My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Keetmom~ Like Lynne said One down, soon they will be half way over. Just keep on trucking. You're a strong woman, we were all thinking of you today. I didn't want to disrupt you during your doctors appointment today, as important as it was. I wanted to respect your boundaries. Glad to hear you're back! Now rest sweet friend. Hugs to you. ~M~
MJH❣️❣️
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Keetmom, as you say, one down. Keep strong xx
Love to everyone. Meeting some old friends for lunch tomorrow. Onc treatment Wednesday.
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Minnie~ Hello you beauty you! I hope Lunch with friends is a great time with lovely weather. Our weather is still funky. They are calling for 7 more inches tomorrow into Wednesday. It really sucks. I wanted to be done with this past 6 inch storm. This past week. No more please!? You said onc treatment. Do you mean onc visit ? Or your treatment day? Hope it is quick for you! Big hugs. ~M~
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hi Micmel, weather here is not our usual sunshine. Quite dull with some rain, but due to improve. Wednesday I have bloods at 8am followed by appointment with Oncologist followed by treatment if all is well with blood results. Just a long day!, love your sparkling shoes. I want those x
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Minnie~ I hope all is well with your blood work. Even though I am sure the treatment isn’t your favorite at all. I am waiting for 65 weather or even 55. I can handle both. Little jacket and I am off! Of course that is, if I decide to move my rear end off my bed for the day! I am hoping the shoes fit me well. I do really love them! Thanks for saying that. I hoped they were as pretty as I had thought too!! ~M
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Mic, everything is moving forward with the house, as incredible as it seems (to me anyway). Closing is 3 weeks from tomorrow (Tuesday). There are a few minor repairs that need to be done, but amazingly the financing has fallen into place. Due to DH’s mental state, our finances were such a mess, he would think he had paid a bill when he hadn’t and trying to look as normal as possible right up until the end. So sad. But our credit rating had suffered, and since I had no income other than SS, the outlook was bleak. But my realtor found a lender with a big heart (and cancer!) and he’s moved mountains for me. So I’m starting to get a little excited; I didn’t let myself before because there were too many obstacles. But, here we are!
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Magda~I am so very very happy for you. I am glad that there are good people still out there, that have a heart. I do believe sometimes things are meant to be. I think you have found your home my friend. How exciting. Congratulations to you! Congratulations 🎉🎊🍾🎈
Huge hugs, you deserve to be the happiest you can possibly be in your new home, starting your awesome new adventure! Arranging furniture the way you like. Way to go!!! You should be proud! Much love ~M~
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magda Three weeks you're gonna have to move fast. I'm happy for you that the financing went through. I guess the next thing is to get your house ready to sell. If I were moving, that would be the hardest part for me. 💞
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Waving hello to Grannax! Hope you're doing well tonight. Hoping all is well with your family too. Isn't your son buying his house like now ? My DH is selling his also! Must be in the water! Everyone is selling their houses. I hope everyone gets what they want! I hope everthing goes smoothly. Closings are nerve wracking. Have a warm night. It's cold here. Expecting over a foot of snow Tomorrow!! I just can't believe it. That is crazy! Hugs my friend. ~M~
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micmel. Yes the moving truck is there. It's happening, they should be able to sleep in their brand new home tonight. Lots more moving in for tomorrow too. I'm so excited to see it with their furniture in it. I think that will be on Thursday or Friday.
I love your DD shoes. Very Bride. The sale of your DH house happened so fast. Where are he and DSS going to live during the week? Or are you and DH going to go ahead and pick out your "together" house sooner so they'll have somewhere to live? Your life is sounding busy and complicated with the wedding, surgery, selling DH house, etc.
Sometimes I wish things would happen one thing at a time, I don't know why I still wish for that. Life just does not happen that way. 💞
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Grannax~I know exactly what you mean. I am a little freaking out about everything happening at one time. My DH and DSS are Renting a smaller place for a year until DSS picks his college and moves to a four year campus. Once that happens I am moving down and we are finally going to finding our forever house. Together after going on 15 years of up and down the highways. I believe it should be our turn. To be honest I am a little worried about leaving this house to the kids to rent. I don't know they if they are mature enough to take it over. DH and I are giving them a year to Prove they can. Before I leave. If not, this one goes up too. I dearly love this house. I've lived here for 20 years this summer and I have loved it so much. I am the only person who has lived in it ever. We had it built for us. It makes me sad at the thought of losing it. We always wanted to keep it in the family. I hope against hope. It works out. Good luck to your son and his wonderful first night his new family home! That is so exciting. congratulations 🍾🎊🎉🎉🎈❣️ Hugs ~M~
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I was going through my email today from a long time ago and came across an email that my DH had given me years ago before we even knew I was sick. He saved me in so many ways, there is no real words to express the undying, unfaltering devotion I have for him. I would never do anything purposefully to harm him or ever take a chance with his love, his beautiful unconditional love, that I have finally known. I spoke at length tonight with my older sibling that I am very close with, who I truly adore. He is my closest family member along with my real mother and my sweet precious step father whom I love with all of my heart.
My brother is depressed and the heart attack that he has suffered has changed what he can do, just like the cancer has changed what I can do. We connected on a level that we both desperate needed. He feels helpless to change. He is a creature of habit ... aren't we all I said. He said his heart attack makes him live scared all the time. We all understand that so well, I shared with him my inner fears with my remission and how I hope it will continue for decades. How I hope he would manage his weight and get the diabetes under control. I know some of you are dealing with the diabetes right now! We made a promise to share our thoughts more with each other. So we can possibly help each other during this darkest time in both of our lives.
I told DH about the conversation and we said goodnight. A few minutes later I came across an old old letter that was in a card that he sent me before I was sick. It was:::just this thought snap shot from his phone that second he was thinking of me years ago and had it printed out for my card so I could hold it and know it!
I'll post in a second. But it warmed my heart to think someone that I was so deeply I love with thought of me this way!!!! ~M~
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♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ True love♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️0 -
Hi everyone....I haven't been on for a while because I've been busy with a new project. I'm writing a blog about my MBC called Breast Cancer and My Life. I feel that I have to find a purpose in this experience, something worthwhile to come out of it and some way of reaching out to others who might need to know a personal story. I'm keeping it anonymous but sharing all the details, carefully avoiding scaring people too much whilst still giving an honest account. It's not a sob story!! I'm sharing the lighthearted moments as well as sprinkling some information throughout. I'd love it if some of you might share it widely so that I can leave a legacy - not that I'm going anywhere any time soon! I'm currently giving the background in the three posts I've published and I won't be rushing to finish the story. I want it to reflect the journey (I hate using that word but I can't think of a better one)
The link is www.positivetrials.blogspot.com.au
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Mic, I know what you mean about that little piece your DH sent you. My DH was not one for writing things down; in fact, as I’ve struggled over the last few months to understand what sequence of events led him down the dark path of self destruction,I’ve scoured all his digital devices (he was in IT so very much a computer oriented person), and I can’t find a trace of him. No journals, notes, files, even his old emails and text threads seem to have been cleared out beyond his last few months. But I have 2 letters he wrote to me, one a our ten year mark and one at twenty. I wouldn’t exactly call them romantic, in the usual sense of the word, but they expressed his love in very simple and straightforward terms. The second one was somewhat different from the first; he wrote as if it were a synopsis of a screenplay, how we met and married, how our life progressed. I’m glad he didn’t see the end.
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Congrats, mags, on the house and good luck wth the moving process. I think this type of upheaval, moving towards more of what we want, is a good thing, even if it is stressful and hectic.
Micmel, sorry to hear about the tough time your brother is having. I hope he can find his way through the fear he is experiencing after his heart attack. Something that helps me combat anxiety is to do something new that I've never done before, once a week. It could be trying a new food, go to a new restaurant, take a drive down roads I’ve never driven, visit a store or festival I’ve never tried before, make a new recipe, listen to a new style of music, etc. I’ve taken a segway tour (loved it), a Bahamas cruise, snorkeled, (loved that, too!), gotten a massage, had a make-up consultation at a cosmetics counter, visited botanical gardens (a huge favorite of mine) and more. It doesn’t always have to be big stuff. It’s good to push myself out of my comfort zone. This is what my son learned in a college course was called an “artist’s date”. Usually it is something you do by yourself, but I include new experiences I have with dh, ds and others. Your brother can take small steps to trying new things. What I find happens is that the mind takes time to plan something new, experiences it, and then has the memory of the experience to think about, and all these thoughts help take the place of the scary ones that want to try to take over. Adding a new experience every week means energy going towards the positive, and after awhile, you almost become addicted to it, in a good way. Dh was never very adventurous, but as he went along with me, he got hooked and now he likes trying new stuff.
I also must add that I was prescribed an antianxiety med that agreed with me and helped calm my fears.
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Leapfrog ~ HI there darling! So glad to see you!!! I had been becoming worried about you, then sweet 50's Lynne told me she had you around a little bit. I am just glad you're ok. What a neat Interesting idea!!! I have often thought we should all try our hand at writing a book about the challenges we all have faced, just waking down different roads, At different times. I am going to check out your link! I am glad to see you back again ! I hope putting down words, is therapeutic for you. I know it does help me. Maybe you'll publish it!!!!☺️ Missed you and sending hugs to you!!! ~M~
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Magda~Everyone is different. When my DH was married to his x.. he never did things like that. I believe it was more of a business arrangement than anything. It wasn't a very strong union from the beginning. I guess many that aren't just don't last. But yours did Magda. He obviously adored you, obviously you were his queen. Some men just don't express their love well. It's more like they just take care of us. It's what they want to do! I have always said actions speak louder then words! My DH is the only man ever in my life. That always does what he says he's going to do. That is what I call honoring your life and commitments. He is such a good man. I believe your DH and most of the DH's are here, but there are a few skunks out there. I thank goodness everyday that this man has been put into my life, because I needed him. Then he showed up and my days became living, instead of exsisting! Hugs to you my friend! ~M~
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Divine~ you beautiful soul and person inside and out! I told my brother he needed medication. I guess with his heart issues, he has to be careful what he is on. I could hear the tone, in his text that he was sad and that he just wasn't doing well. It is a case of where one day he is up the next few down. One day he's positive and the next day he's talking about dying again. Most other people would think he was crazy. But I don't think that way, because I have also been faced with in my mortality. Once that happens. Sometimes one can not control the dark moods that creep in. Especially if your always home alone, which I am, and I know since he's filling for disability, he is also. I am very sad to say that, I believe that there is no way he will ever loose his weight now. He's going to be 57. He's very over weight and that is what is causing his issues. I am willing to bet that his diet needs an overhaul also.
When my SIL found my brother the day of his heart attack. He wasn't looking good at all, but he kept insisting he just wanted to go back to bed for a little while and he would call the doctor when he woke up. She had a bad feeling and said no, I'm calling an ambulance, something isn't right with you. The doctor told her, after the attack of his had happened, that had he went back to bed at all, he wouldn't have awoken again. He was having the widow maker. She saved his life. I will never really now how to really ever say thank you to her for saving my brothers life. It was really a hard time and still is hard to listen to the weakness in his voice, sometimes I believe it's also hopelessness. Because he knows it could happen again at any given time. Living on the edge of Health issues is just so hard. Thank you for the ideas. I'm going to take a drive today alone. Down to the lake, before the 14 inches of snow fall on us yet again. Second week in a row. Is this March? Or January? Ugh! Have a great day. If I haven’t told you lately Divine. I think you’re wonderful.
Keetmom~ thinking of you honey. #2 going to down soon! ❣️❣️❣️❣️
Much love to all ~M~
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Hey gals-
Micmel- Your sweet messages saying that "I am waiting with you" mean more than you know. I am so touched by the fact that you have remembered that "I am waiting". May need to reschedule appmnt. now due to that mega Nor'easter coming in. Give me a break--not thrilled. Both pairs of wedding shoes are so exquisite! I am imagining you and DD looking beyond lovely on the big day. Glad your DH was able to sell the house-bittersweet. You two so deserve a new home together-so many sacrifices made. Very glad to hear that Bighome is OK and soldiering on. Sorry to hear of your brother. It must have felt good to commiserate. it's so hard to see a treasured sibling suffer. You want so much to help, but ultimately, they need to solve the issues and it's a helpless feeling. The gift is that you have one another to lean on.
Magda and Grannax- guess there's a lot going on in real estate on this thread! Grannax, it must be gratifying to see DH moving into his new home. Will he backflip over the thresh hold? Magda- yay for you! Sounds as though things are going smoothly.
Divine-I am sooo with you on exploring botanical gardens-we have a lovely one here in Maine. I have enjoyed so many over the years and they are so centering.
Leapfrog-can hardly wait to check out your blog. it must feel so cathartic to be writing it all down.
Mae-LOVED the jean photo! I wouldn't have expected less!
The Lynnes- hugs! hope the New Hampshire gals are well!
Minnie-best of luck tomorrow. Sorry you are being plagued with the damn sciatica-just what you need with everything else. Hugs!
I am doing quite well managing the diabetes-pleased so far. Guess I will be taking my grandson sledding again this weekend with a foot of new snow on the way. Ugh, I am ready for crocuses and daffodils!
Sending wishes for the very best day to all of you. Love MJH
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MJH. I'll be there on Friday, I'll see if I can catch him mid air in a back flip through the front door.......maybe at 44, he will prefer the front yard. LOL
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HI everyone, This is Julie/Alice reporting in from sunny Florida. I am energized by the weather here. The condo complex where we are staying is a good place to walk, so my DH and I have been walking every day. I have been getting in at least 10,000 steps a day. I hope I continue that when we return home. We have also spent time at the pool each day, so I have done some laps there. Swimming has always been my favorite form of exercise. It has a calming, soothing effect on me. We haven't been to the beach yet other than a quick look. There are red tide warnings around here, and it can cause respiratory irritation. Since I want my lung nodules to show as stable or improved when I rescan next month, I am avoiding any possibly lung irritation. If the nodules have not doubled in size or increased, they will be assumed to be benign and I can stay on Faslodex/Ibrance. We are hoping that the beaches are clear by thursday, and we will go then. I did take a few pictures of Naples Beach. I will try to remember to post one. Tanya, Thank you for this perfect weather. I asked for low 70's to low 80's, and you delivered. I heard that we could get some showers tomorrow, but rain is needed, so I am okay with that. Micmel, MJH, and Lynne, I am sorry that you are expecting that nor'easter tomorrow and Thursday. I wish that it would blow out to see. The ski areas will be happy. Of course, the school kids will like getting another day off, but I am sure they will have to make it up in June.
Magda, I am glad that your hoping adventure is going so well. It is so exciting. I can't wait to hear more updates from you.
Grannax, I am happy that you spent time with your grandchildren. I am sure it will be nice for them to get settled into their new home. For me, the one downside of being in Florida is that I miss my children and grandchildren. I have received some text messages from three of my older grandchildren and some of my sons and also some phone calls from some of my sons, but it isn't the same as spending time with them.
Micmel, Both shoe styles are just beautiful. You were wise to get those kitten heels. Comfort is all-important. No one needs achy feet at a reception.
Minnie, I hope that all goes well at your appointment. Sciatica is a painful (very painful) nuisance. Is it getting any better?
Mae, Wow, I don't think I have owned that many colors of jeans over my entire lifetime. I am basically a boring person, but I would like to be more adventurous in my wardrobe. I do like the color red, but usually buy red shirts, not red pants. Time for me to branch out.
Divine and MJH, There is a botanical garden here in Naples. I am planning to visit it while I am here. In the meantime, I am enjoying the beauty of the trees and flowers around me. I look forward to cleaning up and tending to my gardens at home. Planting has to wait until late May for the most part, but my perennials will start popping through before that.
MJH, When will you get your scan results? Do you have to wait until you see your MO or are they posted to the patient portal ahead of that's? You probably already told us.
Leapfrog, I will definitely read your blog this evening.
Lynne, is this chemo week? I hope you are feeling okay. I also hope that the snow melts quickly.
Keetmom, I hope you are feeling well. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi to anyone I missed.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Good afternoon all,
50's girl you look like you're in Clearwater. My husband and I went to Naples when we first came to FL for a getaway and we went to Tiger tail beach or something like that. I always miss my children or grandchildren when I'm on vacation with my husband. I often think of what fun we'd be having if they were with us but it's so much work. Rest and relaxation is wonderful. I'm happy the weather is behaving for you. ENJOY!
Mae those pants look like a crayon box all laid out. Beautifully colorful. I'm sure you'll enjoy your upcoming FL vacation in Destin.
Micmel the shoes are classy and comfortable. Someone called them kitten heels. So cute. I lost my nerve and strength to wear heels after the 70's platform high heeled life. lol
Grannax being with my grandchildren is wonderful. Five of them currently live two houses down and across the street. They play basketball in the cul de sac and my dear granddaughter checks on us daily after school. They are a tonic.
Magda congratulations on getting the house and closing in 3 weeks. That's excellent. You're a strong woman moving forward and changing takes Viking strength. You got it.
Keetmom my prayers are with you. Beginning a new treatment regimen is filled with unknowns. We are all here for you.
MJan I hope your scan results are posted for you soon with great results.
Minnie I'm sorry to hear about your sciatica. All the walking I did with my sister this week reminded me of my dear hip.
Leapfrog I intend to read your blog.
Divine I loved the artists date lesson that your son shared with you. I intend to try it soon.
Anyone I missed have a lovely day.
My DH will have his last day of work Thursday. Friday morning they're having a party for him at school and then that afternoon we're off for a 10 day trip to Dubai and Saudi Arabia. We'll see if this retirement works for him. It's the third job he's retired from.
Tanya
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MJH~thank you for your sweet words. Of course I am going to remember you're waiting for results. You're one of our sisters here, I care very much. Without you guys somedays. I would talk to the wall, and it might even answer. Going through this , is so hard we all need to ban together here in our own little safe place, where we all understand and we all genuinely want good and happy things for each of us! My day will come in May when I am scanning. I'll need your shoulder then for sure. Soon I will be having surgery, I Am nervous, but who wouldn't be? Going under anesthesia Is no picnic for anyone really. ❣️❣️❣️ Still holding your hand! Hugs ~M~
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I’m at my cancer clinic waiting for a scan. This is my view.
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hi lovely ladies, 50sgirl so jealous of the beaches. We had a lovely lunch today with old friends we hadn't seen for a few years. On the beach, well behind glass looking at the beach as it's still a bit cool here in Spain. I know it will get better and then I will complain of being too hot. Thank you all for best wishes for my sciatic pain, which is preventing me from sleeping and driving me crazy!!! Will ask Doc tomorrow for some pain relief.
Good luck on all those house moves. My daughter moved house in Scotland last week, and were snowed in for next three days. Got the furniture in just in time!
Feeling like,sleep is trying to win even though this leg is feeling electric shocks. Night night x
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Magda~At least it looks more like a spa. I know it isn't, but doctors offices can be so ugly and cold, with no warm colors or anything. At least the view has a warmth to it. Although we both know that's the Last place you'd really want to be. I am really hoping that your scan shows good news and you can feel easie about going into your move soon! It's so great that you navigated that yourself. You're a strong amazing woman! You go girl! I'll be thinking of you and hoping for good scans! Hugs to you many of them! ~M~
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Keetmom-glad your first treatment went well! Hugs!
Micmel-Love both your shoes and your daughter's! Just beautiful!
Bighome-Thinking of you! Hugs!
Mae-Glad your hubby is feeling better every day! Love your rainbow of jeans! I only have beige, black, and the one's I wear daily 4 pairs of denim.
MJH-Thinking of you today. I hope you got good results! I hope we don't get as much snow as they are saying (8-14", hubby is happy, he plans on going skiing this weekend) tomorrow and Thursday. We lucked out the last storm, only rain and wind, hopefully we will have lesser than they are expecting (temps are suppose to stay low though). I know spring isn't until March 20th (and much later here), but I am so done with winter.
Minnie-I'm glad you'll get to see your grandchild in May! I love seeing my 3, but boy am I exhausted afterwards. We kept them overnight. Our older daughter slept on the couch, and our granddaughter slept in her daybed and the 2 boys shared the trundle bed, feet to feet, in her room. They went to bed at 9, and the older grandson was asleep when I checked on them at 9:30, the other two were both awake, I told them to go to sleep. At 10 they were still up, again I told them the same. Finally, at 10:30 (waaay past their bedtimes, good thing it was Sat), Aiden (the 5 year old, youngest grandchild), says he has to go potty. Instead of going down the hall, he went down the stairs (where Auntie was). I got Pepere, and told him I wasn't chasing him. He said Christy is down there, she'll make him come back up. She did. He came to our room, and of course, softy Pepere, let him sleep between us (we have 2 x-long twin adjustable beds, so he got the crack). He fell asleep almost immediately, but only slept until 6am (the other 2 were up at 5:30). I went to bed very early on Sunday!
Divine-Glad your appointment went well!
Lynne-I hope you're enjoying FL. Snow on the way tomorrow, and lots of it (I hope they are wrong again like last week, and we only get rain, I doubt it though!).
Cleaning at the dentist tomorrow and Chemo on Friday. Finishing off my antibiotics from my ER stay today and started my pre-steroids today. Hopefully, the diarrhea will end for a few days, before it starts all over again on Monday. My little sleep week starts today. I am so looking forward for my break in April.
Hope everyone is having a good week so far! Hugs and prayers!
Lynne
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Tanya~ Hello darling, I wish I was sitting on that beach for sure. Without cancer and without worry about every single thing that twinges or aches even a slightly new feeling anywhere! How awesome it is that your grand children live so close to you. That is what I call a great deal there. That is such a nice thing for your family. The perfect senario! I am sure having them after school is the highlight of your days! Much love ~M~
I desperately need my kids to be able to be on their own. Especially if they are getting married. It's my son I am worried about. He doesn't have a girlfriend after a bad breakup, makes me sad. My daughter found her partner, he needs his. He can't do it alone! I love them so much. All I want is for them to be happy! I get scared that they'll be ok! My heart feels funny and hurts extra much with worry for them. Why is being a parent so hard? 💔😢 i have waited four years for them to get it together. I guess they never thought I would really ever move. I'm too sick to be alone, and while I completely realize, I could get worse. They are sometimes clueless. I wonder if they even remember I am sick sometimes. I do a lot still, but nothing like before!!
They have their lives in and out and in and out. I want to live in the same house as my DH. I need him. I want to still be a mother. But it is time that they make their own way ! I have done everything I can do. I waited four extra years. We are tired and we need to just take care of each other! It's just time. This is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. That and cancer. Divorce rates pretty high also. So hard anymore! Everything is hard. I need a new body! Now my mind is going. Ugh! Hope everyone is well. Sorry if I rambled again. Some days are hard ~M~ ❣️❣️
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Minnie~ I really hope you'll be able to sleep! I feel terrible for you that you have to deal with this additional annoying pain. I have had boughts with it and I know it can be quite horrible. Especially if it's all fired up and irritated. When mine bothered me, it was usually one spot specifically. I used a lidocaine patch Over the area and and it seeemed to interrupt some pain signals, long enough for me to rest. They call them salon pas here. I get mine from a prescription at 5% lidocaine. The salon pas are 4%lidocaine. Not a huge a difference. But it's really does help with the pain. I really hope that it gets better! As if any of us needs anything else to deal with!! Glad you had a nice lunch. Even the view of the beach would make me happy!
Much love ~M~
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