My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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ok ladies... Getting cincerned! I've had a lump in the front of my right ribs, about as big around as my fist ( not sticking out that far, but just a little bit) for quite a few months now. It's just kind o of been therr. Didn't hurt, nothing. About three weeks ago all of the skin over this lump turned red. It's been red since. Showed the nurse at chemo, she had no idea but didn't think it looked like something we needed to worry about, just said show the onc when I see him. Well I see him on Monday and am getting worried. How could that be anything with my tumor markers going down and it didn't show up on any scans before I started abraxane, and it was already there! Any thoughts?
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Gracie. That is just weird. I wonder if an ultrasound would show what it is. And why is it just turned red in that area is a puzzle for sure. What scans in that area have you had recently? Is it bumpy like a rash or warm like a skin infection? Mark the area and see if the redness spreads. If it does and you get a high fever go to ER.
Let us know what you find out on Monday.
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Me and my DD. We got photo bombed! H0 -
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Homemade Jam from the Wye Mill. The mill is still in use after 400 years. DD bought flour for bread. I got Christmas Jam. It’s a mixture of cranberries and strawberries. Yu
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We were getting a little grumpy yesterday but found out the owners of this store were way more grumpy 😡 than we were. Yike0 -
This
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Grannax~you look awesome and so does your DD hanging out with Mom. I am so happy your vacation wasn’t effected by this hurricane, I just hope the waters recede completely and allow people to see their homes safely. My heart goes out to those for sure. The boat ride looks peaceful. I want some apple butter!!
Gracie ~ Now you have got me wondering what it could be. I’m goin to keep reading. I’ll report back! Hugs my friend. Any scans would have picked up anything nefarious in regards to lump forming. I’m thinking infection? But I’m reading up on it !
Love you all.
Waving hello to muddling!!
Hello Tanya
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Grannax, you look wonderful!!! And what fun that looks like!!!
I did mark around it, it hasn’t changed shape at all. And it’s red like feverish, no rash at all. Before I started Abraxane I had a ct scan, a pet scan and a bone scan, and nothing is mentioned about it. I’m baffled
Micmel, if you find anything let me know. I’m looking too.
Will let you all know after my appointment Monday.
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Grannax, wonderful pictures!
Gracie, hope that red place goes away!
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I had an adhesion that started to get red and pulled at my skin and became quite painful, I think it was total (two spots) around that size. I also had fat necrosis and that was also red and hot. There is also an oil cyst depending on how moveable it is. I completely felt the the same way, when these three things appeared, but was reassured that with all the scans and testing, anything forming would have shown up and I am willing to think your issue would fit into this as well! I'll keep reading and I have put a text Into my onc nurse friend. I'll let you know. Try to relax. I think something that size would have been seen at its early on set with all of our testing we go through! Hugs to all! ~M~
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lol @ Grannax’s photobomb. That young waiter dude moving in on your pic. Lol. Too funny!
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muddling~Where did you get your foundation one testing done? I have heard quite a few women have that done and I was wondering what the benefits of having that done are.My onc has never mentioned it. I have had Braca one testing done. But thats about it. I was just wondering. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Many hugs. Much love ~M~
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lovely Pots. Poetry can be so wonderful at expressing feelings.
Have a great weekend folks. I have the house to myself for a while. What a relief!
As a wise person once said, visitors are like fish. They go off after three days
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Good Morning lovely ladies,
This time last week, the entire clan was ironing and decorating and I was centerpiece making and my DH and DSS saved the day! All they did and everything they helped me with is so special to me. I still look at the pics and can't believe it's over all the planning. Woooshhh our the door.
Pots~ I love your poem I enjoy poetry so much, when there is no other way to express your feelings some times, like a song with no music. Thank you for sharing !
Divine...Magda.....Elle....Shelia ....Tanya.... Grannax..Enjoy the rest of your vacation. Looks wonderful! Minnie... rest up after your guests have gone. Time for Minnie's rest! Daniel and Leslie......Mae...Pots....GP....(as always thinking of Robin And Keetmom)😞😞 miss Bianaca..... Runor... JKL...The Lynne's....MJH.... Bigbhome...Chelle....Nan....Iwrite...Gracie: thinking about you my gf. 🌷🌷 hugs to you! Muddling~ Hope your weekend is better weather wise, this weekend. We just got lucky up here. The reception could have been a lot worse had the weather not been so wonderful. I am thankful that I was able to have it be my vision , even happier that I had the chance to experience that with DD.and SIL. Letting all the bad go. And replacing it with only good.
Daywalker.... Hello.... schwilly.... hope you're feeling better. Cloudy this morning. I may go back to bed. Much love to all ~M~RIP sweet PP.
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Micmel, I just told my oncologist that I wanted genetic testing for the tumor. I guess my clinic uses them because I didn't specify. I just wanted to know if there was anything urgent for my sister to know about.
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Pots-beautiful poem
Blueshine-Love the pics. Your grandson is very cute.
Grannax-Loving your vacation pics! Looks like you are having a great time!
Minnie-Enjoy the quiet!
Gracie-Hoping the red spot is something easy to fix. Hugs!
Claudia-I can't wait for our get together either!
Had my oncologist/blood work appointment yesterday. Of course my white cells were low, but not neutropenic. I had a dental appointment on Wed, and they wouldn't clean my teeth, because this was my low white cell week. They rescheduled it for Tues at 8am (I'm usually waking up at that time, UGH!), and they wanted the oncologist to send my blood work results to them. I already told the dentist, they would be low, but always come back up by Thursday, when I have my chemo. We'll see what happens. I'll just live with dirty teeth forever I guess. I went to make all my appointments on my way out, of course I get the one that gives me a hard time again, Stephanie. She said that I already had an appointment for my chemo. I said that she told me 2 weeks ago, that I couldn't make one. She said it was made and I asked why nobody calls me when they do that, this is the 3rd time they've made appointments, without calling me, and seeing if I could make it for that time and day. Well they made the chemo appointment for 2:45pm. The last one was at 12:45 and I didn't get out of there until 4:15 (they close at 4:30). She spoke with my oncologist, and yes I needed more time than that, so she said she'd have to switch me with someone, and would call me. The call never happened. I called at 4:15 and asked if it was rescheduled. The girl I got was only in her second week there and said my appointment was for 12:30. I told her they changed it, and had wished someone had called me. She said you can look it up on the patient portal. How would I know, that it was changed? Do I have to look at it every half hour of the day. They never call. I asked her to put on my chart to call me. She told me there wasn't a place for that. Yes, once again, the office people there (mostly Stephanie) are really teeing me off. At least I have all my appointment schedule through November 16th (we are gone on vacation for 2 weeks in October, can't wait!), and I won't have to deal with them for awhile. My ct/bone scans are scheduled too.
The sun has finally arrived her today, but windy and cool. We are closing the pool today, and opening the hot tub (too expensive for electric to run both in the summer with the a/c too). I went in for my last dip (and the 3 grands too, no other adults!) on Sunday. It was 70 degrees. Only reason I went in is because our youngest grandchild Aiden, wanted Nana in the pool with him. I got in, and guess what he got out 5 minutes later. I picked up all the rings and torpedos on the bottom of the pool, and got out. At least I can say I was the last one in this year! LOL
Well, I better shower and dress before the husband gets home from his errands, so I can start packing up the toys, chairs, table, rug, etc from the pool.
Have a great day everyone!
Lynne
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Gracie-I have read of others with the same "lumps" you are describing. I think there is a thread about it. I don't recall any of the lumps being anything dangerous. Best, Mary Jane
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grannax you look beautiful!!! i’m glad you got to go on your vacation.
gracie- it sounds like some bumps that i have gotten but yours has been around longer. could it be cellulitis? i am thinking like micmel. if it were cancerous it would have showed in your scans. this damn cancer can never let us have moments of normalcy!!!
micmel how are you feeling a week later? you guys look like you had a blast!!!
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Holmes~I am just recovering slightly! I am realizing that having that all to do was good for my mind. It gave me something to plan, something to do. Something that held strong meaning to me. I enjoyed the creative part of things and it helped my mental state. I know they keep telling me I am Nead. That day I certainly felt like it. Good to see you beautiful! This time last weekend we were dancing up a storm. It was just so much fun! Our DJ was awesome and I really liked him. He played good music and everyone complimented him. I really want to re live it all over again! Hope you're doing well.
Waving hello to MJH!
Gracie~ I agree cellulites is a good possibility! Is it on the same side as your lymphodema? Mine has been yelling at me quite a bit since I went back into my regular bed. I hope you're ok darling.
Lynne(Man)~ sure sounds like you have this reoccurring issue with your scheduling people at your doctors. That is almost as annoying. As the fact we have to go at ALL. Grrrrrr it was way cooler outside today. That would have even been better with a nice breeze and 65 degrees. But I am so thankful it didn't rain on us! Thank goodness enjoy your Saturday evening. Much love ~M~
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The black, rainy sky and cool temps suited my mood today, which was very down. There has been some marital unhappiness here lately. Forever, really. Hub and I have never had an easy marriage. We like each other. I think. But dear god there are days I think we bloody well shouldn't be living together!
We are driving down the highway, not speaking, when he says. "I was just thinking about the day the surgeon told us it was cancer. I remember that feeling. And it surprised me how quickly that feeling went away and life got back to normal."
I looked at him. I had no words. But his words hung in the air like suspended ice: Life Got Back To Normal.
We are worlds apart. A universe exists in that statement. All the problems in our marriage are in that. What, in god's name, has been normal since that day? NOTHING! But Hub lives happiest when his head is in the sand. He copes by denying reality even as it beats him in the face. But there is a price to be paid for that sort of refusal to dance with the truth. And I have paid it. It sounds pathetic and whiney to say I've been unsupported, but I think largely I have. A person who does not acknowledge that for you, everything has changed, a person who will not attempt to empathize and imagine that because it is too inconvenient for them, there is no way that person can support you. No way. It's one thing when friends say to me," I can't imagine how you feel", because that tells me they have tried and found it too colossal to grasp. But it is something entirely different when someone says, directly or otherwise, that they don't want to imagine it, quit thinking about it, quickly went back to normal.
This is not about not liking my husband. Generally I do like my husband. This is about why this site has become something of critical importance. Here, we know. We know. We know that life is not back to normal. Not even a new normal. I think it's more truthful for me to say I am learning to live with the EEWWWW Normal. It's not new, it's gross. And ugly. And terrifying. And painful. And deforming. And there like a big, dead moose on the windshield. It's all I see. Everything I do is done in spite of it, around it, juggling it, ignoring it, giving in to it, defying it, crying in the dark, quiet hours. Here, everyone gets that. My husband doesn't. I can't expect him to. But I didn't expect him to march on so blithely, leaving me alone to deal with a life that will never be the same again.
I have many interests in life and post on many forums related to those interests. Some forums have come and gone as my life takes different directions. There is something about this site though, and in particular this thread, that has become a necessity for me. I think being isolated with breast cancer would be the worst hell. Not having the companionship of anyone else who 'gets it'. I think I will always need to reach my hand out and touch someone who does not flinch away from this gift that was given and we can't ungive. We can't cure or heal each other. But we are a welcoming committee for each other. Today in the truck, I gaped at him in dumb awe at his words and thought, thank god for those women. THANK GOD. I just wanted you all to know that.
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Runor, I am sorry to say my situation is just like yours. My DH has his head in Head in the sand where cancer is concerned. I firmly believe that he thinks that one day the Oncologist will pat my hand and say, that's it, you are all clear. Go on and live a happy life!! Like you, I do love him, and he has many good points,but it is impossible to explain. He even tells me about some poor people with the BIG C. How I hate that reference. Our friends think he is wonderful. He is a slob at home. I pick up after him constantly, otherwise my house would be a tip. This is also my release, so know you are not alone. Our Cruise next week could,be like 2 trips, while I do what I can, and rest in between, he will be Mr Entertainment, cummbarfly bar flirt. Rant over. Thank God for You all, I agree, the strangers I love more than you know
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I hope you find a way to have a good trip anyway, Minnie. I don't know how, but if you can think of a way to enjoy it, then enjoy it.
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Runor💗💗~We all have that person who just enjoys sand diving with their heads.
For me it isn't my DH, he gets its. He knows. The kids are my feat... well now particularly my son. He's too comfortable, isn't interested in a girl yet, since the one he did love broke his heart and the other precious angel was murdered. Still don't know anything else about that then the reports from June when it happened. I think he's scared to trust anyone again. Can you blame him? I mean we make these relationships love people and then sometimes they turn and even though they live under the same roof, they couldn't be farther from reality sometimes. This is another reason why I started this thread. We need each other. We need that shaking of the head and grasp of a hand with a knowing smile and a head shake of sheer understanding. Wether it be a DH , a child , or even a parent. They just don't understand, or they pretend not too. Maybe the statement Minnie mentioned about patting our hands and saying it's all done for us. Is something they deeply want for us.... so they cling to it. My mom refuses to even listen about it, she gets quiet and I hear her chest going. She's terrified. I'm terrified. But no one wants to discuss what is terrifying us. The butcher in the corner with shiny blade and sickle, oh pay no attention to him. He comes for everyone. Yeah.... but not at age 48.. I think or 49 or 50 or 51 or 52...... and......65 and etc..... and etc... its shitty crap, if enough piles up behind it on a hillside, it will fall down the hill. Just like the same hours I spend quietly crying over the loss of who I was. And I guess what I have become isn't something I want to ever accept... so how could they ? My DH is different, he will kiss those scars. He never shys away.... I am the shy one now because,to me it's horrible, like I was that moose on your windowshield. Blown up roadside and left for the flys it's rough period. This thread helps me every day. It truly does help to know we are not alone in these ditches.
Minnie~ You rest up, so you can be at your best for you trip. I am not a drinker nor have I ever been, but they always say people usually drink to dampen down and forget things that they fear. By leaning on the alcohol and being the star of the show. He's utilizing his only known tool that he has to deal with his type of sorrow. One thing I've learned through my DH is while he doesn't know what I go through. He has told me several times. He has had his quiet hours of crying in the darkness. So those feelings are there. I think he's just afraid and fills his immediate space with fillers, wether they are your friends are not, he is surrounding himself with familiar things, avoiding his sorrows and sadness. People handle things oddly. I sure am learning that one myself! Denial is powerful. No denying that! Love you guys ~M~
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Hi Runor, your situation sounds frustrating, urgh. In my case my husband is as supportive and understanding as I could possibly wish for, but I do struggle with some close relatives. I am at a point where I'm not sure I want to relay any future bad news, the reaction tends to be more about their feelings of fear and sadness, and then some very inappropriate things get said to me, with the expectation that I must comfort them and help them feel better about this whole crappy situation. So I need to take control of the situation, and be more circumspect about news, and also understand that we all deal with our heartache differently, and part of growing up for me is to try and accept people the way they are. But man, it is not easy. All the best Runor xx
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I'm so glad to be back home. Vacations are great but after two in one month, plus my progression scare, I'm just glad to be in my house, my bed with my kitty. But, I'm relaxing so much I cannot seem to get my brain to wake up. I do have lots to accomplish but I'm not even unpacked!
Did I tell you about my safe but eventful landing? On Friday night I flew from Baltimore to Dallas by myself. So, the closer we got to Dallas the bumpier the flight was. Then after the Captain announced that we were about to land in "a little" rain, our plane suddenly climbed up. I was like, feels like we just aborted our landing but no one else seemed to notice. Hmmm Finally the pilot came on saying, we were instructed to not land due to weather. We'll try coming in from the north. Okay, I was right. The landing included a huge hop. Now, the pilot comes on in a much less stressed voice saying, Sorry about the extra lap around the pool and we decided not to worry about finesse on the landing. Me thinks the cockpit crew was very relieved to have landed us safely. Needless to say, it wasn't a little rain it was eight inches!!! I'm thankful that my dad was a pilot, I guess that kept me from being panicky.
Also, I just found out my DGD got elected to be President of her sixth grade class. Two weeks ago she was worried about being able to figure out her complicated schedule in her new, huge school. I'd say she's adjusting nicely to her new environment. Love that girl.
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Grannax, glad you had a safe.landing!
Good for your DGD! I have a soft spot for middle schoolers. I taught sixth, seventh, and/or eighth grade for many years. My last teaching job was community college. That was part time and just perfect for me. I loved it.
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GRannax, glad you are home safe! And congrats to your granddaughter!!!
Thanks to everyone for your concern and suggestions. I don’t think this is cellulitis. It hasn’t changed size one little iota, and some days it’s not nearly as red, some days barely noticeable. I’m stumped. Hoping my onc can know what it is immediately. I’ll have all my scans within the next few weeks, ct scan, bone scan, pet scan and brain mri. Hoping things look good! Am having ALOT more pain in the middle of my spine. Hurts and has that burning sensation so am concerned. It’s gotten bad enough that now I’m doing painkillers daily, which I haven’t had to do in the past.
Will let you all know as soon as I know something
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