My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel and Gracie, my fall was last winter, right after dx when you could have knocked me over with a feather I was so weak. I'd been so strong before, and actually doing exercises just to prevent falls and being able to get up easily if I did fall. Then..mbc and all of that gone in a puff of smoke. I'm stronger now and it would take at least a soft pillow to knock me down, LOL. I thank you for your good wishes for me.
Parry, best wishes for the weddings. Please share pics if you feel comfortable doing that.
Waving to everyone!
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BooBoo~Hello there darling. I feel as if this is my place, and my second home honestly..I also love it the way we share everything together. You belong here and I'm glad you're finally here! Looking forward to lunch! How exciting!
Mae~ it is certainly a recliner day. I just woke up, sleep is so peaceful. I ran two errands this morning and then and Home and went to bed. I didn't sleep well last night at all. One of those nights I suppose. Yuck
Marian~Hope the chemo is quick and over. I hate when I loose a post. Sometimes mine freezes in mid sentence. Bugs the heck out of me... always good to see you!!
Gracie~ Hello darling. Hope you're doing well... hope your holidays were smooth and easy. Hugs to you sweet lady.
Muddling~I'm afraid to walk anywhere. Always afraid to fall... my feet sometimes feel like rubber. It comes and goes... falling isnscray stuff. My mom fell this weekend had to call 911 to get up. Her husband couldn't do it. She's alone a lot. Just like my dad. Ugh. Both aging. I'm sick. No one else is reliable. Stress is hard. She wants to move back here near me. I can barely take of myself. If that happens. It will put a lot all on me. My sister and my mother don't talk, haven't for a long long time as well. I'd say 10 years maybe more. Seems to run in the family.. I am glad you weren’t hurt.
Hugs to you ladies. Thinking of all with scans and results. In your pocket!! Pots ? You ok too?
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Marian Eliz, ultrasound is to see if there is anything lurking somewhere because I am passing 'occult' blood in my urine. I had a three day cytology urine test, checking for cancer cells among other things, and it came back normal. But doc ordered US anyway, just to be sure and cover all bases. I should feel happy that I am getting thorough medical care from a doctor who is actually involved (unlike that last lump of whatever that I finally left, ohhh that makes me so mad!). But I just HATE this treadmill of doctor visits. I never just ' have a test' anymore. It always feels like the hand of doom is waiting to reach out and bitch slap me into the street.
Thinking of you ME and everyone else with all the stuff that you all have going on in your lives. It's amazing that any of us get out of bed.
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I don’t get out of bed many days. But that’s ok. When I do it’s for a good reason. I make those days count. I sometimes hate doctors. Sometimes love them. It depends on what they are saying to me of course. When I first was assigned to my oncologist and I was early into the visits. I asked my surgeon so what stage are we talking here? She said oh I’d say two. I asked her then could it have spread? She said they weren’t worried about that right now. That as the time frame all the testing was being done. When I saw my Japanese oncologist for the first time he told me at least stage three. Because of the size of my tumor. Every single time I saw him, he was doing nothing but giving me bad news. Then one day he said. “Someday cancer will take your life” “ I think around 3 years max.” Although you’re young and strong. That was before my gyno surgeon was like uh no way. We are taking that spot off of your liver now! Because it had spread, I was stage four. Whamo! I don’t really remember walking out of his office and down the hallway that day.... I just know my DH had my hand in disbelief and shock as we almost floated out the elevator. The ride home was very quiet. It will be three years January 22. 2019. I am considered in remission... so look out cancer the team FU cancer doesn’t mess around. (Parry’s name for us!). One never knows what any tx can do! Love to all! Glad you had a good result Runor !! Missed you!0 -
Thanks Gracie, think the scanxiety is a bit ott. Wish I didn't have to wait so long but because of extra long holidays here, we have the festival of The Kings on 5 January, therefore keeping me back to 8th. Good to hear from Mary Jane, Grannax. I have been busy over Christmas and New Year so sometimes I just didn't have the energy to keep up with posting. My prayers are with all going through difficulties, I celebrate with those with good results. You are all in my heart, even though we will never meet. Does anyone know of Zarovka, she is such a warrior. I hope she is ok. We have had a lovely period of weather over new year, even spending a few hours on my sun lounger in shorts!! Micmel, I have heard of the slamming thing too, but would not do it, where does it go? Yuk. Hope it's gone soon x
Love to al xx
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Minnie~Hello darling I had the same thing happen to me when it was thanksgiving and they Ran a week behind and I wasn't happy at all. I started breaking out my internal contacts within the office to get the results. Another reason why I am always more than nice to the staff/nurses because they give me information. I mean it's our body..we should know first!! I am in your pocket while you wait. And I am always so glad to see you always !! Hugs and love ~M~
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Family sucks sometimes seriously. Like I don't even know why so many people cannot just live life the best you can as a person. Mind your own business and work hard at what you can do. I have been seeing my sister regularly and i really love it. It's been great and it feels like it's never changed! My sister takes care of my great niece,because her mother is incarcerated and has been on and off her entire young adult life. It's sad. My sister has a lot on her and she has to raise a child of age 11 all over again, and she is 54 and has some issues with her legs and circulation. She works hard every day in lots of ways.
My step monster has decided that since my sister didn't come to their house for Christmas this year , it was because she and I have started talking again. That I am poisoning her against them. To be honest I never discussed Christmas with her and we planned for the Friday after. It makes sense because for the entire holiday season I couldn't get a hold of my father. Now I realize that was intentional again because the hag blamed me for my sister not wanting to drag her 11 year old away from her house on Christmas to spend it with a mean hag and a daughter that is a lazy thief and sucks off everyone she can. She made her own decisions, I had nothing to do with it. I have no tolerance for games. My condition will not allow for stress! It's crazy really. All I want it to have a relationship with my father before he passes. That's all, plus having my sister back. Drama is what I tried to leave behind. I realize it isn't my sister at all. She's been fine. Shielding me from. The idiots... ugh. That's my rant today. Thanks for letting me 🤮 it out! Much love to all !
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So sorry, Micmel. Just when you thought your stepmonster was putting your dad’s needs first, she does this. I’m betting she’ll reach out to you when she needs a break or wants some help with your dad. But, given his current physical condition, you may not want to wait until that happens. Would you feel comfortable reaching out to her (maybe by text) and offering to spend a little time with your dad to give her a break? It would probably be difficult to say something conciliatory to her but it would be for your benefit and your dad’s so it might be worth it. I don’t want you to lose him without having more time with him. After he’s gone, you can ignore the old hag as much as you want!
Shelia, you’ve been in my thoughts lately. I hope that you’re feeling better and that your shortness of breath has been resolved. That is a scary thing to experience! And, as if cancer and other health issues aren’t enough, you are dealing with a lot of emotional issues. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to learn of your son/daughter’s situation. We all want life to be happy and easy for our children and it’s hard to imagine that she won’t face some unusual difficulties in the future. In a way, you need time to mourn the loss of your son. As 50sgirl said, it must have taken an incredible amount of courage to acknowledge those feelings and to discuss them with you. But I’m sure that love will help you find a way to be a supportive, compassionate mother to your child. I’ll be praying for you, your family and your friends.
Wishing all of you here a Happy New Year!
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JKL~Ty for your good ideas. She has said I could call her anytime. When I told my DD that she was like, uh no! I'll take care of it. My DD got her protective hat on and sprung into action! She demanded a key to go and see him at anytime we wanted and she was getting him life alert. I'm supposed to see him Wednesday. Hopefully she won't interfere.. stupid family sometimes!! Always glad to see you sweetheart! Hope all is well in your world. 💐
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Michael, I am glad that your sister is making an attempt to shield you. Rant on! But I so much hope you can see your dad.
I had a Messenger chat with one of my sisters last night and thankfully this is all we need to do every once in awhile. My favourite sister and her wonderful husband are coming from NS end of month to cat and house sit and visit us either end of our 2 weeks away sailing (we hope though MO gave me the 2 weeks off Paclitaxel so unless I get sick, it will be a go). They did the same last year and it worked out well as they are our favourite visitors who never require anything but do lots for us. But for the rest of my siblings it is not easy so I try to stay away.
Runor, I both hope that the ultrasound is clear and that by the end of your year 1 of the non stop appts. running your life come to an end and then you can head towards less thinking of cancer in your life.
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Micmel, I love that your DD got all protective of you. You raised her well!! I hope that your dad is doing well and that the two of you get to share some special moments together. Sending you lots of love.
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Just wanted to pop in and give an update and say everyone have a comfortable and successful year for 2019. I don't have much energy so haven't been posting or even reading for a while. Im so sorry not to rely to people individually.
I am chugging along with my Cisplatin treatment. I've had 2 of the three weekly treatments so far so haven't been scanned so I dont know precisely whether it's working. But my health is so much better than before. I'm thankfully not on those other pesky chemos the were weekly and I never seemed to recover from (though a little sad to be crossing them off the list of treatments so quickly) When I go see my MO in just over a week, we will discuss whether I add immunotherapy to the Cisplatin. Its not a combination thats been trialed but I cant seem to take the chemos that have been. My stomach is a little swollen from my liver expanding and perhaps some water retention. (I have forgotten he right word 'aest' something). I joke with my DH that this is now my beer belly. He has definitely cultured his over the last few week with seasonal over consumption. I cant wear tight clothes now just stretchy leggings. My older son went back to college in Seattle today. We have booked him a number of flights using the Southwest points my DH has built-up with his business travels. Each return flight consting us only $11.60! and we can rearrange if needed, without loosing the points. My younger DS, a Sophomore, has decided to take a semester off. He goes to college in Boston - so a weekend home to California would be difficult. He will still be able to graduate on time as he has credits from APs and he's also going to do a summer program in Prague. He definitely felt relieved when he finally decided. He has some projects he wants to do and will also look for some work. (Also hoping to do some film work as his major is Film Production) With my DS being here to help me (I'm not too bad but I'm not driving and can need help around the house fetching things and going shopping etc ) it means my DH can go back to work full time as he's been working remotely part time using up vacation/sick time to take him back to full time pay. His boss and company have be so good and flexible supporting us. I am trying to hope for the best, and plan future things but its very hard. I dearly want to make it to my DS June graduation and am planning a trip to Seattle to be there.
Love for 2019
Sarah
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Marian~thank you for your kind words. My sister has been wonderful and I enjoy the laughter that she brings back into my life. That cannot be bad at all. I just hope that my father keeps stable until then! I hope you're doing well after your. Chemo this week.
My grand doggie Chief's Grand pa is not doing well and had loads of fluid in his lung.. he was waiting until after Christmas. he didn't want to ruin it. This is a lovely family. All of them I adore so much. Send good vibes, wishes or anything you can muster. Good family. Good people, who again doesnt deserve this.
JKL~ my DD has come a long way since our issue and problem. I am proud of the woman she is becoming. Nothing to do with religion, just her heart. She is recognizing contributions and support and loyalties. My son is also stepping up more. His work has made a difference in him already. Hope you're well also my friend
Scwilly~glad you're feeling better. You deserve a nice break from side effects and issues. You are a tough trooper! I wish you nothing but the best for you continually this year and fromNow on!
Much love ~M~
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..........This is my baby Chief all grown up. That is a kitchen table his chin is on! Huge! Puppy! Falling asleep watching his mama owner eating. Nothing but best to grand pa!! Wishing him well...
His granddaughter isChiefs mama is someone,I consider my daughter. I love her. The entire family is having turmoil daily. I want nothing but things to straighten out for them. 😞
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Micmel,
I'm in love with Chief. I can't wait to see him in person when I come to see you. You are only about 1/2 hour from me, so let me know when you are up for a visit!
I can relate to family issues. I've had my share. I also have a dear sister who I call “my person". She has been with me through my entire MBC journey, the good, bad, and the ugly! I treasure her so much. As for the family members (or extended members) who don't treat you with respect and compassion, I agree with Marian...just stay away!
Hope to see you soon, my dear friend.
Laurie
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BooBoo~I am going to post a puppy picture of Chief. He was precious beyond precious. I am recovered from the holidays. Although his rain stinks. I was thinking perhaps some weekday next week. We can talk about the day when we chat next. Which we can do like
Monday. DH is up and I am happy. 😬😬 much love and cannot wait. Hugs ~M~
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......this was about 9 weeks old. Precious pup0 -
Good evening ladies. A few hours ago I got a text message from someone here I am extremely close to. This person is the first person to actually personal message me about the heading of my thread. This text message today has had my heart still and I have been lost in tears and sadness ever since. Please everyone say prayers if you believe in them, if you do not then send good thoughts or vibes. Many of you may know her from around sometimes. A good sweet woman, Dianarose.
Today she texted me telling me she was saying goodbye, and she loved me and thanked me for being her friend. She thanked me for being her friend? I am lucky to be her friend.....This woman is amazing. She then followed it with I have chosen to move into hospice and I will only Be surrounded by family at this point. It was so surreal. She's always pulled through. Always. She is creative and a baker who has won many many ribbons to prove it. She is a mother who loves her family so much. Her DH is a good man who is still battling prostate cancer as well. I just can't believe this is happening. Some new year already. I have to brace myself for what this new year may bring even myself at any given scan or moment. Hang on to each day. Because once hospice starts. You usually don't come home. I'm so scared for her. For us all. Love you ladies. More than you can know.
Boo boo. I was thinking Tuesday, the 8th this week or Wednesday, the 16 th of next week works for me. I need something fun and happy to do. I can't wait. 💜💜 let me know what you think
Goodnight everyone
Much love ~M~
Skitz? You ok in there ?
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Micmel, I've been trying all morning to think of what to say about your post about Dianarose but there isn't anything to say except to say how sad, and how sorry I am for her situation. Prayers for her, her family and friends, including BCO sisters. 🙏 She's so thoughtful to write to you. I hope I can do the same when my day comes.
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Muddling~ Thank you very much. I still feel like it isn't real. I usually text her everyday. There is already a hole. Each day we wake up we don't know what Hand we will be dealt. I accept that. But slowly seeing someone you care aboutand have learned to truly love fade away and just sit there with only words left to read. I don't think I'll ever understand death, maybe no one ever will. At least she wont suffer anymore. I know the past few months have been so hard on her and DH. Good people don't deserve anything like this. I also feel awful for her family and know this isn't about me at all. But it is about seeing what is right in front of my face. It is a terrifying path we've all been thrown on. Let's hold together tight. Honor each. As we part. Just like a military on the front lines supporting each other as one force.
Much love ~M~
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micmel, sorry about your friend. If there’s one benefit to our situation, it is that we are more aware of our mortality and can make sure those we care for know it. I think I’d do the same when the time comes. Hugs to you 🙂
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Mae~Thank you very much. You guys always help me no matter what the deal is. I know it’s going to happen at some point to even myself. I just cannot imagine sending a text saying those words. Strength at its most beautiful. I love you sisters. Thanks Mae. You’re a sweet person.0 -
Micmel, sorry about your friend Diana rose. . I hope she is comfortable and free from pain and holding close those who are dear to her x
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Minnie~Thank you so much. I know she definitely made her choice because she was suffering. Her pain was daily and every step was hard. She tried everything she could to fight this damn beast. She always had a smile for me. I will always hold a special place in my heart for her....love to all0 -
For those who knew her, Lisajo passed away yesterday. I'm beyond blown away. Had just started to get to know her a little bit.
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Fly away home lisajo and Dianarose. We'll all miss both of you.
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Don't have the words......Lisajo and now Dianarose in hospice...so painful to watch our amazing sisters move onto new realms, as will we all at some point. I wonder what it all means? it just seems to me that people we care about just go away and we're left devastated by our grief and clinging to our memories. I am not a practicing Christian, but I have my own strong faith in a higher power that governs the force of nature and instills in us humanity.
I pray that the cure for breast cancer and other serious diseases is around the corner so that all human beings can enjoy a full life with their friends and family, but then there are always accidents and serious crimes and other things.......
Life is such a fragile thing and we only have the moment, really.
Tired tonight after trying to keep my very active 9 YO grandson busy for the weekend. Limited screen time, must help with chores, play games,fend off 100 requests for more screen time and having a playmate over. Morning was tricky, but he rallied to be his real sweet self in the afternoon and we had a good time.
Going to head to Florida on Tuesday for 5 days of visiting cousins and relaxing with my sister. I am spent from the holidays and "keeping house". Looking forward to the break.
Peace be with you, dear MBC sisters
Love Mary Jane
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Gracie~😞 I am sorry honey for the loss of your friend. I know it feels like being kicked in the gut for sure. There are no words and not a damn thing you can even do about it. You hear sad news and you’re stunned. It is the same feeling multiplied over and over. That’s why I feel like we are an army. Cure would be needed.. Hope you’re doing well. Always love seeing you here.
Grannax~Well said. I can’t imagine the thoughts in her head. If it was me, I would say my goodbyes as best as I could and sleep away... slipping into whatever awaits. Wherever one does or doesn’t go. Somedays I lean towards like a switch one day it’s on and then it’s switched off. Permanent anesthesia... the other part begs to see others lost. Hugs to you sweet woman ...
MJH~ Hello lovely. Very well said. I wrestle with what to believe all the time. Especially when it come to this topic. All we can do is come together to honor those we have lost loving them in our hearts because they are memories waiting to be triggered. I miss so many already. It’s difficult to even comprehend such loss one after one. But the support here makes fighting together worth it. Love that you spend so much time with your grandson. Just reading all you do makes me tired ! So awesome! What does he call you ?
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I like to think the ladies who I have met and have left on this journey are upstairs looking out for me while I still go through mine. I don’t have any words that can help comfort the loss of 2 more. I’ve noticed in the last year I’ve pulled away from old friends and put up walls in making new ones. I don’t think having cancer makes me a good friend when I could leave at any time. I want to save everyone as much hurt as possible. On that note I’m also selfish and have found great comfort in everyone here’s friendship. That makes it all the scarier. Who will leave first, me or you? When? What can I do? I know that’s a crappy mindset to have, but it’s the scary truth. I want the best for us all so much and try to finding hope in the dark. I can’t change any of our situations, but maybe the point of a bunch of isn’t being friends is we can help be each other’s light even if it’s not for as long as we’d like. Is there an amount of time that’s enough?
Sending everyone hugs
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This news always leaves me speechless. I am sorry for the heartache.
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