My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Bigbhome~ It is certainly terrifying. It effects so many lives and pets displaced. My heart is full of concern and caring for anyone anywhere near this hurricane. Enough bad things and disease. The world seems almost crazy and or out of control anymore. Many good points for sure.
Shelia~ I'm sorry you lost your puppy dog too. I realize real soon one of ours is going to have to be put down. He is falling a lot and really doesn't respond like he used to. He's such a little love. Our lil rescue guy. We deeply love our dogs like children don't we?.
Thinking of you Mae.
Waving to Lynnwood 😊
Haven’t seen Chicagoan at all. Hope she’s ok
Sending a hey to Daniel and Leslie
Thoughts going out to those who are faced with this hurricane. May the hurricane leave swiftly
Much love ~M~
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I will, bigb. Micmel are you going to say yes to being a model for a day?
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lol somehow I knew you were going to mention that to me lol it’s supported by Ella Bella. I have been reading up on the evening. It seems like a loooooonnngggg day. I’m still thinking about it. I do not like dressing up, I have to admit. I did it in September for my DD’s reception. I’m thinking about it. who sponsored your evening ? ~M~
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micmel. Say Yes to Hope. And SMGlobalCatwalk. It was a long day. It helped to have my BFF with me. Maybe your DD could take a day off. Like I said before, my kids were so proud of me for doing this. It certainly was not a dream come true for me to be a model, but you with your height I wonder if you ever dreamed of being a model. To me the evening made a memory for my family and great pics to frame. When is the event?
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You bet, BigB...from a fellow Floridian.
🙏🙏
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Lynnwood so glad it looks like just scar tissue. What another pain to have the stent replaced every 6 months though. Glad you are not in much pain too. Hope the biopsy comes back all clear!
Claudia, you took some great pics while you were up here. I hope you enjoyed seeing the foliage. It was great meeting you. It is just plain awful, how the panhandle was hit so bad. Houses totally flattened. My sister was stationed in Pensacola, when she was in the Navy. Beautiful area. So sad. I pray for all who are in his path.
Grannax-Lovely pic of you and your grands. Proud of you getting past the stage fright. I would be the same way! Great job!
Gracie-Big hugs! I can understand taking a break for awhile. You will be missed. Just check in once in awhile, and let us know your ok.
Tanya-Nature is wonderful. It gives me peace every time I'm out in it.
Yesterday was sunny in the 80s, today rainy in the 50s. Crazy weather!
Well, this will be my last post for a couple of weeks. I definitely will have to get most of the packing done today (I'm such a procrastinator), tomorrow, I have an oncology appointment. They are doing my 2 week after chemo appointment, a week early, since I'll be gone. I'll get my chemo, the week I get back. That will be a week late. I've had 3 doses of CMF now, and I have had fevers, in the evenings, that are gone by 9 pm. It's happened a few nights. Only one night did it go above the 100.5. I took a cool shower and tylenol, and then it went down to normal in a couple hours. My husband kept telling me to call the office, but I know they would just send me to the ER. I feel fine, and it goes away. I will tell them about it tomorrow morning. They are taking blood work anyhow. I just worry that I'll have this issue on vacation. I don't want to have to go to the ER in Mexico!
Thank you for the early anniversary wishes! I hope all of you that are having scans and are waiting for results, all have great outcomes. Have a great 2 weeks!
Lynne
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Grannax ~ not until the middle to end of November.. I have time to decide. I also don’t like heels. I can’t feel my feet so I tend to just walk out of them. Wouldn’t want to look like a fool or fall like you pointed out. My luck I would fall and destroy the catwalk!
I am also thinking of everyone in Florida. Mother Nature is so scary. I am hoping the waters recede and people can start picking up some pieces. I hoped agains hope it wasn’t going to be as bad as they said. It seemed to have come out of no where!
Lynne(Man)~I hope you feel better so you can enjoy your wonderful Anniversary trip. Be safe two weeks wow! You’re amazing. The thought of being away from my home for two weeks doesn’t even register. My doggies don’t do well in a kennel!! Safe and awesome travels.
Between you and Minnie and your trips It’s amazing !
Hugs ~M~
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Runor and Micmel I know how you feel. This past weekend we celebrated my daughter's 17th birthday at Kingsdominion and Monday I was fine but all of a sudden I'm not. As I had said in September I was NEAD according to the PET SCAN well my daughter took that as I was cured and that was it. Last night the reminder call came for my faslodex shots and she answered it. The look in her eyes was heartbreaking. She looked at me and said "but I thought you are ok. why do you still need to go?" I have been crying off and on since. I feel like there is nothing to look forward to and that all there is death at the end; it's just a matter of time. I don't understand where this came from. During the treatments I have been so positive and you would think I would be now but I just don't know. Sorry for raining on everyone's parade. I just can't go to my husband with this because he doesn't know how to help.
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Holmes ~ you don't have to ever apologize for speaking our language. I haven't been in a good mind set lately either. I am also Nead. But I feel like absolute crap. One week may be good, but the next three suck. And then my mental dance I have everyday trying to combat those inner nasties, by trying to reason with myself. “he said you were doing great, he said you have little disease". It never seems to help. Nothing helps nothing. But you ladies. You make a difference. I love you friend and am holding your hand. I understand, I really really understand! ~M~ 🤲
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welcome Bella to the thread. You snuck in there. I hope you’re safe and your loved ones as well. Thinking of all in Florida. ~M~
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Thank you Micmel...I have been reading this thread for months now...I know I am not suppose to post since I am not Stage 4...sometimes I forget which thread I am reading and Bigb’s request for prayer for the Florida panhandle folks kind of jumped out at me. I am on the northeast coast of Florida. We were spared this year but were hit two consecutive years with Matthew and Irma. Feeling so bad for the folks in Panama City Beach and Mexico Beach...just devastating..
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Bella, Wow, Jacksonville! I am there frequently as my MO is at Mayo! Congratulations on your status!
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers for all in the path of Michael!
Claudia
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First, praying and positive thoughts for everyone affected by this recent big hurricane. I hope you are all safe.
Lynne - one of my treatments also gave me fevers. I did like you unless it went way up or other symptoms appeared. We had a trip to a family wedding in Canada planned at the time and I was very worried. Trust that you know your body, you’ve seen the pattern from post chemo, and are diligent... otherwise have fun and enjoy the trip!
Holmes - please don’t feel bad for speaking up about how you are really feeling. To me that’s why I come here. I can be honest with people I know understand. I know some may not agree with this, but I haven’t told my fiancé/life partner about my skin mets or the rib pain that wakes me up because he just doesn’t handle this stuff well. He wakes up with panic attacks if I coughed that day (I wish I was exaggerating). He doesn’t understand the pain and fatigue and on the same level I don’t know exactly what he isn’t going through either so places where we can talk honestly are important.
I too sometimes slip into a doom and gloom attitude. Especially when I see how my situation affects my family. I feel extremely guilty. They wouldn’t be feeling all this stress, and pain if I wasn’t in their lives. I’m causing it even if it’s not my fault. At the same time I know I’ve brought them a lot of joy and we have shared some amazing experiences. So f cancer. I’m going to live and make as many memories as I can. If cancer gets me so be it, but don’t throw your cards in one pool. You never know what will happen other than death eventually comes for all of us. I think that’s why what we do and invest our time in while we have it matters so much, at least to me. I hope you come out of your funk soonand have some beautiful days to enjoy ahead!
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Holmes, I read each word of your post with that small, cold knowing in my heart. It's like you're handed a death sentence but hey there, old girl, you're not dead yet, up up with you, carry on mate, be chipper, stiff upper lip, you're a survivor, you're a fighter, you are strong blah, blah, blah. And you're just standing there, stunned and still, not knowing which way to go, or how. Complete disorientation.
Hugs to everyone in joy or sorrow, as you need.
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I feel like maybe i’m feeling like this because of breast cancer awareness month. They are always talking about survivors and I use to think of myself in that way but now you sit back and wonder “where do I fit into this. not only that but all you hear on tv, my facebook page and wherever you go is cancer; it’s like you can’t get away if you tried for a day. thank you guys for listening and understanding i really need that.
bigb- i have been praying for all of the people in florida. i don’t think i have seen anything like it. i couldn’t even imagine where to start in the rebuilding of it all
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Holmes~Very good point, it certainly is everywhere isn’t it!? Every where I look. People are always talking about it. Posters... glammed up exhibits. I am decorating a Bra for cancer month. I am doing it because I’m pissed off at cancer and what I think does to people period!!!! I have to attend a funeral tonight for a friend. Not breast cancer but a viscous visceral intestinal cancer that left her with no chance. I’m sickened. She was 62. Freaking 62! I’m decorating that bra for debbie my friend. For Patty my friend. For Keetmom.... our sweet sister from here our home thread! It’s so depressing. I have been hearing a lot of people wanting to take a break from BCO. I totally get it. I had one last week. But I did realize coming back was like coming home. You ladies have become. Part of my life. My daily life. It would be hard with out you all. Much love ~M~
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...........This is my beautiful friend Debbie. She fought so hard and so long to cancer. I think you're an amazing soul and I began to love you so much. You're a brave mother wife, friend and person. I will miss you. And may your children be safe in their futures.(she had 8 children)It's so wrong!! ~M~0 -
Beautiful picture of your friend Debbie. RIP
I though it was just me and my SO noticing that cancer is everywhere. We can’t watch one show without an ad, or a story. We went to a movie recently just trying to get out and of course the mom dies of cancer. The movie wasn’t about that, but we were both just like ‘really!?’ Sometimes I feel like you can’t escape it...it’s pushed on you like it or not. #metoobutforcancer, lol. I used to go on the threads for triple negative and others, but seeing others be NED and just the worries at that stage make me sad. Why didn’t I get that. I did everything my doctor said. I’m happy for those women and anyone who gets NEAD of cancer no matter how long. I can’t pretend I don’t ride the pity party bus sometimes though. Seeing women with kids is especially hard. My SO and i always wanted children very much. Even if we could - should we at this point? I see how hard it is for moms with kids and I can imagine how hard it is for them too.
I might have gone off on a rant there! Point is I’m moving off grid where the pink ribbon ads and shows and w/e can’t find me, haha. Maybe one day when being more thana stones throw from the doctor doesn’t give me a panic attack.
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Parry~ Feeling anyway you feel needs validation. You’re allowed to have the pitty party feelings. Hell. I think you were a little off if one didn’t. Those feelings are normal. And yes the ads are freaking everywhere. I just think that cancer kills more people than any of other disease. Especially lung. It all sucks royally. Hugs my friend hugs! ~M~
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We are putting together photos for our wedding reception and I came across some I thought would be nice to share. These are the moments, the people I endure and am doing all I can for. Sometimes it seems pointless or just frustrating, but I’ve realized I don’t live for myself necessarily anymore.
This is a pic of my SO and I a few years back. We always do these posed shots that look silly. My hair was long! Can you be jealous of yourself? We are going to try to go back to this spot this year
it’s also around where he proposed so it’s very special. 
His college graduation last year with the family. That wig was one of my favorites! Doesn’t help to be swollen from treatment though I’m the only one who sees that stuff.
My dogs
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Parry~You're absolutely beautiful. I feel the same way about being jealous of myself. Everyday I mourn my long mane of hair. My body that was pretty a ok with me. But I didn't realize how much I loved who I was until it was taken from me. I love the pics. The snow one made we well up, I understand I have a SO who I would lay down my life for. This damn disease. I'm sorry for you sweet woman. I am sorry for us all. Love is what makes us fight back. I've said it all along. Sweet hugs to you beautiful woman inside and out! Look at your beautiful happy smile looking at him and I can feel the love, looking at you. That is how I feel about my DH. He is my breath. That was so special to see... what a touching photo! This is the thread for that absolutely heart swelling photo of love. All I can say is my heart breaks that you have to worry one day like I do. I truly wish I had a magic wand. But seeing that pic shows a different kind of magic. Doesn’t it?
~M~
Omg can not forget those precious puppies. 💙
That snow pic really touched my heart. My DH and I did things like that all the time. Snow ball fights. Laughter and life. Where are those smiles now ? Where is that feeling of living? Not just day to day fear of when the other shoe drops in the laps of us and our families. You're beautiful you know this right ?
Hugs my friend ~M~
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Hey Melissa!
Just dropping by to say hi and send you a big hug. It's devastating to have a beloved friend pass. xoxo
Daniel
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Micmel, sorry about your beautiful friend.
Blood work and Xgeva yesterday. Okay to continue I & L. Tumor markers down again which is good. RBC not bad but down a bit. Advice to increase it? We already have red meat a few times a week.
Doing fair. Lots of pain. Lots of stiffness in hands, some in feet and knees. Gained weight again, in spite of doing what exercise I can do. Thanks, letrozole. sigh
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muddling~Good news on dropping tumor markers! That's always good to hear. I'm sorry your stiff. I haven't really had a good week myself. Lady Ibrance can kick your rear end. My next round of blood work isn't. Until late November. It's not something I miss.
Daniel~The visitation is tonight and I am already tired and saddened!! It is tough loosing someone. Cancer sucks. Please tell Leslie hello and I hope she's doing good today. You're a lovely family.
Much love to all ~M~
Sending love to Lynnwood!!! Runor..... Divine... Sheila....Tanya....The Lynne’s.... MJH..... Minnie my girl! Grannax you foxy mama!.... Mae~Hugs my friend..Gracie... Miss you. Bigbhome...thinking of all of Florida for sure. It upset some me to watch. Chelle my love... missing your here as always...... Hobbes... hello Holmes ~ you beautiful soul. Parry. 💙💙 miss Bianca. Footprintsangel.... my good friend GP.... JKL... Bella
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Micmel, so sorry to hear about your friend ❤️
Everyone, Hi to all, sorry but I’m unmotivated this week as you know.
We now have 6 of these bags (ashes contained in a wood box with a gold colored name plate) and every time I see this empty leash logo, it breaks my heart. Off to the cabin next week for a getaway.
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Mae~ Honey I'm so sorry. It hurts my heart too. I know how much of a pal he was. Even the bag is beautiful! You're a wonderful doggie mommy and we love you.
Tonight sucked. I never made it to the funeral. While I was walking into the funeral church,I fell and busted my face. Blood coming out of my nose. My hands bloody. Knees banged up. And I just got burned on Sunday. I honestly think I have the shittiest luck sometimes. But then again don't we all? At least my teeth made it. And didn't break any bones. That's a big deal. But my poor nose and mouth all busted up. Ugh! Poor sleep night on tap!
Much love peeps ~M~
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Oh no, micmel!! That hurts my heart
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Good evening all
So sad for The panhandle after the hurricane.
I was thinking of doing as much of the breast cancer walk as I can next weekend but I haven’t had my flu shot yet and that’s a big crowd.
Weary after the Wednesday surgery but miraculously the steroid shops did stop the back pain so I’ll take it.
Have a good night all
Tanua
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So sorry, Micmel. You've had way more than your share of difficult times lately. I'm sending prayers that your healing is quick & that you feel stronger soon. If we get back the love we send out into the universe, you are surely surrounded by it. Sending you much love.
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Micmel - damn, sorry to hear about your fall. At least it’s not worse I guess. Praying and positive thoughts towards a quick recovery. Also thank you for your kind words
maybe the ground got jealous and wanted to spend some time with such a great person! If it makes you feel better I’ve said hello to many a store poll/beam in the last few months and even had my SO revoke my shopping cart driving privileges, haha Luckily no blood shed yet though. Please take care and heal quick.0
