My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Last post got posted twice...oops
I’ll back read later, busy day. Hi to everyone...keep on keeping on lovies
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shelia- there is a great closed thread on Facebook to join for Xeloda. I was on it for about four months time. The Xeloda didn't work for me but I really have mixed feelings about that all and it is a long story. I feel the doctor is just pulling me off these meds to fast and not enough time to see if they work.
Every day before my pills I took emend for nausea. Never messed with not using it, did it faithfully. You can buy it liquid over the counter, it used to be a prescription. I'd eat some then and take the pills and then finish my meal.
For hand and foot I used urea40 that my sister sent from Amazon. It comes as a gel and dries kind of weird. I put that on every morning, let it dry and then put on socks and went for the day. My feet never peeled or got very bad. I swear by the stuff and still use it for odd spots and my daughter does too.
Xeloda seems to be a mixed bag. Some people get a pretty long run from it. Some people have a hard time but I didn't have it real bad at all.
Do check out that Facebook group there are lots on it and very very helpful!
We can't change what we did in the past, smoking drinking, all the what if's. We can change here and now and In many ways we already have with cancer. Keep strong, keep positive.
At one time I had a couple spots on my lung that showed on a cat scan and next scan they were gone
Sarah
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Hi to Skitz, Grannax, 50's, Lynn, Illimae, Minnie, divine and anyone else
Micmel, It's amazing how clear you feel off of all the meds. Unless you need them essentially for something of course. I hope you get it figured out and find a good balance so you can feel cancer normal (is that a thing? I'm making it a thing, lol). Also, I love how you called us all a team. I never thought of it that way, but I think I'm going to adopt it as well. Should we have a team name? Team F Cancer? I can't think of anything clever right now.
Muddling, you story about tennis reminded me about when the ceiling fan in our bedroom got broken. I strongly dislike the house and neighborhood we live in. Neighbors always fighting, roosters waking me up every time I'm actually sleeping, water randomly drips out of our dining room light...you get it. Anyways, my fiancé is very tall and has hit the multiple ceiling fans in our house and is aware he need to be careful. Well the one in our bedroom is vital. We have no ac and it was hot af. Well he hit it one morning and broke it so now it makes the worst creaking noise. I cried multiple times because of this. The one thing in this house I love is the fan and how absolutely silent it is/was. Sometimes it's the little things. And health insurance...I used to not think much but now it's like it's holding me hostage and I hate it - on the other hand I love it and don't know what I would do with out it. I think there is a medical diagnosis for something like this when someone has been held hostage, but comes to care for their captor. You might try for clinical trials as they usually pay for most all of the stuff you need for treatment. We want to move, but are kind of stuck here because of health insurance. We can't get legally married bc of it as well. I hope you figure out a good option for what works best for you.
MJH, pictures look great. The carousel pumpkin is really cool.
Shelia, have you have a cold recently? My onc thought that my lung spots could have been scarring from a pneumonia that put me in the hospital the week after I finished AC chemo. Not trying to give false hope, but it doesn't have to be cancer. I'm still praying for you. I think my onc will recommend Xeloda as well since we know my spots aren't scarring now.
Sorry for the long posts! Take Care ya
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Parry~You're adorable. You always make me smile. I honestly do feel like we are a team. Where else can you be with a bunch of people battling the same thing, just in different bodies. I'll take short stop... you can pitch. Mae can be catcher....we will put MJH in at first. Tanya can coach first base, Minnie can coach third ..Shelia Marie can also be a pitcher have to have many! ...second base can be filled by Bigbhome! Runor can play third base....Our outfields, Center field, can be Divine...left field can be taken by JKL... right field can be played by Grannax!! Egads can coach... we have a relief players I am sure ! Pots can fill in.. Blueshine can pinch hit! Daywalker can watch the umpire and coach the pitcher! Muddling can be score keeper The main idea is we are a team and a good one. Let's all ponder a name. Although I am liking your suggestion! Lol you are a sweet part of the day Parry ! Much love ~M~
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while I love the team, I’d be a terrible catcher, I tend to run from things being thrown at me, lol. I would be a great heckler or waitress though 😀
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Mae~Can score keep and someone else can catch lol. I can’t imagine you running from anything!!! Heckler works also. Lol ~M~
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im sorry everyone- I haven’t been able to keep up being so very very tired with Abraxane. Ive been lurking but not posting. But a transfusion last Sat has boosted me a little bit. My sister and her three lovely daughters (26,31 & 33) are here from tbe UK this week giving me the support I need. We are having fun and watching movies, shopping, cooking and they are really enjoying the hot sunny afternoons here in Southern California,
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Sheila, I am distressed over the dose of guilt and responsibility you (and everyone!) feels when they get, for example, lung cancer and were smokers. You smoked. You got lung cancer. You brought this on yourself! My aunt never smoked. She breathed. She got lung cancer. She brought this on herself! All you people out there using your lungs... what are you thinking? Are you walking near traffic? CANCER! Are you dosing yourself with some intoxicating and extremely expensive perfume? CANCER! Are you hanging around with people who don't use deodorant and fart a lot in cars with all the windows rolled up? CANCER!
My point, we get cancer for no reason. NO REASON. Pure shitty bad luck. We all know smoking causes cancer. But then how do non-smokers and people who do not work in asbestos mines end up with lung cancer? Huh? Explain that to me, eh . Maybe it was their fatty diet? Bullshit. BAD LUCK, people. Bad fucking luck. Period.
My dear friend M has had two wrestling matches with cancer and it has left her with effects. She continues to smoke. They found spots on her lungs. She called and said, I guess it's time to quit. Is it? Have you not heard that saying that it's too late to shut the barn door once the horse is out? So, being the evil voice on her shoulder I said, M, if you have lung cancer and you like smoking, then smoke. How much are you going to sacrifice to this disease? How much frantic giving things up and right living are you going to inflict on yourself to appease the fickle gods that blighted you with cancer? And do you even know for sure that your offered sacrifice of no sugar or no carbs or no smoking is even going to make a difference? No. You have no guarantee at all that anything you do is going to effect the outcome one whit. If it makes you feel better and more in control to make deliberate life changes in order to wrestle this beast, then do it. But it is a slim and desperate hope to believe that not eating white bread is suddenly and magically going to propel you into a safe and cancer free existence. No one, NO ONE, no matter how clean they live and how right they are, live an existence free from the threat of cancer. In fact I know of a young fellow, 19 lousy years old, with an aggressive lung cancer that is not looking real good. He isn't old enough to have smoked enough or breathed enough asbestos to give himself lung cancer (all lung cancers are self given, don't you know)
Sheila, it is understandable to not tell anyone anything until you know clearly what it is that you will be telling them. Otherwise it's just pins and needles worrying that we all do. And no one wants to spread that misery around. But to feel that tinge of guilt and self blame I read ... girl, let that go. Just let that go. So you smoked. So what? You did nothing to earn, deserve or invite this illness and lighting a cigarette is not an admission of guilt. Hugs and love to you and everyone here who fights this ugly sickness.
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Runor, you made me smile and you hit the nail on the head! I’m honestly trying to avoid sugar to fit in my wedding dress, but life is short and cancer sucks so I eat my Doritos (w/Micmel of course & anyone else who wants some) and definitely pay some of the bills for Starbucks! I think people want to blame cancer on something so they work out things that do...and maybe some increase risk or do for sure, but it’s all just a crap shoot.0 -
scwilly~Hello beautiful... I am so glad to see you here. I was worried not seeing you around. I am sorry abraxane has you and those numbers of your counts down. I remember when I took abraxane. After. A few days I was ok. I hope your counts rebound soon and you’re back to yourself again. You were missed! Hugs my sweet friend. ~M~
Waving to Runor and Parry. back to bed for me for a small while. Much love ~M
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Sleep!? I don’t know what this is you speak of, haha. I envy my fiancé for how easily and heavy he can sleep. There is a competition for sleeping I think he should enter. I even asked him to ask his doctor about it to make sure it was normal. Turns out he is normal and I am once again the odd ball with my light as a feather sleeping habits. I’d say one can dream (of getting a restful nights sleep), but that requires sleeping
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Scwilly - I had a hard time on abraxane too. It tanked all my numbers. I ended up getting two bags of blood one day. I was weak and tired, couldn't climb steps. Maybe ask for a little break.
Sara
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Runor, BRAVO!!!! Truer words were never spoken!
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Parrynd1, 'cancer normal' is the right description. It's different for each of us but every one of us knows what it means.
Micmel, Mae and I can both be score keepers if we can also be the bartenders. 🍹 Naturally, we'd need to sample our stock, so the score would be happy all the time. 20 to nothing, Team F Cancer wins, every dang game.
On insurance, we're going to buy it for one more year and then reexamine the options. Only God knows what the next year holds in the larger MBC world and in my small corner of it. I also know it makes God laugh to hear my plans so I'm trying to find my tiny grain of faith. It is not easy. I think I have it, then the next moment I'm all adrift again. My one unshakable conviction is that I will not spend DH into poverty for an impossible goal. One never knows, but he expects to live to 90 or beyond and his doctor agrees. Of course things happen, but we have to plan for the long term. I will not be the cause of him living in misery for even one day of it. We worked too hard. Okay, I'm not going to be here for all we planned (probably) but he will have the benefit of not having to eat cat food from the mark down bin. We've never been wealthy, but we planned enough to be all right in later life with careful budgeting.
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Runor~Girl you are so darn good at everything you write. I always get excited and clap like a little girl, with excitement to read your posts..I laugh out loud so many times.
Parry, also made me giggle with the sleeping contest comment. See we are a team. We Lean on each other and make each other laugh. But my point is the support and understanding is palpable here. I love it so much.
Muddling~I hope today is better.thinking of you. A team name we need to come up with ladies. Lol Parrys was a good one I have to agree!
I woke up today after having dreams of being younger. I could see my youth, I could see my energy and happiness to be able to run, if I needed. When I woke up I realized. I am not even 50, I should still be in the 40's are the new 30's mindset!! And living it. Instead every ache worries me, every pain I'm convinced it's the end. It just plain sucks. I smoked some for two years lamely, so I just stopped. But I did it. A lot of second hand smoke goes around too but there are no guarantees. Like I said and I'll say it again. I believe that vaping the marijuana since I was 15 has prevented this cancer from being all over my body. It has helped. Im convinced. Especially with alll the properties of the benefits they are finally reaping from a freaking natural plant. HELLO? Isn't that what we call organic!? Wtf? It should not have taken so long to have this medicine in people’s hands already.
When I had my tubing accident and lost all function of my right arm and feeling. I was thrown on so many narcotics for the intense nerve pain. It never stops. It's like having sciatic pain in your arm every time you even move it. I was on four 5mg percoets a day. 50 mgs fentanyl patches. Now I take 1 in the morning and one with bedtime medicine,no more patches. since I have some Residual damage to my spine from the Mets that have remained stable there, but are either dead or dormant. I can feel they are there. It's because of the medical marijuana program. If you live in a state where you are able to access it. Please try it.
I believe Tanya had done well with the cbd properties that are associated with the pain aspect. It may need to be adjusted occasionally like regular meds to... but it's better. And
Shelia the vaping honey, it's just like smoking in the form of a habittry of the movement. That isa part of why people find such relief in smoking. It gives them something to do. You'll just be getting cbd properties and the THC calming benefits all while seeming to smoke!!
Welcome back Scwilly!! Was worried
Love you guys ~M~
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Lynnwood~ Hello darling. Ready to play? Lol have your glove?? I love to see everyone here. I can't tell you how happy i am to be surrounded by all of you! I got my funk resolved with a medicine cleanse. I am down to taking 3 pills At bedtime, and one during the day! My head is clearer and I'm not such a zombie! I think about you everyday my friend! Hugs to you!
Skitz...Abraxane is rough I know. I was able to tolerate it pretty well but the neuropathy is what got to me. I needed to have it because I am allergic to steroids. the other chemo they usually administer needs steriods along with it. I can't remember the name of the chemo though. I had 13 rounds of it. I hope you're doing better now.
Gracie~ you ready to put on your uniform ? Lovely lady! Miss you!
Minnie ~You ok? Tanya~How are you feeling?, Miss magazine article star....I truly loved the article.
Grannax ~Recovering from Granna time ? Thinking about your murmur issue.
Mae~ You ok with muddling and you bar tending and score keeping ? Lol sounds wonderful actually. Cancer could be the ball! Grrrrrr
Much love to all! ~M~
GP thinking of you friend. Miss Bianca And Footprints 💙.
JKL hello dear... masons.... suit up! Bella you too,..Holmes...where you been? Hope all is well! Pots. Waving hello sweetheart!
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Here's a pic of our grandchildren, from last night, Halloween. Our youngest had already taken off his costume (this was right before they went home) and was exhausted. He held up his costume and told me to take a picture of it. He was Sonic the hedgehog. I got him to put on the hat. He was grumpy all evening. Aiden (6 in a month), Ryleigh 9, and Matthew 7 1/2.
I'm still catching up and will post the vacation pics when I'm done.
Hugs!
Lynne
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MJH Mary Jane, you are a fantastic grandmother! Wish I was half as good as you! Great Halloween cakes, and great Scotch too!
My uncle had his op, a plate fixed to his femur. He is doing really well. Out of bed today, sitting in a chair. Now waiting for permission to fly. Amazing for an 81 year old. Hope I have inherited some of those family genes.
Parry, your words for Sheilamarie are also great words for all of us. Sheilamarie, I hope you are ok, you are in my thoughts a lot
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Sunrise
Rose petal table
SunriseOk, finally caught up
Day of the Dead makeup
My husband's scuba diving pics
He tried freshwater cave diving. 3 fish, bats, stalagtites and stalagmites beneath him in the water.
Turtle, they were 2 to 3 ft long
Sunshine shining through a hole in the cave through the crystal clear water
One of the many fish
One of the special desserts
DH relaxing on the beach
another special dessert
Another rose petal table
The lobby
One of the beaches
Sunrise
Sunrise
Tulum
Mariachi band at bar
Me and my margarita.
Lights in mexican restaurant
Our patio, me with the bald look.hair is growing back slowly on the top of my head. The sides and back never went totally bald.
Tulum
I refused to look at the camera once again.
Another dinner, beach view.
bourgenvilla
Moon shining on the ocean
Sunrise
Sunrise
Iguana at Tulum.
Local wildlife, coati.
They call this one a Mexican rabbit. He hops like one but has a rodent face.I was sad to hear about Magda. I always enjoyed her posts. RIP.
Loved your pics Mary Jane and Tanya.
Micmel, your bra came out beautiful. I loved the fake pumpkin your nurse gave you.
Mary Jane- I had apple crisp as the dessert for our wedding. Love it! The wedding cake we put in little boxes, so the guests could take it home. I hope those cub scouts enjoyed your dessert! Your soccer cake came out great too!
Had my chemo yesterday. Having my scans on the 12th. Hope they come out ok. First scan on this new chemo.
We had a wonderful vacation! Only rained 2 nights, and one afternoon, in the 2 weeks we were there. Hurricane Willa hit north of us and we didn't get anything. The only issue we had was a floating seaweed. From dawn to dusk, workers were in the water with fish nets, bringing to the shore, putting it in piles and taking it out in truckloads. We did go in the ocean a few times. There were lots of fish in there, so I could snorkel from the beach. Very rocky bottom (coral), so I was glad I brought my wet shoes. I didn't use my flippers, the beaches were shallow and they had blow up barriers to keep the waves out. Nice and calm water. We went to the pool (there are several there, in each section, which they have 4 of), and my husband would go out and save us a cabana every morning. We were on the first floor, and our building was on the beach, to the right of our building was the bar, and to the left was the pool. We watched the sunrise every morning from our patio.
My husband would climb over our patio wall (about 4 ft tall) to get drinks from the bar, and save our seats. I'm only 5'3", so I went around. He went scuba diving 4 days, so I hung out at the pool, and read my book and swam. I could walk to our room, no problem. Perfect spot. They had golf carts to take you around. My husband pushed me in the wheelchair for the far walks, and we'd throw it in the back of the golf cart. I ate a lot of papaya and fresh pineapple, every morning and at lunch at the buffet. Dinner was always sit down (and they had over 10 restaurants) and they had rose petals on the table every night, and gave us a special dessert for the entire 2 weeks, for our anniversary. They also had rose petals on the bed in a heart shape, the first night (9 days before our actual anniversary). We took a tour of the Tulum ruins, the first week we were there. I ended up having to get out of the wheelchair a lot. It was just packed dirt on the trails. We had a guide, and it was very interesting. We mostly just relaxed. Watched the World Series in Spanish, as well as one Patriot game. Our Red Sox won. We couldn't get the Patriots/Chicago game though. We tried even on the computer. We just got the updates. I bought souvenirs for our kids, grandkids, and my mom. I got the 4 adult men a little sombrero with a double shot glass and a nip of tequila in it. The seller also said the smaller sombrero was a magnet. They opened them up, and my son-in-law to a sniff of the tequila, and it smelled like water. He took a sip and it was water. All of them were. The smaller sombrero was not a magnet either. $10 for each one. I am so angry. I now will get 4 nips at the liquor store for them. Just colored water! Here are some pics!
They put sombreros on us at then end of the meal in the Mexican restaurants.Hugs and prayers to all that need them.
Lynne
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Good evening ladies
Thanks for the picture Lynn. Funny how grandkids can do no wrong with grandparents.
Minnie that’s wonderful that your uncle is healing well.
Tanya
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sorry Lynn I just saw the gorgeous anniversary photos.
Amazing
Tanya
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Lynne~Hello lovely lady! I really have to tell you I enjoyed each and every photo. The romantic petal dinner tables. The dessert plated just right. You and he deserve that so much together. It's a beautiful thing, exactly where seeing that love belongs. Right here on this thread. (Not that other threads wouldn't Love to see them also). I'm just thrilled you shared them with us! I hope you can get some good rest and feel good after such a long vacation. I am in Awe of you. You're always on the move. I am so happy for you both. Happy Anniversary! I love that picture of the costumes. Brings back so many memories with my children. Thank you for the smiles.
Minnie~ I'm very glad to hear that your uncle is kicking some real butt healing with his surgery. That is something else. I also hope you have those genes also. But then again you're another one that never stops. I'm surrounded by amazing women... how is your hip???
Tanya~Hello my dear. I hope that you're doing well today and you have still reigned in that pain you were dealing with.... it's always nice to see you here. How is that good looking family of yours ?
Lynne (50’s)~ how are you? Thinking of you hoping all is well! Divine~ 🌷🌷
Hope everyone has a peaceful Friday evening. And weekend. Love you guys! ~M~
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Lynne, what wonderful photos. Looks like it was a wonderful holiday. Wish I was there! X
Micmel, I have upped the Gabapentin and also now have a whopper drug, only to be used in extreme pain. He said it's my Sciatic nerve, and it happens because I am thin. Must try to get fat lol. Lots of love to you sweetheart, I hope you are ok x
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Lynne, your photos are absolutely stunning! Love the sunrise and sunset pictures! The roses on the table are beautiful! Minnie, I take Gabapentin also, it has been very helpful to me. Hope you get some pain relief! What’s your new whopper drug? Waving hi to all
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Minnie~ I was thinking of you because I tend to get those spells with my sciatica as well. I'm having an issue now in fact. I've been doing more since I scaled back my meds and I am moving more and not napping nearly as much. I stopped my nerve medicine last week, I'm wondering if that is a reason it's poking at me the past few days. But my mind hates every additional ache and pain. I have some extra pounds I'm willing to share to help! Thinking of that strong uncle of yours! Hugs beautiful!
Hello lynnwood~Wind is whipping outside today where I am, leaves are turning bright red. Tonight our clocks go back an hour. As if my adjustment to the changes in meds isn't enough. I had another problem sleep night. I didn't fall asleep until 1:00 am and then I was up twice to go to the bathroom. I'm like a camel at night. Always thirsty, so I pay the price during the night time. Woke up around 915. Hoping I continue to feel this good. But i start my number 23 month if ibrance. My mouth is already sore. Sigh! And on we go. Good to see you. Hope the funk has cleared... I am on deck for some blood work and XGeva, scanning and oncologist visit this month towards the end. Gag! I instantly hate November!
Much love ~M~
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Last night they held my 30th high school reunion. Which I honestly would have not attended even if I was well. My three closest friends did go. I got some pictures sent to me, it hit me that all my best years are behind me. Gone. Seeing remembrances of when I was young and healthy and strong. All of that is gone. I am a shell of what I was. Seeing them living and smiling, knowing I couldn’t go even if I wanted to. I would be embarrassed anyway. I used to be so beautiful. I have now been chewed up and spit out by cancer and am a shell of what I once was. I had long long hair, I was so fit. I am struggling with every pound these days. My hair has grown a lot, I can’t say it hasn’t been. It’s below my shoulders now.. but not as thick. I get so mad that i ask the question we all ask. Why me ? 💔😞 I just don’t understand. Don’t drink. Don’t smoke. Excellent fitness regimen. What else can someone do to prevent this? Seriously like WTF??? Ugh!!! Another thing my DH and I didn’t do, even if we wanted to. I’m so lame. Makes my heart shatter all over again. One would think with as many tears as I have cried. That I would run out of them. But somehow, they keep coming. Hope everyone is out living life! Much love to all! ~M~
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Lynne, What wonderful pictures you posted. I love your big smile with that margarita. It sounds like the resort made your entire vacation into one big anniversary celebration. All those rose petals and special desserts, wow! I hope you and your dh enjoyed every moment. I am glad the hurricane steered clear of your location. You missed lots of rain and chilly weather when you were gone. I am still recovering from all those late nights watching the Red Sox and Patriots. The Sox certainly made things exciting. In the end they looked like a bunch of kids jumping up and down in celebration. The Patriots need to improve their offense for the next game. They were lucky to beat the Bills.
Micmel, I am sorry your are feeling so down today and thinking about what you have lost. In time I hope you can begin to focus on what you have gained - your dh, your children, a beautiful home, your current friends, all the people there and here who help you. You are still a beautiful woman even if you don’t see it.Even people who seem to have it all are sometimes hiding deep sadness, regrets, and daily challenges. I know that doesn’t help you, but I have never walked in your shoes.
So I am hosting Thanksgiving this year and am very happy about it. One of my sons hasn’t yet decided on final plans, so we will have either 15 or 20 people. I will make pies, my dh will cook the turkey and stuffing, and everyone else has signed up to bring something to give us a complete Thanksgiving dinner. I can’t wait. My dh will have scans the Monday before the holiday, so I hope we can add thanks for good results to all our other blessings. I am always much more nervous about his scans than mine.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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ughgh, tomorrow is the day again for ac #2 should,I pass the bloodwork. I'm cringing, I'm freaking out, I'm trying to talk myself into “I have to do this"
Holidays are just sucky for me! Easter i found out I was de novo stage iv, thanksgiving I had progression in my liver, Fourth of July I had no good news from my second and third opinion doctors, birthday time I had more loved progression and started ac.
Now for the past fewyears I have gone to Colorado to be with my son on thanksgiving. Instead of traditional turkey I made stir fry for us like i did when he was a kid. This year I choose not to go bc I ended up a week in the hospital after day 7 of ac chemo. I for sure don't want to risk ending up on Colorado in a hospital. My son is coming home though for four days and I'm so excited just for the time. I'll take whatever I can get!
I did get strep throat same time my white blood cells dropped to nothing. I have been staying inside and away from any store or event. This is going to be such a long haul and long winter! I'm gpong to go bat sh*t crazy!
Micmel - maybe you need to get out and volunteer a day here or there or go to a gym and do lightweight workouts. Something to just get out of the house and love this life you do have. I have played the why me or what if cards so many times myself. It doesn't help any. It brings me down! I have to keep focusing on I'm here now and this is what I have to give now. It might not be what I was once but I'm going to fight tooth and nail to have more life! Don't look back. It's sad and hard! I used to work like a crazy lady and go go go and i had longer blonde hair now I'm bald, I feel older, rough looking And thinner but I'm here.
Sara
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Lynne(50's)~I understand completely. My scans are happening that week as well. It's so nerve wracking and depressing to think about even drinking the hand lotion barium drink. Nothing about any of it is easy. I am realizing, no matter how much love I feel For my family and fear inside myself. It's never leaving. I am always going to feel this way. I don't want them to be sad by a death such as mine. I am the center of the family. I made the blending of the families happen. It was sheer joy. I don't want to cause the pain to any of them. It's been hard enough along the way already.
My estranged sister wants to see me tomorrow, it's been 13 years. Since I've laid eyes on her. It's going to be something else. I hope the stress of it all doesn't make me crumble. I'm not very strong emotinally these days and my DH is right when he says. I can't take any more stress and drama. My physical and emotional abilities have changed. I want my old self and life back. I am not enjoying this new normal we are forced to be in and thrown into and have no choices. It's cruel. You watch everyone go on around you like it's just any other day. It will never ever be anything but ABnormal.
I hope everyone is well. Ty Lynne as always for your sweet kind words. It's appreciated so much. Hugs sweet woman. ~M~
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Skitz~Always scared of progression for sure. It runs in my mind like a movie loop over and over. I try not to look back... but looking back are where my memories are. I can't avoid grieving. I feel like a part of me is already gone. I know messing with my meds has my sleep cycles off and I'm sure the balances my blood is used to. But I'm tired of feeling drugged. I don't want to sleep all the time.
I will be thinking of you and your ac tomorrow honey. I know it well.. I had it four times. Holding your hand strong woman. Thank you for reaching out. It helps tremendously.
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