My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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All good here micmel, having a zombie movie marathon today, as I have not seen the classics. Making lasagna for dinner, I hate to use the oven in this heat but I really want it.
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I am watching naked and afraid. I'm Noticing that most of the ones that leave early are men? Some of these women are tough as nails. I however, would not make an afternoon. No less 21 Days. Uh no thanks. I need my fan and my two blankets and my noise machine and my three bottles of water. I can't stand 🐜 bugs 🐛 , freak out at the sight of spiders 🕷, and I don't really want to occupy the same space as anything. That would like to eat me for dinner. Snakes 🐍 forget it...I enjoy the show. But I think I wouldn't be allowed on simply because I have a stomach that looks like a world map and is not pretty. Not to mention I have MBC of course. Last important fact. Just seems so dangerous. It's a wonder that people aren't hurt more with all the Wild life around them. Like Africa XL that I am enjoying!! Enjoy your lasagna. Ann's making me hungry ! Much love ~M~. Glad all is well Mae!
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They are still here but haven't been spending as much time here. The problem Is he is on short term disability and he has two weeks left on it for his whiplash and neck issue from the accident. If all of this happening in the span of a few days didn't warn you or send you a message to wait to get married, I don't know what would have?? The accident was one, the fight with your closest family, if he doesn't feel well enough to work, then how can he be well enough to get married and celebrate after.? Was he thinking straight? Shouldn't you be in bed getting well to find a place to Bring your bride home To?
She's been talking to me more than she was. No hugs other than that one when I had found her rings. Today they left for something and she said “let us know if you need anything." I guess that was a small effort. But I'm just upset, I'm afraid they are going to buy their time until September, just to make sure that reception that I planned myself, and was uninvited to, and re invited to by him.... if they stay here and make nice nice for a few months, they might think all is just long gone and can just be forgotten and that's that. I know I have a void. She chose to get married without me there. While I know they had family members coming distance. I understand it was my choice. I understand. But I didn't even get told that she even missed me there. Her new DH was the one who told me and tears rolled down his face. Are they actors? I mean I was like a mother to him , when he had no one. I never let him down. He at least apologized directly to both my DH and myself several times. So far nothing like that from my DD... We directly sat down all three of us.(DH, myself, and her new DH) and Before My DH came home, her new DH and I had been talking and resolving what could be, knowing we are stuck in the same house. We can't be fighting. I can't have the stress.
I am just hoping they go soon. I need time alone to think . I know if she continues to do things I don't like and is not nice. There is no way I can give her anything. Her new DH said to my DH and I, “we haven't done anything with the venue yet..". No shit Sherlock , you wouldn't be able to do a damn thing with it. That's my name On the contract, not yours. Assface!!!! I paid the deposit on that and the DJ. Idiot. I'm going to keep my cool, because soon and once again they will need something from my DH and I yet again.
She is so dumb and ruined such thoughtful things he had planned. He was going to pay for her special Luncheon after the original wedding this past week, which got ugly and we didn't go. He took me Upstairs and showed me three envelopes. One with each name on it. My DD my DS and her New DH's names. He was taking all of their contributions and saving them for their wedding gifts for honeymoon money. He wasn't planning on keeping it. But since they got so ugly when finally being asked to contribute to house hold things and rent. After two years free for him and four for her, Things changed. And they got ugly. So now who loses ? Everyone except my DS, if he steps up His game. He stands to have this house, a large nice beautiful four bedroom house for rent. Rent lower Than any apartment plus, he will also get that money back he Is contributing. Already in a better position. She really ruined something so good.
I've given some thought to my life insurance beneficiaries..... I had it split 50/50%..... I am going to Change that, DH has power of attorney and I'm going to remove her name From it. Not only do I not want him to get his hands on anything that was intended for her, but I don't feel Now that she deserves it. DH will be guardian over it, so therefore, if it's not for a house, DS won't get permission to use it. If god forbid something should happen to DH , my DS would step in immediately. I just don't want it wasted. Want him to be secure. Wanted her that way also, but she basically gave me the middle finger for now. If I pass away and DH feels she's earned it and the new DH is no longer an issue and perhaps Gone from her life, then if the age hasn't passed to where my DS would have control, then he may chose to alter it somewhat. But as of now. No deal. I'm so sad. But she has to learn. Sorry about my ramble. Hope all is well special friend. Sweet ladies. Much love ~M~
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Micmel, you know I love you. I speak my truth, and do so with fear because it will upset you. But I would be dishonest to hold my tongue. This is, of course, only my opinion and likely no one else's.
You are angry at your daughter. Rightly so. But to disinherit her is to hate her forever from the grave. And I don't think you want to do that. I don't think you want your lasting legacy to be one of final unforgiving judgement. I read all the time of parents who, for various reasons, cut out kids who pissed them off in life. But I think it is a life sentence of having your kid feel that you hated them more than they ever knew, and it blindsides them. It hurts them deeply. And with you gone it will never, ever be resolved. It is a cruelty that a loving parent cannot, with a clear conscience, do.
The thing is that while many of us here get how hurt you are and are firmly pissed off at your daughter on your behalf, you have to be a mother to get this. To get the enormity and depth of the hurt and betrayal, you have to have children and love them more than your own life. We know how discounted and discarded you feel. But here's the thing, your daughter does not get it! She is utterly, fucking clueless. A navel gazing nitwit who is the star of her own mini-drama, being queen for a day and getting married. She is NOT thinking about you because most young people literally do not have the brain capacity to see beyond the end of their own nose. If you cut her out of her inheritance and died tomorrow, she would literally have no clue why. Because right now, what you're so hurt about, she thinks it's no big deal. She loves you but she has not yet learned your value. Probably won't for a long time. And it's not just her but MANY of us have kids who have disappointed and mortified and broken us in many ways. But we don't quit loving them and we don't use our power to deny as a passive aggressive last word from the grave.
So please, I beg you, give yourself some time to cool off. You would like to slap her but I do not think you are vindictive, punitive or that you want to be eternally punishing. That is simply not a legacy I think you want to leave behind. It's okay to be mad at her. I just don't think it's okay for your anger to be a permanent fist that you haul out and hit her with after your death.
If your daughter was an addict who would squander her inheritance on drugs, then yes, tie her share up in a trust or something. Or, put a proviso that she does not inherit anything until she's 35 years old. That's what my father did. He did not want to leave money in the hands of young, stupid people. He wanted to be sure his kids were old enough to know the value of what they might inherit and make good choices with it. You can always hope that by 35 she's seen the light and left this guy OR she is married and her life, as insane as it seems to you, is working for her and she's happy and doing okay by her own standards. And in the end all our kids have to live their lives by their own standards, even if they make no sense to us.
Micmel, take her off your power of attorney if that makes you comfortable and I can see how it would. But to take away anything she might inherit because she was a nasty cow, and I do mean this was epic, HUGE, is still not something that would make you feel good knowing how badly you can hurt her. Even though she deserves it. But it's something no one deserves. To have mom's last gesture be one of spite and hate is what she will feel until she is an old lady herself. Don't do it. Take a deep breath, a big gulp of wine, stand in the cool night air and let it wash over you. Be angry. But make no legal changes at this time. Please.
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Runor~ my dear friend... you would never upset me. I’m already torn to shreds about this entire thing. I’m taking one day at a time and I almost did make that call. But you’re right I am hurt. I have to admit , I don’t really want him benefitting from anything we may do for her later in life. But you’re very correct when you said she hasn’t aclue now. I am just big meany monster Mom here! I am just beyond hurt. Thank you for your honesty. It helps to see the other side of things. Things I may regret. Later. Thank you my friend love you right back! Much love ~M~
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Hi all.
Micmel, I am so torn. I see both sides of this. I would be EXACTLY where you are. I would want to hurt her as badly as she has hurt you. Cut her out, be gone, buh bye, don't let the door hit you in the ass....
But then again, not being in the heat of it, I also agree with Runor. Do you really want your legacy to be one of bitterness and spite?
One thing is for sure... TAKE SOME TIME. Let things settle. Don't make any big decisions while all these raw emotions are swirling around.
I've been thinking of you. My heart hurts for you... I can only imagine. Please take care of yourself. Hopefully they'll be out of your house soon and you'll have the time and space to begin healing.
Sending you so much love,
E
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Poor Micmel
You're hurting so terribly. DD is truly being a B........
But I have to agree with Runor. I hope you won't mind. It's just that I love you too and the thoughts of someone like you having regrets from the other side of life - regrets that you can no longer fix, well that is the worst kind of hell to me.
She was, and still is, your 'baby girl'. Even if she has forgotten it through her current selfishness, you still remember holding her in your arms as a brand new person in this life. Life is hard. She will learn. Try to heal your hurt through remembering all the good times and Please God all those good times will come again soon. And if her love and respect doesn't come back to you for a long time, you will always have the satisfaction of knowing that although she sorely tried you, you continued to love her anyway....
Sending you lots of lovexxxxxxxxxxxGP
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You are not a meanie mom! NOT a meanie. Every single one of us here gets how hurt you are, no explaining required! We all want to ass-kick your daughter for you! But we all also know that your hurt heart is really a bruised ball of love and if you could grasp the hurt you might cause her by cutting her out of a will (or inheritance or whatever) I think you would be horrified. No. Now is the time to do nothing at all other than small acts of revenge...like eating all the Captain Crunch. Or .... this is my personal favorite ... if someone is reading a good book, read the last 2 chapters then tell them how it ends. Be a little crazy and unpredictable. Like, take up belly dancing. Seriously. Drape yourself in a glittery, gauzy two piece get-up and tell your son in law that you are going to perform a dance in his honour. It's called the Flight of the Mother In Law. It should involve lots of horrifying belly jiggling AND farting noises you make with your armpit. He will move out that same day, guaranteed.
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Runor ~. Lmfao. I don't know how I found you. I don't know how I have been gifted with such loving people Here, GP, my sweet friend. I know how hard typing all that must have been for you honey. Thank you for caring. I am very hurt. But I agree I have never and will never stoop as low as I may want to in my harsh moments of anger and sadness.. also, if I go too low , then I won't be able to get back up. Lol. She's just vacant. Gone. Maybe says four words to me a day. But still expects me to hand over $3500k in wedding reception decorations and etc.... that she really does need. She hasn’t asked me yet for the things, but believe it or not he did. There will be no reception with out us. Nada. None. And what about the dress ? June 10th was the meeting with the seamstress. I don't know if the honor of her wearing my beautiful dress is still there. The gown is perfect, but it's still mine. I won't wear it again but it's the point.... DH and I constantly giving and then being shat on. We are growing tired of that. Especially(DH) him, it's just not fair. All he has done. It's like she's throwing it back in his face. So Not ok, where is her worthless father in all of this wedding planning ? Oh yeah he is a name on the guest list. That's about it. I have a lot to work through. The only way I can do that, Is if she goes. When that happens. We will see how she acts. I guess I could always sell the things outright. Such a terrible situation. Another take it day by day issue. I'm so sick of those. Love you ladies. Thanks for the honest words. I needed them. ~M~
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where has Grannax been. Hope all is ok.
Minnie too!! Much love ~M~
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Here I am. On Friday my internet went out, it just got fixed.
I'm much calmer now that a week has passed since my mo appt. I focused on my report from the PET scan. I realized it's a really good report. The uptake is quite a bit less on every tumor. Now, I'm thinking that if mets will respond as much in the next four months, I could be close to NEAD. I never even dreamed that was a possibility.
Of course that's if the liver mets stay no uptake. The ones in my lung and chest are still active. Does anyone know any statistics on how long good y90 results last. So far, I have had one year with no uptake.
Ill have to catch up on reading, I hope everyone is doing ok.
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So, a June-ish retirement may be back on. Unfortunately, this is because my boss failed in spectacular fashion. I was told by my new supervisor that my annual merit bonus was about 8% of my salary, down a little from last year but still very good but he was wrong, read me the wrong amount. I questioned a possible accounting error with my paycheck to find out that my boss attributed my worth this past year, with all the hurricane/flood/emergency work, training others, working on Saturdays, etc to a measly 1%. I delayed my retirement to train my replacements, (yes replacements with an s because I do two full time jobs), however, such an insult does not go unnoticed and I’ll be discussing my options this week. It’s a shame, i had planned for a smooth transition but perhaps they should train my replacements themselves. It’s hard to give them my best when they clearly don’t value it 😔
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Grannax~ congrats on your good report. That's sooo great to hear.... bask in it and enjoy every single second. I am very glad to see you. Hugs to you sweet lady.
Mae~I am sorry that you're feeling the employment crap. Such a shame you put in so much effort into all your efforts during the hurricane and the after math. I certainly don't see why you should be overally helpful. Makes me so mad, while you're working your tail off doing two jobs, they treat a long time employee like that. That's crap! What is up with all this crap!!!!????! I'm sending you hugs my friend. I'm very sorry. Hope they face some kinda karma. Much love ~M~
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OMG Mae, I would be so freaking pissed!! The fact that they have to hire TWO people to replace you speaks VOLUMES about the job you do. And somehow 1 percent almost seems worse than none. An intentional insult. Get outta there. Let them worry about training your replacementSSSS. Not your problem.
All that spewed, I am stupidly loyal and have worked the same job for 26 years so I totally get if you do stay and help.
Geeze....
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Mae, that is terrible that your boss did not equate your hard work, effort and time into a bigger bonus. It sounds like a big rip off. Weigh your options, but put yourself first. If you chose to stay, you should dial back and not put so much effort into the work if it is not going to pay off. Do others get a bonus as well and if so, have you an idea what they receive? Unfortunately, still, in this day and age, a woman’s efforts are not noticed nearly as much as a man’s. I say that although I do not know a thing about your place of employment. But I know women are often undervalued.
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seriously. It sounds like to me they have been taking advantage of you. I hope you give it some good thought and come up with whatever brings YOU peace. Like the ladies said put yourself first. That is not ok. I mean I gotta say. Anyone else would have left the day after diagnosis, you never complained about it, you actually spoke highly of it. I know you did an excellent job, because of how you spoke about your responsibilities. Screw those year suckers!! What does DH say about that? We all know that no one in the Work place talks about the bonus. It's the one time you can guarantee silence. I'm sorry darling. Sending you hugs. Can I kick your boss in the shin? And trip during the process, with. Very hot coffee? And a sticky glazed donut to end up by mistake on his forehead. Then I can have my dirty snotted Up tissue in my hand and add it to his donut accent for good measure. Or instead of the tissue, I can take a sharpie that I happened to have open in my hand when I trip and draw a huge line across his face on my way down. Idiot!! Seems like our squad is on the mission to stop a lot of wrongs and stupid people this week !!Sending hugs of support my friend. ~M~
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Micmel... lol! Pick me up on your way. I can start with the other shin....
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you know it's funny how sometimes things effect you that you didn't expect to effect you. I knew my DH was selling His house, he has wanted to do it for a while. But whoever bought it fixed it up very nicely and is finally putting it on the market. When I saw the house for sale, with some of the ideas done that we wanted to do to it were done before I got sick and we planned to flip it ourselves it was just a huge reminder of a life that I wanted to be able To live, and wasn't. He couldn't do it either with being up here every weekend taking care of me since the chemo and etc surgeries. He was just never there. It just made sense to sell it and move on. But I had a lot of good times in that house with our beautiful blended family. The yard was a freedom zone for anything. It makes me sad when I look at what we wanted to do. But we can just buy something else soon.
His lease now, we have to wait out, but it's ok because DSS is entering his senior year this 2018 fall and graduates 2019. So college is in his future for sure. So is selling this house and finally moving to be with him in One Home. Music to my ears. Even if I have to help my DS with some first months and security so he doesnt start house poor, since he is paying rent. DD messed that up for herself for sure. DH had planned that for her as well. If she would have just been an adult about responsibilities. Today we spoke a lot more than we have since the blow up happened last week. It was good interaction and we talked about nuetral things. She made me cake in a cup and was very nice in her mannerisms. I don't know what to make of it. I don't like having to question and analyze everything that they do, do they even care ? Is this fake behavior to get the wedding items I have purchased in two full closets?. I guess time will tell. Have a restful sleep ladies ~M~
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DH thinks I should walk away and leave them in ruin but that’s not my style. Many others in the group I lead received pay increases and they deserved them, my boss however, gave himself one too, the max allowed according to policy. Fall was going to be it for me but like I said, it may be sooner. He’s leaving for vacation to Europe for a month tomorrow, not sure if I’ll be around when he gets back. It’s not even the money, rather what such a small amount means. He said they gave me extra last year because they thought id be retired by now but I stayed to help them, even after being diagnosed with brain mets. Ungrateful shit!
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Bigbhome, I had a busy weekend and didn't have time to post my thoughts for you and your DH, but I did have time to pray for a successful surgery. I hope it went well yesterday and that your DH is beginning the recovery process. I am keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Illimae, my first thought is that your husband is absolutely right. I would leave them in the lurch and walk away with my head held high. I greatly respect the fact that that is not your style. I tend to be a grudge holder and work daily with the concept of forgiveness. It is without a doubt my greatest character flaw. I could not continue to work for someone who has no integrity. It's a hard decision that you have to make.0
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Mae, Seriously? You received a big raise last year because they thought you were going to retire? Huh? This year's increase should have been based on this past year's performance. You worked hard to manage difficult projects. I wouldn't blame you if you left immediately, but I think you aren't built that way. Although your boss deserves to be left in the lurch, you would probably feel guilty for the effect it would have on your coworkers. Do what feels right. What are you plans for retirement? We all know that you aren't one to sit on the porch twiddling your thumbs.
Well, today is the third anniversary of my diagnosis. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. The words kept spinning through my head like a bad dream. I thought I would be lucky to make it to Christmas, but here I am three years later. Not only am I still breathing, I am feeling good and enjoying life. I like to think that I appreciate things more now. Many things have happened in my life during those three years, good and bad, in fact very good and very bad. That's what life is like, of course. For me the trick is to survive the bad times any way i can, immerse myself in the good times, and celebrate the best times. So today, I celebrate three years of bonus time. Thank you all for being an important part of my life. You have made a difference.
I went for my monthly MO appointment yesterday. Blood counts are low, so I have to go back next week for retest before I can start next cycle of Ibrance. Last month I bragged that my Faslodex shots were painless. Well, this month made up for it. Lol. I have two huge red lumps that will undoubtedly turn into bruises. This only happens with one nurse (Christie for Lynne's benefit). She has only given me the injections twice in 24 cycles, and this happened both times. Of course, I shouldn't complain since it is just a temporary annoyance. It could be a lot worse and is worth it since Faslodex seems to be working.
Gotta go have my teeth cleaned. I will catch up here later.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Bigbhome~thinking of you and your DH today. We are in your pocket and we adore you. Sending allpositive thoughts and love...
50's~three years times 30 more!! Congrats beautiful on three years of kicking butt. Much love to you!
Mae~ I am like Lynnwood I tend to carry a grudge. I don't like that about myself very much. I try. But I get so darned annoyed every time I think about how someone behaved or treated me. Seriously. 1% I mean it's not zero but you're for sure worth ten times that for your dedication, when you could be sitting on your arse....but instead you're working and working heavy hours because of some very bad weather! Ugh. People are such anal glands!! Sorry but true!
Hugs to any of us that are having scans this week. Just came back from that month. Know it well holding your hand!
Much love to all ~M~
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Just met with the HR supervisor about retirement, not the merit issue and I have several calls to make to the various plan administrators for disability, life ins, 401k but to my delight, the supervisor who told me the wrong amount was in HR and saw me arrive for my meeting and my boss was waiting in HR as I left. There might already be a sense of panic, I couldn't have planned that better if I tried, lol
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Gracie~ isn't this week for you scanning and testing my sweet friend? Thinking of you. Love you friend.
Go Mae!!!!! They better treat you right or we will squad him... we are strong, strong ladies. They should run!
Much love ~M~
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- “For me the trick is to survive the bad times any way i can, immerse myself in the good times, and celebrate the best times."
Lynne, what a beautiful and perfect philosophy! You are right, life is about its way far ups and too far downs. We are living with mbc, not dying from it.
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Mae-Would have loved to see the look on their faces when you arrived!
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Mae~wrong amount. ??? What the heck ? So he was wrong you’re getting more of what you deserve? Awesome timing!
Waving hello to Chicagoan! Nice to see you...
I agree Divine. We are living. Beautiful weather here today I’m at the palliative care doctor. The drive was lovely. Nice breeze. Blue sky’s. Turning cloudy now. Nature is truly amazing.
Love to all ~M~
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Helo ladies! I couldn't believe! I was approved for SSDisability in one month! I don't know is it good or bad. My diagnosis must scare them. I thought Medicaid insurance goes automatically with the disability. Wrong .If I am alive I'll find the way to get insurance. Hugs and love. Ele na.
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Micmel, no, a substantially higher amount was told to me a couple months ago, I only found out that it was 1/10th of what I expected when I saw my check. The one who gave me the wrong info feels bad but the boss who actually came up with the pittance feels nothing apparently. My boss returns from vacation on July 3rd, I plan to be cleared out by then using my sick leave through December.
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