My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
-
Micmel, your blood work is going to be superb on Monday! Of course we'll all be with you.
KatyK, during the bone scan it is so hard to lie still for so long with that box just millimeters from your face to start with. I always plot a story the day before and spend the scan time 'inside my head' and mentally develop the characters and write the story. Even if I never put any of it down on paper, it's a pleasant way to pass half an hour. I shamelessly use a character from books I've read and see if I can weave a tale that would be believable. I like old fashioned mysteries, usually set in small villages, and it's entertaining to build and populate my own! It helps pass the time and is usually calming.
0 -
So I called to make an appointment with the urologist that my onc referred me to for my dilated ureter. Turns out he is a cancer urologist. Kind of taken aback because she told me that the radiologist and her do not believe that this is cancer related. Do you think she is just being cautious since I obviously have cancer or do you think she thinks this could turn into cancer. She assured me that my kidney function labs were perfect and that she nor the radiologist could not see any cysts, or masses there or forming. Why do doctors cause us such stress??? Of course the first available appointment is mid September. Does the worry ever end???0
-
Lynwood, I would not read too much into it. Many of the best urologists are cancer specialists. My guess, for what it is worth, is that your Onc has an established relationship with the urologist you were referred to and respects his or her skills. That relationship is probably tied to the fact that they both treat cancer patients. It makes communication between the two physicians easier and more comfortable. When my Onc referred me to a urologist, they talked about my case ahead of my first visit, after the first visit, and several additional times during the past three years as either of them had concerns. Another example is my DH. He needed a hepaticojejeunostomy last year and was referred to a surgeon at Dana Farber. The source of the stricture in his common bile duct was not cancer-related, but that particular surgeon was the best qualified. Try to relax. Your Onc probably chose the most qualified person. The fact that you aren't being seen till September is probably an indication that they believe it is not an urgent situation. I know it's hard to do, but try push it to the back of your mind and enjoy the rest of the summer. We can get through it together. I have to wait for scans in mid-September to find out if the jump in my CA 27.29 from 814 to 1600 in just 6 weeks is from tumor flare from tamoxifen or because tamoxifen is not working at all. I choose to believe it is tumor flare, a rare but known occurrence for some MBC patients who start tamoxifen. I had intense bone pain from head to toe for two weeks beginning at day 14 of treatment. Sounds like classic tumor flare to me. Of course I am fine now, but my TM is still 1600 and as my on told me, it is concerning. (But not as concerning as it would be in the absence of tumor flare symptoms.) So if your nerves get the best of you, let me know. I am the queenof the land of denial.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
0 -
Lynne, you always give the best advise, and always deliver it in a soothing, comforting, reassuring manner!! What you said makes perfect sense. She did say that she would reach out to him and ask him to review my scan. She said that she would take a watch and wait approach and just look at the next set of scans but wanted his opinion on that. She said she will run some urine tests on my next visit to her. You have such a great attitude towards everything, including your own issues. It does sound like you have been experiencing tumor flare. I was told about it when I started my treatment and when it happens it is unmistakable yet still scary. I like to float down the river of denial myself, we should get a boatload of us together and take a ride!! I’m so glad to see you posting again, your presence here was missed!0
-
katyk- good luck with the scans today. You're in my pr
0 -
KatyK~Will be in your pocket as well during the scan. All I need is a Lil space and I’ll be cackeling, singing, I can do flips. (Well used to able to maybe now id hurt myself) wishing you the scan of all scans ! Much love ~M~
0 -
what a scary strange night. I went to bed around 11:00 pm. Fell right asleep... then around 2:30. I heard this distant whining. Then a very muffled bark with obvious strain. My dog always barks light when he has to go outside so I ran downstairs to let him outside. He wasn't at the door. So I thought okay maybe I'm dreaming. I went back up to bed. (Mean while I have a turbo fan on 2and a sound machine with white noise on max in my room). I laid down in my bed again and was about to fall asleep again and I heard it again. Obvious distress sounding whine. So I grabbed a flashlight and went downstairs again to see if he was on the couch or where he was. I thought maybe he was even dreaming. He wasn't downstairs. I came back up and looked into the master suite where my DH usually is and I shined the light under the bed and there he was with his neck bent oddly, with his collar stuck on one of the metal bars on the bed frame. He was barely breathing. I took off his collar immmediately and he sprung right out from under he bed and leaped to jump in my arms. He was shaking. He would not leave my side ALL night he layed in my bed right next to my head was his head, the rest of the night he had to have his paw on me. He was whimpering and licking my face my hand my arm... he was more upset than I have ever seen him. The only thing close was when we picked him up at the vet/ boarding from vacation time. I didn't realize how upset I was too. I didn't sleep. I kept thinking what if I didn't hear him.? He would have died under there. 💔😞 still freaking me out. Hope all is well!! Much love ~M~
0 -
Micmel, so glad you were there to hear your dog. You were exactly where you were supposed to be at that moment for sure! Close the door to that room until your DH can fix the problem. Snuggle and spoil that fur baby.
0 -
Micmel, very scary!! Thank goodness you searched and found your fur baby! He stayed by you all night because he knows you saved his life!!! Give him some extra live today ( I know you will ) and some cuddles.0
-
Micmel, I don’t currently have dogs but I know how close you can be to your dog, so glad you had a happy ending with your pup. Got up early to go do scans this morning - CT and bone scan. Had to get up early but I woke up at 2 a.m. and could not get back to sleep. Might be a nap day. Thanks for the advice and well wishes for scans. Very helpful. Glad that’s done and will get results on Wednesday. Always hard to wait but it is easier than it used to be. Now about that nap....
0 -
Micmel, you're a great furmom! Thank goodness you were there for each other!!
Sending positive thoughts for your blood work on Monday.
0 -
Oh micmel, what an awful night, poor baby. I sleep fairly heavy except for a dogs bark, I hear that and I’m up immediately. Glad everything is ok.
0 -
oh Micmel, how scary for him, and so glad you were there for him. He'll be fine now he knows Mum came to the rescue.
Good wishes to all scanners and blood works coming up.
Xxx
0 -
It sure was crazy. Thank you muddling.....JKL......KatyK thinking of good results...... Mae... it's like we have trained ears. For the little precious things in our lives. I am very in tune with the dogs. Something told me to leave the door open. So I did. ... thank you Lynnwood and Minnie...... I'm taking off his collar tonight before bed, he seems to be a magician and able to open doors.... so I don't have a repeat performance. Hope everyone is doing well tonight! ~M~
0 -
Oh my goodness Micmel, your post brought tears to my eyes. Such a close call on a terrible situation that you don't need. I'm so glad for both of you that you were able to rescue him. Lucky fur baby
I have a CT scan on Monday night to check on how I’m doing on the Taxol. Got #16 today. Not quite in scanxiety mode yet, that’s for Sunday night, but it’s coming.
0 -
Hey Pots, good luck with scans! I woke up at 2 a.m. last night with scanxiety but got through it. Good advice from other ladies. It’s the bone scan that is hard for me due to claustrophobia. I get results on Wednesday. I will send good vibes to you for Monday scans. Got my cute grandkids here tonight, a wonderful bonding time and distraction. Sleep tight, you wonderful strong ladies
0 -
Pots~thank you very much, I'll be getting blood work and sending good thoughts your way. Hang in there. I know how it can drive you nuts. Take an Ativan. It's torture I know and i am so sorry we all have to do this. It's really not anyway to enjoy life for sure. Nothing but good thoughts.
KatyK~ glad its over! hope you can sleep tonight.
Waving hello to the Lynne's. Tanya. Grannax... Minnie MJH.... Divine.....Holmes....where has Blueshine been? ....Gracie.....Bigbhome.... my Chelle 💙.... Mae...daywalker....muddling...Daniel and Leslie...scwilly.....Runor...JKL....Magda.... thinking of you..miss bianca.... GP.....stilllivin.....Nan.? ....PattyPeppermint. Holding your hand tight sister...you are very loved. Much love and goodnight! ~M~
0 -
micmel, I saw Nan on Brain mets a week or two ago, I was super excited and posted an update on that here but the thread was moving too fast that day. Anyway, she seemed good 😀
0 -
Poor puppy! You are sure his hero! I am so glad you found him when you did!
Thinking of all you ladies. Reading, hearing, sending strong thoughts to all of you.
0 -
Micmel! Oh my gosh, thank goodness you found your precious dog in time!
0 -
it was very scary. I never want that to happen ever again. Really freaked me out.
Mae. I saw the posting about nan. Went back to look what a wonderful thing to read her doing well. Thank you for the reminder. 🌷🌷
Love to all. Today I have a tummy ache and I'm worried about bloodwork of course Monday. Yuck
0 -
just realized I haven't heard from Keetmom in a while. I am hoping her and her family are doing ok ! Magda also and Grannax. Goodness me. Having tummy issues. I stand up and I am dizzy. Chills sweats. Nauseous... thrown up twice in an hour actually. Always seems to catch something when I have my week off of medicine. We had that party and i am sure being around everyone did me in ! Ugh! Goodnight ladies. ~M~
0 -
Hi gals-
Micmel- Oh your poor puppy! A terrifying experience for both of you. As a teenager, I rescued one of our kittens who was caught in the fringe of a bedspread and choking. The chord was so tight around his neck that I was terrified that the scissors I was using would puncture his neck, but I succeeded and he was fine. I think my heart beat at 100 MPH for 1/2 an hour....So scary
Thinking of those of you having scans and waiting for test results. It's such a disconcerting microcosm that we all inhabit- a world I wish we could have avoided.
The Lynnes-yes, I would absolutely love another lunch date! Second half of September works best for me.
Been entertaining my sister and family-lots of fun-great meals together-exploring the Maine coast. Garden giving us cukes, summer squash still, and green beans, beets, onions, garlic, zinnias and sunflowers.Love cooking this time of year!
Feeling well and trying to ignore Mr. C.
Sending love to each and every one of you, and always prayers for the best to happen.
Love , Mary Jane
0 -
Good morning ladies
Gracie congrats on your time impressive
Katy K I take a pill for scans. Just don’t want an added hill in the emotional roller coaster
50s Lynne nice t hear from you dear
MJH nice to read about your fruitful garden
Micmel so happy you found your pup
Caught a cold in NY enjoying the grand kids in spite of everything and living this week in denial with my other traveling buddies.
Tanya
0 -
another night of sleeping poorly. My Stomach isn't happy. Have no appetite at all. Threw up all chemo and pills last night. Whatever. Somedays I just don't want to wake up and then I read the prayer thread and read where our beautiful Patty has entered hospice as an inpatient. She has two young boys and I am sick even worse to the core with sadness.
I think I'm getting an ulcer from worrying constantly. About myself ... my family.. everyone I love. ....you precious friends..... why does this have to happen to all of us ? I don't understand why we got the short stick in this deal of life. Or death even. I just don't have much fight in me left. Mentally and physically. Everyday is hard to get through. Sleeping is my only place... with my DH I am safe, but then I look into his beautiful piercing blue eyes and my mind races back to every smile and every touch or laugh. My deep love is so deep it cripples me from swallowing or even crying out. The fear and terror sometimes have no sound for me. It's an internalized terror that shakes you inside and you become in another zone where this cannot possibly be real. You feel sickness in your heart,that I'm not even able to measure with words to express to those you have loved more than your own life. I don't want to leave him. Why do I have to ? Why my kids? Why. Yours? Why our husbands ? It's just not ok to have to live like this. Allowing people to suffer mentally which to me is way beyond explanation or understanding. It's a cruel mean evil tortured thing to allow to happen to us. I can't understand a good god knowing such suffering would allow it to happen. It's not like we are all ninety and have bodies that can no longer House life. I just wish it would leave us alone. This is not life.... this is just plain raw extreme suffering. I hate you cancer and trust me that doesn't even begin to cover it. ~M~ 💔⁉️❌😡😪🤕
0 -
I'm here! Nothing too exciting going on right now, so I've just been reading about your adventures.
Tomorrow will be exciting for my granddaughter. She starts middle school. She went to an orientation last week and is a little overwhelmed. She's a sixth grader, the school is enormous compared to elementary. It has three stories and all her classes are on different levels. She's worried about getting/ finding all her classes on time. I remember feeling all of that when I started Jr. High. I had dreams about ending up in the wrong class. But, this is my super confident, super smart theatre star! I was none of those things at her age. So, I thought she wouldn't be feeling all of that like I did. Wrong. She's also my smell the roses, never gets in a hurry, incredible imagination girl. That's the problem. Her teacher s have always made sure she is in the right class at the right time. She's never had to be responsible for that. My son thinks it will be a good thing for her. He gets frustrated with having to call her five times when it's time to go somewhere. She hates hurrying. We'll see how the first day goes.
My grandson, on the other hand, loves to be on time or early. He's always put his clothes out the night before, all matching perfectly. He told us he's the best dresser in his kindergarten class. He has been known to wake up before anyone and be ready before anyone else is even awake. I expect that's what will happen tomorrow for the first day of first grade.
Once again, it's fascinating to me that two kids from the same parents can be so different. Mine were like that, too.
I will have scans in two weeks. I'm really expecting them to be even better than they were 3 months ago. That would put me very close to NEAD. Then the doubt creeps in. I have two vacations planned for September. If there is progression it could mess up those fun plans. UGH. Why do we have to live like this?
The first one is a road trip to Lake Tenkiller in NE Oklahoma. As a teenager I went there with my parents and a group of ten families from our church every weekend and summer. The "oldest " kids who are now 70 ish are still my close friends. So all seven of us are going to meet there for a reunion. OMG. I'm so excited to be with them for a few days. We are scattered throughout Texas and Oklahoma now and don't get to see each other much.
See, this is why you should not miss my posts, they are way too LONG. The next trip is to fly to Baltimore with my DD and DSIL. I'll be gone a week. We're staying on Kent Island at a friend's beautiful home on the eastern shore of the bay.
So that pretty much sums up the next month of my life. Agony and ecstasy. What an exciting life we live. Drama, I'm praying for no drama during the next four weeks.Glad I have friends here who "get it".💞
0 -
micmel, I hate to see you so down. I know there’s nothing I can say to make you happier or worry less but it seems like your sadness is extreme, even for a cancer patient. I say this with love, not judgement and wish for you the ability to see the joy in each day.
It’s sunday and one of my friends is hosting this week. We’re having chili and cake (it’s my 43rd 1/2 birthday today!) 😁🎂🎉
0 -
Happy birthday Sweetheart. 🎂🍭🍪🍩...I hope you have an amazing time at your friends tonight. You're kicking butt. I have been thinking I need a tweak in my Effexor. It's time for that. Also I have a sinus infection. And I know that blood work is coming up. I think It's all getting to me. Another issue is I spend too much time alone. I appreciate your honesty. More than you know. Much love ~M~
0 -
Grannax~You are a busy bee! I have been feeling so overwhelmed with the reception And shower and everything, I cant even see straight. I can’t believe first grade huh? Wow. I also had those same anxiety feelings with going to middle school. Maybe two weeks it will be old hat to her. But it’s still seems to be the unknowns that get us. I’m so happy to see you and I hope you have a great time on your trip it sounds lovely and peaceful. Please look at a cloud or a sand dune for me. I used to love the beach. Now I just cant tolerate the heat at all. Glad to see you sweetheart. I guess we do understand don’t we! Much love ~M~ 🏢📓✏️🚌🎒👨👧👨🏼🏫👩🏼🏫. Big days first day of school good luck !0 -
Micmel, hope you feel better soon.
illimae, happy half birthday. When my son was little we had half birthday celebrations in Jan. for him. We all needed cheering up in Jan! Nothing elaborate but special.
Grannax, happy and safe travels!
I have felt so bad today and couldn't figure out why. Not tolerating pain I can usually take, snappish, very depressed, just sort of whimpering, moaning with pain without meaning to. Then I remembered the fruit cup I had at lunch. Hmm. Did it have artificial sweeteners in it?? I got the label out of the trash can and, yep, artificial sweeteners!! I cannot tolerate them at all and never could. It's not a cancer thing. So, I still feel horrible but I know why. Hoping for a better day tomorrow.
0
