My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
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re the MuTaTo proposed treatment from Israel, I've seen at least one U.S. doctor's statement that this is probably another cruel promise that can't be met. Well, maybe so, but I say let them test it out. Perhaps it isn't the cure but can lead to another train of thought in these clever researchers all over the world. I do like the three-prong approach to outsmart resistance. Who knows? Maybe this will be "IT". Get it into human trials, folks.
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I like your thinking. What a pessimist doctor...if all doctors thought that way we would still be in the Stone Age with cancer treatment sign me up for hospice right away. At least these people are trying and addressing a major issue with current treatment. Sometimes it wears on me when people only have negative things to say and nothing to contribute.
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Parry, I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard time! Am saying prayers that things get better for you very soon!!!
Mel, hugs right back!!!!! Love that meme 😊💜💜💜
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Hi ladies ~&Daniel~ snowing finally I was going to go and visit my dad but I didn't want to battle the chance of getting stuck in traffic. My friend works there and she said it wasn't pretty on the roads. I hope everyone is safe today. Maybe tomorrow I can go. My back isn't a happy back this week. I'm concerned that its being such a nag for me. Thinking of everyone today and stay warm and safe. Haven't seen Divine around and I hope she's good! Elle on wheels as well. Much love to all. Waving hello to Grannax. I know you're not feeling so great. Hope today is a good day for you ... ~M~
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Bumper to bumper traffic on the same road I take to see my dad. Not too bad in inches so far but apparently it's I icy. Yuck! 0 -
Oh, Micmel. what hard times you are having with your own pain and it being so young. Your dad I think, is so grateful and when it is his time those visits that have been so hard for you and on you will be remembered by him.
As for the tests that the Israelis are talking about would be in the mainstream media or through our own sources. I am a glass half full person for the most part but in this case my cynicism wins out and I really I am saddened by this publicity that in my opinion gives false hope. I agree with the US doctor's statement above.
On a happier note I had a nerve block today and hope that it gives me pain relief. It usually takes a few days. Tomorrow I have my lab work and also see my MO in the afternoon and then chemo the next day. My sister and BIL arrive tomorrow night from Nova Scotia and they will take care of our cats and house when we go to North Eluthera in the Bahamas, leaving Monday 0615 Victoria to Toronto. Yes that means getting to the airport at 0415. Does anyone know of a decent hotel near the Fort Lauderdale airport? We overnight coming and going from Toronto. For ages I was not very enthusiastic but in the last few days it is becoming a reality and once I book the hotel for Monday evening it will really be happening in my brain.
Love to you all and I hope you can accept my opinion about that article whether you agree or not.
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Marian I hope that nerve block kicks in soon
it’s weird feeling better after stuff like that because you forget what ok feels like after so much pain. This is a safe space for opinions. I would say as long as you are making a point to go after anyone on mean or personal level opinions and thoughts and frustrations are ok. Sometimes we get upset and sound crazy, but most people going through this have been there in that irrational/rational mindset.
More bad news today for me unfortunately. I reread my chest CT and I also have mets to my thyroid now...I totally missed that part in reading the lung findings. Also my MO finally got back about my brain MRI and I now have 2 mets in the tissue (before it was in the lining of the brain) so that sucks. One is in the very center of my brain so I just hope radiation can do something for that area. I meet with a neuro onc next week and my NRO sometime soon I hope to discuss radiation. Overall feeling down trodden and sorry for myself. I knew I would deal with progression and more mets at some point, but I thought there would be a period where we could fight it back too. I only know of 1 more treatment after Halaven i haven’t done. I’m frustrated, sad and just down about this. How have we come so far in cancer treatments and there is still nothing working for me. I hate feeling like a whiny baby why me why me. I just feel like I have so much more to give & live. I thought I’d grieved and accepted things so this is surprising to feel this way. I have to tell my loved ones who have been back to their normal selves and happy from the weddings. Cancer is so cruel.
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Parry, ask your neuro rads onc if you're a candidate for gamma knife, it works really well on small lesions and is very tolerable. Sorry about the thyroid, I'm on thyroid meds now, never had an issue until breast radiation, oh well ....
I hope you’re next treatment can knock it all back.
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MarianE, I completely agree with you about being skeptical. The only reason I shared the link here was that the report was in the mainstream. I hope it's not the 21st century equivalent of snake oil, lol. I think one good thing is that, perhaps in Israel they don't have to wait years and years through the process. If it works, there are many humans to try it. If not, let's move on to the next thing. I am glad that there are so many different ideas being tested all at the same time. 😊
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parry- so sad to hear about your news. It just never ends. Explore all your options and trials as well.
My uncle has cancer and even when he gets good news about his scan he seems to not be happy. Non cancer people just can not understand this! You know your safe for now but for how long?
Gracie - I did a pic line and it was an easy ordeal. I had one issue where they could not push anything into but added some med and worked fine since. I am kind of thinking it will stink to have in the summer though bc I can’t cover it up like I do with long sleeves.
Mae- I love your attitude, good humor and the fact you just go and have fun. I can’t wait to have a big ole drink but for now it isn’t good with my ac chemo.
Thinking of you all everyday.
Sara
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I had alteplase injected into my port a few weeks ago after several failed attempts in the regular hospital lab. They can only do it in the cancer agency part so I go there weekly now and so far so good, today at 10:30 being the next attempt. What is nice in this case is that they leave accessed for my chemo tomorrow. I wish good luck to everyone has a port, whether it is powerPort or a pic line. I am thankful for mine.
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Parry, so sorry to hear your news. You should be able to enjoy your wedding high and not have to think about this right now. It is not right. I recall hearing that Abemaciclib has some activity in the brain. May be worth looking into if you haven’t taken it
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Thanks JFL. From what I’ve read it’s only for HR+ BC. I need to see what treatments are left. I think it will help with the anxiety to know for sure,good or bad news.
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bigBhome.. No questions but just glad you're here.
I started AA one month ago, it's the worst TX I've ever been on. There's more about that on liver mets and AA threads.
So today I'm supposed to be going to pick up my red gown for the NYC Fashion Show on Feb 16. All plans are in place, only if AxA will let me be well enough to go. I woke up too sick to get out today. My daughter is trying to coordinate with one of the other Survivor models to get my dress.
Sure wish there was some way we could all help each during the hard times.💞
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I have often often felt that way Grannax! It would be the best gift to be able to Give each other !!
Freezing here. First week of round 27 of ibrance. Keep working my little pretty keep working!!
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Parry~My sweet. holding your hand. There is something. They just have to find it. Hugs my girl.
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JFL~Hello darling. Always nice to see you here. I hope all is well in your world! It's an arctic blast here. Yuck
Marian~I hope you're doing well and warm and snuggly. I was in bed all day long. Like allllll day long. Hugs my friend!
Minnie~ you doing ok ? Divine? Hope you're ok too! Hi Gracie. Thinking of you. Hugs ! Masonsma..... JKL. Runor...Bella...Miss Bianca. Where you been? Nan hi sweetheart! Mae... hi there darling! ....Blueshine...you ok ? Lynnwood.... brrrrr hats and mittens anyone? Booboo sorry that you're moving to Florida. I'll miss the chance to visit with you. But better weather choice! Tanya.. hi there sweety! MJH.... hope you're ok too. Lynne(50's) hugs .... Lynne (Man)still thinking of you! ....Bigbhome hugs beautiful! Muddling. Thanks for the goodideas! 😃....GP my friend. Day walker! Hello!.....Egads....hi ya! Skitz.... hi to you too, good to see you! Pots.... you ok too? As Mae would say. Roll call! all my other dear friends who take the time to pm me about the thread.. love you all also! ~M~
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Parry, sorry to hear your news. Will be thinking of you and praying for something positive for you. This is a cruel disease that allows a beautiful young woman like you to go through this. My heart goes out to you.
Gracie, thinking of you too. Hope they sort that port.
Bigbhome good to hear from you!
Micmel, you are such a good person. You have a lot to deal with, and you still find the energy to care for your Dad, not mentioning the evil Step Mother! Love that dog! Woof!
I read about that Israeli cure hope, I have to admit I was sceptical, but ever hopeful. Imagine a return to a normal,life
Would,like to,sprite more, but this,iPad,is being a right pain in the arse tonight
Be back tomorrow. Love to all. Marianelizabeth have a wonderful holiday
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Minnie~ thank you. My older brother doesn't seem to agree with me and my willingness to even visit with him. He says leave him rot. I just can't. Why I can't I am not sure. But I just can't. Maybe it's my own need to make peace before he passes. Or maybe somehow somewhere, I will see him if I pass sooner or later. Maybe he will be the one waiting for me. I don't know and maybe there is really just nothing when we are gone. Whichever way is ok but I'm not taking any chances. Thank you for your kind words. You're so precious friend. ~M~
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okay guys! It just hit me. Where is Sheila Marie? Like it’s been a while. I’m worried officially. 😧 anyone hear from her at all ?
Lynnwood also... not as long but a little while anyway.
Shout out to Dodgers girl ... Sandi beaches....Delvzy.....I write......no ones heard from Z either. Last log in was October I believe. 😞 geeze. Dianarose, fades away. It’s just difficult when you just don’t know how everyone is . Although I more than respect anyone’s choices. It just hurts my heart ! Much love to all! Footprints angel hello to you as well. Nanette you too! Therapy girl! Chelle my sweet sweet girl....
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MicMel,
You are doing the right thing by your Dad. He is definitely wanting you in his life at this time. It sounds like he is reaching out to you and responding to your visits very well.
There is life after death. Our physical body passes away but not our souls. Our souls live on to eternity. We will either spend eternity in the presence of God or if we deny Him we will spend eternity in the absence of God.
Now is the time to heal those broken relationships. I am proud of you for mustering up the strength to tackle this situation. The love that you have for your Dad is so evident. I am happy for you that you extend Grace to your Dad and let love rule the day.
Siblings have to chart their own course. I believe your course with your Dad will give you peace.
(((Hugs)))
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Bella~ it is very very difficult to sit and look at her. She has such an attitude that she is fully wonderfully perfect and I am the bad step child in torn clothing and wilted hair. It is something that only someone can explain being that young. Having a large woman who is very large and very loud. Has bright red hair and glowing freckles in my memories. Now having Growing up and having my own children that i would Give my life for. She has never had her own child before. They adopted my niece. Therefore... I was replaced. And not missed.
I look at him and I see him in there. How I used to run and get the beer out of the fridge for him and he would let me have the first little sip. Then I’d sit in his lap and play peek a boo. Which is why it was my nick name. I am sick. I wish I wasn’t , I wish I could grab him alone and pick him up myself. Before cancer I could have for sure. Today was so cold. My bones wouldn’t take it. Tomorrow’s the same windy and freezing. Maybe Friday I’m not sure when I’ll get back. I wrestle before my sleep with guilt over something they did. With wanting to help him and feeling no ability to do so. I walk in circles in my mind trying to make sense of what to do. But knowing I cannot take on anymore myself. My rest is why I believe I’m doing so well. The pain in my spine is what it is. Too much activity always irritates it. Shitty placement. I’m just going to do the best I can. It’s all I can do. Thanks for caring. It means so much !
Be safe and warm if anywhere cold ladies.0 -
I also realized Scwilly hasn’t been around as well!! Hope all is well my friend. Hugs to you! ~M~
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Parry, my thoughts are with you. Sending you hugs
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Micmel, brothers sometimes tend not to get it. You will never regret the time you spend with your dad or the effort it takes to visit him.
My MIL had a hefty mortgage on her house. When dh and I spent months getting it ready to sell with no help from his brother, the brother told him “I woulda just let the bank take it.” Nice, huh? But when we visited MIL Christmas day, the brother stopped by, pulled a chair right up beside her, held her hand and acted like she was all the world to him. Yes, anger and disgust was what I felt seeing that. She got $70,000 for her house and after paying the mortgage she owed, had about $30,000 left which went a long way helping to pay her medical bills.
Apparently I’m still working out my issues from taking care of my MIL!
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The bad step child in torn clothing and wilted hair. Micmel, I know you are not feeling funny at all but that vivid picture made me chuckle. You have a way with words.
I stop in to read and marvel at how Micmel's brain can keep track of everything. I am sorry for all the loss and difficulty I read here. I never know what to say. But everyday I check to see how familiar names are getting along.
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Divine~ Hi sweetheart! I agree both boys want nothing to do with it. My sister and I have it in our laps and it isn't fun at all. I am tired and she is tired. Raising a ten year old granddaughter on her own since her mother(my sisters daughter) is in jail and unfortunately that child was born behind bars. She had a worse up bringing then I did. She was actually physically abused. I was left alone neglected and never being watched. I raised myself and so did they. My sister protected me. But no one protected her. So i am I seeing a sister team form again just like we never skipped a beat. I love having her back in my life.
If I'm honest. I didn't want to admit I missed her. But I had. We laugh. We make each other laugh and it seems like the anger is just gone for us both. It is no more. We have seen what it can do. I want no part of it any longer. It just makes me more tired. I'm just lucky I survived. Even though I was divorced, he wasn't a terrible person. I did love him at one point and I have known him since I was seven. His sister and I were very close always and still are. I don't have room for anymore anger. Only love. Support and kindness. It makes it easier to like myself and my new normal that was thrusted up my arse (as Minnie would say) ! Good to see you. Happy your new thread is doing so well!
Mae you as well! Great ideas here !
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Runor~ Honey you’re so special. You are the one who has a way with words and you always make me smile. It is kinda funny when you think about it. Trust me humor gets me by. I am positive that is why you and I have bonded like we have. You are very clever with your writing and I always and I mean always look forward to you and your posts. I actually think you should have been a writer. Or a stand up comedian. We could Take it on the road together! Runor and Micmel.... the damn nasty truth on life!!!!
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Parry, so sorry to hear your news.. you need a break! My thoughts are with you. Micmel, it’s about 6 degrees right now as you well know. I’m not planning on leaving the house. We took a weekend trip to Lancaster last weekend with a group of friends to see an Elvis birthday show. Saturday was the rock and roll show and Sunday was the gospel show. My husband is crazy for Elvis and it was wonderful to see him enjoy himself so much, he deserves it. I am totally exhausted from the trip! I didn’t want to let on to anyone how hard it was on me. Micmel, I think that you are doing the right thing by your dad. Family relationships are complicated and you have to do what you feel is best for you . You will not have any unfinished business or regrets when your father passes and that will ease your mind considerably in the future. Grannax, I hope you feel better and are able to enjoy yourself being in the fashion show. Hi to everyone, I’m not good at keeping up with everyone like Micmel is, just know that I think of you all often and pray for all of us every day.
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Loves, it has been too long since I have posted. It grieves me to read of everyone going through rough times.
Parry- those weddings! How exquisite they were! You looked amazing and what priceless memories will always be with you. I see you are really going through hell right now. I want it to just go away. Period. I am holding you in the light and hoping you can have some peaceful moments during this.
Gracie-hello. Sounds as though you are being" put through the ringer "also. How I hate to hear this. I am sending love and hugs to you.
Grannax -I've been concerned for you on the AA. It sounds so rough. Being unable to eat anything stinks. They will need to alter that red gown, huh? I am in awe of the strength that you, and all of us, exhibit. I wish for this AA to become more tolerable for you THIS INSTANT. and I pray that it is kicking some cancer butt.
Bighome -how nice to hear from you! I loved the photo of Skittles! I want to thank-you for your dear Thanksgiving wishes, which I did not see until way after the fact. Did I see that you are meeting with a new MO soon? I hope it goes well; sometimes just walking into a medical institution raises my anxiety level several notches. I hope things are easing for you as you face challenges in your personal life- it seems to never end, huh?
Micmel- what to say? You are a dear, dear human being. I feel joy in reading about the love between you and your sister and your Dad. So healing. How exquisitely painful it is to watch a parent wither away; end of life issues are unique and it seems we are not always good at it in our culture. My 97 YO father in law just died, and his children cared for him so lovingly. It seems to me we should celebrate the lives of those dying in subtle ways each day. Sorry to hear about your pesky back-back pain sure puts many folks in the dirt in a hurry, and it's hard to treat.
Lynne(Man)-my heart continues to break for you. I think of you often and pray you are holding up. Know that you are loved and supported from a distance.
Lynn(50's)- I am thinking you are in a warm place and I hope you are enjoying every minute. I was in Sarasota for 5 days earlier in the month and it was glorious! i am also thinking that you have a port now? and starting Taxol soon? Hope you are adjusting to that change-I know it takes me quite a while to process treatment changes. My thoughts are with you.
Tanya- so you had quite the giddy car ride? Makes me laugh to think of it! You are such a wonderful soul and I love your spirit!
Mae- love how you always weigh in with your honest, witty remarks! You keep us all smiling! Hope you are well! By the way, would you please "calm the $&%% down!"
I have been doing well. Still holding my own on Xeloda, though tumor markers have hit bottom and are rising very slightly. MO keeping eye on them and is concerned about the possibility of one cell line becoming drug resistant since tumor markers have not returned to normal. Who knows? Having follow up liver MRI mid February so will know exactly what's going on there. Hand and foot syndrome continues to be a challenge. I asked MO what would probably be next for me. It may be Doxil, which is one a month IV. It is also hair sparing. Hopefully not for a while.....
Things are stable with my family. My dear little grandson has his times-it's hard growing up! He is so spirited and active. Can't imagine life without him. My DD is doing better and better with reintegration into life. She will start her radiography school in September after successfully completing the prerequisites. Hopefully sending DH off to New Zealand for 3 weeks in March. We have friends that will be there and he could stay with them; he has enough miles accrued to get ticket.It has been a lifelong dream of his-so I say go for it. I told him to leave me an ample supply of firewood and hire someone to plow the driveway. i will hold down the fort! Not possible for me to join him with our grandson here; my daughter not capable yet of assuming his care for that long a period.
I will post a few pics for color and diversion!
To ALL of my dear MBC sisters, you are always in my heart. May the powers of the universe be with us as we struggle with this "Emperor of All Maladies"(book title). Love, Mary Jane
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