My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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1991, I had a penpal boyfriend in another state, so no prom date. My friend in purple couldn’t technically take his boyfriend to prom either, I I bought the tickets for me and the boyfriend and we all went together. However, I did insist that we dress cool and completely unexpected. It was great, we turned a lot of heads, lol
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Mae~wow ! You look amazing. Absolutely stunnning. Your hair is perfect not a Hair out of place. You're just truly. A Sight. It seems like you come from another era and I love that so much. It seems like you're always the one thinking outside the box. I find that pretty darn cool. I'll try to scrape up my prom pic. I saw it not too long ago, Just don't remember where!! Ugh! Happens all of the time! Love that pic and your dress, you're escorts seem to be being kept quite in line with their lady of the estate calling the shots. Lol. Loving it. Thanks so much for sharing. Ill find mine ASAP! Have a great night sleep ~M~
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Illimae, I love the prom pic! Such a fierce look for the three of you. "Penpal" - haven't heard that term in years, decades even. Used to be such a special thing back in the day! I can still remember my first penpal so vividly. Pre internet, pre-email, pre-cell phone & text. I am also still laughing about the cat/party/freak cartoon image from your previous post. That is so funny.
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Illimae - EPIC!
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I am just going to spew some frustrations here. I am sick of losing good women to this damn disease. Young precious women, who have barely begun to live. Leaving children, young children. Dani passed away today and I feel sick, angry, helpless, and scared. I don't know how much ladies and men are supposed to fight this beast, when it just kills everything in it's path. We try this or that, and it just causes damage somewhere else. She fought so hard. Endless months of pain and suffering. She did everything she could and so did MoM. Even the strongest cannot over come. I was watching this show last night and a girl said I've battled cancer and won. I kept thinking, it's a ghost that hides and unleashes when it feels like it. My mind says it can always come back. Who wants to live that way? I do not! I feel empty and emotion packed with fear somedays. What can we even do. Nothing. But suffer and lose people you've grown to love in ways of misery loves company! I just am numb.
I'll dig up my prom pic sometime today. In honor of Dani and a lfe loved and lived! ~M~
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I’ve been without cable, internet and phone from Friday until late Tuesday night due to last weeks storm. We lost electricity for 2 days but the storm damaged our outside equipment. Trying to catch up here but logged on this morning to the news of Dani’s passing and Patty considering hospice care. My heart is broken... for them, and for all us. Deep sorrow and anger are in my heart and mind. Please forgive me if I don’t go back and catch up on all I’ve missed. So devastating.0
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Re: Patty and Dani, the optimist in me has trouble processing this. The volume of losses lately make it difficult to log in sometimes. I’ll be sunshine again tomorrow because that’s my way but today cancer is just an ugly, greedy fucking bitch. (Sorry about the cussing but “oh fudge” just doesn’t cut it today)
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oh Mae~. I do agree and please don’t think for one second i mind the honesty and words to express such anger and frustration. Well said my friend. ♥️ ~M~
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Grannax ~Good luck at your appointment today. Are you taking your caddy? Yay!
MJH~. Still waiting. Hugs my friend.
I'm weak in the heart today guys. I just want everyone to be ok. This is all so hard. Having you guys here helps. Thank you.
I hear the north northeast is hit badly. With the snow. Keep safe and stay warm. Lynne(Man). Hope you have power. Today is a grey day in my heart. I most likely won't even get out of bed. But that's ok. Gotta deal with the new me. Even though it's been over two years now.... maybe that's a clue I don't accept, nor like the new me. Soon I'll be operated on again. More pain!
I see nothing anymore to look forward to. Only fear...scans...endless doctors appointments.... medicines.......infusions...shots...bloodwork....... I used to think of hiking and driving hours just anywhere with my sweet DH.... rocking on the porch with him in the chair next to me. Watching nature and hearing the peaceful sounds. How I hate what has happened. Why will never be answered. As a matter of fact none of my questions will ever have an answer again. And then here comes the why????? Have the best day you can. ~M~
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Mae - you took the words right out of my mouth! Today,I will grieve and scream fu^# cancer at the top of my lungs! For all of us destined to die from this greedy effing bitch!!
Love to all of you! Chelle
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Hey gals! Just makes you want to move up to Maine, huh!0 -
My grandson in the snow!0 -
After four months, the waiting is over. PET scan results came available in my online chart today. Overall, bone mets stable with two or three looking active. Also progression in the liver, so the Fulvestrant is not working. Meet with MO in morning to discuss next mode of treatment, which will be clinical trial, Xeloda, maybe Affinitor/Exemestane.
Bummed, but not entirely surprised.
More later, MJH
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MJH, Darn, darn, darn. I am sorry that you have progression in your liver. You seem fairly calm. Are you okay? You are well informed about options, so I know you are aware of the fact that there are many treatments still available, and more coming. Do you have a preference for your next line of treatment? Do you know which trial your MO is looking at? At least the appointment with your MO is tomorrow, so you don't have to wait too long. Sorry for all the questions. Let us know what decision your and your MO make. I am here pulling for you. Now on to other things - how much snow did you get? Looks like a lot! My son texted me to let me know he has about 18 inches. He lives in Manchester, just like Lynne. ( I live in the town right next to Manchester. I am sure I have just as much sitting in my yard. It better be gone before I return home at the end of the month.)
I am sad about all the losses, and even more sad to know that many more of them are never reported here. I, for one, will not ask my DH to pass on information about my passing. I just want to fade away and save everyone the sadness and reflection that accompanies such news. As some of you have said, the news not only causes grief for the loss of someone we have grown to know and love, it also serves as a painful reminder that a cure still does not exist. This can reinforce our fears, anger, and frustration. I have to admit that I have not become less affected by these losses as time has passed. Each loss is overwhelming, from the very first I read about to the most recent. I still shed tears. I still get mad. I still hope for a miracle.
I pray for all of you here as well as all our MBC sisters and brothers. Find some goodness and happiness in your day today.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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MJH~😞 I am sorry that you are dealing with any progression at all. I agree with Lynne. You do sound calm. That is just strength at its best. I can't believe you're out shoveling snow. That's seriously a physical work out. You go girl. I hope your MO comes up with a plan to knock back that liver crap!!! Grrrrr at cancer. Your grandson looks like he's having a ball in the snow, with that precious smile on his face. That's what being a kid is all about! Love that pic. What a cutie Patooty. I needed that smile of innocence today especially... thank you! Hugs to you strong woman! ~M~
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Chelle ~ Hello my precious angel! I'll be standing right by your side and we can yell together into the mountains. I love you my sweet friend. Thank you for finding me. ♥️ We will all stay strong together, because we have too. Talk soon. ~M~
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Lynne(50's)~ I can understand your point of view totally. Although for me, I would always be left wondering what happened and I would feel sad for not being able to honor you in someway for your sweetness and constant kindness that I have seen and admired in you. Obviously, you must do what is in your heart and you feel Is best completely, but never would you be someone who would be able to just fade away in my mind. Just like our Nan. I worry everyday waiting to hear from her. Hoping she's ok. Hoping she's safe, and not suffering. Bonds formed here may be words on a page, but the respect and feelings go Way deeper than any key strokes!! Much love ~M~
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MJH-I am sorry about the news from your Pet scan. I was on Xeloda for 2 1/2 years (if that is what he is offering next). It worked great. Only had to go into the office once a month for blood work. I remember fatigue (which is with every treatment it seems) but not much else. I wish I could have stayed on it forever. It was the treatment that lasted the longest (so far) for me. Please let us know what they decide. I woke up to 18" inches here this morning, and it's still snowing. I live on the Manchester/Bedford line (Bedford is a couple of blocks from me, a block away from Mom's house, off the top of Boynton St, Lynne). We may up with 2 feet by the end of this.Never lost power, rarely do. It is a heavy wet snow though. All it takes is a branch or tree to break. Love the pics! Here are some pics I took this morning:
Lynne0 -
Mae-Loved the prom pictures! You all look great!
Here are our's:
My senior prom, 1980.
His senior prom, 1981.
Two of my younger sisters (the youngest was in 5th grade at this time) and I at the Manchester High School West Junior/Senior prom. My sister Sharon (in the middle) was a senior (as was my husband) and my sister Colleen was a sophomore, and went with her future husband who was a junior (the have the junior and senior proms together). I was a freshman in college (I know cradle robber!). Yes Gunne Sax dresses were the thing in the early 80s. This was taken by my father-in-law in their backyard. He use to do weddings on the weekends, and still takes lots of scenic pictures at 85. Enjoy!
Lynne
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Lynne(Man)~I am so glad to hear you're doing ok in this crazy snow storm. The coop is buried under some snow!! Wow it's looks beautiful, but two feet!!! Ugh!! Hope you have some good food and a roaring fire to keep you toasty. Hoping the snow stops for you soon. We got lucky, only 6.5 to 7 inches. I'll take it! Relieved you have your power!
Lynnwood~ glad you have gotten your power back. It's scary when it's this cold out. Was this because of the wind that we had been dealing with the prior storm?? Or. Is snow storm, because the snow is so heavy!? Glad your power is back on. That is something I always hate. Hurricane sandy had our power out a week. Lost all fridge contents in both fridges. It was awful! Hope that didn't happen to you. Much love ~M~
Waving hello to Runor~. Hope you're ok. Know somethings up!! Care lots my friend. I have dick family members too, you're not alone. Sorry for that phrase. But it's true. ❣️💜 to you. ~M~
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Lynne, I drive right through your neighborhood all the time, especially when I go to Panera or T-Bones. I probably live about 6 or 7 miles from you. I used to tell people that if they went to the Weathervane, crossed the street, and walked through the woods, they would eventually get to my house. Of course, now there is no Weathervane, there is too much traffic to safely cross the street, and the woods have been thinned out a lot. I hope it stops snowing soon.
Micmel, There is one other reason that I would not want my DH or anyone else from my family to come here to post about my death. I would never want them to read what I have posted. I disclose things here that I would never want them to know. I try to shield them from some of my fears. I know how difficult it is to be the spouse of someone who has a serious illness. I try not to add to that stress.
I need to talk about something good because I think I am bringing everyone down. My DH and I went to the movies last night. We saw The Darkest Hour. It was very good. The acting was excellent. The makeup/mask/whatever on Gary Oldman was amazing. He looked nothing like himself. People in the audience applauded at the end of the show.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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absolutely beautiful, you're simply radiant! Cradle robbing suits you!!!! I am still looking for mine. I forget where I place things sometimes. I know that's shocking !!! Lol. Gorgeous smile. Love the hair. I think the dress is perfect for spring. Flowing and very pretty on you. Beautiful lady!! Thanks for sharing !! ~M~
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Lynne(50's) I understand completely! Makes perfect sense to me. But don't ever not say your true feelings here. You're not bringing us down sweetheart, you're being honest in a safe place that you help create. It's reality and that is why this thread or most threads in fact are even here for. Facing cancer brings anyone down. But getting to know good people like you along the way, makes the battle that much easier. Maybe you could select someone to whom you've become friends with on these boards that could be your go between. Which i have done. I hope you know this is your place to let go whatever you need to. Thank you for reminding me, that you have the experience of being a care taker to a spouse who is ill. That's a very important thing to understand and switch positions. Once again you've shown me a different view. I haven't considered. So thank you. ❣️🌸 hugs and love ~M~
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Lynne, I love the dress, and you look beautiful. It is extraordinary to see a picture of three sisters going to the prom together. It is also extraordinary that two of you married your high school sweethearts. (I married my high school sweetheart too, and I have never regretted it.) I am trying to imagine how my sister would have felt if I went to the same prom as her. She was quite dramatic, and I have no doubt that my parents' and I would have been subjected to a huge hissy-fit as my sister vividly described the many ways that I would ruin her entire life by going to that prom. Of course, I was only 13 when she graduated from high school, so it would have been humiliating for her to have her 12 or 13 year old sister at her prom. We were very close, but she had her limits. Hahaha. I miss her.
Lynne
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Lynne, great pics and I love you that you and DH were prom dates.
Here’s a little bit of cheering up. I tried to get my boy Biggie to wear a hat. He usually runs away when I start taking photos but here it is for now.
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hi all, just checking in, after my treatment, plus xjvega injection yesterday. A bit knackered, and sad to read some of the news here today. Like you 50sgirl, when I drift off to that other place, my DH wouldn't know he should let you know, because like you I have made comments here that are not for his eyes or my family's. Hopefully I will be able to comment until near that time, and when it goes silent, you will know. I love the prom pics, you all look so sweet. This was not something that happened in our schools in Ireland. All we had were the occasional school disco, when we eyed up the boys, and thought we were all so beautiful in our trendy early 70s gear. Saying that, I think we were like teenage girls all over the world. My daughters had school "formals " similar to your proms.
Still waiting for warmer weather, it is a lot,warmer than some,of yours, but not our normal Spanish spring. Going away for a few days next week, so fingers crossed for sun
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Lynne(50's) I have to lol at you talking about your older sister and how that dynamic is between siblings. I used to have to have some good candy or something they wanted for me to even be allowed to sit near them and shut up. There are many years between myself and all of them, I am the youngest of 4, I was never very welcomed. Gee funny how that hasn't changed much even with my sickness. You said you missed your sister. I am sorry for that. Hugs ~M~
Minnie~hope you're ok after your treatment, and getting some much needed rest. Drink fluids and sleep if need be. I find the XGeva rather easy these days. As long as I keep up on my Claritin I seem to have no side effects the longer I take it. I hope you will sail through today and feel lot more energy tomorrow! I didn't know you didn't have proms there. You're lucky, to save the money. It costs a lot of money these days. The dresses alone are so very expensive. Shoes.... hair.... nails.... makeup...tickets....flowers....tuxedo rental.... like wow Is all I can say. But it's is a special thing at the time for them in their lives. I went with one of my BFF's at the time, I had an blast because it was platonic and I can look back and always have fond memories of it. I could just have fun not worrying about anyone else except making pure memories that a jerk of An X may taint it somehow after a break up...... unless like many here. .end up marrying your high school sweethearts!!! So deliciously special!!!
Mae~💓💓💓💓 I love Biggie!!!!! Soooo precious! Love bulldogs omg perfect. Smiles all around for me. Much needed thank you! I'm still on the hunt for my prom pic. Somewhere I'll find it soon lol. I'll put out the 80's Hair warnings out now! Much love to all~. ~M~
Chelle~ Love love seeing you here. Made my day. Along with biggies pic. I Iove dogs! ♥️ ~M~
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Lnne(Man)~ your sisters are also very beautiful and their dresses are also very lovely. What a special picture. That's a great one to frame. Memories. Like that are what families are supposed to made of. I like that. ~M~
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MJH, sorry to hear about the PET results. I am looking at your signature line and see that in a few short years, you went from stage i to stage iv. I know it has not been easy for you these past few years. My thoughts are with you, sending positive vibes your way.
Isn’t it frustrating not being able to do more for one another when progression is mentioned? I think it does help in some ways, to know we are here for each other in cyber-spirit. At one time, those who walked before us with this disease did not have a meeting place like this, so I am grateful for the camaraderie.
I feel for those of you on the upper east coast getting hammered once again with brutal winter storms. My gosh! I see some places expect three feet. A long winter, to say the least.
Lynne, really, your prom photos could pass for wedding photos! Just lovely.
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Still looking for the prom pic. Of course when you don't want to find something you find it, but when you're actually looking for it, you just don't find it. That is exactly what is happening right now. As soon as I stop looking for it, is when I will find it for sure. I did find something sweet that I wanted to share. It's my sons graduation picture. I am in the red dress and my daughter who's getting married is on my left. And next to me is one of my sons very very best friends, he lives two seconds from us and our families are extremely close. He and I are also very close. The big guy in the glasses is my son. It was great day. Before diagnosis of course. ! A happy happy time for us all so so special. I wish we could go back in time. It was much simpler then. Now everything revolves around how I am feeling. What I can and can't do, just because of sheer exhaustion. I'm watching survivor and not really watching it. Just don't really have much a thought pattern, been a sad sad day. That's why I'm going to post this pic. Because it was happier times. ❣️❣️ Much love ~M~
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