My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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That snow is beautiful. Down here in Dallas I did not get one flake this year. That was a bummer, could y'all shovel some down to me?
I was gone all day, in my Caddy, but sort of confused about MO visit. She said on progression, whenever that happens, she thinks she would use Afininitor and Examestine. We were talking about F1 report. I'm really confused. She said a whole lot of other stuff but I'm too tired to write it down.
Yes I did get to see my grandchildren but only four an hour. I went over to get my grandpuppy
. I'm babysitting her at my house for a week while they go on spring break. Should be interesting to see how my cat tolerates a dog for la week. So far there's been a lot of hissing and growling but no blood. Maybe it will be OK. 🐕😾💞
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Grannax~I sometimes have to write things down I get so confused. Another good reason I try to bring people with me. This was the first time i went alone. Good thing it was just a medical clearance for my surgery. Still everything about all this is confusing! Maybe you should call your onc nurse, and get a re cap? Sometimes I do that as well! Just to clear your head. Wrapping you in a gentle hug. Get some rest...clear your mind. Much love ~M~ Oh and good luck with the arrff arfff 🐶 And meow meow 🐱 !! Hopefully they will calm down soon.
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JFL. So sorry about progression in liver. Sound as like when/ if I progress my MO is leaning towards what you may be taking. I had not heard about those two together, so it's a clinical trial. My next scan will probably be in April or May. It was just a what would next TX be for me conversation. I came home more confused than ever. This MBC life hurts my brain.💞
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Progression. Such an ugly word for us, isn’t it? It’s actually upside down for us: progression is going backwards - it’s only the cancer that gets to progress.
I have it too. Remission is over. There’s apparently been an explosion.
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Mags, Oh no, you have progression, too? I am so sorry. It looks like you will be starting Gemzar. Is that right? Are you doing okay? Btw, I had never thought of the irony of the term progression for us. I guess our whole world seems upside down from time to time. I hope Gemzar sends you right back into remission and that you stay there for a long time.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Magda~your remission is over??? Please say it isn't so. No explosion!!!! this hasn't been one of my favorite days at all....i just don't understand what is going on. I am also scanning in May. Surgery in March. It's been a rough month. It's like a constant up and down. Up and down. Let's get this progression under control. These MO's better get on the ball. I am wrapping you in a huge hug... focus on your house, even progression can be beaten back again. I want to hug you and comfort you as my sister! Much love ~M~
Dear cancer, I hated you before I had cancer, just because I knew what it was you did. Now I have it. Now I hate you more...you hurt my friends and take people, who aren't done living and are good young people. No more suffering from you, you huge piece of shit. Why can't someone in the medical field just figure out how to blow you apart so you can never hurt anyone ever again. Die you dirty pig.
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MJH. I'm so tired and in brain fog I can't even use the right name. I'm so sorry to hear about progression. My MO said today her next line of treatment for me might be Afinitor and Examestine. I had never heard of those two together. Would it be a clinical trial? I'll be interested to hear what your MO says tomorrow. I have not progressed and won't have another scan till April or May. I was asking questions about my FI report. I'm very confused about her answers and too tired to write anymore. MBC makes my brain hurt. 😮
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I'm reading these posts and I'm staggered. Just staggered. Knocked back off my feet. It fills me with terror. End of month I go for another mamm 4 months after the last mamm to compare to see if that 'area of persistent distortion' is growing or not. Everyone reassured me that it's nothing. It's scar tissue. That's all. Just scar tissue from your exploding boob lumpectomy. Half of me wants to believe that - oh god how I want to believe that. But the other half of my brain says there is just as good a chance that there IS cancer in my boob and it has been sitting in there knitting socks for the past year. As my stinking lymphedema goes out of control and things that had quit swelling are swelling up again I can't help but wonder, is this spreading cancer? That's what we all wonder! When we get a headache or burp our hearts fall to our shoes and we think, oh shit. And the losses just keep piling up and smiling women on tv jog and paddle boats and laughing with their spunky, short hair-dos. No commercials of women vomiting and shitting themselves. Or dying.
As I type this I am drinking wine. Right out of the bottle. Didn't want to dirty a glass. Drinking out of the bottle and cursing cancer and thinking of the ladies we have lost. To spirits who left us too soon.
Other topic:
My whole life I have wanted a certain dog. There are not a lot of things I have wanted. We live a pretty humble, plain life of practical choices that have to be made on one income. But ever since I was a kid, I have wanted one of these dogs. They are not overly common. I found a litter. And I really, really want a puppy.
Just as I am trying to find out if I have more cancer.
I want life to be simpler and have been taking care of legal stuff and giving away items, clearing out closets, paring down. And a puppy is going to simplify my life?
I am terrified that if I buy this pup ($1500) I will regret it.
I am terrified if I don't buy this pup, I will regret it.
Normally I can make decisions in a snap and move on. They were a litter of 7. All pups are gone but two and there is no time to lose if I want one.
I am not young. But I am not old and I don't know if I will get to be old and how much longer do I wait? I HATE how cancer has clouded even the simplest decisions.
I know there is a big contingency of dog people here. I have always owned dogs and consider myself a good owner. I have had purebreds and mutts. I have rescued hopeless cases from the SPCA. I am alone a lot and the dogs - well, I talk to them. It bothers me to think I would die before the dog. But these dogs have only a 7 or 8 year life span. But in this case, maybe that will be a good thing?
Thoughts.
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Runor, I say go for it and get your puppy! It’s been a lifetime dream and now the opportunity has presented itself to you. I firmly believe that there are no coincidences in life and that animals are sent to us just when we need them. You will get years of joy and unconditional love from your puppy and there is no price to be placed on that. You deserve it!!! Cancer has taken so much from us and if this will make you happy, no doubt in my mind that you should do this.
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Runor~I am a huge dog fan. Just over the moon for them, always have been. For me it is unconditional love, I talk to mine and they answer so....I absolutely think that I you feel like this is something you can physically do daily. Then go for it. I am still in the shape of mind. That I am moving around and as mobile after all those awful Chemotherapy and surgeries, it was because of the dogs. They had to go outside. I was alone. I had to get up. They needed to eat. I was alone. I had to get up. Had I not had those dogs i would have stayed in bed and not moved as much as I did. All the hospitals want you up and moving around as much as possible. Those dogs helped me. Not to mention they are loving.....funny and aren't from our real families.lol They show real unconditional love. Get your puppy my beautiful friend. And in this case I mean it. I'm not being flippant at all because the new generation OVER uses this phrase. But here it really suits this situation, “you only live once”Honestly though ask your heart. What does it say? (Whispers...... get the puppy make yourself happy). Much love my friend ~M~
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Get the dog. Get the dog. Get the dog. Puppy puppy puppy. Look how funny they are lol ~M~0 -
Rumor,
Without question, you should get that dog! My DH and I have no dogs right now, and I miss that wonderful greeting that a dog provides every time its owner opens the door, enters the room, wakes up, says its name. A dog is all-forgiving. If you are in a bad mood, your dog will still wag its tail at you. If you are exhausted, it will lie down right next to you (or maybe even on top of you) and keep you company. You know the responsibilities that come along with a dog, but you will get much more from that dog's companionship than you give. If you are stressed out, you will feel more calm just by petting your dog.
If I am not mistaken, you are not stage IV, right? Please don't let our fears and challenges bring you down. You shouldn't assume you will develop mets. Believe it or not, the odds are against that. Try to focus on that. Even if you do have a local recurrence in your breast, that is not a death sentence. It does not mean you will develop mets. I know it is sometimes hard to be optimistic, but please don't let our experiences put a dark cloud over your head. None of us want that to happen.
Now back to the important stuff. What kind of dog are we talking about? If it only lives 7 or 8 years, does that mean it's a big one? In case you don't already know this, I think you should get that dog if you really want it. Of course, only you can make that decision. Any decision you make will be the right one for you. I can't wait to hear what you decide.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Runor, your post had me cracking up! Just the thought of Julie running through the park and having to make a mad dash to the nearest restroom only to not quite make it and shit herself next to a tree along the way, lol
Also, get the puppy and share the pic!
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Good morning all! Runor, Get The Dog!!! Get the dog! There is nothing better for your mental and physical health,(well, maybe a horse)! Our dogs give us unconditional love! They are there for you no matter what! My Dh used to joke that if it ever came down to him or the animals, he was in trouble! We had an Akita and a Westie, when I was diagnosed with MBC. While undergoing rads to face, I got incredibly sick, vomiting constantly and so on, I told Dh that I wanted a little dog to cuddle with. We got a Malti-poo. He weighs 7lbs, and is my little cuddlebug! He snuggles up when I don't feel good and he won't leave my side. He sleeps with us at night. He has brought me hours and hours of comfort and joy! I did worry about how long I would be here, but in the end, knew it was a great decision! We lost our Akita almost 2 years ago and our Westie will be 14years old on April 1, I am forever grateful that we got Skittles!
Yes, I would like to see Julie stopping to vomit as she jogs up the hill! We are a cold, cold bunch!😅
Just in case you missed it, GET THE DOG!!
Claudia
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Bigbhome. Yes, a horse! I wish they allowed mini horses in the city. Some dogs are bigger. I am having a little trouble with my grandpuppy and my cat. After all the commotion last night when they met, I guess the dog won. She took over my cat's space in my bed! And my cat is hiding. I just stepped in poop, dog poop, so the dog is now outside whining. It's going to be a long week. I'm not in the best mood to be advising about getting a dog right now. 😣😲😫
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Oh, Grannax, I'm so sorry! Puppyhood is tough! I ran into a lady at Tractor Supply looking at Cleaning Solutions, she asked me what I thought would work on getting horse manure out of her floors! I was shocked, she says her many lives in her house. I have to say the first time I had to clean up horse manure in my house would be the last. No horses in the house for me!
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Spring is here! I saw my first Cardinal fly across our front porch this morning! I have had 5 days of migraines ... It was awesome to be able to walk outside today and not feel like the sun was knives in my eyes !
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How beautiful. I wish I could have a pool in my backyard. That's the only exercise I seriously love. laps in a pool puts me in a good place and is good for me. I wouldn't even have to worry about wearing a boob if it was in my backyard.
Yes, no mini in my house ever. Yuck. My granddaughter's dog is 3 years old. She's just never been to my house. I need to give her a break. She's a cute little Chihuahua mix. She just has to do a little learning. She's very good at cuddling, though. Your two are adorable little dogs. I wish they could make your migraines go away.💞
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Sorry I’m so far behind. Have been sick. Finally went to the dr. Yesterday. I have some unknown virus, not the flu though. Still running a fever a week later. Onc says continue with the Ibrance so I am. Will try to play catch up this weekend. Was blown away by the news of Dani
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Hi Micmel. Thanks for checking in on me. I see I have a lot of reading to do to catch up. I've been reading periodically, but haven't posted much. I think the last here maybe was about going to get passports with my daughter; that's been a while. Well, the passports came within 3 weeks; I was shocked. Anyway, she and I will be going to Kyoto, Japan in April. We've never been there, but my job is sending me and my DD is so excited to be going with me; I am too. Well, back to work.
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Lynne(50's)~ you're always so thoughtful and kind with every post you post. You're 100% correct when you say....to Runor that she shouldn't worry about getting mets. You're correct so much... we would never want you to be thinking that because we have them, that would ever mean you would get them. Our lives are difficult sometimes but we are living them. Lynne's correct when she says don't put yourself through that ever. Don't ever put yourself through un necessary worrying. We love you here because of who you are. You're worrying about your up coming exam and your mind is running away with you, like ours does as well. That we all share in commmon. Just having cancer at all. Please don't think that because it happened to us ,, that it will happen to you!! I also agree about the dogs and the welcoming that a dog brings to you! Much love ~M~
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Mae~has Biggie. I have two rather large dogs. It seems like the bulldogs have a great personality, exactly what kind of bull dog is he ? I am willing to bet he is your dude. Most times dogs adopt one person who they cherish and really listen to. I rate in slot number 2! DH is the male dominant in the pack. Mama they run to when they are in trouble ! How old is Biggie.
I had to laugh Mae, when you mentioned runors mention of good ole Ibrance Julie shitting herself while on the jog... another reason I was drawn to Runor is her amazing sense of humor... kinda like you Mae! Lol much love ~M~
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Bigbhome~Hi sweetheart, I am so pleased to see you here. I know you have been going through some major things lately and I hope you know you're missed here every single day. I hope everything is calming down and your tummy is feeling better and or you have a handle on it. I was looking through my pictures the other day on my phone. And I ran into a picture of Anastasia, I had screenshotted it to show my daughter because we are obsessed with Shepard's. I was like awwww I miss Bigbhome, then today here you are. How awesome is that!!!! I am hugging you to the point of annoyance. But. I'm sorry I cant help it. Hope DH and MIL aredoing better. We love you! Hugs~. Much love ~M~ I love your little doggies.
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Grannax~ I have had many of poop steps in the history of having puppies. But. The love out weighs the accidents. Although my hound dog was a rough chewer....Chewed everything. Shoes, stairs, kitchen spoons, you name it. He's into it. But that's his breed. Your cat used to be the king of his castle, he will be waiting until that dog goes home. Lol. I also love horses. Grew up with my horse named Fanci. I had her since she was born. Tons of work. Eventually my Mom took her over. It was just too much for a teenager. Wasn't into it. But I loved her. We put her out to pasture many years ago. She was a little wicked girl!! Hope your second day of dog sitting improves for you ! Hugs. ~M~
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Runor~What kind of dog are you thinking. Saint Bernard. New foundland ? I’m anxious to know !! Spill it girl!! Lol ~M~
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Gracie~Oh honey. I am soooo sorry. That you're not feeling well. I had the flu last month so I can understand how you must be feeling. I am sorry. It is so much harder to function with additional sickness and fatigue. Almost to the point to where you just want to scream. I am thinking of you sweet friend! Drink fluids. Don't get dehydrated!! Hugs and much love ~M~
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Bigbhome~ I have always loved your pool. Always. I had one growing up and it was heavenly every single day. I love the thought of seeing the birds flying and signs of spring. Gorgeous pic. We have to spring forward this week. We loose an hour and it stays darker later again. I always have a little problem adjusting for about a week. The dogs see the light and think oh wow it's time to eat. Wake up MOM!! So glad to see you! We had a Chelle sighting, now all we need is Nan, and we will have everyone here. I realized the other day that Divine was the first person to post on our thread. Mae was not far behind and our lovely sweet Kandy. 👼. Miss you friend! Thanks again for everyone making it what it is.
Bliss~welcome back!! Japan wow! Seems like a lot of people lately are going there wether it be for work or trying to seek medical help there as well. I heard it was beautiful.....very populated...please post some pictures of you can. I have never even seen a real pic from their that wasn't in the news papers or books etc... so great your DD is going along with you. Enjoy every single second of being together. Glad to see you're back. I always worry when I don't see people. Believe it or not. I have quite the memory!
Much love to all ~M~
Keetmom~ How are you sweetheart. Haven’t seen you since round two of rads, worrying about you. Hoping you’re ok.. you’re also onmy mind.
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