My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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50's, I hope you will feel much better soon.
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Thanks Mae!!! Glad the Abraxane is working for me finally!
50’s, you have really been slammed! Hoping they get you back to a better place soon and your new tx brings everything back under control!!! Will be praying for this!!
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Hi 50s! I was thinking about you, since I didn't see you post lately. Sorry to hear that you didn't feel good. Once you clear the UTI you will be ok and I'll be praying the next treatment to be gentle So you can go back to your own you..
A lot of hugs and healing prayers. Elen
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50's girl-So sorry to hear that you have been unwell- those little creeper bacteria will be sent packing very soon and you will feel so much better. Xeloda is tolerable and it is working for so many. I am thinking of you just now- Best, Mary Jane
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Blueshine, a bit of denial going on here too. Pleased to report my dear ladies, a very attentive husband last couple of days. In future, speak up loud and clear to get attention.
50s, sorry to hear things have not been so good. Hope there is a plan. Really appreciate all the advice and sensible words from You all. Sometimes it's easier here than trying to ge a chance to talk to friends that I see almost daily.
I will do my best to get a few good photos. Please everyone, stay well, and as healthy as possible till I come back. Guess I won't be able to meet up, it's a long flight away for me!
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Gracie~ so glad you’re sounding better! Precious friend !
Waving hello to Muddling~ hope you’re well today!
Tanya~ I had to giggle at your comment of getting fat, I swear I look at something and it ends up on my ass or hips. You’re not alone there either.
Lynne~(50’s)~Beautiful woman. I am very sorry to hear you haven’t been feeling too good. There honestly is nothing worse I know. I pray that they will get you back on track and get you stable again. You’re thought of everyday and you are a sister in my heart daily. I am thinking of you. Was honestly starting to worry. 💙 to you. Together we can have broad shoulders to help even the burden. We adore you!
Blueshine~would love to be able to meet. Just wish we all had a time machine and no cancer to limit our travel. What a shit stew we are all dealing with. Up down up down up down.. sigh. I’m so tired.
Minnie~ you go girl. I am happy that you have been heard. You shouldn’t need to explain, but they aren’t mind readers either. Hopefully, he’s seen the light. Adore you special lady!
MJH~Glad to know xeloda is tolerable. I just hope ibrance works for me for many many years to come. And for us all, our medicine is what we have... our hope in a bottle... or infusion. Even that word send me reeling. I cannot have another infusion of anything. I just can’t.
My sinus infection/ head cold is back and so is everyone elses, change of season = colds. Unbelievable already. I’m sick. From one reception, one freaking public outing. I’m so annoyed.
Much love to you ladies !! ~M~
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Thank you all for your encouragement, prayers, and good wishes. I went to the nurse's chemo teach today and learned everything I will ever need to know about Xeloda (haha, if only that were possible.) I will start taking it 7 days on/7 days off as soon as it arrives from the specialty pharmacy. I have been reading page after page on the Xeloda thread. There sure is a ton of info there. It is hard to filter it all to determine what will be most helpful. Today I feel good that this change is happening. I am ready to get back to feeling like myself.
It's been cool here for the past few days. Today it is raining. It will be nice when the sun returns. The leaves are beginning to change on some trees, but Claudia should be greeted by a spectacle of fall colors, especially up in the mountains. Fall is my favorite time of year.
So I have a decision to make. It has nothing to do with MBC. One of my daughters-in-law offered to host Thanksgiving this year. She knows I have been having a rough time lately, and she is being very generous since she works full time, and I do not. She went on to say that they, meaning her, my son, and their children, just want to spend the day with us. They would be willing to come here, if I host. I am torn. Part of me sees this as a wonderful offer that will relieve me from so much work, but another part of me really likes the planning, preparation, and presentation for the day of celebration. Maybe it is time to pass this on. One of my other sons and daughter-in-law hosted Christmas last year. It was the first time I hadn't hosted (except for the year my DH was in the hospital.) Dinner was delicious, of course, and my DH and I had a wonderful time, but part of me was a bit sad. I did supply the pies because everyone said mine taste best. They might have been lying through their teeth, but I soaked it in anyway. I don't expect any answers to my dilemma. I have to sort this all out. Life used to be so simple. Oh, btw, my mother very happily passed the holidays on to me when my children were very young. I think she was quite excited to just relax and enjoy. Lol.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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50’s, I know you’re not expecting answers but I’ll throw my 2 cents in anyway 🙂 As lovely as tradition is, I think when the family household is in their 30’s-40’s with children, they are looking to host, both as a fun event and a duty. In that situation I think grandparents usually come to visit, not because the kids host or cook better but because it’s just their turn. I don’t know, it made sense in my head, lol
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Mae, Your words make perfect sense. Maybe my reluctance stems from the fact that my grandparents always hosted the holidays until they were in their 70s and moved to Florida. Now, perhaps this also relates to my mother's feeling about hosting. Hmmmm, she really did not host holidays for more than a couple years, then I took over. She never really liked to cook. So it appears that I have turned into my grandmother who loved to cook and host rather than my mother. My mind is churning. Interesting.
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4cents checking in. Lynne. Give yourself a break sweet woman. Allow someone else the work and please just sit and observe your family. That is what I had to do at the shower. I had to watch and rest, sometimes we have no choice. If you're feeling up to it, that's different. But I know I'm always saying what I can do and usually when its all said and done, I over do it and regret it. You certainly could bring something. I am thinking you deserve to be pampered my sweet friend. Yes yes you do darling. Gentle sweet hugs as we wait for the xeloda to arrive on your door step. We meaning us here together supporting and loving each other. Much love ~M~
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50sgirl, I am sorry you are having such a rough time. Have they taken you off tamoxifen? How did your onc determine that it wasn't working? Did he perform a blood test to see if your body metabolizes it? I guess some people don't. But everything you described sounded pretty much like the expected (or at least commonly reported) effects of tamoxifen.
As for the Torch of The Flaming Turkey .... pass it on! My mom was one of those die hard, centre of the family moms and we had to go home for family holidays come hell or high water. As the years went by and Hub's parents split, it made all the people who wanted to see us for holidays more and more and it became INSANE trying to get to everyone's house and juggle all these command performances. Then we had a baby and we were lugging her to 4 or 5 different family gatherings every holiday and she would get tired and cranky and catch a cold and then the day came where I slammed my foot down and REFUSED to budge. I told my mom that her days of being the gathering point were OVER. If she wanted to come to my house for Flaming Turkey, come on over, but I was not, under any circumstances, dragging my baby to one more tiring and germ filled family gathering. And god help anyone who so much as grumbled about changing traditions.
My mom showed extreme grace in the situation. I have to hand it to her. She took a big breath and said yes, it made sense to alter the celebration. So I hosted Christmas and Thanksgiving for years. If your DIL has made this offer, take a breather. Ask what you can do. Or tell her. "I am willing to blend up the ever fabulous boiled turnip and parsnip mash that EVERYONE just loves." (no one loves that crap, feed it to the goats!). BUt if there is something you are good at, ask if you can bring it. You are allowed to feel nostalgic and wistful, but maybe a little proud and impressed with the people your inlaws and adult children are. I think this is a great opportunity for you to relax and eat pie. Lots and lots of pie.
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I have changed my Avatar in honor of supporting Patty Peppermint and her struggles and sadly waiting for her to transition without pain and sadness if possible. She is a sweet friend and person. Her two boys. Sending all my strength in her honor. Much love ~M~
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Runor, Thank you for your concern. I stopped taking tamoxifen yesterday. Although some of my symptoms might have been expected, they were far more severe and long-lasting than would be expected. In addition, my TMs increased 900 points in 5 weeks, 1600 in 12 weeks. That is not expected or acceptable for someone whose TMs have historically risen only with progression and never more than a few hundred points. The increase was too high and too lengthly to be explained by tumor flares. My MO examined areas of bone pain, and they correspond to areas of bone mets. He will not be surprised to see progression in my bone scan on Thursday. QOL is important to me because I want to enjoy every moment I have left. My MO is well aware of that. Although he strongly suspects progression, he would have changed my treatment anyway because I was no longer living my life well.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne (50's), I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling well. Hoping that Xeloda works well for you. I blew through 2 lines of treatment in 8 months, I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of that pace. Bone to bone marrow to liver? A/C chemo has worked, I have a PET scan Friday to see where I'm at. MO thought might be diffuse liver mets but no biopsy so not 100%. MRI with special contrast showed cirrhotic or fibrotic liver but no definitive mets. CT scan and ultrasound also showed nothing. PET is the only imaging modality left. I've never had a PET scan so not sure what to expect. I see lots of discussion on these forums regarding whether MRI or PET is better for soft tissue. I'm keeping my fingers crossed I don't light up like a Christmas tree.
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grrifff, Wow, you have been through so much in a short period of time. No wonder you felt sick to your stomach. I am glad that A/C chemo has worked for you. Sometimes they need to bring out the big guns to get results. I have only had one PET. It was more than 2 years ago when possible liver metastases were seen on CT scan. The PET scan was done to confirm. Oddly enough, the report did not include anything about my liver. My MO took one look at the scan and clearly saw the three liver mets that had been seen on the CT scan. Needless to say, that radiologist had to write an addendum his report. For the PET, I remember being taken into a very quiet room and being injected with contrast. The lights were then dimmed, and I sat in the room all alone on a comfortable recliner covered by a nice warm blanket. After 15 to 30 minutes I was taken in for the scan. It does take longer than many other types of scans. If you don't like lying in the machine, just close your eyes and pretend you are at the beach. I think I was told to have no food or water for 6 hours prior to PET. Others have been told to eat reduced carb diet the day before scan. Some people are also asked not to do vigorous exercise for 24 hours before PET. The rules do not seem to be universal. Of course like most scans, don't wear anything with metal.I will be thinking of you on Friday. I hope that instead of lighting up like a Chritmas tree, you receive information that enlightens you about your liver. Let us know how it goes.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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grriffff~Welcome to our thread. It’s nice to see you here. Hope you stay and get to know us and our little Home away from home .
50’s please get some rest and clear your mind. You have been having such a hard time lately. I want nothing then for you to feel like yourself. I certainly wish that I wasn’t able To be apart of the luncheon. I am officially jealous! Hugs to you beautiful lady!
Waving hello to Runor and everyone else. Goodnight ~M~
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50's, I took the Christmas morning gathering when my son was small. I refused to drag him across the miles and miles to see everyone when Santa was still visiting him. My mother kept hosting Thanksgiving until she died but we still had to go to the in-laws' house for round two in the evening. After my mother died I took over Thanksgiving too and my MIL came here when she was able. Later, she got too feeble. Last fall, I wasn't able to host Thanksgiving so our scattered family met at a restaurant. (I was ashamed of this, coming from a long line of serious cooks. ) I had raging MBC symptoms but did not have any idea at the time. This year? I'm going to try to skip the whole thing, Thanksgiving and Christmas. There isn't a younger generation to hand off to. My son is single, in a small apartment hundreds of miles away, sister also hundreds of miles away, father lost to dementia and physically hundreds of miles away, stepdad two counties over and BIL hundreds of miles away in the other direction, not a single niece or nephew. This long story is to say...take your son and daughter-in-law's invitation to host the family, cook your favorite dish to take, and revel in having your dear ones around you! Concentrate on how proud you are that they have made their home and have the wonderful hospitality to open it to everyone. My two cents, LOL.
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50's. So glad you are off that Tamoxifen! Who would have thought you would have such horrible SE on such an old pill! That just goes to prove that we all react differently to each med. I'm famous for doing that, if there's a one percent chance I will have it!
But, now to the next step. As you know, i just went through a big scare. My doc does not do TM so I did not have that info. Just Liver MRI not showing what PET showed. It's all so disconcerting. In reality, I'm going with my instincts and knowledge on this. If my MO and 3 radiologists can't come to a conclusion, what else am I supposed to do? It's enough to make a person crazy.
For you I hope your new med takes away the pain. I know personally how painful bone Mets are. Mine were in my C3 area. Sometimes I could barely hold my head up. When do you have your bone scan? That will be the definitive test for progression, right? You won't have to have a BX, correct? I'll be praying for no progression but if there is, you have a plan.
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waving hello to Muddling. I always had the dinners and etc. until half of my family and I no longer talked. It made it a heck of a lot easier. Going from cooking for 16 down to 8 I'll take it! No one ever is ever pleased anyway, if I could have paid people to do it. I would have. They didn't deserve it anyway. Love your avatar! Sisters unite for Patty!
Grannax~ I thought of you this week when I yet again came down with another sinus infection. I am positive now ibrance makes them. One little ioata of a germ and it runs rampid. Super hard to keep that from happening. My DH has the head cold going on also. We are pathetic! I am glad you're staying the course. I think you and I are on the same month as ibrance. I'm starting 22 end of next week! Hope it keeps working!
Hello Mae!!!! Finale night tonight Big brother I still don't know who won last HOH, I'm saving it for tonight to watch them together! Go Tyler ! Angela is absolutely gorgeous. I just read that Cody and Jessica from last season are having baby and are getting married. They are adorable! Love isn't it great?!
Love to all~M~
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Yep, I'm sure it's Ibrance. I've been off for over a month, no sinus infections. That seems like proof to me.
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I'm so sorry to hear about Patty.
50's I've been reading your posts since I came on this site. I read about your recent developments and pray that the new treatment works and you get back to traveling with your DH. Thanksgiving traditions are broken in my family now. My GM always did it. My mom couldn't cook well so all the daughters did potluck. It became less desirable as our families grew. I moved 100s of miles away and don't travel to do holidays pretty much. I used to be the main person cooking and I got tired of it. I do love it but physically can't do all the fanfare anymore. Pass the torch if you can.
Griff I hope your PET is easy and calm/no lights. I take an anti anxiety pill before the test. Since I got older I find it harder to be in closed off machines. I take it 1/2 hour before the test. They do put an IV in with the readioactive sugar. You have to fast the night before but I think that at a certain time you stop eating. The Dr prescribing test should give you an instruction form but you can google it. All the best. It's really easier than an MRI because there's no noise. Right ladies?
Muddling thanks for your 2 cents.
Minnie have a wonderful trip.
Micmel that sinus infection is brutal. I started doing the alternative treatment that you shared. CBD? I feel less anxiety for sure. It also puts me to sleep which is a good thing. Please let me know anything about Patty P.
Runor you always write such beautiful messages.
Grannax these diagnoses and tests and this whole process makes us all crazy.
Mae I see the PT doctor tomorrow.
Have a good evening all.
Tanya
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Tanya~ I am so glad darling that the Cbd is helping. It really does work wonders. I have talked to the people at the dispensary about it. It's really helping people. It makes me smile to know that things can actually help people! I think it should be part of the cancer treatment period!
Gracie~ I agree about the sinus infections and it annoys the heck out of me, I was already susceptible to them even before cancer came a stalking around for me. I feel better knowing the majority agrees.
I have been reading Patty's thread everyday and mominator has been keeping us filled in. Which we are so thankful for. Not knowing would be torture even more if that is possible!
Love you guys! ~M~
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Gracie i’m glad that the lump was nothing! i can imagine how hard it was to wait and we always think the worst.
50s- i’m sorry that you’ve been sick. praying that the new tx works and allows you to live life again. i know how your feeling about the holiday tradition of cooking because last year i cooked and my daughter helped me for the first time (it was so nice) but all i kept thinking is this may be my last year doing this. very emotional. i agree with everyone else. enjoy the day with family.
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I am so broken today. My sweet friend Patty Peppermint passed away yesterday at 1:30.pm. She had been in living in limbo for a little while in hospice. I'm just devastated. Every loss gets so much harder I just don't know what to do. I can't help... she lived far away. She was such a sweet sweet person. I just can't believe that' cancer has taken another away from us. 💔💔💔💔💔😪 lost just plain lost! ~M~ Keetmom.... now Patty .. Robin...: why??????
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Micmel, many years ago a young firefighter was killed here in the line of duty. He was given the full honour burial. This tiny town was full to the brim with firefighters and fire engines from this province and beyond. In full regalia they marched through our streets. Row after row of straight backed firefighters. Rumbling engines on low idle rolled down the road. Every citizen that our streets and sidewalks could hold lined the procession. Time stopped. It hung suspended as this great mass of solemn humanity moved by with the fallen man at the front, his casket high on a fire truck. Except for the stomp of feet and murmur of engines, it was silent. All those people, all those worn and hurting hearts, full costume, miles of marching, tears, in silence.
I hear the passing of our members here with the silent, heavy heart that tragedy brings. I can do nothing more than stand as witness and say to those left, I see your pain. I see your loss. I see the hurt coming your way. I see the agony you've already endured. I see it. I see it. I hope a higher power has the healing that my own useless hands lack. I stand mute in the face of something bigger than me, bigger than all of us. Silence and attendance, being there in spirit and recognition, these losses stop me. My honour to those taken is in being silently still. It is time for me to be silent and still in the memory of Patty and in honour of those who loved her and continue to hurt. Hugs to you all.
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Thank you for seeing, runor. I see your surgery, radiation, medicines and know some of your path. Even for those of us who make a lot of noise (me!), it's silent where it matters, inside, when we go to the clinic, the scans, the pharmacy, swallow the pills, lie awake, hurt, are afraid. It's a respectful vigil when one of us moves to hospice and then beyond what we can understand.
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muddling~ beautifully said. Honest and full of truth. Thank you. That was very very true and hit home strongly.
Runor ~ Always good to see you. Always
Much love ~M~
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Rest in peace Patty. Praying for you and your family.
Tanya
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Hi Tanya~Always nice to see you here beautiful! I love and need being surrounded by friends. Especially today... brings all the Rawness right back from other losses. Keetmom, Khandy,Ebru,LindaE, raewyn, and my mind is too upset to even think. I know I have missed some more. No wonder I worry when I don't see people around. I worry because I care. I only go to very little other threads... Patty's was one. Everyday, because we were friends And I loved her. We played the twowords game together. My two words now are : rest sister. ❤️💔🤲. Love you all. RIP our beautiful Patty.....
Gracie~ Thrilled that it was nothing. So glad. Hugs sweet lady
Hi Holmes~Hope all is well for you today! Hugs
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I really needed this smile. I just noticed that my Deeohgee is sleeping happily under the bed and I looked down and saw his legs sticking out it made me laugh. And boy did i need it lol love to all. Haven’t seen lynnwood~ thinking of you!
Much love ~M~
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