My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Happy birthday Minnie! I just turned 59 so we are close in age. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and many more to come! ❤️🎉🎁🎂🎊0
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Happy Birthday Minnie!!! Mine is next month on the 20th and we will be very close to being exactly 31 years apart!
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Minnie, Happy Birthday 🎉
Parry, my b-day is the day before yours 😀🥳
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Whaaaat!? We are birthday sisters 😁😁😁 I know of many February birthdays so 9 months before must be baby making season or something, haha
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Same to You Lynwood, many more for us both I hope xx
Parry, I hope you have many more years for you and your handsome husband. Progress in medicine is what we want xx
Thanks Mae. Parry, the spring weather must have made our parents romantic? Lol
Girlfriend lunch today. Could go downhill and last a while hah
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🎈 Happy Birthday, Minnie! 🎈
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Happy Birthday Minnie!!!
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Minnie Oh beautiful Minnie! 🎶 “Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday to you...Happy Birthday Dear Minnie....🎶 Happy Birthday to you......🎶.....🍰🎁 🎈 🎂 🎂🌺🌺. Have a wonderful day sweet sister.
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The shit is still rolling down down down the hill. I visited my father last week. Didn't look good at all honestly. His urine was very dark and his skin was bloody under the layers blotchy and bruised like. Clearly his body was shutting down even then. So... last night I learned my stepmonster had fallen and broken her elbow, she did come home from the hospital, but is not able to use her arm and really lift anything. so my fathers main care taker isn't able to care for him. He was transferred to hospice hospital care this morning.. will be held there until Sunday, but then comes home again to the regular daily nurse visits and care at home. Now here is the good part.
A “Family" text went out from my step monster informing everyone about what was going on. Saying my father couldn't stand anymore and was out of it. She said her family was wonderfully helping and that any help we would be able to Give would be welcome.
This is. A Woman who had me banned from my father's bedside when he was in the icu his first heart attack around. Now she is welcoming me for helping her ? Excuse me. ? Who does that? I'm just whirling with so many emotions. I plan on seeing him tomorrow at the facility. And staying for the meeting to represent our side. Because everyone else works and my sister has her 10 yr old granddaughter who has school. The meeting is at 2:00 she gets home at 4:00. It's an hour away for her. Just not happening, so it falls to me. This will be the second time I have faced her in 10 years or more. I am walking into the lions den, but I'll do it so I know what's going on and what needs to happen. I know that I wouldn't get the full truth without being there. I really can't handle the stress. If you all see a huge explosion from the north east, you'll know the meeting didn't go well!
Love to all!
Hi Gracie... muddling....Mae hello lady! Parry hi beauty! Marian....a shout out to dodgers girl and miss Bianca... footprints angel... Elle on wheels... sweet GP.
I sometimes get pm's From people who aren't stage four who read our thread. They share that our thread helps them and they enjoy reading along with our lives. That is so special to me. So thank you, silent readers. It means a lot that you even care. But remember. I care too! I believe we all do. Stages to me mean nothing. Cancer is cancer. Silent and deadly...So to me a sister in battle is a sister in battle. So again thank you. It helps me to know that I don't babble along here for no reason other than my own needs lol.
You ladies are a special bunch to me. I have many friends. I enjoy you all. Boo boo where you been. ? You ok ? Hugs and ✌️!
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Minnie, Happy birthday! I hope you enjoyed your lunch with your girlfriends. Today is my dh's birthday, but since his mother turned 100 years old yesterday, that was the highlight of our week of birthdays.
Micmel, I am sorry that things continue to be so difficult for you. I wish I could take away your painful memories and incinerate them so you wouldn't have them in your life anymore. I know how difficult it is to see your father so ill. You need to concentrate your thoughts and love on him and try to ignore that woman. I remember how painful it was to see my dad's health decline. I was the only family member left. Luckily, my DH helped me through the loss. I think that a hospice house is a good place for your father to be right now. They will provide excellent care around the clock, and it sounds like that is what he needs. It is unfortunate that most hospice facilities are so expensive because they provide a unique set of services to patients and families at a crucial time. It is impossible for most families to handle the needs of a dying family member. It is beyond the emotional and physical abilities of most of us. Unfortunately, our society has not found a viable solution for any of this.
I will be getting my port on Friday, and I will have my first Taxol infusion the Monday after I return from Florida.
Hugs and prayers to all of you, Lynne
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I’m so sorry you have to do that. I can’t even imagine. You are brave!
ok folks, time to jump in Micmels’ pocket for tomorrow. She’s always here for us. Who’s joining me?
❤️ Suzy.
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I’m in Suzy!! Lynne, have a wonderful trip to Florida! Enjoy the break from the weather and from cancer treatments. Good luck with your port placement and with your first treatment, please let us know how you make out. You are such a lovely lady, always so kind and supportive, I hope we can give you the support that you so deserve.
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Lynne(50’s)~thinking of you and your port surgery. It will be sore for a little while, especially when you cough or sneeze so Be careful. You are a precious woman. We are in your pocket as well! 💙 to you!
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stilllivin~Hello beautiful, it's always So good to see you here. I hope you're doing well and thank you for your support and kind words. It means a lot. Hugs to you sweet sister. 💜
Haven't seen Tanya ~. Hope all is well with her. Divine also. Masons... Shout out to Annie and dodgersgirl... Blueshine. Haven't seen either. Bigbhome...Chelle...❤️...Nan...Lynnwood 😃 BooBoo...Gracie hello hunny...Lynne (Man) of course sweet woman waiting by your side. Minnie and her birthday. Yay hope it was a good one... Parry...muddling... JFL...Runor...JKL...if I have forgotten anyone I'm sure I'll be back!! Loooong day. Anxious for tomorrow.. ugh. It may be the last time I see him. I think his liver is failing, he's becoming confused and isn't speaking now much. Not eating. Limited drinking. Not getting out of bed at all and loosing his facilities. So the end seems near. Off to bed. For some peace for a few hours. Much love ~M~
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Happy late Birthday to Minnie. Sitting with 50s for the port. Micmel, maybe there will be other representatives at this meeting who can advocate for your dad. It sounds to me (maybe I'm wrong) that the safest place for him is where he is getting more steady care. I hope you won't be on your own in whatever battle faces you.
Just wrote to a lady today who has recently been diagnosed. God, I remember those miserable, disbelieving days. I told her to come here, to BC.ORG, because this is support from the trenches. This is peer to peer reaching out to help and hold and guide and care. I am dead serious when I say this place saved my life. Feeling not alone. It's HUGE! I still come here because there is something grounding and solid that I get here. A touchstone that I have to brush with my fingers and clasp to my heart. Hugs to all of you.
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Alright ladies, I’m bouncing from pocket to pocket. Micmel and 50’s, I’ll be quiet though, no crackers this time, chocolate cupcakes instead!
You got this! 😀
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Oohh. Cupcakes!
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love cupcakes of course. I mean who doesn't. Lol. Thank you ladies the meeting is at 2:00 I have to go alone. My DH is in DC and my two kids are working! It's pouring rain outside and I don't feel like moving no less driving a pretty good distance. I need to loadup on medicine. I feel like I am walking into a Lions den. My step monster is not not a nice person. Obviously this didn't or hasn't not effected her one bit. I'm also learning hospice is a very tricky thing when Medicare is concerned. They really pay for shit! Ugh. It just never stops.
Love to all ~M~
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MicMel,
I feel your stress. I am so sorry it’s landing on your shoulders to go to this meeting alone. If you are walking into the lion’s den remember...you are the lion!!! You are the strongest person I know. Your Dad needs your voice...he can’t advocate for himself. You can do this...go boldly into that meeting (not with anger) but with resolve to get your Dad the care he needs.
If you are meeting with Hospice the meeting should go well. They are experienced in helping families (no matter how dysfunctional) work through these tough decisions. MediCare does pay for Hospice! If your Dad is comfortable and in the final stages they will probably recommend he stay where he is right now. I pray that will be the outcome so that you can visit him in a peaceful place.
Don’t let step monster take up residence in your brain or your heart. Karma is a b*#ch. Step monster will have to face it.
Wear something with lots of pockets today because they are going to be overflowing with your BCO sisters. Don’t know if we will be quiet...probably not but our noise level will remind you that you are not alone!
Much love and hugs!
Barbara
P.S. Praying for you🙏🙏🙏.
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Rumor, it was actually my onc who directed me to breast cancer.org during those scary early days. Coming here was a godsend for me! I always tell newbies that they will learn more here then any doctor could ever tell you! The sisterhood is like no other.! Micmel, we are all with you as you go into your meeting today. I’m sorry you have to go out in such bad weather!! Lynne(50s) thinking of you!!!
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Yum, chocolate cupcakes. I might just help myself to some of those. I will be given a big tasty muffin in the recovery room tomorrow. I will share it with all of you.
Micmel, It is true that Medicare will pay for hospice. In your father's case, it seems obvious that hospice house is where he needs to be. I am sorry that your DH cannot be with you today. I know you could use his support, but you will be okay. We will be right there with you. Listen to what the hospice team has to say and ask all the questions you have. When you see your Dad, just hold his hand and tell him that you love him. That is what both of you need right now. Holding his hand will give you a feeling of peace, and saying the words will fill both of you with a warmth you will always remember. Do it even if he seems to be asleep or out of it. He will still sense your presence and touch and hear your words. Don't pay any attention to anyone else, especially the monster-in-law. It is just between you and your dad and nothing else will matter - not past bad memories, not regrets not other people, not evil thoughts.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Bella 💜💜Thank you sweet sister. It means everything to have you all. Thank you for caring. Listen for the roar!
Lynnwood~ I know right. It's pouring. And I have a pretty good drive ahead of me. No fun going to any hospital for sure. Parking alone would choke a horse. Uh! Not looking forward to this at all!
Especially since this morning my step monster was soooo relieved that I or my sister would be attending the meeting... really. I'm good enough now huh? 😡💔 the madness is for her. The broken heart is seeing my dad. Could be one of the last times ever😔.
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Jumping in here-I had my mom in hospice in my home and every thing was paid by Medicare. I was still teaching and my husband was still working so I took a leave of absence. She was with us for exactly 6 weeks. The care was phenomenal. Our nurses had to drive 50 miles to check us. The state troopers knew them and flagged or escorted them if traffic was heavy on the interstate. I'm not that far along in my disease but we have already decided it is the best road for our family. Hugs and Love to those in the midst of this journey.
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Micmel, we will all be in your pocket, except for the short time we are scouting out the best parking spot for you and standing in it until you get there! This will be a meeting full of peace and the hospice team will focus everyone on what is best for your father.
To those who know about Medicare and hospice, does it pay for admittance to a hospice home or just for the hospice nurse to come to the patient's home?
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I will be asking all of the questions. I just don't understand if he was failing all this time why they wouldn't just put him into the facility. That's why I was questioning Medicare and what it covers. I believe that I even heard the nurse say it won't cover the personal nurse, unless there are certain criteria. Maybe now , finally that has changed. I have no idea what I'm walking into. But I'm visiting with my. Dad before the meeting so I can get a sense of what husband condition Is this week.
Joe~ I Am going to pushback all I can to keep him there. Thank you for information and welcome to our little Home. It's so nice to see you here.
Muddling~Thanks my girl. I need parking assistance for sure. You ladies are like a second family. My heart swells with affection for you all. 💕💕 team FU cancer is a real thing! Thanks to you all! ~M~
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Medicare pays for in/home and inpatient. However, in-home hospice is not 24/7. They do not provide round the clock nursing care. A Hospice nurse, doctor and social worker will make periodic visits. They are there to help support the family through the end of life process.
In-patient Hospice is 24 hour care. They keep the patient clean, comfortable and manage pain.
I had my Mom in In/Home Hospice Care in my home for two years. It was helpful to me because they took over her medical care. We no longer had to take her to the doctor. They wrote whatever prescriptions she needed. We had a private caregiver come from 8-6 everyday and another caregiver come on Saturday and Sunday. It was very expensive but we were able to get money from the VA for Aid & Attendance because my Dad was a veteran.
My Dad passed away rather unexpectedly 72 days after my Mom. He went into In-patient Hospice Care for four days before he passed. Hands down I would take inpatient Hospice care for short term...meaning death is immenant. I am glad that my Mom was home with us for the long haul and that care was good too.
I hope this helps. MicMel I am sending you a pm.
Praying for you🙏.
Barbara
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Micmel I’m with you. Don’t forget to make your dad express what he wants.
Deep breaths and praying for calm.
Let stepmomster limp away.
50’s Lynne I’ll be with you tomorrow. It’s not a bad surgery and it’s so good afterward to not have to worry about veins.
Tanya
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catching up with you lovely ladies. Mel, you're a saint. ❤🙏🏻
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Thank you, bella2013 for the info about hospice and Medicare. I don't qualify for Medicare yet and my insurance won't fully cover the only hospice agency and hospice home within several surrounding counties because it's out of network. So, I'd better make it another year and a half. 😬 My wish is to go into a hospice home when it's necessary but I have been worried about how it would be paid. Isn't that something! Pay arms and legs for insurance every dang month for decades and still can't die like I want. Oh well, nothing I can do except learn.
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Micmel, do you mind if I ask what your first name is. I am anxiously waiting and hoping for good news re your dad and hospice. I am so lucky here in Canada as hospice will be there free when I need and/or want it.
Marian
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