My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Gracie~Hello darling. I meant to ask if it on the same side as your lymphodema.. sometimes the fluid can travel into the trunk of your body area. Is this this side you lay on? Is the lump hard of softer? I hope that onc says oh it's a huge pimple let's pop it!! Like doctor pimple poppers. Gross ass show!! Thinking of you Gracie
Grannax~I can imagine the phrase no place like Home comesfrom someone who speaks the truth. Nothing like home is a feeling. A relief, our own little sanctuary away from the miserable world sometimes. Hopefully you'll get some good rest with your kitty! And great job for your granddaughter! Unreal last month she was worrying. So happy she's obviously settled in quite nicely. How adorable is that!!
Waving hello to muddling. I bet you are a fabulous teacher.! I remember when my kids were in high school, they had a biology teacher who had breast cancer and she came in everyday with her beautiful scarves and hardly ever took off. Luckily she wasn't stage four, but that was the first time my kids saw it up close. I still believe they are floating in the river of denial. Anyone have directions? I need to go there and float awhile. Now I'm getting a cold. Yet again. That's what I got from having a good time at the reception! The fall season cold. I just got over a sinus infection! Ugh! Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I wish I could find that river too. I'd just stay in it.
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Muddling~Um good point. Why leave? Can we bring a guest?
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wow, Grannax, that's an experience!! Ok once in a while, not too often please.
Micmel, thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I feel I am a burden in this relationship. I cannot walk very well, and patience is not a strong point in DH. However, I am strong willed, I will find a way
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Minnie~Honey.... I always say that I am the hole in the bucket...when I say that, he gets upset. He tells me that he wants every second he can possibly have taking care of me. I always hated People doing things for me... I always was the one doing things. YOU are not a burden sweetheart. You do more things in one month, than I have in an entire year. I don't walk long periods of time at all..I have damage in my spine even though i am considered Nead, can't sit for long or stand for long. You're amazing. Completely and thoroughly! Much love ~M~
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Minnie, I feel I am a burden to my DH. Mine is very patient and takes good care of me but I don't want him remembering me that way, as a drain on him which with all the goodwill in the world is exactly what I am. It is so unfair to him. Not sure what I can do about it at this time. I just tell him I'm sorry and try very hard to do everything I possibly can even when it's a struggle.
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Muddling~ we are all important to those we love. They can’t help it. I try to remember I didn’t invite this demon into my life and sure as heck didn’t want my life to implode. I would never want Only good things for my DH, I just wish that we weren’t so young. I don’t ever want him to hurt ever. He informs me he doesn’t want to live 20+ years without me. I am sure all the DHs surely feel they same way, they just hide it better I am sure. I am always vocal, he is my world and i adore him. I just would rather spare him any pain emotional sadness sometimes is worse than the actual pain. They are helpless as they watch this cancer break not only our spirit, but our life as we know it. And life as they knew it. Hugs my friends. And one day at a time, is all
We can do or offer at this point. Love you ladies. Support here is endless and I need that much love ~M~
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Muddling, I felt the same only about my children. I told them in a conversation that I would not allow them to take care of me, to be out in that position! Then my son looked at me and said "But Mom, what if we want to take care of you?". That sentence changed the way I looked at the whole situation. I'm sure husband's ( ok, I realize there are some who don't fit in this conversation), feel the same way. I'm sure your husband feels like he really wants to take care of you. I took care of my Mom for the last two years of her life, and took care of my husband the last year of his life, and took care of my brother for two years while he lost half of his jaw to stage four cancer. It was not ever easy, but I wouldn't EVER change one second of any of it. I loved them.
Ok, good news!!!!! That on my rib is nothing my on c says! Looks like it could be a little reaction to something I've come in contact with. He said forget it, it's nothing. My tumor markers fell by about 50% again, down to 88. The other one is within completely normal limits!!!!! Wahoo!!!!!! Scans in three weeks, just to see what if anything is active and stay in the Abraxane!!!!!
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GracieM2007, woohoo indeed! Good news all around!
Yes, my DH wants to take care of me and I know I'm lucky. It still makes me mad that he has to, and that this is how he'll remember me. I guess that's the human condition and nothing much I can or will do about it now. Thank you for your good perspective.
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I told DH when he was “milking” my surgical drains, that I never want him to feel like more of a nurse than a husband. He replied, “when I married you, I signed up for all of it”. I feel the same way and lucky to have such a good guy.
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Hi gals!
Gracie-glad the lump is a nothing! Yay! Sounds as though Abraxane is doing the trick-thank goodness!
Grannax-looks like a wonderful vacation! Thank you for the photos. I read that you will be choosing to stay on the Ibrance; I'm with you-stay on what works until proven otherwise. My Dad was a lover of fried oysters also!
Minnie and Runor- I was walking with DH this morning and we passed the home of one of our middle daughters' peers. We had heard that she was recently divorced. I think the guy was a bit of a loser and I said to him, "I don't just settle! I go for the prime cuts!" After he puffed his chest out from the compliment he said, "Yeah, but as we age we get tough to chew!" Ain't that the truth! Marriage is a tough prospect. i find it challenging to keep connected. DH and I have been through some very "dividing things". We have a strong relationship, but can be fiercely independent. It's so different from the early days.
Jeez- i have to leave for a dinner engagement, but I want to write more to everyone-I'll be back!
Love and hugs, Mary Jane
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Gracie~~So very very happy for your news. I was hoping so much that since the ct scan didn't show anything brewing! I'm thrilled your tumor markers are down so much. I am saying hello to everyone. I wanted to share something that I honestly have never even seen before like seriously???????????
......I mean there are people out there would love to have a baby and actually watch them. I know it's still being investigated and very well may not be the parents fault in anyway....but how sad this makes me seeing this poor child. Clearly someone wasn't watching. No words really! Hugs ~M~
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Micmel, Runor, Muddling I do my best, and today I had a bit of a blow up and said how I was feeling, and that things could get a lot worse and I felt he wouldn't cope when that time came and he would want out. I think I stunned him. He didn't realise I felt so upset. We are communicating, I will be Cruising, but I am taking no Sh1t. He is a good man most of the time, but thoughtless. His family were not a normal loving family. I know I am making excuses but anyway! Mary Jane, you are right, marriage is a long path and not always on level ground! Illimae, you got a goodun!! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade eh girls?
Love you all, I can tell you anything. Thank you x
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Minnie~I think speaking up is very important. Who needs to battle these demons and worry and stress about your immediate family. Trust me I know..I just spent a lot of time repairing something in my heart. With my DD and SIL. I was so hurt and I am glad we took the time to talk and I haven't wanted to look back. I think being honest makes sure everything is out on the table, nothing to form excuses from. Either they suck or they don't. Plain and simple. It's just if they care enough to listen and or are capable of changing so late in life or at least meeting half way..... you enjoy your cruise beautiful and catch some sunsets or sunrises for us. Love you!!! ~M~
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Minnie, I agree with Micmel that you can’t keep things inside and sometimes you just have to speak out. I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time. I wish I could say I understand but I’m not walking in your shoes, so can only say I hear what you are saying and I wish there were some way I could help. I can keep you in my prayers though nd will definitely do that! Sending you big hugs and hoping he gets better at being there for you, and being the guy you need him to be!
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Muddling, I nodded when I read your post that you tell your Hub you're sorry for all this. After the surgeon said the words "it's cancer," I looked at my Hub sitting beside me and said, "I'm sorry. I am sorry I am bringing this into our lives. I am so sorry." My first response was to apologize. Your feelings makes sense to me.
Gracie, Great News! (insert happy dance here)
MJ, glad to hear you married a prime cut! If you're in the supermarket, go home with the good stuff!
Micmel, I am coming over to hang out with you in your new room and we can talk about stuff. Put the coffee on! Hugs to all!
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Back this morning after a great dinner with friends last night.
It was a gorgeous, crisp September day here yesterday. We went on our walk and then worked outside some; I mowed grass and fooled with some fading summer flower pots. We picked about a gazillion tomatoes; giving many away to friends and neighbors. We had a Capresi salad for lunch-the gorgeous tomatoes with olive oil, basil, fresh mozarella and thinly sliced salami and cappacola-soooo good! You are all invited for lunch today! How about we add Chianti, focaccia bread with olive oil, olives, and gelato?
Anyone heard how Magda is doing?
Tanya- how are you, dear one?
Lynne(Man)-tell me what kind of car that that cow of a secretary drives and I will come fill it with rotten avocados! Jeez-louise. Very much looking forward to seeing you on Oct. 3rd! Hope you are tolerating the new treatment regime.
Lynne(50's) -How are you sweet lady? Tamoxifen? Going OK?
Bighome-have you been to New England before? I think you will enjoy it! When do you set out?
Micmel-are you still in recovery mode from that wonderful reception? I'm delighted that you enjoyed it so much! Love the photos of your sweet pups as well!
Mae-sounds as though you are a little restless in retirement; knowing you, you will fill the gaps with really cool activities. it took me a while to realize that I could slow down, read books, nap,etc. I have not been a sit around type of person in my life, but I became accustomed pretty quickly. Also-my nine year old grandson keeps me hoppin'. Have fun planning the holiday party with work DH!
The loss of Princess P was a punch in the gut. Naturally makes one wonder "when will it be me?". We really do need to try to live in the present and beat back the fear of what may lay ahead. Her DH and family must be numb and reeling.
Hello to Muddling, Holmes, and all of you other dear MBC sisters- love you much-MJH
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Hi girls! I was only reading the last days, but now I will join the conversation about our DH. Minnie, my husband is the complete opposite of yours, but I can understand very well. We've been married for more than 30 years, and before him I had a boyfriend that I thought I loved. If he became my husband , in a situation like now he would find the way out at the beginning. I am really lucky with my DH. He is like a soldier, he would never live me, no matter what, but founded the way to cope with the emotional pain - complit denial. He believes that miracle will happen and I will be healed. He is saying he likes to put his head in the sand. People are different and the best for us is to accept our husbands and partners the way they are and be ready for everything - if they leave, let them go, we'll find the way to continue. One thing is sure for me, no one can understand how we feel, unless the same happens to them And I don't expect them to get it. That's why our connection here is precious, its lifesaver for me! Minnie, enjoy your cruise and don't worry about nothing! Everything will be jast fine.
Gracie, I am happy that you had a false alarm. It feels sooo good to hear grait news!
Hi to Muddling, Grannax, MicMel, Mae, Runor, an everybody else here! I am glad to have you, even if I don't know you personally, it's a very special connection! Love you. Elena
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Mary Jane, nothing is better than good friends chatting and tasty food . I miss my friends when we moved to be close to my doughter and the baby. But you can't have everything in life, right?
Love. Elen
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Gracie~ Hi honey, still thrilled about your news. We need news like this. With Patty literally shutting down as I type my heart is already very batterd because of Robin and Keetmom... now this PP? I don't know how Patty fought as long and hard as she did. You women are amazingly strong never forget that. Abraxane powers activate (Mae)
Runor~You have no idea how much I would love that. Chelle and I are talking about a possible visit soon. I would feel so special to meet you ladies. What an honor that would be... not to mention this history we are building here together is priceless! I adore you all so much.
MJH~ You go girl. The lawn, I used to love to cut the lawn. I could still do it but DH insists no. Especially since I am alone a lot. I'm impressed. And yummy capresee (spelling) salad fresh like that sounds heavenly. Can you ship some down here please ? Nothing like home grown tomatoes. Delicious 😋.
Raining again. Another snuggly day on tap. But I have to get dog food ! Good grief at that!
But they gotta eat too!
Love you guys, Tanya? You ok darling.
I have been looking for Magda. Have not seen her. I am going to look around a bit. I've been thinking of her as well!
Holmes, Daywalker,Hobbes, GP,Miss Bianca, footprints angel...Mae......Divine...muddling...weather rain too??.Minnie you beauty you! Grannax... hope you're resting from your vacay! Bigbhome~ NE trip..... outstandingly jealous!! Hope you're doing good and DH. Love you and miss you. Around. 💙 Iwrite.... precious new grandbaby avatar!! Magda Magda Magda...the Lynne's 😊
😊....Blueshine....Pots.....SheliaMarie... hope your pain is better .Parry.. haven't seen you either lately ! JKL~ Hello darling. Hugs to you too!! The other sister I haven't seen is Zarovka at all,when I checked it was like August 13 or 23 something that long ago. Any word?
Love you all~M~
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Mae~Have you been watching Big brother?? I am on my second to last episode and I am so wanting Tyler to win. Finale is Wed!Although I have to say KC is a beast. And she does deserve to win. JC. Uh no! He said only won one competition all season. It's been another great season.!! Since I know you're a tv person like me. I remembered last year that you liked Paul and thought he should have won, as I did!! Hugs hugs~M~
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runor, when my DH and I met, it was before practically everyone on my mother's side and many on my father's side were diagnosed with and died from various forms of cancer. I'm not sure I would have gotten married if I had known. But I did and as you said I brought this into our lives. It wasn't my fault, exactly, but it was through me. It's hard to let that go but I'm trying to. It won't help and here we are.
MJHJAN1014, looking forward to lunch, LOL. Sounds yummy! It would be fun to really come over but it's good we all get to visit here.
Hi Blueshine! Waving hello to everyone. It's cloudy, misty, and cool today. A good day to rest. I wish I could nap but I have never been able to!
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Gracie, sorry I missed your good news.
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Hi ladies, I have idea. I love to meet you all personally, it would be awesome. So who's open for this, can write the city and the state where lives. I'll start with me: Columbus, Ohio. I'll give you address and cel. I always wanted to visit some places, but if we can combine it with a priceless get together, it would be very exciting..
Love and healing prayers. Elena
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micmel, yes, I’ve been watching and am excited. I think Tyler will win, if not, then Kaycee but absolutely not JC.
As for Z, I believe she is still taking a BCO break to focus on family but I know how you feel, I wish she’d check in too ☹️
Oh and we all say dumb things sometimes, recently I was fussing about something and DH said that I have nothing to complain about in life, lol, ummmm... terminal illness. But I love that we can forget about it on occasion.
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I haven't posted much lately, and I have a lot to catch up on. It will take me a while to read through posts. I have lots of updates of my own, too.
I want to add something to the DH/caregiver conversation. My DH pretends he is in denial, but just this morning I saw tears in his eyes. Of course, he said it was just watery eyes. He does hope that some miracle cure will be found, but don't we all have some of that dream too? He is actually very attentive and sweet and gives me the support I need. It makes me feel guilty, but what can I do? Our roles were reversed a few years ago when he was diagnosed with stage three kidney cancer just 6 months after my MBC diagnosis. His was a very complicated case. He underwent a very long surgery, several stays in ICU, and innumerable complications over the course of several months. I was with him every day during his months in the hospital, acting as his advocate and voice when he was too sick to speak for himself. After four months, when he was finally "free" from the hospital, he was weak, 50 pounds lighter, and had to work back up to eating normal food and even walking without effort. I took care of him and do not regret a single minute of it. It was not a burden. I did not wish that someone would come and take my place. I suspect that many of our caregivers feel the same way. He has a high risk of recurrence. The 5 year survival rate for stage three is 52%. Chemo and radiation do not work against kidney cancer, so it's surgery and then surveillance or clinical trial. His onc just wanted him to live his life and feel good so recommended against a trial. Little did he know that my DH would have declined a trial anyway because he was tired of feeling sick. He continues to have scans, and I am a nervous wreck every time, much more than about mine. He, on the other hand, is cool as a cucumber.
I will post an update about what's been going on with me soon.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Much has happened to me since I started on tamoxifen 3 months ago. What I expected to be a piece of cake, turned out to be a rocky road. I experienced bone pain almost daily. At first we thought it was tumor flare, but when it continued, that theory fell by the wayside. Everything came to a head yesterday when I met with my MO. I described all my symptoms since my visit with him 6 weeks earlier - bone pain, loss of energy, dismissed appetite (I did lose 10 pounds, and wasn't upset about that loss), nausea, and severe night sweats. I have not felt good for 2 1/2 months. Saturday, for the first time since my diagnosis (other than by family member), I was asked if I was feeling okay because I looked pale. It was a tough moment for me. Anyway, my MO added to the appointment conversation by telling me that my temp was 100.7, and my heart was racing. My CT showed stability in soft tissue, but my CA 27.29 had risen 900 points to 2495 in just five weeks. My MO told me that tamoxifen is not working. He suspects by bone mets have reactivated, but with all my symptoms it is time to move on anyway. Things moved quickly from there. I had a urinalysis and chest X-ray yesterday, an appointment for Xeloda Teach session set up for this afternoon, an appointment for a bone scan scheduled forThursday, and a follow-up with MO in three weeks. My appointment was at 1:30, and by 4:00 I had collapsed on the couch in my family room. I started on an antibiotic for a UTI this morning. Weird because other than the fever, I had no symptoms of a UTI.
I apologize for not posting or even following up on things lately. Lynne, MJ, and Claudia, I am determined to be much better for next week's lunch. I want nothing more than to feel like myself again when I see you.
I will check in again later.
Oops, almost forgot. Lynne, I didn't see Stephanie yesterday. If I see her today, I will give her the evil eye for you
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Hi Ladies and Daniel
Just here in Tampa getting fat. Big eating weekend weddings and houseguests. Now I’m getting my shots infusion blood work. Thank God all is stable.
Will write more later.
Tanya
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We just want you all to know we are thinking of you! And YES, we'd love to see a meet up of our amazing people here!
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Sorry to hear this 50’s. Your MO has a plan moving forward, correct?
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