My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel, tho I haven't been through the extensive surgery you had recently, I feel like I lost some of my mojo, too, in the past several months, despite efforts to rise above it all. Last summer, dh and I spent a leisurely five days in Ocean City, Maryland, walking on the ocean boardwalk everyday. It was so restorative and felt so good. I vowed on the way home to keep up with the walking, to put my exercise routine first before every other responsibility, and I did. Even during the next five or six months, when different things in life knocked me off kilter a bit, I re-found my equilibrium and kept with the routine. Winter was more challenging, then walking on that treadmill caused the stress fracture in my foot that is taking soo long to heal. Events with my mil and dh's jumbled work schedule further caused me to lose focus. I am hoping with spring starting to break through, I can get more centered. I really, really liked putting the exercise first and letting all else follow, regardless if things got done, got done well or got done at all.
Despite lack of focus, my weekend has been good. Dh is working overtime, so I rented Big Little Lies on DVD and binge-watched it, loved it, and got the kitchen floor mopped. Also placed a small table I painted white in the bathroom underneath the picture dh and I hung and added a few accessories I picked up while we were renovating. I am going for a calm, clean look in there:
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Mae~ In all my haze I didn’t notice the awesome TUTUS! I am so glad your knee is ok and didn’t cause any problems. Loved the pic of you and your DH. Those are special moments. So now I want sprinkles. Please ? Lol. I loved all the pics. Hope it didn’t rain on you! I am in bed trying to heel the last part of my surgery. My huge cut from hip bone to hip bone. Painful!
Thanks Holmes. Mama Bear wanted to rip someone’s head off. Nicely of course. Just still can’t belive that it happened. Hope all Is well, in everyone’s Sunday
Keetmom~ hope all is ok ! Much love ~M~
Bigbhome ❣️❣️❣️🌷
Chelle 💜❤️🦋🌷 love you
Nan~ worried worried worried!! ❣️❣️❣️❣️
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Divine~ love the look for sure. I love that painting! My beach scenes always make me smile. It's number happy place. I loved it so muchz... I'm realizing before my hormonal melt down that is. Now If feel a ray of sun.... and I feel way too hot. I hate it. I loved the beach. I was an 11 to 500 pm all day worshipper. I miss feeling young to even make any choices. It's kinda like I was handed a molded loaf of bread and I need to figure out how to not get sick but I still need to eat it.ugh yuck yuck! Much love ~M~
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Divine, big little lies was great, I loved it too!
Micmel, that my work husband I’m pictured with, not DH. The other pic is me with his wife and daughter. DH was waiting for us at the finish line. Oh and sorry to hear about your son, people suck.
Got a jury summons in the mail, ugh.....
Gamma Knife brain rads on Thursday, that came up quick.
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call your doctor. Remove from jury duty. Immediately ick! I think it's wonderful you have such a good relationship with your work peeps. That makes such a. Big difference. You look great. I'm happy your knee didn't keep you down. But then again. Not much does. I'll be thinking of you on Gamma day. I have some stuff coming up too. Blood work,scans oncologist appointment, XGeva shot, then palliative care doctor. I really need to see her. The point of registering me as a medical marijuana patient was to help lessen my use of the opioids. Which I was really for all the way. 3 problems already. 1.The cost is insaine. I don't know anyone who could maintain that expense for such a small oil Cartridge, which youneed typically two per week or a little longer. So that $140 every two weeks. That went from free for 120 pills that work. 2. Demand. Since we are thee only dispensary that has functioning sales with product, they run out of product every other day. It's helping, Patients, but then you can't even get it because people are coming across the actual state to get to our dispensary. Which takes all our counties products that were intended for those who live in the state. 3. I can't not be without a pain outlet. I can't one month be issued 60 pills and be ok but then they lower the amount of pills because I am a patient now in the mmj program. But if you lower the amount quantity of prescribed pills for me and there are two weeks without time, when I either can't afford it, or they are out of product. That is certainly not the residents fault. We are in the actual county we are supposed to be reporting to. Frustrating for sure. But I know everyone wants to feel better!! And they should be able to make this stop Happening!
Going to bed. Last night with my son. And what happened. Bothered me. A lot. Here is his face much love~M~. So close to his eye. So upsetting !!!
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hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm already missing my sweet DH. I love that man so much. Just seeing his crystal blue eyes. Brings me right back to the day I knew I was in trouble. I knew I was in love. He spends everyday. So effortlessly. Reminding me why I love him so dearly. He told me this weekend, that our love has taken on such an impenetrable love and bond together. I am truly a lucky woman. I adore him. More than words can express. Much love ~ M~
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Micmel-I'm so sorry what your son went through. What the heck is wrong with people these days?! I'm glad you got your drains out. You must feel so much better with them gone! I know what you mean about the medical marijuana. I got 2 tiny vials of oil for $50. I only take it on the bad days, even though they want me to take it everyday. So expensive! There are only 3 "stores" in NH. I don't know if it's cheaper in MA because it's available to everyone, not just medical. I should check it out. It's only a half hour away from me.
Mae-I love your pics! You look great in that tutu! Good luck with the gamma knife on Thursday! Hugs!
Divine-Love that pic of your bathroom. I love the picture above the table, beautiful!
Keetmom-I'm so sorry. Hugs!
MJH-I'm glad you got to get away to VT. We went on a Mini run (with 5 other Minis) yesterday, and 1/2 the ride was in VT. We ended up on dirt roads (it was a state route too!) for a half hour. All our cars looked like they went 4 wheeling! I was laughing the entire time. The dirt road was actually better than some of the paved roads we went on. Lots of frost heaves and pot holes! Good luck with your procedure! Hugs!
Bighome-hope all is getting better.
Magda-Hope you are enjoying the new home.
Lynnwood-Sorry about your knee.
Tanya-I know what you mean about the surgeon thinking putting in a port is nothing. Mine kept telling me it wasn't a surgery, it was a procedure. I said to him that he was cutting into me, so it;s a surgery. I'm glad you got put to sleep. Most horrible experience so far for me. I hope it's healed now. When will they be using it for your chemo. Mine was used 5 days after. Boy did that hurt putting the needle in and out. Once it totally healed though, it rarely hurts, I use the numbing cream before I go though. Good luck! The worst is over.
Lynne-How are you loving this snow, sleet, rain mix, yesterday and today? I am so ready for Spring to come and stay!!
I've got to get to my summer clothes, to see what fits. I've lost weight and my jeans are baggy (they still stay up though, thank God for elastic waists!). Hopefully, a few capris fit! Otherwise, I'll have to go shopping. Something I really hate to do! 5 days until FL!
Hugs and prayers to all!
Lynne
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Good afternoon
Beautiful day here nice breeze and 60’s.
Micmel I hope whatever idiot did that to your son goes to jail. That’s awful. I’m happy your son didn’t get out of the car. Sometimes it can escalate and clearly this person was out of control. Nowadays you don’t know if it’s mental imbalance, drugs or DNA.
Divine your bathroom picture is inspiring me to complete my bathroom project. Seems like a long time ago we started the bathroom and then hurricane Irma and life happened. I need a new sink and cabinet. We’ll see the nice breeze blew the back fence over so that’s the priority for right now.
Lynne NH I love your mini stories. My dear friend has always wanted one. I’ll have to get my own she already drives fast.
I think I’m allergic to the tape I have blisters all around the outside. Extremely ugly and painful. I called Dr and they said ER if I get a fever. Thankfully that didn’t happen. I’m supposed to remove bandage in 5 days. My husband removed some last night bc so sore. It feels better today.
Prayers and hugs to all.
Tanya
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Lynne ~(Man) I would love to be a tag along on one of those mini ventures. Sounds like a lot of fun. I just need like another 10 degrees. Today is crazy. I thought I was just wind. But it was rain and wind. Then it was done. Then it started again. Weird weather today I have to say! Not having my drains is a big deal for sure. I am still in a lot of fatigued pain. I am due to start ibrance again this coming week. I honestly don't want to do it. I'm already tired. From the fatigue from 16 months I was on ibrance before my surgery. I know I have to-take it. I just so guttedly begg to not have to take any more cancer medicine...😞.. we all do. Just feels nice not to have to take 19 pills a day.
Tanya ~we Honestly couldn't believe that it even happened. People are just losing their minds. It's seriously concerning. What if he had a weapon. He clearly was not right. My DS luckily kept it together! I am checking and calling everyday to see when they are going to replace his glasses.. so annoying. Your skin reaction to the tape sounds painful. Blisters.? Uh no!! Didn't they give you any antibiotic cream? You don't need an infection anywhere near your port. That is a main line into your heart valve. That tape needs to come off. Even to be replaced. By gauze itself. I don't want those bacteria mongers any where near there. Definitely keep an eye out for fever as with anything. But especially with this. But watch it closely. Make sure you rest. It really feels like someone punched you in your chest. Hard!!!! I hope you'll heal speedy !!
Much love ~M~
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today was super weird weather windy like crazy and a sheet of hours of rain coming down. It lasted a few hours. It sounded like memories of hurricane Sandy coming through here. Lifting trees and roofs and anything else in its way. Just miserable past two days. This has been the craziest so called spring i have ever seen. All this snow as well!! Just 😝 crazy!
Ok ladies today I noticed I have cleaveage back oh my! It's not like an advertisement in public by any means. But I was just at home laying in my bed and I leaned over for a drink and there it was. I stopped to enjoy the moment. And I am hoping everyday will get better. Hope everyone is doing well tonight.
Much love ~M~
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Micmel and everyone, reading, thinking of you all.
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Runor~ Hi darling. I am here slowly recovering. But I am a professional sleeper. For sure. I love my blankets. And pillows. I have no pain at all with the new boob, it aches here and there, but the real issue is the incision across my mid section. Wow. Talk about pain, it's relentless! This is the one part I was worried about and apparently, I was correct in doing so. Argggghhhh. My DD gets married in 5 months, so now I can see it. Once they move out, i think things will improve! To much snippy mouth still around. I love my peace and quiet! ~M~
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This is how I feel today and since this procedure! I dont even feel like going anywhere. At all uh!Haven’t seen Magda! hope you’re ok moving in and getting settled! Hugs
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My tumor markers have gone from staying in the 40s to 76 now. Had a cat scan in December which was very stable. Onc now ordering pet scan, says she feels I am having progression that can’t be seen on the ct scan. This will be my first progression after 36 cycles of Ibrance/ Letrazole/ Xgeva . Trying not to freak out but really having a hard time. All bloodwork including liver enzymes normal.0
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Lynnwood~I am still going to hold out hope that they are just working hard to prevent progression. 73 is still a relatively great number. Considering 43 is within normal. I am sending you thoughts that the markers will back down. I am thinking of you and sending you supportive hugs and thoughts. Much love to you ~M~. 36 is like wow ! I am not ready to walk away from that yet. No way. They better have concrete reason for a change! 💜
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Micmel, thanks for your kind words! I have been very blessed to get 36 months on my first line treatment. I guess even though I knew my cancer will progress one day, the thought of it happening has me tearful and scared. The not knowing is the worst, can’t schedule pet scan until the office gets the pre cert number from insurance.
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Lynwood, hoping there’s nothing there!!! My tm’s have climbed well into the 100’s and my onc isn’t at all concerned. He goes by the scans. Hoping it’s just a fluke for you!!
Micmel!!!! Loving that you can see cleavage!!! Every little bit of that normalcy you see is going to fuel your drive to get back into life!!! I know you ate the Ibrance. Can you talk your mo into a lower dose? Sending you more prayers and cyber hugs! You are going to rock that beautiful dress the day of the wedding!!
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Mae, We will be thinking of you on Thursday as you have gamma knife treatment. That really did seem to come wuickly. Well, I guess it's better than having too much time to think about it. I like to just get things done!
Devine, You really have the knack for decorating. I seem to recall that you posted pictures of your Christmas decorations several months ago, and everything looked lovely, just as your bathroom decor does.
Micmel, I am laughing at your cleavage remark. I envision you buying all new outfits to accentuate your newly acquired curves. Lol. I hope you continue to feel better every day.
Lynne, What can I say about yesterday's weather? It was disheartening to see yet another coating of snow on the ground. At least most of it is gone now. I felt so bad for the marathon runners in Boston. I heard there was hail at the beginning of the race followed by torrential downpours, strong headwinds, and cold temperatures. Yuck! My dad used to run that marathon many years ago before it became as popular as it is today. He proudly finished it 5 times. I remember watching the race with my mother and sister. We would go to several points along the course then be at the finish line when my father crossed it. Every one of those finishers looked exhausted and sick to me. 26.2 miles is a very long way to run. No thank you! So, three more days till Disney? I am so jealous. Have a great time, and don't forget to post pictures for us. We will have to plan another lunch once you are back and before MJH's Y-90 procedure.
Lynnwood, I am sorry you are having to worry about possible progression. I hope your increasing TMs are just some kind of fluke. Everyone's markers seem to be unique. My MO and I would be shouting for joy if mine ever went to 2 digits, but for you, I know that 76 is quite elevated. Although 36 months on your first line of treatment is fantastic, I realize that it is scary and disappointing when you have to move on. I was sad to leave Arimidex behind, but Faslodex and Ibrance have been good to me, so they are now my best friends. If you do need to move on, I hope you get at least 36 months from your next treatment with few or no SEs. Let us know when you have a date for your PET scan For me, the waiting is always difficult. I will pray that the results are good.
Tanya, I am waiting for that 60 degree weather to reach NH and settle in for a while. I do miss that wonderful Florida weather.
Gracie, I am glad your MO is sensible and realizes that rising TMs alone do not need to be worrisome. Mine have been climbing steadily for 6 months. They had been stable at about 140 for quite a while but after the 6 month climb, they reached 400 this month. Scans seemed okay. I am going to ask my MO lots of questions at my next appointment. Maybe we shouldn't be checking them if they are no longer accurate.
Hugs and prayers to all, Lynne
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Micmel, adult daughters at home are a double edged sword. Mine moved home two years ago after having been out on her own for two years. No sooner did I get used to her being gone them boom, she was back and I had to get used to her being back! Now she might be moving out again and I am torn because I feel opposing emotions. One emotion is that I will miss her energy and conversation and hearing about her life and having her come to me for advice. I will NOT miss the mess, the 11 year old reaction to being asked to help, the extra work she makes with cooking and cleaning and laundry and when she has horses here, I always end up being the stable boy because she works very odd shift hours and is often not here to do the chores when needed. I have moved a LOT of horse shit over the years!
But really, she needs to be on her own for her own sake. She needs to figure out who she is when mom isn't around to solve all the problems. And I have to become more of a friend to her and less of the same mother I was when she was a teenager. Making that shift is hard and awkward because I will always be her mother. But I want to be her mother in a slightly different way. Still loving, but more distant and a bit less available to solve all problems. After a point problem solving becomes a form of keeping our kids stupid and dependent and that is NOT the point of parenting!
Like you, I crave order, peace and serenity. I need my surroundings to be neat, clean and sane. More and more I am getting anti-social and resent demands that take me away from doing the things I want to do. I have to watch that or I could easily become a shut in hermit with no time for other people. But often the majority of other people do not bring anything positive to my life. I do have some people in my life who are true gems and I love them and for them there is ALWAYS time! But not everyone fits that category and the rest of them can shove off - I have things to do. So I understand you looking for that moment of peace when the flurry and snippiness and not grown up behaviour is gone. And still you will miss her so much. It's like being a little crazy!
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Gracie~ Personally I am not above begging for a reduction in medicine. I know he won't agree. He says i have such Little Cancer, he'd doesn't want to even take a chance with anything. I can understand that. I am hoping to try on my dress when my staples dissolve. I have to blink sometimes at how perky it is. At least the lift is out patient Surgery ...and no drains at all this time. Then we address the nipple... issue! Always something.... and... throw in scans! Along the way!!~M~ hope you're well my friend !
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50's(Lynne)~ still work to be done but I do have a better shape for sure, and I am thankful. Just really painful! Still getting a lot of needed sleep! Lucky you going to Disney. Yes please post.
Runor~she's a challenge, one day up, and one day down, its mind boggling...I don't even understand how their brain thinks. Maybe just another year is needed.. i am hoping for that!! Sounds like you have been through some times as well. I guess there is hope!!
Ok back to bed! Oh wait I never got up. Just sooo sleepy!
~M~
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Lynnwood~ I am thinking about you! One breath at a time, is all you. Can do. I am here waiting if you need an ear! ~M~
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Hi Mic! Sorry to have neglected this wonderful thread! I do read it and stay caught up but when my energy is low I don’t always have enough to post in multiple places. Insomniacs is my home base here, and I am so thankful for them because it was a couple of my gals over there that saved my life - literally! - last month. After my second infusion of Gemzar, I began to have fevers. Ended up in hospital being cultured for every infection under the sun to no avail! It was one of my insomniacs that found a rare Gemzar side effect of vascuitis that presents as fever of unknown origin! A rheumy was consulted, prednisone administered, things turned around and I was on my way to normal, with some possible long-term ramifications.
In the meantime, things moved ahead toward my house closing, and on my last day in the hospital, a mobile notary came to my room and walked me through signing all the closing documents. The movers moved the heavy furniture over that afternoon, and set up my bed, my cousin made the bed, and I was released later that afternoon and came home to my new house and went straight to bed!
These two weeks have been a whirlwind of unpacking, (still sorting!), figuring things out, running back and forth to the old house, home health nurses, PTs, OTs, and last week my son was here all week from Florida! Mid-week I had my 67th birthday, my 4th BC dx anniversary, and Saturday night had a housewarming/birthday party! I don’t know how many were here but the place was packed! My favorite infusion nurse came, my PCP came, my mortgage lender came (and brought his wife, who said hes’ never been to a client’s event before!) and lots of friends I haven’t seen in ages, they got to meet my son, and even though the house is not finished by any means, it was comfortable and welcoming and a good time was had by all - especially me!
This week, more sorting & unpacking, more home health, and Thursday is oncologist and beginning Abraxane infusions. Hopefully it will be kind.
I love my new home. I am more “at home” here than I’ve ever been in my life, and it is reflecting me. Here’s a picture of me and my son in front of the fireplace Saturday night.
Sorry for the novel, but you asked! Waving at everyone (and Mic’s new boob!)
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Magda~ I completely understand sweetheart, when you can you can! Just wanted to make sure you were doing ok! I knew you had a lot going on. You look great in your photo with your son. I am so thankful that you have him. There is nothing like knowing someone inside family really has your back. You conserve your energy and eat and rest. I understand completely. Please tell those friends of yours. That they deserve to be thanked. It's people like that who would make great doctors! I am so glad they held you up when you needed them. That's amazing sisterhood. Sending out a big shout ou to the support ! Love your house !! ~M~
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Hi all! Mae, you never cease to amaze me! I will be standing next to you while you have gamma rays. Just close your eyes and you will feel me! Stay strong!
Magda, Great pic! You sound so happy! I love that!
Grannax, Dh is having an artificial disk placed between c3 and c4, also c5 and c6 on April 27. They will fill center of disks with bone fragments. He has lost almost all of his reflexes on the left side. They are hoping that they will come back after surgery. We are terrified! It seems that the Radiologist who viewed his first xray and wanted to put him in an ambulance to the hospital 4 days after the accident was spot on. All this time they have wasted worrying about his shoulders, when at any moment he could become a quadriplegic! Thank god for all of the research and patient advocacy that I have learned! I just had a feeling! Nothing made sense to me! The Dr doing his surgery his top inn his field in Fl. Thank god we were finally able to see him! We are searching for a better shoulder Dr now. He should be able to do one shoulder 4 weeks after his neck, if we can find a Dr that we trust. Neck Dr is working on that for us.
I have postponed any changes to my treatment for progression until June so that I can take care of Dh. I also turned over all responsibility for moving mil to assisted living to my sils and I refuse to play sil 2 games. She can do the right thing or not, but I will not pick up the pieces of her mess any more! Right now I am taking care of my 2 baby loves for a week! Best place to be right now!
Lynnwood, I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! Faslodax may be next for you! I got 3 years from Faslodax alone. You fared better than me on Ibrance, my run is over in June, after what will be 32 cycles. Good luck!
Love to all of you!
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The picture is JUST BEAUTIFUL, magdalene!
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Bigbhome~ very good to see you. I am sorry that you're having such challenges every turn. It does seem you're not alone.... our family is struggling and getting kicked like little puppies who barely leave the create because our paws get stepped on. Like I still can not get over what happened to my son. He was so close to his eye. Waiting to find out how the glasses get replaced??? You're very strong woman and you're DH Is so lucky to have you. Wonderful couple..hang in there every day for those special people.... is what we have to do. .. we have no choice. Sending hugs. Much love ~M~
Divine~ I agree!! Wonderful picture.
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Thanks 50’s, bigbhome and everyone. Today was busy at work trying to wrap things up since I’ll be out and packing my laptop with extra work, in case I find some time. I have appointments tomorrow, Gamma Thursday, rest/tv Friday and H & P on Monday, about a week out of the office 😬
DH goes back out on tour this Sunday, so nice to have him home but he’s off to do his thing until we’re cabin ready.
So sleepy due to the long day and maybe the fajitas and margarita, lol
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Mae~ you have a lot going on this week. I wish you nothing but well and I'll be the one annoying you in your pocket. I can't belive the time has flown by and you're husband is back on tour. Amazing to me. I'll be sending my good positive thoughts directly your way. I hope you will put this week behind you quickly. Much love ~M~
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ok very odd. I just thought I posted, but apparently it didn't post and it was a pretty good sized post. Boy that really gets me. Hear we go again !
Mae~ I'll be in your pocket on Thursday. Ill behave I promise.
Minnie~ haven't seen you miss lovely.
Grannax~ Hope all is well with you darling.
Gracie~ Hi sweetheart. ❣️❣️Hope you're adjusting well to lady ibrance 100. I would love to try that for sure! I go right back on it Sunday night. Sigh! Makes me sad! But remsission is remission....
Hello Blueshine~~spring soon ? Please lol
Bigbhome~ love you girl too. Think of you everyday! Special woman, I am sending thoughts to you're DH!!
Hello Holmes! How are things ? Hope you're well!
Divine~ I agree about the Christmas decorating talent you possess. You're decorating was lovely. I can't believe we are rounding another season in. Front of us. Time flys.
Chicagoan~haven’t seen you around. Hope you’re doing well! 🌷
MJH~ thinking of you and your y90! Hope it kicks some real rear end.
Keetmom~always thinking of you and your family and hoping that you know how loved you are.
Hello sunshine! Hope all is good in your world..
Hi butterfly!!
Chelle~ missing you girl!
Nan~ worried worried worried!! 😞
Magda~Loving the House...and the pic with your devoted kind son. Everyone needs a reliable Son!
Hello to the Lynne's
Waving to Runor~DD has a half day today so the 🦋 and 🌷🌷are in bloom. Can't wait for a nap. Hope all is well! Nap time! Enjoy your day! Much love ~M~
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