My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Lynne,50s, a big congratulations for your 3 years anniversary! I wish you many more healthy years. Your wise philosophy will help you not only to enjoy life, but to live a lot longer .
Mae, I hope you will get what you deserve, it's not about the money, but to hear they appreciate you. Money for us don't have the same meaning like before, at least for me.
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mae- I know how disappointed you must be. You worked your tail off for that company and this is how they reward you? Before you retire just make sure you have your ducks in a row. Will you work somewhere part time? I just worry that you are so active what happens when you don't have that purpose any more? I know because that's what I worry about myself when it happens.
grannax- great scans!! I will pray that NED is in your near future.
blueshine- did you apply for Medicaid through your local social services department.when will you get Medicare?
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Holmes, I was on short term disability for 6 months and from the same insurance a advocate group represented me for SSD. The fee for the advocates was waved for me. I am 64 now and Medicare is the next year. Hugs. Elen
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hello ladies. For my ssd I used Allsup. They were great. Glad You're going to kick them to the curb....
Blueshine and Holmes. So glad to see you all. Elle hello to you too lovely ladies.
Gracie???
Much love ~M~
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I have been doing lots of gardening lately. There always seem to be weeds to pull. My perennials continue to grow and some are starting to bloom. I planted tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, summer squash, and green beans in the vegetable garden. Here are a few pictures for you.
From my little strawberry patch, blossoms of last week have turned to tiny green berries this week.
Dianthus
Phlox
Iris
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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50’s~those flowers are lovely....you must have one heck of a property to have all that. Don’t strawberries needs a lot of space to spread out to grow? It looks so peaceful to even be walking around there. I don’t think I’ve ever had a strawberry off the vine. Others yes. But not strawberries. Looks like you have green thumb. I however do not at all have that!!!!
Saw pallative doctor today. She’s really nice. I want to get off of the opiates. They bother my stomach a lot, the medical marijuana program is wonderful and helps tremendously. The problem is the cost. The pills are free, but the avoiding isn’t free but works exceptionally well. It is just becoming expensive. I hope they deal with regulating that soon enough. Makes me sick. Hope everyone is doing well today. It was a beautiful day outside.
Thinking of Bigbhome and her DH! Sending love and support...
Where is minnie, Magda, you ok as well? Keetmom?
Love to all of you ~M~
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Micmel, My strawberry patch is fairly small, and I don't do much to it. For the past two years, my granddaughter, who was living here at the time, went out each morning during strawberry season and ate all the strawberries that had turned red. We never picked any of them because she didn't leave any. Luckily, I never used chemicals on them, so they were okay to eat right off the plants. The funny thing is that she wouldn't eat strawberries from the store, only the berries from the garden. I don't really have a green thumb. I have planted lots perennials over the years. Sometimes deer come and eat some of them, even those that are labeled "deer-resistant." Perennials are very forgiving, so the plants just keep coming back. I add a few news ones each year, so my gardens have expanded. I must say that I am really good at growing weeds. The vegetable garden requires a bit more attention than the flowers. Last year a squirrel kept stealing ripe tomatoes right from the plants. I looked like a crazy woman as I ran outside and yelled at that fat squirrel. Hmmmm. It makes me wonder why I enjoy gardening so much. I am glad you had a good appointment with your palliative care doctor. I hope the price of medical marijuana comes down soon. It's crazy.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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50’s, I would eat all the strawberries too! There’s just nothing like fresh ones and blackberries right off the bush, yum!
Holmes, I plan to spend some time at the gym and preparing our house to sell, downsizing from a 4bdrm, 2 story to a cabin should be interesting and a lot of work. When we move into our cabin, hopefully by winter, I’ll have a greenhouse to set up and tend to along with other projects and some light hiking.
I do enjoy working but I just don’t think it’s worth the added stress anymore, my time is precious, I need to remind myself of that.
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Mae, I applaud your decision to move on from the job. You are quite right. Your time is precious. Your retirement will be a time where you will be able to spend it how you want with the people you want doing the things you want. That has its own rewards.
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Hi ladies. Mae~ I think your choice to allow yourself the time you want to allow. Is a good one for you. You're obviously ready and I remember always thinking, how dedicated you were and how wonderful I thought it was that you were able to work like you do. You're really quite amazing. Those shit for brains will be very disappointed when no one knew what Mae knew. Idiots.
I love the idea of the cabin thing. Just tonight my DH said hes been looking at property in the smokies of Tennessee. We are not in the business anymore of supporting other people. We will be together 16 years in October, the entire time keeping separate homes for the kids. Well they are old enough now to begin that type of thinking. Independence! His house is sold and now he's in the apartment, which he seems to be mentally much better than being in the other house. Too many childhood memories much wanted to be left there. It was a good decision. Now we wait.
His son graduates 2019 and then we paint the rooms in this house , brand new carpets already, 4 large bedrooms , the master suite is really beautiful, and the closests are amazing, 2.5 baths. and a Grand living room. Large large kitchen, dining room, a gorgeous foyer area for a small sitting place with plants and decorations. Perfect place for where the second Christmas tree goes. only one car garage though which was the affordable choice for our young family when I had this built in 1998 I paid such a good price for it and I wanted to keep it in the family. I love it. i am so broken hearted over it all. Maybe it's a lot to ask of them I guess, they deserve to live and learn like I did. I was just trying to help them, because these days owning a house for young ones means six people living there. I hope time will heal these wounds. But selling it breaks me down. I am interested in a cabin by a river for sure with my DH and i all alone. I sure hope my DS steps up and takes it over.
Other problem, my fantastic medical team. I cannot move to a state that doesn't have medical marijuana, it's helping too much. I hope everyone sleeps well. Goodnight. Sorry so long. Much love ~M~
I thought Of something very odd tonight. I had remembered that my DD and SIL got engaged Christmas Day... how is that for ironic? I would think that wouldn't be allowed at all. The worst day for that to have happened, I wonder if they even understand that. Or have even made the connection. I do realize that not going to the wedding my choice,one that I will have to live with. She may even hold it against me, one day at a time. I. Just hope against hope they will find some place soon. It's just better for us all. Although, money will be tight.
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Bigbhome...Mae...Chelle....Nan.....the Lynne's..... Lynnwood.....Blueshine....Holmes....Magda........Divine.............Grannax.....Gracie......MJH.....GP......Runor.......Elle...............Minnie....Iwrite......Robin....Keetmom....Chicagoan......Tanya......... Jaycee.....Booboo, who is local to me and hopefully we can meet for lunch soon!! And let's not forget one visit from Daniel and Leslie!!
you're all wonderful women, andone man)I can't believe how Many postings we have on our thread. Thank you so much for always sharing. ~M~
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Good early morning all
50’s girl Lynne congratulations for the 3 year mark. I love your garden.
Mae I dislike your boss. Leave whenever you feel like it. You have a strong personality and lots of energy now you can use it all for your own home life. I can’t imagine the meals you’ll make and the traveling. You don’t ever have to worry about getting up early for work again.
I had an MRI Monday of the spine. The surgeon also looked at my port implanted in April that doesn’t give blood, more heparin and flushing and no blood. Five hours later and 2 valiums and wala MRI is done. Thursday PET scan.
Tanya
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Tanya, glad you finally made it through that MRI.
Micmel, your feelings about selling a home you put so much thought and planning and love into are soo understandable.
50sgirl, you’re gonna have to admit it. As I am a flower gardener and dh is the vegetable gardener, I definitely recognize a green thumb when I see it, and I sees it in you!!!!
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Tanya~ get that port looked at. Why have a port that won't give blood? I have a love hate relationship with my port, which I call my third eye.... I have no Good veins. At all. So I desperately need one. I tend to have issues with blood clots forming on the end , one time, I had to have the flush and I think it's called catflow and it does soak for two hours before the blood would Flow. Glad you're through your MRI. Hugs to you my friend...
Divine ~ I didn't sleep Last night because of all the things Running through my head and mind. All these years living here. I made a mistake and said 1988 it was built. No that's when I graduated. It was built in 1998. I just wanted to plan ahead for my kids. I can't even seem to catch a break in that area either. But I feel blessed my scans were so good, I'm going to hang on to that. Every single day I can!
Have a great day ladies
Mae~ kick some employer rear end. Jerks... at the end of the day. The almighty dollar wins every time. I hope they have to hire three people to cover your knowledge!
Much love ~M~
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50sgirl, beautiful flowers. You do the hard work, but later the flowers pay you back ten times with their beauty. My Dh is the gardener, vegetable and flowers. I enjoy them when I come back home. Even if we are going to put the house for sale soon he cannot stop taking care for the vegetables.... ha ha, We have the same squirrel, we found tomato peels on the picnic table every morning, plus we had a curious baby dear last summer, that liked green tomatoes.
Mae, it's great decision to quit. At the beginning you will miss the people, but soon it will be ok.
MicMel, could be hard and could be easy to sell the house, depending how you think. Your home is where you make it. Same bad, same pillow, same furniture and the best part is you and your Dh alone. I think you will be happier in your new home. Let the kids live their own life with their own problems, you did your job raising them. Now the time is for you. Hugs, love and prayers. Elena
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Micmel, I’m reading occasionally. Just not posting because no one seems much interested. It’s kind of been that way since I first came back to the site, so it’s what I’ve come to expect. So pretty
Much reading now just for info on treatment.
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Sitting in the big chair waiting for my butt shots and zometa infusion. Saw my onc who is delighted with how things are going, as am I!
Mae... I absolutely love the timing of your HR visit. I'm sure it struck fear in their hearts!! Your plan moving forward sounds wonderful and I think you made the best decision possible in this crap situation. I hope everything easily falls into place for you.
Lynne... we are kindred spirits with the gardening. I just do flowers now, though. I have a tall fence that keeps the deer out, but the little critters ate everything! You have to laugh when you see a chipmunk running with a big tomato in it's mouth. I now mostly have flowering bushes...roses, hydrangias, rose of sharon, that type of thing. Then I do hanging baskets and window boxes for my annual flower fix. I will tell you... I too am QUITE the expert and growing weeds. 🙂🙂
Oop... time to get stabbed... more later.
xoxo
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I love the photos of flowers and gardens. We have just had our back yard and pool redone. the landscapes have cleared out lots of old vegetation and planted some lovey shrubs and flowers. The watering is all done too - essential in Southern California - and so its all ready for me to have a fiddle around and put a few more in. I'm also trying to grow some annual flowers too. Here I am sat in the garden pulling a few bulbs that have come through in the wrong place (It was easier with my stiff knees and hips than kneeling) With me is "Mrs Flirty the Flamingo" - a present from a friend for my recent birthday and new pool! I hope to be able to have some flowers raised by my novice green fingers to show later in the year!
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Gracie,
I am sorry if I have given you the impression that I am not interested in you or your posts. I am always glad to hear from you. Sometimes I just get so wrapped up in my own issues and problems that I do not respond. This is especially true when I am feeling down and don't want to spread my gloomy mood to everyone else here. Of course, that is not a good reason for me to make you feel excluded or as if I don't find you interesting. The fact is, everyone is unique and that makes everyone here interesting to me. We all come here from different backgrounds with our own history, full of good and bad experiences. I have always hungered for knowledge about everything, and that includes people and their feelings. We all laugh, cry, scream, worry, and the thing that I am famous for, pout, at times. Sometimes people share things here that I cannot respond to because I just don't know what to say. Sometimes I get so far behind on a thread as busy as this one, that I have trouble catching up. I will try to do better. You are an important part of our family here.
I did read on another thread that you have scans coming up soon, right? I remember we had a discussion a while ago when people were surprised to hear that you couldn't get your scans before you see your oncologists. I still don't understand why your MO won't post them for your review ahead of time, but he or she probably has a reason. How are you feeling?
Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Maybe at times we all respond to the crisis of the moment and forget about everything else. I know that was not Micmel's intention when she created this thread. Sometimes it is the times that we don't tell each other that we are feeling hurt or scared or lonely or excited that we need each other the most. (((Hugs))).
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne-I've only had Christie once. That was my last chemo appointment 2 weeks ago. She did ok. Lisa started the line to the port. Christie only ran the ivs though. I always asked for Kelly, when i was getting my faslodex shots. Also, lean on your left leg when you are getting the shot on the right side, and do the opposite for the left side. It helps. Ice the sides when you get home too. Your flowers are beautiful. My irises are the same as yours, I also have some other purple flowered plant that I transplanted from the woods. Probably a weed. LOL And my purples salvia is blooming now. Lots of purple. It will change once the day lilies start. Orange, yellow, and red then.
Mae-Love that your bosses were both seeing you at HR! Jerks! To be told one thing and have a so much lower percentage is crap! I can't believe that the said they gave you a higher amount last year because they thought you were going to retire. After all you've done for them, again crap! I would be so out of there right then and there. I wouldn't need to give a two week notice since I wouldn't be working again! I left a year and a half after the cancer came back. I stopped working when my first treatment (faslodex) stopped working, in 2014. I've never looked back. I was on short-term disability for 6 months, and then went on long term and social security disability (the total comes to 60% of my last pay amount, long-term only pays 350.00). I get medicare part a (it's free) and have my husband's health insurance. I could get medicare part B for a price, after being on SS for two years. My husband's insurance would pay first though, so it wasn't worth paying the monthly fee. Good luck on your retirement You deserve it!
Tanya-Sorry about your port problems! I hope it can be fixed without another surgery! Good luck on your PET scan!
Micmel-At least she is talking to you now. I wouldn't know how I would feel about everything. You do what you have to. If that means not allowing her to have a reception, and not wearing your dress, so be it. I hope they find a place and move out soon, for your sanity! By the way, NH has medical marijuana. Move up here and you can hang with Lynne, MJ, and I!
Hope everyone is enjoying this Tuesday! Hugs!
Lynne
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Gracie M 2007
I sometimes lurk and don't post. I don't want to be complaining all the time but I do want to be supportive of everyone as we go through these difficult times.
I'm sorry if I neglected to comment on one of your posts sometimes things get so full here and I'd hate to think that anyone got lost in the shuffle. Take Care and know that I see you.
Tanya
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Scwilly-Lovely picture!
Gracie-Please keep posting. I try to comment on everyone's posts. But like the other Lynne said, I sometimes am reading 3 pages of posts (like today), and I can't remember everything I read. I know you are having a hard time, and I pray for everyone on here, including you. Hugs!
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Tanya, It sounds like you had a horrible MRI day. It must have been exhausting. I hope the results are good. I will be praying and thinking about you tomorrow as you have your PET scan.
Lynne, I have had no problem with Christie when she does my IV, just the injection. Kelly wasn't there Monday, but it was nice to see Ruth again. It was her first day back. I do follow all the recommended steps for the Fas injections, and I usually feel nothing. Oh well. I think the sitting around waiting is the worst part anyway.
Scwilly, I love Mrs. Flirty. She makes me laugh. When was your birthday? You must have a longer swim season there in California than we have here in NH. I feel like summer is ending just as I have everything ready to begin it.
Elle, I am thinking of putting in some peonies this year. Have you ever grown them? When I was a young woman, my mother-in-law's next door neighbor used to give me a bouquet of peonies every spring. His name was Joe Murray, and he would sit in the window waiting for my DH and me to arrive. He was in his 80s, and a wonderful man with a great smile and laugh. He always had beautiful blooms on his peony bushes. As he handed me the flowers, he would always tell me that he had dipped them in water to get rid of any beetles that might have been on them. I think of him every time I see peonies. I don't know if they are difficult to grow. I will have to do some reading. A couple years ago I planted some hydrangeas bushes, which I love, but I haven't yet seen an abundance of flowers, just a few. I am sure they need something that I am not giving them. I planted some rose bushes last year. They look healthy right now, so I am hoping I see lots of flower again this year. I hope your shots and infusion went well.
Bigbhome, When you have a free moment, let us know how you and your DH are doing.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Gracie sorry if you feel people don't care, I often have a hard time following all I should comment on.
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Elle...so happy to hear that your MO is so happy with you.... we all need to hear that very much. I am not feeling the best today, I think I didn't sleep good last night restlessness.. I hope tonight is better....
Blueshine ~ I hope the house will go fast. It's just the prep work that goes into all of that. And.....the packing scares me. I don't have the energy to even think about that. Moving is so much work. But some day soon. I'll be doing it.
Gracie ~ my long time friend here. I am always looking for you... you're part of my family here. I know that other threads I have had that happen to me as well. Which is why I started this one. I adore you and am constantly keeping track of my sisters. I would hope I wouldn't have to take a trip to The Midwest for some a** kicking.😙😜🤪 I love you friend. You can't leave me... we promised!
Scwilly~ hello beautiful and pink flamingo.... looks like someone is enjoying being outside and rocking a sun hat pretty darn well...looks like a gardening paradise. Is that a pool you're near ? Looking fine. Beautiful flowers? White ? What are they? Loving spring everyone!
The Lynne's~ Would love the chance to hang out with you guys. I think that is pretty awesome.. I am jealous I'll admit...but how awesome is you get to share that. Nothing like meeting someone who really understands....
I never really thought Of this thread moving so fast. Ibrance and bone mets and other ones like that are too big for me and I started to get lost In those. This here is my family. Truly and honestly love you all ladies.
Gracie ~💗 you should know by now I am always watching😉.
Much love ~M~
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Gracie, I too must apologize if you feel we are not interested in your posts. I don't post often because I have a hard time remembering to comment on what everyone is going through. I do try to apologize if I forget anyone in my posts. Micmel has created a lovely place here and the ladies here are wonderful. I feel at home here and not so much on other threads so I do understand how you feel. Hopefully you will give us another chance.
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today was a tummy issue day. I slept all day. Why is it.. that when you say how good you're feeling the next day you feel like ass!!? It happens every time. You would think I would learn from it and just keep my mouth shut.
So far no encouraging information on them moving out. I really need them to go. I can't even begin to heal my feelings from all of this until I don't have to be around them. Especially because now it's taking advantage, when you know that you're not contributing to anything at all. You need to re-evaluate your situation and move along young married ones. Where is your game to back up your mouth? So far all talk no action. They did total his car, I don't know how that effected them. Usually there is a deductible. We all know you never get back everything you put in. So I'm also concerned about them needing to have a deposit for a new car. I'm just annoyed this all happened. Much love to all. ~M~
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Micmel, Are you feeling any better today? I hope your DD and son-in-law find an apartment soon. Of course, then they will be asking if they can take furniture with them, and you will notice some dishes and towels are suddenly missing. LOL. Just kidding. I know that your stress level will go way down once they settle into their own place. Yes, you will miss your DD, but it is time for her to begin a life of her own. Think how much cleaner your house will stay. You won't have to fight for the washing machine. There will be no one's dirty dishes in the sink. They won't leave the lights on when they leave the room. You won't open the refrigerator and find out that the leftovers you were thinking about all day were eaten by someone else. You will have peace and quiet.
I just received a call from my MO. It looks like I will be getting scans later this month. It feels like I just had them! My TMs are still going up. He is more concerned than I am. They are up to 592 now, but hey, I feel good, and QOL is important to me. It is what it is, as they say.
I can't believe that Father's Day will be here soon. My sons and their families are coming here the day before Father's Day. We are all planning to surprise my 13 year old grandson, Camden, by showing up at his soccer game. He will expect my DH and me, but he will be surprised and excited to see his aunts, uncles, and cousins. We will all come back here for a cookout after the game. It is really hard to get everyone together because of busy schedules, so this will be nice and my dh will enjoy the pre-Father's Day celebration with his family.
MJH, Where are you? Have you fully recovered from the Y-90 procedure? You, Lynne, and I have to plan another get together.
Mae, Have you heard anything from your boss? Are they trying to find a way to entice you to stay? Moving to the cabin sounds nice. Are there stores nearby? In other words, how far is it from the cabin to civilization?
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Thanks for everyone's lovely comments about my picture with my Flamingo!
M - the white flowers are what in my British way I call Tea Roses (not sure its the same here in the US) Our Landscaper must have put down loads of fertilizer as all the plants he planted have thrived - especially the white roses. After quite a few years of living with an overgrown yard and pool needing some TLC we are really delighted to have it all reone. I had a scare in April/May with my liver threatening to fail. I was feeling that after all the disturbance of 5 months of work in the back yard I wouldnt be here to enjoy it.
Now I am better I am really happy to be able to be out in the California weather. This week will be a lovely sunny 27c/80f for my sisters 10 day visit from the UK.
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50’s, I broke the news of my departure to my former boss who is now head of our district and just down the hall from me yesterday. He is saddened but understands, at this point and there is no plan to increase the bonus because they’ve all been portioned out to the employees but he says I can change my mind anytime and that I’m his favorite person there and he loves me with the heartfelt encouragement to keep fighting cancer. He and my friend who donated 6 months of sick leave time to me and I worked closely together for many years, it was a wonderful partnership. After our conversation, he met with the supervisor who told me the wrong bonus amount, asking how this happened. He is ultimately responsible for the budget I work so hard on, which is the main reason I stayed this long but we’ll keep in touch.
The cabin is pretty isolated at the top of a mountain about a 30 minute drive to the paved road, then another 20 minutes to town (population 1,200) but I’m happy with DH, animals and a garden and the view is spectacular!
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