My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel, I agree with you and Holmes that that would be wonderful! Just not very feasable.
Waiting to hear from Grannax, did I miss her posting?
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Got cut off!!!
Mae, so glad to hear your ct scan news!!!! Except for the anger part. I'm experiencing a little problem with that myself, wondering what's causing mkne...I'm clueless!
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Gracie~She did post a little while back. Maybe even earlier today. She’s waiting to schedule her bx. Of her liver. Having cancer isn’t feasible is it ?? Yuck. Hugs my friend 🌷😊~M~
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I'm back on the boards, if only maybe temporary, after what's been a horrendous few weeks. Full story on Liver thread. But I'm now back better balanced and feeling better and able to get out (albeit in a wheelchair) and do my Christmas shopping. My boys (20 & 22) are back from college - came a week early because we we're so worried about me. I'm being treated like a princess by my DH, DS's and family that has flown out form the UK. Though I feel I can thunk of only a few weeks ahead I am more relaxed with my situation.
I'm sending lots of love to all of you. I would love to visit and comment more regular but until now is been impossible to concentrate and be on my laptop for any time.
With love as always for successful and comfortable treatments for you all.
Sarah
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Mae, a word about tamoxifen induced anger. I have it. I have a short fuse. It has taken me a while to figure out why but after some serious compiling of hard evidence and a few double blind trials I have come to a conclusion: there are too many stupid people.
Stupid people can be identified by the following traits: they chew very loudly and smack a lot. They put whatever is in their hand down on the first flat surface and leave it there for 3 years. Despite having designated places to put their used or in-use clothing they feel that dirty items should be scattered about as if seeding wildflowers. They say things like, "Are you gaining weight and was that haircut your own idea or did something go wrong?"
That we should want to throat punch stupid people is not a reflection on us but an automatic universal reaction to stupid people. True story. I happen to know that every day somewhere on this planet a stupid person is ass kicked by someone who is NOT on tamoxifen. So, this has nothing to do with tamoxifen and everything to do with the global dislike of those who chew loudly, drop their clothes and speak without thinking. It was never my duty to happily tolerate anyone else's bullshit. So, that I tolerate it less now has more to do with feeling like life might be shorter, rather than my fuse is shorter. Mae, there is nothing wrong with you at all.
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Runor, ROFl!!! Love your scientific research. I trust your results😂.
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Results day! Scared shirtless (excuse the language)! I've had a bad few days, lost my temper badly with people I love, over nothing. Usually when I do this it's because there's something on the horizon. It's not always good. Am truly scared what's coming!
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Scwilly~I am very sorry to hear that you have been having such up and down and up and down. I guess it's totally what this disease brings us. It's nice to see you here and I'm glad that your sweet sons have come home when you needed them the most. I love to hearthat you're being taken care of. You're a special woman who deserves the best.
Runor~ I have to agree with Bella. ROTF! I so much enjoy your humor. My dogs are indeed looking at me like I am nuts. That happens a lot when you post. I swear you could be a comedian. We all have the ranger!! I don't even take tamoxifen!!!!
Gracie~ Honey~I am in your pocket waiting with you. Hoping for good news. You deserve it. You are such a fighter and a strong woman. I don't mind. The language even though you didnt even curse. Lol go back and read you precious woman. 💙 waiting and holding your hand. Much love ~M~
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Me too Gracie. Okay, so I found yesterday that my cancer has progressed in my lung, chest and liver. No doubt I need to change TX. But first I will have my liver BX this week, then start AA on December 31.
I am seriously SICK of surprises. I thought my lung was fine, almost gone in the last PET. Not, only that but the one in the liver has morphed into several. Plus the one we were all so focused on went away. What?!?! Four radiologists are completely mystified by what they are seeing and not seeing. My MO said bizarre, yep that's me, the zebra phenomenon is back. I do bizarre/rare/zebra very well. UGH I'm ready to be plain Jane, garden variety, follow the rules Granna.
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Good Grief. Grannax~I’m actually afraid to say this because I’m following right behind you in the months of ibrance being effective. It seems like it works for a time period and then you explode. Many people I have noticed this to be the case with. Almost as if, it’s forming without detection and then bam. It’s detected! I am assuming that is why they give the medium of Pfs as they do, that must be the pattern it seems. The trials tell the story of results and they aren’t lacking in a current statistic because it’s a newer oral chemo. God help us all. I just hope your next TX kicks the shit out of it all. Seriously. Like enough. All you precious ladies deal with. I just wish there was something that could be done and we could have confidence again. Living in fear blows! I Am truly thinking of you.
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Runor, preach it girl! When I think of the situations that prompted the anger, it was always from a stupid person or comment as the cause. I can already hear the inner voice “it’s not me, it’s you, dumbass!”, thanks for that 😀
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Mae- I think that way and my mouth has gotten a lot looser since diagnosis. I use to hold what I am feeling back but now what ever I think I just blurt out. I have never been that way; people are very surprised. I'm not even on tamoxifen. I think the anger builds up at the cancer and we just get frustrated that nothing or no one can help us. You are like me in that you like to have control over the situation ( I think they call us type A) and we don't have any control over this disease. But there are always the stupid people and the comments they make also:)
Schwilly- I am sorry that you have been having a hard time of it but thankfully your sons are here to cater to you:)
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Grannax, am sorry to hear your news! When I failed Ibrance is when I had the most progression too. It’s gotten better though! Hoping and praying that Affinitor kicks cancers butt!!!!
Micmel, omg Lol!!! I thought I said the other word!!! How funny is that Lololol!!!!
Ok, my news, lots of healed spots, still a few active, the one in my liver is stable. Starting back in Abraxane after the first of the year 25% reduction. We’ll see how it goes month to month. He said Xeloda would for sure he next for me and he’s going to do Foundation One testing on what they have of my last biopsy! All in all, I’m happy considering I’ve been five weeks with no chemo at all
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Thanks Gracie. Did you ever take Afinitor? I've heard Xeloda is good for liver mets. I think I'd rather have that one than AA.
I'm so frustrated with my MO office. They have not even sent the orders to my I R yet. Please pray that they will be sent early tomorrow so that I will have a chance for Thursday or Friday.
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I haven’t taken Affinitor yet, Grannax but it is one of the chemo’s on my oncologists short list
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Holmes~I feel the same way you do. I am very mood trigger. It can be anything really. Even things I do myself. It's annoying. People bother me in traffic, people annoy me walking, stupid ass things they say. Dumb doctors some nurses even though I adore most of them.
And let's face it most women are responsible for the memories that are made within the family. Then we are mean for wanting to have everyone there. Holidays being stress. My DH has a birthday on the 24th and he always said it's the worst birthday to have. I have to agree after all these years. Who wants cake after all the Christmas goodies ? I always try to make a big deal out of it for him. But dang it's hard to do!!
Gracie~ see even when you try to be mischievous it doesn't work. You're just too pure a soul. 😘it did make me laugh. Personally I thought it was adorable🤗I am pleased that your results were sounding better than you had expected. That is always a good thing. I hope Hope the lower doseage of abraxane will help with your side effects. Hugs to you beautiful friend!
Okay where has Lynne (Man) been?. Starting to worry about her.
Minnie?? Masons...you ok?
Grannax~ they better get on the ball. The nicest squeak gets the grease. Be sweet but be persistent! I hope they move their butts swiftly. Why are we always waiting for others to let us know about our own bodies. Hugging you gently. ~M~
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Micmel.....I just love your word ranger....describes the feeling exactly. Runor, you're spot on.
Mae, I had a little run in today at the cancer agency records office when I was looking for a letter I was told was waiting for me. Turns out there was no letter and the secretary who should know all said there was no record of one. Sigh, so I was a little abrupt and cut her off and I sounded peeved talking to her...now I probably have a red sticker on my file saying “trouble" or “beware, has anger management issues”. Grr. I have less patience for incompetence and/or stupidity, especially when i’m Not feeling great. My BS tolerance is pretty much close to zero these days. Any tips are welcomed.
Gracie, great news. Grannax, news of your progression sucks. Zebras....I may be one too. Do you have to pay for the foundation one test or will your insurance cover it?
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Pots~ranger we all have I think, it's something they should hand you, when you're diagnosed. It should say “get out of jail free card, not responsible for outbursts or ass beatings" it's a tangled web we get caught in. Once you're in the system you move along ..... tests.....scan..... beep.... hold your breath..... chonk chonk... bang bang...... breathe. I'm so sick of it all. Fu cancer team. Activate! Right Mae?
Daniel ~ I wanted to say that you should have Leslie checked out soon. You don't want anything like that growing. If they find it now maybe they can zap the hell out of it. Another issue could be inflammation. Also how is her iron. I get terrible headaches when I don't eat enough and inflammation runs rampant in our bodies everywhere. It could be a nerve being infringed. Eye doctor. Stat! Love you guys. Hug Leslie for me. She is such a powerful force! Much love ~M~
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Micmel, I touched base with Lynne a few days ago. Her appointment at Dana Farber was yesterday, so maybe she will post an update. As always, she is a very busy person. I was exhausted just reading about her schedule for the next week.
I gotta go, but I will post more later.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Pots. No I didn't have to pay for it. My MO says that insurance will pay for one, either Foundation One or Caris . Caris actually gives a more extensive report that Foundation One. I'm in the process of scheduling a liver BX, I'm glad she will send it to Caris this time. It does take a couple of months to come back though.
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Hey Melissa, thank you for thinking about us. We are going to schedule a brain MRI and ophthalmologist visit asap. She already has a CT and sonogram lined up for the last day of the year. How fun, huh!?
Much love to y'all gals.
On a side note, snow has finally hit Northern Italy! I am wondering how I can get to work on time tomorrow...
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I read a quote a long time ago that has stuck with me. "Good people are not always nice and nice people are not always good."
We are TRAINED HARD to be 'nice'. Look at how many of us feel bad about having 'short tempers' . In some cases, those short tempers are justified. For example, there are many, many people in jobs that they should NOT be in. They keep those jobs because instead of holding them to some sort of reasonable standard, we are all 'nice' and let them off the hook for crap service or behaviour. Then we feel bad about ourselves when we do snap. I say to hell with that bullshit! I am done feeling bad (okay, that'a a lie, I still feel bad, but I suck it up and soldier on anyway). My job is not to be 'nice', but to be fair. To be considered. To gather all the facts. To lay blame where blame deserves to be laid. But in those moments when the gloves have to come off, I have become a lot more ready to throw down.
In this cancer circus I have learned that no one is looking out for me. I have fallen through the cracks more than once. I was never blessed with a 'team'. Had I not picked up the phone more than once and griped, I'd still be waiting for a phone call that never would have come! I have learned how to Speak Up. This is not the same as pushing my way to the front of the line forgetting that others are lined up also. There is no excuse to not be civilized or decent. But there is also no reason to sit there with my finger up my nose while some desk jockey blows over a problem that THEY created. Uh ... no ... fix it or we're going to have a situation.
Life is short. Do I need to tell any of you that? No I do not. If you have been short tempered because you are not keeping a close eye on your behaviour, then that is bad. But if you are short tempered because people truly are being turds, then BE MAD! Snap! Snarl! Refuse to accept shoddy treatment or service! Yes, sometimes things go wrong and mistakes happen, no need to freak out just as long as those problems are being fixed by the responsible parties. But too often our 'being nice' is a way to allow the evil in the world to grow, unchecked. Being nice is grossly over-rated. Instead I say, be good. Sometimes that includes being good and MAD! You have my permission.
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Lynne(50's)~Thank you... I appreciate knowing she's doing ok. I know she's embarking on another new treatment. I appreciate knowing because as we know I'm a worrier...hope you're well. Hope DH is well also.
Daniel~ Leslie..... I really hope it turns out to be inflammation. Radiation has been known to be very helpful if needed. I always think about the people on this thread. Please give her my best. Let her know she's on my good thoughts list every single day.
Runor~ Can we just call them Dicks? Sorry. But I agree with the people should not have some Jobs. Completely. The incompetence that my DH has to tolerate in his job is unreal. I absolutely hate the stories of complete utter fools. But somehow they keep their jobs. How I have no idea. . I think you could be a a writer. !! Hugs my girl. ~M~
Grannax~ thinking of you and this adjustment phase ! Hugs
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Good afternoon ladies and Daniel
Grannax and 50's Lynn you guys are in my prayers. New tx bx anything new and cancerous is worthy of prayers second opinions and a miracle.
Pots and Mae I think we all are entitled to some anger emotional outbursts etc. It is hard to stay even tempered while we deal with the whining annoying folks around us and a life threatening diagnosis.i have a friend who didn't get the grooming that Runor wrote about and she immediately will cuss someone smooth out. I have to say I admire her sometime. She doesn't have the hanger on relatives and Whiney coworkers/family in her circle. I don't choose to always Be like her but I think the shock value of her assertiveness When she checks some incompetent is priceless.
I have found that my patience is shorter now than it ever has been.
Scwilly I read your post on liver Mets. You've been through a major trial. I hope you enjoy your holiday and sons being home.
Gracie happy for your good news.
I'm at the end of ibrance and had my infusion shots and nupagen this week. Low wbc has me exhausted.
Take care all.
Tanya
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Tanya~ Hello lovely. I am laying in bed after a nap and i should be wrapping presents instead of sleeping. I just can't help it. Four more days on my cycle then a week off. I welcome the break. My mouth welcomes it also. I also dont have as many patience as I used to to-for my own health issues.. I don't want to hear about someone’s incredibly painful hangnail. Yah no thanks. Grrrrrrr the nerve. I was like um 😐 really ? Sometimes I know people just don't plain think.
GP~ Hello.🌷
Divine. Where have you been?
Miss Bianca..hope all is well love to all of you ladies. Egads.... you doing well too I hope? ~M~
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Hi Micmel, all fine here. Catching up last few days posts. So busy at the moment which is good as keeps my mind of scan next Friday 28th. Thinking of everyone and wil pot when I've caught up
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Minnie~Glad to see your beautiful self here. You know worrisome I can get. I am just pleased it's just because you're so busy. Atta girl. Get to living that life. Much love to all!
Mae~ or anyone really who enjoys a Really funny stand up show. iLza Sherlinger. Elder millennial. So funny so enjoyable. Cancer who? When you're watching this for sure ladies!! I loved it so much!
Much love special second family
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Hi everyone!
Just chiming in about anger. I had a short fuse before BC and now it’s even shorter. One day this girl at school, who was in my classes, was saying over and over how she just wants to die she has so much work just kill her now die die die. I could have slapped her. Must be nice to be able to have the luxury of saying that without meaning. Long story short I’ve realised that it’s lersepctive. She never went through anything tough so to her that was the worst. It’s like the first time you get a paper cut. Hurts like a b****, but to someone who has been shot they would welcome the paper cut. I still get mad but try to remeber this when I get worked up.
I still need to get Christmas stuff and wrapped...such a procrastinator this year 😩 Hope all you lovelies are doing ok this week
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So, beginning Sunday, this correspondent will be reporting in from New Orleans for our 18th wedding anniversary (Xmas eve). I’ve never been, so lots of new food and drinks!
Crossing another one off the bucket list 😃
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Parry~I have so much wrapping to do I can't even tell you. I have even tried to start some this week. I never feel like I'm done or I ever have enough. Norm one decoration up this year. I realized what a big help my daughter really was last year. She was the decorator. I helped for sure. But this year with my dad and scanning timing and it seems like thanksgiving came quicker for some reason and I never got caught back up.
Mae~That is so awesome. I hooe you can fear yourself away from anniversary activities to snap some cool photos. I've never been there either. Happy Anniversary my friend 😊❤️🌹🌸💐🌺 that's pretty darn amazing 18 wedding anniversary. 18 more on tap! Hugs to you. Do you still have your house guest ??
Much love ~M~
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