used to be. It sounds like you have a lovely family and have been blessed with knowing your grandchildren. I pray every day that will Happen for me. No rushing them lol. But it would be a great gift to live that long. You are a warrior and I hope you'll come around and join our little family here on the thread. We support and care very much for each other and it's like a small town pub! Thank you so much for sharing your love story! It warms my heart to know that good real love is really why we fight this cancer so hard! Hugs to you ! ~M~
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Mae~ I just saw that reservoir on television. They showed many houses flooded because of that. I HOPE and PRAY your house is not effected! Geeze I wish this crap would stop! So many people effected. Life is so hard sometimes! Sigh! 😞Hugs ~M~
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So remember when Emma was sick right before vacation...yah she got sick again yesterday and we ended up at the local ER (we knew last time it wasn't brain tumor related so we didn't drive 2 hours) any way..she has a 5mm kidney stone and several other small ones in her kidney..so we are trying to flush them out...yah nothing is ever easy in our house.....she is feeling better now..was miserable yesterday..luckily it is into her bladder...school starts Tuesday...ready to get back into swing of things...tonight I want to sleep stayed at hospital with her last night...so not much sleep for me
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Keetmom~❤️ I was wondering where you were! I have had kidney stones before and for an adult its excruciating! That poor sweet child. I am so sorry that you had to put up with seeing her In pain again. How long was she In the hospital!? Is she ok now ? Has she passed all of them ? I passed out from the pain onto the floor. I am thinking of you guys. So sorry for her she has been through the ringer. Keeping you guys in prayer!
Mae!?? Hoping you're ok haven't seen you all day!
Hugs to all ~M
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No we are straining pee hopefully they pass soon...she is so tough! she just mentioned the pain matter of factly...I often am blown away by her strength..we are home, the only reason she was in the hospital, was because she has adrenal issues...
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Keetmom~ ah yes! The ole straining of the pee trick, so annoying. You can barely go anyway without extreme pain but they want to see what it's made up of. Usually they are calcium formed. She is absolutely an amazing child. But then again you have an amazing family and she has an amazing mother!'😌 I really hope they are small enough to just pass easily for her and for you. I hope this doesn't mess up school time for her. I cantreally believe that the Summer is officially over already! Time goes so fast. I just hope she can put this behind her soon. Hugs to you strong mama! ~M~
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Good news! The overflow from the reservoir will not reach my neighborhood, it turned out to not creep as far north as previously estimated and I'm told if there's no flooding here now, there won't be later. I also finished my part in the emergency contracts, tomorrow I open bids and see the cost. The last bit of good news is that enough rads techs made it in, so I was able to get my treatment back on schedule, although, it's located south and west of my home where so much flooding is, so I had to drive far east first, then south, then west. Oh well, back to my office tomorrow and grateful that I am able to get back to normal when so many others can't.
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Mae - I sure am glad you made it through with no damage! My heart just aches for those who lost everything. I am donating to the Lindel Foundation, where 100% of all donations will go to the victims in your state. He is the owner of My Pillow , and he is covering 100% off the Foundations operating costs so this can happen. He also has donated 60,000 pillows. Probably seems silly to some, but I think it will bring a small measure of comfort to them.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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That's very cool. And not silly at all, a good bed, pillow, nights sleep makes all the difference
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Good morning Ladies~Mae yay! So happy your neighborhood was spared in all of this horribleness. I can't even imagine how much suffering these people have to endure. Thousands and thousands of people with no place to call home anymore. Their belongings just gone. It makes me sad and mad at the same time.! Mother Nature can be an angry beast sometimes.
Claudia~ I like that idea. Everyone needs a great pillow to rest their head after something like this. I didn't even know his fund was available. We donated to Red Cross but that is a good idea!! Hope you're doing ok. Thinking about you all! Hugs ~M~
Keetmom ~ How is the stone watch? Poor gals! Always sending good thoughts
Hugs ~M~
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I was wondering how you ladies detected your cancer?. I was thinking back, and I had what they thought was a cyst. Two different doctors told me that it was a cyst and my age. Yada yada. It wasn't a cyst. I could have moved on it a year earlier had they said whoa, have that looked at. It was like a breast mouse, I could move it freely and it wasn't connected to anything at all. At first. Yes oh yes at first. Then not so much. Awful! I just wondered. Did you ladies have a lump? How did you know?? Hope all is well ! ~M~
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Mae- glad you are going to be safe..watching in disbelief and feel awful for all the people who have lost everything.
Mic- yup still on stone watch, no sign yet but no more pain..well not that she is telling us. DHs first stone was a grain of sand and brought him to his knees and this is 5mm and she said yah my back hurts a little...cant get over her pain thresh holdMy cancer was a thickness in an area, my DR found it and sent me for a mammogram, we were in the midst of a very ver very bad year...yah we have had a bunch but this one was particularly sucky, stage 4 I was achy and my tumor markers up so my NP sent me for scans even though my oncologist said "There is no way that cancer is back..." I think and my new oncologist that I was always stage 4
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Keetmom~ she is something else your precious Emma! I think kids are pretty tough sometimes. Maybe she gets it from you!
I also was always stage four from the beginning. They just didn't know it until they found a small pencil head sized tumor on my livers surface! I had already had one heavy AC chemo. He pulled me out of the heavy chemo and told me their suspicions! The following week I was in biopsy. I then had a liver resection and left mastectomy,it was rough!! After that onto Abraxane! But during the time of all that. The little suckers, nested in my bones.
Mae~ was anyone in your neighborhood effected by the resevior? Must be a large neighborhood, has the storm at least moved along ? You mentioned cost? You mean the cost of damage for your company and repairs ? My mom lives in Mississippi and they are under Tornado warnings quite a bit today! This Harvey needs to head out! How long have you worked for your company?That sounds pretty cool. Interesting to say the least!
Claudia~ Sending hugs and good thoughts!
Nan~ miss you darling !
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I can't even believe that medicine would cost that much. It's really sad that medicine that is so needed wouldnt be able to be gotten without insurance! Scary world we live in these days! I am starting my 10 th month and I am so fatigued, I don't even Think the word applies and needs a new name! Hope all is well.
Claudia~ thinking about your pain and hoping today was at least better for you!
Happy thoughts ~M~
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Micmel, no one in my neighborhood affected thankfully and we're dry and sunny now. I work for the transportation dept in roadway maintenance, specifically contracting. The cost of cleaning up debris and fixing submerged pavement and traffic signal electronics will not be cheap. Both of my former supervisors have retired in recent years and I'm the only one left who's been through this before (Hurricane Ike was a direct hit), it's a lot of stress to try to be quick, efficient and train others in the process which includes lots of rules at the state and federal levels. So, the emergency work, plus concern about my area flooding on top of cancer has mad enough for a hell of a week.
Still feeling good though
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Mae~That is very good that your neighborhood was not involved. Seems like you chose a safe place to live. I thought that is what you meant about the clean up. I am sure that alone is a full time job, just noting what was damaged. Just make sure you rest for you!
I was wondering how you ladies found your cancer if you don't mind sharing. I have been thinking that a lot of women knew about their lump and was told To watch it closely. I did watch it closely, I did everything they said. I would have done the mammogram, had they notsaid we're not worried because of your age. If it changes we will immediately check this out! Well it did change , and it was doing damage by playing the I'm going to spread game! I just wonder how many cases could have been different if the doctors didn't place such an emphasis on age. Have a good day ladies. Much love and good thoughts ~M~
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Good morning Micmel, I am feeling better today! A little sore and A lot tired, but that's ok. End of Ibrance cycle, hence the tiredness. I hope you have something fun planned for this weekend. We are finally going to take the weekend off! We are going to go riding and spend the day at the beach. I don't know if I told you, Dh is doing all our construction projects. He is working late in the day and all weekend. I finally convinced him to take this weekend off. He works full time then comes home and works here. He needs a break. We are having dinner with friends Sat night, we have made a habit of that. We meet every Sat for dinner! They are so much fun! I hope you have a great weekend!
Mae - You are one busy lady right now! I'm so glad you did not suffer any damage! I hope you have a great weekend!
Keetmom - Has the stone passed yet? I sure hope so! You and your family have had enough trials to last a lifetime. I'm wishing you a great weekend!
Chicagoan - Do you have big weekend plans?
Nan - Thinking of you. Wondering how things are? What about your weekend? Have you found a dress? I wish I could go shopping with you. There is nothing better than shopping for a special dress for yourself or a loved one! Ok, maybe shopping for wedding dresses is more fun! I bought a great peri winkle sheath dress for the rehearsal dinner when my son got married! I know you will find something beautiful!
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Good Morning Ladies~ Mae~saw more about that addicks reservoir on television all I can say is wow wow! I keep seeing so many animals being rescued. I am just glad that they are getting the animals out and not leaving them. It seems like All the water in the world is in Texas! Unreal pictures. Can't tell you how glad we are you're ok in all of this. Hope that your entire family is ok in all of this! I wanted to say that I think you're pretty amazing. You still work and have a great attitude!
Claudia~ you have another keeper of a DH! He seems to be just like mine always on the move doing some awesome projects and being our hero! I was thinking about you and hoping your pain was just part of the waxing and waining of this shitty disease. I am always thinking about you guys and our daily challenges we all face one way or another. So much strength here on this thread! Enjoy your time with your friends ! So special that time!
Keetmom~ you're another example of strength, your family also. I hope Emma is pain free, even though she's one tough cookie and has a pain threshold that is mind boggling. She shouldn't be dealing with ll of this at this age. Think of you all often as well!
Chicago~ hope you're feeling good from
Your long hike. Also another amazing woman here. Hope the weekend is good weather,but certainly will not utter one word if it isn't, I'll take rain for a month, if it keeps it away from Texas!
Hugs and good thoughts to all. Always! ~M~
Nan~ gotta tell us about your dress ! Miss you. I surehope you're creating memories!
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Stone has passed...she is doing good..need to add Urology to our list of specialists to avoid this from happening in future again.
Sunday is our 23 year anniversary, going out for dinner tonight and to best buy....nothing to exciting..but should be fun...I'm attempting to wear a wig, it is itchy already....hope I don't rip it off during dinner.0 -
Keetmom-So glad Emma's stone has passed! It's bad enough when adults have to suffer but kids? It just doesn't seem fair. Happy anniversary-hope you have a great time!
Micmel-Are you off to the movies tonight? So glad you are getting out and having fun.
Claudia-Glad you are feeling better. How awesome to get out riding and go to the beach.
Mae-So glad you are able to work and help alleviate the problems in Houston. Good thoughts to all and hope that you get some R&R this weekend.
Nan-Please post a picture of your new dress if you can.
I went to a Jazz Festival last night-so uplifting and today am tackling painting my front porch. I even bought paint to repaint some rooms that badly need it. Being a "cancer patient" I was procrastinating and then thinking, "I better paint it neutral (for the new owners)" But today, I bought the paint that I wanted and think I will be strong enough to paint the rooms, if I pace myself. I bought Hacienda tile and think I will be the one to enjoy it. Cheers everyone-enjoy the weekend!
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Micmel, I forgot to include my cancer story. Here goes....
My maternal aunt was dxd about 5 years ago in her 60's, my mom was dxd about 3 years ago, also in her 60's. I told my PCP when I found out about my mom (this became more significant family history) and he ordered a mammogram just before my 40th birthday. The mammo was normal and my moms genetic testing came back negative, so life went on.
Fast forward 18 months, Saturday 10/29/16, while undressing for bed I feel a lump, it was big, like an egg and I'm sure it wasn't there days before. I cal my PCP Monday morning 10/31, he does an exam that afternoon and orders a mammo. Mammo and ultrasound performed Friday 11/4, afterwards a nurse talks to DH and I and it sounds grim but I'm scheduled for a biopsy on Tuesday 11/8. Biopsy done and on Thursday 11/10 I get the "I'm sorry, it's cancer" call. I leave work immediately, go home and call MD Anderson. I'm seen and scanned at MDA on Wednesday 11/16 where due to a suspicious lesion on my hip bone, I was told I'd be treated as stage IV (bone biopsy later confirmed).
I was completely blown away. Partly, because my genetic testing came back negative too, although I was told that there is very likely a risk associated with a combination of genes yet unknown. The other thing was that I thought, if I reacted quickly, I would catch it early. It never occurred to me that it could be so advanced before any symptoms appeared.
What's got me though this is DH, of course! The fact that I've always felt I was a lucky person, minimal mets (just the left hip bone), having normal pre-cancer energy and my relaxed attitude.
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Mae~ wow! I always thought my lump just changed overnight as well. I also was blown away by the stage four diagnosis, I also had no obvious symptoms. I look back now and I can see some that I associated with other things. I only breathe on one lung, from a totalOther separate condition. So fheee was always something to blame my sickness on. When I really think back, the cancer must have been in my system for years undetected. The day I was diagnosed I ran 6 miles in an hour. I was just always exhausted no matter how much I slept,kinda like now with lady ibrance. I am sorry that that happened to you. I do agree you have an awesome attitude, and clearly another keeper of a husband! Thank goodness. Thanks for sharing your story. At least you weren't told watch and wait! Have a safe Labor Day weekend & hopefully a dry one ! No rain whatsoever! Good thoughts all around!
Chicago~next weekend the movie comes out. I am not sure if we will hit the first weekend or not, I don't want to deal with big crowds, so within a week or two I'm going to venture out with the entire family. Which I am so thrilled that they all want to go. Even my DH who is a big chicken. Lol. Hope you have a good weekend also.
Keetmom ~ yay Emma. She is one tough cookie!! Relax both of you. Wow
Claudia~ have fun riding and be safe. Enjoy your friends. Sending big hugs.
~M~
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Let's all take a moment here to send good thoughts and vibes to Lita57 , she has received the news we all quiver in fear of, and this brave lady has a battle of all battles ahead of her. This disease is so maddening. I am so angry that it keeps hurting good people, who don't deserve any of it. She's so scared, I know prayers is such a funny phrase to say when things like this happen, it makes me think and wonder why someone would allow such suffering. Maybe it's just something people say because we all want to believe that there is an almighty power! Well he needs to get moving and help some of us MBC sisters. Enough bullshit pain and literal suffering. I'm sorry Lita my friend. I wish I was a magician! So sad today. Love all you special ladies so much. There are no words ~M~💔
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So saddened by Lita's update too, such a devastating thing for her, her family and her bulldog (they feel the emotion). It is a frightening reminder that progression can happen to any of us at any time.
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Still trying to wrap my mind around Lita's diagnosis.
Keetmom, congrats on 23 years! So happy Emma passed her stone!
Chicagoan, a Jazzfest in Chicago, wow! My ex and I used to go to Rush Street to listen to Jazz! Like 36 years ago! Gosh that makes me feel ancient. Have a great weekend!
Mae, you are so right, our animals do feel our emotions!!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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I'd like to take a moment to brag on DH. He's just great, smart (self taught), confident and supportive. He always plans little vacations, date nights, etc and is already working on anniversary planning (months away). I just received a link to a rental boat in the keys (I grew up at the beach and love water). Nothing set yet but this is a beautiful, fun and relaxing option. I don't know how I got so lucky!
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Mae~ I am thrilled for you! Looks like such fun. This thread is certainly the place for that! You are a very lucky lady! I hope it works out for your anniversary!! Happy place. Our DHs are. My DHs back went out. He's on the couch. Sometimes they do too much! Enjoy the rest of your evening ! Hugs~M~
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Today I was the care taker. It felt good to do some things for him. He just couldn't move. It hit him this morning after we woke up. He took a muscle relaxer and melted into the couch. I honestly Have never seen him in this much pain. It made me feel happy to finally be able to do something for him for once. He's always doing everything to take care of me. I made him go up to bed early.
It's been an emotional day for a lot of people. I hope you all know how very strong and special I think you all are. I value you being my friend here and helping me on bad days and helping me celebrate the baby steps. Many days reading all of your words have gotten me to smile and pick my head up. I know we have chronic issues we will have no choice but to deal with. But thank you for being here. Sending good vibes and happy thoughts.
With Lita mentioning hospice, it sure does smack you in the face when this person didn't have those symptoms three weeks ago, that isn't very long. Someone said today, it just shows that any one of us can progress at anytime. I really hate that dark cloud hanging over everyone's head. Everyday. These new treatments can't come soon enough as far as I am concerned. Good night ladies. Oh an Mae, I adored your picture and mention of bull dogs butts! Hilarious and kind Sophia would like the shout out! You're right she's probably knowing something is wrong, poor puppy dog. I'm sure Lita is going to love that.Sleep well ladies ~M~
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Micmel, I have been following your thread and I like the vibe here. Love of family, caring for others and a welcoming spirit here. I have been married to my wonderful husband for 37 years. He is my rock, supports me 100% in everything, especially this cancer experience. We have 3 grown sons. Our oldest has Asbergers, middle son out on his own working as a job recruiter, youngest still at home, saving to get an apartment with his girlfriend, he is a preschool teacher. I have a small but VERY supportive extended family. My mother is in the beginning stages of dementia and my brother and I watch over her. I have a large group of wonderful friends but nobody gets what I'm going through except the ladies I have found here. I'm currently on short term disability from my job as a nurse, just cannot physically do it anymore and probably won't be going back. Just had a stable scan this week, I have extensive widespread bone mets. Hope to contribute whatever I can to this thread.
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Micmel, I have been following your thread and I like the vibe here. Love of family, caring for others and a welcoming spirit here. I have been married to my wonderful husband for 37 years. He is my rock, supports me 100% in everything, especially this cancer experience. We have 3 grown sons. Our oldest has Asbergers, middle son out on his own working as a job recruiter, youngest still at home, saving to get an apartment with his girlfriend, he is a preschool teacher. I have a small but VERY supportive extended family. My mother is in the beginning stages of dementia and my brother and I watch over her. I have a large group of wonderful friends but nobody gets what I'm going through except the ladies I have found here. I'm currently on short term disability from my job as a nurse, just cannot physically do it anymore and probably won't be going back. Just had a stable scan this week, I have extensive widespread bone mets. Hope to contribute whatever I can to this thread.
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Good morning all!
Micmel, I hope DH's back is feeling better this morning and that your day is SE free.
Lynnwood, welcome! One of the things I like about this tread is that I can brag on DH without feeling guilty, so many posts about crap husbands in other topics
Congrats on the stable scan!Today will be casual, running errands and going for a walk.
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Lynnwood~welcome to our thread! We like to call it our place to voice anything going on in your life. I can honestly say that I adore everyone of these wonderful, strong, women that are here with me everyday. Each and everyone of them have a place in my heart that is special. The strength of our families and we support each other and want nothing but the best for each other! I feel very lucky to have our little pub! I am so thrilled to have you here! I have seen some strong fantastic ladies show exactly what can be done, while battling this awful disease! Please join us and know family is always so special and the base of who we are. I am so warmed to read your love story. I know raising kids are a challenge! I so look forward to getting to know you! Much love all ~M~ Congrats on your scan Very important !! I am sorry about your mother, that is tough in itself! I am sending you hugs and good vibes! Always! Glad you're here!
Hi Mae ~ morning darling. His back is a little better today. I'll just have to treat him extra special today. It felt so good to take care of him. Yesterday! He's always taking such good care of me! Please do brag. I love hearing my MBC sisters being taken good care of. It's vital for our survival actually. I also noticed a lot of men not supporting their spouses. It makes me sad. Love you guys ! ~M ~ be safe on your errands. I'm sure it's still not so easy getting around. Due to Harvey
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I simply cannot imagine going through this without my husband! He never wavers at the scary ugly uncertainty that cancer has brought into our life. This is not how it was supposed to be for us but here we are and we are doing this together. This is my favorite story of my husband... When I had my bilateral mastectomy in 2008 ( little did we know then that cancer would become metastatic) I was in the hospital. My chest was covered with orange Betadine, drains and staples and was frightening even to me. I told my husband that he might as well see it all now, the good, the bad, and the ugly. He looked at me standing there in the bathroom of my hospital room and said these words...." Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see that your cancer is gone and you are here for me to love and I thank God for that." I always say that these are the most beautiful words ever spoken to me.
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lynnwood~ I am smiling right now! My DH said the same thing to me. He still comes up with reasons to trip me as I walk by him. He giggles at me, while secretly making sure I really Don't fall. It's the playful sweet times like those, that give me strength and make me happy. I am thankful you have your precious DH. At my darkest times he's been the one light bringing meback. I have my kids but there is nothing like that one true love to make us fight like women!!! I can't even imagine someone else in my place. Breaks my heart in twelve pieces !! I hope you all enjoy the holiday with your family!! Much love ~M~
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Welcome Lynnwood! Congratulations on your stable scan! We love to here good news! Your story of what your Dh said to you brought happy tears to my eyes! Thank you for that! He sounds very special! So sorry about your mom, that is so rough to go through. My stepfather in law has Alzheimer's. You know, inn our darkest moments, we need to remember that there are things worse than what we have. A friend of ours had been good friends with a man who is 38, married, with 2 small kids, who just entered hospice with ALS. Breaks my heart!
On a more positive note, my Dh just wants me to be here, no matter what I look like, no matter how tired and sore, just be here. Although, he would hate it if I was suffering. He is finally building the shop that he has been wanting for years! He also decided my barn was no longer functioning for the new me, so he added a small, yet extremely functional barn onto his shop! We call it our shabarn! I'm so excited since it will make caring for our horses, so much easier for me! He doesn't think I figured out this puts me close to him so he can keep an eye on me. He is my heart! We have been together 29years!
Micmel, they just don't understand how much we love to take care of them! Yesterday, I was so tired, but I managed to make one of Dh's favorite dinners. You would have thought I handed him a million dollars, he was so happy! If you have Biofreeze on hand, we find that stuff works great on sore muscles! Also, sitting in anti- gravity lawn chairs. Enjoy your weekend!
Mae - that boat in the Keys looks great! Whatever you come up with will be fun, because you will be together!
Sorry for the novel. Nan - Holding you close to my heart!
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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some really wonderful. DHs here. Mine just made rice crispy treats for me. They are a weakness of mine. My rear end doesn't think so. But they are really delicious. He also smoked a pork roast and that was heavenly. Just watching a movie. It was misty all day on and off, I think people had their picnics yesterday,but it was rainy then too. But oh well I enjoyed the time with my family ! Hope everyone. Is safe. Keetmom?! Everything ok ? Thinking of you all ~M~
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We just had a wonderful family cookout today. My husband is the family cook and cooks every Sunday for me, our sons, the girlfriends, my mom, brother and sister in law. Cooks all the major holidays too. This will be the first Labor Day holiday that I am not in the workforce. Feels strange but good. Micmel my rear end has seen better days! Seems everything I eat ends up there! Oh well, I don't smoke or drink alcohol ...I stress eat and that's prob not going to change. Hope everyone has a good holiday! I volunteer at a cat rescue so I will be spending my morning there.
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Good afternoon ladies~hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the day off. Feeling pretty good today! We spent time cleaning out the basement. Stuff just seems to accumulate like crazy. And it's not even mine!!! Rained a good part of the weekend but I am not complaining! Gotsome things done! I realize that I am not as strong as I used to be and that bothers me. A lot. I used to be able to run like the wind. Now I have to rest sometimes while doing manual work And housework. It seem to Be a lot more work then before diagnosis! I Hate you cancer! Hate hate! Hugs and much love! ~M~ how is everyone today??
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I'm doing well, sitting up in my bed at MDA getting my Herceptin and Perjeta. Afterwards, I'll stop at the store to get DH's meds and begin dinner prep, I can't decide between steak or shrimp.
Thinking about a short, early evening bike ride but who knows, sure it sounds good now....
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Yesterday with Dh...sitting on our deck. The tree you see is 200yrs old! It Has been struck by lightning and been brushed by a tornado.
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This morning we went for a ride! It was fun but too hot! Here is a pencil drawing of our "shabarn"!
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I'm so glad to hear everyone had a good weekend!
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Beautiful scene with the pool and tree with Spanish moss bigbhome
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I spent my morning with my kitties. I volunteer two times a week at a cat rescue. Problem is that I want to bring them all home!
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I just had visit from the most precious puppy in the world and now I want one!! My heart is melted! Help me. It was great day! Love that tree, and the pool! Makes me want to go swimming!! Claudia, such nice property! Nice plans for a new barn. And a ride?! You go girl! Loving that! I'm jealous. I would love to volunteer with animals!! That sounds like such fun Lynn! Mae~ how is the area cleaning up.? Anymore flooding ? I'm hoping everyone can slowly get their lives back together. I keep seeing commercials! Makes me wonder where all the water can possibly go!!! Here Is the puppy! His sweetheart name Is Cheif!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕0 -
Clean up is coming along and I have two more to do tomorrow. This pic is on my way to work, once I come out from under that RR bridge and turn the corner, I'm there. I had to go another way on Thursday but it had fully drained by Friday.
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wow! I really hope this Irma makes its way out to sea and doesn't bother any coast this time. I am just waking up! I am alway so tired on this medicine. DH left this morning down and back to Work! Yuck. I wish he could just retire. Then I'd have more time to spend with him. He was exhausted from battling his back being thrown out. I keep telling him. He isn't a spring chicken anymore!! I know their are a lot of people on other threads that are having their scans this week I am praying that everyone has good scans and sees improvement!! I had some bad dreams last night. Geeze what am I ten? Seriously who has bad dreams at 47?? Anyhoo. I hope everyone has a good pain free day. I see my palliative care doctor next week. And then no doctor again until the end to middle of November, that's what I should have been dreaming about ! Much love ~M~
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We are starting to prepare for Irma. I don't have time for this. Oh well. I'm sure no one in Texas had time for Harvey. Depending on what happens with Irma, Dh is supposed to go to Houston on the 20th, I was supposed to go with him but I have MRI of hip on the 24th. Can't cancel and he can't reschedule. Oh well...I'm So glad we had one of our big trees removed, it was going to go it was just a matter of when. Every storm that came through had me inn a panic. Now, no worries on that front!
Have a great day everyone!
Claudia
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Claudia~ Not another storm!! I can't believe this is happening. I really hope it hooks away! It could still turn. It has to! I really hope that it just heads out to sea. This seems to be an active year already. I read the store shelves are already bare in Florida!! Oh Claudia. Are you very close to the coast? I'll be constantly checking for you! 😞 Geeze. Be careful not to strain your hip anymore. I'm sending love and thoughts for a big ole miss! For everyone in the us northeast coast! Enough already! Much love friends! ~M~
Keetmom?? Haven't seen you honey. Everything ok. ? How is Emma?
Chicago? How was the hiking ? You ok too ?
Nan~sending hugs and thoughts!
Lynn~ still loving those scan results. May you have many many more!
Mae~ what a difference a week makes! I still can't believe you are still working. I guess you saw up close damage with your job! I hope no other storms bother Texas either this decade or two! Hugs!
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I just heard another update about Irma. Geeze. It looks like the projected models say that Florida is in a lot of their paths. I am really hoping you're home is more inland Claudia! I guess at some point if you live on any coast you face the chance of this happening. I remember Sandy,it came right through and sounded like a freight train. I could feel my walls moving. It was five days with out electricity in October. It was really cold. All of the contents in the fridge were lost, we hadn't to bathe at the Ymca at least once. I was a total mess. Flooding everywhere. I am hoping it looses a heck of a lot of steam on its way, usually when they hit land they weaken. I am really hoping this is the case!
My good friend Dianarose isn't feeling well again and had to gonna back to the cancer center, if I think about it, she's been there almost everyday for a month. She's fighting her heart out and she's had so much AC, she can't take much more. Please give her good thoughts. I am sitting here worrying about her. It's so hard this awful disease! Much love ~M~
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People here are freaking out! It's ridiculous! I can see S Florida freaking, but not up here yet. They show it going up the west coast and then turning into us. Ok, that scenario is scary, but they also show it going through the gulf to Alabama/Mississippi border. Or up the east coast and just brushing us. We won't have a good idea for a few more days, but we are preparing nonetheless, as there is another one right behind it. So much for a peaceful September!. I have all but 5 items done and ready. Still working on those 5. We need a little more info before we decide to bug out or not.
Dianarose has really been through the ringer lately. I am winging special prayers her way. Please let us know what happens with her.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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We took Emma to the Urologist today..they were blown away by the fact that she actually passed the kidney stone...her Drs are 2 hours away so I am tired tonight....first day of school tomorrow, they missed it today.
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Keetmom~ so happy that Emma passed the stones! That's a relief. I am sorry she missed the first day though of school, she'll be all ready and stone free Tomorrow! I am glad to hear you're all ok and I hope you get yourself some rest.! Claudia~ make sure you have all the supplies you need. I am glad to hear you're not right on the actual coast. I just hope the thing looses steam. Darn storms. Don't they get that people have illnesses? (Sarcasm Sheldon) for any Big Bang theory fans! I just hope everyone is ok! I am thinking about your pain. Hoping everyone has scans that are more than stable! Love you guys ! ~M~
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Good morning! We had some storms come in last night with some nickel sized hail. I hope the cars aren't dented. Crazy weather. I find it so odd that this summer wasn't even really all that hot here in the northeast. Barely had two weeks of over 90 degrees, but already have had two hurricanes that are destined for the US!! Wtf!? It was already a very rainy summer here and now it's over and here come the hurricanes.
I am debating getting my Hair colored again. I talked to my nurse about it and she said go ahead. Just try to have them use more natural ingredients! I don't know I'm so afraid of anything hurting my chances of staying stable! I don't eat soy, because a lot of it breaks down into estrogen into your body. So I don't even have that! Have any of you ladies colored your hair since? I had the aggressive chemo last year and my hair is big like Don King, when I wake up. No no socket is not needed. I already have that look going on!! I would love to have it straightened. I miss my old Body and hair so very much!! The saying you don't know what youve got until its gone .....poof magic gone ! Is so truthful! Love you guys ! ~M~
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Good morning! I agree with this northeast weather...very rainy summer. I hope this doesn't mean a lot of snow for the winter. Although this will be the first winter in 15 years that I won't have to deal with getting to work in the snow, I worry about my kids and everyone else. I get my hair colored every 6-8 weeks. I've done it for years, my onc never mentioned hair color. It makes me feel good, I'm all gray without it. I say go for it! I've been blessed that I have never lost my hair, have never had IV chemo, only hormonals and now Ibrance.
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Hi Lynn!! Good morning to you! I didn't even think about snow! I agree with you about hoping the snow isn't bad this winter either. I'd be happy with one 6inch storm, just to say we had snow this year. But as I get older and now with this MBC diagnosis, I don't even want to go out in either extreme heat or extreme cold. I don't like it at all. I was never afraid to drive in the snow. But now my kids are older and my DH drive in it, so I also am a worrier about arriving safely. If I am honest, all I pretty much do is worry about everything and everyone! I think I hold an associates in it for sure! I have to say how happy I am, that you were never tortured with loosing your hair. Some women were like oh well and it didn't seem to bother them as much. But I was 💔! My hair was long and straight, now it's curly curly. I don't like it really. But I realize I want it to stay strong. If I am constantly tugging at it and styling it, I do not want to damage it. I don't wash it a ton, I'm afraid to stress it out, like me!! Another rainy day, which ill take. I am worried about Florida!! I really hope that this storm does a major hook away from the US! Hope everyone enjoyed the Labor Day off with their sweet families. I know I did! If it wasn't for my sweet DH. I'd probably be talking to myself in some corner by now in the looney bin! Much love ~M~
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I am going to vent! I have to say, I love my
Kids so very much. I have stayed here for years so they could have their little lives. We had a deal that they would go to college and work parttime and pay some of their own bills while attending school. Every step of step of the way, I have had to beg plead, chase, threaten, just to go to school and get that degree before something happens to me. It's like talking to a wall. I have broken my ass, my DH continues to break his ass, by living far away during the week to work and coming here every weekend and dealing with even more, with my being sick. My daughter is slowly Getting it. But it has taken quite a lot, she's slowly maturing , but I also have stage four cancer. Albeit very stable at this point, but we all know that can always change. It's such a struggle. What I want more than anything is to sell this house and move with my DH into the final house. With the porch that I would very much like to sit on with him,like we have always planned. When do you choose that it's time, how can I know when enough sacrifice is enough.? We have been doing this now for 14 years. We are tired. My DH is 52. He's ready to have calm times with just him and I. Alone. His son is 16. But that is different. His x shares 50-50 of time and pays half of everything. My x is still paying back Child support, and they are 20 and 21. And lives in his mothers basement and he is 48. I am the one constant in their lives. The one who created a great blended family together. I just get so hurt when I don't feel like anyone cares about their future except me and my DH. How can they be so clueless? It makes me so sad sometimes that they can't see, everything that has been done for them. It really baffles me. Hope everyone is ok. I know Claudia you're in my thoughts with this storm. Love you all ~M~
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Hi everyone! I am flat out exhausted. I think everyone in this state has lost their minds! The store shelves were empty yesterday! We live in ne Florida, and people are acting like the apocalypse is happening tomorrow! They are criticizing the governor for making fuel trucks a priority, instead of water, bread and canned goods! The newscasters finally got on the radio and reminded people that they all have running water still! Then gave detailed ideas on how to store it! Its nuts! We are ready, I had let the dog food run a little low, and we never store an excessive amount of grain for the horses in summer, because in this heat and humidity it can turn bad quickly. Now they are taken care of so I can rest! Whew! We will make a final decision on bugging out tonight, but either way we are ready.
Micmel, I get my hair done Every 5-6 weeks! When it grew back after chemo I let it stay natural for awhile, then looked in the mirror one day and said I look older than I am, and I have gotten it done since. My personal opinion is that I want to feel good about how I look, as much as possible. My mo has never mentioned it. Check out my suggestion on bone mets thread and tell me what you think ok?
Keetmom, I am glad all is well with you and your family! I hope the rest of the week goes smoothly.
Mae, if you saw what is happening here, you would either laugh or pull your hair out! We used to live in sw fl on the water, and have never seen people freak out like this! OMG! I hope you are feeling good still!
Lynnwood, We are praying for one, if not two, hard freezes this winter. We have not had one for two winters now, and we need these bugs to die here! Between it being so wet and no freezes, this has been a miserable summer. We are overrun by bugs we don't normally have to deal with. Hopefully you will have a nice winter!
Hi Nan! We know that you are busy with your dd, I hope you are able to enjoy it all!
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Micmel-I don't know your situation at all-as few people really know all that goes into each of our decisions -so this is just generic advice. When I got my first diagnosis in 2012- my first thought was oh no! how will the children manage without me? My BS at the time said how old are they? I said 20 in college- she said they will be fine, they are grown. but, I knew that I was very involved in their lives (like our generation has been-so different than my parents who assumed we would figure it out and let us try) and that they were very dependent on me. I started to parent differently in some ways-when asked for advice, "oh- it sounds like you have some good choices" Trying to increase their reliance on themselves in case I wasn't going to be around long.
It is hard to put yourself first when you have kids-but, it is you who will keep you and DH well-kids are hard wired to put themselves first for a long time, that's how they survive. I was in a meeting at work and someone complained that they were getting burned out and someone else said-"it is your responsibility to keep yourself from burnout, not ours". I heard that life lesson loud and clear.
I also color my hair every 4 weeks
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bigbhome, I laughed at everyone here too, plenty of veggies but you couldn't find a frozen pizza to save your life. I guess Harvey really did a number on people cause I thought Floridians were immune to such jitters. That said, this is a cat 5, I hope everyone is smart and stays safe
Still feeling good here, yay!
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Nkb~welcome to our thread! We shoot around so many things here and share whatever is going on. I just have been really thinking about this for a good while now and it just is weighing on me. I agree completely that they rely on me. Absolutely without a doubt. That is really not by choice but just because their real father can't even find his way out of his own city, to put it mildly. It just happened, because I was the one constant in their lives. I want them to succeed and be healthy strong happy adults. That is why the degree was so important to us. Assurance for independence, and security. I agree with what you had said. I have to figure out what is enough for me and what I can and cannot do anymore with my illness. I really find living a life that is filled with as little stress and possible, before diagnosis, new need.I could balance the stress and manage everyone's relationships and make the blended family work. It works well thank god,but they don't hand you a booklet that says on this day they are declared independent! The last thing i would want is for the past 14 years to be for nothing, when I could have saved a hell of a lot of money and been down there years ago. Now I don't even know how long I really even have. It's such a hard topic for me. Thank you so much for sharing! Hope to see you again! Hugs and a 💐 To you! ~M~
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Claudia~Hi darling! Glad you're all ready to hunker down and be safe! Hope you managed to grab the frozen pizzas! I hope your hip has cooperated with you! I am sorry hubby has to go out of town on your MRI date. Timing of things sometimes sucks! Glad the horses have their feed and you feel better about that. I know how much you love them! Please be safe and if you can please check in. I'll be worrying, because I always do! It's the mother in me! I am sending good thoughts you have no damage or problems at all and it hooks away!
Mae~ you snuck in there again. So glad you're feeling good with your radiation. I am so glad that it's moving along and not causing you any discomfort. The clean up pretty much continuing out there? I saw pictures of people's things literally out front of their homes thrown out. That makes me feel sad for them. People work so hard for their homes. It's part of who we are. Mother Nature doesn't fool around. I'm just glad you're ok and done with it !
Much love you guys!
Keetmom~ how was the first day of school ?? Hoping to see some pics of Emma!!😊
Lynn~ looks like there are two more storms in the Atlantic, I remembered you said you were in the northeast as well. Looks like Jose and Katia is brewing are out there! Jose is the one that looks like our contender for us!! I am not on the shore coast or anything but we did have a terrible time with Sandy!! Entire fridge contents spoiled! I am sick of storms. Hope all is well with you! Hugs to all!! ~M~
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Good morning, I know one of our own, dear Lita has a tough day ahead of her. Actually just plain hard time ahead of her. I am sending good vibes and thoughts of understanding to her. I honestly want nothing more than the best for everyone fighting this awfulness. Also, thinking of Florida! Hope everyone is ok. Hugs! ~M~
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Claudia~ idea for Lita? And the candles ? Is that what you meant? I don't follow bone mets anymore. Too large. I seem to get lost in there lol I come here to be able To put my feelings someplace. If someone has the same feelings or needs to vent or say anything at all really. I'll be here. Love you guys ! ~M~
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Micmel, it's a way to share pictures with Lita, of us lighting or candles at the same time. I read everyone's posts and hope all is well. I will be a little better after the storm.
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Chicago~you doing ok? Haven't seen you in a little while. Thinking of you too and hope you're doing well!!~M~
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Mae, it is a zoo here! I think part of it is Harvey, but I think the majority is Matthew. That was only 11 mos ago and many are still rebuilding from that. The governor and other emergency management, are telling people that they don't have to leave the state, they just need to go somewhere safer, like a shelter, before it hits. So many are on the roads, they are making traffic a nightmare. They just started giving fuel trucks police escorts so they can get the fuel to gas stations, coast guard stations , military and our ships. While I applaud everyone for taking this seriously, I don't know where this panic is coming from. Usually, Floridians barely pay attention, much less panic! Oh well, my rant is over. I am just working on the small stuff today, like getting potted plants secure, stuff like that. I have wanted to bleach out the water tank in our rv for awhile now, this seems like a good time. There are 2 more hurricanes behind Irma! That's crazy!! I need a break from hurricane news! How is you have left? Are you feeling any fatigue yet? Let us know, ok.
Micmel, Dh and I did that for 7 years! After our trip out west last summer, I asked him to stop. By the end of November, he closed down his business and started another that keeps him home every night. He had wanted to stop for awhile, but I was so concerned with money I asked him not to. Boy, what an idiot I was! I can't speak for your kids and family, but what I will say to you is, hopefully, you have brought your kids up to be strong, independent adults, whether they are or not, is on them(except the 14yr old) at this point. We, as parents, cannot, and should not, stop them from trying and failing or succeeding on their own. Unfortunately, if you think back, most of you best life lessons were learned from your mistakes. As much as we love them and want to protect them, we are doing them a disservice by not setting them free! I will tell you that it is one of the hardest things you will ever do. Every time our son made a mistake or bad judgement, he knew we were here to listen, always, to bail out, never. Unless life threatening of course! Only you and your Dh can make that decision, but darn Micmel, life is short! When faced with tough choices, I have started asking myself 2 things. 1. In the grand scheme of things, does it matter? 2. If I died tomorrow, would it be something that I regretted doing, or not doing?
I think life is to be lived exuberabtly and joyfully! I took a page out of Litas book and weeded a little today! I forgot how much frustration that gets rid of! Plus its finally below 90 degrees here! My son bought me an outdoor bonsai tree, and I'm telling you, I fear for its life! I keep forgetting to water it!
I hope everyone is having a pain free, great day!
Hugs
Claudia
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Hi Micmel-Thanks for checking on me. I've been fine-just had a few busy days with caring for my mom, cleaning and a little volunteer work. I went to my first yoga class since diagnosis last Saturday-it was a class for those recovering from cancer and it was great! The teacher kept me in restorative poses and worked on some of the gross asymmetries that developed when my left side was so full of fluid and tumors. I am going back for a week at the end of the month to be a "student subject" for teachers studying yoga therapy and am looking forward to it.
I am not a parent so take my advice for what its worth. But I think it is time for you and DH to move forward in the ways that would make you two the happiest. You can give your kids fair warning but It would be nice if you and your husband could live together in the house that you want, rather than putting everything on hold. I know you will figure it out.
Mae and BigBhome-Thanks for the updates on the hurricane situations. Sounds so stressful.
Keetmom-Hope Emma had a good start to the school year.
Peace.
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Chicago~So glad all is well with you. I am hoping your mother is doing ok, I know that with my mother I have some issues as well because she lives in Mississippi and doesn't walk too well.she fell and broke her arm in like 3 places and I was going through my heavy chemo. I was not able to travel so I felt really upset. Still do, although we would be the blind leading the blind. I will add your mom to my good thoughts and hopefulness that she will be good. I also have a chance to take some yoga at the hospital. I just haven't done it. I always feel so tired, we have been cleaning the basement, getting rid of so much crap, don't know where it all comes from. Just piles of things. Then you blink and it's back. That has been taking up my energy. But you have peaked my interest! So glad to see you ! Hugs and hugs !
Claudia~ wow. I am really hoping this darn storm does a hook upward and away. I know it doesn't look like it. But everyone is still battling recoveries from Harvey!! I can't imagine everything you're doing to prepare for all of this. Its quite scary. I am glad you're not being evacuated. One of my childhood best friend lives in the keys and has been evacuated! He has to get out and stay out. So scary. All I want is for everyone to be ok! Hope your hip isn't giving you any trouble! I'll be happy to light a candle for dear Lita. I mean who doesn't adore Lita!! She is quite a strong woman! You all are. I hope you'll be able To let us know that you're ok and safely out of the storm. I'll be sending thoughts your way and good vibes. I'll be checking for you!!
Keetmom 💕 Hope all is well!
Nan~Miss you! Hope you're feeling ok! We miss you. 💕
Mae~radiation number ?? You mentioned no side effects, hope that is still the case, you continue to amaze me darling! Hugs!!
I am seeing my palliative care doctor on Monday and havemy meds tweaked and reviewed If need be. I was put on Effexor and it's helped tremendously with my heat flashes. I was told it was an antidepressant, which I am ok with because it's low dose. It's really Helping with both issues. So I recommend palliative care doctors! She's amazing. Much love!! ❤️~M~
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Good morning~Has anyone been put on effexor before? I am just wondering how you did on it? Was there any side effects? How long were or are you on it? What mg? Has anyone been put on anti depressants? I really haven't been on them before and I am wondering how long it might take to feel the real quality that this medicine may bring me!! I need the lessening of heat flashes. Also, the anti depressants would be a good addition to my daily regimen!! Hope everyone had a restful sleep!! Happy Friday to all! Bug 🐜 🐜 off Irma,Jose! Be safe everyone. Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I am on 225mg Effexor, and have been on it for past 5 years. It definitely helps with hot flashes and depression. One thing to consider though, if you want, or need, to come of it, you will need professional help. I wanted to get off and Mo explained risks and definitely doesn't think it's worth it. After reading up on it, and talking to him, we don't either. That doesn't mean you should not take it, that is something to keep in mind. I do well on it.
Irma has just gone to worse case scenario for us. Where she is passing, she will be spinning off lots of tornados in our area. This was our biggest fear, and unless she moves again, that is what will happen. Please keep everyone in your prayers.
On a more positive note, the butterflies and hummingbirds are out everywhere! If I can get some good pictures, I will share! I'm going to put new food out for the hummingbirds. I saw a good size one out this morning. The butterflies are all in the bottle brush bushes, they love those red blooms! We have a couple of hydrangeas blooming also, they like!
Well, back to hurricane prep and waiting for11a.m. update.
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Claudia, I am praying for you and for all who are in the path of the fierce storm. Please stay safe. Don't take any unnecessary chances. We have not yet learned how to harness the strength of storms, but I do believe in the power of prayer.
Big hugs from, Lynne
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Claudia~Hello beautiful, I am sending all the strength and good vibes I can muster, I am following the storm also and am in your corner here hoping and hoping it won't bother your or your area. Also, for everyone else as well. You're such a good woman. You don't need any of this crap! Now on to the lesser important issues, I am only on 32.7 mg I believe is the lowest dose. We are looking at it again in a month to see if it's helping. I already see help with heat flashes,almost immediately. I am however concerned with coming off , but then I think, well you will always have cancer, and the worries that come along with it all, so maybe I won't ever want to come off of it. Thank you for your advice and experience with this medicine. It's a new one for me. When I was first diagnosed, I think I googled way too much. Would end up feeling worse than when I started with fear, now I just don't add to the obvious stressors.
Lynne~ hello there! Nice to see your sweet self here! I haven't seen you in a long time now. I haven't been on the other threads. I seem to get lost there. Hope you'll come around and let us see your shining face!! Hope everything is well with you and your family. Big hugs to you !! ~M~
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It has Been such a crazy few weeks, between Harvey attacking Texas, and now this crap with Irma and Florida! Who knows what Jose will do. I wrote a little while back that I was facing a choice with my kids and seeing if I could decide when the best time would be to not say cut the cord, not ever, but when will I know that I have given my all, in doing what I can to raise them.? I don't know why, but sometimes it seems like before you're diagnosed, people were actually nice and involved in my life. Not my DH, because with out him and his love, I don't know where I would be. To an extent my kids, do they really understand still after all this time ? Has it sunk in yet ? His much time can they possibly need, knowing that. I have no idea how much time I have left. I would think that knowing that your closest person in your life has such an illness, that they would spring into action and help. Not so much. I have to literally beg them to do their own things. Their own stuff. I don't have the energy anymore to chase after them to do what they already knows needs to be done. I don't understand why it feels like everyone else seems to be slipping away from me and I am the one who is sick. I never raised them to be clueless selfish kids. Maybe its denial. I know that goes around a lot with cancer. But come on 21 months into this and still denial. What is a reasonable cut off for them? A year? Six months? Ugh! Hope all is safe! I realize I could be just talking to myself. But that is ok! Getting it out is half the battle for me ! ~M~
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Good morning Micmel! I am Mom to 3 young men and get what you are saying. My sons are 34 ( autistic) 28 and 25. Of course my oldest son will always need a lot of direction and supervision. My middle son is on his own, he needed a little push should we say to go out on his own but once he did he's doing fantastic! I think it's sometimes more comfortable to stay home for them. My youngest has a goal to be on his own within a year. He and his girlfriend are actively saving for an apartment. As far as cancer goes, I think that either they just don't get it or they just don't want to deal with it. As much as I've tried to prepare them they are still saying I will be fine. I will say that they are helpful and considerate with whatever I need need
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Lynn~ good morning darling! I like the idea of then being on their own! The reason for keeping two homes, was to make sure they got their education without a mountain of debt. I have to battle everyday to get them to even wash their own clothing. That may be my fault. I just used to do it, I was a stay at home mom for most of their lives. I also sliced every problem possible. Part of it I believe nownwas guilt over my divorcing their father, and he was never involved in their lives much once it was final. I ended up loosing people in my family over it. My father, one sister and a brother. They chose my x. He told pretty good stories and people believed him. I never told my story, just kept to myself, never said a bad word about him. I was always the a bad guy. Now fast forward 14 years and my son is the toughest. He just has no motivation to help here in his own house. If one of his friends asks for a favor. 💥 💥 boom. He's off and running, first inline to lend assistance, if it's our home. Forget it. I have to beg, threaten , or whatever. Since I'm being so honest about it. I sometimes even do the item myself to prevent further problems down the road. I realize to a fault that I have enabled them. I always worried since their father payed no attention to them. I have been over compensating, out of guilt. I plan to make some changes. But adding a diagnosis such a this makes me weak. Both in spirit and physical being. This disease takes so much from us, even changes our closest relationships and we don't even know why. Hugs and much love ~M~. Be safe Lynn. Thanks for checking in. It means a lot.
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ok to burn off this stress I just mowed my lawn. I put on my head phones and pushed that mower. I'm sure I'll be sorry later and I am done for the day. But it still felt good. Haven't mowed my lawn in years!! Have a good Saturday ladies. Hope you're moving alongtoo. Feels real good!! ~M~
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Good morning, Micmel-Good for you for mowing the lawn! It does feel so good to be able to do strenuous chores again. Now you can kick back and read a good book. I would let other peoples' laundry pile up if it won't be too stressful for you
. I'm going back to the yoga for cancer class today.Claudia-Thinking of you today-praying for peace and safety in the midst of the storm.
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Morning all, got up, took a 40 minute walk around the neighborhood, had breakfast and coffee and will start on dishes soon.
In medical news, I only have two more weeks of rads and only minor finger joint stiffness from tamoxifen. Next scans will be in late November, just after the one year post dx mark.
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Morning all...busy first day of school here..will share a first day of school picture...Emma is the bigger one, Delaney is my middle DD she has a genetic disorder called Cornelia de Lange syndrome, she is non verbal...but is the calming force of our house.
Claudia-hope you are safe, it looks scary..we are watching closely as my DH best friend is in Fort Lauderdale and didn't evacuate because of the gas.
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Keetmom- love the picture, the light is beautiful there. First day of school was always so exciting
Micmel- I think that what you are going through is very common-every family has some variation of how to grow up kids. I think for us the old plan of kids leave home at 18 and are on their own and make a go of it etc doesn't work well anymore. A lot of it is the super high cost of living-rent was $50-$100 per month with a Roomate when I left home, now it's thousands of dollars. College costs so much money and if you end up in tremendous debt from it, then your whole life is changed trying to pay off college debt instead of buy a house, or get married or have kids. You will have to let go of some outcomes and standards for them to get independent. I stopped doing my kids laundry when they were 10 and my son announced that he wanted to wear the same shirt everyday. It's true I had to share my washing machine and dryer with them-and they were rough on them-but, whether they had clean clothes or not was their problem now. They made their own lunches from 2nd grade. when the school called and said they didn't bring enough food for lunch- I said talk to them, they make their lunches- the food is available. I did let them get away with some stuff because they went to an extremely academic high school and had hours of homework every night and I wanted to "enable" them to do it. But, I had a friend who did so much for her kids that they were afraid to make a phone call to a business or even go into a 7/11 to pick up a few things on the way home! That story was a lesson to me.
Yours is more complicated by the divorce of course, taking the high road as you did is the right thing. I took walks with friends and asked them how they were dealing with the various growing up issues and we really are in a whole new era without the usual guidelines. Our kids are all different and each need a different roadmap- some need a lot of help, others less and we need to navigate this. I do know that me yelling, begging or whining didn't do much. I don't know the age of your kids or what they are capable of-but helping them to independence is a good thing usually. When my daughter was in college she said their were parents who came every weekend, cleaned their kids apartments, washed their clothes, cooked a lot of food for them-she was appalled !
It's hard to get a little selfish when you are a mom, but, you seem to be building up a lot of resentment which is not good for you. Do what you and your husband want to do, support your decisions, use your active voice, give them a little notice of your plans and move ahead. I wouldn't use cancer as your reason, I would use this is what dad and I are going to do now. Good Luck- it's hard!
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Nkb~I thought as they got older,it would get easier. Sometimes I think it's harder. Certainly more costly, but then again what isn't more expensive, then when I was growing up. Even rent is crazy. I want nothing more than to have them get their education. So I know that when something happens to me, they will be able to be ok with their families. No debts. Paid education. I am leaning towards a goal to where they will be saving money and preparing to eventually move. Go to college and it gets a little more flexible. I don't do their laundry. Haven't for a while. Lol at the same shirt. Know it well. Thank you for the thoughts. It does help.
Keetmom~ look at the lovely school girls! Looks like they went on a preparation shopping spree for school supplies! I am so happy they are doing well. Beautiful children, beautiful family. Hope mom is also holding her own. Busy as she is! Amazes me.
Mae~ almost done the radiation. Wow! Time flys. Sounds like you've had a busy morning already. I wonder how Many steps you have already logged in! Is the clean up complete?
Chicago ~ you have inspired me to contact the hospital to check to see if they have a program. I think they do. I hope I can get into one. Although I might fall over. I did mow the lawn. The slope was a challenge for sure. But I did it. I am thrilled that the weather is changing to cooler. I am going to try to start my walking again. I had forgotten how much I miss music.
How is your mom doing ? I hope all is well. Hugs to you.
Claudia~ thinking about you. Hoping the storm continues to change direction and strength! We are sending good thoughts and much love to you and your DH and horses. I will be checking for you. Hope you don't loose your power.... thinking of you !
Nan~ love you darling. Miss your shining face here! Think of you often!
Lynn~ hope you're having a good Saturday. I was thinking they should give us moms a handbook when their kids are born. Saying If this happens... do this... or if that happens..... do that!! Hugs!
Much love! 💕 ~M~
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Micmel, everything is done, just need to run some errands, I'm at 7,407 steps so far and I'll easily make my goal of 8,000 today.
Jumping in to the discussion here and while I'm not a parent, I am a kid (in my head I'm still 21). My parents grew up with rules and chores, so we had none. My older brother took full advantage of being momma's boy and lived w/my parents his entire 48 years so far, except for about 3 years when he dated his ex wife (dumbest person I've ever met!) and when they and their two sons lived with me. I on the other hand Iwas out at 18, back briefly after being laid off, then gone for good. I think it's more personality than how you raise the kids, some people just don't enjoy doing things for themselves. One the surface though, I might be seen as a brat. I raised myself and hope my parents saved money for a home when the time comes because they are on their own.
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Mae~ I knew you would be already close to that step goal. I enjoyed my lawn mowing, even though I am a little sore at the moment. I'll give you an example. Little but, huge in my book. I just recently tooK some of my inheritance to recarpet the entire house, a huge project and extremely expensive, during my heaviest chemo time period. The rule was no shoes on the carpet. So my DH installed a shoe rack In The garage for everyone to put their shoes on. It's not a long walk to the rack. You would think it was located in Montana. I just can't get my son to put the shoes there. You hit the nail on the head, he doesn't like to do things on his own. I AM truly terrified that he will become like his real father, whom at age 48 is still living in his mothers basement, has no ability to substain any relationship whatsoever. That is why I am trying to break him now. My DD is working full time and has her own started up catering business. She works at on the side. Although, I call her my princess without a country, she is at least a little more motivated. For someone who isn't a parent. You sure did hit some very truthful facts! So glad the clean up is over for you guys. Now let's hope Claudia is doing ok. I'm a worry wart!! Much love and thanks ~M~ I'm sure by the end of the day your steps will be close to 10k Go Mae~
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Micmel - We are in the hurry up and wait stage now. We're ready though. Dh and I were both brought up strictly, so we brought our ds up fairly strict. He had chores and if they weren't done, there were consequences. Education was very important to us. He went to private schools, and college wasn't a choice, it was mandatory. I'll never forget when he got his first paycheck and wanted to know who the he'll was fica and where did they get off taking his hard earned money! We laughed so hard! He was expected to maintain good grades, do his chores and obey his curfew...infractions brought on consequences. It sounds harsh, but we had many fun times together as a family and when he went off to college, I was lost. He and I spent most Saturdays together running errands and cleaning house, with the stereo cranked up, singing and dancing! I miss those days! When he came home from college for Thanksgiving and begged us to come home, it broke my heart to say no. We did tell him, if he still wanted to at the end of the year, he could. By then, he was enjoying his independence! He was astonished by how many students did not know how to do their laundry or cook. He thanked me for teaching him.
I agree with Bob. Give them a time frame, and then go do what's best for you and dh.
Mae, you rock!
Keetmom, precious girls! Glad all is well!
Chicagoan, I love my bc yoga class! Ask them about yoga nidra. It helps relax your mind and body!
Lynne, glad you are doing well. There has been lots of good news this week!
Nan, Thinking of you always!
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Claudia~so glad to see you here. I know that the storm is starting to heat up and make land soon. I've been following the news and hoping that it just fizzles out, since been over so much land already. Geeze go away.
I wasn't very strict with my kids I'll admit it. But I didn't allow them to disrespect people or anyone. I've taught them to work hard. They have held jobs since they have been 16 and never have been without one. They worked at their first jobs for four years straight, did really well. I know they know what to do. I think it goes back to what Mae said. They don't want o do things for themselves. It's just easier. They have chores. It's like a big deal to get them to do it on the day they know it's supposed to be done. In their minds. Oh. It's going to get done! No big deal... I'm negative! Since my diagnosis my kids have told me I am negative, I try to explain to them , that I have become more honest with my feelings, not negativeness. I'm just not taking any shit!! I am done powdering asses! It's time to grow up little birds!!!
The other thing that takes up a lot of time and energy is the dogs. I am the one who always is with them taking care of them, my biggest dog is 95 lbs....the little one, is 65 lbs. keeping them in line is becoming a lot of work. He's a hound dog and he wants to hunt, he needs a job. I'm going to be checking on you and I am sending good vibes and thoughts always. Much love ~M~
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Good morning! I can't believe that it Is 48 here waking up. We had a cool summer this year. I actually was chilly, who am I?? I am always hot from these heat flashes. Effexor has helped. I am concerned about the weaning off portion though. I don't like withdrawal issues of any kind. The relief of twenty heat flashes a day seems to make it worth it for me. I know Claudia takes and It really helps her.....I Am sending good vibes to you all in Florida. My best friends home and business Is on the keys. He is freaking out. I fear for all of his possessions and his lively hood. Damn storm.
I am going to venture Into the basement. To continue our cleaning feat!! I feel like since diagnosis I have been feeling like I am nesting, keeping important things and anything that isn't goes. Ba. Bye!! The rule is. You want it for your kids, then box it up , if you haven't used it in a complete year. You're not going to use it. All the seasons have passed. My daughter has more clothing than a Marshalls!! I just have this fear of something happening to me and my sweet DH, would have to be alone sorting through everything we have in this house. I could not bear for that to happen. Dealing with the loss would be enough way enough. Closets are done, all my things are sorted, And the basement is the last thing to tackle. And ugh! So much shit accumulated and I don't know where it even came from. My son has a car parts factory down there and I'm sick of shit just lying around. I wake up this morning and there low and behold, my sons shoes are NOT on the freaking shoe rack. I gotta say. AHHHHHHHHH GET A FREAKING CLUE!! maybe I should hide them!! Or send him directions through google map to the shoe rack in the garage!! 😡
Claudia ~ much love and thoughts for safely riding this thing out. Hugs my friend.
Have a good Sunday everyone.
Chicago
Mae
Lynn
Keetmom
Nan
Nkb
Much love to all!
~M~
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I'm doing well, I'm fueled up with coffee and breakfast and ready for the day. Today I need to get an oil change, do some light housekeeping and prepare for Sunday night dinner and TV with friends. I have two couples come over every Sunday, tonight I'm making crunchy onion chicken with mashed potatoes and corn and we just finished Game of Thrones, now on to American Horror Story, then the Walking Dead. We've been doing the Sunday night thing for many years (it all started with the show 24) and it keeps me normal and feeds my friends who either don't cook or are too broke to make good meals.
Hope all is well with you ladies and hoping for the best for everyone in Irma's path.
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Oh ladies how I have needed to read all your stories and tales of love and life. I've been feeling washed up on the shore since hearing of progression a few weeks ago. I seemed to cope with my first mets DX but this felt like a massive slap in the face and that rug being wrenched away from once my steady feet. Now reading through this thread I feel the warmth and reality of life and I must say though life is hard you have shown me it's good to be real and honest. I have a wonderful DH, who though is an engineer and always wanting to fix things, is learning to be softer and to cope with our situation. My two lovely sons have just gone off to college. My 20 year old is a returning junior at UDUB Seattle my 18 year old is a freashman in Boston. Empty nesters at last! I'm really enjoying their new life and adventures, so proud to have such independent yet home loving boys. But, how it breaks my heart to think of not being here for them and their Dad. We text all the time either individually or in our family group so our empty nest doesn't feel too quiet. So DH and I are throwing ourselves into a pool refurb and landscaping project and I am trying not to get obsessed with feeling I'm not going to be here to see it finish let alone to enjoy the results. Though tears have come from reading your stories I wanted to let you know it's given me stength to face ano day.
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Scwilly~ Hi darling! Welcome to our thread! We have such affection and strength that we share here for each other. We like to call it our little pub. I hope you'll become a part of it and share whatever family thoughts or feeling or issues you may have. I am so sorry to hear of your progression. I am going to add you to my good vibes and thoughts of strength. It is such a hard thing to deal with. Inside it just tears me up that so many good women suffer with this crap. I hope you know that love you and your DH have Is so special and kind. My DH Is also the gruff mister mcgruff. He has also softened and has become more tolerant and kind. I don't think I could live without his love and strength. I am truly in awe of him even after 14 years. The love of my life. My kids are driving me to drink currently! Arggggg. Empty nest kinda sounds good for me right now! Welcome to our thread. I hope you'll become a part of our little family and let us help you through some days. Like they have for me. Big hugs to you darling. I love the fact that you have also found your person! It makes the world go around. Love does. It's the reason we fight this crappie disease. Oh and you will be around for a long time honey. It's like whack a mole. You keep whacking !! Lean on us!
Mae~. Omg. I am now watching Game of Thrones!! I am on season five episode four. I am hooked beyond hooked. When I started people used to tell me, "don't like any character". Ugh! They were correct. But my favorite Jon Snow. Awesome character. Rugged and very good actor. I can't get enough. The sexscenes are certainly flowing. I have to say I have to gasp at how skinny these women are. This being said from someone who has one boob and feels like the holiday ham lately! I have also watched every season of American Horror!! Love them very much also. I think your Sunday friends visits are so healthy!! I try to see my bgf every month. I find it therapeutic to just have that girlfriend laughter from way before I ever even uttered the word cancer. Have a blast. Sounds like a great meal too. What time should I arrive.?? 😍
Claudia. Thinking of you and love you lots. Be safe my friend. Sending thoughts and good vibes your way.
Much love to all ~M~
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Thank you for your heartfelt welcome M, and being English I love a good Pub!
DH and I have just last weekend finished Game of Thrones. We only started this summer, binge watching 1-3 episodes a week, and boy do we miss it. Enjoy - it's a fabulous series with such great storylines, script and talent from those actors. It's a little bit 'flighty' and full of nudes but so worth watching in my opinion. We are now on the lookout for a new series just watched episode 1 of Westworld and I'm not convinced it's for me yet.
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I am totally enjoying the series. I don't want to watch too many though, then it would be over !!! Have you ever heard of shameless? It's a showtime original. Fabulous show. It's about a family whose parents are in no way parents and they go through so much problems and crazy stuff. It's a great show. I was hooked also and binged watched that before Game of thrones!! Also, breaking bad!! Great series as well. The only thing that for me with that one, was the main character had lung cancer In the show! But the way the show highlighted the reason behind what He does is jaw dropping. Once again scwilly, welcome to my little slice of home. Anything can be said. Any feeling is important. I wanted this thread to be supportive, a real life. Other than always discussingside effects or cancer cancer cancer. We know it messes with us, but we can build strong friendships and community here. While we actually live life here too. The good part of life. Big hugs! ~M~
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Good afternoon everyone! Welcome scwilly! Pull up a chair. MBC is like a crazy roller coaster ride! But it's doable! Congrats on your boys, you must be so proud! Your projects sound like fun, and of course you will see them finished! So far this year, we have put in a swimming pool and deck. We have started construction on a shop/ barn. Nobody is going to stop me from seeing them completed! We also are adding a roof over our back deck and screening it all in! Dh is doing all work in between his jobs, so it's taking awhile, but I will see it done! Also, try the last ship, we are hooked!
Micmel, I would hide them, then when you finally give them back, tell him next time they go in the trash. That will teach him. You will only have to do it once, oh and you do not replace them. That is on him. I think we might need a bigger table in our pub! Ain't it grand!
Mae - Your dinner sounds great! I would like to be there also, unfortunately, our raft doesn't have a motor, so it would take me a week to there! Enjoy!
We are still waiting for that stupid hurricane to show up. Once we lose power, we will lose WiFi too. Don't worry, we will be fine. Sending lots of love, hugs and prayers to everyone!
Claudia
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I love Shameless! I also recommend Preacher on AMC. Dinner is served at 7 pm
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I'll be there! Lol it might take me a week. But I'll do it. Lol. Enjoy your dinner. Claudia. Be safe. Love you guys a ton. Shameless is awesome as well !! We like the same shows it seems. I brought out some brand new stools. As many as needed !! Hugs to everyone happy Sunday. My thoughts are with the storm and hoping it just goes away!! Much love ~M~
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That is how I felt in my basement. Holy Hannah. None of the crap is mine. I listened to music, I have been too sad since diagnosis. I figure I'm taking these three months and making good use of them. It's like a ticket for three months to actually live My life. Since I don't have to report to the hospital or oncologist until mid November! No blood work, nothing I have to say I am thrilled about that. That alone is a gift. But of course he will want a scan then. Yuck! But I feel great. No pain. None at all. Today I even danced a little with DD in the basement. It was fun, we laughed and sang. I was lifting boxes and moving things. I am achey but that's about it, I know that my stamina has gone down but IHaven't felt like that In a long time. Cancer. We aren't going down without a big ole fight!! Hugs and much love ~M~0 -
We have had tv on watching the hurricane all weekend...SO worried about the Keys, we visited this past Jan and really enjoyed it. Now watching the Packer game...
Scan on Wed and results on Thursday, feeling pretty good, but still a bit concerned,
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Keetmom~ hi darling! I enjoy football also! But my team always stresses me out lol they never really win anything at all. But I try to be a loyal fan. I do like the packers as well. Always have. My mother has hammered that into me. Now to the important topic. Your scan. Imagine all of us standing next to you when you're going into the scan. Imagine us all making faces at you and sending all the strength possible, and good thoughts and vibes I can send!!! I understand completely how you're feeling and I'm sorry sweetheart , I'm sorry that any of us go through this. I have learned from my body , that if I feel good, my bloodwork and scan usually show that same pattern. I am hoping to hope that we all have good scans! I'll be thinking of you! As always. Hug Emma and Dapheny! For me please ! Hugs to you too! Enjoy the game! First week of school in the books already.
Scwilly~ I am sending you thoughts as well, I know you had some progression, but let's focus on the next line to knock it back and keep you stable again. That's my honest wish for you! Sending you hugs and I'll be adding you to my good thoughts list! Again... welcome.
Much love all.
Claudia. Thinking of you all and the storm. Waiting till it's over with you. Hugs friend.
Mae~ never heard of preacher! Duly noted! I have a feeling I will like it,since we have so far liked everything the same. Most people though if they have seen it, they like it. Game of thrones that is!! Awesome ! Jon Snow! Who was your favorite Mae? Anyone. Khalisee is beautiful!! Love her too! And Tyrian! Such a great actor. Gonna watch another real soon. Hooked ! Hugs Mae enjoy your time with your friends!
~M~
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Rootin' for you keetmom, scans are tough, even when you feel confident
Micmel, Preacher is in its 2nd season but hopefully you can find season one online or on cable, it's totally worth it. My GoT fav's are Tyrian, Daenerys and Aria. Also, glad to hear you've been feeling so good lately, I hate seeing so many of us in pain.
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This candle is for Lita. I am hoping you get relief from your pain and I hope you feel everyone's love from here! Thinking of you! ~M~ I am also posting it for Claudia just in case she doesn't have internet. She was way on board tonight with the candle lighting before this storm! Much love to all! Hugs ~M~0 -
Mae~I am going to look into it. I'll take your word and figure out where to find it. I didn't even want to try to butcher khalisees other name. Lol. The pronunciation gets me with a lot of those names. Like cerasi. She's the devil. But also an excellent actress and yes aurya. (Spelling geeze) i am also fond of Jamie Lanister and Sansa! I'm going to watch another episode right now. Have a great time tonight, you have lucky friends. Hugs and much love to all. ~M~ Oh and then there is little finger !! Oh I could go on and on. Sam..... Briean? The huge woman who can sword fight like a man!! Someone stop me. Lol.
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Geeze~ that storm looks like it really battered Florida, I am sending out vibes and good thoughts to our sister Claudia in hopes it wasn't as bad as they had said, like in the islands. That looks like total devastation! So scary for those people. I am also hoping my childhood best friends home and business was spared!
Here is hoping for good scan results, I know Keetmom has a scan on Wednesday, I am with you! In spirit and thoughts. And to nother week of trying to be pain free! Good results vibes going out to anyone who may need Them. Looks like some rain will be on tap, I'll take it, as long and it gets away from Florida and Texas! Enough!
I stayed up until midnight watching Game of thrones. Ugh! Now I am very tired! I have a palliative care doctors appointment today and then no appointments until mid November. I may need a nap after my venture out and to the pharmacy with my mountain of prescriptions that I will need filled, I often wonder what they must think when they fill all of these medicines for me! I counted that every day I take like 14 pills. I think that is way enough for me! I'm gong to speak to to her today and ask about the Effexor and what I need to know about it , doseages and what is or isn't good!
I hope everyone has a good morning! Thinking of all of you and sending hugs and good vibes! Much love ~M
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That's how I feel at the doctors offices and appointments! All done and back with my many many prescriptions in hand for the next three months. I really think that I feel like cattle waiting to go in the barn for my feed. Everyone packs in the place sees the doctor and then goes on about their lives, it's quite enormous the amount of people going into the cancer center! Much love to all ~M~0 -
Micmell, we are safe. Thank you for including me in your candle light for Lita. Please tell her I'm sorry. We have no power, limited internet access, so if you don't here from me for awhile, that's why. Our clean up is overwhelming at this point, but we will get it done. I found something as scary as mbc. Thank God it doesn't last as long! We have a lot to be thankful for!
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Please pray for our state!
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Claudia~ I am so happy to see your name here. Been a quiet posting day. But all worth monitoring just to see you here. Thank goodness. I am sending all of my strength and good thoughts for Florida and each and every person dealing with this aftermath. I am just thankful you and your family are ok! Wrapping with you huge hugs. Much love my friend. One day at a time. I remember how scary Sandy was. Sounded like a freight train the wind did! Thank you so much for letting Us know you're alright. As alright as you can be, dealing with this. Be safe! Much love ~M~
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Claudia - thinking of you in Florida. I do hope your cleanup is not too arduous and you have managed to escape any big damage. My friends in Orlando managed to have only a little damage.
So today I have booked my son to come down next week from Seattle before his college starts the following week. So we will have a few extra days together. I was going to go for a quick trip but I really can't face travel until I have sort out these darn side effects. Today is a happy day!
Hugs to all!
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Good morning Scwilly~how awesome is that, that your DS is coming for a visit. I know how special that time to share is. I hope that you spend your time with him making many memories that you will cherish. There is nothing stronger than a families love and bond, even when they are being stinkers, like mine are now. My DS especially is giving me a run for my money. I am sorry to hear that you're struggling with side effects. This is hard enough, without having that constant reminder of annoying side effects. I hope that you can still do some things with your family. I know after my tough chemo. I didn't want to even go to the porch. I'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts and happiness for your time together ! Big hugs ~M~
Mae~ was this preacher on a cable channel? Or did you mention AMC? How many seasons are there? I am going to check Hulu! Hope rads are still cooperating.! Thinking of you.
Chicago ~ you doing ok ? Hope the hiking is easier with this cooler weather coming in. I mowed my lawn the other day. The physical activity was very welcomed. Although my body was like. Okay lady. What the hell are you doing ? Hugs to you !
Keetmom~ good scan Wednesday, thinking of you. Hoping for great results my friend!! Hugs to the little ones..
Claudia~ thinking about you and everyone in Florida, we will be waiting for you, hope the cleanup goes smoothly and quickly. Hope your power is back really soon. Hugs my friend.
Nan~ big day Friday. Mama of the bride. So beautiful you are sweetheart, can't wait to hear about it all.
Lynn~ you doing ok also? Hope everything is ok with you and yours! Loving this cooler weather In the north east. Yesterday a little warm. But loved the cool weekend. Want more of those temps!! Hugs to you !
Didn't sleep too great last night. Dogs had to go out. Ugh! That is like a full time job in itself. Up and down. Walk. Click click of their nails on the floor. Drink water. Walk around some more, thump down on the floor when they. lay down. Jingle of collar,Whining for food at 7:00. I really would love it to sleep until 900 with these dogs. lol boy do I live in a dream world!! Much love to you all. 💕 ~M~
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Good morning to all! Hanging in there, busy week this week! Dentist appointment, XGEVA shot, 2 physical therapy appointments and appointment this morning to get new mastectomy bras and an new prosthesis. On Monday and Thursday I volunteer at a cat rescue so trying to squeeze it all in. Loving this cooler weather in Pennsylvania! Hope you all have a great day! I read everyday even if I don't post much.
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Claudia, I have been praying for everyone in Florida. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for people who have seen so much of there lives upended and their homes destroyed. Rebuilding will take time. Feeling completely safe again will likely take even longer. I am glad you are safe. That, of course, is the most important thing that everyone needs to remember. Lives cannot be replaced.
Micmel, i don't post here often, but I read your posts about your frustration with your children. Alas, that journey into adulthood can be so challenging to the parents! My children are all grown now. I do remember moments that might give you some hope that you are appreciated and are doing the right thing. When we dropped my oldest son at college, his new roommate's mother said she was taking her son downstairs to show him how to use the washer and dryer. My son gave me a shocked expression and later said he was glad I had prepared him for college and at least he knew how to wash his own clothes. I laughed, remembering how he had grumbled about doing his own laundry. When son number 2 came home from Christmas break during his freshman year, he thanked me for having rules and setting boundaries when he was growing up even though he didn't like them at the time. He said that his good foundation served him well as he saw others step over the line and get involved in things that were risky or just plain dumb. It was like a mother's best dream - my teenaged son thanked me for being that mean mom he had complained about for years! Don't get me wrong. My sons were not perfect, they were just normal adolescents, but it was good to know that my DH and I did some things right. So take heart. Things will click with your kids eventually. As I said, mine are all adults now and they are off on their own, but they step in to help when we need it.
Scwilly, Enjoy your time with your son.
Lynwood, I have a dentist appt this week, too. I love the way my teeth feel right after they have been cleaned. Is it weird to enjoy my time with my dental hygienist? She is great!
Nothing exciting planned for this week, I will do some babysitting for two of my granddaughters, ages 1 1/2 and 3, plan to do some sewing if my back can take it, and want to start cutting back some of the plants in my gardens.Fall has arrived.
I hope everyone has a good day.
Hugs, Lynne
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Lynn~ I agree with the weather. Loving that so much. Just woke up from a long long nap. As awake too late the past few nights. Now it's shower time. Ugh! I love that you volunteer with the animals, that's pretty darn awesome. I feel like dealing with my dogs every day, all day makes me exhausted in itself. How many days a week do you volunteer? I worry about all those precious animals, in Texas and in Florida. So sad for everyone, but the animals can't speak up or ask for food and water. They are helpless in all of this. When Harvey hit Texas, I saw photos of cattle just lying in the streets, many horses did not seem to make it. Makes me angry and sad. But who can you blame.? Just like our cancers? Who do you blame ??
Glad to see you and that all is well.!!
Lynne~ so nice to see you here again, I hope you will come join us, whenever you may want.... I enjoy the closeness we have built here. My kids. Ahhh yes. That challenging age they seem to be in. It's really frustrating, I'm waiting so patiently for the light bulb to go off. I keep trying and trying to teach them, I keep trying and trying to explain what the bigger picture looks like. Ever since my diagnosis, he's pulled back somewhat. I don't know if it's denial. But I adore him, it makes my heart hurt. But I can't solve everything that comes along even though I may want too. Thank you for sharing. It does help to know, that there will come a time when it will click. I just need it to be like now! My cancer has moved things along. At a faster pace then we ever imagined. It's like running a race. For independence!! Big hugs. To you. Hope to see you back here again! Big hugs ~M~
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oh and Lynne~ I am thrilled you spend time with your grandchildren, family is the reason I started this thread. The love of our families!! Please come back and tell us stories about them. I am hopeful I may get to see my grandchildren. !! That has become a bucket list item. Even though my kids don't know that. I would never pressure Them for that ever! I am happy that you'll be spending time with them, how exciting !! Hugs to them and you!! ~M~
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Another day of busy, brought up 13 bags of trash from the basement and took it to the curb for trash night. Egads. So much crap accumulated, I don't Iike feeling like I can only do so much in a one day time period before I am just too damn exhausted to move. Not pain per say. Just fatigue. I just realized I haven't eaten anything all day. I have been so busy today. A grocery store run, $143 later I don't even remember what I even got. Everything is so expensive, even grapes. Like wow $6.00 For a half decent amount of them. Shower day also. I am going to bed very early tonight.
Mae~ you ok darling !?
Chicago ~ you ok too?
Hugs and much love everyone !
Keetmom~with you tomorrow! Good thoughts and vibes for you!
Claudia~ thinking of you of course.!
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I had to post this for a good laugh. Lol kids are priceless. Lol. Loving this. lol I have always thought that when I was younger. The look on my kids face when they realized where they camefrom lol I did have two c sections. But still the holiday Hamm! Lol have a goodnight evening everyone! ~M~0 -
Hi all! Waving from Florida. Thankfully no extreme damage. All structures survived. Extremely grateful. Some of our friends did not fare as well. There homes are still flooded. Still no power, but generator is enabling us to take showers and keep refrigerator going. We sleep in motorhome cause it has air conditioning! We have much to be thankful for!
Thinking of all of you. Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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OH Claudia~ I am so very happy to hear that you made it through with no damage. That's fantastic!! Happy to know you're ok and all of your structures made It through with out problems. I hope your friends can improve things once all the flooding goes down. Thank goodness you have The camper to sleep in. That Is a blessing. Thank you for letting us know everything is ok with your home. I'm just glad it's over and has moved on! Get some much needed rest. Hope your neighbors are ok! Much love ~M~
My friend from high school has his home and business on the keys. So I'm very worried for him. Looks really bad in the keys for sure. I don't even think many buildings made it through with out damage or total loss. Miserable storm.
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Claudia, so happy to hear that your home is intact. Seeing some of the pictures on TV is unbelievable! SO much destruction! SO much water! It will be a long recovery for our Florida friends. Praying there was no lose of life.
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Claudia-So glad you made it through with no extreme damage. Hope you can exhale now and that the power is restored to everyone.
Micmel-I'm in awe of you taking out 13 bags of trash today. Cleaning out my basement has been on my list but not the top priority. You've inspired me so maybe I'll get at least a little of it done this fall. I had a good day-went to a meeting for my volunteer work and then downtown for an art exhibit. We'll have to talk about Breaking Bad someday. I happened to start watching it after my diagnosis last fall. I could really relate to Walter but wouldn't want to start killing people
. I've started watching Better Call Saul to get a little more of my fix-I"m in season 2 and liking it so far.Hope everyone is doing well.
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Micmel, Preacher is on AMC and just finished its second season last night. Things are calming down in Houston but I'll be extra busy for a few more weeks. I completed #22 of 30 rads and still feel good, only minor skin sensitivity and no fatigue so far. I've been walking daily and exceeded my step goal almost every day throughout rads, as I did during chemo. Either exercise really does fight fatigue or I've been incredibly lucky, it is so important for me mentally to not feel sick physically.
Hope everyone else is well
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illemae- I think exercise really does help the fatigue. and the nausea if you every get that. being outside feels good. always my first choice of treatment when I feel fatigue.
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good morning everyone!
Mae~Good to see you!! Almost to the end of the radiation, that's fabulous! I have AMC and will see if on demand carries that series for me to select. I was up again. (I know right!) until midnight watching Game of Thrones! Boy I do not like Ramsey. Can't wait until he gets his. Poor Sansa. What a way to lose your virginity, to a raving maniac. I. Don't understand why little finger would do that to her ? Other than she was back at winterfeld.. it's good to hear that the Texas clean up is moving along. Everyone knows that poor Florida has just begun theirs. Sending good thoughts to everyone effected. Especially our girl Claudia! I have to agree with you and NKB about the fatigue. I feel way better when I function with movement. Yesterday my final total of trash bags brought up from the basement was 21 bags of trash. I am not even done yet. I can hear the trash men already when they pull up out front. Eeeekkk sorry guys! Lol
Hope you got some sleep Claudia, you have been through quite a bit this past week especially! Hope you get your power back soon. Fully, able to rest comfortably in your own home. Thanks goodness no damage to your buildings. That's incredibly good news.! Hugs to you my friend!
Keetmom~ am with you today for your scan! Good thoughts and vibes. Hugs for the girls and you! 😍
scwilly~ hope your doing ok with the side effects. Hope your feet will get better, hope it's just a flare up from introducing new meds to your system!! I just hope you get a handle on that. Enough crap is enough!
Chicago~ I am going to pay the price I am sure for the 21 bags of trash up from in the basement, 12 stairs down and back up with trash bags. Filled to the top,some where quite heavy. Also,some old blinds and computer items. The trash doesn't take the electronics anymore. I guess that's why in some nice areas we see abandoned fridges and other appliances thrown out wherever, they need to get a central dumping station. That would be helpful. I am still not done in the basment. Wow it was packed. Today i am taking a break for my body. I may nap some. I just know nothing physical is happening for this girl today. I love art exhibits. That sounds relaxing and fun! I can't wait to hear your thoughts on Breaking Bad. I was diagnosed in January of 2016 and I was watching it that summer. I felt the same way about Walter. I was Iike no way. He was quite brilliant. Skylar, she had no idea how much he really Loved his family until later, I was glad when she found out. Great show !! Haven't tried call Saul, but thanks very much for the mention! I am going to mention that as well for a possible binge watch!
Lynn~ sending you a hello and a hug! I was liking the cooler temps. 77 yesterday. Not bad. But prefer. The 60's. Supposed to get some rain. I don't mind the rain. As long as there is no flooding, or hurricanes. I love to sit on the porch and just breath and listen. It's like the heavens cleansing by raining down to clean everything in its path. Why couldn't clean us all from our stupid cancer??
Much love to all hugs my friends. ~M~
Love you too Nan! Missing you
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Lol 😂 😂 that's how I feel from all the basement work I have been doing lol. Sitting down and filling 21 bags makes your rear end hurt. Lol. It's raining and pouring this afternoon and I love it, it means it takes more rain from Florida. And our Claudia. 💕 ☔️ ☔️ ☔️ ☔️ 0 -
Claudia glad you made it through ok, the pictures from the keys are breaking my heart..
Scans are done and now I worry, I looked at the bone scan and wondered if those spots were on the last one...but I know what the CT shows is more important....still really don't want to change treatments again...I guess I have to go on my pain is lower and I am feeling better then in a long time...I even am staying up past 7 these days.... tomorrow we will know, and for now I will take an anxiety pill and try to veg...0 -
Keetmom~ 💕 Hi darling. I am glad to hear its all done. I was thinking of you and sending good thoughts!! I know the waiting is the hardest part. Sometimes I wonder what the oncs think. I usually have to wait maybe close to a week. Then I sit in his room with an ugly gown on. Listening for his rolling cart that holds his computer. It drives me crazy. I Am happy to hear that you are feeling so good. That's half the battle. Honestly, all that you do and have done this summer and all you deal with everyday. I think you're pretty amazing. I still remember the picture of you holding that big ass fish from your family vacation! Oh and let's not forget Emma's bad ass room conversion. Some good things did happen to good people this summer! Well well deserved ! I'll be here waiting to hear your good news. Sending many hugs to you and the girls. ~M~
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Good morning! We got power yesterday around 2, then lost it again around 5. Then got it back around 8pm. Yay! Cleanup is moving along. I took a fall last night. Missed the bottom step coming out of motor home. Feeling especially lucky today as nothing appears to be broken! Just lots of soreness and bruising! Onward and upward!
Hugs and prayers everyone,
Claudia
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Claudia-Thank goodness nothing is broken! Glad your power is back on but try not to overdo today.
Wishing everyone a good day!
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Claudia~ I am so glad to see you here. Thank goodness you weren't hurt. 😲 Please take care of your bruises. They always ask me if I have fallen, one of the first things they say, when I go to the doctors. I hope you'll be ok. Thank goodness nothing is broken!! I am thrilled to hear your power is back. It's too stuffy outside still not to have that!!! So glad to hear slowly things are coming along. I amazed at your strength as well. Just be safe and don't over do it. I did a little too much as well with my basement cleanup. I just woke up, I fed the dogs at 700 and fell asleep again. Been thinking about you all. Hopefully it's smooth sailing from now on!
Chicago~nice to see you. I hope those kitties know how lucky they are! I would love to volunteer like that!! Hope you're doing well big hugs to all!
Much love ~M~
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Micmel-Lynwood volunteers with kitties; I volunteer with people. Either way-I think any type of volunteer work that one enjoys is good because it gets us out of our own funk. Hope you aren't feeling too sore from all your work the other day!
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Chicago~ i was so concerned with seeing all the pets being cared for from the storms. You're absolutely correct. Obviously I have over done it in the basement lol my mind has the days run together. Weeks run together. Anymore I sometimes think that my medicines make my memory toast. If I don't write it down. I'm toast. Where do you volunteer? What do you do for them? I can't imagine having the energy for that!
This morning I found out someone I went to high school suddenly died. So I am not firing on all cylinders. I'm sorry to confuse. They don't know what happened. Usually when they don't give a reason. I have seen in my experience, it's usually an overdose of some sort which breaks my heart. Everyone has their Issues. But it's so sad. She was my age 47. Still pretty young. So that is bothering me a great deal. I guess any mention of death effects me weird these days. Hust a hidden scare. Hope everyone is having agood day. It's a bit rainy here on and off through the night. Now pretty grey. Suitable for my mood. Sorry again. Hugs and much love. ~M~
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Scans are for most part stable, liver and lungs look good... Mets are same size but tbey showed more uptake, could just be technique so we are stay good the coarse, especially because my markers dropped in half, and all else looks good on numbers a day most importantly I feel. Good.... We are gonna look into foundation one testing to have for future... Down to less then an hour here and I can go home... Ready it is like 6 hours here
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Keetmom~So glad to hear your news for stable scans! You did mention you had been feeling good, I am happy that you didn't have to wait too long for those results. I hate the wait. Thrilled that your treatment seems to be working. Keep bringing on the good news ladies ! Much love ~M~
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At first Dr came in and said I had progression in bones but they went and relooked at and it probably was because of less time between the contrast and scan...the whole scan was brighter even stuff that didn't have cancer, I was freaking out for a while but once Dr talked to radiologist I felt better.
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Micmel-Sorry to hear about your classmate. It is so unnerving when a high school friend dies-makes us wonder, will my time be up soon? No big deal about the volunteering-I just didn't want to take credit for Lynwood's work. My volunteer work relates to my profession so it feels good to use my skills in some way without the commitment of a paid job. Some of it is in meetings with other people, the rest is one on one. I find it good to have something besides myself to think about and it reminds me that while have MBC is kind of crappy there are a lot of other challenging situations that people deal with. But I have been careful not to over commit my time volunteering-I don't want it to be a drain.
Keetmom-Glad to hear about your stable scans but I am sure you could have done without that scare.
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For sure because in my mind it is still going is it really stable....But Tumor Markers went by half so it much be doing something...we just will continue on....need to move on to getting in my mind It is stable..
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Keetmom~I khow annoying it is when people, especially doctors don't really review everything closely before they speak. I know exactly what you mean. I am always trying to read these reports and trying to research anything I can read about and trying to understand that lingo. I am a google person, I tend to right away google everything I can. Not a good idea. I am so glad he came back and corrected himself. Still like Chicago said. No one needs anything like that. The wait was hard enough!! Wonder which Way Jose is going to go.?? Up up and away!
Chicago~ it was a shock. No one can find anything out. Other than it just happened. Sometimes things just happen. We all know all about that don't we!?
Hugs to all ~M~
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Mae~you doing ok ? I am thinking of you and hoping all is ok with rads #24? Perhaps. Haven't seen you in a few days. Starting GOT season 6 tonight!! Very entertaining. Loving Sansa. Hope to see you soon! Hugs ~M~
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Mich- I'm not mad at Dr he went over the scan, read the report told me I don't believe this because all signs point toward Taxol working, I am going to talk with another radiologist over lunch (Still what I heard was Progression!!! This is why I bring DH to get my results )and I will come back and talk with you more. So I am not mad, I had to see him so I could start chemo...Everything was brighter on this scan even stuff that doesn't have cancer so something happened. I really like my oncologist, he is always willing to talk to me and listen to me...I am slowly relaxing more...we may do a bone scan after 2 more treatments, we may wait 3 months..we are gonna go on Tumor Markers, other labs and how I feel, The good thing is my organs looked great...and bone mets don't kill people they just hurt...which I have very little pain.
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Keetmom~luckily when he inquired with someone else, stable is what you got to hear. My onc is Japanese and doesn't speak real great. He is smart though. But sometimes I wish he had a better bedside manner. So glad you like yours. It certainly is important. But so far everything he has said to me has been correct and he has brought me very close to remission. Hopefully we all hear that, knowing everything we go through with these treatments. All the side effects. All the worrying. Keeping it in the bone !! I know that song. I sing it everyday!! I know that feeling completely. Hope you get many many more stable scans.
Hugs! ~M~
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Hi all! Interesting to read about the sometimes conflicting results that we hear about our scans. I just got the written report from the ct scan I had a couple of weeks ago. Imagine my surprise when it mentions that my thyroid is symmetrical and without nodules... WTF because I had my thyroid removed in 2010!!! This really pissed me off!! Excuse the language. Now it makes me doubt the stable result. I'm sure it's my scan because it mentions my lung nodule, gallstones and spinal stenosis, all of which I have. My onc will be hearing about this, I want abother read of the scan by someone else.
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Hi ladies! Micmel, my ears were burning, lol.
Keetmom, yay on the stable scans! And lynnwood, how infuriating, I totally understand being angry and I hope you get some answers.
Today was 24/30 rads, tomorrow is the last regular session and next week is boosts to the original tumor sites. Work is still super busy but I have an annual conference in 3 weeks that I always look forward too, so that'll be informative and fun.
I've been trying out some new healthy recipes and walking a lot, once rads are done I'll be able to get back to losing, I have 50 lbs left and I'd like to get there by this time next year. Still feeling great!
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Lynnwood~I can relate to the scan issue. Mine was a little different. At first I was going to have AC and I did have two infusions, I was in the lobby of the infusion center. I was pulled from the lobby and sent up to see onc. I was terrified! Turns out he was stopping the AC chemo, because it had shown up on my liver. A small pencil head size on the outer helmet. Liver was functioning normal it was not even close to any functioning part of my liver. My onc said no surgery you're going on ibrance. I then was scheduled to meet, my obgyn onc surgeon. He was like 😲😲 uh no we are operating on the liver tumor when you're finished with the AC. I'll speak with your onc and arrange it immediately. So I was wondering why my onc didn't speak to the team before he said right off. No surgery. It made me wonder why he wasn't. Being as aggressive as this doctor wants to be. Turned out I finished the other 2 AC s and had a liver resection, it was a really hard surgery. I was NED for three months, and after 9 sessions of Abraxane. But then it was detected in a few surface spots in my bones in a few places. I think the total counted was four. So each doctor thinks differently so why wouldn't they conceptually read reports and scans differently. Scary stuff!! I don't blame you one bit, that you would want a second opinion on the reading of that. I felt the exact same way. Which is why I was glad to meet with the liver doctor surgeon as well. They all finally agreed! Like we all say all the time it's a Roller Coaster. Up and down. Ugh!!
Mae~ there you are !! I am glad the rads aren't giving you side effects. That's a big deal. Walking is very good for you. I am constantly reading about how good it is for you. I am intending on walking more myself. The cooler weather is what I need. I can imagine you will be quite busy with constant clean up, considering what the flooding caused. What kind of conference are you going too? Do you travel for this conference ? DH and I are planning to take a trip, in October. A small cabin in the woods with a nice comfy chair for us both, he's going to hike and take his pictures. I am going to do my reading and coloring!He's really good at it. I am excited to finally get to go someplace. I am so thrilled I don't have to report to any doctors appointment until November, that has been the longest since diagnosis, so I'll take it. I used to have monthly blood work and xgevea shot. But he said not needed anymore. He told me my bones were strong and calcium levels constantly holding. I will take it. Glad to see you. Was hoping all was well. You're certainly a busy woman. We all are in ways. Which I find pretty good!! We do what we can!!
Much love!!~M~
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.....lol this made me giggle. Cats get into the darnedest things. Have a good night everyone sleep well. Tomorrow is Friday!! Any plans for the weekend?? I want to go and see the movie IT. I have read so many Stephen King books. Along with this one. I'm excited! Hope it works out and I feel up to it. Hugs~M~ 0 -
Micmel, it's a traffic operations conference and this year we go back to Fort Worth. My friend of 12 years and coworker will be there and we always have fun on trips. I always gain a few lbs on these out of town events, it's worth it for a day or two but after a week, I just want salads.
I'm planning on doing a 5k in late October, my husband will be home for a few weeks and my best friend is coming from Wisconsin for a visit. Then my one year post treatment scans in late Nov. I'm optimistic but causious
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M- I cant even watch the It commercials..not sure what we will do this weekend, see how I am feeling after chemo today..I have some really tired girls on my hands we will see what the weekend brings..No alarms that is for sure..
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Keetmom~I never realized how many people just didn't like clowns. Lol a lot of people !! I am really just looking forward to getting out and being with my family outside of the house. This will be the first thing I have done as a family outside of family dinners and etc. out of the home. That is a Big deal to me. That AC chemo and Abraxane did a number on my feet. I am still healing from that! Not an easy task. Sometimes my feet would feel hard boiled and the nerve pain was awful. Slowly it's improving but still. Maybe just relaxing is a good thing for everyone, especially with your girls just getting back to school this first week. They must be still adjusting to going back. I always hated the beginning of the new school year! Waking up earlier, tons of homework, projects, lunch money! If I am honest I don't miss any of it! Hard years they were! Another cloudy ☁️ ☁️ day here. Everyone happy Friday!
Mae~ 😲😲😲😲what happened to Jon Snow???? ❄️ ❄️. Omfg he was my favorite. Cried!! Like a baby. Had to finish the last episode again last night for season five. Missed the ending because my kids came in. So I watched the last ten mins Again. I can't believe Ollie turned on him. Ugh!! I can't watch it without him. oh and what they did to Cerasi. Wow. Her hair. Holy crap. All that beautiful hair. Those people are fanatics. Ewwwww!
I am saddened by that for sure. I'm going finally start season 6 today. But. I can't handle no Jon Snow. I'm praying somehow he can survive what six stab wounds ? He is the conmander of the watch. They need to be punished!! Badly!! Sounds like the conference will be a good thing for you, if you get to be with friends. How many days will you be gone?. I can hear George Strait singing about Forth worth in his wonderful songs. My very favorite country singer, also saddened by Troy Gentry suddenly dieing. In the helicopter accident. Only 50 years old!! So sad!!
Have a good day ladies.
Claudia~ hope your ok. Hope things are looking better and you're not too tired. We all know how that can happen quickly
Nan~thinking of you! Always. Today Is the wedding! May you make such beautiful memories, that your heart is filled with joy! Gotta see that dress 👗 👗 Lovely lady. Missing you. But think of you often. Many hugs.
Much love all~M~
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This the basement 22 bags later Of trash that I have removed this past week and why I napped for two days as a result!! Here is my starting point downstairs to try again to finish some more, again heading down to keep the progress up! Are we suppose to work on Fridays? Oh well. Before I started you couldn't even see the floor! I'm not giving up! Much love ~M~0 -
Good job Micmel! What a lot of work. Such a good feeling to get rid of things you no longer need in your life.
I found an indoor swimming pool and went for a swim last night. I have lived in my house for over 30 years and never realized that the pool in the high school that is a 5 minute walk away is open to the public during certain hours. I used to drive 45 minutes and pay $500/year just to swim. So I swam last night at 9 pm with two other women who were also not in the greatest shape. There was a poster: "No matter how slowly you swim, you are lapping those who are on the couch." I think I have found a good place to swim!
It was kind of amazing to realize that there are undiscovered treasures in this neighborhood where I've lived so long.
Hope everyone has a good day.
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Micmel, keep watching, that was not the end of Jon Snow's story
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Chicago~I love to swim. That's really awesome that you have found a place to swim. Hopefully no one else will find your quiet place and it will continue to be a relaxing atmosphere for you to swim your little heart out. It's been so long since I've been able to swim. I am envious! I don't think it's odd at all that you didn't know it was there. I have lived here 18 years and my DH who I have been with 14 years, knows the area and all around way better than I do and he is from another state. So I would have been the same way. We used to belong to the local community pool, and that would Be our vacation a lot of times for the summer, it costs so much for a family of 5. I think it's awesome that you have found another way to be active. I am so waiting for the crisp 65degree or less days coming, I can go get out everymorning and start my walking again. I used to hike with DH all the time, now he could leave me in the dust! I miss everything I was able to do bc (before cancer) take a few laps for me !!
DH is on his way home for the weekend I cannot wait. Although my DS shouldn't be happy. We are having the you're an adult now and this is the deal! You're responsible for these things and if you don't do them. You'll be receiving a time table until we are putting the house up for sale! I've sacrificed 14 years living in another state from my DH, and they are 21 and 22 now. When I left my house I was 21. So they are coming down the pike. If they can't do the things that adults do. Then do it someplace else. I love them, deeply. But I don't know how long I have! And I want to spend every second with him. ~M~
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Micmel-Hope that your conversation goes well.
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Mae~I am so relieved!!🤤 I couldn't imagine this show without him. I'm also a little freaked out about what happened to Auria (spelling) her eyes are a little scary. What is that dudes story!!? No face? Weird!! I want Ramses gone. Stanis dead. The little princess burned, her mother, hung herself in the woods! What a season finale! Wow! I'm still like wtf!! Thanks for the heads up! I feel better. Have a great day. Hope rads goes quickly #25 history ! Here's to you Mae! 🍹Hugs. Did I read you were planning a 5k? In October? That's something else. Where is it ?
Much love ~M~
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Chicago~ thank you so very much. I am going to need it. I don't want to have them leave Tomorrow, but i want them to understand and appreciate the things that have been given to them, only to make them better adults. Arghhhg! If I don't check in soon I've fallen and I can't get up!! Hugs to all ~M~ or maybe I'll just hide In the basement. No. That won't work, because I just cleaned it, they would find me for sure now! Lol. Have a great Friday ladies !
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here is my hound dog. Every evening he Iikes to climb up on mommys bed and rest with me. He does weigh 87 lbs and takes up space in my bed. My legs feel like a pretzel. I took this last night. He is like a cat, he wants to cuddle when he's in the mood. When he's not. You can't even get a pet in edgewise! Gotta love the pets! He soothes me and keeps me company. But they have to go outside and if it's raining the prince doesn't want to get his paws wet!!~M~
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Mic- I don't dislike clowns, just really don't like the commercials for that movie...I really avoid horror movies all around anyway..Hope the discussion with your DS goes ok, I cant imagine having to live apart from my DH, he is my rock and many times the only person I want around me, he went to chemo with me yesterday and I said I wish you could everytime, we are just having him come after scans or other big appointment, him and I have been through so many surgeries with Emma we have our way of doing it. We don't make small talk...that and it is good to have that extra set of ears..
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend..not sure what we are going to do here this weekend..it has warmed up again and not at all fall weather
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Micmel, it's a day of the dead themed 5k in Houston along Buffalo Bayou and through a cemetery (face painting, costume contest, etc) and a cold beer at the end. I think I'll talk DH into doing it with me since my friends are lazy
Keetmom, I love horror movies, October is prime movie watching time for me, can't wait
I finish rads next Friday and have a retirement party after, so I'll be celebrating with some yummy appetizers and an adult beverage!
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Micmel, great job on your basement...that's alot of work! Love your doggie, so cute!
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Hi Ladies~ thank you for the encouragement on my basement. I know that it's a small thing. But for me it's huge. That had been bothering me for a long time now. Maybe one more day and I'll have gotten all the trash out of it. Then I'll move into the organizing and shelving.
Mae~ that sounds like a lot of fun. I love the festive bazaars and craft shows and my daughter has her birthday close to Halloween, it was always a big holiday around our house. I also love the horror films. I am trying to figure out when I can wrangle everyone to go see IT with me. If I can't have everyone go. I'll take my DD. She's funny to see the looks on her face when she's scared lol. So nice that hubby would do the 5k with you. He's a keeper! My sweet DH and I watched a movie western tonight. He loves them. He doesn't really watch too much tv. So it's special when we get to sit together and watch alone. I feel like a kid again missing him all week. I adore him!
Lynn~ I did work my rear end off In The basement. But it felt so good to be able to even do that. I was feeling so badly this time last year, I honestly didn't know if I'd ever be able to do something like that again. I am very thankful. My hound dog Deeohgee. Is such a little hunter. You can hide something anywhere in the house and he will find it. He howls and bellows when he talks to us. And he loves to fetch. He is turning nine. I can't believe it. I am thankful he still plays and runs around the house still has a lot of spunkyness in him !
Keetmom, some people just don't like horror films. My DH is kinda one of them. Lol. I know a lot of people who just don't like it. I'd rather be good and scared. Then all of the gore sometimes. But nothing is better then the old Halloween and Friday the thirteen films. They were awesome. Freddy Krueger was scary also. Back when I was young they pretty much scared the pants off me. Lol. But I don't blame you, I like all kinds of movies. Driving miss daisy has to be one of my favorite movies. My cousin vinny. Shawshank redemption, forest gump. All good movies. I am a tv and movie junkie. I enjoy it very much. Have a good night sleep ladies. Much love ~M~
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Claudia~ didn't see your shining face here today. Hope the clean up is going well. Hope you're ok and DH is ok also. Don't over do it. I know things need to get done. I just know what it's like to do too much. Big hugs. Thinking of you! Tonight was the wedding and I am thinking about Nan!! Hope she's having a total blast. Hugs ~M~
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Good morning Ladies~ hope everyone has a great Saturday! Not too sure what I am going to do. Maybe more basement work. Lawn got down last night. DH arrived safely. Thank goodness. Love it when he is here! Not too much planned. Trying to get the troops to get out to the movies. But my DD has her second job with her catering small side business. So she will Be working a double today. Did not get the chance to talk to DS. His ears must have been burning or he is better than I thought. He had his bF wait for him after work so when my DH was ready to talk, he had someone else with him to divert the talk. I think he knew it was coming and he was prepared. But that's ok. Today is another day. Hope everyone is resting up this weekend. Another too warm day on tap here, maybe DH will ride his bike. Maybe I will nap. I didn't fall asleep until after midnight. I guess that is what happens when you crash at 3:00 in the afternoon. Didn't mean for it to happen I just fell asleep and next thing I knew it was after 5;00. I hate that!!!! Ugh!! So we sat up and watched a western. Then it got late so fast. Why is it that time goes so slow, during the week, but goe lightening fast when he arrives. True love. Time flys when you're having fun. Much love ~M~
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Mornin' all, just checking in, no big plans this weekend. Today will be catching up on DVR shows/movies, laundry and trying out a new recipe (like chocolate chip cookies but using chickpeas instead of the flour mix). Tomorrow will be slow cooker pot roast and American Horror Story with friends.
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Illmae- I don't eat chickpeas anymore due to their high estrogen content. A nutritionist told me about it years ago- I miss them, - has anyone else heard this? I did see a comparison to other foods and it was off the chart for garbanzos!
No horror movies for me- comedy all the way.
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NKB~ comedy's are ok for me as well. I just have a history of reading Stephen King stories and this one I really enjoyed. Anxious to see the movie. Want to take my whole family. First time out and feeling pretty good since diagnosis and heavy chemo etc... I did talk to my onc about soy, he told me that's a no no. I have never heard of chick peas. Am certainly going to be asking next time. Because I Iove them!! I eat them on my salads. All the time.
Mae~. I knew we were a lot alike lol I am watching the newest episode of American horror cult. So far it's pretty out there with the clowns. Mmmmmm think they are competing with IT perhaps?? That's odd if I think about it. Save me some of those cookies please!! Normal time? Enjoy yourself.
We are now out looking for pumpkins. My DH likes to strip them for pies and custard, made from scratch. My mouth is watering. I can't believe all the fall items are out already like wow!! Next they'll be jamming the Christmas decorations down your throat. Did you all know tat October 13 is MBC awareness day!? I just heard that. I thought. Yeah. The only thing we all need and want is to hear that they have a cure. Until that day..... I'll take being stable right next to my sisters.
Much love ~M~
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Heading to the farmer's market this morning. DH is taking a long hike in Tamalpais with his BF-they couldn't go backpacking as planned because we have too many fires and smoke in California and Oregon.
We are planning a trip to see DS in Montreal and then onto Paris for 10 days. I am not sure how I will arrange the Meds since it depends on how my blood tests go, but, MO says we will figure it out-just go. It is fun to plan, this is the first time we will stay in one place for so long-usually just a night or two and off we go to another city-the thought of that was exhausting. We will just explore Paris- we haven't been there in 35 years. Even though I feel more "fragile" than in the past-weird health things are happening to a startling number of my friends young and old and I want to try to normalize and live life as much as I can. I feel like I am living from scan to scan, infusion to infusion, shot to shot, blood test to blood test, and then I try to say- everyone lives from scan to scan metaphorically.
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Nkb, I had not heard this about chickpeas, it was actually at my intergrative medicine consult last week that the doc kept talking about chickpea this, chickpea that, I finally said, I guess you want me to eat some chickpeas, right? Lol. They told me no supplements, except maybe vitamin D, to get everything I need from food and eat beans everyday, if possible.
I'll have to do some research and have her explain the conflicting info. Thanks for the heads up
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The food stuff seems really confusing-when first diagnosed I heard no flax, soy or chickpeas (if other stuff I either forgot or didn't like it anyway so dismissed it) My cereal had a lot of flax so I stopped it for years. Then restarted it and now have mets-so stopped it again. I think a small amounts of any of this stuff (besides soy) is probably ok.
The only supplements I take are calcium and Vit D- I try to get most of the calcium in food and then supplement-my MO was very adamant about calcium if on Zometa. Gotta build up a lot of bone once I send the cancer away!
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Good evening Ladies~ I am wicked tired and in a bad need of a shower! I was in the basement finishing up the cleaning effort and the only thing left is to remove what trash is left. I did another 9 bags of trash and some boxes to go out to the curb this week, and sweep the floor of the little things that are too small to pick up. DH was pleased with the progress!! DH couldn't believe all the progress I made this week. He was shocked and said he was impressed. That's says a lot coming from him. He is amazing. I just wanted to contribute and not have him doing any of it.
Got the pumpkins. He's making custard now. Delicious!!
Mae, how did your cookies come out? I have no idea what we are going to have for dinner. I don't even know if I'm hungry. My tongue hurts!! Last day of number 10 on ibrance. My week off this week. Hoping to walk!!!
Nkb~I agree with the soy. It kinda scares me. They even say it notto use any lube products because it could contain hormones. Give us a break please? . Lol Paris wow!!! 😳 you go!! That's amazing. I'm impressed. I really would love to travel. I think I'm a home Body!! Did you find what you needed at the farmers market?? Ours was crazy packed. The calendar changes one month and it seems like everyone emerges for that one pumpkin!!!! Lol.
Have a good night. I'll probably be asleep before nine. I am beat!!
Claudia?? Thinking of you. !
Chicago~hope all is well!
Keetmom~hope you're having some good family time!
Nan~ hope it was a great time !! Much love ~M~
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This was the other wall from earlier this week!! Nothing left. Yay!! Hugs ~M~. Nothing like decluttering!!0 -
WOW!! Your basement looks great! You can come and do mine next, lol! That's alot of work, we did ours this year and it took forever. Of course it's junked up again already. Our house is small so easy to throw everything down there. Busy day yesterday, went to a few yard sales with my son and his girlfriend. They are looking to move in together within a year or so and looking for things. Does anybody get married anymore??? Lol. Then I took my 80 year old mom to a local festival, it was SO hot and humid we could hardly walk around. Then went to Boscovs, they we're having a HUGE sale. Got some great bargains for Xmas. Came home and was in bed by 6pm. I had my Xgeva shot on Thursday and it always makes me feel a little "off" and tired for a few days. Resting some today. Going to work with my kitties tomorrow, physical therapy on Tuesday and Thursday, doctor appoint on Wednesday. Hope you all have a great day! I love this thread, read every day even if in dont post much
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Lynn~ Good morning! Although the basment look awesome. I am feeling a few twinges today. It wore me out. That I'll admit. I took a shower and I was hoping to fall asleep quickly but no such luck!! I just woke up!! DH is in the shower. He took the hounds up for me so I could sleep late. He's always doing that for me on the weekends. He is the only one that gives me a break with them. I have them all week long, unfortunately he will have to leave today.
He had the Talk with DS, I am hoping the diaper has been removed and we will now see a new young man, stepping out. Sometimes they just need to feel the heat. It went well. But he understands the options in front of him. Don't know what I would do without this beautiful man by myside. I adore him beyond words. Pet the kitties for me!! I hope you have a good Sunday! Whatever I do today I'm keeping it light. Long weeks without my DH. I miss him terribly.
Mae~ Jon Snow and Sansa are together.!!!! I love that. Two of my favorites together again finally. 😍😍. So good. Khalisse has been taken by Drogos's people again!! This show is nuts. Pretty neat to see her with the IMP. They are almost the same size love them both too. So far season 6 is awesome !!! American horror tonight my girl. Have fun with your friends and your pork roast!!Auto correct went to porn toast but we all know that isn't what it was supposed to be. Lol auto correct is funny sometimes. Lmao.
Claudia 😞Hope you're ok. My dear.
Everyone have a great Sunday. You too Keetmom! Hugs and much love ~M~
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Lynnwood, I think people still get married these days, some are just more cautious. DH and I lived together during our 1 year engagement and fortunately we didn't have too many annoying habits between us. I've let friends live with me before that drove me up the wall within a week, it's good to know those things before committing.
Micmel, I am excited for tonight episode but also two weeks from now, so many shows coming back! NCIS, Criminal Minds, Designated Survivor, Hells Kitchen. Dinner will be in the crockpot, so my only chores for today are dishes and giving my boy biggie a bath.
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Hi all! We are finally done with storm cleanup! Yahoo! Were finished around 7pm last night. We were going to go ride today, but a friend called last night and they needed help with their cleanup today. So dh went there. He wouldn't let me because its a slippery, muddy mess there and C slipped and fell yesterday and hurt her ribs. Unfortunately, my fall Wed night is still fresh on his mind and it wasn't open to discussion.
I feel so terrible for them, the water came up to the eaves in there house. They decided to move to a different area and already purchase another home. I hope they don't regret it later! I don't know how a decision made in that state of mind, can be a good one. But we support whatever they decide. I could tell you so many stories of our friends and how we have been affected, but let's move on to happier stuff.
Micmel - You are my new hero! That basement looks awesome! You have inspired me to de-clutter! I am going to start with my pantry, it is a mess! We made our final plans for our trip in October, I can hardly wait! We will be horseback riding for 2 whole weeks!
There is a huge horsey tack sale in. Ocala at the end of September that I want to go to. We need bell boots, ours have disappeared. I love these sales! Its like a huge flea market, but only horse items. I want to take my saddle to be cleaned!
I have to scoot now, dh just called and he sounds sad. He wants me to meet him for lunch in a little while.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~I am so sorry for your close friends. It sucks when something happens you have no control over. Falling is not good. That worries me. I know I am very clumsy, almost fell a few times yesterday. I don't watch my feet and maybe I should be. I also lifted a lot of boxes.
I used to work out daily for 1.5 hours five days a week. Including running six to eight miles daily. I was strong as an ox. Very toned and very fit. It's the reason, I was told and allowed to have my liver resection. Major surgery with 54 staples. And at the same time. Lymph node removal. Ever one of them in my left arm. And a mastectomy. They told me I would be in intensive care for a week. I woke up in a regular room on the cancer floor. They were very pleased, because I only have one functioning lung. I am going to start walking again. It seems like you're incredibly busy. In my mind activity is activity, including sweating bullets in the basement!! It looks so great. My house is officially clean!! (Poltergeist nod) I'm thrilled! So glad to see you. Missed you and was hoping all is ok. Have a great lunch with DH. I am so envious you're going away! But you deserve it!
Mae~ loving that pic!! I want to hug him!!! He looks like a little person!! Muwah!! Sounds delicious tonight. I also love criminal minds. Was pissed when they framed reed. Not ok!! I really also like all the characters again. Paget Brewster has always been my favorite though. Love ncis also!! I'm a bachelor fan totally! Survivor and big brother are my favorite shows. Mae have you ever seen Big little Lies ??? Omg omg. If you haven't. Please please watch it. It's fabulous!! Serious good watch. Very well done. And excellent casting. Wow! Have blast tonight !
Lynn~ My phrase with the marrying. Anymore. Women work. More. So they know divorce is expensive. And they also want to keep their hard earned money. I wouldn't not want to marry. But I am also old fashioned with that. I agree with Mae. I couldn't marry someone I didn't know if after a month, I couldn't tolerate them. That would be awful. I think making sure you're compatible is very important, especially since most couples have to have two incomes these days. Everything is so damn expensive!! Have a great Sunday. I am on my off week with ibrance so I am hoping for a good one. Any other month I would be having my shot. Of XGeva. And my bloodwork. But doc says not anymore. Only in three months. I'll take it. And I always hated how that shot made me feel. I understand the feeling weird for a few days after. Much love ~M~
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Morning all..
Mich Nice job on your basement, we moved a last year so luckily it isn't to messy around here...although there are some things still not unpacked.
Claudia-I feel terrible for all of those who lost everything thereMae- I too am looking forward to shows coming back, love the Middle, Goldburgs, Speachless, and I do some reality shows...
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Good afternoon Ladies~I just carried the trash upstairs into the garage ready to To go to the curb. I am tired today. But feel great it's almost perfect. We have to figure out some shelving to keep things off the ground! But it's been a very productive week! I can't wait to sit my rear end down ans watching some more Game of Thrones and then sleep. I hate how much I need or even enjoy sleeping. I know it's good for our bodies. But after while I have to do something.
What are the kids up too Keetmom !? Is this the second weekend off for them this school year? I can't believe the fundraisers are already coming out. Yankee candle. Most of those are pretty expensive. But I do it for my DSS. Because I love him. Have a good rest of your day. I'm watching American pickers for a little while ! Much love ~M~
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Football is on here, Packers don't play until tonight,
Kids are enjoying just being lazy, we all are...
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Keetmom~I ended up falling asleep after DH left for the week, all my basement cleaning kicked my rear end. I don't even know how the eagles did. My DS got his talking to. We are hoping this is the beginning of his transition into being more of a man. Wish me luck !!! Good night rest well. Much love ~M~
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....If he doesn't do what he's supposed to do, this is what I'll do to him!! Lol. Mae ~ hope your night with friends was good. Soon American horror will be on. I like Sarah Paulson. But she's a loon in this one. Lol hugs ~M~
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Chicago Haven't seen you in a few. Hope all is ok with you and yours. I wanted to try to hike this weekend, but it was awfully humid in the northeast. I'm waiting for the fall temps they keep taking about. Instead I am one step away from being completely done in the basement. I bet the trash men wont be happy third trash day in a row jam packed!! Hugs to you! Hope you had a good weekend! Hugs
Scwilly~ hope all is ok with you. How are your feet?? any better with the ointment? I hope they aren't as sore as last week! Thinking of you guys.
Much love to all. Maybe we will have an appearance from our girl Nan this week. Fingers crossed. She's been so busy with the wedding, she must be worn out!
Mae ~ I have to watch my episode of American horror story. I wondered did they actually play the first season on television ? With all those sexual cituations ? In television and the nudity with lady GA GA. That was some hard core stuff, I haven't seen her In this season. I wonder if she isn't doing it anymore. I had heard Lena Dunham would be joining the cast this season. I only saw lady Gaga three or four times in the Roanoke season. She was the mother. But very limited compared to the prior season with the hotel cortez, that season was awesome ! The jury is still out on this one!! What do you think ?? Hugs to biggie boy! Much love. ~M~
Claudia~you ok after your fall sweetheart? Love you worried about that fall. Sometimes pain is deffered, keep an eye on that !
Keetmom~ how did your packers do? Still haven't seen how the eagles did. Hugs to the girls !
~M~
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Packers lost...I went to bed....
Doing sheets here today..Love crawling into fresh sheets..would love to have it everynight but that would be a lot of work, Not much on here today just getting into normal school stuff..Mich- HOpe your son steps up
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Micmel, the 1st season of American Horror was awesome (the best IMO) and while there were sexual situations, there may have been less nudity due to the fetish style rubber bodysuit worn by the young male lead. So far, I'm enjoying this one.
Starting my last week of rads, yay!
I'm going to be on the edge of my seat Wednesday
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Mae~lmao. I just sent that to my DD who watches it with me every week! It is one of our favorite shows. She is cracking up lol. That's awesome. Thanks for the laugh. I have to catch up on last nights American horror. I tried to get to sleep early, but it never works with Jon snow and Game of thrones, I don't want that to be over, I am hooked. I usually watch it the day after, so I have something to watch! Glad you're enjoying this season, I do always like the show, the scenes with Lady Gaga were very nude like and raw, And some pretty heavy scenes. I didn't know that FX showed nudity. I guess I never thought of it until now. Congrats to you on your last week of radiation. That's awesome ! You're a trooper. For sure ! Hope your dinner with friends was a good time.
Keetmom~ I hope he steps up soon also. If he doesn't, I don't think he's going to like the outcome very much at all. I am not In the business of having grown children around, who won't chip in and help and do their parts in the house, seems really simple. Do chores pay this amount monthly. Or else. It won't be working out too good for you. In the end he'll end up working more loosing his chance at school, and paying triple what he does now. It's a very difficult topic for me. Because I love him. But I also cannot enable him. Ya know ? Hugs to the girls and you.
Much love ~M~
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I think I've lost my mind. Lol all this time I had thought that American horror was on Sunday nights. Wasn't it on last year on Sundays ? Since I never watch them that immediate day I never know when it's on, now I am realizing that they moved it to Tuesday's. Ok I'm firmly back on earth. Lol duh! ~M~. Anyone else regularly loose their minds ? Chemo brain?
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I am astonished at how one second things can change. I last night was texting with my closest brother. Like we do all the time. This morning like maybe 15 mins ago my SIL calls and says he has had a heart attack this morning. And is in ICU. I'm sitting here shocked and so filled with worry. He lives in Arizona, so far from me. I can't even see him. Makes me so mad. I am financially and physically not able to travel. I feel like a wave has hit me and left me here in its wake. I have no words. He's only 57. way to young for this to be happening, just like we said about me. 47 way to young for this to be happening. I am in such shock. I hope he can pull this out of his hat and be ok. They are talking pacemaker now. Which makes me feel a little better. He made it through and is being watched close! I still feel like it's A dream. So upset. 😰😭💔
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Michael, I am sorry to hear the news about your brother. I know it is upsetting, but try to focus on the fact that the doctors and nurses in ICU are well-trained to care for people who experience a medical crisis like your brother's. It is good news that they are considering a pacemaker. I know that it is painful to be unable to see him right now, but once he is out of ICU and stabilized, you can call him. You will feel better once you hear his voice. He knows you are thinking about him. I am praying for his quick recovery.
Hugs and prayers, Lynne
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Micmel- so sorry to hear about your brother. Maybe you can Skype call (or other similar technology) when he gets out of ICU. Sounds like he is in good hands.
It has been a weird year of health issues for people I know, but I ran into a friend who is a cardiologist who said I wish more people were having heart disease instead of cancer- we can fix that more often!
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NKB~ that's a good point about the cancer. He apparently was conscious which is a good thing. A pacemaker would make everyone feel better, that way he can be monitored daily. Just so sudden. We were texting last night and he told me he felt badly. Thought it was the flu. That is some scary stuff. They have said it can mimic the flu. Then the pains come, his wife said it came on quickly. It has been a crazy two years for us with health issues. My mother fell. This happened to me. Now my brother.
Lynne~I hate being far apart from him. It drives me crazy. This year has sucked out loud. Right along with the last two years. I talked to his wife and she told him that I loved him and I heard him speak back that he loves me too. I am just feeling The helpless feelings we get when we are helpless! Thank you both for the kind words. It meansa lot. You're all such lovely women, i hope your day Is a good one!
Much love ~M~
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.......I am not much of a big prayer. I do believe in positive thoughts and good thoughts of mind. But when something like this happens....and you don't understand....you're left all confused....needing a little hand....i am choosing to believe that things will be alright....because those are the thoughts....that get me through the nights.....for my brother!!! I Iove you!! ~M~0 -
Micmel-So sorry to hear about your brother. Hoping they are able to put in the pacemaker and that he has a full recovery. Peace to you and your family.
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Micmel
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Micmel,very sorry to hear about your brother! Thank goodness he got to the hospital where he will be receiving good care. Pacemakers are very effective. Life is certainly a fragile thing and we never know what it will bring to us. It hurts when bad things happen to our loved ones. Please keep us posted. Stay cool... I agree, the humidity was horrendous this weekend and not much better today. I want some nice cool weather!!
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Chicago~thank you very much! We are very close and I am feeling distressed and helpless! He lives too far away, and so des my mother. Both have health issues this year that have shown through. Along with mine. It's upsetting. Thanks so much for the kind words! ~M~
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Mae~Thank you my friend. Very much. Need all the good vibes possible. He sounded so weak 😞💔!
Lynn~thanks so much. It does throw us for a loop when it's our closest people. I'm learning as we get older it seems to happen more and more. Which makes sense. I'm just feeling anxious. Need to be helping and I can't. Sucks. I am like mama bear with my family. Even though I am younger. I am the feisty one. The fighter. The honestly brutal one. But the most loyal as well! My family means the world. As we all know. And feel about our families of course. But some of my family need some psychiatric help! My brother isn't One of them ! He is one of the good guys! Thanks again !! So much!!
Much love ~M~
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So sorry to hear about your brother Micmel. Praying he makes a full recovery. Hugs!
Lynne
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Lynne~Thank you very much for reaching out. I often think that having cancer changes everyone's lives. For the family. But IMO I believe that I can spend time now telling everyone how very important they are to me, but when something like that happens, you hear that phrase your life flashes before you, no one knows for sure what the days bring. It just scared me, because usually the ones that come out of no where are the worst because, you stop And immediately think of the last thing you said or the last time you talked. Sometimes you don't always get to say goodbye, I Am hoping he is strong enough to get well and makes changes to his life to prevent it from happening again. Nice to see you here. Thank you for your kind thoughts and words.
Much love ~M~
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Micmel- You hit the nail on the head about making sure that your loved ones know they are loved and you have their backs. You are their safety net should they need one. I feel so sad to hear people say they didn't know DH, or mom or someone else loved them! When a friend's DH told me how much he adored her-but, never told her!!
Now I am much more aware to offer concrete help, (I can give you a ride to chemo, I can buy take-out food, pick your kids up at school etc) not just say call me if you need anything. When DH wasn't available for one of my chemos, I thought of the two people who had specifically said they would take me if I needed. I send more cards, little gifts if I know it would be fun to receive. Make an effort to be kinder, to offer help, reassure.
But, your brother's experience is what I meant by we are all living scan to scan metaphorically.
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I remember when my Dad had his heart attack, he told me life was very fleeting! It certainly is! I am just so thankful that he is ok!! Still worried, about him. Just hoping the next 24!to 48 goes smoothly. Much love ~M~
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Was lucky enough to receive a pretty coherent text from my brother saying , since the blockage was removed, he felt better but was exhausted and they said the next 24 to 48 hours are the most important, hopefully it won't happen again. This has been a day full of emotion. I am wiped out, I noticed some aches and pains today in my back. Sure hope it's from all the lifting I have been doing! With cleaning my basement and bringing up 35 bags of trash! ItDoes feel muscular! Everyone have a great night! Much love ~M~
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Good morning Ladies~ hope everyone slept well. I didn't sleep too great. Still worrying and hoping all remains stable over night for my brother. Getting older and seeing people you love deteriorate in front of your eyes right along side with you. Just in different ways. Is so hard. I am estranged from a large portion of my family. Like they say. You can't choose your blood. My father and I used to be close. Until his wife, my step monster got her claws out and tried to tell me how to live in my marriage before the divorce. So I told her off in so many words and I haven't spoken with her since. Flash forward 14 years. My dad is old and feeble, he doesn't even care about living. He's a miserable old man now, alone while the monster spends all the money, his saved money, on trips every month, while his health isn't good at all. This woman had leukemia, almost met her maker, had chemo, the entire gammot of treatments. Just like me. Wouldn't you think she would feel some sort of sadness and understanding?Uh nope! Sometimes family is the worst offenders, they sure do take advantage of things, if they don't really acknowledge what's going on. Like my son, who had the talk, but still has yet To walk the walk! Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I totally get it about the family issues. My husband had always had a strained relationship with his parents. They were users and he couldn't see it, gave them money, time, house repairs, etc. they came to him for everything and treated me like shit. It wasn't until I got Cancer in 2008 that he finally had his eyes opened. They totally ignored my illness, surgery, etc. never asked about me or even asked him how he was coping. He finally cut all ties with them and peace came into our life. His mother passed away a couple of years ago, we read about it in the paper. He did not attend the funeral, on that day we went and adopted ours rescue cats. He said he felt like he wanted to do a good deed on that day. Glad your brother is coming along. He will be weak and tired for some time and have to slowly build his strength back up. I so remember my dad needing 2 of us to get him out of the carwhen he came home after his heart attack .
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Lynn~ yes indeed it's a tangled web the family can weave. It's odd because before my DH #2, I never imagine not having them in my life. But now it's been so long I honestly don't even blink an eye. I speak to my mother and my one brother who just had his attack. The others tried to cry the blues of the sorries after I was diagnosed. Some tears and apologies, but inside they are still the People that chose to behave that way. So I said oh ok. Well I'm not looking for a reunion or anything. Learned that hard lesson. They don't say a leopard doesn't change his spots for nothing. But I am also realizing that, mainly with my son. Since my diagnosis, he's been different. Distant. And I don't know why. It's almost like he doesn't care. It's kinda shocking because he's always been a mommas boy 100%%. Baffling to me honestly. And if I'm honest very hurtful. Makes me very saddened!! I am sorry for the way you have been treated also. I can totally relate to that. My DHs family was actually more upset and worried than my own. (Not mom or bro or even kids, I know that it upsets then but I think they are still in major denial). Much love ~M~
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Had my talk finally with DS, hopefully his new attitude and said understanding of what is expected of him. Three strikes and you're out! I could see him twisting in the wind for two weeks, with no contact with mom. He was feeling uneasy. But tough love sometimes has to happen. Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Mae ~ I somehow missed two episodes of GOT. So I went and watched. Malesandra brought back my Jon Snow!! She is useful for somethings other than always being nude. How scary it was to see her naked as a 100+ year old. Eeeekk. Lol. Hope you're killing your stepping this week. Go girl !! Hugs
Hope everyone is ok, another too warm day for me here. I am so sick of the humid weather, why is it, When summer is officially over, It gets hotter. So weird how that works!!! Much love ~M~
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I know some of you have been on ibrance before perhaps? Did you ever get a terrible sore mouth. Like you ate pizza that was way too hot and the cheese burned your entire mouth.? It's my week off and it's still burning, it really hurts and eating is a challenge! I have biotin and every mouth wash to help, and it does,. But It really is annoying the heck out of me. It's not enough it seems! Ok I Am done complaining! Hope everyone has had a good day. Quiet on the boards today!
I signed up for the in-person user testing in Ardmore that the moderators are advertising for the community, for me it's about an hour drive. So I am going to participate, I am looking forward to seeing the new format they are proposing! It would be so nice to meet some of you, if anyone is local that would be something else! I know you're all not very local. But it would be an awesome opportunity to meet others who are dealing everyday, but a different thing to do to get me out of the house. I hope they get a good number of people !
Much love ~M~
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Get some magic mouthwash it works wonders....
Nothing exciting here another day over, we are getting hot here again...hate it being this hot when kids are in school...no AC at school...keeping it low at home so it is comfortable when they get home.
Having lunch with a college friend/roommate who just had surgery for thyroid cancer tomorrow so looking forward to that..0 -
Keetmom~ I did get that last time I was at my palliative care doctor. I used it one time and it felt like Novocain, and I drooled like a fool. Maybe I'll try it again. It can't hurt. I also didn't like the way it made me feel like I would gag when swallowing. Some made my throat feel funny. Maybe I used too much? I can agree with the heat showing up again. Annoying and I feel for the kids. I remembered when we didn't have it either. I look back now and wonder how the heck we made it through okay. I remember my legs sticking to the chairs. Yuck! I hope you have a great time with your friend, that is very cool that you can be there for your friend!
Sleep tight!! Much love ~M~
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Hi all, another busy day at work and lunch with my former boss, a former coworker and a current one to catch up on things, we mostly talked about the hurricane flooding. #27/30 rads, only 3 left, which is good because my skin is very red and sore in spots. Nothing else new for now.
Any update on your brother? Hope all is well
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Took a walk with my step brother to the Bonsai garden here. He was amazed since he works on his own bonsais- then lunch- very nice. Super good for him cause he does 24/7 care giving to his sickly and very cranky wife.
Micmel- try warm water gargles with baking soda and or salt. cuts down on the bacteria in your mouth and helps the sores- like 3-4 times per day. I also discovered that I had a problem with sodium lauryl sulfate which is a detergent in almost all toothpastes. causes sores and sore red places. I stopped it and my mouth is so much better. Sensodyne pronamel doesn't have it and toothpastes in health food stores don't- but, Tom's mostly does. got to read the box, not the tube to find it. worth a try.
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Good evening Micmel,
I have been married 38 years and am 60 my husband is 67. We have 16 grandchildren and a loving relationship. Cancer coming back was always something that we were both aware of but neither of us would dwell on it. Now that it's here, even with all the time we've spent together, all the water under the bridge, happiness, sadness, LIFE. I am still jealous of another woman being with him after my demise.
That's another part of love. I want my children/grandchildren to have the inheritance that we both worked for. I think and trust that he will make intelligent decisions but I have written a will just in case.
I am comforted by the hope and prayer that we will be reunited in heaven. If he's there with another woman I know that God will make it alright.
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Mae~thank you for asking about my brother, I am pleased to say that he called me tonight and we talked for about 10 mins. Didn't want to wear him out. But told him how I feel about him. He said they are still talking pace maker....they are still closely monitoring him. They did say if he didn't get there timely. He wouldn't have survived. That is a scary thing to hear. Had he gone back to sleep instead of going to the hospital like he wanted to, he wouldn't be here. So thanks for the good thoughts and good vibes. Glad you spent some time with your co workers. That's always nice, catching up can be fun. I am sorry to hear your skin is sore, is there anything that you can put on it, like that silver cream for burns? That helped me when I burned my hand badly. Almost there Mae, only three more days. I am amazed at how well you are sailing through this. So glad.
NKB~thank you for the suggestion for my mouth. I have to try something to ease up the pain. Not enjoyable. I have never seen a bonsai garden. Been to a big garden place before but they didn't have bonsai or I missed it. Sounds very peaceful to me. I hope your step brother enjoyed his time with you!! Nothing like lunch out with family. Someone close to me,. Just brought me over another tooth paste tonight. I'm going to look at the box. It doesn't have alcohol in it, or fluoride, but I need to check. I do like a sensitive toothpaste because my teeth can't handle coldness. Really is uncomfortable! Thanks again for the suggestions. Hope everyone has a good nights sleep ! Much love ~M~
Claudia~ you ok? Been a few days!! Hope your fall hasn't given you any problems. Hope you're doing ok.
Nan~ Glad the wedding was all you wanted it to be and much more. Can wait to see the photos!
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Micmel, when I use the magic mouthwash I put it on a q tip and apply directly to the sore area. It has helped me a lot. I had a couple of months there where I had some bad mouth ulcers but that seems to have passed.
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Micmel-So great that you got to talk to your brother tonight-what a close call he had.
When I started Ibrance my mouth got very sore so I started eating Greek yoghurt every day. I eat it with the meal that I take my Ibrance and it completely did the trick. Have you tried that? I am so paranoid about it that I eat yoghurt every day, even when I'm on my off week.
Sweet dreams to everyone.
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Good morning ladies ~. I am going to try some of those things for my mouth, thing is, this is my week off and I want to feel better, before I start again round #11, I would like it to heal because it will just start all over again and carry over month to month. So annoying, but I'll take it to continue to be stable and continue on This medicine that is working for me!!
I have seen such hooplah and actually madness over the upcoming month of October and it being breast cancer awareness month. I never really even gave too much thought on this topic before now. The whole pink for Boobies campaign for awareness is freaking people out, I can't say that I am a big fan of bringing attention To my boobs, and I have never liked the color pink, since the day I was diagnosed, but for Young girls, pink is everything. I don't like associating any color with sickness. But the money that's raised is important, so how do you raise money without some gimmick?. Time and time again. Year after year? I just never realized how that made so many people mad. I have to admit some of the advertising I have seen, does make you scratch your head some. What do you guys think ?
Much love ~M~
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Tanya~ welcome to our little place!! I know the feeling that love brings to you when you know you have your person. I can't imagine someone else loving him. He's my other half and my best friend. I am so envious that you have that many grand children. I am so hopeful that the medicines they have now, that I have a sliver of any hope of seeing a grand child. They must bring you such joy!! I can't even imagine how complete that would make my life! Although I certainly would never rush them to have that happen before they were really ready. That could be very bad. Especially for my son, it seems the boys are slower to mature. I wonder why that is? Could it have something to do with being a mamas boy? After 38 years of being married to one person , I am not sure that anyone could ever take your place. My DH is only 52 and he has already said , once you find that person, how can you even allow someone else to enter his heart, the entire process of building that trust and bond isn't something he wishes to even bother with. He said it's like one and done. Although, I would not want him to be lonely. It's such a hard topic. That still crushes me daily. Good thing for anti depressants! They are helping tremendously! Hope you'll come around and join us at the table here in our little pub. Anything that you need to say, vent , share, anything t all. We are here to listen. We have a nice group of wonderfully strong smart women!! You should fit right in. Hugs !!
Much love ~M~
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Good morning ladies! Tonga, it was so nice to read your story about you and your Dh, 30 years Wow! That is great! I completely understand that jealous feeling when you think of your Dh moving on after you are gone. I try very hard not to think about it, but I am very aware of the fact that he is only 56, so it could very well happen. Like you, I was concerned about the money, so I put everything I could into a trust for my grandchildren. My ds and dil are doing fine, so I wanted the money to go to our 2 grandsons. I can't even wrap my head around 16 grandchildren. Wow! How do you remember all their names and birthdays? I bet you have huge holiday gatherings at your house! Now that I would love! Glad to see you hear!
Micmel, so sorry to hear about your brother. Sending prayers your way. All seems to be healing from my fall. Like keetmom, just keeping busy with everyday life. We have a lot of little things that need to be taken care of before our trip.
Mae, glad you are handling read well!
Nan, the wedding?
Waving hi to everyone else!
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Claudia~So glad that you're here! I was worried that your fall had some problem occur! I can understand getting ready for your trip, can be time consuming. But also exciting! You're amazing to think you'll be riding horses! I don't know if my bones could take it!! Did you tell your oncologist that you're taking a few weeks off? I know you mentioned you weren't sure if he would agree or not! I hope you have a blast and make some good memories, you are something else ! When will you be leaving? Just be safe! Hope the cleanup is officially complete!! Much love ~M~
I talked to Nan, she had a blast and her DD looked amazingly beautiful, she is going to be posting soon. She is recovering and having some blood, she's been non. Stop moving. But sounds happy and strong!!
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Micmel
All of my grandchildren are a gift and hold a special place in my heart. Five of them live across the street from us. After my daughters divorce they lived with us for two years. It was stressful for my husband but I enjoyed all the hustle bustle and noise of kids. Since they moved out last year my youngest granddaughter visits almost daily. Her twin brother follows sometimes to see if she is getting any goodies, of course I have goodies lol. I appreciate the love, concern and care.
I will try the Greek yogurt for the mouth sores. They just started this month and I've read a lot about them.
Any tips.
I was feeling really negative last night and feel much better this morning. I'm grateful for the group.
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So I go out to grab some lunch and I come back to my dog, standing over my pack of ibrance. He jumped up on the end cap of my entertainment center.
Luckily, this has been my week off, and they were empty. I certainly will be moving the location of the pills for the next months cycle. I am not sure if he thought they were food. I know they don't smell well. But I was worried for a Split second, that he ingested some of them, which I am sure would not be good thing for my dog! Having dogs is sometimes worse than the toddlers! Much love~M~
Mae~ watched American horror getting weirder and weirder. But I'm liking it. I like Evan Peters! He's crazy good! Not seeing too many returning people this season! I miss Jessica Lange she was the Diva, but I did see Emma Roberts in the previews!
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Tanya~ I know exactly how you feel. I have great days, and others I am hit with the reality and fears. I have made some close friends here and I know that somedays, this place has been my saving grace. Sharing stories, sharing anger, sharing good times and happy things that make our world go around. I can only imagine the feeling I would have seeing one of my grand children bopping up to our home!! I would love the chance to give them showers of love and memories. Having them live across the street would be something story books are made of. Once again. Welcome and glad you're here. Hugs ~M~
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Had lunch with one of my college roommates today, we came up with 6 people in our group of friends who have had cancer already, (we are 47) and this is in the people we still have contact with...blows me away..
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Keetmom~I sometimes wonder if it could be our food. Who knows what they do to it before we even have it reach the grocery stores. Or environmental? I am not a bad or heavy eater, and I was very physically fit when I was diagnosed. I can't imagine what else it could be, when it seems like so many people are effected. I am sorry that six friends are dealing with this. As we know, it's a roller coaster, that's why I want to live now, while I feel good! Just endless fatigue. Hope you had a good time with your classmate! Hugs ~M~
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Keetsmom- It does seem like so many people have cancer. My mom (who got esophageal cancer, and breast cancer) told me that no one in her family had ever gotten cancer before- her mom died at 94 and her dad at 98 without cancer. Where is it all coming from?
Many years ago there was a report saying that if we moved to an area with really low breast cancer rates and lived there a long time our breast cancer risk would be the same as theirs (low) if they moved from a low breast cancer country to ours and lived here a long time theirs would increase to our rate. That makes me think that it is environmental- but, what are the toxins?
I was at a party recently talking to a person I had never met (no one at this party knew I have cancer) we were talking about art-out of the blue she said "and everyone has cancer" Before I could think of a reply it was announced that the cake was ready. I don't know what I would have said, but, obviously everyone is noticing all this new cancer.
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I've been thinking a lot lately about pinktober. The month of October is SECC (State Employees Chartiable Campain) and each year my group makes and sells breakfast tacos with the profits going to the charity of our choice. We had an employee pass away earlier this year from lymphoma and I will be putting my still baldish head front and center to get the most money I can out of people, shameless in my pursuit of donations, lol. Haven't decided who the check will go to yet though.
Bigbhome, I don't recall a fall or a trip, sorry. Well, glad you're healing and have fun!
Tanya, welcome and yeah, 16 grandkids, wow!
Keetmom, that certainly sounds like a cancer cluster, wonder what the connection is.
Micmel, tonight is the Big Brother finale. I'm ready! Also, yes American Horror is on Tuesday this year (previously on Wednesday) but we watch it at my house on Sunday night.
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Well and we all had different kinds of cancer, 2 I don't know, 2 breast, 1 lymphoma (I think) and thyroid, the thyroid cancer sounds like she grew up in a cancer cluster, and all over years not all at once...still interesting, and there are people who we aren't in contact with anymore...
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I believe there is something to the food and environmental issues. It's just increasing too much. When I watch the traffic, that comes and goes In the cancer centers. It's like a deli counter. You line up waiting for a chair and sometimes you take a number. There are so many people who have cancer, and they are turning up younger and younger. There is really an increase of detections in women under 50, even as to say young women in their 20's. It's quite scary because now my DD has an increased risk just because I have it. No one in my family has really ever had cancer, my aunt had lung cancer , but she was never without a cigarette, and she died way too young. But that was it. Both sides, nothing. Just me and I Am the youngest of four kids, doesn't make sense none! Hugs ~M~
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Mae~ very sorry about your co worker, that is never easy, I think that whenever you can raise money for a good cause it should be done. Most times there is so many charities and donations wanted, the companies themselves have to keep the campaigns bigger and better Than the next, in order to keep them in the light and making sure they get the most donations and attention. I try not to pay attention to the hooplah. But I have had some wonderful people help me as well since I've been sick. I am very greatful for any awareness to metastatic breast cancer and how the struggle is difficult. Any little bit helps. I don't really like pink anyway. But I am not going to complain about fund raisers, if in anyway I would end up benefitting from it, I would be a hypocrite! Rest well. Big brother finale! Starting now! 2 hours ! Hope I make it. ~M~
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I Just got off the phone with my brother. I am amazed at the hospitals these days seriously. He had a major heart attack and three stents put in on Monday very early morning. They released him today. It's Wednesday!!! That's not even a full three days. They will just patch you up and send you walking with your new stents and all. I cannot imagine being in ICU on Monday and being released on Wednesday. To me that seems awfully rushed. Even scares me. I would think that they would be watching him a little longer to make sure that he remains stable, and or any signs of infection. He did mention rehabilitation starting in a little over a week, it's all just so fast to me. The good things is he's seeing a nutritionist next week. I was thinking that may be a good idea for myself. I would really like to understand more about a good diet. I am a bird eater. I really only eat two meals a day with one snack. But I would prefer smaller meals,ones that are healthy. More balanced. Let's say. But I am thankful that my brother is home. What a scary thing,. I could hear the fear in his voice. Life is so precious sleep well everyone ~M~
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had a wonderful time at the wedding.....it was a priceless day.....Ica keep needing blood transfusions, I've had 1-2 bags every week for over a month and double doses of procrit....anyone hear of that for so long?.... I'm so tired I can't type straight...
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Nan, your pictures are BEAUTIFUL!! Rest up now that it's all over, I can only imagine how tired you are.
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NAN~ my sweetheat❤️❤️!! Hi honey! Welcome home!I am beyond amazed at how beautiful those pictures are. She is so beautiful, her hair looks amazing. You did a wonderful job on her hair Mother!!!😊 Such a perfect bride and brides parents. You my love. Look amazing. That dress is elegant and a perfect choice for you. You really look fabulous! I can't believe she's a married woman now. So many wonderful memories made, so happy you got to experience such a milestone in her life, and for the proud parents. You and your DH, look soooo good together and happy........ maybe now that you're not constantly moving around and planning always running all about, And searching for your dress. Now maybe your need for transfusions will be less. I don't think your poor body had any chance to rest up at all. You were burning the candle at both ends. Your body was burning all of your energy before it had the time to store it up to make your body stronger. I know someone who has had quite a few transfusions and she does need them when her numbers get really low! How often do you have to have them.?You should really be resting after the past few months of craziness. I have missed you very much my friend. Love you very much as well !! Welcome home! Big hugs ~M~ I am sooo glad you're here!! Who is the little cutie pie in the pic with your DD? Precious!!
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Good Morning Lynn~ hope all is good in your world. I feel tired already and I just woke up!! It's a shower day. Another chance for me to see what I have become. I used to hate shower days before. I wish now I could just wash that long hair again 😞 Now it's curly and short. Who Is this person looking back at me?. I don't know. I am sorry you won't be able to make the breast cancer.org meeting on Tuesday, would be so nice to meet you, since you're local I hope everyone has a great day! All be safe! Hugs ~M~
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Nan-both you and your daughter look absolutely gorgeous! Looks like it was a wonderful celebration. Thanks for sharing the pictures.
Micmel and friends-This is my "Happy to be Alive" day. One year ago I received my diagnosis of being grossly metastatic. It's been a rough year at times but I am feeling so grateful to be alive and feeling so much better than I did a year ago. I had a scare earlier this week-my chem panel showed that my alkaline phosphate had doubled over the past month which made me think that cancer was back in my liver. I got an edited result today and it looks back to normal. Phew! I thank God for all the blessings and support of this past year.
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Chicago~ Congrats! One year! I am pleased that you got your blood work updated. That is some scary stuff there I honestly wonder why things like that even happen. It's already scary enough worrying every day about every single ache and pain that comes along. I am very thankful for your getting a revised result. No one needs that kind of scare!! I hope that you can have many many More years of doing so well. January 23, of 2018 will Be two years for me. I was diagnosed in January 23,2016 de novo! Out of the gate!! Let's all keep making sure these years turn into decades ! Big hugs~M~
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Nan, You and your dh make a beautiful couple! Your dd...Wow!! You did her hair? Oh my...I'm So impressed!!! I'm so glad it was a wonderful memory for you and your family! You worked so hard to get there!! I agree with Micmel, now that the wedding is over, you need some serious rest!! You have been going strong for a long time! Do yourself a favor and be kind to yourself. Maybe a relaxing day at a spa, or some restorative yoga and rest, rest, rest!
Chicagoan, Yahoo to a year!! This calls for a big celebration!🎉🎈🎶 Doing the happy dance for you!
Micmel, that is great news about your brother! I know it seems fast, but they feel patients do better at home. Keep an eye on him for emotional issues. Sometimes cardiac patients go into depression afterwards. I think it has something to do with facing their own mortality.
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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hi mic, the little dollie with my daughter is my grand daughter, she just turned 4.......i have been getting blood transfusions once a week and the double dose of procrit weekly....it seems like alot to me and the thing is that its keeping my numbers stable but not bringing them up at all.....wondering where i would drop to without it.....this has been going on for over a month....keep shining bright
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Nan~ omg she is a little angel. Wow good looking family you have my dear. Including yourself! Lovely lady. I hope upon hope I'll be able to see that happen for my daughter, not so much the grand child because they aren't ready for that. No way. But getting married. I want nothing more than to watch them grow into themselves and find their person. I really hope you get rest. Please start to feel better. Hopefully once you settle down, your numbers will start to rise again, since your not over doing it anymore. I Am sending good thoughts and thank you for sharing your special family's moments with us! Love you lots.
Claudia~hello sweetheart. How is the preparation coming for your trip? When are you leaving.? I thought I remembered a MRI coming up soon? I can't believe that you said something about my brother going home so soon, and depression. I literally just got a text from him saying he couldn't sleep because of the anxiety from everything that happened flashing before his eyes. He said he feels depressed! They have him on Wellbutrin, you know your stuff!! Hoping you're feeling well!
Shout outs to Keetmom , Nkb, Tanya, Scwilly, Lynne (50's girl) and anyone else my tired brain missed!much love all ~M~
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Lol Micmel and friends lol sounds like a morning show on cable news television. That made me laugh Chicago lol
🍭🍹🍹🎆🎈💥💫😘💐 congrats on one year my friend!!! Here is to many many more !!
~M~
Mae~ I am so annoyed at the jury people on big brother. Are they serious right now ? There is no way Josh should have won. They are sore losers. Paul stole the show. I am so mad. Alex and Jason. What babies. Elena needs a better bra and new hair color! Mark, you idiot don't you remember Josh throwing condiments in your face? Good job Matt and Raven, you're not as dumb as you seemed, at least you both voted correctly! Cody, If You weren't cute, there would be nothing to you! Christmas, I adored! Kevin is a cool dude! Stupid stupid!
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Nan- I don't know you, but, beautiful dresses and smiles in your pictures. I'm so glad it went well.
Micmel- One reason in favor of leaving a hospital earlier is that hospitals are full of very sick people and you can get infections and other illness the longer you are there,when you are in a very vulnerable health state yourself. Also ICUs are super stressful places to be and people often get ulcers when they stay there a while. If your brother knows he needs to make lifestyle changes that can be very anxiety provoking also. I think having an experience like his is very scary and leaves you not trusting your body to work correctly for awhile. He will need to build up confidence again.
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NKB~ Hi there! I hope you're having a good day! I guess what you said does make a lot of sense. I do totally agree that the trust in his body will take time and he will need to slowly make changes, and be watched by his doctor. I guess I just am also worried it will happen again. I talked to him last night and I still think he is in shock about what happened. I know I am. I hope all is good with you and yours. Hugs! ~M~
We all know that hospitals are crawling with infection so I do agree. But something so life threatening sends you into paincattacks. Which he has been fighting off this afternoon. So scary
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Micmel - My husband totally agreed with you about Big Brother. I read him what you wrote and he said that summed it up!
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Mistyeyes~hello darling! Welcome to our thread! Lol!! I have to say that made me laugh!! I am so pleased I am. Not alone in that feeling! I mean seriously? People are just dumb sometimes. I mean only a fool could even try to understand what the heck Josh was saying during his speech! Paul was awesome. Makes me so mad. I cant believe there isn't more backlash being mentioned, because that sucked. Puppetmaster Paul! All the way!
And lol at Raven calling Herself a puppet master. Lol wake up woman.
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time for some Game Of Thrones, then to sleep. I have to say I just don't ever sleep like I used to. I feel like every night I am up two or three times a night. It is really annoying. I have a hell of a time falling asleep. I tossand turn. I already have my left arm that is bad from Lymphedema, and my right arm has Thoracic outlet syndrome from a prior injury/tubing accident. I have limited feeling onky nerve pain 24/7. Laying on that feels like needles and stabbing pains. Laying on my left arm feels like pressure and pain. Now I constantly have to move To avoid pain. Drives Someone's crazy. I know they didn't really explain what lymphedema really is. When you're going through something so scary, you just don't really comprehend the chances. Rest well ladies ~M~
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Good morning~Happy Friday! My DH and DSSS are coming up for the weekend! It's supposed to be hot, which I am not really happy with at all. I'm sick of heat and humidity. I need cool air, I want to start walking again, I need something physical to do that isn't inside. I spent most of the winter inside.....so after the "talk" with my DS, yesterday I knew that it was "lawn" day. I didn't mention it because I wanted to see if he taken away anything from the talk we had. He wasn't feeling well, this head cold is making its way around. But low and behold he got up and mowed the lawn and weedwacked and are you sitting down?? Pooper scooped! Be still my beating heart. That should make DH very pleased ! Slowly but surely maybe the snail will learn to take care of his responsibilities more and more. Here is hoping!!🤞 Any plans for the weekend ?
Hope all is ok with everyone and theirs! Hugs ~M~
Why is it that on my last day of my week off of medicine. My tongue starts to feel better? Tomorrow night I start round number #11, then my tongue will start hurting all over again for another many weeks. I am not looking forward to it at all, but in order to stay stable, I'll take It obviously!!! Btw some the remedies did help a lot! I am starting to think that it's all accumulative!
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I just have come to learn that someone, who we all know and care about has received notice of some progression. I am sending out strong thoughts and good vibes to Zarovka! She is a book of knowledge and is always a shining star amongst these clouds of sickness!! You are strong. You are our friend. you are one of us. We care so much. But feel so helpless. Sending love to Z. Sending many strong supportive hugs to her. Always.
Love you guys. ~M~
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Micmel- Congrats on DS and the lawn mowing. If you think about it from your kid's prospective (which I tried to do-remembering what I was like and how willing I was to help as a kid-not) it is not his lawn and he doesn't really care if it is mowed. It is your lawn and you care. So, just presenting it as this is your job if you live here and not trying to make them think about the lawn and care about the lawn or attach their caring about you to how they treat the lawn. Just assign it, give a date and guidelines. our son seemed to be in the Mohawk style of mowing-hope yours does better.
When my DH tried to tell my son to put the toilet seat down for me, my son was all logic about it- how it did not make sense, I should pay attention and not fall into the toilet expecting the seat to be down and it was just as inconvenient for him etc. No argument worked with him. Finally DH said-Look, just do it as a favor to mom, ok-you don't have to agree to the concept-just do it.
Keep in mind that it is said that frontal lobe maturity is complete at 25 years old.
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NKB~ He was great today. Had work at 1245 and got up at nine thirty and did his laundry and changed his sheets. I almost fell over. He said don't be afraid to keep after me, because I know I need it. I was like wow. Hoping against hope it will come around with some loving guidance and coaxing! But it is a challenge to walk the balancing act, between enabling them and it helping them. I know in a few years they will be gone and I'll be an empty nester wishing for those sounds of them coming home. But with this diagnosis, I have to start thinking about being able to live out what I can. Where I want to. Which is with my DH.
Hope you're having a good day today. I went to the grocery store and now I feel like a truck ran over me. Geeze I hate that place. $200 later! Also it's too warm outside again! Yuck
Big hugs ~M~
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YES!!!!!!!
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Oh Mae~ I am so happy that is in the rear view mirror, you're an amazing woman. Ring that damn Bell, you go! I hope the burning is not too bad, I know you said that it was bothering you last time. It's over!! Yaaaaahhhoo! 💥🍹💐💥💥💥😊🎆💫💫 Now you can heal up and be as good as new! I hope you're doing something special this weekend to celebrate!! This is the weekend. That my DH, DD, and her significant other, DS,DSS and Iare all going to see the movie IT! The first time of really doing anything like this. I am hoping that I'll be able to not self combust during the main show! Sunday night American horror? This last one was pretty good. Big hugs ~M~
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Hottest week of whole summer here in WI, not sure I like this looking forward to the cooler summer weather,
Found out yesterday the my Sisters Niece (BILs nephew is same age as him, 2nd marriage for their mom) was diagnosd with breast cancer, they think stage 2 but aggressive don't know to much else haven't talked to her more then say "When you are ready I'm here, sad because she was already on disability for her RA, it amazes me how many people we know who are young and diagnosed with breast cancer.0 -
Keetmom~I agree, most of the people that I see dealing with cancer are actually not even middle age yet. I am a 70's child, was it something then? No smoking in public limitations and or second hand smoke? The paint that covered our walls as children,. Knowing now they contained lead paint? The pipes from my childhood home that were old and contaminated well water, that we drank from every day as children? It has to be something that occurred as a young person. I ate healthy and excersised a lot. I was in great shape and always athletic as a young girl. It's gotta be something we were exposed to, or our food and orenvironment, I am sorry for that person you know as well. It's so upsetting seeing all this cancer all around. There is nothing we can even do about it. Scary thought! hope you and the girls are doing well. Big hugs ~M~
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Exactly! I guess I was middle age at 21, now 42 and doing my best to enjoy my "golden years", lol
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Mae~Congrats on finishing your radiation!! Way to go! Now healing and meeting your step goal everyday! It makes me sad to also think my 47 years is considered more than half of my life. If I think about it I could never think about seeing myself as an old woman. No matter how hard I try I could not see it. I always thought I would die young. Every ache and pain I Am convinced its spread more. Tonight, I start my 11th month of ibrance and every month i worry, is this the month it will fail. What a way to live! Hope all is well! Big hugs hug~M~
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......these days I'm just feeling a bit round!! Or can we just call it fluffy? Hot today in the northeast ! Yuck again. I want fall. Have a good day ladies! ~M~0 -
Micmel- fluffy is one of my favorite words. connotes Warm and cuddly.
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NKB~ I will certainly take that! That works for me. It's the damn Medicine tHat makes me feel like the holiday ham! Going to see IT with my family. Can't wait! Hugs ~M~
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Saw IT tonight with my family. I really enjoyed the movie and being out with them. It's been so long since I could even go any where with out feeling exhausted in a short time. The movie was really good. That clown is pretty scary 🤡 🤡🤡! But really enjoyed being with everyone more then anything. Oh and the pop corn. Now I am going to have to tie my mouth shut, so I can loose the weight from all the pop corn I ate. But i don't usually have that Type of food. The movie was worth seeing! Rest well everyone! ~M~
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I Was playing with the puppy Chief, (the Saint Bernard puppy that I posted a while back) and you know those needle teeth and while I was playing with him and he got a hold of my lymphedema arm! I had no idea that even the littlest scratch could be so damn painful and annoying. It also bled a lot. I didn't know having no lymph nodes in my arm would make my arm bleed that much. Now I have to watch for infection apparently, and it's already a little swollen. And it hurts! Amazing. I never ever gave it another thought. But I am thinking about it now! Anyone else ever have that happen? Geeze. Just what I need. Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Slow on the boards this weekend. Be safe everyone. Hugs ~M~ This damn cancer just screws everything up!
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.......this is the little guy who grabbed a hold of my arm!! But I love love him!
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Cute Puppy! We watched A Dogs Purpose last night it was a good movie....really struggle to find stuff our kids can watch, neither are typical for their age, we have a theater room in our basement and it is getting to time of year where hiding in basement is ok...
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Keetmom~ I want to see that so much. Was it sad? I don't need sad anymore. I am an emotional mess lol. I have been put on antidepressants and it has helped. But the reality is I am sick. Although I have been feeling better. I'm so scared of every ache and pain. I would love to have a theatre in our basement. Considering tv has become my lifeline for distraction! Since my brother had his heart attack, I guess my estranged sister has learned about this and has been giving some things thought. Now she wants to have lunch with me. I haven't seen her in over 13 years at least. Strange territory for me. Complicated issues I don't really need. Have a great Sunday everyone!! ~M~ I hope my arm gets better too! Thanks!!
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Micmel- The darling exuberant puppy! I hope that you heal well. My cat got a little rough a few weeks ago and his teeth grabbed my arm- I was scared for few days-their mouths are more dangerous than dogs. All was well-but, I used antibacterial ointment for a few days also.
I would never see "It", but, I have a DD who would love it. Comedies for me. I did see an old French movie the other night, which was very good-but, did not have a Hollywood ending by a long shot-left me a bit sad. I must say-I like the Hollywood happy endings.
I have an estranged sister-almost everyone I know has some weirdness with a relative or two. Good luck with your re-encounter if you have one.
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Mich--yes there is sadness to it..but it was all around a good movie...any other suggestions of good "Family" movies...don't need to be little kid movies but not scary or too sad or too raunchy
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I enjoyed Pitch perfect, the singing is excellent but.... there are a few curse words although it is rated pg 13. I really enjoyed all of the pitch perfect movies! I didn't remember anything that was terribly inappropriate and overall would watch it again, recommend them both. If you haven't seen it. And of course high school musical. Hugs ~M~
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NKB~ IT was very scary but very well done. I enjoyed the clown tremendously! My family went together 6 of us went and that to me is what it's really all about. I love seeing everyone together. The laughs the jokes. The closeness that is between our little blended family. couldnt ask for more. Of course I wouldn't ever want to have cancer. That would be the only thing i would need ! Yeah I have to watch my arm. Irritated already. I can see. Not sure what to do next about the estrangement with my sister. Her drama filled life, my not so drama life. Is why I never really missed her. She was never a happy person. Her kids except for one, had been in constant trouble and drugs. One of her daughters had a child born while being in jail. I was so saddened by that. The child she had in jail is now living with my sister, and my sister is raising her! She is 56 and is raising an elementary school child no more than 6?I have never seen her ever. I didn't want my kids around that type of life so I made the choice to keep the estrangement. My kids could have been subjected to that, just by being family. I can't say I regret the estrangement at all. My kids are doing well.
Happy Sunday everyone!
Mae~? American Horror night for you friend? Enjoy. Hope you had a good weekend! What's on the menu for the friends visit
Claudia~ have you left already ? Miss your sweet self around! ❤️
Nan~ love you !
Chicago~Hope all is well with you and yours!
Lynn~ sooo darn warm. Enough is enough!
Hugs to all ~M~
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Super cute pup Micmel, I'm watching Inferno, hadn't seen it before but I love tom hanks. Then I've got to get dinner ready for my Sunday night dinner and American Horror Story. I'm on wound duty too, I have some peeling skin and a big blister from radiation. A speedy recovery for all
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Would it violate netiquette if I steal the "What Movie to Watch" idea, and start a new conversation about it? I've been trapped in the sofa for the past few days, and have run out of fun things to view.
It would be lovely to have a TV/Movie section to refer to when casting about for something new, from trusted sources, who "get" it.
For example, I don't think you guys would ever recommend "Y Tu Mama, Tambien". But my little brother did.
Jennifer
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Jennifer~Hi there and welcome ! I am officially enthralled in Game of Thrones,Shameless, Big little lies series. Breaking Bad, Hand maidens Tales, I know someone here mentioned a series called Preacher, (Mae I believe) On Amc I think. Not that totally sure though n the channel, am going To check it out soon. I saw IT this weekend and it was fabulous,honestly the best thriller horror I have seen in decades really because it seems all has been done! If you would like to start a new thread, Go for it! I started this one for family issues,relationship issues. Or basically any darn issue you feel like it. Just not always consumed with cancer talk. We all know why we are here. I want to hear about your happiness and things that make your world go around. That's what to me is most important! I am so sick of talking about cancer some days. I can't take it. When I come here. I get away from the side effects and all the medicine talk and unfortunate progress that we all inevitably face at one point or another! Hope you have an excellent Sunday night! On to Game of Thrones. I have no idea what the heck I'll watch when I am through. Yikes! Hugs ~M~
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Mae~Sorry to hear about your blistering. Please take care of that. I wish that you didn't have that happen! But so glad you're finished. There are no words I am sure. What's on the menu tonight? I am not sure what I'll have,DH and DSS have left to go back down for work and school this week again. Next weekend DH has vacation from the 29 until like October 8th so I am thrilled. Can't wait. We plan do some day trips. A romantic picnic in the state park. A couple of drives in the country to see the little stands, they have crafts and fall decor items. I do enjoy fall! Enjoy American Horror, real good one! Hugs~M~
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Micmel, I have a similar situation with my sister. When our father died 7 years ago, she pulled away from the family, stating she needed to grieve "her father" in private. I called her many times, begged her not to push us away but to no avail. The care of our mother was left to my brother and I. When I got my mets diagnosis, she left me a tearful voicemail professing her love and concern and wanting to see me. I cried when I heard it but it's too late, I did not respond. I guess she didn't want a living sister but she wants a dying one. Go figure. I tell or here's that I love her...from a distance. Too much water under the bridge and I dont need the drama. Just my opinion .
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Lynn~I am seeing that more and more people do have an estranged family member, like NKB said. I just didn't realize how common it was. When I got a divorce, some of my family didn't like it I guess and chose him. They thought they would see my kids more if they were on his side, since I had decided I didn't need anyone to tell me how to live my life. I wasn't happy and that was just plain it. So in that process, I lost one sister, three nieces, a nephew, a brother, a step monster, and my real father. And some great nieces and nephews. I did put together an amazing family of my own and I'm never going to look back. When I got sick, they decided they were sorry, but my DH now, and my kids and my step son, my DH's family , my real mother and my oldest brother, who just had a heart attack didn't leave ny side......so like you said......water under the bridge. I was done! Have a great evening good to see you! Hugs ~M~
I am sorry that happened to you too and I am sorry for the loss of your father.
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hello my friends....i'm worried and i need some support....i was due to start my 6th or 7th cycle of havalen on friday, i got 2 bags of blood instead....onc set me up for a bone marrow biopsy this thursday......WHAT???....
family movies....this one might be fun just trying to find....i'm a huge bowie fan and one day when my DD was little we were at the video store (remember those) and she says "hey mom, isn't this the guy you like?"...sure enough Davids face on a movie called "Mr. Rice's Secret"....this is an after school special type movie but the story is just wonderful...my DD would have been in 3rd or 4th grade and she still remembers how much we enjoyed that movie together....i dont do sad or tear jerker movies so dont be put off when you find out that the little boy the movie centers around has cancer....its been a long time since i've seen it but as far as family movies go, its a fav
so....anyone ever have to have a bone marrow biopsy before?....why does this sound so scary?
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Go for it Jennifer! I need more ideas of what to watch...I watched old Modern Families this weekend..not sure why I didn't start watching sooner..
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Nan~Hello love! Usually they order a bone marrow Biopsy, if your white and red blood cells are either too high or too low. I also believe if your platelets are also too low they order that specific test as well. I guess they are trying to figure out why You're needing so much blood to keep you at your stable numbers from blood work. I also know that test to rule out certain blood disorders. I know someone who was also having to have blood transfusions constantly, she was also tested for the bone narrow,. It turns out to just be neutropenia/serious anemia. That could be the route they are thinking with low neutrophils. You want to be able to make sure you have no complications if that is what's going on. It'd be better to know that. Than To not know. I also think you need a lot of rest,. You have been on over drive for a while now. It time for a serious break and get some extra rest. It can only help. Also,. Make sure you ask your doctor. make sure he DOES answer every question possible that you may have, write them down!! I hope you get the information you need. I'll be sending good thoughts. Big hugs ~M~
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Speaking of Bowie and movies, it's hard to find but I remember loving the Linguini Incident many, many years ago.
Micmel, dinner was penne with an alfredo and turkey meatballs with Parmesan zucchini sticks and ciabatta garlic bread.
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Nan- I had one in early June. It's how my bone mets and bone marrow mets were diagnosed. It's a quick way to find out what the marrow is up to instead of trying to guess why it is not making enough cells. You usually lie on your stomach, they numb up the upper hip area and stick a needle in -to get bone and to get aspirant if they can. (the liquidy stuff) I did not feel pain really, but, lots of pressure. It was hard for him to do because I had already had a lot of Zometa infusions over the last 3 years which made my bones so hard. The area was sore for several days afterwards.
Occationally they do it in your sternum instead.
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Keetmom~ Great show! Always worth a good laugh. I have watched that show for years, really good series. Like everyone on it. A good funny sitcom I love is called Playing House,I think it might be TBS. really good show about two High school friends that end up living together because one of them gets pregnant and divorced, and other one comes back from a career, to help her best friend take care of the baby and moves in with her, because the divorce is not far away from being done. They catch the friends DH skyping with a Russian pay me for phone sex woman, and during her baby shower, then run a"when you were young video" for the mom to be as a sweet thoughtful gift from her brother and best friend, and the wireless starts interfering and showing her DH in a compromising conversation and action with this Russian person from the basement There is no nudity or anything but the insinuation is clear It's a very funny comedy. I enjoy that one as well! of course Funniest Home videos my kids used to watch those for hours. I also laughed a lot. I am going to keep thinking! Have a good night. Sleep well ladies. Hugs ~M~
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Mae~ sounds like someone likes to cook! I have to admit, the cook in my house is my DH, he is fabulous. That sounds delicious also. I hope you had another great night with your friends. You must be exhausted after hosting the dinner every week and still having to finish your radiation this week! At least that is done! Loved David Bowie, but never heard of those. Gotta see what you mean ! Have a great sleep. Hugs ~M~
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NKB~ did they suggest you have one because your counts were low.? I don't know a whole lot about that. I thought that is what it sounded like to me. Is this an outpatient procedure? .......My sister wants to take me to lunch next Friday. I don't know what I would possibly say. I am just going to listen and make sure she understands I think she's a jerk. Jk. Lol well almost.
Nan~ hope you're able to get that done and over with soon. I'll be thinking of you as usual! Hopefully you're just over exhausted,l. But I know you have been over tired lately. Hopefully it's one test and done other Than dealing with Any other tests.
Sleep well ladies, good night ! ~M~
Another week no doctors appointments! I'll take it. Do you ladies who have a port, have them flushed regularly? I'm just wondering. Because they won't be accessing mine for three months. Didn't know if that was ok or not
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Micmel- I was getting shortness of breath with exercise otherwise felt fine. I did a CBC to look for anemia and I was very anemic (which could be due to low iron, or B12 or many other happy reasons) but, my white count was a tiny bit low and the platelets were slightly off and my MO said- I'll do a bunch of blood tests for those happy causes, but, since 3 cell lines are low I suspect something else. She said she could go on and on with the blood tests ruling out this and that, but, a bone marrow will give us the answer right away. And it did. I have breast cancer in the bone marrow which crowds out the marrow so it can't make cells well. The Ibrance is working very well on it though and I am getting less anemic! (7.5-->9.6) not normal, but improved.
I like project runway-so now you see where my taste is!
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Yes, outpatient procedure- probably takes 20 minutes total, stay dressed for the most part.
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NKB~I am sorry, I didn't know that you had gone through all of that! That really is something. I didn't realize that you could get breast cancer in your bone marrow. This beast never stops does it? Seems like such a procedure to have as an out patient! But then again my brother had a massive heart attack on Monday And they discharged him almost three full days later, I guess they just do whatever they can to make you leave asap. Due to infection and etc.. when I had my liver resection, I was supposed to be in the ICU for a week. When I woke up, I was in a regular room. Which for me was excellent, but after having my liver cut and my mastectomy at the Same time. I woke up as a different person. It was a terrible surgery, took forever to even feel half decent. And now my stomach looks like a roadmap and it still feels really weird whenever it's touched. I just plain hate cancer and what it does to the people I love and care about. I wish it would just cease to exist. They need to figure this crap out. AIDS once took many lives. Now they have medicine to take to keep it stable, you don't hear of as many people dying from that anymore, but cancer kills thousands and thousands every year. It's time for a change and a chance. To live. We deserve it.
Hugs to you strong woman. Never saw project runway! But love reality shows! ~M~
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....... please make no mistake. That is not me. lol though Monday's are not my thing. Usually I am missing my DH Terribly! But I am sure all of us have a little bit of this Monday beauty in us! Lmao! Hugs my friends. ~M~0 -
Micmel-Liver resection is much worse that a bone marrow biopsy! I thought that the double mastectomy was no piece of cake either.
I do think that they will turn breast cancer into a chronic disease like high blood pressure or something or be able to cure it completely some day. Just hope it is sooner rather than later.
Making a baby quilt for DD1 and going to work on that today and a long walk. it is a beautiful sunny day here-happy Monday everyone else.
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My dear friends husband has remarried. He was so attentive, kind and loving to my friend as she battled like a beast for a life with him and her son. It was not to be and she left this world young, with an orphaned son. I knew her for four years and the entire time she was ill, in her twenties, breastless and beautiful. I miss her but I'm sure not as much as her mother, siblings, husband; son.
He was smiling in the face of a young woman. His eyes did not have the pain and concern anymore. They looked hopeful for a future with this new love. I am content that his son will have a mother again. I see their needs fulfilled and with a pang in my heart I say congratulations.
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NKB~I wish I knew how to make a quilt. I would love to be able to give my kids something like that for their kids to have just in case my breast cancer starts to wake up again. Every day I wonder. I started round 11 on Saturday, the longer I am on it, I feel both ways, happy because it's working so good, but scared because I do read a lot that it just stops working for some. My palliative care doctor also told me they have two women in the practice, one is 47 months out on ibrance and the other is 42 months out. I would feel thrilled with that. I also know I'm feeling a little out there because I am used to monthly blood work and XGeva shots. But last visit with onc, he said don't need blood work for three months or XGeva. Your levels are steady and have been for a year! You have no measurable disease. I was thrilled. But. I know that by getting monthly blood work helped me stayed grounded and not slip into a dark hole. I have to scan in November. And to be honest. I am already feeling the scanxiety with every click of a day done on the calendar! Very scary feeling always hanging over my head. Sigh. Hate it. Enjoy your quilting time. Be safe on your Monday! Hugs.
Tanya~ it's ok to feel happy for people who find love again. If I am honest, I know that someone as wonderful as my DH will be scooped up by a woman in a second. If he wants that. He will know. Our love, that we have is what story books are made of. We are close and I love him more than I've ever known. He is a very much a loner. He isn't close with anyone but our little blended family together. We are each others best friend. I catch him crying, he cries when the movie is about losing a spouse or someone in love looses another. It hits him hard. I see it in his eyes. It won't be a quick thing, this I know. He still hopes I will outlive him, so he doesn't get to miss me. He wants to go together. I am his , he is mine. If I should go first. I wouldn't want him alone. I won't haunt him if he does find someone worth his time. If she isn't. However, then i ay consider a good haunting. 😉 Have a great day and welcome back!! ~M~
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Micmel- I knew how to sew already, but, hadn't in years. A friend of mine who quilts a lot-her DH died suddenly and I wanted to have a project together with her to stay extra connected. I just stumbled along and got her advice and it has been fun.
On the subject of worrying about cancer- it is stupid for me to say this- but, if someone had told me hey you are going to have 4 years without problems- I would have worried a lot less. We did travel a lot and try to act normal-but, it was on my mind daily and made me feel less valid. I actually feel less worried now-maybe because the other shoe has and dropped and so far not too bad. I'm not as young as you though. Also-this may not be meaningful-but, I think of people who have it worse than me and decide I am fine. My MO kept saying go out and live your life-but, I don't think I understood it until now. My first MO said "everyone has a cloud over their head-yours is just bigger".
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NKB~ I try not to worry but the reality scares me. I am 47 and don't want to go any where away from my sweet DH. He's my world. Plus my kids as well. I adore my family, as we all do of course. All of this cancer crap, came out of now where for me. The day I was diagnosed I ran 6.5 miles and I lifted weights at least three times a week, ran at least 4 miles a day if not more, four times a week! I was nick named tank. Not a large bmi at all. Then all of a sudden I was extremely exhausted and felt like I could never get rested. Then came the diagnosis. I was also having upper respiratory infections every 8 weeks or pneumonia, bronchitis, sinus, etc. for over two years. We thought it was because of my breathing on one lung! But it wasn't. It was breast cancer. I went in on a Wednesday for a mammogram,got pulled from the mammogram, directly into an ultra sound, ushered into an office saying oh we need an immediate biopsy. We are very concerned,we should do the biopsy like right now. Come this way. I knew that moment, my life would change forever. I knew I had it. When they kneel down to talk to you, you know youre doomed. I had the results less than twenty for hours later. I thinks it's because they knew. It was rushed through he told me. Then he told me, it was confirmed. The gates of hell had opened.
I just hope that something comes along to help us all walk away from having cancer. It's exhausting living with cancer. Mentally is paralyzingly at times! I hope everyone is having a good day. Hugs and good thoughts ~M~
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I was just looking at the number of postings for each individual member of BCO. I wonder how many posts you have to post in order for the number to rise?. My number has been at 1105 for at east 9 or ten posts now. I just wondere if anyone knew when it goes up? Like maybe twenty? Or even more? I just never noticed it before. I thought it went Up per post. Shows you how observant i was lol hugs ~M~
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Now I just looked at it again and it says 1106, but I am sure there are 9 or ten posts that all had the same number of 1105. Weird. It doesn't tick up per post you post here. Just interests me.
The movie it was fabulous, my kids are still mentioning it. I sent my DD this picture saying goodnight my dear. Ha ha ha ha ha lol
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Micmel, now I'm watching too, I wonder when it will make the jump from 1106, curious.....
Glad you enjoyed the movie, I may see it but was very disappointed with the original, that spider thing was so cheesy and laughable, I felt like I had wasted my time. Hopefully, that's not the case now.
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Mae~No cheesy spider in this one!! It was honestly awesome and my DD and her boy friend, went two times to see it, that's how much they enjoyed it. Nothing like the mini series that was ran on tv in the early nineties! This clown is actually creepy and the kids are great in the movie. Actually funny even. You immediately start to root for the kids. I recommend seeing it!!!
Now my counter has gone up again to 1107. Last night it said first 1105 for about 9 posts. Now this morning I see it now says 1107. Before I went to bed, it had 1106. I am going to ask today, at the BCO testing user session today that I am going to in a few hours. I'm going to ask a few questions about the functions of the website! I hope you enjoyed your American Horror Story!!! I did !
Hugs to you Mae! ~M~
Now it says 1108. lol I don't get it !!
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.....this is how I found my dog asleep last night when I woke up. It looks like he had a hard night partying!! Look at his feet, they are not on the ground. His head isn't on the couch. It's onthe grey ottoman next to the couch in our living room lol 😂 too funny animals are. Hope everyone is safe, and hope we have a pain free week! Much love ~M~0 -
Everyday I am trying to get out and do something at least out of the house. Today I took a nice drive about an hour a way each way..it was a beautiful day. I had the window down and I thought that somehow it felt different then the times I had done that before. It somehow felt like the air smelled more alive. The sounds sounded more profound and I was aware of my surroundings more. The busy lives of people who go day to day not having a large grey cloud hanging above their head. Following me wherever I go, worrying everyday,everybody around me slightly different. But you can't put your finger on it directly, because you changed...... my life is no longer my own...~M~
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Micmel, truer words were never spoken.
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i saw this article not too long ago about what things people will say to cancer patients. From people who of course have never had cancer at all. I would imagine each and everyone of us has had someone say something to them. That made their heads spin. Mine was the other day at the grocery store. I have lived here for almost 20 years. I know someone wherever I go. So I was shopping and barely getting done the shopping on my list. I saw someone I knew and they said "oh you look great!" Well while inside I was counting down the seconds to be at home in the air conditioning blasting on me, laying in my bed. I need a recovery period after a shopping trip! Another good one is. This ones classic for me. "Ohhh why did you cut your hair?!" Now this one crushed me beyond crushed. Because my hair was way down the middle of my back. I looked at her with my mouth open, and forced back my tears, and responded with " I had to have chemotherapy to try and save my life". Well that certainly shut her up. But then I cried the whole way home. Any of you have something that someone has said to you, that made you either want to choke them right there and then? , or something that truly hurt to the core?I know I uttered out loud one day to myself while I was looking In the mirror. " you used to be so beautiful, you're not beautiful anymore." I was devastated! I still am. Share the stupid ass things people have said to you. Let's comply a list. I don't care how many we come up with !! It is a topic that bugs the hell out of me. ! Hugs to all.!!
Thank you Lynn. I am sure you have some to add. Lol we all must. ~M~
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Of course there's the random strangers who see my bald head and say "you can beat this!", I know they mean well but hello, stage IV here, ugh. The most offensive was recently and from my mother who was dxd a couple years ago with stage 1 BC and had been through treatment. She emailed me during Hurricane Harvey to see if we made it through without flooding and said "cancer is just a minor thing compared to Mother Nature". Oh sure, no worries then.
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You have to be positive, don't give up, you got this,
My friends mothers cousins best friends uncles sister died from breast cancer and it was horrible. But you'll be just fine, don't even worry.
Do you have a will done yet?
Since you have your hair back, you must be done treatment and feel better.
You should start praying more.
Those are a few I have run into since diagnosis!
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My cousin (male) invited me out for lunch and then said"Don't you feel terrible when you look in the mirror?" Unbelievable!
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Did the Medicine youre on make you gain weight?
Did loosing your boob hurt?
You don't look sick..... honestly you don't ...I would tell you if you did.
I've been thinking about you, I always ask your kids how you are. (Um why don't you ask me?, I'm still here)
Are you going to make it? (Gee. How the hell do I know)
I guess the medicine is really expensive huh? How do you manage?
Some women's husband leave them, when they get sick you know ?
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Love stories: Tom and I knew each other from the time we were little kids. My dad and his uncle were best friends growing up and all through high school and after school. So I knew his family and his extended family and he knew my family. He and my big brother were friends. They used to throw rocks at me when I was little. I was that obnoxious little sister or kid sister who idolized my big brother, and wanted to do everything he did. Needless to say my brother and Tom didn't want me around. We both grew up and went separate ways. He moved away from our hometown when he was a young teenager. I married a hometown boy and had kids. Tom never married. After I was divorced a friend of mine was joking one night and said ," you should date Tom ." To which I answered, that would be kind of like dating your cousin. But that friend ended up inviting us both to go camping. When we got to the campgrounds I asked my friend and his wife, where in his tent he wanted me to put my sleeping bag. He said, " oh you're sleeping in Tom's tent". Boy oh boy was I nervous. But I figured what the heck I've known him my whole life and he's never been interested in me so I should be OK. That night when everyone went to bed I got into my sleeping bag and zipped it all the way up to my neck and said" thanks Tom for letting me bunk in your tent tonight. I've had a lot of fun." Then I rolled over and went to sleep. Now at this point in my life I was 29, divorced and raising two kids by myself. Tom was 32 and had never been married. He told me later in our life that that night made him fall in love with me. He thought it was really cute that I was so standoffish. We started dating the next week. We were married six months later until five years ago when I lost Tom to multiple health problems. He was the love of my life and will always be. And I was the love of his life, and was until his death. That's the end of my love story. We had that happy ending, until death we did part. Now I hope and pray that Heaven is real, and that someday Our Love story will continue in a different realm.
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my very best friend in the entire world came to stay with me one day after I had had my mastectomy and Tom didn't want me to be at home by myself. So she came and after a little bit she said " you know, there's a lot to be said about quality of life over quantity of life." She was referring to the fact that I had decided to do chemo. I really wanted to look at her and ask her if she would feel better if I just died now. But I didn't ! Grrrrr! Needless to say she was never my best friend again !
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Gracie, the thought of losing my love,is almost more than I can bare. My dh is my everything! I nearly lost him in an accident earlier this year. He is still recovering. My heart hurts,reading your post! I love this thread,because it is about love and life. The only two things that matter!!!
Love Chelle.
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Gracie~ my sweet friend, welcome,welcome!! I was tearing up when I read that beautiful love story. I have been collecting as many as I can here. I loved the part when you just fell asleep in his tent, so sweet and innocent. That just warms my heart. I am so happy that you found your love and happiness, but my heart truly aches to think you had to go through losing him. You're amazing! I have always thought and knew in my mind. That I would forever never need any other. I believe you have also felt that way and have proven my point. You just only really love that dear person. No one else could ever make any difference. I've told my DH many times. If he were to go first, I would just wait and I know my heart could never love again, just never. It's too full of love for him only. My life actually became a life when I found him. I can relate. Your love story is for the story books my dear friend! Thank you for sharing. That is such a special story, Made me cry! You're a precious woman no wonder he fell for you first!! Big huge hugs ~M~
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Chelle~ I remember seeing your Story about your precious DH and his accident. Is he a cop? I remembered a criminal was involved and he actually hit your husband with the vehicle??? Please correct me if I am wrong and share the story with us, I don't want to tell something that isn't true.I welcome you here. I think way back you had posted here once or twice! We have become a little family here and we post whatever the heck we want too. We share Our plans. We share our thoughts and frustrations stories of our non compliant kids! Okay mainly mine. Lol. But we would love if you would come join us here in our little pub! Big hugs ~M~ Please share with us. If you don't mind.
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M,
Yes, of course I will share. My story will be very long. I will write it in smallish posts each day. I have had a doozie of a life!!! I get the feeling,that Gracie has too. But let's just talk about dh accident today.
March 10,2017 my husband a 20 year vet of the Denver police Department, went to work. Like any other day over the last sixteen years,he hopped on his Harley,and proceeded to go run radar. At 3:00 in the afternoon,He spots a guy doing 60 in a 35. Busy three lane street in downtown Denver. He got in behind him ,lights on. The man went from 55 to 0 in the middle of the street. He stopped so suddenly that the rear of his car, came off the ground. Of course my dear Patrick, hit the back of his car and then flipped over it, landing on his head. The guy jumped out with a fresh tattoo across his chest reading thug life. He said the fucken pig wanted me to stop, so I fucken stopped. His decision has changed our lives, forever.
Patrick is healing from a traumatic brain injury,broken leg,shredded bicep and all of the tendons in his shoulder needed mending. He has not worked a day since the accident. But he is expected to make a full recovery.❤️😊
I can't even begin to tell our story, until I tell you my past.
Let me give you all of the basic info. We have three daughters. 27,22,15. I am 48 was dx at 46. We have two grandsons. So wonderful to have some boys!!!!
I'll write another Oprah tonight,if I get a chance.
Love to you all!!❤️❤️Chelle
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Chelle~I had remembered some of the story and remembered he was seriously injured in the accident. I had child reading that the criminal had thug life tattooed on himself. That's disgusting, I wish I could thug life him right up his ass!! People are so careless with life. I am so very thankful that he not only survived, because we both know, motorcycles have no bumpers. But I thank goodness that he will make a full recovery. He deserves to make that full recovery, and your precious family also deserves to have their precious father. People make me so mad. I shed some tears looking at your picture together. You're a beautiful lady my friend. He's an amazingly strong and driven man. I hope he does nothing but continue to improve. I also hope that some kind of charges were brought against him for his actions and speeding. Losers!!!
I noticed that you were also diagnosed De novo. I was also and so was Mae. I was diagnosed at age 45. It seems like you were meant to pull up a chair here at our little pub. I look forward to sharing and building a nice friendship. All of us here usually daily, check in for support. This thread has gotten my head outta my ass several times. I see strong beautiful women here. One that has flown through radiation like it's no ones business, survived Harvey(Mae)!We have Claudia who is vacationing and horseback riding after riding out Irma. We have Keetmom, who is maybe the best parent and mother I have ever seen. So devoted to her family, and pushed forward with her amazing DH, to take care of their beautiful girls who face challenges every single day like we do, but they are young girls. Lynn, a beautiful spirit, who floats in like a butterfly! NKB,seems to be our calm rational one! Chicago, is a special woman who is dealing with helping her precious mother! Such a hard thing to go through. Nan, my precious friend, her DD just got married and allowed us to see, some of us might just see their children marry and have grandkids! Tanya, our new friend who pops in and out with lovely stories and encouragement for family .I hope you know Chelle, you're also quite strong and beautiful. I look forward to hearing your stories of your life, which has made you the caring good person you are here today! Much love ~M~
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I had more to add to the stupid things people say to cancer peeps!.....
Oh are you going to color your grey, that's coming in since your hair fell out?
My co-worker also had cancer, hers was stage one, what was yours again?
Can you still taste things normally?
Is the mastectomy scar that bad?
You're going to have reconstructive surgery aren't you? I could never not have my breast, I'd rather die first! (Really would you?)
.......just a few more I remembered last night! Ugh! People!!
Gracie~ I wouldn't have had that woman as my best friend either, no thank you. That is just someone who is clueless and would do exactly the same thing those faced with chemo do. Have the Effing chemo! Duh!
~M~
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Micmel
Support and love sent your way. I'm trying not to allow the fear to paralyze me, yet I feel paralyzed. I was working out three times a week also, taking a spin class, zumba, working a full and part time job. I started feeling a little tired but I remember when I got flu bronchitis whooping cough all at once, I remarked, this is the sickest I've been in 10 years. I didn't know it would be the cancer.
My first bout with cancer was at 46. I was young and strong. You sound as if you are too.
This group is teaching me so much about side effects symptoms, tests, remedies. I appreciate you. Keep fighting like a beast. You are stronger than you know.
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Tanya~I have always liked to think of myself as strong. I have always gotten through everything I needed to get through. I am hoping this cancer thing can be contained. My DH and the kids are the main reason i fight so hard. I also know that I feel so much better, now, then I did before all the chemo and surgery and now ibrance. When that lump start to change. It hurt like crazy, it was all I could think of. I think deep down, as soon as it changed, I knew. It was changing and growing so fast. It began to get rigid and hard. That was no cyst. What a terrible day that was. I also wish I could wake up from this dream. Before all the treatment it was such uncomfortable pain. The lump wasn't moving anymore. I knew it was bad. I know exactly what you mean thinking wow I have never felt this sick before. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was Christmas Eve day. That morning I couldn't get out of bed. I was so weakened and feeble. My entire body was feeling like the worst flu I've ever known. Took antibiotics again and it cleared up until later in January of 16. That is the year when my life changed forever.My sons birthday is January, and I was Diagnosed 9 days before his birthday. I've been fighting ever since. You ladies are wonderfully important to fighting. I get to fight right along of some amazing women. Much love and good thoughts.~M~
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Micmel- You figured me out. I do feel much more calm and rational than with the first diagnosis. I also feel better with more blood-severe anemia made me feel fragile- and therefore fearful. when friends wanted to do something active-I would be afraid I couldn't do it or would hurt myself. Feel much better now and am doing more and trying to act normally.
On the other topic- I only told about 10 people total and my DH told his 3 best friends when I was first diagnosed in 2012. I told most of those 10 about being stage 4 and my DH decided not to tell his 3 best friends. I don't hear any of those clueless statements-because no one knows but, very close special people. Just enough to provide support. I get support and tons of time to discuss cancer and read about how people are doing here. I think people really don't know what to do or say and really don't want to talk about cancer. I love having friends who have no clue-it isn't a topic of discussion because they don't know. I used to worry that they would be mad at me for not telling them-now I could care less if they find out and feel I left them out of this detail of my life. This is my news/life to do what I please with.
I used to feel weird when people said How are you? and I said fine. But, DH convinced me, you are fine, right now-so it is not deceptive. it's just a point of view- and you get to have the one that works for you.
When people say I've never told anyone this -my first thought is -and you don't have to tell me either-only tell me if you think it will make your life better. I don't need the details or drama. I'm good.
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NKB~ you just have always seemed to be calm and collected in your thoughtful responses and keeping the facts (like your DH saying you are fine now) perfect example. I am so with you on the drama part. Which is why I haven't really talked to my sister. Before our estrangement, every week there was another problem, or crisis to handle. It got tiring. Especially when the one who is wearing everyone out, never once learns any lessons. I wish I would have thought about not letting too many people know, but....having lost my hair the way I did. Made that a very difficult thing. Also, I started gaining weight, that was obvious also. Basically my body tuned against me, of course because of the chemo. You seem to have this calming presence, it even shines through your posts. A great quality to have. Hugs to you! ~M~
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.........Today I was lucky enough to babysit the precious little Chief, baby that I consider my grand doggie. He is growing so big. My DS and I took him shopping and bought him two new toys! Then we came home and played with him for a few hours. I couldnt take my eyes off of him. I gotta say I am hooked!!!! This little guy has stolen my heart! ~M~ We took him into pet smart, a crowd came around us asking us if they could take his picture. Most people have never ever seen a St Bernard as a puppy or a dog. I'm finding they are very rare. Around our area anyway. I'm fascinated by this puppy.
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M,
What an adorable grandpuppy!!! What is the name? Him or her? I love dogs! I have two little fluffy mutts and two grandogs.
Ready for another oprah?
I was born in San Antonio 1969. I was healthy at the beginning, but by the time I was three,I had enlarged tonsils and adenoids. Not the usual enlargement. I couldn't taste or smell. I was only 19 pounds when I was a three almost four year old. I made it through surgery,they only gave me a 50/50 chance. All seemed well for a year or so. When I was five,I started having seizures. Several a day. I now had epilepsy. My childhood was spent by my mothers side. Never swimming,riding a bike,nothing. I had an older sister to keep me company sometimes. She was only two years older. We got along great. Best friends,shared a locker in high school. I can remember as kids,even teens,spending the night together. We would bring our blankets ect,in the others bedroom. A very close sibling relationship. My epilepsy medication was more than my parents mortgage payment. I had the best neurologist in the 1970's. His name was Dr.Moe. I can remember seeing him several times on the Jerry Lewis telethon. He told me that I would be able to drive,have children and just be a normal person. So I learned to swallow pills when I was five. And Dr.Moe was right. I haven't had a seizure since I was ten.
Things were good for a couple of years. Then my sister Teresa began to have trouble lifting her feet off the ground. Would stumble and fall sometimes. I can remember as cheerleaders together,she would sit out,when she got hot. After a few months of this. We took her to the Dr. She was dx with chronic progressive multiple sclerosis at 19 years of age. She decided to live as hard as she could, until she could no longer do anything. She had a baby girl when she was 22. Elizabeth Ann. But sadly,she lost even more physical ability after childbirth. She spent the next nine years in bed, before passing away at home at the very young age of 32. Mom and I took care of her with the help of hospice. It was the most heart wrenching experience of my life. I am proud to have adopted Elizabeth and can now call myself a grandma. Elizabeth is her legacy. It will be eighteen years since her death this November 19th.
I never went to college,never partied with friends. Life's biggest lesson was taught to me at a very young age. I don't regret a minute of it!! I don't blame her illness. I would do it all the same,if I had to do it again. A career be damned. Love is everything. The only thing that matters the only thing that lives on, after death
Love you ladies!!!
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Elizabeth with her youngest, jaxo0 -
Wow, these stories are powerful and heartfelt. We have some STRONG friends here. I admire you all.
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Chelle~. I knew there was something about you, when you told the story about your DH and his accident right after it happened. I remember reading it. I was in awe of your strength then, when i woke up this morning and saw your beautiful story about your precious sister, and elizabeth who you so loving adopted. You're such a beautiful soul to be who you are, to those around you. Your sister was also a beautiful person. You can see the love in the eyes of the child that young as a baby. I am so sorry that you have gone through something that heartbreaking. I can't imagine the heart break you and your family had to go through. Sometimes words just aren't adequate to allow you to understand how my heart feels reading your story. That is too young to have such loss in your life. I am so very sorry that you lost your sister. You are obviously a very special person, mother and wife. That Is a picture of a precious little sweet baby! I worry for my kids also, cancer is cancer. How old is he now? He is a beautiful little guy wow so precious. I want nothing but happiness and good things for you Chelle. Your sister is looking down and loving you everyday for the selfless way you have led your life, even as a younger child. How old were you, when you adopted that precious angel Elizabeth? I agree it's all about living and loving your people. That is really the only thing I really even care about these days. You live and learn. From the sounds of it. , you loved, then learned, then lived, in that order. I am proud to know you, and would be even prouder to call my friend. I am so fond of all you special ladies that surround me here. Thank you for being Here with me everyday sharing our journeys together. Friendship is very powerful. And love rules the world. That's why I made this thread. For stories exactly like the one I just read, and needed my tissues. Sending pure love and fondness for all of you. Chelle, thank you again for sharing your precious story with us. It was beautiful! Much love ~M~ Your story makes me think deeply about being estranged from my sister. It's been 14 years or more since I've even seen her. My brother had a massive heart attack last week,and with my cancer diagnosis, she has been calling and texting to see me for lunch this Monday. I have been giving it some good thought. Dunno. Your story got to me I think! Thank you again 💕
That precious puppy is named Chief. He's soooooo precious. People stop us wherever we go. I'm addicted to him. Seriously addicted lol
Lynn, I agree withy you completely! Strong stories always = strong ladies! We have such an awesome group here.
Claudia ~ we miss you sweetheart, I am thinking she's off on her vacation with her dear sweet Hubby! Thinking of you!
Mae~ I have another American Horror to watch today! Yay! Started season 7 of game of thrones. I don't want it to end. I'm slowing down watching it. I love it.
Keetmom ~ hugs to the girls and you! Hope all is well!!
Nan~ love you!
Chicago~ everything ok in your world I hope !!
NKB~ sending out a shout out to you as well. Our little pub is growing and it is a very special thing I am enjoying tremendously!
Tanya~ hugs for you too my dear! Did I remember you were having heat flashes? My doctor put me on alow dose of Effexor for them, I used to have 20 a day, now I only have maybe 4 if that, and no more changing my clothing in the middle of the night soaking wet. It helped me so much feel a little more normal. I couldn't go out in public even, it was embarrassing!
Gracie~ welcome my sweet friend. Seeing your name always bring me smiles.
Happy hump day!
~M~
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here is something I saw floating around and it was right in line with what we have been saying about things cancer patients endure hearing Yuck! 0 -
Chelle, You have had an amazing life so far. You have experienced great challenges, loss, and pain, yet you have survived and have risen above them to find the joy that remains in your life. Your niece/daughter is so lucky that you have been there for her. You are such a special, loving, giving soul.
I lost my only sister when she was only 36. It was devastating to my parents, her husband, her son, and me. I still miss her.
I am adding that information here for two reasons:
Reason 1. I know that some of you fear that your children will not remember you or that someone else will take your place when you are gone. My sister had one child. Her son turned 13 the day my sister died, so old enough to have experienced many things with his mother. His father did remarry, and his new wife treated my nephew well. They did grow close. My nephew is now an adult with two children. He still talks about his mother often. His children have heard many stories about the grandmother they have never met. They have visited her grave in Paris several times and left their grandmother little gifts - a toy car, a little doll, rocks. No one will ever replace his mother in my nephew's heart, and he will never forget her. He did have room in his heart for his stepmother, but that does not mean that the love and loss he feels for his mother is gone.
Reason 2: sometimes people close to us disappoint us or our relationships break down. Sometimes the reasons for the breakdown are so serious that the bond cannot be repaired. Perhaps there have been malicious or violent or nasty, mean things done. If that is the case, we need to move on, pray for wisdom, and look forward without ever restoring that bond. If that is the case, it is healthier to live with the rift. Sometimes that other person has so many issues or hate or problems, it would be detrimental to our own well-being to encourage a reconciliation. In some cases, however, the reason that a relationship breaks down is petty or due to our own stubbornness or pride and we are hurt and cannot find a way back to forgive. Sometimes our loved one has truly changed and wants to come back into our world. In that case, we need to decide whether or not we want to have that person back in our life, whether it might be a good thing, whether we can forgive and/or forget. Maybe a reconciliation is still not possible and we need to move on, but maybe it is worth a try. We each have to decide for ourselves the direction to take.
I wish I could still see my sister and talk to her and tell her what a wonderful son she has, but our relationship was a good one. Micmel, it sounds like your relationship with your sister has been poisoned by her problems and history. It seems that you would like to consider a reconciliation, but think carefully. You have lots of stress in your life right now, and I am not sure that it is a good time to add more. My prayers go out for you.
I am sorry for rambling on.
Hugs and prayers, Lynne
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Lynne~You hit the nail on the head. It was her problems and issues and choices that led her and I to the estranged relationship, the second paragraph you had written, I seriously thought you were talking directly about my situation. We used to be inseparable, then I married and got divorced (after two kids and 11 years) and she decided she would rather have my x in her life over me. I know now it was mostly my step monster, that interfered in everything. I am going to give it some major thought . Not only did her choice effect me and my kids, but my DH that I have had a wonderful life with for the past 14 years. I am actually relieved that none of that drama followed our lives. Thank you for your kind words.
Chelle~ is amazing and I like to believe all of her goodness is why she is NED. (Crowd goes wild). 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗. Good things for good people. We should be so lucky to have more people be like her in this world. There is too much selfish acts and nothing short of disgust, with people and some behaviors of people I don't even know. Since I have been sick. I like to think of it as weeding my garden. Getting rid of those horrible thistle weeds. They hurt when you pull them, but after time you heal. You ladies are wonderful. Much love ~M~
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Mae~??? Everything ok? Haven't seen you in a day or so. Everything ok with your blister? Thinking of you !
~M~
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Chile- amazing stories and beautiful pictures!
50sgirl- I thought reason 2 was written directly to me also. I was going to try and reconcile with my estranged sister until I made a list of my grievances and thought no-it would not be healthy for me. She only tries to reconcile around Thanksgivings and Christmas which are at my house since I have kids. Also a psychiatrist friend told me that my sister was aware of what she did- I couldn't blame her horrible behavior on mental illness or not knowing what she did. That is how I always justified it in the past. When she did incredibly hurtful things it took me months of nightmares and anger to get over it and she just sashayed through life destroying whatever she needed to for the slightest advantage . I am happier without her, but, do feel guilty about it at times.
Micmel- I personally don't understand when people take sides in someone else's divorce or actually anything to do with someone else's marriage unless there is abuse. No one knows the inner workings of a marriage but the two involved.
Nan- did you have your bone marrow biopsy yet? How are you?
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Nkb, Most of us have been taught to do whatever we can to help other people. Unfortunately, we cannot be all things to all people, and sometimes the demands of meeting the needs or wants of another person are outweighed by our own need to survive emotionally and be happy. Life is short, as we know all too well. Someday things might change for you and your sister, but itsounds like it is in your best interest as well as your family's to leave things as they are for now. Your sister made choices, and you had no control over them. You have no reason to feel guilty. Concentrate on what you have instead of what you don't have. Focus on the love and happiness that you give to and share with your family.
Lynne
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I just red a few minutes ago, that Julia Louis-Dreyfus has been diagnosed with breast cancer. A lot of celebrities have had the disease. They need to bring more awareness about MBC. That BC can turn into MBC! (At some point somewhere around 40% does)
I agree about the estrangement of any family member. Something had to cause that to happen. If it was significant enough to bother you all those years ago,I realize it would bother me now. I realize I have changed and have grown up. It was hard to make the choice to eliminate portions of my family. My kids also,they see their friends with a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles, but we don't really have that. The family that I do talk to live Far away in differently states. I am definitely soul searching on this lunch thing. NKB~ sounds like we have similar experiences with this!
Sending good thoughts and vibes ~M~
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Hi everyone! Chelle, you are amazing! I felt that about you for awhile and now I know my instincts were dead on.
Nkb, do I know you? You sure sound like me.
Micmel, I hate to tell you, I am not on vacation yet. Do you remember how Gracie was for awhile? I have been going through that also. I thought Irma was the cause of these horrible feelings, but I have since realized that she was the straw that broke the camel's back. Since Irma, I have not been sleeping or eating. I have lost almost 10 pounds in a couple of weeks. I realized that I was in trouble and am getting help. So that's good! We leave on Oct1399th for our trip. I am excited, but also worried. We have been unable to get the horses in the kind of shape they should be in for this trip. Between the wet summer and the hurricane, the bugs here are so bad, every time we ride the bugs eat us and the horses up. It is awful. Poor BigB got bit on his stomach last week, he jumped straight up in the air and I almost came off. Not good.
On a different note, I had my MRI on Monday. I met with PN on Tuesday. I am neutropenic, so off Ibrance for now. MRI showed no fractures, Yay, but a possible new lesion in left hip and possible bone marrow penetration in right hip. WTH! Anyway, they are sticking with the plan I am on now till scans in Dec. MRI showed bursitis in left hip. That is what is causing all the pain. Hopefully with more rest it will get better.
Lynne, your posts are always so thoughtful and on point. Reason # 2 so describes my family since my dad died in 2001. There is so much drama and backbiting that I finally had to just walk away. I did try to reconcile with my sister early last year. Her and bil were coming down here, so I cancelled a trip Dh and I had planned a and told her that we would be here and would meet them wherever, whenever. No phone call from her. I tried to see my mother last fall, but she was too busy. She also has been to Florida many times in the past few years, but can't ever seem to find time to see me. I cut her completely off this past April. I had done that before but like an idiot, thought things would change. It won't happen again.
Anyway, sorry for the novel. I will try to keep up with you guys from now on.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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keetmom, I almost forgot. There is a channel called feeln. It is $2.99 a month and chock full of family movies and wholesome series. I got hooked on the series Heartland when it was on CMT. They took it off, but feel in picked it up! Your daughters would probably love it. Hugs, Claudia
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Hi there, checking in. My post radiation blisters and peeled skin are annoying and painful, so I'm relaxing at home today. RO says it looks normal. Also, I have an occasional twinge in the back of my skull, I've had it before, it could be sinus issues or a migraine but of course now it could be brain mets. It started yesterday and I'm pretty sure it's nothing but will mention it anyway.
Other than that, I'm well, catching up on shows and trying to stay reasonably active this week.
Cute puppy and I enjoyed ready the stories of love and loss. You all have been through so much, I realize I've had things very easy. I admire your will, all of you
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Hey all,
Estranged Sister stories yuck. Makes my heart hurt just to type it. Thank God I have good relationships with four of my sisters and the other one I reach out to her once in awhile, she never reciprocates. Its been years and I don't know why. Several years ago I decided through much soul searching that I didn't care why. My husband had a stroke five years ago and at the time we had been married for 33 years. Not even a phone call from my sister. That made me realize that our relationship is one sided and only for outward show.
Last night my surgical incision opened one quarter inch and is oozing. I will have skin cultures tomorrow and WBC blood work. I'm drained today. I am taking some type of penicillin.
Cancer is worrying about one thing and having something else slap you out of left field.
Thanks for listening wonderful warriors.
Oh by the way why doesn't my medical info appear at the bottom of my posts?
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it seems like many of us have sister issues. I shared my story here about my sister and why I feel it's not a good idea to reconnect. Then yesterday out of the blue, my mother, brother and I all received invitations to her sons birthday party, Like you haven't spoken to us in 7 years and then invite us to a party??!! I threw mine in the trash. My Mom is so upset and just wants her to leave her alone. I feel that these attempts to reconcile with us are for monetary reasons...she knows that my mom is 80 and has plenty of money. What she doesn't know is that Mom updated her will and wrote a paragraph in there specifically leaving her out. I hate the drama that she is trying to bring into our lives
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Sister dysfunction - I thought it was only me but then I finally talked to my eldest sister about it and realized she treats us all very similarly, with disdain. She loves my mother though. I'm unable to completely X her out. But I'm not going to play make pretend. Thank God we live a great distance apart it makes it doable.
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I don't like my parents and my idiot brother is in county jail (not assault or anything, just stupid), I think I'm squarely in this club, lol.
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Something my DH told me years ago which I think about a lot is when you say something to someone think about your motives for saying it. Be honest and insightful with yourself and If they are not good motives-don't say it.
As a friend of mine said "think whatever you want to think, just don't say it"
Bigbhome-previous life perhaps?
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Good Evening ladies~ I laid my head down for one second and I wake up groggy two hours later. I have had things to do everyday so far this week until today. Having cancer is certainly draining......I am sitting here with my Jaw dropped reading about all the estrangement that everyone has experienced, it seems to be in just about every family somehow or another. Money issues are a thing that used to be a reason I thought this all could have happened, If no one spoke to our father but her,then she'd have card blanque to have everything he has to give. So far it has worked for her. I don't ask for anything, or really even bother pleading any of my side/case. It just never seemed like something worth my time. I can't believe Lynn, that after seven years you got that invite. To me that seems like either a) someone is truly clueless, or b)someone who exhibits slight narcissistic behaviors. (Which has always been the case with my family ) I don't blame you one bit for throwing that in the trash! I think my lunch invitation is in the same bag!!!
Mae~ I'm sorry you're having some annoying pain issues with the radiation. I was hoping that would be healing up nicely and leaving you alone. I read what you said about this twitch, you're experiencing. I can honestly say that daily I have twitches. I have a twitch in my right side that happens quite a lot. Not pain necessarily, but something that is there. I sometimes find myself freaking out about any ache or pain, so I am with you. I get little aches in my ears and skull weekly. My body is one big aching play ground. You're always hustling around and medicines play jumping pain games on us I swear! You're doing way to awesome for that to be anything else than a tweaking coming and going head twinge. I get a coming and going twinge near my liver side, since I had surgery there. I am always worried it will come back. Scary stuff we deal with!
Tanya~ pretend. Ah yes. Know it well. I think my whole young life was spent pretending to like my step monster. She ruined my family (with my fathers help of course he wasn't innocent in any of this for sure) I'm not very good at pretending at all. I also suffer from word vomit, what I think falls right out of my mouth, I have trouble keeping it inside. So I don't and I have washed my hands of all of them. I also love the life I have now with my beautiful family that I love and made myself.
We can pick our noses, but we can't pick our families!!
Much love ~M~
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Tanya~ I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and I am sorry that your incision opened up, no one needs anything else to deal with. Today I felt weak and not myself. It's because I did something three days in a row and that never happens. I'll be hoping you have no further problems after your cultures! Sending hugs! ~M~
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Checking in, spent 2 nights in hospital with Emma, got a 2 hour ambulance ride with her and everything. She is fine now, we just need to figure out how to control her adrenal issues.
I am fighting a cold and feeling miserable so it will be an early bed night..hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.0 -
Keetmom~Oh!!!!! I had a feeling that something was up. You usually check in more frequently and when you hadn't I was concerned about You guys. I am in awe of the way you get things done. I am hoping some rest will slay that cold you have!! The change of weather is coming, that means everyone will be getting colds. That scares me. I am sending thoughts and good vibes to you and sweet Emma! Hugs my friend! ~M~ I am hoping Emma feels better and stronger. She's a tough cookie for sure!
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........Lol, this cracks me up!! I do love dogs. Lol0 -
Lol, the pup looks like he got into someone's edibles!
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LOL!! He certainly does Mae! He looks like he is trying to open his eyes though! It cracked me up, some people love their dogs more than their significant others lol have a happy Friday. Hope you're not in too much pain today with your blistering skin. How is the head today? Hope that twitching crap has gone away!! Hugs to you my friend! ~M~
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I called in sick again today with "boobie burn", lol. And I calmed down about the twinge, I still have it but ibuprofen has kept it at bay mostly. It's on the spot where my head was secured against the hard radiation head rest and I read that it's a nerve issue likelycaused by the inflammation from my skin along with the point of pressure from rads. Occipital neuralgia is a good fit especially with my history of ophthalmic migraines.
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Mae,
You are one of those amazing women that work with stage IV!!! My hats off to you!! I don't know,how you do it. I sleep way too much,to hold a job!!!
I haven't had time to post the next Oprah. But I'll get there. Thank you all for all of the compliments!! I don't feel amazing! I was just dealt a difficult hand. I had to get through it, the very best I knew how. That means, I followed my heart. The right way is never the easy way.
Love and comfort to all!!!❤️
Chelle.
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Mae~I second the amazing comment about you working. I always thought that was something else. Also, something I would not be able to do. I am sorry about your pain from the burning. I hope it will feel better every day. Its Friday, so you get a nice three day weekend. Relax and try to get some rest.
Chelle~ I can't imagine there would be more to tell about what you have been through. Speechless already, I can't imagine there would be more.
Claudia~I know what it feels like to withdrawal from all you care about and be one alone with yourself. I know it well. It usually happens to me around scanning times.
Happy Friday everyone! ~M~
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BIG hugs Micmel!!!!!!
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Chelle and Micmel, thank you but I'm much more lucky than amazing. I still feel great, so I try to make the most of it. Also, my working days will end next spring. Once medically retired, DH and I will move to our mountain cabin and relax, work a veggie greenhouse and do some light hiking for as long as my body will let me
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Gracie~Hi sweetheart! Big hugs right back to you. Sending good thoughts to you, I hope you get your tooth fixed fast!! Love you my friend. 💕~M
Mae~ I don't have too many spots that bother me. One week I have no pain., then the next. There is a little bugger bothering my right hip! That's about it though. I am thrilled to hearabout the cabin. I have always wanted to have one and sit outside the porch with my DH. We have Set some hopeful time limits to when the kids need to get their crap togther. Retirement sounds like a good plan for your DH and you!
Still digesting this sister conundrum! Part of me wants to go to see what she has to say, the other part of me says, you can't teach and old dog new tricks! Have a happy Saturday my friends. Big hugs!
Prach~ peace to you too darling, welcome to our thread! Hugs to you too!
~M~
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......just my daily funny!!! I love dogs lol. Have a great Saturday ladies. My rear end cheek, has some interesting bone pain going on here! I'm just hoping it's A flare, I usually get some pains my second week into ibrance because it's completely back into my system. Hopefully it's fighting those damn bad cells. I always freak out because I Am beginning round #11. I used to always know what my rumors markers were, because I went every month. But the last time I saw him, he said nothing for three months. I felt so happy. But now I am realizing that maybe some of my sanity was knowing where things stood. Now I have no idea. My last marker report they were 21.8. Now it has been over a month since I had to have the blood work and shot done! Of course, goofy pains are going to show up!! It's maddening! Much love! ~M~0 -
Hi Micmel and Friends (maybe you do need a talk show Micmel
-you are a great host),I enjoyed hearing others stories this week. Hope there is more Oprah to come,Chelle.
I was a "patient" at an Iyengar Yoga therapy workshop this week. One strange side effect from my cancer has been scoliosis. Between the spinal mets, and massive fluid and tumors on my left side before treatment, my spine got way out of whack. I have practiced and taught Iyengar yoga for years so it was kind of strange to simply be a "patient" but it is what I needed at this time, and I got a lot of insights on how I can reduce the scoliosis in my own practice.
Micmel-I wanted to weigh in on your sister conundrum. I feel like you might have little to lose by meeting her for lunch. You don't have to commit to a relationship with her again but simply get together for an hour or two to see what she is like now and take it from there. If you were so close once, I think it might be worth a little time even though it must have been so painful for her to side with your ex in the divorce. Having lunch might confirm that you were right to stay away all these years or you might get the sense that you can be in each other's life again in some healthy way. I think people do grow and change, and that none of us are perfect.
This is by no means the same intensity of a sister relationship but I mentioned before how a close friend "ghosted" me after my diagnosis but then has come around now that she saw I wasn't as sick as I was last fall. I decided to forgive-we have never mentioned it but I do enjoy her company. I'll never count on her to be there for me but I can still enjoy aspects of the friendship. I can look back at my own life-I haven't always been the perfect friend to people with cancer or the perfect sister. I think we all mess up and its worth giving each other grace, within limits. If the relationship is abusive or just totally draining, I also think it is fine to exercise self-care and detach from it. My two cents for what it is worth.
Wishing everyone a happy, healing weekend.
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That is so cute! I love dogs too! We have a malti-poo and a Westie. Our Westie is pretty old, but the vet says he is in great shape for his age. We have had him since we lived in Bend, Or, in 2004. He is a very well traveled dog! He's never been a real cuddler though, that was our Akita. She was positive that she was a lap dog (128lbs)! A real sweetie! She was well traveled also. When we lost her, we were devastated, she was our baby. Even our son cried. We waited a few months, then our Westie seemed lonely so we got another Akita. She was the happiest dog you ever saw! Bouncy, playful and super cuddly. We lost her last summer, while we were in Montana. We got the malti-poo after my first go round with radiation. I had serious motion sickness problems from them doing my face couldn't even turn around quickly without vomiting. I really wanted a cat to cuddle with, but our Akita was not raised with cats, so that was not a.an option. Our neighbor has a malti-poo and he is so cute! I thought a mini one would make for a great cuddler, and he really does. We both are missing having a big dog but really don't want 3 dogs again. My Dh used to say if it ever comes down to him or the animals, he is in trouble, ha!
We are having a nor'easter come through this weekend so we are going to have a video day. Where do you find Game of thrones everyone talks about? I though we could see if we liked it. We tried house off cards, but after 4 episodes we were done.
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Hugs, Claudia
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Chicago~Hi there sweetheart! Thank you for the sweet thoughtful words about my sister. I know she also has had a hard life. My life hasn't been as hard as hers. I have always thought there was a lot of jealousy issues towards me because I was the youngest. It was hard being her. I was different. I had blue eyes, the other siblings had dark dark brown eyes and hair. I was a blue eyed blonde/brown. I chose different choices and I didn't get in any trouble or do any drugs. I didn't want to be like her so I did the opposite. It was sad. None of us were really watched or protected as children. I think she has some childhood scars to resolve. I am leaning towards seeing how lunch will go. I have been with my sweet DH for 14 years now and she's never even met him. She doesn't even know how he saved my life and how wonderful he is to me. I am the luckiest woman in the world to be loved by this man. Even with the cancer. I am still luckily he loves me. He is a real man. Not anything we had seen or known as kids. I love the fall weather going on here. Finally feels cool. Love being outside in this ! Big hugs to you! If I even tried yoga. I know I would fall over, I have no coordination whatsoever. I hope you enjoy it again. Sounds good for the body! Lol @ Micmel and friends!! Yes you all are truly my friends. ~M~
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Claudia~ There you are! I was getting concerned! I know you haven't been around all that much! My dogs are my world actually. But I have been babysitting another puppy named Chief. He's a Saint Bernard. I am in love with this dog. I get to have a play date once a week or more if I want. I love walking him. Everywhere we go people stop. It is amazing. My two are big dogs. My hound dog weights 87 lbs. and the chow/retriever/lab mix is 65 lbs. they keep me saine during the day. They don't care if i have hair! When I had none!
The Game Of Thrones is on HBO. All of the seasons are on demand. If you get HBO! I absolutely love that series. I am on season 6 episode 9. I don't want it to end. So glad to see you here my friend. I missed you! Did you see Nans amazing pics!!? Gorgeous women here! Hugs to you my friend! ~M~
I am very sorry to hear you have lost your dogs. That is so hard. They become like children and family. I have never owned a little dog. Do they really like to cuddle?
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............Here is my baby. I have had him since he was 8 weeks old. He will be 9 in October!! Love it when he howls!! ~M~ 0 -
Have to share my story of love! I was invited by my friend to a spaghetti dinner fundraiser for the firehouse she is active in. When we got there, it was a surprise party for me! They called it a " We love Debbie" party! ( that's my real name!lol) . I was floored! About 35 of my good friends were there and boy the tears are flowing! I am so blessed! I left work so suddenly that I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone so this was like my retirement party. We didn't call it that because work doesn't know that I'm not coming back. Got lots of nice gifts, some to restaurants, supermarkets, bookstores, Wawa, and some candles and cozy pajamas. My whole family was in on it and I never knew. I am still crying today. If I can figure out how to get pictures from my phone onto my iPad i will try to post, probably have to get my sons to do it.
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Debbie, That party sounds wonderful. If I remember correctly, you were given a back-to-work party when you returned to you job a couple of years ago, no? I think you posted a picture of yourself standing in front of a big "Welcome back, Deb" sign. You have good friends who obviously appreciate you and hold you close in their hearts. Btw, I usually take the easy route with pictures and email them to myself. Since I have email on both my phone and my iPad, I can send it from the phone and open the message on my iPad and save the pix there.
Hugs and prayers to all, Lynne
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That is such a nice story to hear. It makes my heart warm. friends can be so important to support and love you through thick and thin. My best gf is like that, she stuck by me,when everyone else didn't. I would do anything for her. She's my closest girl friend and I have known her since 12 years old. She was my neighbor. I can't believe over 30 years have gone by. You deserve to be treated good and I am so excited to hear of all the goodies you got as gifts. Please treat yourself nicely and enjoy every single second. Good thoughts and strong vibes. Such a nice thing. There are good people in the world. Big hugs ~M~
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Good evening ladies
I am just checking in from my Dr. appt. yesterday. My WBC was 1.8 with an infection at my surgical incision, so I'm off of Ibrance 4 days early. I got a culture taken and a shot of nupogen.
On my way to the doctor appt. I picked up my son from work bc he said he was in pain and wanted to go to the hospital. He was admitted and had emergency surgery, perforated colon.
I was with him at the hospital all day yesterday and came home exhausted. I'm trying to get something to eat so I'll have enough strength to go pay him a visit. it will be a short visit but I'll be glad to see him.
Have a great weekend all. Lots of hugs
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Tanya~~~~OMG!!!!! I am so sorry that your son had that happen, I hope to goodness that he is ok and recovering from such a surgery. That is some scary stuff!!! How does something like that happen?? Geeze you're a strong woman and mother. I am in awe of your ability to power through your pain and infection, to be with him!!! How old is he? I know that ibrance can be very finicky when it comes to blood work. Just please take Claritin to help with this bone aches and pains, from those shots! Once your levels reach the range, they will start you again. I am sending good thoughts and big hugs to you and your precious son!!! Please keep us updated on everything. I'll be sending as many good thoughts as I can darling !! Much love ~M~
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Hey all, way behind all here....with Emma in the hospital last week, we escaped up North for the day yesterday it was a beautiful fall day for a ride.
Dealing with how to deal with Emma's newest biggest health issue, her brain tumors have caused her to have adrenal insufficiency, the easiest way to explain it is when we get sick or injured our body makes cortisol to help the body fight, Emma's doesn't make it. She went bad really fast this week, I have always worried that her brain tumors would kill her, now I am worried about this...
On a happier note here are some pictures of yesterday!
On our way up north every time we stop and get fresh cheese curds, they are the best thing ever!
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So sorry Tanya and keetmom for all you are dealing with, all this worry in addition to your own health
I love cheese curds and those potato wedges sold a gas stations and corner stores. My best friend lived in Port Wash for many years and I recall eating those wedges on vacation, oh and drinking Leinies!
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Keetmom~loving those family photos and those precious girls smile. I amsorry to hear of the problems, poor Emma and you're family have in front of you. Like Mae said, with your health issues going on as well. Sometimes it's all too much to even take in. I am sending you huge hugs and good thoughts. Hugs to the girls.
Mae~ hope your pain is subsiding for you. Here is hoping everyday gets better for you. Enjoy your what's left of the weekend. It's been beautiful here. Nice and cool. Old Man winter doesn't feel far now!!! Yuck no thanks ! Hugs
~M~
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......so damn true it makes me sick. ~M~0 -
Keetmom and Tanya, what the heck? As if you don't have enough problems! Tanya, please be very careful while you are visiting son. I know wild horses couldn't keep you away! Make sure you wear face mask and wash your hands a lot. Protect yourself against infections and germs. Keetmom, is there anything they can do to help Emma? You all look so happy and relaxed on your drive!
Mae, I hope your blistering is getting better! You get Ann A+ for all your walking! Is your cabin in the mountains? I love the mountains, any mountains! We are actually considering a move to NC, to be closer to grandkids. I just love those little guys! I know, after all the work we have done here, right!
Micmel, we never had a small dog before our Westie. When I opened up his crate and got my first look at him, I asked St what in the heck do you do with such a little dog? He didn't know, but he was what our Akita's trainer recommended for a companion for her. He is a doll baby! The Mali-poo is just like a cat! He will cuddle close on your bad days, and he will happily play with you on your good days! They are extremely loving! Ours only weighs 7.5lbs . We don't get HBO, but I'm sure we can sign up for it. We watched a limited series on Netflix last night called Frankie and grace. Today we are searching for property in NC.
Nan, how are you doing? I have missed talking to you.
Debbie, that sounds so nice for you! What lovely people!
Waving hi to everyone! Hugs, Claudia
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Claudia~ I know that Verizon is running a free special for 48 hours for all the cable channels. It's a once a year trial. I watch the calendar yearly to get something free from those robbers!!! Glad to hear you're seeing your grandchildren!! It gives me hope maybe I'll see mine someday! Hugs to all ! ~M~
50's hi there. Always nice to see you here. Hope you're enjoying your weekend. Be safe, hugs!
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Claudia- Not really we just need to learn to manage her meds, and keep on top of illnesses.
Tanya- Hope your son is doing better and your counts bounce back quickly0 -
Keetmom I've never had cheese curds and now I must find them! They look delicious. I'm sorry that Emma is not well now. I know how this pouring rain thing happens. Everyone in the car looks like they're enjoying the ride
Thanks for all the prayers and encouragement. My son will be 42 tomorrow. He's divorced and lives alone. He had a fever this evening. I'm determined to just go once a day. I'm slathering myself in disinfectant and shedding clothes as soon as I get home.
My husband cannot console us he's down with the flu. In the next room talking through clouds of lysol.
My grandson and I got the front porch cleaned off after Irma that makes me happy because I can sit outside and enjoy the scenery again.
Micmel I did contact my sister and tell her about my son. She texted me back twice and she actually called him. In all fairness she always loved him. He was happy about it.
Goodnight warriors.
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Micmel, I love the pic of your dog!!! Wish things would have worked out with mine!!!
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Tanya- there is nothing like fresh cheese curds though, those you have to get the day they are made...
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Gracie~ Hi sweetheart, I do love my doggies. I'd have to be crawling on my knees not to keep them. They are the ones who never treat me badly. So glad to see your beautiful face here. I love you my friend.
Keetmom~ Hi darling. Never had the cheese curds. These days nothing appeals to me whatsoever, it's a wonder I don't weigh a few ounces now. Hoping sweet Emma and Dapheny are doing great. Such a happy family. Love the pics of all smiles. You're so pretty and Have such a great smile. I Adore you!
Tanya~ my sister called me the other day and asked me to have lunch. We had to cancel because I am feeling a little coldlike. And I can't catch anything right now. I am happy your sister called your son. That's important for him to know he's loved and supported no matter what.I am keeping him close I thought and I hope you're feeling better also. Much love to all!
NKB~ you doing ok? Havent seen your smiling face in a few days. Just sending thoughts your way. Happy Monday. Ugh!!!
~M~
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My son is doing better today. The NG tube is out and the catheter. His spirits are upbeat. Spending his birthday in the hospital was no fun today, but he was a trooper.
My WBC is coming up. It was 2.2 today and I'll be receiving neupogen shots for the rest of the week, including the day of the Pet Scan. Any tips for the neupogen side effects. Come on you ladies know everything.
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Hello ladies,
Keetmom- I have been reading your posts since I was first dx. I am honored to be meeting you. Your family remains in my prayers! I am humbled in your presence. Your ability to push on with a big radiant smile on your face. Or maybe it's those delicious cheese curds.
Tanya- when it rains,it pours doesn't it. Hang in there!!! Hoping you and dh and son are all doing much better very soon!
Claudia- your property looks like heaven!! Why NC? If it's mountains you want, come and be my neighbor!!!
Mae- sounds wonderful! Where is your cabin? Do you want to adopt a 48 yr.old? I would love to live in a small secluded cabin!!! That's how I picture heaven for me.
Gracie- I am sooo glad that you had the whole crown thing figured out!! I hate that you are alone!!!! You are stronger that Samson!!! You may not feel it sometimes,but you are a true warrior of life!! Again I am humbled!!
Micmel- such a cute doggie!! I have three. Two little mutts and two big ones!! I love them to pieces! The little ones sleep in bed with us. They are so comforting!!
Lynn- I just love reading your well written, heartfelt posts. You are a true sweetheart! I bet New England is beautiful right now! Would love to see it someday!!! I see the pictures of the fall foliage,and it looks like heaven on earth. Beautiful!!🍂🍁
I have already written so much,but figured I would continue on with the next oprah segment.
As you would imagine,while my sister was declining,I was becoming an adult. I married very young. 19 years old. I thought that shaping my own life,would give me some of the stability I was looking for. Haha!! My husband began cheating on me,two years into the marriage. I could feel that there was something missing,but never knew for sure, until he told me of his many affairs 10 years into our marriage. We went to marriage counseling and figured out our problems.... At the same time,Teresa was deemed terminal and was put on hospice. I lost forty pounds that year,due to stress. I was able to put the marriage problems on the back burner and focus on my sister. He was jealous of the time I spent with her. Even if it was to feed her and change her diapers. He didn't care. I wasn't giving him enough attention. I also had a four year old daughter of my own,to look after,as well as Teresa's daughter Elizabeth 9 years old at the time. Teresa passed away November 19,1999 I don't even remember Christmas that year. But I remember New Year's Eve. My ex said that he was going to take me and the girls to the fireworks. He never came home that night. By Valentine's Day, He came to me and told me that his girlfriend was pregnant, and would I please forgive him!!!! Hahahaha I loaded up my pick up with my kid and her toys. Pulled out of the driveway and threw the garage door opener in the lawn. I was done!!!! I have never looked back. Funny,I thought that I loved him. I had no idea what love could feel like,until a few short weeks later......
My ex has now been divorced four times and filed bankruptcy three times!! So glad that I didn't stick it out!!! 11 years of marriage with him. I still hold the record. His other marriages have lasted five or less. He still cheats and lies. He even has a tinder account. People never change.
Love and hugs to everyone!!!!
Chelle
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My little shazi,loves to sleep on her back
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Here's her funny face while awake
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Tanya ~ take Claritin before the shots and after the shots, it helps tremendously. I actually take it everyday to keep whatever inflammation may be happening. It seems to help wonders. I am happy to hear your son is doing better. Being a mom i know how are hard it is to even have them stub their toes sometimes ! You're a wonderful mother. Shine on !! Hugs !
Chelsea~ I love your fuzzy puppy dog. I am such a sucker for dogs. They make me so happy. I am blown away by your story about your ex hubby, I have never been so proud to call someone and ex for you!!!! You deserve so much better than that. Talk to the hand ex jerk! So glad you loaded up the truck and hit the highway. Such a strong woman to do that. Thinking of your sister breaks my heart. You're a lovely beautiful soul and person. I am honored to call you my friend.
Keetmom~ hugs to you and the beautiful girls. You're all always in my thoughts.
Lynn~😘 Hope all is well with you. Sending hugs
Mae~ what's up girl ? Hope the blistering has subsided!!
So here is my story about last night. I woke up to my DH shaking me and next thing I know I was in a full out seizure, apparently I had 15 over the course of an hour. The ambulance came and took me to the er where I laid for hours, they missed all my veins AGAIN! Wanted me to have every scan I had already had. I am not doing another scan when I just had one last month, like leave me alone. I knew I was feeling sick and hadn't eaten In two days. It was a combination of some medicines on an empty stomach. I've never seized before. I never have headaches. I have no weakness anywhere. I know my body. So I said uh no thanks I'm out of here. Took off all the monitors and split! I hate the ER more than anything! They walk around and say nothing but oh another hour for blood work results? Really. I could tell you the results faster!!! Argggggh! So. Now my body feels like a truck ran over it and my tongue hurts worse from biting down on it. Such a bad night. All of us deserve a medal for what we deal with! You're all so strong and I Iove each and everyone of you, for the special way you all are. Huge hugs ~M~
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Micmel-How scary! What an ordeal. Thank God your DH was right there. Please try and eat something today and drink your water. (( Gentle hugs))
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micmel- what a horrifying experience!!! Please take care of yourself! We have no appetite most days. But, it is so important to eat,before taking medication!!! I am just figuring out now,how to deal with the se's of tamoxifen. I take gabapentin for hot flashes. Without it,I have a panty soaking flash,every twenty minutes. Which makes me feel nauseous. For that,there's an endless supply of zofran. Then there is the joint pain. My hips,shoulders,feet,hands. All stiff and painful!!!! I take morphine slow release. Ugh!!!! I don't dare stop the tamoxifen as it has made me NED!!! But this sh[+ sucks!!!! I feel like a junkie!!!!
With love and concern
Chelle
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I'm doing ok, busy working on more emergency stuff and trying to keep my head straight. MO ordered a brain MRI for tomorrow because that headache lasted for days, trying not to overthink it and freak out
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Micmel!!-yikes. I hope that there is a simple explanation for your seizures-especially if it is something you can avoid to prevent them. Did you get any electrolyte imbalances or anything from not eating? Please update as you find out more.
ChelleG- I had a lot of joint pain with the arimidex that yoga really helped me with-i don't know if you can get to a class-find a teacher that is experienced with this.
My friend just died of leukemia😿 and another friend has Glioblastoma- what's going on?
got my flu shot today-don't want to add flu to my life
Illimae-good luck with MRI.
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Micmel, yikes! That's scary! Hope that was your first and last experience with seizures!
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Michel, How frightening! I am so glad you were not alone. Are you going to have any tests to determine what caused the seizure sa they can be prevented in the future? And, since I always think like a mother, make sure you don't skip meals in the future and always stay well-hydrated!
Chelle, You have been through so many challenges and tragedies in your life. Those experiences would be more than most people could survive without significant scars and resentment. In spite of everything, you possess an inner strength and goodness that few will ever have. I feel blessed to know you.
Mae, When will you have the MRI? I am praying that the results are good
Hugs and prayers to all, Lynne
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thank you all! I am not having anymore scans until November when I have my orders to have them. It absolutely was an electrolyte imbalance, i hadn't eaten in two days and my stress level was off the charts! I feel If i have anything happen close to that again. I'll head over immediately! But we tend to know our bodies, sometimes better than the doctors do. Terrible night for me. Just terrible!!
Mae~I am thinking of you honey. Picture me with you making goofy faces. I care deeply my friend. Hugs
Chelle~ loving that precious puppers. They make us smile. My dog was howling last night when the paramedics were here, he was flipping out with worry, they love us more than even we could even think possible for a dog, we are their lives also! Give the little cutey a snuggle for me please!?
Gracie~ I miss your puppy too. I know how we love them dearly. I wish cancer never entered our lives ever. Evil seeds! Love you my friend!
Lynn and Lynne~ thank you ladies I had to laugh at the mother in me comment, you're absolutely correct. For me it was a huge fail!!! Mothers know better right ? You're both kind to give me good thoughts and wishes. We all have to band together!
NKB~I have never had any problems and I don't get headaches much at all. So it made no sense. Those doctors just want to scan away, Medicare pays 80% pal!!! I don't have over 2k laying around every time they want to test. For everything and anything. ! Thanks for caring!!
Hugs and kisses to all
Hugs to Keetmom and our Nan!!! Waving Hi to Tanya !
~M~
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Micmel!!!! Gosh girl you had a horrible night!!!! Please try to eat and get some liquids down!!! Love ya!!!!
Chelle, I am not brave at all...Micmel talked me down over the phone (she is truly a blessing to have as a friend!) After we talked for a while I did feel a lot better!
Illimae, gosh I was just there a few weeks ago with waiting for a brain MRI. Prayers for good results!!!
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hello friends.....wow this thread took a lot to read thru after missing it for a few days....i laughed,i cried,got angry,felt heart broken, and overjoyed at all the heartfelt posts....thank you all for sharing, it makes me feel so close to all of you
so i got my biopsy results and it looks like i'm back to being a science experiment......my doc scooted his lil chair closer to me (now its trouble) he says "what you have is very interesting, and we dont want interesting".....my bone marrow showed that i have a disease called "Pure Red Cell Aplasia" and you can find it in the national rare disease database(doc doing my biopsy says "wheres the marrow?" me="please dont drill me again to look for more, you guys have powerful microscopes")this one really hurt me....it means my bone marrow has stopped making red blood cells, just the red tho.... i dont think they know much about this cuz it seems like there could be dozens of causes for it (even procrit which is supposed to build your blood)....so now they have stopped all treatment and are running all kinds of tests on my blood, one test my doc wanted they only do in Sweden (everyone offered to escort me lol) needless to say i wont be getting that....hopefully they can find whats causing this fast cuz i'm still in the middle of treatment from when everything woke up in april with my brain surgery ....they all fought so hard to get me on that parp-inhibitor too....i hope those nasty buggers stay quiet while they are working on this, i cant even think about not having options or having to get a transfusion every week and still be in the low 6s and still be so wiped out ALL the time....i'll try to be better about updating, i miss you all when i dont have the energy to be here and typing....sometimes i speak of some of your experiences and i've noticed that i no longer use the term online before friend anymore....you have all become just friends.
keep shining bright my dear friends
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Nan- wow! Thanks for checking in. How weirdly interesting. Sounds from the little googling I did that there are treatments for it- I can't wait for you to make a little more blood-hanging out at 6 must be pretty exhausting-even 7.5 feels hard to do much to me.
Hoping for good news soon and run of the mill solutions!
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oh Nan, I am so sorry for this setback. They will get it straightened out and you will be back on treatment soon. Lots of gentle hugs for you!
Micmel, you have to really start taking better care of yourself. Seizures are very dangerous. You should get an egg. I had one at 20 and found out that I had grand Mal seizures. I did significant physical damage and brain damage over the years. Mine was located in my memory retention center. I out grew it by 40. You need a neurologitist.
Chelle, love,love,love your little pup! So cute and cuddly! We were looking in NC cause that is where Grandkids live. However, yesterday I looked up top breast cancer centers, looking to compare Duke to UNC. Unfortunately, they are not even in the top 15, whereas Mayo is number 3 and I love my Mo. They also are running a couple of trials I am interested in. There were several other reasons not to , but that was the deciding factor. I love, love, love the mountains in Colorado! Would love to live there! We have looked of and on over the years. I love your stories! You are one strong woman.
Mae, cam it be sinuses. I used to get sinus headaches that would last for days. I hope that is all it is.
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Micmel- That is scary, hope you are feeling better today!
Nan- I hope you get some answers and they can fix it!Chelle-glad to "meet" you too...
Nothing exciting here so far this week! I have chemo tomorrow..my Y class today...really hating it dark out in the morning, the girls bus comes at 635 so it is still kindof dark when they get on bus! They are both ready for bed early...Emma earlier then Delaney but still early! But it is Hump Day!0 -
Good morning ladies ~ I am feeling better today. No headaches nothing. I am convinced more than ever it was a combination of drugs. Apparently. Effexor and methadone have a known interaction when taken together. Who knew??
Keet~ Delaney is such a pretty name. I have never heard of it before. For some reason I was thinking Dapheny. Not a common name at all. Good choice. I remember those yucky cold mornings dark and wanting to head back to bed. Time does fly though huh? Seems like fall was here. But it's supposed to go back up again in temp this week!
Nan~ Hello beautiful, I think of you everyday. I am hoping and hoping that they can kick some Marrow arse! Enough is enough for us all. I love seeing your name here.
Claudia~hi sweety, haven't seen you in a few days. So glad to hear you're doing well. It was a scary thing. But something that had never happened before, of course if something like that happens again, I'm going to have to have extensive testing. But for now they are pretty convinced it was the methadone and Effexor. Especially since my dosage was just increased on the Effexor. Won't be taking them near each other ever again! Morning =Effexor. Night=methadone. They said usually people just get overall tired and out of it, when the interaction occurs. But there are a small percentage this happens to. Well guess what. That was a bell I did get to ring.....my own noggin!! Missed you here!
Mae ~ you're on my mind.
Much love to all ~M~
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Nan, wow! Nobody wants to hear those words from their doctor! Hopefully they can get to the bottom of this and get you some good bone marrow "growing". Please keep us posted. Micmel, glad no more seizures!
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Keetmom- Up here in NH, close to the Canadian (Quebec) border, we have poutine. It is made with french fries, cheese curds, and gravy on the top. I don't like it, but my husband and 4 kids do. I do like just plain cheese curds though, which they have in the stores here, but they are white not orange. Enjoy yours! Glad you got to get out!
Tanya-Very scary for you and your son. Glad he's on the mend.
Micmel-How awful. I hope you are feeling better.
Nan- Hoping they figure all of it out soon!
Hugs and prayers to all!
Lynne
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Lynne~ thank you very much for the kind words. This cancer stuff is hard work huh? Hugs to you ! ~M~
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Lynn~ it was very scary. I guess that is why they tell you to always take medicines with food!!! It was totally my fault! Hope all is well with you!! Much love ~M~
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This weekend has been a weekend of hell. I mean I can't even begin to explain everything. Last month it was my son, this week it was my daughter. Sometimes young kids can be so mean and when they are. I have to admit. Lately since my diagnosis, I don't have the capability to have my patience like I used to. I don't process things like stress as easily as before. I am looking for compassion and understanding and maybe a break here and there from them, it just doesn't happen. She does nothing in the house, puts barely anything towards the bills, but she does work full time. When she comes home for the day after work, she feels like her day is over and there is nothing left to be done. But there is laundry and cleaning, taking care of making dinner and cleaning up from it, since there are classes being taken there is homework. Lots to be done even after 8 hours of working. I did all those things,single, with two kids for years. Everyday. Through sickness boo boos. Broken limbs. Anything a real parent would do. There is just no one home. Where she is concerned. I had it rough at her age. When I was her age there was knock of my home that I had lived in for 22 years. It was a constable handing me an eviction notice for thirty days, that my mother failed to let anyone know about, and it was too late to do anything. My family home was lost. I know hard. We all do in ways. (Chelle, Keetmom I could go on and on).
Everyday, I consider more and more asking her to move out. She appreciates nothing. She literally is a princess without a country. Her head will spin when she realizes what is going to be able to be afforded, when you start piecing together what everything seriously costs. Rent, utilities, car up keep, getting her vehicle in her own name, changing the title ownership and taxes associated with that change.the increase that will come along with having her own insurance policy. Groceries, renters insurance, cable, electric, water, sewer, trash in some cases. I think the list is endless. I am sick, I don't want to beg someone to do the things around the home, that would. Need to be done, no matter what building they chose to live in. It's mind boggling. Sometimes I wish that either they were like 30. Or back to when they were only 8 and playing silly games in the yard. Hope you're all doing well. Been a rough rough 72 hours for me. Unreal! Hugs to all.
Mae~ thinking of you!
~M~
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Micmel- I'm so sorry it has been such a hard 72 hours! I am more convinced every day that kids have to learn this stuff out on their own. We can't save them from a lot of the heartbreak of growing up and making costly mistakes as much as we want to.
From my experience and what friends have told me of their experience with grown children living with them- you pretty much don't get what you are asking for here. After college my DS moved home for awhile, he was darling, sweet and fun to live with- but, chores, money etc-no. I decided that darling, sweet and fun was good for me and that he probably would never live with me again in life and I wanted to be left with a nice relationship without lots of memories of fights over who took the garbage out. I have plenty of friends who "can't live with their ungrateful kids" who my son said their house was so tense all the time. Some friends of mine have a college graduate who is coming back to live with them and all they talked about was the talks they were going to have with her about leaving her stuff around etc. -This is not going to end well
So my practical advice to you is :1) she moves out on her own and learns all those lessons you want her to and figures out how good she has it with you. or 2.) You create rules, assign chores and dates they need to be done, charge rent and stick by a business relationship In regards to those details. Kids can not anticipate your needs or figure this out on their own. (take my word for it, they can't)
You knew practical was coming from me 😳 (not that I didn't rant to DH from time to time about Mr darling, sweet and fun). He now lives on his own-"the landlady is much more neurotic about the washer and dryer than you". hahahaha
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Micmel, two of my three sons still live with me. My oldest son has Aspergers and is difficult at times. He is able to help me with taking out the trash, dishes, carrying laundry, etc. However, he grumbles and says that he has to do everything around here. He doesn't get the Cancer thing. My other son is in and out, always going somewhere, leaving a mess wherever he goes. He pays $200 rent and pays his cell phone and car insurance. It really never occurs to him to help me, if I ask him he will but he will walk right past every mess or a full trash can or sink full of dishes. Frustrating for sure and his room is a total pig pen. My middle son was just like that, but once he moved out on his own he did a 180. His place is spotless and he is extremely helpful. All of them are always saying how tired they are. I always tell them if they think they are tired now, try adding a house and a few kids, then tell me how tired they are. But they are all good. " kids", never any issues with drugs or alcohol or trouble with the law so I'll pick my battles. But I totally get your frustrations for sure.
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So, I've got 5 tiny lesions to the cerebellum, more scans tomorrow. I'm devastated and angry.
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Oh Mae-so sorry to hear this. ((Hugs))
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NKB~ yes when I saw your name I knew the bell would toll. That's completely ok and what I need desperately! I realize the things you said are true. It is a tense home because they do nothing to contribute to the home in which they live. She snaps about everything and I have to laugh at Lynn saying how tired everyone always is. Walk a mile in our shoes and really grasp how tired can be. You ladies are so special answer i appreciate the honesty and bond we all have created here together I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the honesty, from you NKB. I would expect nothing less. Huge and thankful hugs!
Lynnwood~I have made chores deadlines. Had even had a contract written in a white board for everyone to sign and acknowledge, her room is bad and so is my sons. They step over trash and exactly the Same things you just mentioned. If I was laying on the floor gasping for a drink. They would walk over me and say to anyone in the room. "Oh pay no attention to her dragging herself across the room, she's fine!" Then they would leave for hours and come home whenever they wanted money for food or to complain about how hard work was. Never mind. The pile of their own clothing that has been dirty for weeks. I am also leaning to having them move out. I can't be fighting everyone's battle in life because my own is already killing me! Much love to all ~M~
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Mae~I want nothing more than to be with you right now and hold your hand or just sit next to you. I feel the exact same way you do honey. I'm at a loss for words. I adore you my friend. I am here,we are here. Yell, scream, anything but lean on us. Let us love you. I love you my friend. So much in thought for you. Thinking of you my sweet friend. ~M~
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EFFING CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so angry right now. Stop hurting my friends. Stop hurting those I love. Stop hurting good darling people. Just FREAKING STOPPPPPPPPP!!!! I love you Mae! Right now I am hanging on the word TINY!!!!!!!!
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hi illimae.....i'm so sorry to hear your news.....i had 5 too at dx and that was in march of 2015, 3 had grown fairly big by then....they zapped them with the gamma knife and killed them all....i did get 1 more in 2016 and 1 in 2017 but as of my last scan they can only see one dead one left over from 2015...so i guess what i'm trying to say is dont give up cuz they can do amazing things these days and i hope you get a great team that will just zapp those lil buggers away and you can get on with the business of living. sending lots of love
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MAe - I can't believe this. You should be mad! You should stomp about abs yell and scream! Then you will probably cry. We are here, stomping and screaming and crying with you. Then, and you will probably hate me for this, you will pull up your big girl panties and figure out the next step. We will be with you the whole time! Read Nans post and realize it ain't over yet! You need a plan, after your stomping and telling and crying, you need a plan. We will be here to love you and support you through it all. I will hold you close to my heart. Lift you up in prayer. Listen to you rant . Commiserate when you feel icky. Whatever you need.
Love,
Claudia
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I'm doing the emotional hokey pokey between depression and determination but I've always been one to look on the bright side of things. Something that is super hard though is that I feel so bad for my husband and close friends who will have to watch me die too soon (but not now) and for that I feel like a total egomaniac, lol
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Somedays I feel like that is going to be the hardest part of dieing, not today, watching our love ones suffer. I wish we could somehow alleviate their grief and suffering. I ranted for you and cried. You are such a positive person! Keep it up! Now there needs to be a confirmation of those Mets and then a plan going forward. I'm sure you will handle this with your normal funny sense of humor!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Mae, so sorry to hear your news. Hopefully you can get those buggers zapped and be done with them.
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sometimes shit just sucks, today my DH and I were in boston market getting ready to pay. The cashier, looked at us and said literally. "how nice that you are buying your son dinner". Hey bitch. I have been through 14 rounds of chemo and I am just getting my hair back dick head. That isn't my son you stupid asshole, that is my DH of 14 years. It took everything in me not to cry and then strangle her. I barely got to the car before I cried and my heart and already lost all of the self esteem I even mustered up looking in the mirror and at my New hair coming in.I don't like to even go out in public. Because of how I feel about my appearance! Thanks a lot you complete jerk. DH went back after the store had no customers and told them what that worker had done. He told the entire working staff. He just couldnt let it go. Thinking of you Mae. Waving hi to Claudia and Lynn! Hugs. ~M~
Hang On to us Mae. Tiny is the word in hanging on to !!!
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Micmel-WTF?!? People can be such idiots. Glad your DH went back and set them straight. Hopefully no one else will have to hear such an insensitive remark.
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Micmel, gosh you don't need all the extra stress right now, let alone all the extra work! I wish I had words of wisdom, but have also had a hard time with my daughter off and on! It sucks!!! Sending you hugs!!!!!!
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Illimae
I hope all goes well with your MRI
Sometimes all of this stress on top of stress and drugs is enough to give us a migraine.
I pray you get good results.
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micmel
I'm happy you felt better yesterday. I've been thinking of you.
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Hi all,
I missed a few days because life here has been draining.
I'm so sad Mae, but I am too hanging on the word tiny. I'm glad that your doctor used that language. It's enough to hear that anything is there but we need to get the strength to fight. We are here for you dear.
Micmel I'm so happy your DH went back in that restaurant. Sometimes people just need to get cursed out royally. Not that I think your beautiful DH would ever do such a thing. Hah. So sad that people are so insensitive.
The PET scan results showed that the Ibrance is working. My tumors have shrunk. The one in my left hip is still the largest but it also has shrunk. I'm excited and happy even with all of the side effects.
Nan I think you gave me nupogen advice and I did take something like an antihistamine thank you so much. I'm grateful that I don't have to take it anymore bc my WBC are on the way up.
I took cephalex all week for an infection in my surgical incision and today my Dr. called and said the culture came back positive for bacteria so I need to take another medication, augmentin for ten days.
I was so tired from waking up this morning that I went back to bed. No appointments today what a relief.
Take care all.
Loves and hugs to all
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Tanya~ I am happy to hear good news. Congrats to you. I hope you did something special today. It's important to make those times special. Everything We go through fighting this disease. It's a challenging thing to live with everyday. Never knowing what your body is really doing. I was shocked at that worker. I don't know what she could have been thinking, My hair isnt even grey anymore. People sometimes suck. I think people need to think before they speak. But if DH went back to spare one person that feeling.
Off to bed. Now. Mae. I am thinking of you. You're strong, funny kind, and very active. A good plan in order early. Is the way to go. Please always know we are here in your corner. Hugs, big hugs!
Nan~ Hi there. Thinking of you as well. Hoping the marrow solution is coming together.
My DH took me out to my favorite restaurant tonight,Carabbas, that is delicious. We always went at least once a month, until I got sick. We went today and he told me how happy he was because this was our place. It was very sweet and loving. That's exactly how he is. A constant love in my life.
Much love ~M~
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omg~I just woke up and it's like 10:30 am. Like who is this person.?I feel exhaustion from all that had gone on these past few days. I am tired of being tired and sick of being sick. I know you all feel the same way!
Mae~ thought about you all night. We are here when you're ready. We care so much. I am just hanging on to the word tiny. You're our spirit here our easy rider. You'll get back on that horse. We love you. ~M~
Nan~ love you too.
Thinking of everyone.
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Mae- Sorry have no better words.
I had chemo yesterday so taking it slow today...glad it is Friday0 -
Mae- I'm so sorry. Praying for you.
I had my chemo today. My friend's husband passed away on Sun (she found him on the porch floor, a heart attack at 62), and the burial (no wake, no funeral, just a burial and a get together at the house afterwards) was today. I was sorry to miss it. Doesn't it figure, I have chemo once every 3 weeks, and it falls on the same day. I did get to see her yesterday, I dropped off some desserts I made. She lost her youngest son at 27, 2 years ago (he left a wife, and 2 kids, 6 months and 1 1/2) and never got over that. She lost her Dad last year. She's a mess. Thankfully, her oldest son, daughter-in-law, and their 6 month old moved into her large home, about a year ago, and are a big help. How much can one person take?
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Hi Lynne from Manchester Life is unfair, but it seems so cruel that any one person has to experience as much loss, pain, and sadness as your friend. It is unfortunate that your chemo was on the same day as the burial and gathering, but I am sure your friend understands. You are a good friend to stop by yesterday to see her and give her some desserts. Friends and family are what she needs right now even though nothing will ever replace the loved ones she has lost. I think that it is good that her son and his family moved in with her so she won't be alone right now. I will include your friend in my prayers.
Hugs and prayers, Lynne (from Bedford)
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Lynne~(Manchester) I am speechless in what I just read. I do completely agree, how much can one person take? I sometimes wonder and never understand why things happen. It's mind boggling to me. So much struggle. Everyone has their own. But we can only live our own, I wish that things were easier, and we could find some more closure and understanding. Makes no sense. Hugs to you hope you're feeling better after chemo. I know how hard that walk is.
Lynne~(50s) you're always so supportive and say such kind things. You're a bright light in some dark days. Hope all is well for you. Hugs!
Keetmom~❤️Hope you're also doing well. Friday oh yes Friday! Hope you have a restful weekend, and the girls and DH are doing well!
Mae~ thinking of you. Sending thoughts and good vibes my friend. Will be here waiting.
Hugs to all ~M~
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Obviously yesterday was a bad day, I was devastated and angry but today I had a neuro rads consult, bone scan and whole body CT and walked about 3 miles at MDA. I passed my neuro exam with no symptoms from the lesions and as it turns out, the migraine may have been a lucky coincidence. Today, I feel good like usual but confused, I just don't get this cancer crap, how can I be in such poor condition without feeling the effects of it. It's so bizarre.
Hopefully Mondays meeting with my MO comes with no news of any additional progressions.
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Mae~I am not going to be all cliche and say something people would just say to say. You're on my mind, you're our get up and go getter. I believe in your strength and good attitude always. I am sending you thoughts of kindness and support. Even though I can't be with you, doesn't mean my energy isn't trying to reach you. We are here, waiting to hear from you, any little word Or thought. I also agree with the confusion about not understanding how it works. I never had one symptom at all. I understand!!! I am glad you're moving quickly, the sooner they get them out the better. Sending you deep thoughts of strength! ~M~
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Lynne from Manchester- It is totally crummy! Your friend will need you for a good long time after the burial. My friend's husband died unexpectantly right before his 62nd Birthday- and she was literally in shock for over a year. That is how I came to make a quilt to have a project together with her.
Have you heard of the concept of the 2 casserole friend? Lots of people will bring you 1 casserole when the times are bad- the special ones bring you another one (and another etc) they are the 2 casserole friends.
Mae- Im glad that the migraine gave you an early warning-however I think that you ( and others) are way too young for this S***. I think that I read somewhere that 80% of cancer is in super healthy people who didn't do any known thing that was a risk factor.
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Mae~ YOU! Are not in poor condition. No you are not. You are walking three miles, something people who don't have cancer can't even do. You are living your life and you're amazing at doing so. One day at a time. 💕💕~M~
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Thank you everyone for your kind words. Yes, my friend and her sons told me not to come yesterday, they understood, but I still felt bad. She puts on a strong front, but as I said before, she still hasn't healed from the loss of her youngest son and father.
Mae-good luck with your appointment on Monday. I agree, walking 3 miles, you're doing great! I don't think I could walk a mile, at this point! Glad to see the lesions are not affecting you. Hugs!
Lynne-Same name, almost same town (I live on the Manchester/Bedford line), and same age (I'm in my 50's too)! Thanks again for your kindness!
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good morning ladies ~ another Saturday is here. Hopefully it won't be too warm today! Waving hi to Lynne from Manchester! Waving hello to our NKB! Hope you're having a good start to your weekends! Mae~ you're On my mind, sweet friend!! Sending hugs and good thoughts to all. It's times like this that I wish we all lived closer. We could be bringing Mae all kinds of goodies!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ~M~
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Gamma knife scheduled for 10/20 and MRI's every 2 months after that. No activity restrictions, so the 5k I planned to walk is still on and DH quit his tour early and will be home tonight
Sunday night dinner and TV are still on, American Horror Story and Taco's!
Good morning everyone and thank you so much for the well wishes. I'm considering this a speed bump, I will step over it and continue on my way
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I realized during my seizures they tried to place an IV in my lymphedema arm. And boy is it telling me a thing or two about that. It's swelling and hurting more today than since it first was known that I even had it. Boy oh boy! Enough already you stupid cancer. Leave us alone!!!!!!!!
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Hello,new friends!!! You have all had a very eventful,week. Prayers for a restful uneventful weekend!!! Happy thanksgiving to our friends up north!!
Lynn of Manchester- You are an amazing friend. In my family tragedy experience,most people disappear,as if you had the plague!!! You are a gem! Your friend appreciates your support! Wheather you were at the burial,or not! Your true friendship means the world to her,right now!!!
Love Chelle.
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Lynne from Manchester, I'm sure your friend understands. You will be there for her when you can. She is very blessed to have you. Most people stop by at first, then they forget about you. I will pray for your friend.
Mae, have a great weekend with your dh! Thank goodness for that fluke migraine. God works in mysterious ways. Obviously, he wanted it found sooner rather than later.
Sending hugs and prayers to all!
Claudia
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Lynne from Manchester, she knows you would be there if you could! I lost my father-in-law and my mother and my beloved husband all in one years time, and in fact the day before my mother died as I was sitting by her bedside I got the news that my husband had had his second massive heart attack , so I had to decide whether to leave my mother or go be with my husband and I left of course and went to be with my husband who ended up living a little while longer my mother died the next day and luckily I was able to get back home and be there with her, but then my husband passed at a later date,and a week after his funeral I had to go with my brother to an oncologist to find out that he had stage four head and neck cancer. So then I was his caregiver for two years. It was the hardest time I've ever gone through. And that first year after my husband died I can tell you that I just was in a complete fog. There's so much time that I don't even remember things I did that I have no memory of what so ever. I am sorry for your friend because she's going through something very similar. But through it all I always knew that my friends were there for me and would come if they could. And I think that she knows that too about you. Just remember that you still have lots of time to spend with her. And believe me the worst of times it is about 10 days after the funeral when everyone goes home. She will need you more then than any other time. Blessings to you.
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Mae~ way to get moving on zapping those idiots! I am not surprised at all that you're already on track for treatment and right with it, our special Mae attitude and spunk! American Horror! I have one more to watch as well. Most likely the same week you still haven't seen. I do enjoy it. Makes you really think and pay close attention. What creepy neighbors! Thinking about you often!
Much love ~M~
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I spent time with my Grand Puppy today. He gets bigger every week. I can't even take it. I love this doggie !
........many hugs ~M~ My little Chief!
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Everytime I go out anymore, people are just mean. No one treats anyone with respect. It's disgusting. No one holds doors for older ladies with walkers and oxygen tanks. I am astonished at the way these young kids are being brought up. I am in shock honestly. ~M~
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Micmel- what part of the country do you live in?
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The burbs of Philadelphia, a beautiful area country, lovely area. I have lived in this general area since I was born. It just seems like the kids that are like 17-29ish. Feel like. They are entitled to anything and everything. They have an uneducated opinion about anything and everything, and while some spout off saying whatever it is they think they know, there is a war veteran sitting at a table alone, enjoying his coffee, shaking his head head remembering what he has sacrificed for this country's freedoms and the way we are able to live. I just worry for the future. If everyone is always fighting with each other. What will become of each and everyone of them ? Mind boggling actually. The kids now do not understand the history of this country. If you ask them basic questions about this country and it's pivotal and America forming historical battles, speeches,constitutional rights and factual information , Maybe one of them would even know one or two answers. Some don't even know who Abraham Lincoln was!!!!! I just don't know what these schools are even teaching anymore. So worrisome!
Hope your weekends were pain free and easy. I had a bad week, I am still recovering from my medication interference and seizures. I never had one before so Ihad no idea every single muscle would hurt for days. My Tongue feels shredded. I need, we all need a better week on tap.
Mae ~ you're in my thoughts my sweet friend.
Much love to all ~M~
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my little cuddle bug. Helping me feel better after this event filled week. Poor DH, it was supposed to be his much needed vacation. And poof it's over! Have a good night sleep well!!! This is My precious grand puppy! ~M~
Thinking of everyone
Sending Mae hugs and support
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........ yup! Except my summer body and winter body are the same these days. I spent all that time losing weight and getting toned. Not so much when mr Cancers gym opened up in my body. Somehow, Limited people were even invited to this gym. Happy Monday!! ~M~0 -
Hope all had a good weekend...Had a birthday party for my dad who turned 70 last week, it was exhausting to reassure people I really am doing ok and feeling good, but got to see lots of their friends I don't see often so that was nice...
I got to run out and stop the bus this morning with my house coat and bald head because Emma forgot to take her pills, always a great way to start the day...0 -
Keetmom~ at least you caught the bus!!!! Those pills are vital! I am sure you looked just fine doing it. You always look so good in your pictures. I am still trying to get my energy back from those seizures. I never realized how much energy something like that causes. Weekend went too fast us usual. I'm so sick of being sick and tired of feeling tired all the time. This relentless awful disease. I still can't believe even really happened. I hate it.
Hugs to you and the girls.
Haven't seen Mae around. I am thinking of you my sweet friend.
~M~
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Just finished up with my MO. Scan results show my hip bone met site is healing and there are no other areas of changes or progression. Looks like the brain business probably started before chemo but were to small to detect. There's nothing I could have done about that and everything else is going as planned, so I zap these lesions on 10/20 and move on. It would have been great to have no brain involvement but things could still be much worse, so I consider this a good day
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Mae~ the same exact thing happened to me when we thought their was no pelvic involvement during my 9 sessions of Abraxane! Even though I was on chemo. They ended up there anyway! They are definitely annoyingly little buggers. I have been thinking of you and wishing there was something I could do. Your spirit and the way you look at things is truly something I admire about you. I want nothing more, than to be able to help the people that are surrounding me here on this thread. I look to you all when my days are bad and I really hope you will all look me....... for the same support. I adore you Mae. So happy to see you here. Happy to know you're doing ok. I care very deeply. Keep in touch!
Hope everyone is doing ok. Somedays are better than others....but this group we have here is always at our best.
~M~
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Ilimae, that sounds like a good plan! Glad to hear there is healing going on. Now zap those little buggers away!
Micmel, totally agree about the manners of the younger generation. My boys were raised with manners and morals but so many younger people weren't. The kids play in the street and won't even move out of the way when you are trying to drive down the street! But if I hit one it's my fault! My son is a preschool teacher and says the kids are unruly...many have behavior therapists at 3-4 years old! And the parents think it's funny that the kid rules the house! Not in my house!! My boys knew better! Hop you feel better better this week, I also had a bad week. Extreme fatigue and terrible pain in my neck.. I think too much iPad time. Using heat and bio freeze
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Keetmom~how amazing that you had a birthday party for your 70 year old father. I didn't mean to over look that because that is a very important milestone. You're a lovely daughter. I know what it is like to always have to be the one who reassures everyone else that you're really doing ok. Explanation after explanation! Center stage, ears all perked up. I hope you had great time. You're so hard working and kind. Lucky family you have.
Sending big hugs your way!
~M~
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Lynnwood~I just don't know what's going on! The school work is harder but the behavior is worse, and doesn't seem to be getting better. They don't care about common decency, or respect at all. If when I was young and I was spoken to by an adult. Ignoring that question and not responding the polite way, would end up making my ass hurt!! They need to get with it ! I hope you're doing well. This weather has been extremely warm and I am sick of sweating. I cannot even believe that its October 9 already. I feel If i am honest, I have no desire for Christmas or thanksgiving! I just have no energy. To worry about shopping or decorating. I just don't have anymore to give in that area. Every year that I go through, what I need and want to do changes. I just can't help it. ~M~ I hope your neck feels better. We have so many aches and pains. How do we even keep track of them all. ?
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Illamae- Im glad that you found the brain lesions when tiny. What else will you be taking after the zapping to keep everything at bay?
I read an article that said that when the cancer first comes it sends little messengers to other parts of your body and says make a nice home for me because I am coming there too! Like little scouts looking for future homes- preparing the soil- and we need meds to work on ways to prevent that.
Micmel- I feel sorry for parents of small kids now- there are so many more distractions, screen time fights etc. When my kids were small, they had no phones till high school. The Mac was in a common space in our house and when they asked for games I just said they didn't make them for Macs (and got away with that for years) My kids are not good computer gamers- but, they did thank me later for not buying them gameboys etc. What's a parent to do nowadays though??
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NKB~ I would tend to be a believer of that article. I know I was healthy and fit, no cancer in family history. And then WHAM! Excuse me miss we think we see something here and oh, we have to check that there. Since that day I feel like those monsters are always trying to get a leg up on our battle and medicine! One month there was nothing in my bones, after the umphfteenth scan, would you lookie here! After 9 abraxane rough treatments, it stillgrew there anyway. Even through that strong chemo, still allowed them new to Grow. If the cells were able to flourish in that harsh environment, what environmental environment does prevent it?
You're also 100% correct in what you said about what the kids are subjected to daily between cable, (which we didn't have until I was well into being a teenager 1983 ish maybe.). Any piece of information is at their fingertips. I would guess more than half of the younger teens don't need to have the birds and the bees talk with their parents anymore, because they already know what we learned years later. My first time was at age 17, now a days I bet it's more like 13 or even 12. Scares me to be a parent as it is, throw in cancer and I don't know, how ladies do it with really young ones. Melts my soul. Shout out to Keetmom, who is one of those exceptional mothers.
Hugs to all ~M~
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Nkb, nothing new after the gamma knife, I continue on the H & P and Tamoxifen. I will have brain MRI's every 2 months and if additional lesions are found on a regular basis, I'm sure we'll re-evaluate the plan moving forward. For now we proceed as if the lesions can be resolved with this treatment and that my targeted and hormonal meds are doing their job to keep the beast at bay.
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Illimae- sounds like a potent trio. In reality I have no idea if I have tiny brain mets- no one has checked and I think the PET only shows part of the brain stem maybe. I'm hoping I have a stupid cancer that can't figure out how to get around these drugs.
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Mae~ I really am hoping that the fact that these are tiny little cadets, and can have their asses handed to them. Hearing that the hormonal medicine is keeping it at bay is fantastic! Just another thing to put behind you. Will be thinking of you everday!
NKB~ what a scary though to think they are just laying there in attack mode waiting to just jump into action. I have had only one test done for my head. But....that was before 15 intermittent seizures this past week. All the immediate testing i passed with flying colors. Dehydration was a huge factor! Took my medicines without adequate food and hydration, big NO NO in chemo world.
Sure does open your eyes, when you feel so good, how could there be anything wrong when you're bouncing around like a bouncy ball everyday! Makes no sense !
Much love ~M~
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Guess it's one of those nights that you just can't sleep. On Sunday afternoon one of the dogs got under my feet and twisted one of my legs around him and I fell. I thought well enough ahead to pull both arms to my inside of my chest like I was hugging myself kinda, or a taiqwan preparation stance. I went down hard on my left hip bone and jarred all of the muscles in my body, on top of all of the muscle pain problems I Am having after my seizures a little more than a week ago. My left hip has a bruise the size of a melon. Everytime I roll over it's painful and swollen. When I roll the other way my arm hurts from the thoracic outlet syndrome, which the nerve pain never stops ever. Now it's just tweaked and hurts more. It certainly is always something to deal with, where this bitchy disease is concerned. I hope everyone is sleeping, like normal people do! Hugs for all 🤗🤗 ~M~
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Thank you everyone. My friend is doing ok. She has her friends, family, and a 7 month old puppy (they bought when they empty nested, her eldest son, his wife, and newborn moved back shortly after though).
Mae-I'm praying for you.
Gracie-So sorry you had to go through all that loss in that short time.
On a up note. We took the motorcycle out Sunday evening, after the remnants of Nate made it up here. Some foilage is out, just beginning here in the southern part of the state. Still pretty. Loved being out and about with our friends (she has MS and is in a wheelchair, we figured how to make a holder/trailer for it on the back of their trike, we'll be doing the same for our trike, once I need one, I'm not giving up riding!). We'll have to get out next weekend too, the weather is suppose to be great again.
Enjoy the rest of your week everyone!
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Lynne(Manchester)~ I am a huge chicken when it comes to riding on motorcycles my DH wants one. I tell him when I am gone, then you can get one. Don't scare me too soon . It was a little too warm for my liking, we took a nice ride together, walked Around the lake and went out to carabbas for dinner. My most favorite yummy place! The leaves were slightly changing then as well. It was beautiful! I love fall but do not enjoy the freezing snow! I hope you have pain free day!!Many Hugs
~M~
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Mae~ thinking of you my friend!! ❤️ Hope you enjoyed American horror!! Many hugs! ~M~
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Lynne, many thanks
Micmel, I may have missed it but do you know what caused the seizures?
Got tumor marker results, my MO doesn't do them normally and it was only 12, yay! (0-25 is the normal range)
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Mae~Hi sweetheart! I am so glad to see you here. I am thrilled for your tumor markers. That's really great. My last reading was 18 so I'm not far behind you. I'm so glad to hear that. Yeah..... I was having tongue issues with ibrance and I couldn't eat. I hadn't eaten anything solid for over two days. Taking chemo without anything to absorb it is a BIG NO NO. I was also dehydrated and hadn't slept for two nights because I felt flu like. Stuff is rolling around our community, colds etc. the flu. Ya know? So it was just a perfect storm. Everything else is ok. But still how scary. My poor family. I know I don't like ambulance rides at all. So glad you're doing good. Let's have an easy week for us all.
Much love ~M~
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.......My grand puppy Chief is getting bigger every week. I am starting to think soon I won't be able to walk him, like I Do now. If he gets too big, I won't be able to walk him and feel safe that I can control him considering how big he will be getting. They are saying his weight could vary up to 175lbs. I better get my time in now. While I can still manage. Hope everyone is well. Big hugs. Mae~ I am thinking of you my friend.
Nan~ thinking of you too as well miss seeing you here. Hope you're feeling better!
Keetmom~ hi sweety. Hope today was better. And you didn't have to chase the bus!!
Chicago~ hope all is well!
Lynne's~ waving hello hope all is well in your day!
Tanya~ 💐💐, hope you're doing better.
Claudia~~~ ? Vacation? Hope you're ok. Now I am the one falling! I had a baaaad week! Much love to all!
NKB~ can't forget you!
~M~
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Good night ladies. Hope everyone has a peaceful good night sleep, I know I need one. I looked in the mirror today and I can see where my hair is actually growingdown to the tip of my collar on my shirt. The curls are starting to straighten out again. That made my day. What a huge deal that is. I just hope against hope I can keep the hair growing. We all know how at the drop of a dime the treatments can change! Sleep well. Sweet Dreams.
Hugs ~M~
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Goodnight Micmel- I think that it is your turn to have a wonderful stress free week! So lovely that the hair is coming back to normal-it's a big deal toward feeling good.
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NKB~ Thank you. I some how turn into a night owl. I blame game of thrones actually. So much enjoying it. I hope I sleep also. The bruise on my leg is from the back of my knee all the way up to the top of thigh. When I roll over it wakes me up. Hopefully tonight will be easier. Even sleeping becomes allusive dealing with this crappie disease. Rest well. Many hugs
~M~
Mae~Auria Stark is becoming something else ! I am starting to think my favorite woman is Sansa. I just like her. Thinking of you. Hugs my friend.
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Good Morning Ladies~ cloudy here this morning. I am going to be pup sitting in a little while, I am going to walk his little heart out. It seems not too super warm today, which I really like. So that ugly penny keeps popping up in my life again. (Aka:estranged sister). We haven't even had lunch yet and she is already telling people my business and adding her own little spin on things which is one of the reasons I was like...uhhhh no thanks. In the very beginning of the estrangement!Something told me not to go! Have a happy Wednesday! Strong ladies you all are!! much love ~M~
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I must live in a tunnel. I just learned that Tom Petty passed away on October 2 , the day I had my seizures. I really loved his music and grew up listening to it. I don't Think there is a song of his that I don't know. Loosing too many people too young these days. Have a safe day!
~M~
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So this happened yesterday. I've been feeling light headed and shaky, the week after my Taxotere (I've just finished number 6 Fri). I've told my primary and the oncologist. I was told to skip my nightly metformin, which I've been doing the week following chemo, due to not being able to eat much from the thrush and mouth sores I get from the steroids they put me on for 7+ days, to prevent another bad reaction that I had with the first treatment. Well yesterday, I got up to get something to eat, and my knees buckled in the kitchen. I landed on my butt and was fine (nobody was home though, I sat therre for awhile), but this is getting old! Even now, I had an instant breakfast, and I'm still a little shaky. So sick of these side effects! It only happens the week after, and I try to eat something. Usually, its yogurt, ice cream, and instant breakfasts though. Anything mushy and not acidic. I should be able to start eating again by the end of the week. Mouth slowly gets better with the magic mouthwash and bacon soda rinses. Hope today is a better day for everyone!
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Lynne, is the shakiness an SE or a blood sugar issue? Sorry you have to worry about falling alone without a set of eyes on you or just some help.
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Lynne~ OH honey you and I and Claudia are a pair!! I am so thankful you weren't hurt. That is scary. I know exactly what you mean about not being able to eat with your mouth being so sore. That just happened to me. I do use Biotine dry mouth oral rinse. I can't believe the difference. It's like a coating of heaven and relief. I have been trying chicken salad, I swear that something you may enjoy eating ? Protein helps!!! That is what they told me in the ER. I am sorry that you aren't feeling well. I wish we could all Live in close proximity to each other. I would love to sit and talk to everyone in this little family we have become. ! Many hugs!!
Mae~ thinking of you my friend. 💕You all.
Be safe today no more falls please ! Yikes!
~M~
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Ok you all need to stop getting hurt...I don't want to "Catch" That...LOL
Mich- read your post as estrogen instead of estranged sister and for a second was like Um I don't get it...
Nothing exciting here this week..it is COLD here today like 50...so I am hiding under a blanket on my heating pad...0 -
Keetmom~ you always make me laugh. Sometimes as we all know there is too much estrogen . Lol cloudy here today which I happen to love. I was puppy sitting again today. Boy that makes me happy every single time, I love dogs so much. I jogged with him and played tug of war for a while. They grow so fast. Just like babies I suppose. I had to laugh again at you saying you don't want to catch falling. Lol. It's no fun for sure. Everyone around me is coming down with a cold. I'm going to have to break out the oh so sexy mask!!! 😷
Hope all is well. Much love ~M~
Glad to see you Mae!! Thinking of you!
Does anyone know when Claudia left for vacation.?Just making sure she's ok!
Chicago~ haven't seen you either darling. Hope you're ok. Tanya. Same thing! 💕
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.......here is my favorite puppy just today. Spent some good time with him. Makes me forget my cancer. I laugh smile, pure joy. I took him to pet smart again and of course people flocked to him, I've never seen anything like it. All I know is I adore him. I can't ever imagine treating a beautiful dog/puppy badly. I just can't imagine the kind of cruelty! If everyone could find one thing each day to be happy about and write it down. Maybe after a few weeks of seeing happy things. Maybe attitudes could slowly change. Who the heck knows. Just a thought. Happy Hump Day! ~M~
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