My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel you’ve been working hard for months for this bridal shower/wedding with lots of drama in between. You also run this fantastic thread. In all of this despair fear and sadness you gave us all a place
. I’m so happy that for that day you saw your dear friends and x sil. You should be tired. Everything looked wonderful and you made everyone happy for that day. Those memories will last forever. I am sorry about Robin and all the rest of us. It’s our life right now.
Take it easy on yourself. Much love my dear and bravo strong Viking warrior.
Tamya
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Divine~ I know logically everyone is dying. I just don't want to let go of those I truly love dearly. That's my hang up. That's my soul breaking in two. I appreciate all your support and helpful words to keep me going..
Tanya~My sweet. Thank you. I did try my best. I have been planning for months and you again are correct about heavy drama in between. I appreciate all of you being here with me on our thread. It is my second family. Never any judgement, which I've always needed in my life. Thank you so very much for being you. Much love ~M~
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I get up every day knowing that things could always be worse. I have so much in my life, so much to appreciate and be grateful for. Don’t forget that you do too 🙂
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DivineMrsM, I like the arch and stairway ideas. I particularly like the spiral stair.
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How are you feeling this morning, dear Micmel? I hope things look better to you today. Sending you sunshine & love!
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JKL~ good morning sweetheart.... I wanted to thank you for your sweet supportive post that you posted In the steam room for me. It's really important to me that I connect and help people and have shoulders to lean on and shoulders to give for support. I really appreciate how reading your comment, made me feel so happy inside. It Helped me when I needed it. My DH had to go back down to work again for the week, I'm always gloomy when he's not here. He is my rock and my heart. The shower was perfect. It's been raining and pouring and severe flooding in our area. The day of the shower we had guests who ended up being here for hours after the shower was ended because on the main part of the turnpike... under the mountains and the tunnel. Right before it, there was a mudslide and rocks and mud blocked cars and they were covered in mud. The road closed for hours. It was very scary. Cars floating by, roads closed. No one could go anywhere. Some people came from Jersey and way high up near the poconos.
I'm just thankful everyone was safe but it's still raining. Pouring actually and there are warnings out again. So please if you have rain and are anywhere near the warnings...please be careful. I'm doing ok today. I certainly am trying. Thank you so much for coming here and giving me some love. I adore you and Runor. Hugs right back to you sweet friend.
Waving hello to muddling.
Much love ~M~
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Hi everyone,
Doing OK, trying to catch up around here and get my house ready for my sister and family to visit.
Micmel-the shower looked so nice and it's just the greatest that you were able to enjoy it so much! I find after a few days of intense activity that I crash also! Xeloda has been more intrusive this cycle with sore feet, fatigue and slight GI involvment, but am about to have my week off.
I am completely gutted by Robin's passing. It is heart rending and sobering when we lose a sister. A hard, hard reality.
Enjoying the veggie garden. Meals are fun with a bit of protein and whatever I gather from the garden.
MRI on Sept. 5th to see outcome of Y90/Xeloda. More curious than anxious as I have been feeling so well. Still riding like the wind while I can.
Sending love to each and everyone of you. Special prayers for those experiencing discomfort and uncertainty presently.
Best, MJH
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MJH. I'm praying for excellent results for all post y90 girls. My PET in August 27.
I've been feeling pretty good too except for chronic sinus infection. It's a well documented SE for me from Ibrance. This one has been the worst. It was better on Zpac then worse again. It seemed to make my tooth hurt, too. It stopped hurting so I cancelled my dentist appointment. Now, it's worse again but obviously sinus. I think I'll go see my PCP tomorrow. Maybe she can sort this out for me.
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MJH~ thank you very much for the kind words about the shower. It really was very special, you forget sometimes that getting out and doing things creates memories. Now I am onto stressing about the reception. Which is September 15......I have un countable linens that need ironing... I have center pieces to create, rose petals to separate. The best thing is this one, is not in my home. We got our final count for the shower, we did have thirty guests. It rained so hard. I'm thankful we did not plan anything outside. The smokers had a place to go on our porch or under the gazebo we put outside. It really meant a lot to me to see her so happy. Now onto the reception And picking music plus paying off more things ugh!
Grannax~ i am also another one that feels like it's almost a constant sinus issue or problem. I always had sinus infections before BC but it just seems that I am susceptible to them, you seem to be as well. Did I read that you are on your 20 month of taking ibrance ? I started my 20 this weekend. I have blood work in ten days, hating that so much! Honestly hope you feel better. 🌷 much love. ~M~
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When I read of one of our members passing, it feels like an assault. Like something that we valued and held on to and wanted to keep was ripped from us, against our will, by force. It leaves you feeling violated, betrayed and powerless as well as angry and sad beyond words. Robin had every reason to want to live and cancer doesn't care. Doesn't concern itself with who it mows down and the wreckage left behind. A faceless, sinister beast.
Micmel, I wanted to climb into your photo and give you and daughter and son a big hug. I also wanted a cupcake, let's be honest. I also would have stolen a balloon while no one was looking. I smiled a big, silly smile when I saw you and said, to no one because I am alone, hey there, Micmel. Your picture had a lot of happiness in it, even as you have sadness in you. Life is weird. And often stupid.
Everyone, I read and cheer or feel sad with what's going on with each of you. It's like we're an army of women all carrying the same backpack as we trudge into different battles. Godspeed and peace to all of us!
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Runor~ I adore you! You made me laugh out loud and I am alone as well.. my dogs looked up. Lol. You're precious. The cupcakes were gobbled up for sure, people were angling for them. We even busted someone who had two lol. But thank you for your sweet words. You always make me smile. I adore your laughter and posts always. The cupcakes were delicious..... I have to agree. Somehow I did not get a picture of the huge table of food. I was nervous I'll admit it, because I look so bad. It's embarrassing to me to have been the victim of the assault you speak of. Never to have myself back again. Screw the new normal I want myself back! ~M~
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No, Micmel, you are not allowed to say you look bad! Your strength, perseverance & grace make you beautiful. All of us who have gotten to know you on BCO can attest to that. Acknowledge that you're gorgeous or I'll have to come & knock some sense into you!
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Micmel, the shower pictures were absolutely lovely! You look beautiful!!! Thanks so much for sharing them. Memories were made and that’s what it’s all about.0
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JKL~Thank you sweetheart, I really appreciate the friendship and support. It's nice to know that we are both important to each other. I did have fun, it was my hair. I don't like it curly. I always straighten it, my DH likes it curly. He had done so much for the shower I hadn't the heart to break out the flat iron. Now I wish I had. I look older. I look weak and tired I never was unsure of myself before BC. Being cut apart 8 times someplace on my body since diagnosis will knock you down a few pegs.
Lynnwood~ Thank you for taking the time to let me know I did ok with the shower. It really was a special day for everyone. I just felt such loss already and sadness watching life go on all around me. People planning people in no pain.. young beautiful women. Doing just fine. Makes me angry, but I don't want anyone to suffer with cancer NO ONE (unless they have harmed children or are clearly evil beings) you're all very special to me and i thank you for caring.
Love to all. ~M~
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This is part of the opening of the gifts. I was lucky enough to get the best seat in the House exciting !! It was precious to see her happiness and smiles It was truly touching Her whole hearted laughter and smiles. They really were treated wonderfully and I am thrilled that we are blessed with having a large enough home to house that many people comfortably. I am proud of the day! ~M~ someone said she looks like me I’ll take that because she is breath taking. I used to be before I was attacked by cancer! Thanks for caring everyone !
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Holy Cow! I'm 4 pages behind! I'll read tonight, and comment tomorrow! You really can't miss a day on this thread!
I am starting CMF (apparently the F, is the same drug as Xeloda, I was 2 1/2 years on that treatment, my longest one) Thurs morning, and we will be heading to our nephew's wedding in VT, immediately afterwards (a 2 hr drive). I'm hoping that the side effects aren't bad, and I'm feeling good on Sat night for the wedding.
Lynne
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Lynne~ I'll be sending you thoughts of strength to have a good day for the wedding. It's so important to make those memories as I discovered this weekend. You're a very tough woman. At the shower, my DH sis and her fiancé came in a Mini Cooper. It was blue and white with a white top. It was kinda cool ! I can see why you all like thm , they are pretty darn neat. We had a lot fun flooding, they were afraid they were going to float away! Rest up sweet woman. Much love ~M~
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Micmel, love the photos, lovely picture of you and your family! Precious memories. Glad everything went well. I would have gobbled up a couple of those cup cakes too!! Thank you for sharing this moment with all us ladies here. I think you look amazing!! X
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Micmel, you do not look bad at all! In fact I admire you for having your picture taken. I have spent all my life hating my looks so much that there is very little photographic evidence that I even exist. Most days I am convinced I am a figment of my own imagination.
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My scan is this morning ladies and I’m so nervous!! It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve been so blessed to still be on my first line treatment for over 3 years but I know that cancer is sneaky. My husband, who has always been so positive and strong broke down the other night and told me that he is scared of what is to come. He sobbed and said that he can’t live without me. Of course this broke my heart. If this scan shows progression, it’s gonna hit him hard. Prayers appreciated! Love you all.0
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Strength and good thoughts coming your way for sure my friend and sister! In your pocket. Thinking of you. Will be with you making silly noises to distract you from your scan. Big special hugs to you darling. I know exactly how you feel. I'm hanging on to you tight! Much love ~M~
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Lynnwood-Praying your scan comes out with good results, this morning! Hugs!
Micmel-Looks like you had a great day with the shower. Sorry about the rain! We are lucky, we live on top of a hill, and when other areas of the city are flooding, we are fine! I'm pretty sick of the rain right now, I need to see the sun, it keeps me in a better mood. Great pics! I love the new chair too! We do love our Minis (except, our younger daughter)! They are fun to drive!
MJH-Thanks for the info on the Citoxin. I also have a wren, that comes to my feeders every day. They are cute! Enjoy your time with your sister!
Grannax-My compression fracture is in T2. I've had 4 kyphoplasties already. 3 in the thoracic region, and one between L5 and S1. I had a MRI of my spine yesterday. The Boston oncologist wanted to make sure it's sciatica and not some of the mets in my bones, making the bones put pressure on those nerves. I got the report and CD, but I can't make heads or tales out of it. Sounds like the surgery you had was very complicated. Glad it went well for you.
Daywalker-Wonderful news on your latest tests! It's always great to hear good news!
Muddling-My DH does 99% of the cooking. It was that way long before I was diagnosed. I worked part-time evenings, for over 25 years, so he would have to feed, bathe, and put our 4 children to bed, Mon-Fri. I never enjoyed cooking. Once in a great while, I'll make dinner, but that is a rare day indeed. Glad you got to cook and enjoy the meal you made!
Scwilly-Beautiful sign you made!
Last Fri, I called my primary, to get 2 new prescriptions, because I was running out and there were no refills. I told them one was going to the local pharmacy, and the other was going to the mail order company. Well they sent both to the mail order (the mail order company sent me 2 emails, instead of one), and I was down to 2 pills of the prescription that should have went to the local pharmacy. I went down to the dr's office (1/2 a mile from home) and explained it to the receptionist. She said I was right, it said it on my chart. The person messed up. She sent a new prescription to the local pharmacy. Around 3 yesterday, I had not heard from the pharmacy, so I called them. They told me, that because the mail order company, already processed that prescription, they could not process one. I explained that I was down to 1 pill, so she said she could use their discount, and fill a 30 day bottle for me. I had to pay $10 for it. Works for me! Now I'll have muscle relaxers for my sciatica, for the weekend! I'm so sick of the dr's offices messing up. It's happened too often, for me anyway!!! GRRRRR!
My son who totaled his Mini Countryman, bought a 2017 Mini Clubman, last week. It's not red though (as his last 3 cars have been). It's a flat light gray, with a black roof (no stripes, I love the stripes!). The Clubman has the barn doors on the back, instead of a hatch, like the others (well the convertibles, like ours, has a tiny trunk). It only has 9k miles on it. It was a salesman's car. His daughter loves it, and so does he. They loved the one that got totaled too. His first Mini, was an all red 2 door Cooper. That one was older, with lots of miles, and had lots of engine problems.
I had a sister of a friend, on one of my other threads, message me on her account. There were only 3 of us on that thread (Taxotere), and we posted often. I had sent a message to the friend about a month ago, because we hadn't heard from her in awhile. The sister let me know that her sister had "gone to the other side", the end of June. This disease really sucks! It keeps taking away wonderful people. I was sorry to hear about Robin, and Patty's suffering. It's all so sad!
Today, I am watching my grandsons again. I've watched them 3 times, and seen them 2 days, in the past week. I love them dearly, but they exhaust me, even if I'm just watching them in the pool! My daughter has a dr's appointment today. She's had pain in her back for 4 days now (she left work on Sat, and stayed home Sun, she's a workaholic, so you know she's hurting). She's had kidney stones and kidney infections twice, once while she was pregnant with number 2 son. She's going today, because it's her day off. She's been drinking lots of cranberry juice and water, hoping to "clear" it up. Enough is enough. go see someone!
Hugs to all! Enjoy your Tuesday!
Lynne
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Oh, I forgot to tell you. My mother-in-law, got her pathology results, from her lumpectomy. It came back stage 3. They said she has a very aggressive form of breast cancer. We went to see them on Sunday, and to pick up our boat for vacation. She looks very upset. Her tumor was 9mm, ER and PR+ Her2-. They took one lymph node during her lumpectomy, and it was clear. She thought she was all set. They told her she wouldn't even need radiation. She sees the oncologist the 27th and her surgeon the 28th. She's not sure what she is going to do. She'll be 86 in December. She is very active though. She meets with a church group, and volunteers there all the time. She also has a group of women that have been meeting for over 50 years together. She also waits on her husband, hand and foot. He said that she can't leave him because he hasn't dressed himself in 65 years (that's how long they have been married). I said well it's about time you learned. He is doing the dishes now, and the laundry (because it is down cellar). She still does all the cooking still. They are going to the wedding too. Our niece sent an invitation for her baby's baptism, the following Sunday. We are on vacation, so we aren't going. My in-law's aren't going, because they have that appointment the next day. Our niece lives in RI (a 2 1/2 hour ride). If my MIL didn't have an appointment, in the morning, the next day, they would have stayed over Sun night, and gone home the next day.
Please keep her in your prayers!
Lynne
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Micmel and Lynne, thanks for your kind words! I am here now and just drank 2 huge cups of contrast. Thank goodness my center puts it in iced tea and it goes down easy. Feeling full right now. Micmel, I will picture you making silly noises when I get in the scanner. Ladies, your kind words mean so much in a stressful situation.0
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Lynne, Lynnwood, I am only mentally prepared for the best possible outcomes of chemo and scans, so I hope you have big pockets, looks like this group is hunkered down 😀
Micmel, great party pics, glad you got to see some old familiar faces too
Had H&P treatment yesterday, just an echo next week, so not much medical lately. I’m going to the gym most days but having trouble figuring out what to do with all this extra time. DH will be home in about a week, so date night is coming (probably fried chicken and a movie, The Meg!)
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Lynne~ you’re amazing all you seem to do. Ibrance strips me of my energy daily. It gets old. So does sleeping and constantly being like a zombie and exhausted. I will make sure to send your mil some thoughts of strength and direction in this sea of fear. Holding your hand sister. BC sucks so bad. I am sorry so sorry for the loss of your friend. I am feeling the same way about Robin. I can’t shake her beautiful smile. I don’t want to suffer. None of Us should, but why is it I feel like I am everyday alongside of a battalion of woman who have no choice. I hate cancer more than anything.
Lynnwood~ I am really good at noises. I can bark and growl. And I can cackle like a chicken. I can moonwalk. I can sound like a mimic parrot, I’m bringing out the entire choices just for you😝😛😜🤪🤩🤓🧐🤨. I am with you. Sorry if I am too loud! Hugs and love to you !
Mae~ glad DH is due Home. Hownisnthe gym coming. I am so envious. It has to be the medicine I am on. I’m so tired all the time. One day of activity makes for a very exhausting week ahead. It seems like I am a hamster on a wheel who the scientist pokes at with the stick pole to keep me moving. Thinking of the gym makes me said. I used to be all muscle. Makes me so upset to think of the decline I have experienced, and there wasn’t a dam thing I could do. So disgusted. But very pleased for you all.
Tanya. Thinking of you honey. Hoping you’re ok sweetheart. ❤️
Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I think you looked beautiful and the smile on your face sitting next to your daughter just lights up your whole face!!!
Lynnwood, praying for good results!
Lynne (man), hoping you get good results on the back and they can do something to relieve some pain without being too difficult! So sorry to hear of your MIL! Will keep her in my prayers.
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Lynne, with you on growling about doctor office mess-ups!
illimae, fried chicken date night! That my DH's favorite so he'd love for us to have that.
Micmel, I also miss the energetic me, the one who walked 2, 3, or 4 miles outdoors, going up and down hills every day to the beat of my walking playlist. I house-walk now, since it's so hot and mosquito-y. Not nearly a mile though. I make laps up and down the hall and around the dining room table, ha ha. At first it's creaky, hobbly, old-lady laps but it does smooth out if I keep going. I had to get 1 pound hand weights and do gentle arm and back exercises because, Lord knows I don't want to harm my weak vertebrae, but my muscles need to do something.
Lynnwood, sending you good thought for your tests!
Waving hi to all. It's sunny and bright here, at least for now.
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Gracie~thank you honey. Big change for me. I used to look so young and well. My hair was half way down my back and I miss that person. I was so thin. Then this thing came along and took parts of me away. It wasn’t invited. Now I’m left with the wreckage. I am wondering. Do most of the women who have stage four keep their breast and do not have surgery, unless pain is an issue?? I hope you’re feeling better I had 9 abraxane infusions. I know exactly how you feel. I am so thinking of you. Love you ~M~
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Muddling~ that does sound like a good idea. I used to do that but then I noticed I was wearing out the carpet. I hate humidity and I hate bitter cold ..... hmmmm wrong part of the country I suppose. You go girl. Run some laps for me! Much love ~M~
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