My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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My superman!
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omg~ Bigbhome those pictures are absolutely amazing what beautiful foliage and I am amazed that your DH was able to drive all of that distance. So yes he is your super hero for sure. I love the mountains. I have never been to NH or up further than Connecticut. I'm really jealous everyone got to meet. I wish I was there ! so good to see you here again. I adore you!
Lynnwood~you're on my mind. Holding your hand. Thinking of you sweet friend. ~M~
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Just wanted to pop in, say Hi, and wish everyone clear scans, a good nights rest, and all the well wishes
Trying to catch up on reading everyone’s posts, but there is so much!
Illimae - so sorry to hear about your dog. Our 12 y/o Brittany just came back with mouth cancer. It would be cancer wouldn’t it, but that’s a post to a different forum. When he goes I’d like to think he will be in a better place waiting for me to come play or hang out or vice versa. I hope you can take comfort in remembering all the good times and that you got to be their pet parent. I know I feel blessed to share a companionship and be the caretaker for my 3 dogs
Micmel - lovely bra! The craftsmanship looks very good
you go girl!Cheers everyone
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Good morning ladies ~Lynnwood you're on my mind , thinking of you. It's 710 am fed the dogs and I'm Back in bed with my coffee. It's dreary and cloudy yet again. Up and down.. rain then one day of shine.
Parry~Very nice to see you again here. Sorry about your puppers mouth. I don't even like hearing that. Cancer just sucks. I wish more than anything, that they would find the cure, and we could have the last laugh! It's such an evil disease picks on whoever they can. Innocent children and harmless doggies.
Mae~ thinking of you darling.
Hope everyone gets to go back to bed again. Resting is my job! Much love ~M~
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I just found out this morning that a good friend of mine has passed away from cancer, it wasn't breast cancer, intestinal cancer. But she suffered for so long. She was always so sweet and kind. I gave her my wig because I never wore it. She loved it. She would twirl around for her husband and he loved it too. Her daughter worked with both my son and my DD at the bank. All three were very close. My heart is just broken. She was in hospital for over two weeks just like Patty was. Waiting and knowing. She told her daughter Monday this was going to be her last week with them. How sad is that?? Cancer I truly hate hate you! More than any words could write or a voice could convey. She wasn't very old either. I wish for one time in My life or anyone's life, that a breakthrough happens soon. Immunotherapy is lacking where BC is concerned. That is where my hopes lie.... it just has to happen. Enough is enough. Already ~M~
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Hello all-
Grannax! That gown! You looked MAHvelous! it must have been such a great event!
Oh Mae-It must feel so exquisitely painful to have lost Biggie---so sorry to hear
Micmel-it's wonderful to "hear" the enthusiasm in your voice around the fun bra project! How cool is that? Hope you can find a greater peace through therapy, and that the increase in antidepressant does the trick. You deserve to feel better, sweet gal!
Lynne-Happy Anniversary! I hope the trip is relaxing and beautiful. Put Mr. C on the back burner(actually in the flames of hell). Hope SE's leave you alone.
Lynne(50's)-How is Madame X treating you? Are you having the beautiful weather there today? The trees in the sun are amazing here.
Bighome-sounds like you are a little "car worn". I am not a fan of long car rides either, but it looks as though you saw some gorgeous scenery! Hopefully Micheal treats you alright-my DS is very near the path, so they have boarded up. So pleased to have spent time with you!
Lynnwood-glad the procedure is over for you and praying for good news/problem solved.
Minnie-hope you are well in sunny Spain!
Tanya-hello and hope you are doing OK.
Gracie-how are you doing?
Finally caught the cold that has been going around; not totally wiped out, but definitely"off". Ugh! Still woking on a little fall decorating around here. Brought up the pumpkins from the garden. Still have a lot of butternut squash and beets to pull up.
Sending love to all, Mary Jane
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Micmel, I am so very sorry for your loss! It's getting harder and harder to even come in the site. All the losses to cancer are becoming overwhelming. I know you feel the same. Sending you big hugs!!!
MJH, I'm surviving....that's about it right now. The Abraxane is kicking my butt, but it seems to be working. Brain scan next Monday to check the tumor ther, and st scan and none scan on Wednesday to check everything else including the liver. Hoping and praying for good results!
I'm thinking of withdrawing for a whike. Am terribly worried about Z, but I know she's tough, so hoping for he best. I realize most of us don't have a great chance of surviving this, but the constant losses just drive it home. I just don't know how much more of it I can handle. Having lost my mom, my dad, my husband, myriad of aunt's and uncles to this disease really put it in my head that I would probably get cancer some day. And then I did. My brother also has stage four head and neck cancer. It's just all becoming too much. I have to continue this fight and don't know how to do it without all the bad news piling on with everything else. So if I'm gone for a while, you'll know why. Micmel has my phone number and can get a hold of me if needs be. I love y'all, but I need time and some distance. Pray for me, especially next week for my scans, and I'll be praying for all of you!
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Thanks ladies for all the compliments,. Yes, I do get to keep the gown and the jewelry. If I get invited to the NYC show I will wear it again, I think that's what we do. I'm new to this fashion show club. Ha I had to eat some words. Laughs on me. I didn't think I would enjoy the Catwalk, but I did. The other ladies were so nice and I want to get to know them better. The designer must have a generous heart to give us a little time in her spotlight but she's not very friendly. I just keep reminding myself of why I did this. For all of us stage IV patients. Give hope and let people a see that we can live even with incurable disease. I want people to see us and change their minds about what we look like.
And who doesn't love getting hair, make up done? A rare treat for me. That dress! I was so shocked I could wear something like that. It has a very low back too. I'm glad she did my hair down. Another surprise was how much my kids enjoyed the whole evening! I guess they saw it as a chance for me to be recognized. They seemed so proud of me. That was worth all my stage fright. 💞
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Gracie~I love you my friend. I am always here and reach out to me any time. I’ll be keeping in touch. Don’t fall to far away. I became overly sad! I realized I needed everyone here. 💙❤️ Much love ~M~
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Good morning all! I’m done my procedure and actually feeling pretty good. The doctor told me that he did not “ see anything overly concerning “ and that he took some biopsy’s and that the kidney had a lot of inflammation. He told my husband that the kidney had a lot of scar tissue that cannot be removed and that he biopsied to see what caused it. He says the stent must stay in permanently due to the scar tissue and be changed every 6 months. My pain is minimal at this time, actually feels like menstral cramps but Tylenol is effective. Interesting information for you ladies, before the procedure the urologist told us that people that have been on chemo, radiation or cancer medication for an extended time can have a buildup of protein in their kidney, this is different from the buildup that causes a kidney stone. I don’t know yet if that’s what happened to me. He said he will speak to my onc regardless of what he found. I have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks to go over everything. Thanks for all the love, support and prayers! I was overwhelmed with such a nice feeling when I logged on today. Will post again later, just wanted to give you all a quick update. ❤️0
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Gracie, have you heard from z? I look for her all the tine but never see anything. I’ve been worried about her as well. And I understand why you need to step back and take some you time. I’ll pray for you and yiurbscans.
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Had my third infusion of ixempra yesterday, and woke up to take all 14 pills hoping to stave off any painful SEs 😳
I have a CT scheduled for the 29 to see if this treatment is working. Y’all, I need some good news. Please pray it’s working. It’s tolerable, especially because it’s once every 3 weeks. The first week is hard with flu like symptoms, but then I’m almost a real person for the next 2. And it’s the fourth line of treatment I’ve had in 17 months. I would love to think there are a lot of options left, but in reality I know I’m running out - and call me stubborn, but I’m not ready to run out; I’m not ready to die. So, please, just pray for me...
Y’all have a beautiful day... xox
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Macie just promise to check back in so we will know what's going on with you. We'll miss you.
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Thanks everyone for your sympathy. The family pack was 6, now there are none and it’s very strange for the house to be so quiet.
Gracie, please let us know about the MRI results, I’m hoping for wonderful results.
I was worried about Z too. We are “Fitbit friends” and her steps have been lower until just recently, we are about the same this week, so I think she’s pushing on like she does 🙂
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Grannax~You were magnificent! You did all of us stage four women and any stage cancer darn good! Your hair is gorgeous. I loved everything about it. That's kinda why I'm doing the bra. To feel like someone. To feel alive. To try to keep my mind in functioning place. I realize I sleep a real lot. I asked my palliative care about it.... shes sure it's the medicine. She said if you feel tired.. then sleep. Why should you worry about that? If your body needs sleep you will sleep... if it doesn't. You won't. That seems to be true for me. Problem is I wake up feeling like crapola with a foggy mind and slight headache. It always clears up, but it still sucks outloud. I keep asking for a dose reduction... but my onc insists on going. Aggressive with me. Since I am 48 and have very little disease. I'd like to keep it that way... and or have it vammoouse!!! Such little disease can make you feel so awful. It's gotta be the medicine. She also said NO treatment out there for any cancer does not come with fatigue. They all do. Seeing you walk on that catwalk.... says screw You fatigue.... screw you cancer!! Thank you Grannax for being you! ~M~
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Mae sorry about the loss of the last one in your pack. are you going to get another?
Gracie good luck on your scans. Take all the time you need. You will be missed. Drop in when you feel up to it. Just look at the pictures. Take care dear.
MJH sorry you caught the cold. Please post pics of your harvest.
Lynwood 1960 I’m so happy that your procedure went well. I think you were stressed for a long time waiting for this. Rest and heal well. Glad it’s over and things went well.
Sheila Marie I pray for great results on your CT scans. It’s nice to know that your treatment gives you 2 weeks of feeling normal.
Grannax that’s great that you get to keep the gown. You need a fancy night out then so you can wear your dress. And of course wear it in NY.
Big B love the pictures.
Minnie hope you’re having a good day.
Tanya
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Hi everyone, Lynnwood, glad to hear all went well. Gracie, sometimes we all need a little time out, but just say hello now and again.Grannax, lovely pic. What a wonderful thing to do, a good feel good factor too.
Runor, you describe my thoughts too. I tell myself I am living with cancer, not dying from it, but that little monster in my brain will not rest. It is impossible to explain to people, and you want to hide the fear from your nearest and dearest, but I am afraid. My walking is worse than 6 months ago. What happens next?
Micmel, we do have seasons here, even in Southern Spain. We have Autumn now, the leaves are falling even though it is still mid 20s C. In winter our daytime temp can be anything from 10-20, but can be down to freezing at night. We have even had some snow (very little) on 2 occasions in the 15 years I have lived here.
I will post a few Cruise pics tomorrow, they are on another device, so need to transfer. Have one here I think of my friend Joan and I. She lost her husband 2 years ago to lung cancer.
I hope Michael the Hurricane doesn't cause anyone any problems. Watching the news from across the Atlantic. Night Night xx
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Lynnwood~I am pleased it's over with and you're home and hearing that it's scar tissue. Still though you must be exhausted and want to crash to a wonderful nights sleep. I am hugging you... sorry if I left crumbs in your pocket...
waving hello to Sheila.... hope you're doing ok today. I feel like crap. Weeks are certainly each different. I am thinking of you and holding you in my heart.
Mae~Hello sweet.. ty for the information on Z. We all tend to worry about each other. I'm sorry about biggie. It really sucks, I find each day more sucky things seem to emerge. It sucks because we can't do aDamn thing about it. Forced to move forward and can't go back. Love you friend!
Tanya~Hello sweet woman. Hope you're having a good day! Hugs to you !
Minnie~Hug your friend for me please. That is just sad and adds to my hatred of cancer. I hope you're enjoying yourself and would love more pics. Hugs to you beautiful ladies!
Someone in my community, someone I've grown to know passed away October 9, I feel like someone has kicked my chest, she had cancer. Not breast cancer but cancer all the same. Somehow I cannot watch tv, somehow. I don't feel like eating... somehow...it's hard for me to breathe....somehow... I can't stop the tears.... she suffered.....she certainly never complained...but she told me the pain never left her. Somehow... the only thing I'm clinging to is ... she's not suffering anymore. Is all I have. Her name was Debbie D. I will miss our texts and talking about the kids(our kids worked together at the bank)somehow... nothing will ever again be the same. My new normal just changed again. Much love ladies ~M~
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Micmel
So sorry to hear about your friend. Cancer certainly blows. At least she may be able to find some peace from the pain she was in. My grandma passed from cancer in 2012. I like to think our friends and family never leave us by sharing their time with us when they were here. The memories, laughs, and heart to hearts are things I’d never trade (even when it’s painful) and what keep me pushing on forging new memories with new and old loved ones. That’s my point of view anyways. I don’t know any words to help ease the grief now, but I hope your heart heals quick.
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micmel So hard to lose a good friend and neighbor. I'm glad you're being brave to go to the therapist, at least he or she had experience in dealing with sadness. But when does it stop? Never sounds too final but death is part of life. How do we deal? Please pass on any good info.
Minnie I'm excited to see some of your pics. Your walking is worse, do you have to use a walker or cane? I know what you mean about trying to keep the fear you feel from those closest to you. I do that. My pics look like I had it all together but I didn't. I lost my balance and would have fallen if hadn't been for my escort. I can see the fear on my face in some of the pics. I don't have brain mets so I am fortunate so far about that. The thought of losing my balance in a public place is frustrating, I can imagine what it is like for you. Especially wondering what's next.
Keep on keeping on. Going on vacation sounds like a good thing.
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We’ll probably adopt a local dog or two when we relocate to the mountain but not before. It’s easier to pack up and sell the house without any critters but we won’t be dogless for long. I haven’t packed up his toys or bowls yet, still too tough.
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completely understandable Mae... without a doubt. But how cool that you will rescue some lucky dog. That’s the best medicine I believe.. you’re obviously great with pets! The mountain move sounds so exciting. Sending hugs sweet friend.
Parry~ thank you, my DD and I had a good cry together today. All the walls came down and she admitted she was afraid to loose me and this has hit her hard seeing her friend loose her mother. So it was a little close to Home for her liking. She came and laid In My bed with me, head on my chest crying telling me she loved me and she needs me to keep doing well. It was a touching moment. I feel such sadness for my friend. Her family and friends as well. Hard thing to deal with.
Grannax~ you would never know you were almost off balance you looked magnificent and I love sleek black evening gowns. Wonderful choices. I just also got an invitation from bringing Hope home to runway for their charity. Lol I thought of you immediately. Seems like a really really long long day. You’re such aTrooper. Beautiful woman. Goodnight ladies. ~M~
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I check this board every day...you are my light and keep me grounded. I'm on my Taxol week off after finishing #20 and am royally sick and tired of chemo, being in pain from neuropathy, fatigue and the never ending “not knowing whether it is working or not". Yup...I'm in a funk. I tend to hide when I'm funkish. Sigh. Tomorrow I have my second meeting with my new MO...I'm not sure we're on the same page yet.
I had an interesting chat with one of the guests at my grandsons first birthday party on Sunday that gives me hope. The young man is an astronomer who is working in software development. There is a very little work here for astronomers. His current project is to develop and test the robotics that will be used to make the drugs for cancer immune therapy. It is a very precise technology that can only be made by robots. They will be using it for clinical trials next year...I was very excited to hear about his work...like you Micmel, I think immune therapy is key for stopping this dreadful disease.
I'm also going to ask my MO about the drug Cymbalta...apparently it shows good results for neuropathy pain in clinical trials. Apparently so does drinking tart cherry juice. Anyone tried either of these?
Be well ladies....I hate losing friends and family to this disease, it is gut wrenching. And yet we live with hope.
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Sorry to hear about your friend Micmel, sending hugs and deepest sympathy to her family. At least she is no longer in pain. RIP
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Grannax, I can understand your fear walking down that catwalk!! Well done for doing that. I use 2 crutches when walking, and I have a little folding electric scooter which can be taken in the car, and on holidays, very important. My mets have affected the acetobellum, which is the actual top of the ball joint in the hip and also where it meets the pelvis, so as my surgeon said, the joint is destroyed. Any solution is based on many complicated factors
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Pots~I feel exactly how you feel about feeling this sludge of not feeling well every single day. It starts to drive you crazy sometimes.. all of the scientists out there, they really should be able to get it. It baffles me. It gets exhausting going to the clinics, bloodwork. Scans. Which are the absolute worst. Not to mention the train stopping chemo some face. Which I have also been through. It made me feel beyond the word sick. I didn't even know who I was, or where I was. My DH held me while I screamed in agony and confusion. This life is not mine, surely there has been some confusion. Please let there be some confusion. There is a cure right? Ugh! Such sadness and depression. Which I'm working on. Hopefully this therapist can give me tools.... to help me put one footin front of the other. Hugs to you my friend.
Minnie ~ Good morning darling. Rest up when you can!
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Mae, so sorry about biggie. When I lost my Oscar a couple of years ago I cried for 2 weeks. I didn’t realize just how much it would hurt to lose him. And he, too, was eat up with cancer.
Micmel, I’m sorry for your loss. It just doesn’t get any easier does it?
Sending love and hugs to you both... xoxo
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Good morning everyone, I am praying for all of you and hoping that you are doing well.
I would like to change the subject for a moment. I believe, that we are a powerful force here. I would like to ask if all of our members would please pray for the people in Hurricane Michael's path. We are hearing this morning of such complete and total devastation in the Panhandle and all up through that part of our state on into Georgia and heading to other states. I feel that these people need our prayers right now greatly. This is going to take years to clean up the mess that this hurricane has caused and is going to change many lives forever. I would also like to say at this time, I don't care what anyone's problems are with our governor Scott, but I feel like the man has done a phenomenal job dealing with the last several hurricanes that have gone through our state. The rescue crews, the cruise from the power companies that are coming to our rescue, our Coast Guard, our National Guard, and many more all need the power of our prayers. I believe is a group our power of prayer prayers are great and I would like to ask all of you to please, please pray for these people.
Hugs and prayers for all of you and most definitely for all in the State of Florida and other states who are being affected by this horrific hurricane.
Claudia
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