My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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chilly morning!!! Omg. It went down to 26. That sure happened quickly. Where is fall! It fell apparently! I'm wrapped up in my blanket and I realize tomorrow is Veterans Day. Which means no mail or banking! I'm waiting for my check. Here Is hoping that everyone enjoys the day off tomorrow, especially any veteran!! The 🇺🇸 flies high! Thank you for your service. Men and women. Hugs and love ~M~
Waving to everyone. Been a quiet weekend. Hope that just means we are out kicking some cancer ass, living in spite of what is thrown at us. My very good friend. Isn't doing so well, she special and kind and funny. And loving her DH and her are special. It makes no sense another woman who is wonderful loosing footing with this beast as I am sure, those before have fought. And we will at some point. Please send up prayers or thoughts whatever you believe. (I don't knock what people do and don't believe.) Dianarose.... if you see this. I love you my sweet friend so much my heart hurts.
Gracie~ haven't seen you either.. hope all is well. Thinking of you !
Much love ~M~
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my sweet BFriend sent me this last night and I have been smiling ever since. I love this person deeply. Another thing I grieve over. We are so close. Like sisters. Since I was estranged from mine she not only became my best friend when she moved into the house next door. Same age, we are bonded forever. Her father died suddenly of a heart attack 11 years ago and she still has trouble. She doesn’t talk to her mother. Families are strange things. We share everything. She’s seen me through my ugly divorce and always has shown me unconditional love. I am truly blessed to have such a friend in my life. So I am thanking her here. Although she may never read it. Maybe one day when I’m gone she will. I could not ask for a more loving, kinder friend. I know she worries about me and she took the diagnosis really hard with me. But when I didn’t have hair. She didn’t care. I think there should be. Best friends day. To honor. These people who fight with us, hold our hands, and share our lives together. It’s a gift. For sure.0 -
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ugghhh, I’m going batty! I am a week past my second round of ac chemo. I so hope this round all my white and red blood counts tank like they did the first round. After this I have four more treatments of ac they want to do and at three weeks apart that takes me to feb when I’m done.
Thing is I feel ok just sitting around all day. I feel like a normal person. I get up to do stuff and I’m worn out. I can’t do much and then I feel like I did way to much. It frustrating when u think your fine and then your not. I do make it to about three days a week of work but again sit around and work. Is this normal? What the heck will I do for another three plus months? I’ve been staying in town at my moms and hardly ever drive anymore.
I think so far this is my toughest challenge with cancer. I’ve been so on go go go and now I can’t do crap. With winter coming it will make it longer and worse!
Just a rant for Sunday! Hope everyone else is doing good! I’m still here and seeing my children and talking to them everyday is what keeps me going!
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Skitz~you sound exactly like me. Except I would never be able to work. Uh no! I nap everyday. I have days where I can do more, but the medications really cause the terrible fatigue and extreme tiredness. I realize also that cancer causes a tired feeling that cannot Be explained, before treatment started for me. That's another way I knew something was wrong. No sleep was enough. So many factors...I finally had to just give in and nap. I hate it. But it is just the way it is. My hand has been giving me annoying pains. In my wrist. Just what I need. More issues. Blood work Friday. Scan the following week. I feel that there shouldn't be progression. No additional pain I didn't have before. I need to see those markers. It's Like holding your breath. I just hope I remember to breathe again. Sending you hugs. Dont be so hard on yourself. Cancer is a tough deal! Every day it's a different bag of pains and issues. Just know you're not alone.
~M~
P.s. I only drive when I have too. I no longer enjoy driving either.
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My interview for Say Yes to Hope is on U-tube. I tried typing in the link bet I guess I did I it wrong., I'll try again. I wonder if you can search by putting in my name. Vicki Medlin. Or the name of the non profit. Or the founder Suzanne Lindley. It turn out better than I. Expected, very good actually.
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you’re a beautiful lady Grannax. You should be proud. No wonder your family came out for that glamours evening. Ty for representing MbC so beautifully! Hugs 🌷🌷⭐️ Another star! ~M~
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Skitz, honestly, AC has more harsh side effects than any of the standard treatments given for Stage 4 BC. Hang in there. I feel for you. Did your MO give a reason for deciding to start with AC? Not too common for Stage 4.
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Skitz, just keep counting down. Each infusion is one more you are past and have less to do! Hang in there.
Micmel, I’m so sorry you have more on your plate with your dad. My grandma passed away from cancer in 2012. She was the closest person to me in my family. She beat breast cancer and a rare form of leukemia, but lost to colon cancer. I miss her everyday and there are many things I wish I had done differently. You learn to live with it I think. My grandma knew she wasn’t going to make it and her and my mom had been disconnected for a long time. She asked that no one tell my mom since she wanted my mom to want to be in her life just for her. My brother and I respected her wishes. My brother regrets it, but I do not. I haven’t spoken or seen my mom in 6 years. When my brother told her of my diagnosisast year she called and left me a vm crying asking me to make her feel better about my cancer. Family can be difficult. Do what you feel is best. No matter what happens you can look back and k ow you did what you felt was right and that’s all that can be asked of you in my opinion. We can’t know the future or what is the best path to follow. I wish you the best in navigating this and peace no matter what.
On another note does anyone else have the problem/habit of reading posts scanning the date someone joined to when they were last on? I’ve got to stop this. I’ve convinced myself most of the people on this site have passed away and it’s making me depressed. Almost a year has gone by since I was diagnosed stage 4. My onc said stats give a median prognosis of 2-3 years for me based on my type, mets and how I responded to treatment before. Almost 1 year trying to find a treatment that works and the time is flying by faster than I can grab hold. It’s hard to take the countdown off and replace it with a question mark in the hopes of being hopeful. I’m trying to be strong for everyone not showing my fatigue, pain and how scared I am. If I wasn’t being strong for them I would probably resemble a blanket on the floor drinking a cold glass of milk (cold milk feels good on my mouth sores) from a straw watching the news because that’s less scary.
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jfl- my liver is pretty full of mets and Xeloda didn’t work, abraxane didn’t work. My doctor pretty much said i might have a better quality of life just stopping treatment then going through any more. I won’t give up! He felt hit it hard then instead of other chemos.
I wonder why it isn’t used for stage iv much? My doctor plans six times of ac as long as it’s working. We talked about the max dose and I said well I don’t know if I want to use all six doses up if it works. I said can’t I then maybe save a few doses for down the road should I need it? The doctor said I’m young and healthy and I have a good heart. If need Be he will use it again if it is lifesaving.
I’m hoping to clear out some of the liver then go for y90.
Sars
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parry, I read dates too and ughgh it makes me sick. I have seen a lot of people though go way beyond the average they give. People with liver mets who try three things and then all of a sudden one works. One lady is 16 years in and had it in her liver early and then did a trial and it never came back. I so wish all time I’d catch a break or oh I hope that is me too.
In March it will be three years for me. I just can’t think of my life being over. I get so frustrated that nothing is working for my liver. I’m sick to my stomach when I get the bad news. I get mad it was me who got this, what did I do wrong. I try to look at the positives though. I read kids dying of cancer, sudden heart attacks all kinds of bad things. At least I got the time I did.
Why do we hide all the pain and suffering and aches and pains. Why do we act like we are a ok? We are not and some days I think we need people to hear our story. We try to be strong and that shouldn’t be our focus on the rest of lives.
Easier said than done.
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Parry darling, I am sorry about you grandmother. Loosing someone close really sucks. I’m about to find out. We used to be very close. I have a big heart. Parents are a set you only get once in life. Two of you get good stepparents... I know it’s going to be rough, seriously rough. I have had dreams about this day. I knew it was coming. It was obviously only a matter of time.
I think it’s normal to look at when people were diagnosed, you look for the bond of that horrible timing in your life. We all long to see people who have lived a long time. It’s normal. I know I do it without even realizing.
You’re a strong beautiful woman... one day a time. ~M~0 -
Parry, not only do I check those dates, but I also find that I get more scared as each day passes. Statistically we all have 2-3 years after dx. I’m coming up on 18 months already, my 5th line of treatment and now nodules in lungs and a soft tissue met (tumor in a muscle). What can we do? How do we deal with this? I guess the good news is the fact that we aren’t alone.. we have each other.
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JFL~ Hello there. I just wanted to peep in here about the AC chemo. When I was diagnosed Stage four out of the gate. My oncologist immediately started to order ibrance for me. I went to see my gyno surgeon and he was like whoa. We need to get that off of your liver like now. You're too young!! I went into immediate AC chemo and then follows by 9 abraxane.... So surgeons think differently than the oncologists do. That man made it so my liver was history by performing a liver resection. At the same time of my mastectomy. He told me he fondled my liver to make sure nothing else felt odd or out of the ordinary the last time I saw him, he said I hope I never see you again. He was one of those doctors that said to me “if you were my wife I would absolutely do this “. It depends on the doctor for sure. But if you feel like you want to try a treatment. You should speak up
Loudly!! I adore you ladies and want everyone to hear the words cure. Keep warm!
Much love ~M~
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Shelia~Yes we do have each other. Never give up. I was thrilled when my doctor wasn't like oh no. Liver resection. You can have up to 70% of your liver grow back. The key is location. If no major lobes are affected. Then it is something that is an option. I would always ask about every and any possible treatments with liver. Ask until you can't ask anymore. Second, third, opinions. Seek out IR interventional radiologist, that perform those procedures. It's vital!
I am always thinking of you. Tuesday I go see my father. I'm already nervous. Scared. You name it. One foot in front of the other. Is all we can do. Hugs to you sweet woman.
Much love to all ! ~M~
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micmel- I had a laugh when you said “he fondled my liver”
I guess any fondling is good with cancer bc most the times I just don’t feel lovey or sexy or closeness.
You have a hard week all around coming up. Praying for closure with your father. Scanxiety on top of it all, uggghh. It never ends!
Sleep well all
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skitz~ why do we hide the pain and suffering.?? Wow. That was a heavy thing to read. I do the same thing. I guess it's becuase women don't really have the nature of looking weak. We give birth, we fight with our hearts for our lives and our families and would even if we didn't have cancer. It's just our way. I don't like to be looked at with those sad puppy dog eyes and know that inside of them they think I already have one foot in the grave. People are afraid of cancer. Sometimes it's why we loose friends and people just can't handle it. But that is such a good question. To ask. Why do we hide it. ? I do it for my kids. My son was with me the day I found out it really was stage four. He didn't even have an expression. I know he couldn't even think. It was a silent ride home. I wanted to scream and cry and fall apart. But I didn't. Deep down I already knew anyway. I held it together. I think we spare others feelings before our own. What do you ladies think ?
Much love ~M~
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Parry, I also check signatures and last seen info. Sometimes I get sad seeing the inevitability of the situation here but sometimes I am also surprised at how long some people hang around here.
Skitz and Micmel, it sounds like both of your MOs had good reasons for giving you AC or A. In thinking through it more, it may not be given much for stage 4 because most of us had it when we were early stage and have the lifetime limit to keep in mind. Doxil also contributes to that limit but at a fraction of the amount. I think they do that to be safe (liability - black box warning to avoid lawsuits) but it appears Doxil doesn't impact the heart in the same way.
Micmel, like Skitz, I too was laughing hearing about the surgeon "fondling" your liver.
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JFL~He is a good doctor for sure. I am thankful that they thought outside the box, my breast surgeon even said. It wasn't protocol that they operate on stage four with a liver resection. It was because I only had one small spot. They felt it was worth it. It ended up in my bone, but im hoping to ride the ibrance train as long as I am able too, and keep it out of main organs.
That's what we all I want. Damn cancer !!
Goodnight ladies. ~M~
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..........I thought this was so cute. Lol. This place does provide some good laughs! Hugs to all0 -
micmel Thank you for your sweet compliment. I hope everyone one here gets to see it. Especially those considering y90, like you skitzblitz. It's on the liver mets local treatment y90 thread if you want to watch it. Not everyone has exactly the same experience that I did. I think it's best to be evaluated by IR soon, maybe even before you start chemo. That way you'll have his opinion and be ready when the time comes.💞
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only speaking the truth Grannax! You carried yourself with grace and supplied a ton of hope to women. The dress was perfect for you right down to the jewelry. I loved your hair. Everything. I am so happy that you got to keep the dresss and etc... you deserve it! 😊
I see my Dad tomorrow, already feeling anxiety about it. Saw my daughter today. It was a nice visit. Spent a good few hours with her talking and watching some shows. I can't believe she doesn't have her silly little bangs anymore. Time flys. Now they are grown. She's married... my father is dying... reality is really checking in!! Hope all is well for everyone.
Mae~Hope you're ok
Minnie~ uncle Home ok? how is your pain?
Tanya~Hello lovely. Hope you're doing good!
The Lynne's ~Cold enough for you guys last two nights ?
Pots~I know we all have scanning. Coming. Boy I hate that
Parry~sorry about your dog.
Daniel~ Hello to Leslie and family!
Scwilly~Haven't seen you. Thinking of you
Lynnwood~ out of the funk please !!
Runor~ hi there 😊
Muddling ~ you're also on my mind.
Bella~ Hello lovely lady!
JKL~ Happy Monday! Not!
JFL~ how are things today?
Bigbhome ~ missing you
Gracie~Hope you're still feeling as good as last time we spoke !
Chicagoan~Just a Little Hello so we know you're ok ?
GP....footprints.....MissBianca! 🤲❤️
Masons~Hoping you're warm wherever you call Home!
Elleonwheels~Haven't seen you either!
Sheila~ you're always on my mind. Sending positive thoughts!
Egads~~ Hello to you too!
Sandibeaches~I would love to be on a beach right about now under an umbrella. Listening to waves.!!
Skitz~Hope you're ok today!
Peaches~😊
Stilllivin~ where you been hiding. ??
Divine~Have you sat on your porch ? Or will you have to wait seasons again?
If i have forgotten anyone I'll be back!
Much love ~M~
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...........this pic cracked me up!! I needed a good laugh. Lol. Smile a little. You know you want too!!! Lol0 -
Good afternoon all,
I went for breakfast at the beach with my sergeant friend. She was off today for Veterans Day. We ate took a nice walk on the beach. It winded me bc I'm so out of shape. We talked about doing another race together. I haven't even thought of that since my diagnosis but I did see Mae do a race so I may just drag walk myself and get that medal.
I'm on the phone with PET scan facility to make sure that they send my results to my Dr. tomorrow in time for my appointment so I can be done with the waiting anxiety game. I've been on hold for 12 minutes already. sigh
Have a good day.
Tanya
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With you in your pocket. Tanya!!!
Go for the walk trot. You if anyone can do it. You're amazing!
~M~
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........here is my Deeohgee on watch. He must feel my uncertainty with my feelings in going into visit my father tomorrow morning. I myself feel extremely exhausted mentally already. It’s funny how they know when we aren’t quite right!! Goodnight everyone !0 -
Micmel, I'm sending you warm hugs & lots of strength for your visit with your dad tomorrow. I can only imagine how you are feeling but I think you will be happy that you are making this effort. No matter how imperfect the relationship, he is your father & there was a time that meant a great deal to you. You now have the opportunity to say goodbye & I hope that brings you some peace. You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow.
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Micmel, good luck! The team is cheering for you. It may be a hard day ahead, but you can do it
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Micmel, when you get overwhelmed or stressed tomorrow, you'll feel me in your pocket. I'm a little smooth white pebble, calming, cool and strong. You've got this....you can do it. Oh and remember to breathe.
Ladies, you're amazing...what a great community we have here. I have my CT scan on Wednesday and see the MO on Nov 27. The plan is that I either stay on aromasin alone if no change and things are stable, or add in Afinitor. Either way, I'm planning a dream trip to Australia and New Zealand for January...if not now, when?
Why do I hide the pain and suffering? Mainly to Protect my kids...even though they are in their 30s I still want to keep them innocent of the ugliness of this disease. There is enough ugliness that they will have to see and be part of as I decline, I also don't want to scare them too much....I'm more open and honest with my DH...he just doesn't know what to say some days to support me.
It does feel like I have a time clock ticking....I'm 18 months now with MBC. So if I believe the stats then i'm about half way.....at first I thought I would be dead by 3 years after seeing the stats. Now I think I have longer b/c of the new drugs that we have and the different ways we're being treated. The stats haven't caught up yet. In the meantime, I'm living life the best I can. Grannax/Tanya you’re an inspiration....we may have a disease that is trying to kill us but we’re not dead yet.
Be well,
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Micmel, you will be on my mind tomorrow. I hope you get out of the visit with your father what you are looking for. You are a very strong woman. Many hugs!
Suz
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