My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Hello right back living. Hope you’re doing ok today. I know we all have our own things to deal with. Sending hugs
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Mel, Sadie, Candy and everyone having difficulty at the moment, you are all in my thoughts and prayers. I don't post every day, but always check in to see how you're doing. I get such comfort from finding you here.
Thank you
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Thank you Mel and LivingIVlife.
Mel, I too did not feel this way before diagnosis. My friends/family have always been busy, and I have always been on my own, but now I feel it more acutely. I too don't know if I will ever accept my cancer, and my "new normal" life— not working, not feeling well enough to do "normal" things.
The Rehab after hip surgery is one of the things that is keeping me from having the surgery. I was told I would need to go to a Rehab facility for a couple of weeks after surgery. I have a cat, and getting someone to care for him in my absence would be hard. And I don't really want to be away from my home for that long. I want my own bed, my own space. I would rather have the surgery and come back home after discharge. I can muddle through in my small house. At least I would be in my comfort zone.
But also I worry about the surgery itself. I am so fatigued already- I have to nap practically every day. I don't know if my body can handle the stress of major surgery and recovery.
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@micmel and @candy-678: I hope it's okay for me to chime in. What you both said reminded me of something I read elsewhere about the complexity of trying to process the changes living with breast cancer has on the future and one's identity (as well as more). Though it was in the context of someone with an earlier stage breast cancer, I think the way she phrases captures what you are both getting at—but I think is difficult to fully express in words. The non-linear nature of grieving living with MBC.
“Our turning point. My turning point.
I can grieve it, or I can accept it. Or, yes and … both.
And what does it mean to grieve and accept it? And what is it that I am accepting? This journey? I can live it, but I certainly don’t accept it. Maybe someday I will.
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Micmel, Thank you for your lovely words about Great Grandbaby, Jonahan. He definitely is a perfect smiley cutie patooty😊💙
Denny10 I know! Right? There’s nothing like a baby smiling to lift one’s spirits and bring joy.
Mara51506 I also need to push myself to walk more in the warmer weather. I love walking in the cold but not the heat. I have not really walked since I was diagnosed with Bone Mets in January. Today would have been perfect for walking but it wasn’t a good day. I was really not feelin well from some of the side effects of Verzenio. I went off it for 6 days while I was away but started back up on it last week. Today I was so tired and nauseous, and had. Chills all day.🤢🥶🥱
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Shana~ I know the treatments can be hard on us. Be good to yourself and rest when needed. I try to do something each day. And nap when my body feels like it needs it. Give that little Jonathan a cheek crab from the crazy lady in the living. I love that you have that in your life. Must be an amazing feeling.
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Candy, Mel, Sadie and all others struggling, I am in your pocket. For those dealing with depressive symptoms, I can empathize as I struggle with it daily. Yes, from the cancer because it robbed me of my social aspects of working and it stole my mother as I chose to not get married or children. Now I am alone most often, yes I keep busy with stuff I do but that also is a bandaid to avoid my feelings. I just do the best I can.
I have a full day at the cancer centre, probably walking there. Had basic 1/4 cup beans, wheat bran and cheese chopped up into usual ground beef texture, microwaved 60 seconds, seasoned with steak seasoning, salt and used a bit of mayo to bind it. Was a nice basic breakfast. I am pretty tired as my stupid body worries about going in early and robs me of sleep, I stayed up watching youtube and probably dozed some, I'll survive. Thats about it.
I am also going to have to start limiting the time I spend with the checkin call. She is nice but very inappropriate in things she is talking about, not sure if it is her brain injury. There is a long waiting list so I am not looking to dismiss her but I will start the cut off at 5 mins as I can be quick talking about my day, not that you guys would be able to tell. 😹
Edited to add that I walked 2/3 of the way. Cooling off with my neckfans.
Goldens, that was a lot to go through, hope you are feeling better.
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What a past 36 hours. Went to bed Monday evening not feeling well. 1am comes along and I start vomiting, every hour on the hour. Then came diarrhea. Could not keep anything down. Had chills, body aches but no fever. Lost 9 lbs. PCP sent me to ER and we got there around 5:30 pm. Finally got hooked up for some fluids and Zofran. Did a CT scan of abdomen, fortunately that was normal. Another liter of fluid and finally got out at 10pm. Yesterday was the first time I’ve spent all day in bed since lord knows when. It was awful. My labs were wonky. WBC 1.3, absolute neutrophils .9. I’m only half way through my 21 days of Ibrance (restarted after shoulder replacement). Hate to see my labs when 21 days is up. I know this is a minor bump in the road compared to what some of you are going through. I think of all the struggles you have and there is no end in sight. Thankfully we have each other.
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Well, my MO is letting me have CT scans from chin down once a year since it is stable for the past 8 years. Still see MO every three months. If next MRI is clean, I will ask for six months for the brain.
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Mara,
I hope you continue going for your followups with MO every 3 months.
I saw my Oncologist every 6 months since 2009, the MBC showed up right after my last 6 month visit Dec 2022. And it was numerous throughout my thoracic spine, lumbar, sacrum. Ilea,sternum and ribs. It seemed all at once it showed up, so maybe every 3 months followups for you is a good thing. And scans more often.
When I was going for 6 month followups, I began feeling, maybe I shouldn’t go so often because, 13 years NED, I beat this. But now I’m glad he sees me once a month, does Labs, moniters my 2 monthly injections, and watches to be sure treatment is working. He had me scanned last visit in April, and was glad. To see everything was stable. So now with this new Mets situation I feel safer seeing Onc once a month😊
Those of you dealing with not feeling well surgical & med side effects, my heart is with you. Praying for you as e all are facing a new normal every day.♥️🙏
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Shanagirl, I will still be seeing MO as usual every 3 month, need to weigh in and do bloodwork and basic check up. Just taking the chin down CT scan to once a year, it;s been clear for 8 years now. Brain is scanned every 4 months, should it show nothing again, will ask for 6 months for the MRI.
I am amazed at myself, as mentioned earlier, did not get any real sleep due to body making me stay up to avoid oversleeping. I did get 20 mins into the walk there but took bus the last little bit. Got some walking at the hospital as well but due to full lunch at the hospital, I was able to walk home fairly easily. I am warm and face is red but recognize not overheated. I also did my PT, some whilst out in the waiting room and the standing stuff in the patient's room. I was also surprised to hear weight is still the same, not up or down. Better than gaining I guess. Weight loss is not tops for me, staying strong and walking is. My neck fan broke, one of the grills broke BUT I can probably fix it with a few stitches around to hold in place.
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Goldens-That sounds awful! Hope you feel better soon.
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livingivlife in your pocket today.
take care everyoneTanya
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goldens, that sounds horrible. Did they control the vomiting and diarrhea?
I'm waving hi to everyone in the living room. Saw the dentist today. No root canal needed. Yay. Just watch and wait, which is fine with me.
Carol
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Hello Ladies, it’s a warm night tonight so I’m not liking that at all. Got my nails done today. My birthday gift to me. Tomorrow’s my 53 birthday. Another year to be thankful for. Saturday we are celebrating with the kids. But tomorrow’s going to be DH and myself. Dinner is Saturday. He’s making me seafood linguine. Scallops shrimp crab meat. Over linguine in his delightful white sauce. I am looking forward to that.
Goldens ~ hope you’re doing better. Hello to Mara, Candy,Mae,Cookie,Living, shana,kitty, sondraf, Elenora, Tanya, emac, Chicagoan, Sadie,sunshine, AJ, wren, trying to get everyone covered. But if I have forgotten for. Now I’ll be back. Sleep well beauties. We need our beauty sleep
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Happy Birthday, Micmel! Wishing you many more good years.
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Happy birthday Micmel, enjoy your birthday weekend. Goldens that sounds awful I hope you're feeling
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Happy Birthday Micmel, hope it's a great day. Dinner sounds yummy.
Goldens, I'm on Ibrance and just finished my first cycle. Gosh that was an awful reaction. I hope it's under control now and you are feeling better.
Hello to everyone and hope for those that are struggling to find healing. I have difficulty with remembering names due to MS, so please forgive me. I read each and every post and send hugs and prayers.
That dog really is something illimae. Love that mug.
And welcome into this world sweet great-grandson of shanagirl.
Tomorrow my DH goes for a pet scan. He was diagnosed with chronic lymph leukemia in Jan. Now his latest blood tests are concerning. I'm praying that he is stable and does not require treatment at this stage.
Sometimes we are so weary.. Sometimes we just feel plain numb. Sometimes life just about breaks us. But then when you look at your loved ones, be that friends or family, we find the courage to keep marching forward. My reason is a sweet 9 year old GD, Genevieve Fay. She lives with us and gives me a reason to forget this disease for a few moments and enjoy her in my life.
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Happy birthday Mel! Seafood linguini sounds amazing!
Irishlove - agreed, we all need that something to give us a reason to believe in the good things in life.
Goldens - that sounds miserable. I hope that you are feeling better.
It's almost one in the morning and I am just peeking in to see if anyone else is a night owl. Being off of my work schedule my sleep is so messed up. I'm also really hurting and that doesn't help. I got up and took a Norco and soaked my back and legs in the bath at midnight. I feel a little better but am waiting to be tired enough to sleep.
Hello to the rest of the living room. I am here for pocket duty for anyone who needs it.
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Emac, sending sleepy thoughts to you, I am sorry about the pain you are enduring right now.
Irishlove, in your pocket for support as well as DH pocket for support as well for his PET scan. Don't worry about being able to remember names, posts move quickly, I read all too but have a hard time responding to everyone.
Goldens, I really hope you are feeling better as well today.
I slept well last night, was so exhausted by end of day from previous lack of sleep, it was a struggle to toddle off to bed. I know I slept some on the couch and then got to bed. It was early so woke earlier today. Laundry, surveys/games and housework on agenda. Debating a mall or outdoor walk. Foods today featuring eggs rice etc. We will see. I fixed the broken part of the neckfan with a couple of stitches to hold it together, just tied knots. Should be good to go.
Hope everyone has a good day.
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So because cats are fed several small meals a day, decided to stretch their wet food as well. Give them 1/2 a whiskas perfect portion, put warm water in magic bullet and whip up food and water. Gives extra water which does not hurt and allows for more feeding as they want it. They enjoy their cat smoothies.
On a weird note, I am sewing up my silicone popcorn bowl, I don't make popcorn but need something to hold a bag of popcorn as it is made. It came to close to a burner and got burned, splits happening on side. Since it will not be heated again, figure it would not be a bad idea to sew up edges to be able to keep using it instead of throwing away. Should be good. Yes it is weird I think but I like to try to reuse things.
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Happy Birthday Mel. I will be 53 in the Fall, so we are close in age.
Saying Hi to all.
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Happy Birthday Mel, I am going to be 52 in November this year. Waving HI to Candy as well as everyone else here.
Breakfast became more of a hodgepodge of stuff. 1/4 cup black beans, spinach and bit of cheese with wheat bran, comes out ground beef texture, cooked a hashbrown as well, quite crispy and got a sausage patty to cook up in the sandwich maker post defrost Was going to have an egg but felt it would be too filling, will have eggs later today.
Also changed mind, decided to go to a dollar tree nearby, can take the bus and still have some decent walking, in the mood to spend a couple of dollars and check their stuff out.
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Happy Birthday Mel. 53 sounds young to me - I'm almost 30 years older.
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Happy happy birthday 🎉
Just reading along for now, still sleepy.
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Happy birthday, mel! Enjoy your day, your yummy dinner and then time with your kids.
Irish, I hope all goes well with your husband. Sometimes, it all feels like just too much!
Emac, I was awake until after midnight last night. If I had known you were in the living room I would have come out to hang out with you!
I just got a new slow cooker. I’m going to try a beef stew recipe. DH is vegetarian, so it will just be me eating it (probably freezing some). I love a good beef stew, but I rarely have it.
Mara, once again, you’re a busy beaver!
Goldens, I hope today is a better day.
Hi, mae!
To all the rest (my eyes aren’t working well, so I can’t see who all is in the living room) I wish you a peaceful day.
Carol
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Happy Birthday to Micmel!!
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Just checking in and reading. Hi everyone. Oh Micmel Happiest of Birthdays with your family!! Have a great day and enjoy DH’s seafood dinner. I’m a Jersey Girl and always appreciate a good shore dinner. Love seafood.😊🦞🦀🦐🐠🎉
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Happy birthday Mel! I hope you have a great time with your beloved family around :)
I was a bit too overzealous in the pool yesterday with my leg exercises and had to have hubs get the crutches out of the shed this afternoon :( Hip and back feel great, this time its a quad/TFL strain. Tomorrow I have monthly oncology visit; Im hoping I can get this calmed down enough to switch to cane in the exam room. Guess Ill take a solid week off at this point to give things a chance to catch up. We're going to try some kt taping in a moment and he came home with medicinal support ice cream :)
I hope everyone has a really nice long Memorial Day weekend - its long here as well and its supposed to be sunny and warm. Best of luck to @livingivlife for good scan results, @Goldens- I hope you feel better ASAP! And of course thoughts to @sadiesservant for keeping on through all the changes but still taking the time to keep in touch. You are one tough lady!
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Happy birthday Mel!🎉🎂🥳
Every year is a triumph!
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