My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Gumdoctor~I know you're full of knowledge and support. I think you have an understanding of medical things and terminology that most do not. You have a way with words. I am also very happy that you read our thread. It's like family. And cheers everyone knows your name.
Mae great news my sister. ❤️
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I've kind of been awol this week, just popping in to read mostly. Just a very busy week. I hope I can get all caught up soon! Think of all of you alot. Praying of course for everyone!
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Gracie, when do you get your MRI results? Wishing you good news 🙂
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Thank you for the very kind words Micmel.
I enjoy this thread a great deal and am thrilled to be a part of it.
Like several has mentioned, I read more and post less. Will make a stronger effort to write more. Lots going on here...
Gumdoctor
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Mae, great scans!
Gracie and anyone else waiting for scans or results, I hope they are good.
Micmel, college tours are fun and important. It is expensive. I think it's great that athletes get full scholarships really I do but they ought to do more for the academic students since they are there for the purported reason a college/uni exists. Ah well, we made it through our son's tuition years. He was a 5.0 student, valedictorian, and thankfully had many college credits from dual enrollment, which meant college tuition per credit while still in high school. Nevertheless we had to pay most of his three years of undergrad. Then he worked hard as a Grad. Asst. while keeping up with his own very demanding grad classes thereby paying his Graduate tuition. We helped with his apartment, car etc for those two years. It was worth it since he got a Master's in a very good field and no debt. He is working at a job he likes and makes a good salary and is totally independent and was, right off the bat. We are proud but he had to move to civilization for college and work so we miss him terribly. My heart went with him and I truly think that is when cancer moved into the gap. When I look back, I see that symptoms I had back then (eleven years ago) were probably mets but I thought were arthritis since I have that too. He knows that getting him out of college with no debt was about all we *could* do and our modest middle class life isn't going to set him up for an inheritance to speak of. Especially since our savings are vanishing at an astonishing rate to pay for this #$%&* cancer, either for extortionate monthly insurance rates, or deductibles, out of pocket or all of the above at one time. My pitiful savings can't take many 4K hits for my part of Ibrance.
I've been in a deep hole over this all week. Not much point in existing, really. My optimistic part says "hang on! Better meds are coming! Maybe a cure." My realistic part says " Nah. Won't be in time, considering it takes years for trials and then more years to market. Besides, I'm hurting a lot. " I'll sort it out one way or the other. I see MO week after next. I may ask DH not to go in with me so I can talk bluntly to the doc. It will hurt his feelings so I doubt I will. I'll keep on smilin' my fake game face. (Sorry to put this gloomy outlook here but I know all of you will get it.)
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Mae, on Tuesday....appt with onc. So glad to hear your results!!!!
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I do get it muddling boy do I honey !
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Gumdoctor~ as mae will testify. I usually have a weekly role call lol. I like to make sure everyone’s ok.
Hi Tanya lovely ! Hello Daniel and Leslie as well!
Hi ya Rosie! Bella and Runor! Minnie. Gracie 🙇♀️ Good results my sweet friend !
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Had chest x-ray yesterday. Doc called last night. My heart dropped when I heard his voice say he had the results of my x-ray. ALL CLEAR! There is nothing to see. So he gave me a steroid inhaler to use once a day for two weeks to see if that calmed down my irritated airways. If it does, this is not more cancer. If it does not, we have to do more investigating. I have never used an inhaler before. I have wasted two doses already trying to figure out how the silly thing works. Weird how I should be relieved and yet still feel on edge. Relieved and on edge. The New Normal - barf, I hate that phrase.
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Runor ~ First off of course there was nothing there. I have this cough for two months. It’s a raspy sucker that makes me sound like a smoker. Which I am not. Nothing I use works. My inhaler does help quiet it down. My allergies are in full bloom. My worst is cats and molds. I was thinking it may be just that bitchy cold going around and that you had caught it on and off. And once if digs in. It takes hold ! Gripping hold. You deserved good results. And you got em ! Waahoooo👍👍🧁
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Parry, glad your first day went well. Less pain is a big gain!
Muddling, we all understand where you are coming from, it's hard.
Tanya, enjoy Hawaii! Enjoy the sun warming your bones. My warmth in Canada will come from hugging my daughter and grandkids.
Tomorrow my Mum celebrates her 90th birthday. She will have a family lunch, and I feel guilty as I will be the missing daughter, but treatment this week and preparations for the Canada trip meant I couldn't do both. We will FaceTime in the morning, and I know she will enjoy her special day. I can make it up to her on my next visit. She lives in Ireland, my native home!
As usual my bedtime, so love to all. From across the pond, good night
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I have been reading all but was away for 16 days. I got back at 0100 Thursday a.m. and had blood work, M0 visit and chemo in the afternoon. Yesterday I had a new kind of nerve block and all of this on top of cold and cough that really got started yesterday. I promise I will write down and respond to many of you that I know once I feel better.
But Minnie31 I know you were coming to Victoria and will be very busy but if you have any time at all please give me a call as I am quite flexible. I will send you a PM with communication details.
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Marian~Hello lovely. If you meet Minnie, or anyone from this thread I will continue to be envious. So many good women and (man Leslie’s Daniel). I hope you find time in your busy lives. I saw my uncle today, I haven’t seen him in decades he looks like Santa Claus. It was another real wake up call as to how fast life moves. Hopefully, I can continue to make strides to feel more complete within my family. Love to all you lovely ladies!! ~M~
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You asked for pictures form our Australia/New Zealand trip....so much to choose from, I’ll try to give you a sample over the next few days. We landed in Brisbane, spent a coup,e of days there to get used to the time zones and temperature and then took the overnight train to Cairns. This was the view from our hotel in Brisbane.
Here’s me on the Spirit of Queensland train...we had these cool sleeper chairs.
My feet hurt a lot the first week, I had to get used to walking further and in the heat.
A
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Pots~What a lovely view. I am in full envy mode. I’ve always wanted to visit Australia! It’s amazing to me that everyone travels the way you all do. It makes me jealous jealous! I love the thought of riding a train and sight seeing. I’m going to speak to my DH camper renting time or train time. I’m wanting to go some place so badly. Post more pics when you can!0 -
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This is what my brother saw this morning in Arizona! I love the mountains so much. Snow on top and warm temps below. I’d love to be there ! Peace and tranquility right in front of your face 0 -
I posted this on Facebook today.
Spring is Coming...
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Gumdoctor~Please please let spring be coming especially since the flu has been the worst I’ve known! Wash your hands.
My son and I went to see my dad today again. I gave him this amazing set of towels that my DH was kind enough to get for me when I was fully discomforted by the painful chemo and they were soft. I would lay on them. And my head was always cushioned. I took them over for him. Every single time I wash his clothing those towels are in the hamper. He loves them. It makes me so happy. My Uncle bob was there today. And he said he hasn’t seen him look so good.
They are thinking all this interaction and fixing of relationships is making him find more of a will to fight and live longer. When we arrived today in his room, he was sitting up and watching television. He looked pretty darn good. ! I will say sometimes the dying process is slow. And when it’s slow it’s slooow. I never had experience with this before so I am sorry if that was a wrong thing to say. It’s just so difficult watching the ups and downs!
Much love to all!0 -
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My favorite NYC tourist pic
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Mine too grannax! You look great 😀
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Grannax ~Fantastic background view. You look NY appropriately dressed you fashionista! I am so amazed at how structually beautiful the city really is,and some never ever see it. I mean really see it. I am a country girl but love seeing differences all around ! Thanks for sharing.
Mae~ glad you're home safe and sound. Back to the gym? I'm watching the HBO original OZ, it's quite good. Hugs to all ~M~
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parry- I so hope the first round of chemo worked and many more after!
Grannax- before every dose of Xeloda I took emetrol to ward off nausea. It’s liquid and overs tge counter. I never had an issue. You rocked the runway!
Soooo. Am I the only one who has had 6 rounds of ac chemo and now for sure two more? My numbers keep going down and my scan after four rounds looked as though the spots in liver were healing. To me they looked larger and more black but the doctor claims that a good thing. I completed round 6 and will do 7 on Tuesday then Monday more more and a scan and heart check.
I have to get two bags of blood every week I have chemo. It’s nothing but it’s an all day event with chemo.
I keep telling myself I’m just happy to be here. I’m close to my three year cancerversary. I’m tired, worn out, stressed out, Ｖｉｓｉｏｎ seems to be getting sucky. I came home from work a few days ago, which is an hour drive each way, so tiredness i couldn’t think straight. My bf was at me at me at me. We need to do this and that and do you want this. I must like you have to get off me. I’m so tired I can’t think. He said I know i I get it, you think I don’t but I do. I thought this is not the normal tired, your not close to understanding.
My mom pulled out old pics today we are going to sort. I about cried over seeing my long blonde hair! I miss hair, I’m sick of hats, no energy to wear wigs, so skinny jeans won’t fit, I look haggy. But I keep saying to myself don’t complain you idiot, your here and lucky to be here and not many get this long being here. I guess it is like the angel on one shoulder and devil on the other. I just wish for one stinking day I didn’t have have cancer in my head. I call it my life sentence, I’m stuck till death. I’m either worried maybe next appointment will be bad and relieved when it’s good.
I’m glad to have this place to come to where everyone gets what I feel.
I hope for us all there will be many more years.
Sara
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Skitz~Everything you said is very true. I have learned that in my 48 years, as I sit watch my father who really is young for today’s standards. Everyday is hard. The fatigue is something no one could ever get. I wake up and can sleep again for another easy 5 hours and then can’t wait to go back to bed again. It’s my place where I can dream I am health and rich. With a body that can run and hike. I’m thankful to be starting month #28 of ibrance. Tuesday is XGeva and bloodwork day oh joy! You’re never alone. That’s why this place is somewhere to come and just let it out and let it go. Everyday I wake up for a brief second and forget. Then it crashes back down. Don’t much enjoy that feeling at all! You’re not alone in the least. 🥴
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Please do Marianelizabeth! I'm sure we could fit a coffee together
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lynn thank you for asking how i’m doing. Everything is going well so far. By the grace of god i’m still able to work full time running a daycare which i think is good medicine for everyone. my mind does go to thinking about how long will this treatment last and what happens when i have to change treatments. I am the sole provider for my family and i have to be able to work, especially since i have a 17 year old daughter still at home who wants to be a vet. i don’t complain about much because i am the type of person that is out of sight out of mind; so i’m really good at forgetting i have cancer until a pain comes on which knock on wood hasn’t happened too often.
tanya i am so envious! i hope you and your mother have a great time in hawaii. i’m counting down the days until our vacation in august. we’re going to dollywood because my daughter is a huge fan of dolly pardon.
i hope everyone is having a great weekend! it’s supposed to be 67 here today after being in the 40s yesterday. no wonder everyone is getting sick.
runor have you gotten your results yet about that cough
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Gosh Sara I wish I didn't get what you're saying, but I do. Behind the runway pics, there is fear. There is everything you said. Right now I have lung, chest and liver mets. No scan since December, ineffective treatment for five months, only on X for six days. Is it going to work? How big are the mets now? What will my fourth line be? Will I be eligible for another y90? What if my April scan shows more growth? How will my kids do when I'm gone? My granddaughter will grieve so much, she's only 12. And, believe it or not, I worry about if I will get all my affairs in order so my kids will be able to find what they need when I'm gone. I haven't been able to do some of that yet. Too hard.
No, I don't do comparisons. I refuse to compare my situation to others. That is not helpful. What's hard for one of us is hard, period. I learned a long time ago, don't minimize my cancer, or your cancer by saying. Oh, it could be worse look at so and so.
My friends don't like to hear me say those things, so I say it here.
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Sara About X, I think my antibiotic for U TO is causing some of my nausea. Last night I realized it tastes and smells horrid. I've taken it simultaneously with X. I will finish it tomorrow then I will be on X alone for the first time. I'm hopeful but will keep your advice in mind.
Ladies my mother always told me I have a one track mind. So, that must be why I focus on one of you at at time. Please know I am praying for each of you. Holmes, Minnie, micmel, Mae, Gumdoctor, Pots and each of you I didn't name.💞
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Good afternoon all
50’s girl Lynne we’ll be going to Oahu first. My cousin lives In Honolulu and we’ll stay with her and then go to Hilo to visit another friend. Long story short my great uncle Robert was stationed at Pearl Harbor before the day of infamy and he married a Japanese woman they had one daughter my cousin Nola and she had one daughter and she had one daughter so I’ll be visiting these three beautiful woman and then we’ll go to Hilo to visit a friend for a few days. We’ll stay in cotttages there and sight see some more. I will hug your invisible presence all the while.
Praying for us all. Trying to help my daughter as much as I can while I’m here. Her husband works two full time jobs and she a stay at home with 5 sons. Two have autism. I’ve washed more dishes than Applebee’s on Saturday night. Where did I get the energy?
We travel tomorrow anyone who’s having scans treatment or results I am in your pocket.
Tanya
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Wouldn’t you know it, my son in law got here Friday to work on their rental. Staying with me because there’s no place else to stay. Last night had a sore throat, this morning sick as a dog, freezing with chills. And of course my counts are down. He’s staying in the bedroom and sleeping today. He says he’ll go over to the rental to stay with an air mattress as soon as he can get out of bed, but I fear the damage may already be done! I did get a flu shot but this has me freaked out
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