My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Been away for a bit but reading. I know the anxiety of tests and scans. It is exhausting, even if the news is good. I go for a bladder / kidney ultrasound on Friday and even though I don't expect anything, I do. Does that make sense? I never expected to have breast cancer, felt scared but pretty secure that it was a false alarm. Well, news to me! Having learned how horribly wrong I can be, I have no happy delusions that all will be well just because that's what I expect. I should have known that from all the times I put on a bathing suit expecting to look not bad only to see, ewww, what? When did I become my mother? WWAHHHHHH!
Hugs to all you ladies, and a better New Year for all of us!
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Runor~ Hi there! Hadnt seen you since before the holidays. I was hoping that they went well for you. Mine was great except now we are both exhausted. DH especially. He does all the work. The man is amazing. I wish I wasn't the way I am. I feel helpless l, but look fine from the outside. I sometimes know people forget. It really is hard. I hate it. I can not do nearly what I used to at all. I can't standfor long periods of time. Because it kills my back. The best for me is laying down. My most comfortable. I have a spot in my s3. It's so tiny.. but it packed a punch of damage to the surrounding nerves alright. I can't believe something so small could screw me up so bad in my back. Pain meds help and so does medical marijuana. But after a while of being out of bed the fatigue starts to kick my ass. It isn't excruciating , but it's a constant burning chewing feeling at the base of my spine. Like termites taking small bites enough to feel, but it's a slow pain that never leaves really. Hard to explain. Really. It just sucks bad. The other two spots I am totally ok with. But ugh! The one has to be a bear. It's murphys law.
I hope you're doing well... I'll be thinking of you Friday and of course it makes sense. Once you're told something like you have cancer. Any little thing takes you back! I have a ganglion cyst forming on my knuckle joint of my thumb and the damn thing hurts. Do I want to have it taken care of??? No! Of course not. I'd rather it get so big I won't be able to bend my thumb. Will I go then? Most likely not. Not until I can't even see that it is a thumb. That's how much i understand! I'll be in your pocket for support !!
Daniel~ how's Leslie??? Big hello to her !
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........this is what the cyst looks like and let me tell you it hurts. Every time I move it or bend it. It's not pretty I just feel like cutting it out myself Honestly.the last thing I really want is another procedure done to any part of my body. Annoying annoying. I'm sure I'll have to see a hand doctor. Maybe my primary will do it. Who knows. But I'm frustrated with it. So little but a painful bugger. Anyone ever have one before.? All the crap we humans deal with is really. A lot. I mean I know this is in no way important compared to cancer by any means. It's just i am so worn out from procedure after procedure. I've had 10 surgeries in like 8 years. I have had it. Just like all of you have as well! 😡. Much love to all!0 -
Hi Daniel, sending prayers for Leslie. Wishing you both a good 2019. Get my results on 8th, so with Leslie on the worrying page. X
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Parry, you are one super brave woman. Enjoy your wedding. Sending big hugs to you both. X
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Micmel,
Sounds like you need a nice, warm beach somewhere and a cool drink in your hand (the one without the cyst!). Seriously though, 10 surgeries? OMG! That’s a lot to handle. I am here for you girl. You are so strong, and to think how much you support others on this blog. I am so sorry that you have one more thing to deal with. I would do the exact same thing—NOTHING...until you have to.
Take care, my dear, and remember that we are all here for you too...just like you always are for us!
Big hugs,
Laurie
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Micmel, One of my sons had a ganglion cyst on his wrist years ago. It was quite a bit bigger than yours, and he had it for quite a while before we had it removed. His orthopedic surgeon told us that people used to slam the family Bible on ganglion cysts to get rid of them years ago. LOL. She tried injecting cortisone into the cyst because sometimes that breaks it up. In his case it didn’t work. The procedure to remove the cyst was pretty straightforward, and healing was quick and easy.
Lynnwood, How are you doing? I miss your posts.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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What a terrible few weeks! My newest pain has crept up, crept in and suddenly isn’t responding to meds..again. It’s like whack a mole - fix one problem for another to surface. Oh and joy! This time I’ve had BAD shortness of breathe too! Yay, me. Waiting for dr to call so hopefully he can squeeze me in. I at least need labs and a chest X-ray.
But wait - the fun doesn’t end there!
December 26 the daughter of one of my BFs wrecked her car, was ejected and landed on a barbed wire fence, and has been in ICU; lucky to be alive!
December 31 the father of my very BF was found dead (presumably a heart attack.
December 27 (this has been the hardest by far) - received a phone call from my 25 year old son wherein he “came out of the closet” - not as gay, but as transgender. After 25 years I’m told I no longer have a son, but an eldest daughter. In general I support transpeople. I never knew how much it hurt to deal with it personally.
So, please please please pray for me and my loved ones. This has got to be a better year. I feel like I’m falling apart.
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Minnie~ we will be with you in your pocket. The 8 Th is still 6 days away! Hopefully you’ll keep busy. So the worrying can be limited. Am hoping for nothing but good results all around!
Leslie also!!
Waving hello to Gracie!
BooBoo~it’s always something isn’t it? I am just glad the holidays are officially over. I did remember when I was working. I always hated this day especially. Going from odd days off here and there for two weeks you get used to. Getting up after New Year’s Day is hard. I believe they should allow another holiday for the 2nd. Don’t they know how exhausted everyone is at the end of everything? All the energy and preparation involved. Ugh! Americans work long hours. I work log hours at sleeping and resting because I don’t have a choice. Anyone, who still works with this disease. Or even the caretakers to us, having to work is very difficult, sick or not. Here’s to those amazing caretakers and men and woman who tough it out every single day no matter what they face! 🥂 🍾 hugs and love ~M~
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Shelia, Wow, I don't know what to say. First of all, I hope you are able to see your doctor today and figure out what's going on. Hopefully, it is something that can be treated and resolved easily and quickly. I hate to think of you suffering so much. As far as everything else is concerned, you have bee hit hard with life-altering developments. Your son's/now daughter's news must have been a shock to you. Were the any signs of this in the past? He/now she must have been struggling with this for a long time. It took so much courage to come out because there is still a lot of prejudice and doubt about transgender people. I can't begin to imagine what you are feeling or how you are dealing with this. I am sure it is painful. I know that this will take a lot of adjustment, understanding, and acceptance on your part, but as a mother, I am sure you will continue to support and love your child. Others' reactions might not be as accepting. You and your family are in my prayers. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you through everything.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Shelia, prayers for your physical healing, for the shocks to your circle of friends, and for your family adjusting to this news. 🙏
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Shella where is your new pain? Do you think your doc will want to order a scan for you? I hope he can give you some answers and help you feel better.
I've said this a million times, why can't life just hold still while we deal with our cancer? Just think how much easier it would be to be able to focus on getting well or figuring out how to cope with a new SE or progression. But, no that's not how it goes.
It does seem like you are having more than your share of grief. You know that's what it is. In all three situations. Especially your son. I know you'll wrap your head around it eventually but it will take time.💞
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Shelia, you've just had a huge load of events dumped on you when you are least equipped to deal with them. I am so sorry for all of it. I have no advice. Just awe at what people have to cope with.
Micmel, I have the EXACT same thing on my thumb! It flares up and looks like this sharp, pointed thing trying to burst through the skin of my knuckle. And it hurts. It will be there for a few weeks then it dies down again. I do massage it, or more like press on it, when my thumb is flattened out. To try and 'break it up'. I have not considered whacking it with anything solid as I can picture that going wrong in many ways! I am sorry to hear about your back and hope you find something that can bring you a little relief. Hugs to all.
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Lynne (Man), so sorry to hear you've had such a rough few months. I had a similar fall last winter, a slow motion landing on the kitchen floor and I had to crawl to the l.r. sofa and pull myself up. It hurt but it made me more angry than hurt. Anyway, for the D, have you tried blackberries? Knock wood, I've had very little D in the mbc fight, but whenever I've had it throughout my life I eat fresh blackberries or have a few small spoons of blackberry all-fruit spaced out through the day. It's on the jelly and jam aisle but doesn't have any sweetener. Fresh berries are better but not always available so I keep a jar of all fruit on hand. It works for me and shouldn't hurt anything to try it. I hope you feel better soon.
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Dear hearts- Happy New Year! I am grieved to read of the personal battles many of you are fighting.
Lynne(Man)-You must feel so knocked down. What a nasty time you have had-so undeserved. Glad to hear you are able to eat again. May things go well at DF; I know it will be exhausting. I am so thinking of you and pulling for you every second. Good thing you are of strong New England stock, and "tougher than a boiled owl!". Love to you.
Parry-OMG, you are handling so much and yet, I see your sense of humor coming through. You are quite a gal and I'm wanting your situation under control STAT. I am sending heartfelt longings for your well being and wishes for the loveliest wedding ever.
Sheila-what a big load you have been handed-a lot to process. Be ever so gentle with yourself and only do the most basic of tasks-Thinking of you.
Grannax-of course hoping the new treatment is not hard on you. None of us seem to get ALL the nasty SE's that each drug can cause. I will happily anticipate seeing photos of you in the beautiful RED gown! Go big or go home! you must have enjoyed your sweet grands over the holidays! Sending love and support.
Micmel- those damn ganglion cysts are such a pain in the butt. Sometimes they just go away on their own, so I hope yours does. Love your nail color. Glad to hear you enjoyed the holidays. We all deserve max enjoyment of everything!
I have spent the whole day doing NOTHING. We always host a New Year's Day cribbage tournament in honor of my Dad. It almost did me in getting ready. DH had this massive tool mess as he has been SLOWWWWLYYY working on the second phase of my kitchen renovation. I told him to clean up or no party. He did get it done ONE HOUR before 30 folks were showing up at my house-I was ready to twist his balls off. I had made my usual fare-beef chili, veggie chili, cornbread, veggies and dip, cookies, brownies, big bowl of clementines. Everyone brings things too. We also provide quite a variety of drinks. My sweet grandson was vacuuming and mopping the kitchen floor at the last minute! Party came off well, though. Not sure if I have it in me to do another!
and now have two trees to disassemble-oh well. it will all happen. I get what Lynne and Parry were expressing about the commercial pressure of Christmas. I think that part of Christmas in the US was created by merchants. I watched an interesting documentary on PBS that was about the Christmas songs that were composed by Jewish musicians. There are many! and I think its wonderful-among them are White Christmas, Rudolph, Silver Bells etc.... For me it's about the family traditions and getting together. I could skip the actual day.
Met with my MO after Christmas. All stable for now. Continuing on Madame X and having another post Y90 MRI in Feb.
Sending love to each- runor, mae, lynne50's, tanya, muddling, gracie, divine, lynnewood, minnie ,daniel, and all of my dear MBC sisters
MJH
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Good afternoon all
Happy New Year I pray for a cure for all of us this year.
I’ve read through all the posts and will try to remember everyone but I’m sure I’ll forget something so apologies in advance.
I started ibrance cycle 19 this year. The average was 24 months and now 27.9 months. This sobering reality makes me want to get all my medical records and start examining them so I can keep this in the forefront.
Dec. 22nd my dear first born granddaughter came out on her bday on social media and asked her GF to marry her. She keeps sending me loving texts but we haven’t spoken yet. Her brother keeps hinting around and my DD told him that I know already but my position is that I don’t need to talk to him about “her”. We’ll talk when she’s ready.
Sheila I can imagine how shocked you were with your sons confessions about being Tran. It’s so personal that there’s just no cookie cutter response. We feel what we feel. I pray your health gets better and you navigate your way through in a way that is best for you.
I was a social worker before MBC and some people still seek me out for counseling. I’ve been good about saying “no” but today I counseled a neighbor and her husband their toddler daughter passed away at day care. I will do a session or so with them and then refer them elsewhere. It actually felt good helping this young couple but not good enough to get back in the trenches.
Micmel sorry to hear about your ganglion cyst. I saw someone wham it with a book or piece of wood and it disappeared. I think it was in a TV show. I wouldn’t dare do it like that. I’m sure my thumb would be broken or worse.
MJHjan I think we’re all married to the same last minute guy. They do a good job when it’s finally done but the nagging that it takes to get it done is..... awful for my ears to hear. Don’t make my ears hear me say it again. You’re nice to offer to twist balls I was thinking of the book slam method for Micmels cyst. Deep sigh. I laughed when you threatened him with “no party” like he’s a kid. My threats are similar I just hate to hear myself saying these things to him. And I know somewhere he’s chuckling inside.
Party please share all of your wedding photos with us. You’re an amazon. I like the harp. Thank you for the waterfall pictures. I wish I was sitting in view of them listening to the splash of water. Safe travels dear.
Lynn Man sorry about your fall and your SE’s. Do you feel strong from being off treatment for so long?
Grannax I’m looking forward to NYC fashion week photo shoot!
Hi 50s Runor Muddling Mae Boo Boo Daniel Leslie
I pray everyone’s scans anxiety treatment and tests are under control.
Take care
Tanya
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Thank you all. I know I will get to a place of peace eventually. It’s just been hard.
Grannax, my left side under my ribs started hurting, but now (and for the past week and a half or so) my entire rib cage hurts. It feels as if it’s been in a vise, especially first thing in the morning. Until yesterday I was able to get it under control. However, yesterday and today it has hurt all day, regardless of heating pad, positioning or medication. And unlike all my other ailments, this hurts to the touch. And the shortness of breath has been scary but I feel that somehow it’s related. Like I can’t expand my lungs enough at any time so even the smallest amount of exertion (walking from one room to the next) leaves me in bad shape.
Onc is going to see me in the morning. I left a message requesting labs and X-ray, and will reiterate this request tomorrow. I was showing signs of SOB at last appt, but my last labs showed I was slightly anemic. Hgb was 9.9. I got the shot to increase RBCs, which they hoped would help the SOB, but I haven’t noticed a difference. I also had the pain under my rib at that appt, which a CT was scheduled for. Unfortunately CT isn’t until next week and with increasing pain I can’t wait that long without some answers or help.
It’s so sad because last appt had X-ray as well, which showed improvement in lung issue!! For the first time in a year and a half i heard the word improvement!!!Actually no nodule was seen and the hilar lymph nodes didn’t show. I was sooo happy!!! Please pray this new issue is some fluke, and not cancer related - please. I’ve been praying and praying.
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Sheila, I, too, am not sure what to say about your son now being a daughter. I cannot say I understand a transgender frame of mind, but I accept those who follow that path. Of course, much easier for me to say as I am not the one who's dealing with it on the most personal level as you are.
The topic of transgender people entered my life about 15 years ago when I learned the unbelievable news that my next door neighbor was trying to convince her 9 year old son (best friends with my son at the time) that he wanted to be a girl. It's a long story, but there was a court case and local news coverage and the young boy eventually went to live with his dad.
Now that story is weird, because the mother was pushing this on him and it wasnt something coming from him. But as I was close to the family, I was affected by it and ever since, I keep somewhat updated on the topic of trangenders.
And now there is a young transgender man living four houses down from us, married to a young woman who has three kids from previous relationships. They just want to live a quiet life and go about their business.
You may find a forum to turn to for support. Perhaps there are books that could help, too. I read Caitlyn Jenner's autobiography, and welcomed the insight it gave me about transgenders.
I also read "Tomorrow will Be Different" by Sarah McBride who became the first transgender intern to work at the White House. It, too, was insightful.
Many hugs for you as you process this new part of your life.
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Sheila~ Oh honey... anything with our children is so difficult to go through. I know that a mother's love knows no bounds but of course it's a shock and will take time to process any type of change. I also have no issue with someone being who they feel they need to be. But that doesn't mean you can snap a finger and it's all message received and you are totally ok and wont reflect on the 25 years. Take your time and be good to yourself. I am also sorry about the accident. everything can sometimes be so scary. I hope she improves and is moved out of icu soon. I am also sorry for your BF loss of a father. I'm going through that soon myself. It scares me. I am hoping and sending every good thought and vibe I cAn possibly produce that you're going to continue to hear the word improvement. You have been dealing with so much. You're amazing. We are your team. Pulling for you everyday. So much love and support. The wedding... planning. Dress shopping all the details. I think you're doing amazingly well considering all you have dealt with. I know how hard planning alone can be for a wedding. Oh yes I do. Hugs sweet sister.
~M~
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Grannax ~hoping the new tx is good to you. Our super Star has to be runway ready beautiful. The lady in red !! Will shine with beauty! Can not wait to see those pics...you'll dazzle them again for sure. NYC. Here she comes ! How exciting !!
Muddling ~ Hope all is well with you! I am very sorry to hear about your fall. Crawling to the couch? 💔 so scary, I hope you didn't hurt yourself. I know what it's like to take a tumble for sure. The slow motion fall is so. True. We're all a bunch that's for sure!
Mae~ How are you? Hope you're doing ok. Haven't seen you! 🤪
Runor~And Lynne(50's)~Tanya~ this annoying thing has got to go. It's seems. To be getting bigger. And when I bend my thumb it really hurts. I have heard many people mention the slamming of the hand under a book home remedy tales. lol like Tanya said they all ended up in splints with no differences. I guess I'm going to be seeing a doctor about it soon. It's awfully annoying for sure. Good to see you all. Hope all is well with you guys. Tanya~ I’m so sorry to hear about your neighbors toddler. That’s just heartbreaking. I’m so truly sorry. I can’t even imagine. You’re a sweet woman to help even a little! So thoughtful.
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Thank you so much divine!!
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MJH~Hello there darling. I was hoping the damn thing would go away itself. But I’m thinking the joint thing has me beat. It’s always something for sure.I really feel like cutting it out myself. It’s bothering me that much. You see the doc, then they set the date for another how ever long ahead of time. Which equals more waiting. Sigh! I know it’s really small for sure in comparison. But damn. I hate even bloodwork at this point. If I never saw a doctor again in my lifetime. I would be happy as heck!!
We all would for sure ! Always good to see you! My DH loves cribbage!! 😃 I’m trying to learn it.
Divine~good to see you. Hope your holidays were filled with love and family. Hugs friend. !!
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Marian our American wedding is next Wednesday! I’m so excited. I had my final dress fitting today and pick it up Sunday. I was so emotional and I don’t get emotional. When I bought the dress I was torn about the money because by the time of the wedding I may not be here and my fiancé would need that money for final expenses, but here I am and it’s looking good I will make it to our weddings, God willing. On the 12th we have a traditional Induwedding in Vancouver, BC. Thank you for the well wishes. So far I feel fine on the Halaven I just hope it’s working. I read too much into how I’m feeling sling and have habe been thinking I feel ok bc it’s not working. Hope you are doing well
Lynn that is so awesome or your nephew that he is doing ok. When I found out about my brain mets I was crushed...sometimes I feel like people disregard BC as a lesser cancer so maybe that’s why they fuss over him more? It’s all a shit deal in the end and no one really gets it but us I feel like. Complain is good for the soul as long as it’s not a constant. This is where you can let it all out!
Micmel I have the constant clock ticking in my head as well. They told me 4 months to 3 years. It’s hard not to see that and hold it to your heart, but here you are! I’m always thinking of all us ladies here and hoping praying my hardest we get the miracle card and beat all the odds. Someone has to someone has to land on free parking right!? Now that the holidays are over I’m hoping you and your man get gets some rest and do something relaxing
50s I am just growing with the flow! I don’t know how it’s all getting done either but it feels like I’m trying to hold sand. Family and fiancé have been great so far hope you are doing well
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Dang i missed a new page!
Runor I get that feeling and it doesn’t help that I’m always right. In your case I hope it’s clear nothing new and everything is doing what it should!
Shelia could the rib pain be from previous radiation? Mine hurt near where I had radiation previously but all scans r clear in that area. Thank goodness for the good lung news. Way to ring in the new year
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Micmel & Runor,
I was able to heal bursitis of my left elbow by wearing a support band specifically for elbow bursitis. After going to my orthopedist, she drained it, it immediately came back. She said the next step would be surgery. I didn’t want surgery on my left arm due to lymphadema risks. My neighbor told me the only way she was able to heal her elbow bursitis was for her doctor to cast her arm for several weeks. I didn’t like that option either. I went on Amazon and searched for arm bands for elbow bursitis. It cost me $16.95 and two bands came in the package. I wore them 24/7 for a couple of weeks. It healed my bursitis by protecting my elbow and the compression kept the blood from pooling.
There are ganglion cyst thumb splints that you can purchase. Amazon has them from $9.99 up to $34.99. WalMart and your local pharmacy have them also. The splint protects the ganglion cyst from further injury and allows it to hopefully heal. The more you use the thumb the more agitated the cyst is going to become.
I hope this might offer a solution without a surgical procedure. It should dial down the pain level somewhat at the very least.
Happy New Year! Thinking and praying for good scan results for all of you. Runor, I will be thinking of you and your scan on Friday.
God Bless
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Parry~Hello our bride to be! Will be a beautiful one for sure. I am waiting for those pictures. I remember the one that you shared with us with your fiancé on bended knee smiling at you like his queen.... you're so amazing. I wish you decades of happiness and love. I wish nothing for you but the best.. I love your new thread. Great idea to share vacation ideas and planning. I personally cannot travel. It's because of my one met. Bad choice for placement. I got the short straw. But I'll take remission and ride the ibrance train. I was reading like I always do in my palliative care docs office and I read that they have three women who have been doing beyond great on ibrance. One woman. Is 48 months out on ibrance and still in remission, another is 45 months out and the third is 39 months out. All stage four like us. So it can happen if a tx really digs in and works. I am this week have started my month 25 on ibrance and I honestly feel pretty good. I have bad days yeah for sure. Mostly aches in joints and extreme fatigue. But I'll take it. I can't wait to see your dresses? Lol. Princess bride! Two weddings. How amazing is that? Rest when you can!! Hugs my friend.
Waving to Marian and Runor, Mae?? Ok girl. You alright out there ? 🤪? masons. Lynnwood??
Bella~oh this thing is annoying. Like you said.....it's the joint. Whenever I bend it. It really does hurt. I am going to look into the splints maybe that's what I need. I have a well check at my primary doctors visit. (Lol at the word well check). As if I will ever be well. Like before. Everytime I move it which is every single second. Going to have to do something.. it's getting bigger. Swelling. For sure. Since it will be free I may as well have it looked at.. while everything else costs an arm or leg. Another thing to add to the list. Thanks for the suggestions. Much love ~M~
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All,
I am so glad that Micmel encouraged me to post on this site. The things I learn from all of you are amazing. I am blown away by the courage and strength that it takes some of us to even get out of bed. May 2019 be kind to all of us.
Sheila, I don’t have any idea how to go about supporting you through the transition of your son other than to say I’ll be praying. A pastor at our church announced, after many years of preaching (he was even on TV) he was going to transition, and it rocked the church pretty good (his name was Paul....now goes by Paula). He (she) is a terrific writer, and has her own website which you may benefit from (https://paulastonewilliams.com/). I learned a lot by reading about her journey. Hope this helps. Also hope you find what’s causing the rib pain.
Grannax, I, too, am excited to see your pics from your NYC show. How exciting!
Tanya, I hope your success with iBrance lasts forever.
Lynne, Parry, Divine, Bella, Micmel, and all the others, hope your new year brings only good things!
Lauri
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Crazy, but I had written a fair bit but went back a page forgetting that I would lose it all. I have my weekly Paclitaxel this afternoon so will start over again. But quickly I want to say to you Parry that I will be thinking of you next Wednesday as well as the 12th. I am from Vancouver BC and we only moved to Victoria a year and a half ago, just before discovery of mets. Somehow I am thinking it will be brilliantly sunny in Vancouver on the 12th. We are getting the rain over with now.
Runor, what is with the kidney/ bladder scan?
More this afternoon, time to make some appointments.
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Grannax, can't wait to see pictures! You are awesome!
Micmel, an praying you still have a good long time on Ibrance, and that cyst gets taken care of! I must hurt like crazy where it's at!
Tanya, you also, praying you get a long time on Ibrance!
Booboo, have been where you were with being depressed and ready to quit! This is a hard road we are on! Prayers for you!!!
Parry, thinking of you and your wedding! I hope for you a long happy life together!!!! Praying for that!!!
MJH, so great to hear from you! Take care of yourself!!!
Iwrite, hope you had wonderful holidays!
Minnie, will be thinking of you in the 8th!!!!
Muddling, in gosh! I thinking falling is a real fear for me!!! I hope you heal from it quickly!!!!
Sheila, I don't know what to say about your son. It must be hard to hear that news. You really have your plate full right now. Prayers for you!
I know I've missed some of you, it's just to hard right now to o back and read all of it!
Daniel, am praying for you and Leslie!!!!
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Checking in... I’m here reading. Having a lazy rainy day today. Recliner, tv and blanket kind of day.
My best to everyone 🙂
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