My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Hi Mel and all - I follow along, but I have just not had the energy to pull my thoughts together and write very many posts. It's the fatigue from these drugs, I'm sure. Last scans and blood work were all "stable", so I don't think it's anything like progression. Just extra tired and so very brain foggy!
Thanks so much for the concern. It means a lot.
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kbl, glad that Carole is feeling better off all the chemo meds and being able to eat more is a good thing for sure. I am glad family and friends are visiting as well and that she is comfortable. As always, sending my love out to her.
I do not have plans this weekend which is OK. Planning to set up a grocery delivery, I am out of pot pies, must be aware of space, I do not wish to play tetris with everything in there or have to keep tape on the freezer. I am also in process of washing up regular laundry, couple of blankets to follow. Probably the really big ones so those of course get handwashed bit by bit in portable washer wrung out a bit and tossed in the panda bigger spin dryer. Got a quick vacuum done already. Need some telescopic dusting and not sure what else as of yet.
I am also soaking a wig in fabric softener and water. Just swishing around the sink and will let it dry in a towel first and then hangup on one of my door hooks until dry.
As I put together my order, I am wanting to get a couple of different items this time, got two boxes of the mini pot pies, one chicken one beef. No frozen pasta, got tons of KD elbow pasta I can use, can take the cheese powder and mix with taco seasoning and put them in a taco type meal instead of simply kraft dinner. Got the mini pizzas I enjoy, two pot pie boxes, bag of spinach cubes. I also got two campbells chicken pot pie soups, figure could take down the liquid some and serve with the pilsbury buns I got. English muffins were purchased to make proper egg sandwiches. Fees do add a bunch but the convenience factor is huge. No extra beans either. No chips or chocolate. It has been a month since the last large Walmart delivery so that is good. Thought about going to the store but it would be extra busy due to our Canadian Thanksgiving so delivery is better.
I am hoping everyone has a good day, Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends as well. I am planning my own little meal tomorrow or Monday, still have some canned turkey and the stuffing mix as well so could figure something out with those. I in pockets for anyone that needs me.
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Three tree, I am glad you are stable and sorry to hear about the fatigue and brain fog you are dealing with. I can empathize with both the fatigue and brain fog. Thank you so much for being here today.
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Mara - Thanks so much for your good thoughts. These drugs just really do a number on us for sure. I had my fulvestrant shots last week, and I think they are the cause of a lot of this.
With Carol/Sunshine being pulled from her drugs, due to hospice, you can also really see it. The work I've done over the years has sometimes brought me in touch with both dying people and hospice workers and it is always mind blowing how much a person on hospice perks up when their drugs are pulled. I've seen it with my own eyes and then a number of hospice workers have told me about it too. It really is a testament to just how ravaging drugs are on their own, without considering the underlying disease. I too am so glad that at least she's feeling better right now, eating better, and able to enjoy her friends and family more, without the mess of those drugs. More power to her!
I hope you have a really nice week-end and I am assuming it is a 3 day week-end for Canada, since you have Thanksgiving coming up on Monday. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving whether you spend it alone or with others. I'm sure you will come up with in interesting and satisfying meal. Take care.
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Well darn it all to heck, my portable washer and dryer has stopped working, will not drain. Using towels to soak up the rest of the water in there. Not going to buy a new machine, this is 3 machines in 5 years, too much to spend anymore on.
Edit, I did bail out the washer side and soaked up a bunch of water out of the washer. So far washer is going well. Spinner seems to work now that the washer was emptied out. Decided a couple of things. Less water going into the machine as I think it floods machine, I also purchased a manual hand pump, like the ones that do gas but this one for the water, gives me a way to pump it out to the tub. That will arrive on monday and was only 15 dollars.
Edit 2, will not use the washer side and handwash elsewhere, spin dryer works when dry, will wait for Amazon delivery to arrive Monday and test out the hand pump when it arrives. Hand wash or wee washer being employed. Leaving bit of water in washer side for now, low on energy.
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Mara and other Canadians-Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving!
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@kbl Thanks for the update on Carol, so happy to hear she is feeling decent of chemo. Happy to know she is surrounded by family and friends.
Irish & Tanya Glad to hear you both are safe. Hope that's it for hurricanes thi year!
Mara Ugh, such a pia with the washer! Fingers crossed for you getting it out of the bathroom ask for help if it's too much for you.
Candy Good to see ya. Sorry you need cataract surgery, always something. Yes we will be in your pocket for November scan.
goldens Nice to hear you enjoyed your trip!
thretree Sorry to hear you have been feeling so fatigued and foggy, it stinks! Hope there are some energetic days ahead for you. Hugs.
Status quo here, thanks God DH is feeling good with his back. October has been beautiful and the trees are starting to change. I just try to take it all in before the leaves are gone and the cold arrives. Hi to all here and have a peaceful night.
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Oh hey, @goldensrbest , we are on our way to Mackinac Island tomorrow. Unfortunately, it's looking like rain. I'm not really drinking these days, but I plan to enjoy the food! I have seen the Northern Lights over Traverse Bay some years ago. Splendid.
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Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadians friends and families. 48 years ago this month I had my one and unfortunately, only trip to Canada. We went to Ontario, rented a cabin and fished. It was so beautiful. I saw my very first bald eagle. That silly bird stole a stringer of fish from another boat. Good thing it wasn't our boat, as we only had 2 fish on the stringer. lol
Mara, I'm sorry your washer and dryer are giving you fits. My washer will not drain if there are too many towels or heavy jeans in it. The dryer, which we bought used from a restore, runs great. I recently tried Marie Callendars vegetarian lasagna. Oh it was so good. Serves 1 to 2. Might want to give it a try?? I baked cornish hens today, along with Penna. potato filling, brocolli, gravy and cranberry sauce. It's sad that I baked 4 large hens and DH and I were the only ones to eat them. Hey, leftovers here we come for the next couple of days.
threetree, yeah I understand that overwhelming fatigue. I swear it hurts just to breathe. Heading to be very early, well at least for me anything before midnight is very early. On my 1 week break from Ibrance and hoping within a day or two I start finding my mojo again.
IN pockets for all your needs.
Laurel
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Mara. I'm so sorry you are struggling with your washer and dryer. We depend on those so much! I wish there was something I could do to help. I couldn't cook tonight—felt too sick. So we all did our own thing. That's what leftovers are for! ha! I am convinced I am just reacting to the antibiotics. Grrr…
Happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadian friends on here.
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Irish, thank you. Yeah the washer bit is annoying that it will not drain. If DB had not injured his hand I would have him look at it but decided to try the manual pump thing that arrives tomorrow. The spinner side does work so long as no water in the washer side. Your meal sounds very good.
Intolight, thank you. I am sorry about you not being able to eat. That would bother me more. No worries, the washer can still spin clothes and I do have a smaller washer for cloths and can handwash clothes in bathroom sink before spinning. Blankets will wait until I get the pump to see if I can drain the water, its like the one where you pump gas from a car by squeezing it. 15 bucks, worth the experiment. If not, I suppose if worst came to worst, can wash by hand. Not bothering to try it yet.
Other than the usual chores, laundry, vacuum and cat box, nothing much on my agenda. Got some chocolate reese cups on the way that were missing from a previous order. It is dark and rainy here so not going out.
I hope everyone has a good day, in pockets for anyone who needs me.
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Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadian sisters. Enjoy enjoy enjoy!
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I shared this outside of this site, I'm sure we all here know what day it is, because it's MBC day every day for us.
"It's Metastatic Breast Cancer Day. Another year has passed and I'm still here in this body, which (new this year!) now includes 8 screws and 2 rods of titanium in my spine. So many medical staff have helped keep me alive, it's truly humbling. Medicine and science, plus art, music, books, friends' laughter, delicious food - this is a period of quiet grace in my life and I'm grateful for it all.
This owl in the redwoods, offering me wisdom on the day I received my latest scan results. The painting that graces my bedroom, the river of life. My love for my late husband, burning brighter than my failed body. This life, this life, oh this life."
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Reading along and keeping up with the going’s on of y’all . I spent the whole hurricane drama texting with family in Ft. Myers, Sarasota, and Parrish Florida. I’m very thankful everyone is ok with little or no damage to their homes. During all these days I’m just feeling so achy in my spine and SI joints and ribs, don’t feel like going out or even getting dressed other than my comfy sweats ,and warm blanket. I feel absolutely exhausted. I’ve been trying to research why I’m experiencing all this exhaustion and bone pain. I read that bone mets lesions exude enzymes that cause this stuff. I’m really annoyed because my very first scans identified where and what size each lesion was, I actually made a copy of it and diagram images of each area so I could know in my mind where each met was and match that area to my pain. Since then there is no information other than stable and very vague language on my scan Impression reports. I’m thinking of bringing a copy of these original scans to the radiologist and ask her to specify my Results in this Format so I can see if any lesions shrunk or disappeared or grew. I’m really frustrated feeling this way . My next scans are the end of th month.
So i just wanted to say hi to all and @threetree you’ve been in my thoughts, I have fellow feeling with you.
Oh and I just wanted to mention my care and sorrow or the los of your sweet friend dear @micmel . I know this year has been way too much for you regarding loss. But just know my love and prayers are with you.🩵🙏
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@shanagirl Yes, do ask your onc for a comparison and complete report. I am not as diligent as you with charting, etc., but I do note specific mets and how they are doing. I know my current pain is due to the mets on my spine.
@sf-cakes Lovely pictures and a beautiful tribute. Love the owl.
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SfCakes, beautiful pictures and tribute. I myself updated my facebook memories as well talking about Stage IV and my own journey with this, relating how lucky I am that my body has responded well to treatment. I am in relatively good health, yes walking with a cane and a hatred for going down the stairs. So long as I continue PT I am pretty lucky.
As much as I am lucky, I am pretty stupidly stubborn when it comes to broken drains. I did use my wee washer this morning and spun out the laundry but put it away and decided to use the one that does not drain, did I need to use it no, just trying to see if there was an easy way to do it. Dumb. Need to be patient and wait for the manual pump like the ones used to pump gas out of cars into a container. Very stupid indeed. Bailing it out and reusing towels to absorb it. Just need to wait and see if the pump I bought does the job for me.
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sf cakes~ lovely photos. I could get lost in them. Hope everyone is doing ok this Sunday. I’m struggling with missing my friend. It’s already a gaping hole to where we would talk all the time during the day and each night before bed. I miss my friend. I hate cancer so very much. My dd has been holding something back from me and today she told me found a lump in her. Breast. She went right away and is going this week for an ultrasound. She didn’t want me to worry but she realized I have her location on my phone. So now there is another thing to worry about. I’ll hope for now it’s a cyst. She’s has a cyst before. So I’m going to have to hope it’s nothing because otherwise I’ll loose my mind for good. I can’t take anymore loss or sadness I’ll die of a broken heart. My mother has been gone nine months and I still have the urge to call her. I felt bad because my step father asked me if I would be upset if he dated. He said he was lonely and out in Mississippi all alone. He said he was always love my mother but didn’t want To spend the rest of his life alone. Of course I understand that and figured there would come a time that would happen. I could never be upset for him living his life. It’s not his fault this happened. I hope he is happy and either found someone or will start dating. Some happy things needs to start happening. It just has to.
Meant to say hello to Runor specifically always love to see my sweet friend who also goes back many many years. She must have known I needed an old friend to show up. Thanks for your words.
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"There's a pill for that". Said by my GP when I was giving a running scroll of what's going on in this body. Well I thought, good to know, be mindful when it becomes too much pain, there's a pill for that. But then there's a pill with horrible side effects. It's aging the daylights out of me. But it's also keeping me alive. Maybe I can take a pill to lessen the side effects of a pill. I think this is called the circle of cancer. I can see why people say I wanna get off this wicked ride. Do I get off one day or am I gonna be slung off into oblivion. Hope I have the opportunity to use my plan of exiting. In the meantime, I'll pop a pill for whatever.
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Well, today is sunny and cold but that is fine, slept a long while, I do credit the blackout sleep mask for that.
Doing laundry in the regular washer, no pump yet. will bail out and use towels to suck up rest of the water for now. Figure I should have an option 2 if needed in case the pump does not arrive. As long as washer side is almost dry, the spinner works as it did before. I am doing the rinse and softener cycle in bathroom sink. Only additional drying done are the towels being used. It is not ideal but if it works without too much bother, I prefer it this way. If the pump arrives, I will simply use that.
Supper will involve some canned chicken, chopped black beans and a package of the stuffing mix , that will be the ode to thanksgiving for me. Probably have a haagen daz bar I found in the freezer for dessert. My first meal will likely be an egg sandwich and hashbrowns or beefless ground, chopped beans and eggs with taco sauce and cheez whiz and cook in a pan. I also may take one of the KD cheese powder packs and add that as well.
Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends and in pockets for everyone who needs me. It is also National Dessert Day on October 14th as well. Enjoy whatever you have for dessert as well.
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I finally got an appointment on Wednesday for my new PT that is supposed to help with cancer fatigue and pain. We shall see if it helps. I'll let you all know! The only bad part is I get my Faslodex shots and Zometa infusion today so I will probably feel worse on Wednesday still because of those. I decided to keep the appointment anyway to see if the therapist has any recommendations how to help with the extra pain.
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Sorry if I was weird last night in my posting. Sometimes it's all too much. I know I don't have to say it out loud, we all understand it. DH, DD, myself and rest of our crew are stressed by the storms and cleaning up the mud and pumping water to the street. We're so fortunate no real damage, but a huge mess to clean up and we are just getting too old for this.
The dogs ran away because someone left the gate open while removing downed tree limbs. We do not have large trees in our yard, but neighbors on two sides do. A lot of debris ends up in our yard. Don't get me wrong, I'm a tree hugger. It's just part of living here. I had a funny feeling something was wrong. So I did a check on family (especially DGD) and realized, no dogs. We were all sick to our stomachs and two went out looking by car, while I stayed home. They ran down to the nearest busy highway and a kind gentleman picked them up. He took them to the humane society who scanned them. Fortunately the chips are still active and the gentleman met DH at the gas station to return them. He said he just couldn't turn them in as they were shaking so badly at the kennel. He's a dog lover as he had his big ole hound dog with him. The girls loved that. They haven't left our sides since coming home. St. Francis is looking out for them (they are mother and daughter and elderly).
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so glad dogs are home. And yes it is all too much. Yes yes it is.
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@irishlove dear, sweet lady, you have had so much lately! I am so thankful your dogs were found and that you are safe. Praying for strength as you clean up after the storms.
We are getting our first freeze tonight and possibly snow of Friday. Here comes winter!
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Thank you for sharing your updates with the community, so glad to hear you are safe ♥️
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Irish, glad dogs are back at home, you must be so relieved.
I am struggling with the pumps, is extremely tiring to use but will do short breaks if need be. Then use multiple towels to dry up both washer and dryer. If feel too tired or not doing blankets, just use wee washer and the sink as the softening cycle and rinse.
Ordered a happy meal with cheeseburger and fries. Added onions, lettuce and bacon with mayo as well, removed the pickles, got apple juice as well. It is far less expensive for me to get a cheeseburger meal with some mini fries. The big mac or other meals are upwards of 18 dollars before tax, tip and service fees.
I hope everyone has a good day, in pockets for all and that is about it.
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Mara Your such a hard worker, I'm exhausted just thinking of heavy wet blankets. Take your time and do it when you feel strong enough. Hope you enjoyed your happy meal, wow how ridiculous are the fast food prices!
intolight Ugh snow/freeze…definitely not ready for that yet! Hope your having a better day today. Good luck tomorrow wit new PT, always in your pocket.
irish Thank God your dogs are safe and an angel picked them up. I understand that sinking gut feeling, just awful. Agree sometimes it's definitely ALL too much. Hope today is a better day.
Mel Sending you a big hug as you deal with so much grief. Prayers up for DD, it just has to be ok! Just too many worries!
shanagirl Sorry your still feeling so exhausted, it just plain stinks! I hope you get some additional info to help you understand what's going on. Glad your family is all ok too!
I watched a video on Instagram last night by a Stave IV TNBC sister( Carrie Nash Snyder). She wrote an poem called "The Bomb" in the Wildfire magazine in 2021 regarding what it's like to be Stage IV . She talked about how it's like there is a ticking time bomb sitting on her kitchen table. Boy I just cried and cried last night as I listened to hear describe all of our lives.Sometimes I feel numb to all I have been through and look at it like it's somewhat "normal"... Crazy right? I think it's just the way we all live and the only way we know how to cope. Glad I was still able to cry for myself as it's been a while that I actually mourned my old life.
Hugs and love to all❣️
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Good morning to all. My scans came back state - so I am happy about that. @irishlove I am so glad you are all safe and that puppies are safe.
@mara51506, your energy leaves me amazed. I hope your db is doing well with the injured hand.
@micmel, as always, thinking of you and hoping Theo is helping with the sad year you have had.
In everybody's pockets with support.
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Hi all you sweet ladies. It's snowing backside of Beech Mt., NC. Our friends were ok from the hurricanes but so many are now dealing with first freeze and snow. Yikes it's early. Thank you all so much for your caring ways. I appreciate each and everyone of you. I think the analogy of a bomb on a kitchen table is spot on. Cookie, sometimes we just try to hard to suck it up when we need to let it down. Thank you moderators for your caring post, too. I'm lucky to have such friends.
Kids just went home. Stress level dropped at least 99 per cent. Love them and they are safe and have their electric back on. But boy it was busy in this house. FPL came down our street today and cut over- hanging branches on power lines. Hmm, where were they a few days ago? One "hack" that we learned from a hardware store employee was to take water noodles (those foam floating circular items) cut to length of garage door. Then cut 3/4 of the way thru the noodle and slide the slitted foam thru the length of the garage door. It not only keeps water out, but aides with keeping cooler or warmer air. Another was to use soil and fill sand bags 3/4 way. First you don't have to wait in lines forever to get sand and your lawn will thank you for a refresh.
In pockets for all your needs and prayers for good scans.
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Irish love what an intense lost/found puppy story before bed. Thank you
Tanya
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