My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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MJH, I read on another thread that your Y-90 procedure went well. I hope you feel better and recover quickly. In the meantime, take it easy, let other people spoil you, and don't overdo it. Sending you hugs.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Thinking of you today, Micmel. I was very happy to see your DH was talking with an attorney. I know it goes against every Mom bit of you...but how they afford a place to live is not your problem to solve. And this is the second home he's been kicked out of?? Geeze Louise, he's something! Maybe this will wake him up...but probably not.
Lynne, your flowers look beautiful!! Glad spring has finally sprung for you. I was back to cleaning out/mulching this past weekend. Still a bit to go... but we're getting there.
Had cataract surgery today. Can't see a damn thing right now but doc says it went well. Fingers crossed!
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Mic- thinking of you don't have any other advice other then what you have already been given.
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egads stranger no more love your advice had me laughing over here.
They may have to stay 30 days but they don’t have to use your car.
This self entitled generation sucks
Tanya
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micmel I'm sorry that this is happening to you. You bent over backwards to try to make this a great day for your daughter. My dad used to tell me that I would learn one way or another and unfortunately I always learned the hard way which is how it seems your daughter is going to learn.
my daughter in law sent me a facebook posting that says that a vaccine is being worked on. They inject it into the tumor and it kills it and seeks an other cancer like it and kills it. They tested it on 90 mice and it worked on 87 of them. Has anyone heard about this?
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I’m happy to report that the MRI of my abdomen was normal. The doctor feels that whatever inflammation that was on my kidney has now cleared. Still no explanation of why my tumor markers are slowly creeping up although the doctor feels that inflammation may contribute to that. Feeling very relieved.0
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very good news Lynnwood congratulations! We need good news. Around here! Much love ~M~
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That's great news, Lynnwood!!
My tumor markers climbed for a few months but my scans were good. Last month they dropped 300 points! Could have been from inflammation, radiation to my hip, who knows... I decided to just go along for the ride...
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Lynnwood, WOOHOO for the good news. I am glad your kidneys look clear. Hopefully, your TMs will begin falling soon.
Holmes, How are you? I did see an article about a vaccine that has been tested on mice. It uses the mouse's own immune system to destroy the cancer. It has been injected into tumors of mice, and the vaccine strengthens t-cells and those bolstered t-cells not only target the cancer cells in that tumor, but they seek out other cancer cells even in distant metastases and destroys them. I think they they are planning to begin human trials in lymphoma patients. The researchers believe that the treatment would work for many kinds of cancers. It has a long way to go of course, but they believe it could be a promising immunotherapy-type of treatment. I think the research is taking place in California. Stanford maybe?
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynnwood-Great news on your MRI!
MJH-Glad your procedure went well, and you are feeling a little better!
Micmel-Hang in there! We're all here for you! Hugs!
Lynne
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I leave for a few days, and seems like there is crisis with all of us.
I do have some good news but it feels swallowed up by other issues. Hmmm, that could describe all of us. Good news my scan is stable but I hardly have room to feel happy. It was yesterday when I went to my MO, knowing I would get the results. Anxious, lacking sleep and ready to confront my MO with all the issues that have impaired our communication and my trust. Discrepancies rampant. I wanted some explanations, wanted to figure out how to move forward with her. I got hard nosed reality. My intuition about the source of her attitude is now confirmed.
She proceeded to tell me that she has the opinion that lay people should not read their reports. It only causes stress. What young doctor in 2018 thinks that way? Actually, that opinion alone is a deal breaker.
Then she proceeded to tell me I was not embracing life because I don't have a scheduled exercise program. What? How do those two things even belong together? As you all know, I am embracing life. Where does she get off making that judgment of me? She's my cancer doctor not my life coach. I was flabbergasted. If I wanted to be analyzed I would go to someone in that profession. Another big crack in the trust
She finally explained her opinion about her treatment plan. Even though my foundation one report says I am resistant to aromatace inhibitors she plans to keep me on one, even after progression. She adamantly said Ibrance is the med keeping you from progressing. She only orders AI because that's the way way FDA approves payment. So she is giving me a drug she thinks is worthless for me. For whatever reason she doesn't believe that the studies on Ibrance not working alone are true. What?!
She also got my My F1 report mixed up with another patients report. She gave me advice based on the other person's results. What?! Trust down the drain.
My PET report, reluctantly given to me, says there is one tumor in my chest that is taking up more uptake. Turns out its exactly where I've been having pain for the past two months. I told her about that six weeks ago. She didn't even mention the correlation to me. I figured it out. Drain flushed, I'm done with her.
My drama will continue because finding a new MO won't be easy or without drama. Sorry you all got the long story, I am incapable of telling short stories.😢
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Grannax, glad to hear of the stable scan, and also glad you are not going to put up with this odd sounding oncologist. Your troubles in finding a new one will be inconvenient but well worth the effort. Best wishes.
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Grannax, congratulations on your stable scan. Also, congratulations on getting rid of a horrible onc!!! She is a strange one indeed!
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Grannax, wow, so many things wrong with that MO. I had a mild version of that with my MO, I agreed not to google in a panic, instead I would educate myself more in the terminology so we could discuss results quickly and efficiently. We can’t have members of our treatment teams that are not fully committed. And although I believe exercise is very important, like other meds, simple positive encouragement should have been the approach. Some people just don’t get it, if the can’t or won’t relate well, they should go work in the lab.
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Granna, great news on the stable scan!! But wow on the MO. I'm with Divine... she sounds very odd. Well worth the effort to find a new and improved doc... but it is a royal pain.
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Micmel, darling, sorry I missed so much of this. There will be NOTHING helpful or politically correct about my reaction! My first thought was, punch him in the throat. Hard. Twice. My next thought was, in my connected Italian family we have ways of dealing with situations like this. Ways where no evidence, or body, is ever found. A phone call, a few thousand dollars in small bills, problem solved. It might be worth having him overhear you having a phone conversation with a hit man. Stand outside his door as he sleeps, kick the door a few times, then say loudly into a phone "He is a short, squat, toad like looking young man and if you shoot him in the face it will make identification harder, do I have to pay extra for a face shot?" I would also do things like listen to VERY LOUD music when he is sleeping, vacuum outside his bedroom door repeatedly, bang on his door and shout things like YOU SHOULD GO OUTSIDE IT'S A NICE DAY OUT THERE, YOU WHACKED OUT TROLL!! He may have rights to your home (doubtful) but does he have rights to your food? When you see him about to raise a spoon to his lips, hit him with a broom or rolled up newspaper. Is he in the shower? Flush every toilet and turn on every hot water tap. Go Ninja on his ass. Make the next 30 days super, duper pleasant. No holds barred. Go with your bad self! The rules might say you can't get rid of him but they do not say you have to be sane or accommodating in any other way.
I agree with what Egad said. This rift cannot be blamed on the son in law. He is but a symptom. I am sorry dear Micmel, but the blame rests with your daughter. She is entirely responsible for who she has chosen, for being wilfully supportive of his shitty conduct, and for staying with him anyway. She is not a slave. She is an adult with full rights under the law. She could, at any time, have thrown the shitwad to the curb. If she remains in your home knowing that you have asked them to leave and knowing that he has threatened you with legal action ... let her go. Let her go. She is already gone.
Others have advised you to let her know you love her and are there for her. Hell no! Oh, you can love her. And sometimes love is closing the door on a child who chooses stupid and letting them learn, the hard way, the painful way. Don't be giving her an easy way out. You say, "hey there Smarty Pants, off you go into your grown up life of subservient religious oppression and alienation from the people who love you. Knock yourself out. Learn hard. When you decide what you need to do to get yourself out of this shit mess, give me a call and tell me what steps you have taken to solve your own problem. Or not. Up to you. Until then, buh bye, I'm going to enjoy my space to myself. Closing the door now, bye, bye, bye."
I say this because my own daughter has spent 25 years ripping my heart out of my chest with vicious glee and all I wanted to do was SAVE her from herself until the day I figured out that I was damaging her and harming her by running interference in the HARD life lessons that were heading her way. Now when she alerts me to some stupid and catastrophic choice she is making instead of doing my mom rant I stop. Think. Look at her. Smile. Nod. And say, "Yup, you do that. There is a whole lot of valuable learning wrapped up in that choice and as your mother I say, go for it. Anything that makes you smarter is good for you and this, my dear, is going to make you a hell of a lot wiser than you are now. So go ahead. Let me know how it works out for you." But I DO NOT tell her I'll 'be there' for her. If she fractures the relationship so badly then she has fixing to do before 'being there; will happen. You break it, you fix it or you live without it. You can love her and leave her out in the cold until she's ready to own and admit her bullshit. Don't be so quick and easy to be there. But be ready to let her mend what was torn and heal what was ripped.
My heart breaks for you. This is the perfect time to get some Kahlua and drink Brown Cows until you barf. (barf in his room, maybe on his pillow. While his head is on it) You know I am in your corner! Stupid kids are so mortifying and yours is being really stupid. Sorry to say. Hugz.
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Grannax, I had an MO like that who didn't think patients should read reports. He was the only one of my doctors connected to my hospital system that had no electronic communications at all. No e-mail and you could not send messages to him on the portal. He only released blood work results to the portal. That was his token concession to modern paient/doctor communication. Notice I am speaking of him in the past tense. He is no longer my MO. I got a new one who is probably not as scientifically smart but she is much nicer. That is a trade I am willing to make. Plus, they are in the same practice so they mostly do the same treatments. I thought it would be harder to change MO's but I lucked out in that this practice allows changes within the practice. That was new to me because I've never been able to do that before. Most practices I have been to do not allow changes within the practice. Maybe you could ask if it would be allowed where you are going. I did and have been really happy ever since.
Micmel, I had the same thought as others as soon as you said he was sleeping in your house. Make some noise. Music was my first thought but vacuuming, etc. would work, too. Make a statement ... a loud one.
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MJH ~ glad the procedure is over. I hope for nothing but success... much love ~M~
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Grannax~absolute congrats on your scans my sweet friend. Happy so happy ! 🌷🌷 ~M~
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Grannax-Congrats on the scans! I'm sorry about your awful oncologist. Sounds like it's her way or the highway. Glad you are changing. I get my scan results (from the radiology dept), the day I have them, or the day after. I did not know at first that I could get them myself. The receptionist at radiology told me. I've been getting them ever since. I like to be prepared at my appointment, to what the results are. I go over it at home (look up some medical words I don't know) and am able to ask her questions at my appointment. She's fine with it. She said one of her patients did not want to know what was on the reports, and just wanted to know if it was good or bad. To each their own, but if you want to know, it's your right!
Lynne
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Grannax! I agree with the others, good news on your scan. I can’t blame you at all for looking for a new doctor! She sounds like a nightmare!!!!
Bone scan tomorrow...sm nervous!!
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Jaycee~ the problem with that is. I am the one who is usually doing the sleeping. I need a ton of rest and i sleep a lot. So I am the one that needs the sleep and rest. The stress is really what is making me really very sick. It’s very distressing when you can’t rest in your own home. Turns out going the legal route, could have a potential to make them stay even longer. Because of hearing dates and court hearings. All while living under the same roof. My body cannot take anything like that. I am at my wits end and physical top, short of losing my official mind. It’s so sad. That was my daughter. 💔 ~M~
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Thanks ladies for all your encouragement about changing doctors. I am going to talk to my PCP who's taken good care of me almost 20 years and get her advice about who she thinks would be a good match for me. She knows me and likes me.She already has concerns when I told her she was leaving Texas Health, she has no portal, etc. She won't like the rest of the story either.
Oh Micmel, I just want to reach in and pull him out of your house. Leave her alone, I would scream. Let her get the peaceful rest she has to have to deal with her health. Then I am afraid lots of bad words would come vomiting out of my mouth.😤 Yes, that's it, let's all turn into giants, scare him to death as we pick him up by his tiny neck and throw him out. I think he might never come back after seeing all of us. Scary big ladies, some bald, some with one or no boobs, maybe in our nightgowns, rage on our no makeup faces ( with no eyebrows or eyelashes). We could be his most scary nightmare EVER!
There, Micmel, I've got this, at least in my vivid imagination. Sorry it can't be real.😢
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OH Grannax, Wouldn't that be great. We would be quite a sight. I can't stop laughing. Of course we might scare Micmel right out of her own house, too. Maybe Bigbhome could ride in on her horse, and Lynne could drive her three wheel motorcycle. Mae can bring the band's bus. The rest of us can just yell and scream and carry big signs. Those two ungrateful people would be gone in no time. We would show them that no one can mess with anyone in our big family
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everything froze. So I took a screen shot to keep what I had written. But anyway. I'm starting to think the relationship is gone. Much love ~M. The he in all the above text means my sweet DH... he doesn't deserve this at all. I meant to say it’s bound to cause conflict. There is nothing beautiful about it. If anyone reading this has personal experience with this religion I need guidance on how to handle it. How do I act.? What do I do? Just nothing ? 💔0 -
Micmel, No one deserves it, not your DH and not you! If we could go through life getting only what we deserve, the world would be a much different place. Your DH did not marry you to be with you only for the rainbows and sunshine. He promised to be with you during the bad times as well as the good. Life is life. Love is love. He loves you, and I am sure he wants to carry you through all this bitterness, disappointment, and chaos. You did not plan this, and he understands that. I am sure that you daughter's behavior hurts your DH as much as it hurtsyou. Why? Because he loves your daughter. She has turned her back on him as well as you. This ugliness is not the only experience he has with you and your daughter. He also has lots of good experiences and memories of joining you in the family. He is not an outsider looking in, he is smack dab in the middle standing right next to you. He has treated your daughter as his own. When you two married, you became one big family with all the joys, responsibilities, and pain that came with it. You both took on added responsibilties, expanded roles, and unknown adventures, happy times, and perilous times. Life has no guarantees, Micmel. Every one of us has experienced tragedies, sad times, and scary events. We cannot avoid them, and somehow we have survived them. I know it doesn't feel that way, but you will survive this, too. Your relationship with your daughter will never be the same, but she is not your entire life. Let her move on and live her own life. Take the opportunity to look to the other things in your life. You have others whom you love, your DH, your DS, your DSS. Build on those relationship. Believe me, once your daughter and son-in-law move, you will feel the tension level in your life and in your home decrease dramatically. You have been suffering through their relationship and attitudes for too long. You and your DH deserve peace.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Thought I'd chime in and praise my wife Leslie for soldiering on through Venice on a hot as hell week. Anyone who's been there knows it's a not a city easy to navigate on crutches and with a lytic met in your femur.
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Oh, I can see this bald girl gang storming the front lawn now for a good old fashion shaming, lol!
You ladies crack me up 🤣
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Well said Lynne! BigB would love to deposit a large amount of manure on his head! He also does not like closed doors, so he would happily kick it all day, Bam, Bam, Bam, he is quite demanding! Micmel, if you want peace you have to get them out NOW! Make your house so terrible that they can't stand it! Turn your water heater off, take a nice long shower then shut the water off to the house. Get a bucket full for your toilet to flush and do not turn it back on until you need it! You say it's hot, get a window shaker or a portable air conditioner for your bedroom and turn off the a/c. Dh says that you can block the run to their bedroom if you want to! Empty fridge of any food they purchased, put a lock on the fridge! Do you have direct tv? If so, confiscate their box when they are gone for the day. If they start calling you names, please call 911 asap! Verbal abuse is against the law! Make sure that you make the responding officers aware that you are afraid and that you are very ill! Keep this up! Where is your Ds? Can he come stay in your house until they are gone and you go stay with Dh?
Grannax, Yay!!!!!
Magda, you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday!
Claudia
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Micmel, All of those things that you purchased for the wedding can be sold! Use the money for a vacation for you and your Dh! You could really use one!
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